


Maison De Fleur

by loviet



Category: NCT (Band), Nctzen
Genre: Action, Drama, F/M, Romance, Thriller, Warm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:06:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 204,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23253670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loviet/pseuds/loviet
Summary: Fine.Four letters. One word. A million different meanings.After a traumatic work accident that left a colleague dead, Yoo Ayeon is back at the 32nd precinct and falling into tired routines.She tells everyone she's fine, she shoves her emotions into a vault built from a childhood of fear, and she pretends that nothing can make her feel.When she's called to a flower shop, Ayeon meets the owner, Jung Jaehyun, a man of mystery dressed in soft colours, calming smiles, and fragrant roses.As she's thrust into the orbit of someone so much unlike herself it becomes a lot harder pretending that there's nothing beating in her chest.
Relationships: Jung Jaehyun / OC, Jung Jaehyun / Yoo Ayeon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	1. carnations

_“Unit 443, backup is on their way. 15 minutes ETA.”_

_Yoo Ayeon, bright eyed, hard working and sleep deprived, couldn’t stop her knee from bouncing as she turned the dispatcher’s words over in her mind. “That’s going to take too long. Let’s go in first, see what we’re up against.”_

_She cocked her gun and moved slowly around the perimeter of the seemingly abandoned dry cleaner’s her heart pounding so hard that it dulled out every other sound. 6 months she had been on this case, a minor league drug cartel making moves on a territory that didn’t belong to them. They were in spitting distance of a full-on turf war and that would mean drugs flooding into the city, vulnerable groups being the main source of spreading and a bloodbath when the current dealers in the city wanted revenge at an organization trying to take over._

_They had been tracking this group for months and_ finally, _they had zeroed in on a location._

_“You know, when I imagined us out together at night, and trust me I imagined it often, I always fantasized about it with fewer guns, but I’ll take what I can get.”_

_She clenched her jaw and hissed as she looked over at Lucas’s blinding grin, “Fucking hell, really? You’re doing this now?”_

_She wouldn’t call Lucas her number 1 choice but with her own partner currently on maternity leave, this was what she got. The only person in the entire precinct that flirted with her like it was an Olympic sport and he was trying to medal._

_All things considered, he was harmless and never seemed upset, vindictive or offended when she unflinchingly turned him down. He would just laugh and say, “it was worth a try.” And maybe she should’ve made more of an effort to stop him, but he was friendly, nice to her and even though she hated to admit it, the other detectives seemed to be kinder to her when they learned that Lucas liked her._

_It helped when the Golden Boy crowned you his favourite._

_His smile didn’t shake, it never did, he was a bloody ball of sunshine and sometimes it made her eyes hurt. There wasn’t a single person in the entire precinct who would have a bad thing to say about him. How could they?_

_Which is why people couldn’t fathom why she kept saying to no to someone like him. Handsome, kind, treated her like some kind of a goddess just for breathing. But it felt simple to her._

_She didn’t like him._

_At least not like that._

_Quite frankly, she didn’t think it was humanly possible for her to feel that way about anyone._

_She just wasn’t wired that way._

_“What better time than the present? Life is fleeting.” He chirped as he checked the rounds in his gun._

_She had only rolled her eyes and muttered something like “fleeting my ass” but she had wished she’d said something more profound to him._

_Maybe she should’ve paid more attention, a good writer, a good director, a good audience would’ve seen the foreshadowing from miles away. She would torture herself by letting his words repeat in her head forever when she watched in horror as his head snapped back when a bullet came from nowhere and clipped the side of his skull._

_She’d think about it when she let the cartel leader escape out the side door as she rushed to Lucas’s side, praying that somehow everything would be okay, and he’d just be laughing again with that idiotic smile. It wasn’t much of a surprise, however, that her prayers went unanswered._

_Her entire body was shaking, her voice didn’t sound like hers, she just gripped him in her arms, every bit of training slipping her mind as she tried to shake him awake. “Lucas! Please, don’t do this. Open your eyes. What the fuck? Holy shit. Come on.”_

_She’d think about his words when his head rolled to the side and she felt sickness creeping up her stomach as he struggled to keep his eyes open. His lips hitched and if blood wasn’t gushing out of the side of his face, she imagined it was a smile and the thought of that made the sickness move up faster. His fingers twitched, his lips formed words, and tears filled her eyes as she kept shaking him in the foolish hope that it would revive him._

_His eyes shifted over her shoulder and she saw them widen but had no time to react when a bullet pierced through her shoulder, sending her to the ground with a scream of agony lodged in her throat. Her breathing was short and desperate as she tried to navigate through the pain, but her eyes stayed on Lucas as he smiled at her, his lips moving again, repeating what he had said earlier._

_It was a nightmare._

_So why the fuck wasn’t she waking up?_

_She tried to count to 10. It used to work when she was a child. Whenever she was angry or sad, or happy or excited, she would count to 10 and dim her emotions down to nothing but an impassive shrug. It’s what kept her out of her father’s wrath. She tried. She counted to 10._

_But it only made her feel worse._

_She heard the door swing open and people yelling, they sounded like police officers, she could see their flashlights moving but honestly, nothing else made sense to her as she locked eyes with Lucas again._

_Ayeon had never seen anyone die before._

\-----

“Well? How was your first official week back? Amazing? An explosion of love and support?”

Ayeon propped her feet against her desk as she balanced her cellphone between her ear and shoulder. Quite frankly, it surprised her that her best friend hadn’t called every hour on the hour to check up on her. It seemed to run in her blood as a lawyer to keep tabs on everyone, especially when it was someone who she knew since she was a teenager. Soya wasn’t your average best friend. She was your smothering, overbearing, helicopter friend whom you couldn’t live without. 

“It depends. Either people are looking at me like I’m newly orphaned, which I’m not since he wasn’t my partner or they’re looking at me like I’m the great bitch who survived when the guy they liked died.”

Soya’s voice was firm, “Ayeon.”

“And I’m not going to lie, I get it. People actually liked Lucas.” She said lightly as she pretended not to notice the obvious shift in atmosphere when she walked in on her first day. It never felt like anyone was actually happy to see her.

She could hear the frown in her Soya’s voice, “Ayeon, that’s not true. They’re probably grateful that you’re okay.”

She had to laugh at that one, “No, they’re wondering why the cheerful, friendly, charming Lucas that everyone adored died on duty meanwhile the sour bitch who constantly rejected his advances managed to survive. They’re probably wishing he was the one finishing his first week back and that I was laying in a mortuary getting prepped for my funeral.”

“Yoo Ayeon.” Her tone was sharp and callous, one of a pissed off lawyer, “You watch your fucking mouth. I’m not going to sit here and listen to you bitch about being alive when I was staying up every night in that god-awful hospital praying to lords above that I don’t even believe in, that your arm would work and that you wouldn’t bleed out. I had to live with the very real fear that I wouldn't get to see my best friend alive. So, shut the fuck up.”

Ayeon let her legs drop to the floor and sighed, feeling guilt creep up her throat, “I’m sorry. I was being shitty.”

Soya was silent for a moment before huffing, “So am I. That was unfair of me. I know today is going to be harder than most. I’ve taken the day off. I’ll be there for you. I’m always there for you.”

Blinking, Ayeon sat up when she heard the feedback through the phone and turned in her chair to see Soya strolling into the precinct in an expensive green blazer and heels so sharp, they could double as weapons.

“Boo.” Soya sang with a wink as she hung up. “I thought I’d stop by before heading to the funeral.”

Ayeon frowned, “In green?”

“I’m going to change. Duh.” Soya said with a roll of her eyes. Her smile softened as she reached out to fixe Ayeon’s hair, “How are you? Truly?”

Ayeon’s lips curved peacefully, “I’m fine Soya. He wasn’t my partner, he wasn’t my long-lost love, he barely registered as a friend. He was that kid who would flirt with me every now and then. I’m sad that a colleague is gone but that’s it.”

She shouldn’t have been surprised that it wasn’t enough to appease a lawyer, “But still, he was part of your life in some way. You don’t have to over-complicate it. A loss is still a loss.”

“I’m fine.” It was starting to sound weird in her head. Repeating that word over and over again.

Soya chewed on her lip, “I worry about you.”

“Don’t you always?” Ayeon said with a grin. “And is it fair to assume you’re not only here to see me?”

As if on cue, the door flung open with a bang and Kim Jinah, team lead extraordinaire, stormed into the precinct with eyes ablaze and her face flaring red the way it did when someone, most likely one of the “bureaucratic rats” pissed her off. Soya grinned, her eyes warming at the sight of her girlfriend who had yet to spot her.

It was a love story for the ages, a young detective meeting a young law grad over a case that bound them together in a way that fate never could.

“I’m going to kill someone.” Jinah’s voice boomed across the room, sending some rookies racing out of the room to avoid her wrath.

Soya’s grin just grew, “I can probably get you acquitted.”

Jinah’s eyes snapped over to her girlfriend and like a switch, the fire dwindled into a crackling ember, “You’re here.”

Ayeon found Jinah to be a bit of a kindred soul when she first started at the precinct. Jinah was the youngest team lead in history with a reputation of stepping on the toes of men who had a problem with her leading. She was never careless with her words, Ayeon rarely heard her say more than she needed to but that didn’t mean her words didn’t hold meaning.

“You’re here” really meant “Thank god you’re here.”

“Hi” usually meant “I love you” when she spoke to Soya.

Soya beamed, “Thought I would check on our adopted daughter before heading over to the funeral.”

Jinah frowned, “In green?”

“Are you two kidding me?” Soya hissed when she caught Ayeon’s grin.

Jinah looked over at Ayeon, her brows slightly knitted, “You’re not going to be happy.”

“What is it this time? They want to fire me for going in before backup came? Or let me guess, they want me to speak at his funeral and tell everyone what an awful person I am. How many times do we have to do this?”

Jinah’s face stayed stoic, “Neither. They don’t want you attending the funeral.”

Soya took a sharp breath and looked over at Ayeon’s whose face remained steady with her peaceful smile, “That doesn’t seem fair.”

Jinah’s eyes narrowed, “You mean to say, _it’s fucking bullshit_. You got shot, you watched someone you work with die and it’s barely been a month before they demanded you to come back. It’s fucking bullshit that they don’t let you have this closure just to avoid a press mess.”

“I don’t need closure. He died. He’s a police officer. It’s an occupational hazard. I’m fine. It’s better this way, trust me.” 

Jinah rolled her jaw, her body still tense until Soya stepped next to her, running her fingers down her spine. Jinah’s shoulders sagged and Ayeon looked away when the fatigue and stress were evident in her eyes. Ayeon had known Jinah through Soya but she was quick to grow as protective of her as Soya was. It was hard seeing the people she cared about losing sleep over her. It wasn’t fair to them.

“Well, I couldn’t change their minds even if I tried.” Jinah chewed on the inside of her lip for a second before walking to her desk, rustling around through the organized chaos before pulling out a single, but crumpled business card. “But I love a good loophole.”

Ayeon took the card, oblivious to the way Soya’s expression changed as she shot her girlfriend a weary look. “Maison De Fleurs? That flower shop across the street?”

Jinah rested her hip against her desk, “I ordered flowers for the ceremony from there. Good place. Solid owner. The rats upstairs never said that you couldn’t deliver flowers before the ceremony. Go pick them up, drop them off and hell, if you get there early, tell Lucas I say hi.”

“This is something a rookie does.” Ayeon muttered.

Jinah narrowed her eyes at the girl, knowing that she hated being tied to her desk and being given minor cases while she transitions back to work, “Well you’re not a rookie, so you should be smart enough to know that this is different.”

Ayeon fell silent, her fingers flicking the creased edges of the card. Jinah stepped closer to her and kept her voice low, “You may not feel the need to find closure, but you still should pay your respects. You were soft on him even if it was because you felt bad. He was as close as you got to a friend that wasn’t me or Soya.”

Ayeon kept her eyes low and dragged her silence for 10 seconds, Jinah had known her long enough to get accustomed to her silent counting. Ayeon sighed and turned, grabbing her keys before walking out.

Soya crossed her arms and gave her girlfriend a sordid look, “This is not a good idea. What are you doing?”

“Nothing. Giving her an out without her having to ask for one.” Jinah said simply while dragging her finger across Soya’s cheek.

She was unphased, “If you want this so much, you should’ve gone. This could end badly between the two of them.”

Jinah tilted her head and blinked, “End? Jesus, Soya, they haven’t even met. Relax.”

“I just want it on the record that I’m against this on the ground of I hate ulterior motives.”

Jinah smiled, her rare ones, and poked Soya in the stomach, “Noted.”

\-----

When Jaehyun woke up that morning, he knew it was going to be a good day.

He didn’t know why but he just felt it in his bones and for the most part, he was right. He had just finished a large order that he thought would take all day, he had locked down a new client who needed someone to dress their entire outdoor wedding venue and Triple had actually let him bathe him this morning with only one claw mark of resistance on his arm.

All in all, a good day.

So good, in fact, that he found himself humming to the music wafting through his modest flower shop. Triple, his noble three-legged feline companion, perked up at the sound of his voice and leaped down from his perch to make his way behind the counter. He rubbed his sides against Jaehyun’s legs in acknowledgment before bounding off to the back room, leaving his owner to his work.

His passion and talent for flowers came as a surprise to him and wasn’t even on his back-up-back-up list of career paths to get into when he had graduated. But when you put all your eggs into one career basket, you have to get creative when you fail.

That’s what he did when his first venture ended in destruction. He spent months aimlessly looking for direction when a friend of a friend called him in a panic saying that she needed extra hands to set up a photoshoot when her creative director quit. He was pretty sure she called for the manual labour but then he started rearranging the flowers on set, mixing colours, telling stories with petals and building shapes out of flora that played with the light in a way that had the photographer in near tears.

Then he decided that maybe all hope wasn’t lost. Maybe he _was_ good at something else.

With a few favours and a friend rich enough to co-sign the loan, he landed his own shop in the most obscure and niche areas in the city. Next to a training school and a police precinct. It wouldn’t have been his first bid, but it was the only one in his price range and with a loft one floor up.

It was good.

He liked this life. It was sturdy. It made him happy and there weren’t many things in life that made him happy.

After cleaning his workbench, Jaehyun spent the next hour doing inventory until the bell over the door pulled him back out front.

He had 3 types of clientele. Social media sites and word of mouth created one group that wanted him dressing weddings, big scale events, galas and one time a music video shoot. The other group wanted bouquets for their loved ones on special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays. The third and last group was very unique, very specific and very evident by the woman standing in the middle of his shop with sunglasses perching on top her head and a badge wedged against her hip.

Cops.

“Afternoon.” He said softly, pulling his apron off.

“Hi.” Her voice wasn’t plain. It was a layered dish of husk, musicality and rhythm but it was empty, unwelcoming, “I’m here to pick up an order.” She slid the receipt across the counter and kept her gaze impassive as he continued to stare at her, almost like he wasn’t sure what she was doing in his shop.

Her eyes narrowed a fraction and that was when he looked at the order, the funeral order. He remembered the email. He imagined that whoever passed was greatly loved since the order was almost triple what he normally made for funerals. He looked back at her, long thick black hair curling over her shoulder, a sharp sloped nose, steady eyes, ones that didn’t falter. Ones that were made to be for a detective. 

“I’ll be a moment.” He walked off to the back and it gave her a moment to get a better look at the place. It had been there for a good few years, she remembered passing it, but she never stepped inside, she never needed to. She wasn’t big on flowers as gifts and the lower ranks would always be the ones running errands like this. Yet here she was. 

It was nice, the floor was of small white tiles and the walls were lined with rich green leafy plants. The store’s logo was printed on the wall in swooping black letters with marble countertops as accents. It matched the owner, she looked back at the business card. Jung Jaehyun.

The clean, minimalist aesthetic aligned with the simple light blue pinstripe button-down tucked into jeans and light brown hair. She cautiously eyed the little pet bed perched up on a sturdy pillar facing the large bay window. That meant there was something furry probably lurking around. Before she could locate the missing creature, Jaehyun appeared from the back with the order in tow.

“Here you go.”

Her jaw dropped as he wheeled in two trolleys worth of wreaths and bouquet. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

He surveyed his handiwork with a proud smile, “Beautiful isn’t it?”

“And plentiful. Christ.” She muttered.

He looked over at her, at the way her brows knit together when she ran her hand through her hair. “Okay well, it’ll probably take a few trips, I’ll bring my car up.”

He blinked at her, his eyes never straying from the badge tucked against her hip. “You can take the trolleys with you, up to your car, I’ll help.”

She looked over at him, sizing him up, “The faster the better.” She muttered before pushing one of the trolleys without looking back.

He watched her walk out of his shop with a trolley and took it as a signal to follow. He trailed behind her in a stony silence, watching the back of her head and taking noted how every few seconds, she’d stop and roll her left shoulder, as if it was sore. Regardless, her stride was confident, her movement was purposeful, she was born and bred to be wearing that badge, he’d bet.

The silence continued as they finished filling every free inch of her car in flowers and stood by the truck where the wreaths lay. He had the banner custom made to include the precinct’s logo, a personal touch.

“You made these yourself?” She asked.

He didn’t know why her voice always surprised him, “I have an assistant come in to help with big orders, but the design is mine.”

For a second pride bubbled in his chest until he saw her face, “Are they not to your liking?”

She shrugged, “Not my funeral or my order.”

It was too late, she had already reeled him in. When it came to his work, he had to know. “But what would you have liked done differently?”

She shrugged again, “Who even decided that flowers were appropriate for a funeral? What purpose do they serve?”

Much to her surprise, he didn’t miss a beat or soak in confusion, “Comfort I suppose”

She frowned and looked over at him, “Is that true? Because all I’m seeing is people sitting a room mourning a death only to be surrounded by things that will also die. How does that bring comfort?”

He let the silence hang, mulling over her words before stepping back. No one ever spoke to him about flowers that way before. It was always about which were prettier, what meaning they held or which colours were nicer. No one ever spoke about flowers like they were the mortal enemy.

“People like flowers because they’re beautiful and colourful and a person who has died deserves to be surrounded by beauty and colour. I think it offsets the pain of loss.”

She stilled, and if he stared any harder, he’d have noticed the blush crawling up her ears as she was hit with the embarrassment of her bitter rant. A rant that made her sound callous and heartless. A rant that was an untimed explosion of emotion.

What was she thinking? She knew better.

She closed her eyes, shutting him out, and counted slowly to 10, reigning her emotions in and balling them up into a molecule that she couldn’t see. She opened her eyes, didn’t bother to check whether or not he was gaping at her, and walked to the driver’s seat.

“My condolences, detective.”

She stopped and despite everything, she turned to stare at him.

“Whoever these flowers are for must have meant a lot to you in some capacity. Loss is complicated. We don’t all mourn the same way. We don’t hurt the same way. At the end of the day, flowers may not be enough to ease the pain but they’re a reminder that beauty still exists.”

He could see the anger rising in her, he must’ve overstepped because it was filling her up like a volcano ready to blow…until the most bizarre thing happened. He watched her hold her breath and go rigid for 10 seconds, just like she had done before.

She then nodded briskly and sped out of the parking lot. He slipped his hands into his pockets and tilted his head up to stared at the autumn leaves dancing in front of a backdrop of sky blues and cloud whites.

Loss is complicated.


	2. amaryllises

Her interaction with Jaehyun was the furthest thing from Ayeon’s mind on the torturously long drive to the funeral home. Though she would never say it, she was glad she was banned from the funeral. It gave her a good enough reason not to sit in a room filled with people who loved Lucas so much, so much more than she did.

She had no idea if he had a family but the thought of any of them bawling their eyes out and looking at her for answers that she didn’t have made her nauseous. Instead, she did what she could and delivered a carload of flowers to a funeral director who summoned his team to take what she had and prep the hall.

Ayeon took the moment of chaos to slip into the viewing room where the casket lay. Another moment of gratefulness came when the casket was closed, and she didn’t have to deal with the weight of seeing his face. She sat by one of the pews, invisible to the staff setting up the flowers, and just waited.

She waited for something to hit her.

She waited for tears, grief or sadness. She waited for something that was normal.

Instead, she let guilt and self-loathing seep in. Was she cruel for rejecting him all those times? Did she make him miserable? Was he mad that his last minutes were in the arms of a woman who wouldn’t return his feelings?

She wondered if he had a bucket list, things he’d always wanted to do but had taken for granted how much time he had left on earth to get them all done. Maybe he wanted to skydive or get a tattoo or buy a motorbike. Her throat began to swell. Or maybe he just wanted to find love, get married, build a family, build a life with someone.

Had she robbed him of that by never giving him a chance? Should she have been firmer, so he’d get the message and move on to someone who would actually like him back?

She bit hard on her lip to shove down anything trying to sneak its way up. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, counting to 10 in her head.

It was fine. She was going to be okay. Lucas was never someone she knew well, so what right did she have to be upset now? It wasn’t fair for to be sad over someone she was never kind to.

She opened her eyes, feeling a hardened shell come up around her.

Maybe there was something wrong with her.

She made her way up to the casket and stared at the glossy wood imagining the body laying underneath. Looking away, her eyes landed on one of the arrangements that had been put up.

_Loss is complicated._

She reached out and pulled out one of the flowers from the wreath, eyeing the curve of the white petals. She laid it on top of the casket despite knowing that one of the staff members will probably throw it out before the guests filled in.

Still, she rested her palm on the flat surface and smiled, “Jinah says hi.”

\------

Jaehyun didn’t know how the day started out so well but ended with him nearly falling asleep standing up and having to drag his feet up the stairs after closing. It felt like a blur, filling Triple’s bowl, washing up, finishing last-minute chores before finally climbing into bed.

As much as he loved doing what he did, he wasn’t sure how long he last, especially when he got a lot older. Doing everything on his own was getting tiring.

Humming, he just let himself sink into his comforter, his lids so heavy that it took no effort at all to fall asleep. Nothing could make him stir at this point. Almost. He was up and out of bed in a second at the sound of glass shattering. He knew it could’ve been Triple messing around, but it was too loud and felt like it came from the shop.

He moved quickly, grabbing a bat from his closet and slowly moving through his apartment, checking corners before slinking down the stairs and into his shop. His grip on the bat slackened as he stared at his front bay window, smashed to pieces. He was numb as he walked through the shards of glass crunching under his feet until his foot bumped into something. He bent down and picked up a red brick, tied to it was a note.

_$$ SEVEN DAYS_

\------

“Someone broke in…to your flower shop.” Ayeon worded out slowly as she watched the blush creep over the shell of Jaehyun’s ears. She didn’t believe she would ever have to step foot in the flower shop ever again much less interact with its owner.

So, it was much to her chagrin when she was sent on her first solo case to his shop to investigate a break-in. Somehow, she went from investigating drug cartels to investigating petty vandalism.

“It doesn’t happen often.” Jaehyun said as he rubbed his face. She didn’t know him well, but he looked exhausted like he had been up all night even though he said he had only seen the damage that morning. And yet, he still looked put together in a white button down with small blue boats.

She narrowed her eyes, “But it happened more than once?”

“No. It’s just a little jarring.” He said softly. “Would any of you like some tea?”

She ignored him and stared at the red brick he had set on the counter. He said he had found it that morning amongst the glass. She blinked and frowned as she looked around the store. The glass door was shattered but everything else looked fine, “Was anything taken? Money? Expensive flowers?”

His face just flushed more as he scratched the back of his neck, “No. I think it was just some kids messing around. I called because I don’t think it’s safe to have my window wide open especially when I live the floor above.”

She heard a soft jingle of bells and stiffened when a small three-legged black cat hopped across the floor, peering at the new faces in curiosity. When its eyes landed on her, he moved directly towards her before sitting next to her feet and staring up at her.

Unnerved, she flipped her little notebook closed and looked at the corners of the ceiling. “Why don’t you have security cameras? You run this place alone and live upstairs.”

Something in his face shifted and kept his eyes trained on her like he was trying to dig in, “Because I thought working near a police precinct would mean things like this wouldn’t happen.”

She stilled and slowly turned to face him at what sounded almost like animosity. They were locked in a heated battle, waiting for someone to back down until one of the other officers with her cleared his throat. She turned her back and continued looking around, “Get one facing the door and the counter, one outside and if it helps, one facing the doorway to your flat. If you need a recommendation, I know a few people.”

She reached into her pocket, pulled out a small business card and flipped it over. She scribbled something on the back before handing it to him, “There’s a number on the back for someone who can fix your window for cheap. Just give them my name. My information is on the front if you need anything to make you feel safer let me know.”

Jaehyun took the card and stared at the clean, looping handwriting. “I don’t think that’s necessary, but I appreciate it.”

“I’ll have some uniformed officers watch your store tonight until you can get your door fixed.” She tapped her pen against his counter, “Don’t hesitate to call if you ever need anything.” She looked down at the cat that had begun chewing on her boot.

He looked up, but she was already turned away, walking to the door until he spoke up, voice melodious but somewhere deep down, taunting, “Thank you, detective.”

She paused for half a second by the door but didn’t look back before leaving.

\-------

“Hey!”

Ayeon turned to see Jinah jogging out of the precinct with wide eyes, “I heard someone broke into the flower shop. What happened? Is everyone okay?”

Ayeon gave her an odd look, “It’s just vandalism, some kids must’ve been messing around and chucked a brick through his window. I told him I’d set some uniforms up out front until he gets his window fixed. Probably should get some security cameras though. Why do you care so much?”

Jinah fell silent as she walked back into the offices with Ayeon, “I just don’t like shit like that happening so close to our precinct. The businesses here should feel safer, not more targeted.”

“Weird.” Ayeon mumbled, “He said the same thing.”

Jinah stared at Ayeon, her eyes roaming the girl’s face before sighing, “Keep me looped in. I want to know if you find the idiots who did this.”

Ayeon nodded as she dropped down to her chair, “How was the funeral?”

“You’re lucky you didn’t go. It was everything he would’ve hated and I had to sit through it and give a speech.” Jinah said while flipping through paperwork.

Ayeon said nothing and just stared blankly at her computer, trying to push away the nagging feeling chewing away at her conscious. She was told not to go to the funeral but for she felt guilty that she didn’t fight back harder. That she didn’t demand that she deserved to be there to pay respects. It made her feel cheap.

But it didn’t matter how she felt. This wasn’t about her.

“Detective Yoo.”

Ayeon’s brow twitched as she looked over her shoulder where two of the officers that only knew her name because Lucas said it, stood watching her with sinister grins. They were the not so subtle ones when it came to People Who Didn’t Like Yoo Ayeon.

“What.” She muttered through her teeth.

Their grins grew, and she would give anything to smack it off their faces. “You have a _civilian_ in interrogation room 3 waiting for you.”

“Why?” She balked.

They just shrugged with the same smiles, “She needs you to take her statement.”

Ayeon looked around for Jinah, hoping she was nearby to rescue her, but she had gone missing in a second, no doubt dragged off by someone who needed her opinion, which meant Ayeon was pulling her feet to interrogation room 3 knowing that whoever was waiting inside was going to be some type of punishment.

The punishment ended up coming in the form of a young 20-something year old girl with fiery red hair and a perfect smile. She forced a handshake on Ayeon, introducing herself as Mina.

“What can I do for you today, Mina?”

Mina sat up straight in her seat and folded her hands together, “I have questions regarding an incident.”

If Ayeon wasn’t suspicious before, she sure as hell was now, “Typically it doesn’t work that way. You’re here to have your statement taken. Anything you have access to is already public record. You can look it up online.”

Ayeon turned to walk away when Mina spoke up, “I have questions about the death of Officer Lucas Huang. Or Huang Xu Xi as his birth name states.”

She felt her body tense and an anger prick when she slowly faced Mina. She wasn’t sure what look was reflected on her face, but the way Mina’s pleasant smile dropped into one of discomfort assured Ayeon that it wasn’t a nice look. “Excuse me?”

“I…um….I read that he died after being shot during an investigation of the Delco drug group. Is that true?” Mina gulped as Ayeon’s hardened glare dismantled the confident façade she had previously put up.

Ayeon jaw tensed, “What kind of question is that? Why wouldn’t it be true?”

“I was just curious, you know. I read that you were the detective with him. I didn’t see you at his funeral. Was there bad blood between the two of you when you were on the field? Was it hard being partners?”

Ayeon felt the rage impending. She stepped towards Mina, “We weren’t part-“ She stilled when the distinct sound of electronic feedback cut her off.

Mina froze and Ayeon shot across the room, pulling on the girl’s denim jacket until a cellphone tumbled out, revealing a recording app. Ayeon’s grip of her jacket stayed taunt as her gaze sliced across hers, “Who the _fuck_ are you?”

Mina’s breath came out in a stuttered, “Hang on.”

“I can throw you in a holding cell so, think carefully before you answer.” Ayeon hissed out.

Mina fumbled in her jacket before she pulled out a flyer and laid it flat on the table. Ayeon looked over at it, her eyes running over the big red bolded font.

_OFFICER DEATH: A TRUE CRIME INVESTIGATIVE PODCAST COMING SOON!_

“You’re making a podcast?” Ayeon breathed out as she released Mina and lifted the piece of paper.

Mina nodded, the confidence slowly coming back, “Yes! I’m investigating the death of Officer Huang and I want to know more from your point of view.”

_10_

_10_

_10_

_Count to 10. Calm down. Be rational._

“Get out.” Ayeon growled as her fist crushed the flyer, “Get out and never come back.”

“B-“

She shook her head, “Don’t say anything else. Just get out. I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but I suggest you watch what you say to cops about Lucas.”

Mina opened her mouth to speak but Ayeon just held open the door and kept her eyes averted. She sighed and gathered her belongings and shuffled out, Ayeon deleted the recording off of Mina’s phone and handed it to her. “I don’t know what crusade you think you’re on, but exploiting the death of a man who died on duty and harassing people he worked with, is not the way to go.”

Mina said nothing and just walked away as Ayeon shut the door and stormed over to the two cops from before.

Jinah was back and just watched, with a frown, as Ayeon leaned towards the two men, her voice low and her lips moving fast. She wasn’t sure what she said but it was enough to send the two men speed walking out of the room. 

“Everything okay?”

Ayeon nodded and sat at her desk, “Just some attention seeking reporter. It’s fine. I handled it.”

“Detective Yoo!”

She closed her eyes, “What now?” She turned and saw two bright eye young cops, smiling like two little children as they held out a cup of coffee.

“We got you your favourite.”

Ayeon looked over at Jinah incredulously whose lips just hitched as Ayeon cautiously took the cup from them, “Thanks.”

“We’re rooting for you and we’re happy you’re back.”

She watched them walk away before opening the lid and taking a wary sniff before sipping it. Jinah rolled her eyes, “They didn’t spit in it, I saw them bring it in. They did a coffee run for everyone. Some people _do_ like you, you know.”

\------

Jaehyun stared out the window of his loft, sipping a cup of chamomile tea, eyeing the patrol car parked outside his door. Something that should’ve made him sleep easy only kept him up awake. Triple’s annoyed mewl drew his eyes away, he glared from his cat bad, unamused at the lamp still lit so late into the night. He had to close the shop for the day and being forced inside his apartment with cops playing guard was making him a little stir crazy.

He took another sip before padding over to his table, he rifled through his papers before pulling out a tired leather-bound notebook and flipped to the last page and stared at the number. He could feel a headache coming on. He slammed it shut and just zoned out on the blank wall in front of him, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do next, how he was meant to survive when he spotted something sticking out of his wallet.

He tugged out the detective’s business card and stared long and hard, tracing every curve of her writing with his eyes. _Yoo Ayeon._

Moving back to his post by the window, he finished his cup before picking up his phone and dialing. He held his breath until he heard the line open.

“Detective?” There was a pause on the other line that he had thought that maybe he dialed wrong.

“Who am I speaking to?” There was that voice of hers. That voice that he was still trying to adjust to. The one made up of smoke and amaryllises.

Yes.

He was getting closer to defining what made up her voice.

Amaryllises.

“It’s Jung Jaehyun. I own the flower shop that was broken into today. I hope I’m not disturbing your night.”

He heard her take a sharp breath. “No. Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“No, no. I apologize if this is a misuse of your number.” He stared at the police cruiser. “It’s a stupid question but it’s been keeping me up.”

Her voice softened a fraction, maybe she sympathized with him or maybe she was just exhausted, he couldn’t tell, “It’s fine, what’s going on?”

“How well do you know the two officers sitting watch outside my building.” He gave his empty teacup a longing glance, he was craving more but didn’t want to leave the window.

“I don’t have them over for dinner, but I know them relatively well.”

He smiled, he didn’t expect humour out of her, even if it was more sarcastic than it was humorous, “How well?”

“As in, it’s 10:10 right now so the short one is about to get out of the car for a smoke.” She mused.

His lips twitched when, as if on cue, the car door opened, and a short man stepped out with a cigarette in his mouth. “Impressive, detective.” He heard her shift, like she was under her covers, getting ready to sleep before he called.

“Is there a reason why you’re asking?”

He shrugged though she couldn’t see, “Just wanted to know who’s letting me sleep at night.”

There was a pause, and for a moment he thought she had fallen asleep or hung up before her voice picked up, “I can be in front of your store in 5 minutes if anything happens. I can pull some favours and get someone to fix your door now if you feel unsafe to sleep through the night.”

He had to admit he was a bit stunned. He imagined she’d tell him not to worry, to trust the officers, some fake stat about how no one will come back and how it’ll be fine in the morning. He didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect her or anyone from the precinct to actually care.

“Thank you but I think I’ll be okay, detective.” He replied evenly.

He could hear her breathing, steady, pulsing, “Loss is complicated. Isn’t that what you said?”

A small amused smile flowered across his face. He figured from the way she spoke to him at the shop that morning, that she had selectively erased their first encounter from her memory. “But I haven’t lost anything, detective.”

“A sense of security still counts as a loss.” She said back.

Instead of an answer, he fired back with another question, “I’ve seen a lot of people from the precinct come by my shop. Why did it take so long to meet you?”

Another silence fell, and he was starting to get a better picture of her. Someone who parsed her words out carefully, who thought before she spoke, who weighed the outcomes of her words. Someone who kept her emotions separate.

“If there isn’t anything else…” Her voice trailed off and he assumed that he had hit the cut off of her patience.

“How were the flowers?”

A beat passed. “They did their job.”

He watched the short cop put out his cigarette and get back into the car, “One more thing, it’s 10:20 and the short one finished his cigarette. What happens now?”

He was for sure positive that she would hang up on him, but it wouldn’t be the first time he was wrong. “The tall one is going to get out, and I’m sorry to say, pee in the nearest bush.”

Once again, as if summoned by her words, the other car door opened, and a tall man stepped out, fiddling with his belt. Jaehyun closed his blinds and walked into his bedroom with a grin and surprisingly, some peace of mind.

“Goodnight detective.”


	3. gardenias

Inspiration.

He figured that most people wouldn’t think that you needed inspiration if you were a florist. You just put together flowers that looked good. To be honest, you could randomly grab flowers, tie them together with a ribbon and people would still find it beautiful and he loved that about his job.

But inspiration was _everything_.

Flowers weren’t just something to please the eye, you could tell stories, relay messages, confess feelings. Flowers had centuries of symbolism and meaning embedded in them. In 1800s Europe, flowers were so heavily condensed with meaning and had become a vital form of communication that codebooks were used to decipher or design the encoded message behind floral arrangements. He was fixated on that aspect of his job, that’s why he only accepted orders through in-person or phone calls, he liked speaking to his clients, learning what the arrangements were for and what message they wanted to convey.

History told heartbreaking tales of gods and goddesses who had turned into flowers due to unrequited love and pain. It also told stories of iconic figures birthed from the cradling embrace of flowers and flowers being used as curses.

Flowers told stories better than most books could.

After his window was replaced, he holed himself up in his back room, trying to keep up with the inspiration that had invaded his mind and translating it into a piece of art. He didn't know if it was possible to turn his vision, his muse into an arrangement that could do it justice, but he couldn't stop. It wasn’t for any particular order and he already knew he wouldn’t put it up for display. This one was just for him.

He had painstakingly shifted through his stock of white gardenias, picking the select few that’s petals were as thin as tissue paper, folding softly like the curve of a waterfall. He slipped in a few darling white sweet peas and accented the arrangement with rich dark green leaves of an Italian Ruscus.

It was rare for him to stick with such a simple colour palette of greens and whites but nothing else looked quite as right as what was floating around in his mind. He had lost track of time until Triple starting mewling, pawing his calf for attention, crooning for food. What felt like hours later, he slipped in the last branch of angel’s breath, he stepped back, an explosion of satisfaction ran through him.

Breathtaking.

He pulled out an old polaroid and snapped a few pictures from different angles. Picking his favourite one, he flipped it over and picked up a pen before staring at the arrangement. He reached out and touched one of the petals, silky and delicate but sturdy and eye-catching despite its simple colour. He chewed on his lip trying to think of a name. He named all of his arrangements, usually after mythological characters but this one felt different. He slowly wrote out the name before slipping it into a photo album that held all of his best work. An informal portfolio.

“Holy hell, that’s ridiculously pretty.”

Jaehyun’s head jerked up and a grin grew when he spotted his friend by Triple, scratching him between his ears. “Taeyong, you didn’t call.”

“I didn’t think I was going to come in until I heard about the window.”

Jaehyun frowned, “How did you hear about that?”

“Okay fine, I _was_ going to come in, but I ended up chatting up one of the aunties next door and she is a wealth of information.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes this time. He knew Lee Taeyong since they were in highschool but while he went on one path, Lee Taeyong leaped headfirst into business school before opening up a successful chain of restaurants. 

When Jaehyun first began venturing into floral work, Taeyong started ordering from him weekly to dress his restaurants. Jaehyun knew that for half the price, Taeyong could buy bulks of flowers, put them in vases, and replicate the same ambiance but to his best friend, it was an investment. He thrived on the risk, challenge, and thrill of doing business which was why he didn’t hesitate to co-sign Jaehyun’s loan.

Jaehyun shook his head and led his friend to his back room, flicking on the kettle as he passed. “Luckily it was just the window, they didn’t touch any money.”

“What did the cops say?” Taeyong asked as he accepted the cup of tea but set it down on the counter untouched, he hated tea. He was more of an espresso type of man.

Jaehyun paused, his cup at his lip as he thought back to the detective who gave him her card, her contact, and spoke to him in the middle of the night to put his mind at ease. The same one who thought flowers were pointless at funerals and thought a sense of security was important enough to be treated as a loss. The man who replaced his window hadn’t charged him when he gave him Ayeon’s name as well. “They were helpful.”

“That’s unexpected.” Taeyong snorted. “But do you know who did it?”

Jaehyun said nothing but sent Taeyong a knowing look, making his cheerful friend frown, “I can lend you whatever you need, you know that.”

“B—”

“It can be a loan. I’ll even charge you interest if that’s what you need to accept my help. I’m being serious.” Taeyong said as he crossed his arms.

Jaehyun nodded, “I’ll keep it in mind, honestly, if this keeps up, I might take you up on it.”

He could tell Taeyong wasn’t fully satisfied with the answer but he moved on, “How’s the business? Keeping you busy I assume?”

“Yeah, I’m taking it slow for the next little bit, I just finished a big order for a funeral for the precinct across the street, kept me working through a few nights.” He took another sip of the tea, letting it calm him.

Taeyong nodded, “I read about it in the papers, two cops got shot doing some drug thing. One dead, the other was injured. Young ones too. Our age, I think?” He shivered, “I can’t imagine a job where you might actually die.”

Jaehyun took in a long breath and shook his head, “You have to have some type of faith in the justice system to risk your life like that.”

“Oh shit, there it is.” Taeyong picked up a newspaper that Jaehyun had tossed to the side with all the other mail. He unfolded it and laid the front page on the table.

Jaehyun almost ignored him until one of the pictures made him do a double take. He lifted the paper up and let his eyes graze over the larger picture of a bright young man beaming in his uniform and landed on the smaller picture of the detective, Yoo Ayeon, in the same uniform with a fraction of the smile the other man had. Her hair was pin straight, her eyes dark and unreadable but held responsibility and authority. His scanned the write-up for her name.

_“Officer Huang was at the scene with Detective Yoo who had sustained a non-life-threatening gunshot injury. A month has passed but investigations are still on-going of the Delco group.”_

She was there. She was there when the officer died, and she was picking up flowers for his funeral. No wonder she showed so much disdain, flowers must've seemed so banal compared to what she had seen. He wasn’t sure what someone who had gone through that type of trauma looked like, but he would’ve never drawn her with the same composure that Ayeon brought with her.

“You’re zoning out. Do you know that guy?” Taeyong asked as he leaned towards his friend.

Jaehyun pulled his eyes away from the picture and stared at him, “No, not him. Are you going to stay for lunch?”

“Can’t. If I leave my team on their own during lunch rush, they may start stabbing each other with kitchen knives. You can always stay at one of my apartments if you don’t feel comfortable at night here.” Taeyong reminded.

Jaehyun looked back at the picture of a woman who had gotten shot, watched a colleague die, still picked up flowers for his funeral and offered to drive to his shop in the middle of the night just so he could feel safe. “I think I’ll be okay.”

**\-----**

When Ayeon opened her eyes that morning, the first thing she thought of was the fact that she had no recollection of getting into bed last night.

She didn’t remember leaving work, getting into her car, driving to her apartment, eating dinner, getting washed up or falling asleep. She vaguely remembered Jaehyun and maybe she spoke to him? It was all a blur. She closed her eyes, her head swimming, but nothing came up.

Did she black out?

Before the panic could fully sink in, she heard her phone ping, she reached out, her muscles sore and stared at the text.

**Soya: Where are you??? We’ve been waiting since 9!**

**Ayeon: Wdym? Waiting for what?**

**Soya: Please tell me you’re joking. Breakfast? We made plans!**

Ayeon frowned, it was her day off, why would she be meeting Soya? She would’ve remembered if they made plans. Confused, she scrolled up and stared at the last message she sent.

**Ayeon: Sounds good. I’ll see you guys at 9.**

She didn’t remember this exchange at all. This had never happened before, even when she would go out all night with her friends, she never woke up with no recollection of the night before. She had never fully forgotten an entire conversation, much less a chunk of her day. Sending an apology text with a promise that the next meal was on her, Ayeon jumped in the shower, hoping it would wake her up and everything would come back to her.

But it didn’t.

What the fuck?

Why couldn’t she remember last night?

The last thing she remembered other than a hazy phone call with Jaehyun, was Mina. Her stomach churned uneasily, that girl made her uncomfortable. It had never crossed her mind that Lucas’s death was questionable or at least that other people who think it was from the outside looking in. She was feeling queasy, did people think _she_ had something to do with his death?

How was that even possible? Her gun wasn’t fired, Delco was at the scene and she saw him escaping. The investigation into Lucas’s death cleared her, but did people still look at her the wrong way? And then some girl starts nosing her way through the case, pointing fingers at her?

A brief surge of anger flashed through her as she grabbed her laptop. That girl knew nothing about her or Lucas, but she had the nerve to throw her words around like they meant nothing. Accusing them of having bad blood just because she didn’t attend a funeral that she wasn’t allowed to go to. She didn’t bother counting to 10, she let her anger simmer.

_Cho Mina_

She was a young reporter for a mid-tier newspaper that was normally stuck writing fluff pieces about things happening in the community like pet adoption day or interviewing the oldest senior citizen in the city. Ayeon guessed that this podcast was Mina’s attempt to boost her notoriety and to rid herself of such a pathetic bibliography.

Not only was she exploiting the death of a cop, but she wasn’t even a good enough reporter to do it. She remembered the way the girl stuttered through her questions and jumping right into the accusations. She wasn’t smooth and had no tact if she actually believed she was going to get anything out of cops by talking like that, she was an idiot. As if beckoned by her thoughts, an email popped up, from Mina. Ayeon’s jaw was set tight as she scanned the email, the girl was writing in circles before getting to the point: she had questions about Lucas’s accident and she wanted to meet and speak to her formally, on the record.

Ayeon scoffed at the mere suggestion, her precinct already resented her, what would she get out of talking to a reporter who was probably waiting to fling allegations around. She slammed her laptop shut and sat on the edge of her bed, holding her head in her hands. Why was this happening to her? Why wasn’t her brain working? Why wasn’t this girl letting her move on?

She held her breath and counted backwards form 10. She let long gaps stretch between the numbers until she pushed everything inside of her away. It would be fine, she would dodge this girl, redirect her to public affairs and the media relations department and go to the doctor’s. He’d probably tell her to change her eating habits, to cut back on coffee, to take some days off work and prescribe her some sleeping pills to readjust her sleep schedule and everything will be fine. She'd never have a lapse in memory again.

She’ll be good as new.

\-----

Except that even though the doctor’s appointment went exactly as she imagined, she still wasn’t good as new.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Ms….Yoo Ayeon?”

Ayeon scribbled something down on the mountain of paperwork that had somehow landed on her desk overnight. She was planning on spending her day off cleaning her apartment and then maybe going out, doing some shopping, trying to live a normal life. And then she remembered who she was, what situation she was currently in and then decided isolation might drive her insane.

She still couldn’t explain the missing gap in her memory and she knew bringing it up to Soya and Jinah would mean dealing with the biggest overreaction in the world. Instead, she pretended that it was just the result of an alcoholic bender and pushed it out of her mind. So, she accepted the coffee that one of the uniformed officers had set by her desk and just soldiered on. 

Maybe she was just tired and stressed.

So even though Jinah and Soya gave her shit for missing breakfast, she came in to work on her day off rather than being alone, “Speaking. Who is this?”

“I’m calling from South River Hospital in regard to Mr. Yoo Byung Cha.” 

Ayeon stilled and didn’t notice the way the pen in her hand started to shake, “Yes, that’s my father.”

Soya’s head shot up, catching Jinah’s attention who followed her gaze to Ayeon. Her brows furrowed together as she took in the trance-like state Ayeon was in.

“Is everything okay?” Ayeon, who normally spoke with an unshakeable tone, felt her voice quiver.

The nurse on the other end awkwardly cleared her throat, “Yes, everything is fine. I’m calling in regard to the visit that was scheduled today. Mr. Yoo no longer feels like he has the…energy for your visit. He was hoping you could reschedule to another date and time.”

Ayeon knew what that meant. Her father didn’t want to see his disappointing traitorous failure of a daughter. The last bit about wanting to reschedule didn’t come from the mouth of his father, that was the nurse’s embellishment to spare her feelings. “I see. Well, I have my schedule open when it comes to him. I’m available for whenever he has the _energy_ to see his daughter. Just let me know when he’s available and I’ll make it down.”

She added more venom in the last bit than she should’ve, and she could already hear her father scoffing at how poorly she handled the conversation, how she let her emotions undercut her words. She dulled out everything else the nurse was telling her until she could hang up. She dropped her cell phone to the table and sat motionless at her desk for a few seconds before standing and picking up her coat.

No amount of sleeping pills, healthy eating habits and days off would make her feel whole again.

She refused to meet Soya and Jinah’s inquisitive and knowing gazes and muttered a quick, “I’m stepping out.” Before ducking out of the office and up the emergency staircase that led to the roof of the precinct. 

She didn’t know what she was hoping to find when she sat on the pebbled floor of the roof. She assumed that being so close to the sky and so much above everything else provided a false sense of profoundness that might enlighten her on the disgusting feeling spinning in her stomach.

The feeling that tugged on the ends of her hair, reminding her that she was unloved by the people whose love should’ve been infallible. That she was a disappointment, that she was pining after the love and approval of someone as horrendous and monstrous as her father.

That no one ever taught her what it was like to embrace the act of _feeling_ and it left her a little broken and a lot scared.

She closed her eyes and pressed her fists to her lids when she heard the door behind her open. She heard uneven footsteps before the sound of Soya cursing under her breath. She opened her eyes just in time to see Soya’s heels drop down next to her as she sat down. “Next time, chose to be introspective at a spa or a beach.”

Ayeon let out a breathy laugh, “I know. It’s corny, you didn’t have to come up here. I just needed some air. I was about to come back down.”

“No, you weren’t, but that’s okay. I’ll always come up after you, we’re tied together. Sisters.” Soya hummed.

Ayeon’s lips tried to curve before they fell into a firm line, “He doesn’t want to see me. I should’ve known. He’s been throwing excuses the last few times.”

“He’ll never love you, Ayeon.” Soya said bluntly as she dusted her skirt, “And that’s not your fault. That’s no shortcoming of yours. He only ever loved your mom, more than she ever loved him. He loved her so much that he refused to let go of her even when he made her miserable. His love is nothing you should hurt over, nor does it value your worth. He’s a toxic man.”

Ayeon dug her nail into the skin between her thumb and her index finger, “He’s my dad. I don’t have much of a family now, do I? And before you say that you and Jinah are my family, I mean blood family. I’m alone.”

Soya nodded, “Maybe not, maybe you don’t have much of a blood family but you know your mother loves you, she just needs space and your father…you know how I feel about him. Having a biological family is as important as the weight we choose to give it. It doesn’t have to be the only anchor you have.” Soya mumbled.

Ayeon said nothing so Soya pushed on, “I know you don’t see it, but you are cut from a cloth of love and there is so much about you that is made to be loved.”

“I wish I could find someone like me who ended up okay, so I could know that I would end up okay.” She muttered while staring off at the skyline.

Even when the door creaked open behind them, she stayed unmoving. She smelled Jinah’s perfume before she saw her sitting down next to her. “I’m sorry, I overheard. Ayeon there are people around you every day who have been in your shoes and ended up full of love and being loved.”

“Who?” Ayeon muttered. “Who would understand having a father who you hates you and a mother who finally escaped and needs time to remember what it was like before she had a daughter?”

Soya opened her mouth to protest but Jinah quietly shook her head. She sat in a thoughtful silence until her eyes lit up, “Actually there is someone.”

Ayeon’s brows twitched as she turned slightly towards her. Jinah nodded to herself, “Well, not exactly but in a way. Jaehyun. The florist across the street.”

Ayeon turned back to face the skyline but her eyes shifted to the front of Maison De Fleurs. Jinah stretched her legs out in front of her, “He doesn’t have a family. He doesn’t have anyone who would ever understand what it’s like to be him. To be protective of him. To fight his battles for him. Hasn’t for a few years now. He doesn’t have kinship or a network of people who support him.”

“I’m confused. I thought you didn’t know him well.” Ayeon asked with a frown.

Soya rolled her eyes, only Ayeon would find priorities in places they didn’t belong, “It doesn’t matter how she knows him or how much she knows about him. What she’s trying to say is that if the florist that’s been working across the street from you has been dealing with something so close to what you’re going through, then imagine how many other people are too. Humans, we’re just good at acting okay all the time. It’s in our nature.”

She wished they could understand what it was like to want someone who hates you to still love you.

Jinah’s voice grew soft and a little sad, “He knows how to love, how to feel, how to empathize and he didn’t have anyone to teach him how.”

Ayeon let out a breath and screwed her eyes tight before standing up, “I should get back, I’ve been away from my desk for too long and I don’t want people talking.”

\-----

It was the wholesale market day.

It was his favourite day.

He was up at the break of dawn, wrapped up in a scarf and warm jacket with a travel mug of tea in his hand as he walked through the never-ending warehouse of wholesalers battering loudly with florists from all over the city trying to get their hands on the best haul of flowers.

The noise, the passion, the flowers, it filled him with so much adrenaline. He was usually quick at his shopping list, restocking on his stash. He finished his list but stayed at the warehouse, speaking to vendors, asking them about their husbands, wives, and children, learning about how the business was running, how the market was doing and who was looking to retire in the next year.

They were good people.

And of course, he was there for the people, but he was always keeping his eyes open for a batch of rare KokiOs that would sometimes float around. They were rare in breed but also on sale, no matter how early he would come, he’d always reach the vendor just as they were sold out on days that the KokiOs were even on sale. Every florist with half a brain wanted their hands on some.

“Son!”

He was pulled out of his thoughts when an older woman, one of his favourites, waved him over, “Were you going to leave without seeing me?”

Jaehyun scoffed, “In what world would I ever betray you like that? You’re the best part of the wholesale day.”

The woman slapped his arm while chuckling, “How are you? How’s the store?”

“Good, it’s got a steady flow of business, I’m thinking of bringing on some more help part-time instead of irregularly. It’s been treating me well.” He said with a grin as he inspected her stock. He ended up buying a few batches despite having crossed everything off his list already. 

They chatted away, swapping tips and tricks of increasing the longevity of certain flowers before she tugged him aside.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but rumour has it one of the vendors ordered some KokiOs for next week.”

His eyes widened, “No way.”

“So, get your butt here early.”

If he was a storybook character, he’d be skipping down the street but instead, his heart was skipping as he walked his way home. Nothing pulls his head up above water the way that coming home after stocking up on flowers does. And he would make sure he bought those KokiOs no matter what it took. He turned the corner and slowed down when he noticed an old woman walking her dog and a couple standing hand in hand stood in front of his closed shop with dubious looks on their faces.

His smile shriveled as he picked up his pace, and disbelief washed over him as he stood in front of his doorstep. This had to be a joke, a long sick twisted joke.

His window was smashed, again.


	4. gladioli

Three time’s the charm, isn’t it?

The third time she’s interacted with Jaehyun and the third time she’s been inside his shop.

Interestingly enough, it was only the second time someone chucked a brick through his window.

“So, when you said that this never happens…” Ayeon started as she tapped her pen against his counter, staring at the shattered glass.

Déjà vu times a thousand.

Jaehyun pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, “I was clearly wrong.”

He had called her directly this time, not bothering with the police.

She watched him carefully, she hated to admit that her perspective of him was jaded by the little that Jinah had revealed about him. She couldn’t have guessed any of what she said based on how he carried himself. She felt a bit like a peeping Tom, knowing something so intimate about him without his knowledge.

Little did she know, he was going through the same conflict.

He couldn’t spot a single fracture in her foundation despite what she had witnessed. He wondered how she did it so well. How witnessing death didn’t change every fundamental aspect of her.

She shook her head, “None of the other businesses have been treated this way. Is there anyone or anything at all you can think of? An angry customer? Someone you confronted?”

He let her question linger and for a second, he toyed with the idea of being honest before reeling it back. The note he found attached to the brick was still burning a hole in his pocket.

“No, I don’t.”

She frowned, “And this time it was in daylight too. This isn’t an accident.”

“I don’t need to know who’s doing this, I just need to bide my time until the cameras get set up and maybe next time I’ll spring for pricier glass.” He shrugged off while rubbing his forehead. 

She shot him a strange look, “Cameras and thick glass won’t matter if you don’t know who's doing this. They’ll just find another way to harass you if this is something more than petty vandalism.”

He hadn’t thought of that. She was right.

His face fell and he nodded, “Hopefully it’ll end soon. Thank you, detective. You’ve done all you can.”

“I have a question.” She worded carefully, drawing his eyes to her. She was started to find his gaze unnerving. He never faltered, he never looked away in embarrassment or evasion. He looked people dead on and she wasn’t used to it.

“Anything, detective.” He replied calmly as he begun sweeping up the shards of glass. His voice was deep, she had never noticed before, the halo effect she guessed, he was also so calm, gentle words and dressed in soft colours, she hadn’t noticed the contrast of his voice.

She stood in his way, the broom hitting her shoes before he stopped. She pulled the broom from him and he let it slip through his fingers as he tried to meet her eyes. Ayeon kept her gaze on the floor as she created a small pile of glass shard on the ground, “Why did you call me? I know I gave you my number and I’m glad you used it, but why didn’t you call the police instead? Why me directly?”

Jaehyun followed her with his eyes, she moved with purpose when collecting the shards. He leaned against his counter, the throbbing in his head starting to lessen in her presence, “I’m not sure, I guess I wanted to make sure the person who came here knew what happened a day ago. I just couldn’t deal with dozens of people coming in an out of here again.”

She nodded as she crouched to sweep the shard into a dust pan. He chewed the inside of his lip, “You also strike me as someone who cares a great deal about the people you work for.”

“Why do you think that?”

“You said that my sense of security counted as a loss. No one has ever said that to me before.” He said softly.

Ayeon silently dumped the shards into a garbage bag before handing them back to him, she didn’t remember saying any of that to him, she figured it was part of the hazy memory she had of talking to him. He caught her gaze and her breath hitched at the meaningfulness that weighed them, “Would you like some tea, detective?”

“I prefer coffee.” She deflected.

He gave her a smile, “Unfortunately I don’t. My stash is limited to tea.”

“Then I’ll pass.” She replied.

He hummed and walked away, depositing the broom and pan in the utility room in the back and froze mid-step on his way back when he saw Ayeon sitting at the small delicate metal table he had set up as a decoration, pulling her laptop out and stripping her jacket off, hanging it on the chair.

“Detective?”

Ayeon powered up her laptop before pulling out files, “I’d like to see someone chucking a brick through your window with me sitting right next to it.”

He was stunned speechless, “I’m sorry, you’re just going to sit there? The entire day?”

“Of course.” She said simply, her eyes cutting across to meet his. “Unfortunately, I can’t do anything about your shop when it’s closed but if your cameras are going to be installed soon, I can at least do this.”

She unholstered her gun with the safety on and set it on the table, in clear view of the window.

A power move.

It made him smile.

“You don’t need to be here, you know.” He quipped. “Vandals tend to not hit the same place thrice.”

He knew very well that she heard him and that she registered what he had said but she just stared at her screen. “Hilarious.”

Triple seemed to have understood the new situation because he had leaped up to his bed perch and position himself to face Ayeon, his eyes watching her every move in content as his tail lazily swayed back and forth.

He grinned to himself, “I can handle myself.”

“I’m not doubting you can. I’d just rather not put that responsibility on a civilian when he lives next to a police precinct. Plus, this way you don’t have to shut your store down for a second day. I called my repair guy, he’s a bit confused but he’ll rush order your window.” She said while looking between her files and the screen.

His smile grew as he picked up his list of things to do for the day and headed to the back, “I think I’m going to like you, detective.”

She looked up from her things and followed his back with her eyes as he disappeared behind the plastic curtains.

\-----

Ayeon woke up with the same forgetfulness, luckily, she remembered everything up until she got home from work, the rest was a blur. She could feel her heart race in fear, her parents didn’t have any major health issues but what if this was something serious?

What if there was seriously something wrong with her?

She checked her phone and felt sick when she saw a couple of harmless text exchanges between her and Jinah and Soya. It was frustrating that she couldn’t remember something as simple. It scared her that she couldn’t remember how she got into bed.

She was losing it.

\-----

Mina paced around her bedroom while reading her show notes.

She was hitting a brick wall.

Her editor was on her ass to get him the first episode’s script by the end of the month but if she couldn’t even secure an interview with the only person whose perspective matters, she wouldn’t even have a first episode.

As on now, all she had was some vague theories and circumstantial evidence. If she couldn’t find a single credible source to back it up, she would have nothing worth listening to and her editor would scrap the entire thing before it could air.

And she wasn’t about to go back to writing about the _Top 15 Restaurants You Must Try_.

She pulled out the picture of Lucas and Ayeon, there was a story here, she could sense it. Even though none of the cops were willing to talk to her, she had heard through the grapevine that Officer Huang had feelings for Detective Yoo but that she didn’t reciprocate.

She could spin this into a heartbreaking tale of one-sided love and sacrifice or a sick thriller or manipulation and cover-up. All she needed was information from Yoo Ayeon.

If she had that, she could break this story.

Because no matter what Detective Yoo or anyone else had to say about Officer Huang’s death being at the hands of the Delco group, something wasn’t adding up. Timelines didn’t make sense and it seemed no one at the precinct wanted to go through the evidence with a fine tooth comb.

His death was tied to something bigger and she was going to figure it out.

\-----

It was a relief to come down to his shop the next morning and see his window in one piece. He wasn’t sure how long this cease-fire was going to last but he was willing to take what he got. Ayeon’s presence must really have made an impact and a part of him, a small, almost insignificant part of him wished she was back.

Aside from the sense of security, she gave him, she had a nice aura about her, one where he didn’t feel hyper-aware of his actions. He could work in the same room as her and not feel tensed and watched. That was rare for him. 

He pulled out everything he needed for his day and made himself a cup of tea. He was going to move past this, he still had a few days before the seven-day deadline was up and he’ll deal with it when the time comes. He pulled out the second note and stared at the thick black writing.

_I’M WATCHING_

He crumpled it up and shoved it back into his pocket. For now, he had a business to run and orders to complete. He finished up his tea and pulled some tubs of flowers out front in preparation of an order he was putting together for an employee’s last day at work.

He looked up when the bell rang, it was rare for a customer to come in so early. His eyes widened when Ayeon swung the front door open, a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes as she settled into the table, “The window is fixed, detective.”

“I see that.” She said as she pushed the sunglasses to the top of her head and pulled out her belongings, “The security cameras are another story.”

It was easier to say that than to explain how desperately she didn’t want to have to sit in that precinct surrounded by cops who were still giving her looks. She had finished more work in Jaehyun’s store than she had in the week she had been in the precinct. She was going to milk this as long as she could. It helped that Jinah was willing to cover for her and enabled her to take as much as she needed.

“They’re being installed today.” He said while sheering the stem of its thorns.

She unwound her earphones and plugged them in, “Well, I’ll be here until then.”

Before Jaehyun could question her further, Triple strutted into the room at the sound of her voice and reached up to paw the side of her chair, mewling for attention. Ayeon’s eyes stayed pinned on her work, a crease already forming between her brows, but he watched, amazed, as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small treat before holding it out to Triple who nearly fell over in delight.

He turned and walked to his back room, his feet moving to match the pace of his heart.

This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all.

\-----

Ayeon was pulled from her work when a delicate cup of tea was set down next to her. She looked up and crashed into Jaehyun’s smile, “It’s still not coffee, I’m sorry, but it’s good.”

She lifted the cup, out of courtesy, the fragrance wasn’t something she was used to, but she took a cursory sip. It was nice, the right amount of sweet and bitter but it was odd to not be hit with the rush of adrenaline that coffee would give her.

He smiled at her attempt and was about to turn away when she kicked the empty chair in front of her out, “Sit down if you’d like.”

Her comment surprised the both of them and part of her hoped that he’d turn her down, citing the need to get work done as an excuse. But she had watched him buzz around the store for 6 hours straight doing work and managing customers.

He sat down slowly as if he was waiting for her to pull the chair out from under him. She eyed him just as cautiously, “Your parents must like the shop, have they checked in on you?”

He could catch a probing question from a mile away, especially coming from a cop, “No, my parents passed before I opened the shop.”

Her mind wandered, how would she have felt if her father had died? If he wasn’t around and wasn’t a weighing on her mind? Would his presence still linger, or would she have felt free?

Would she be sad?

“Siblings?” She asked while taking another sip.

His smile shifted to one so loving and genuine that she looked away, “Yes. One.”

“Do you still talk to them?”

“No. Not anymore. She passed.” His tone was even, but she saw the sadness in his eyes. Someone’s pain was more uncomfortable to witness than porn in public.

Her eyes widened, she hadn’t expected that revelation. He was really all alone. “Oh, you must’ve really loved her.”

He appreciated that she glazed over the song and dance that comes with _‘oh I’m so sorry for your loss’_ and _‘it’s okay. I moved on.’_

“I do.”

Above all else, he appreciated that she seemed to gauge what topics he wanted to dwell on and which he wants to skim past.

“What’s his story?” She asked while nodding at Triple.

Jaehyun grinned as he stared at him, “Found him behind the shop, he was abandoned and chewing on old flower scraps I threw out. Took him to a vet, got him back and ready to go. I was fostering him but no one wanted a three-legged cat, so I kept him. He’s lazy but I couldn’t pick better company to keep.”

She looked over at the cat who let out a long yawn.

“What about you?”

She hummed non-committedly, “I don’t have a pet.”

“Do you have a family?” He fired back.

She paused, and he could see her picking her words carefully from a laundry list of choices, “Technically.”

He moved swiftly from one touchy subject to another, “How’s work?”

The question felt weird, it sounded too familiar, like they were close friends that were up to date on each other’s personal lives. Then again, maybe this was his way of being okay with having a stranger take up residence at his place of work. Maybe this is how normal people communicated and became acquaintances.

“What are your thoughts on podcasts?”

He didn’t miss a beat, “I love them. When I’m working after closing, I’m usually playing them in the background. Why?”

“Some girl came into my precinct, wanting to interview me for one.” She said offhandedly.

He inspected her face, “You hate that she did that.”

“It’s nothing. It’s just something I’m not used to.” She didn’t want to admit that, yeah, she did hate it because then she’d have to tell him why.

“Well, you’re a detective, your privacy isn’t just about you but also protecting the people you work with but sometimes the public requires a certain level of transparency when they agree to put their lives in the hands of police officers.” He said.

Her eyes scanned his face, caressing over every curve and pane. She wanted to tell him that transparency is one thing, but Mina’s accusations were in a league of their own. She didn’t have to acknowledge those.

She turned it back on him, “How do you know Detective Kim Jinah? She’s a team lead at the precinct.”

He leaned a bit towards her, “Is this an interrogation or are you just trying to get to know me better, detective? I can’t tell if I should be flattered or offended.”

“Be neither, I was just asking.” She said.

He stood, dusting himself off, “I know a lot of people from that precinct, detective. Everyone needs flowers.”

\-----

The next day, Jaehyun had barely flipped the sign to _Open_ when Ayeon strolled in. His eyebrow twitched but he said nothing. The cameras were installed and functional, the window was replaced with a thicker resistance coating and his store had been left untouched for days now.

Ayeon had no reason to be in his shop today.

But he didn’t voice this observation out.

Instead, he watched with mild amusement as she stared at the space where she used to sit. The chair and table were gone. She turned to him, but he nodded to the back, luring her behind him. She followed closely until he revealed the new position of the desk and chair in a comfortable and private location in his storage room.

“I hadn’t realized I was such an eyesore.” She commented as she dropped her belongings on it. Her eyes took in the soft blue button down tucked under a dark grey cardigan that he wore.

He laughed, “Not at all, detective. I just figured you need your privacy and not have to deal with my nosy customers coming in and out.”

Ayeon rocked on her heels at the uncomfortable shift in her chest. She didn’t like this. She didn’t like him expecting her in his store, making her a permanent space in it. “You shouldn’t have. In fact, I should probably go back to the precinct. Your shop is doing fine, everything is in place. You can always call me if anything’s wrong.”

He was silent, neither upset nor disappointed, he just watched the flurry of emotion that flitted past the face until she decided on an impassive look. He nodded slowly, “Of course.”

Triple strolled in, rubbing up against Jaehyun before peering up at Ayeon expectantly. She reached into her pocket and pulled out another treat, feeding it to him before dusting off her hands. He ground his jaw tightly when that same itch grew in his chest before smiling, “Thank you for everything, detective.”

She nodded briskly and walked out of the store as if it held a great curse.

\------

Ayeon held her breath as she walked into the precinct and felt dread and annoyance flood her as she spotted Mina’s fiery red hair standing by her desk, speaking to Jinah.

Why couldn’t she leave her alone?

By accident, Jinah’s eyes darted to Ayeon, making Mina turn to follow her gaze. “Detective Yoo!”

“Fucking hell.” Ayeon muttered. She turned and walked out of the room, the minute she was out of view, she started running out of the precinct and towards Jaehyun’s store. She knew this was a childish and immature way to handle Mina and she could hear her father scolding her, but she didn’t care.

She couldn’t deal with that girl.

Not yet.

Jaehyun looked up when the bells on the front door sang. His eyes widened when Ayeon came running towards him, muttering curses under her breath. He opened his mouth to ask but she had already leaped over the counter with a level of grace that he imagined only someone like her could posses before ducking beside his legs. He just stared, stunned, until the little bell over his door rung for the second time.

He looked up at a young girl, probably in her early twenties with bright red hair glance around his shop impatiently. “Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Detective Yoo.” He felt her hand claw into his calf and nearly hissed out loud. “Detective Yoo Ayeon. Did she come in here?”

He shrugged, “No, she’s not here.” The girl’s shoulders dropped, and she turned to the door before looking at him.

He stiffened and glanced down at Ayeon who looked furious. He stood closer to her, nudging her further under the counter.

“What can you tell me about Detective Yoo? How well do you know her?” Mina prodded.

He tilted his head, “Not that well, she came in once to pick up an order, we shared some small talk and she was on her way.”

Mina looked disappointed but Jaehyun called out to her, “Why are you looking for her?”

He felt Ayeon’s nails dig in harder but ignored it. Mina scratched the back of her neck, “I’m looking to interview her about the death of a fellow officer. I think it’s suspicious and she was a witness.”

“You think that’s the best thing to do?” He asked.

She frowned, “Are you threatening me?”

“Absolutely not. I’m simply asking you a question. Do you think forcing a woman who had experienced a great deal of emotional trauma and loss to re-live it for your gain is the healthiest thing to do? Do you think it’s right?” He questioned.

He felt Ayeon’s grip on his calf slacken. Mina gave him a look, “She’s a cop.”

“Just because she’s a cop doesn’t mean she witnesses death everyday especially one of a fellow officer. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to know more and find answers but you should remember there’s a human behind the badge.” He began gathering the stray flowers on his workbench, cleaning up. “You don’t know what people have gone through and how thin the string is that’s holding everything together.”

Mina narrowed her eyes, “Who even are you?”

He gave her his signature calming smile, “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Ayeon hugged her knees and waited for the bells to ring, signaling Mina’s departure. Triple crept around the corner before chewing on Ayeon’s laces. She threw a treat in his direction, distracting him. 

Jaehyun slid down next to her, hugging his own knees. “I hope I didn’t cross any lines when speaking to her.”

She shook her head, “You didn’t. Thank you for handling that.” 

“The officer’s death she was talking about, it was in the news paper, wasn’t it?”

Ayeon felt like her tongue was made of lead, “Yes.”

“And it’s who you picked those flowers up for?” 

“Yes.” She repeated and was glad she caught her voice before it cracked.

He nodded and rested his head against the counter, “Detective, you are more than welcome to spend everyday in my back room if it means avoiding that woman.”

She looked over at him and frowned but he just met her with a smile, “Don’t overthink it, just be open to the offer.”

She didn’t understand what she was feeling or how uncertain she was, “If I agree, will you start stocking up on coffee?”

“Absolutely not, detective.”


	5. hydrangeas

“I’ll have to pass.” Ayeon said as she pushed herself up, dusting herself off.

His brows quirked as he stood as well, “Was the coffee really such a deal breaker?”

“Thank you for the temporary shelter.” She said with a roll of her eyes. 

He grinned as he watched her. She gave him a last look before walking out of his shop. He enjoyed the utter stable insanity she carried with her. He hadn’t seen that in a while. Someone who had everything together but still did the most unexpected things. He walked over the counter and pulled out the newspaper from yesterday that he had tucked away. He opened it up and stared at the picture of the young officer. Was that reporter girl, right? Was there something suspicious about his death?

Ayeon didn’t seem like someone who wouldn’t admit something so monumental. But then again, what did he really know about her other than the fact that she was a detective?

And when was that enough for him to trust anyone?

\-----

“Wait, what are you talking about?" Soya balked as she stirred the tomato sauce over the stove.

Jinah played dumb, just swirling her glass of wine, “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I cannot believe you, right now.” Soya hissed, “She’s working out of his shop?”

Jinah took an innocent sip, “She’s just doing her job.”

“Oh no, you know it’s not just that. She has no reason to be there physically.” Soya said as she fretted around the kitchen, throwing together a dinner she had planned, the three of them, but the third guest had yet to arrive.

Jinah took her girlfriend’s hand in an attempt to calm her down, “Why is this upsetting you?”

“I’m not upset! I’m angry!” She bit back.

Jinah kept her voice even, “Then why is it angering you?”

“Because! Because she is my best friend, I watched her go through hell and what if all of this blows up in her face? What if he hurts her? I didn’t think she’d get this comfortable with him so quickly!”

Jinah stroked her hand with her thumb, “She’s not all that comfortable. She was working out of the precinct today after we got rid of that Mina girl.”

“Ugh and don’t get me started on her. It’s just…Ayeon is so careful with her heart and her father really did a number on her. What if, and this is a major _if_ , things turn romantic, but he doesn’t love her the way she wants? It could destroy whatever she has leftover from her dad. It’ll just cement whatever misconceptions she already has about being vulnerable and letting other people in.”

Jinah sighed, “You don’t even know if romance is the end game between the two. I know him, he’s someone who could be an amazing person in her life just by being in it. It doesn’t have to be romantic. I’m not trying to set them up.“

“I’m angry because he hurt you and if he could hurt you, he could hurt her.” Soya exclaimed.

She gave her a hard look, “You know that’s not fair to him. I messed it up too.”

“I don’t care. These are people I love. I don’t have to be fair.” But Soya’s eyes softened, it was in her blood to be fair and understanding. “I feel like if she decides to love someone, there is so much riding on that relationship to work out. I don’t want her to choose someone that doesn’t understand or value that.”

“Honey, I don’t think you get a say in that.” Jinah said softly.

She huffed, “Neither do you!”

Jinah nodded, “Fair. But honestly? I couldn’t give a damn if they want to date, I just think that he could be a breath of fresh air to her. Someone who can give her a clean break.”

Soya still looked unsure, so Jinah pulled her in closer, “We need to let her make her mistakes. She needs to get better used to falling and getting back up. The more we bubble wrap her, the harder it’ll be when she falls.”

When the doorbell rang, Soya moved away to open it but Jinah stopped her, “Listen, you’re right to be protective of her. You love her and want her to be happy, she’s your best friend. Can I just ask that you don’t bring it up while she’s here? If she’s willing to open up, even unintentionally, to someone who isn’t just you and I, I think we shouldn’t make her feel about doing it.”

Soya sighed, “Okay. Fine. You’re right.”

Jinah brushed her hair to the side, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Soya said softly, kissing Jinah before going to the door.

Ayeon grinned and held up a bottle of wine, “I’m ready to eat!”

\-----

Plates licked clean, dirty dishes stacked in the sink, candles melted to the stub, the three of them were sprawled out on Soya’s couch abandoning the slice of cake in favour of a glass of hearty wine.

“I’m excited. We’ve booked our tickets, two weeks of white sand beaches, the bluest of blue waters and mixed drinks so sweet and alcoholic that I probably won’t even remember the vacation. I can’t wait. I might just quit so I can leave tomorrow.”

Jinah smiled, “I could use the vacation. I don’t want to see those old rats faces ever again.”

“Cheers to me being jealous.” Ayeon said while lifting her glass.

Soya tilted her head, “Why don’t you take some time off? Travel or something?”

“I literally _just_ came back to work.” She deadpanned.

Jinah clucked her tongue, “From medical leave. You have so many vacation days saved up, use it to do something fun.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Ayeon said non-committedly.

Soya trod carefully, “Change might be nice. Refreshing.”

“That’s one way to describe it.” Ayeon snorted as she sipped her wine.

“Well…how else would you?” Jinah promoted.

“Change is hard. It’s frustrating. I don’t know how to do because I’m used to this version of myself.” Ayeon said as she played with the rim of her wine glass.

Jinah stared at the glass in her hand, “Being used to something doesn’t mean it’s going to make you the happiest. Trust me, I know.”

Ayeon laid down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling, “’I am happy.”

Soya’s nails dug into Jinah’s thigh as she shot her a worried look, “I know, girl.”

“So, if I’m happy, I don’t need to change. Everything will be okay. I’ll be fine. I _am_ fine.” Ayeon said firmly.

Soya chewed on her lip, “But what if, hypothetically, change could make you _happier_? Like this entire time, you though your glass was full but then you take a step back and notice that the glass is actually a lot bigger and not as full.”

“I think I lost you.”

“Like, this entire time you think that you’re at your happiest, but it turns out that you didn’t realize there are things that exist out there that could’ve made you so much happier.” Soya worded out carefully.

Ayeon just groaned and rubbed her temples.

“The butterfly challenge!” Soya exclaimed, clapping her hands.

Jinah made a face, “I already hate whatever this is. Tell me more.”

“How drunk are you?” Ayeon asked incredulously.

“Hear me out. Caterpillars transform into butterflies. We’re going to transform you the same way with the butterfly challenge.”

Jinah shook her head, “Hone—”

“What’s the challenge?” Ayeon asked.

Jinah’s cut her gaze across to Ayeon who almost looked engrossed in what Soya was saying, “New Years is coming up-“

“In two months.” Jinah cut in.

Soya shot her a look, “Okay, for this challenge, whenever someone suggests something, or you think of something that you would typically not do, you have to do it!”

“Uh…” Ayeon looked uncertain.

Soya sat up, “But! It only counts if it’s something you really want to do deep down, but you wouldn’t either because of your dad, Lucas or whatever other hang up.”

“Gentle.” Jinah mumbled to Soya when she saw a hardened look pass Ayeon’s face. Soya waved her hands around, “Just go out there and do things! The next two months be reckless, takes risks! Do the things that you’ve secretly wished you were capable of doing. By giving this challenge a name, we’re legitimizing it!”

“You could start with Jaehyun.” Jinah added in.

This time Soya looked unsure but Ayeon just frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Why not use him as ground 0? You’re already out of your depth with how much time you’ve spent around him, why not keep it going?” Jinah said.

Ayeon frowned, “I didn’t even spend that much time with him.”

“But you still have more of a head start with than anyone else.” She said with a shrug. “Think about it.”

Soya leaned against Jinah, “Give it a shot. What’s the worst that could happen?”

\-----

Jaehyun was in the back, pulling out a very special crate of flowers, he was buzzing with excitement.

It happened, he had finally got his hands on some KokiOs and his mind was filled with different stunning arrangements. He never thought it was possible and nearly fell over when he got a call from the lady at the wholesale market telling him that she managed to sweet talk a vendor into setting aside some KokiOs for him.

He just stopped and stared in amazement. It felt unreal, the large white petals, the red stigma, it was stunning. He felt like he was transported to a beautiful island and the little girl whose father had called in for the arrangement was going to love it. He had stressed over figuring out whose order he was going to use the KokiOs for but a little girl with cancer trapped in a drab old hospital room?

Easiest decision in his life.

However, the excitement drained when he heard the bells of his front door chime. The shop wasn’t open yet. The door was still locked. Whoever was in his store with him, wasn’t supposed to be. He looked around before picking up a thin shearing blade and slowly moved to the front, weighing his chances as the uninvited visitor came into view.

The sight of long soft black hair falling in curls allowed him the moment to relax. She was leaning against the counter with her back toward him until she heard him sigh. She turned with a pair of sunglasses shielding her eyes and two cups of coffee placed gingerly on his workspace with a box of pastries next to it.

“It’s 5 AM.” She deadpanned. He blinked and walked to the coffee before picking up the one with his name on it.

He took a sip, a strange sensation ran through his body when he tasted the richness of the tea, “I’m aware…are you?”

She grunted and turned her back from him to stare out at the street, “I couldn’t sleep, and I don’t want to talk to the night crew.”

“How did you get in? The door was locked.”

Her eyes stayed on the door, “You need to find a better hiding spot for your spare.”

He glanced at the box of pastries where his spare key was indeed placed on top of. “I’m over the moon that somehow I’ve won your favour.”

“That sounds like sarcasm and at 5AM no less.” She muttered. Even at the break of dawn, he was equipped in pale pink and giraffe print.

His lips curved into a smile, “Oh detective, I don’t do sarcasm. I mean what I say.”

She hummed and just sipped on her coffee. He set his cup down and flipped open the box, “I didn’t think you’d have much of a sweet tooth.”

“Those aren’t for me.”

He looked up and finally she turned to look at him, “Thank you but what did I do to deserve these?”

“If I’m going to spend my days here, I might as well pay you in the form of cavities.”

His smile grew, “I appreciate it. What made you change your mind?”

“It’s an experiment I’m trying.” She said vaguely before walking past him and into the back room where the table and chair he had set up for her.

He tilted his head as he bit into one of the pastries, “Care to share?”

“Absolutely not.” She said breezily, ripping a laugh out of his chest. She looked over at the sound, analyzing the way his eyes curved up and then the handful of flowers he was holding.

 _Huh_. She thought.

 _Pretty_.

\-----

She wondered when he was going to notice.

Ayeon abandoned her desk and was leaning up against the doorway from the backroom, watching Jaehyun put an arrangement together. He was lacing together a beautiful exotic flower with other pieces he had on hand. She could tell the focal point where the exotic looking ones just based on the way he stared and touched them.

He would move between an image he had on a notebook and the physical arrangement, ensuring every single addition was perfect. His hands were steady but his entire body was tense as he worked like he was holding his breath.

Clearly, they were very important to him.

“Is there something you need, detective?”

Her eyes widened as she straightened up, “No, I didn’t think you’d notice me. I didn’t mean to distract you.”

She didn’t see the way he smiled to himself as he slid in another KokiO into the arrangement, “I noticed you the second you walked over.”

Ayeon walked up and stood next to him. She eyed the creation in front of him, “How do you do that?”

“I just keep putting things together. Much like I’m sure you do with evidence. Certain things just make sense.”

She frowned, “I deal with evidence that doesn’t make sense all the time.”

“Maybe not exactly. I guess I go more with how I want the person getting the flowers to feel when they see them. I work off of emotion. I guess you can’t afford to do that.” He reasoned.

She frowned, “No, I can’t. Is it nice? Do you like working with your emotions in your job?”

He stilled, she sounded so young and green, like the concept was so new to her. A woman who carried herself with assurance. “I do. I think it helps me grow and reminds me to use emotions that I sometimes forget to take for granted.”

“That must be nice.”

He turned to look at her when he heard what almost sounded like melancholy in her voice but she was already walking away.

\------

“Tell me something interesting.” She said abruptly, pulling him from the inventory chores he was in the middle of.

He didn’t waste a second, “Did you know that centuries ago in Holland, tulips were more valuable than gold.”

“I bet you could buy a mansion.” She replied, eyeing the fridge worth of tulips.

He scribbled something on a clipboard, “Now your turn. Tell me something interesting.”

“I don—”

“About you.”

He finished whatever he was writing and met her gaze when she went silent. “Go on.”

She scoffed, “That’s not equivalent.”

He just leaned against the wall, watching her, waiting. She was about to roll her eyes and turn away when her conversation with Jinah and Soya echoed in her mind.

Could it hurt?

“Let’s play a game.”

He was enthralled. By her? By her attitude? “Different than the experiment?”

“Yes. 2 truths and a lie.”

He set his clipboard down and crossed his arms, “Okay. You first.”

“Okay. One: I used to dance ballet. Two: Black isn’t my natural hair colour. Three: I once misfired my training gun and short-circuited an entire building.”

He stared at her for a second before grinning, “Black hair suits you, detective.”

“You’re serious.” She was dumbfounded. “How?”

He held his fingers out, “Your hair has no damage or roots and you added too much detail in that last one for it to be a lie.”

“What about the ballet one?” She asked suspiciously.

His eyes sank into hers, “You don’t realize how graceful you are, do you detective?”

She was speechless for a minute before she choked out, “Your turn.”

“One: I have a sister. Two: Triple is my first pet. Three: I think you are the most beautiful woman alive.”

She scowled and threw a pencil at him, “That was cruel.”

He caught the pencil before chuckling, “Come on, detective.”

“Whatever.” She mumbled while turning away. She was ready to just jump into work when one of the pastries from earlier was set down next to her on a delicate little plate.

“It’s good to have you here, detective.”

\-----

It had become a pattern.

In his defense, Jaehyun was used to patterns.

He went to the wholesale on the same days, he opened and closed his shop on the dot at the same time, he liked patterns. It’s how he lived his life, it’s how he felt normal and kept himself busy. The issue was that this was the first time he had a pattern with another person.

Ayeon would come in every day, take a seat, do her work, reluctantly let him offer her different kinds of tea in a feeble attempt to find one that she would finally like and go home at closing. There were a few rare times when they had even shared lunch together, sitting in the back, both exhausted in a comfortable silence.

He had created a pseudo-routine with her and he wasn’t sure how long it was going to last. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how he felt about it. However, the pattern wasn’t an imposition on him, they co-existed.

She had her orbit and he had his and every now and then the moments when their orbits crossed, they moved in harmony. He didn’t think he would exist so well outside his own head but apparently, he did…with her. He wasn’t entirely sure how that made him feel but it wasn’t enough to make her stop coming in every day.

He walked by her desk and pushed at it with his toes, it was uneven, she had tucked some folded-up pieces of paper under one of the legs, but it wasn’t good enough.

To be fair, he had just pulled together the furniture he had which was minimal at best.

He dragged two garbage bags out the back door, after closing up. He had convinced Ayeon that once he locked up, he’d be fine on his own. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so confident.

Jaehyun grit his teeth and heaved the two bags into the dumpster. His entire body was singing in pain and his feet were sore. Maybe it was the physical and mental exhaustion or maybe he was just getting rusty, but he didn’t hear the sounds of gravel crunching under shoes, the steady breath of someone near and the vice grip on his shoulder until it was too late.

Until he was turned around and knocked to the ground.


	6. elderflowers

It was pain that he couldn’t believe.

The shock had provided his assailant with enough of an advantage as Jaehyun laid helplessly on the ground, desperately gasping for air as his chest took repeated hits. The burning spread through his body as the sickening metallic taste of blood hit him.

He couldn’t fight back. He knew there was only one of them but his body as malfunctioning, it wasn’t doing what his brain was screaming at him to. To get up, to fix his stance, to fight back.

To win.

Instead, he stayed on the ground with his eyes screwed shut waiting for it all to stop. And with time, it did.

He felt a grip on his collar and was lifted up, he peeled his eyes open, his body ringing with so much pain that it was transitioning into utter numbness. It hurt so much that he was starting to feel nothing at all. As if he left his body on the ground and detached himself from the onslaught. He stared at the face in front of him, one that he did not recognize, not that it mattered. He already knew who was responsible and he knew that even if he did fight back and even if he won, he’d still lose.

“7 days are up, florist. You’re not getting 7 more.”

Jaehyun grabbed onto his arm, “I have half.”

“I know.” Another voice quipped. He turned his head to see another face he didn’t recognize. The man bent down and held up a worn-out envelope that Jaehyun had been slowly and bitterly filling. “But I took another quarter. Just to speed things up.”

Jaehyun wanted to protest. He had calculated everything perfectly to make sure he gave him them _something_ while still hanging onto something for himself but figured better of it. He was in no position to argue with these men. He’d just have to give him and Triple a little less than normal for the next two weeks.

Whatever it took for this to be over.

He was dropped back to the ground and with a final kick to the ribs, they turned to leave while calling out.

“4 more days for the last quarter.”

Fuck.

\-----

Ayeon did not notice it, but life had started to feel a lot better.

She kept herself busy and the last week she spent in Jaehyun’s shop had relieved her of the pressure of her colleagues’ gazes. She wasn’t surrounded by constant reminders of Lucas’s death, she was surrounded by flowers, gentle music and a man so engrossed in his work that sometimes he'd let hours and meals pass him by. He also sang, well, more like hummed, but it was nice when she was working and she'd hear him in the background over the music.

And the blackouts had stopped.

She was waking up every morning remembering exactly how she got into bed, every detail of her night. She was truly fine. For a second, she was letting herself believe that maybe she would actually be okay. Maybe everything would work out.

Maybe, but only for a second.

Ayeon pulled on the door, taken off-guard when it didn’t budge. She checked her watch, it was past his opening hours, the shop should’ve been opened by now. Ayeon pulled her sunglasses off and took a step back, there was a sign on the door in Jaehyun’s handwriting. Her eyes ran over the words, her lips dipping further and further into a frown.

_We are closed until further notice. Sorry for the inconvenience!_ _😊_

It didn’t make sense. She had just seen him yesterday and he said nothing about the shop closing. She figured he would’ve let her know before she left or at least sent her a hasty text message. He didn’t seem like someone who did things on a whim like this. She cupped her eyes and leaned against the glass, trying to catch any movement but there was none, not even a light.

“He called and said he was going to be closed.”

She turned and looked at the older lady next door, setting up a chalkboard sign outside of her bakery. “In case any packages came in or someone was looking for him urgently.”

“Do you know why he’s closed?”

She shook her head, “Didn’t say. Just said something personal came up.”

“For how long?”

She shook her head again before going back inside, “Didn’t say.”

If he wasn’t open, that meant that she had nowhere to hide and do work. No escape. That meant--She looked back at the precinct and felt her gut churn.

Fuck.

\-----

Jinah’s eyes widened when Ayeon walked into the precinct. She had been working _remotely_ for over a week, at least that’s what people at work thought. They didn’t need to know that she was only across the street.

She had thought that things were going well, that they were getting along without a complaint and that for once, Ayeon wouldn’t run away in an insecure and uncertain panic. She had to give it to Soya, the butterfly challenge was actually working. She didn’t know how that brilliant woman managed to hook Ayeon on a plan like that but she did.

“Hey, you came in today.” She said cautiously as Ayeon set her bag down.

She looked confused herself, “Yeah…he’s closed.”

“The shop is? At 8AM?” Jinah asked incredulously.

She nodded, “Apparently something personal came up.”

Jinah’s face darkened before her jaw locked, “Is that so?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t tell me himself. I guess it was an emergency, it’s closed until further notice.” Ayeon began unpacking her things slowly, her eyes darting to the officers around her every now and then.

Jinah’s fingers danced impatiently, “Maybe you should check on him.”

“Why? He said it was personal and maybe he’s not even home. He might not want company and we’re not even close enough for me to casually ‘check in’ on him without him being weird.” Ayeon rattled off.

Jinah forgot what was weighing on her mind as she fought off a smile, “So, you’ve thought this through already.”

“It may have briefly crossed my mind. I need to make sure my room and board are reliable.” She said with a flip of her hair.

Jinah turned away, wishing that Ayeon would stop overthinking and just do something, “Well, if you’re sure, I’ll tell Soya the butterfly challenge isn’t working.”

“What’s that?” An officer who had overheard asked, eyes bright and excited, “Is it a new campaign?”

Jinah made a face, “Ugh, no. Get back to work.” 

The officer deflated and shuffled away, causing Ayeon to shake her head, “Honestly, you’re a team leader.”

“And a good one, for a reason.”

Ayeon stared at the pen in her hand, “If I go check on him, it means that I care about what happens to him and I don’t.”

Jinah nodded and stared down at her feet, “I believe you, but for the sake of the argument, even if you _did_ care about him, that isn’t a bad thing. There’s nothing wrong with caring.”

Ayeon kept her eyes averted and picked up a new file, busying herself.

“Except when you start to care too much.” 

\-----

It was a week.

Every morning Ayeon would stop at Maison De Fleur and stare at the same sign and darkened interior. And each time she would become more and more unsettled by it. No one just disappears for a week with no explanation. She was already ignoring her memory lapses and hiding it from her friends, she couldn't deal with the weight of his on her mind too.

Friday had swung around when she had decided enough was enough. Her mind was plagued with horrible things having to do with the brick that was chucked through his window. She had paced around her apartment for a few hours, trying to distract herself, trying to convince herself that everything was fine and that she was just overreacting.

It didn’t work.

Somehow, she ended up in front of her shop in the middle of the evening searching for his spare key. Apparently, he had decided to take her advice because she couldn’t find it anywhere. Sighing, she got on her knees, pulled a gift card out of her wallet and fiddled with the lock until it clicked open.

She stepped in, shutting the door behind her and shivered at the eeriness of the shop when the lights, music, and owner were nowhere to be found. She moved to the back, passed freezers upon freezers of flowers, tubs of foam soaking in water, catalogs and forms scattered on every flat surface.

Pausing in front of a set of wooden stairs tucked behind a door, she gulped. They looked ominous from the base. For a second, she wondered if she really wanted to do this or if she should just turn back now, while she still had the chance.

It would be the best option, to just walk out, lock up and pretend she was never here. He left that sign up because he knew he would be gone indefinitely, he was probably fine and out of town.

None of that rationale was enough to stop her from slinking up the stairs and lingering in front of his door before finally sucking it up and knocking on it.

\-----

Even pouring tea was becoming a burden.

Jaehyun winced as he lifted the kettle and carefully poured himself a cup. Thankfully, the pain was starting to subside, it was far worse than the first few days where he couldn’t even get out of bed. Now he could move around slowly and he didn’t need as many painkillers, but the pain still rang through his body as a cruel reminder of the night behind the shop.

And it didn’t help that he was over the four-day warning they had given him.

He figured that they were willing to cut him some slack because how could he make money when his entire body was out of commission? This meant that the second the shop was open; the clock would be ticking. He didn't know how he was going to pull the money together in four days and he was toying with the idea of getting Taeyong's help but the pride in him was resisting. 

It made him sick but a part of him was glad that once he managed to pay back the last quarter he would be done. He could finally live his life without a looming fear hanging over him. He switched on his phone and was hit with a list of missed calls and texts but before he could wade through them all, a call popped up, a name he had heard but not seen in a while.

_Kim Jinah._

He pursed his lips before hitting decline, he’d deal with all the missed calls later. Triple rubbed up against him as he took a sip. “I know, buddy. It’ll be okay.”

Except when he heard a knock on his door.

The blood drained from his body as he stared at where the sound came from. To get to his front door, you needed to get into his shop and his shop had been locked and closed for an entire week. If someone were there, they would’ve had to break in.

Maybe he had spoken too soon, maybe they were here to collect the last quarter. Since he didn’t have it, that meant he was going to have to pay another way and he wasn’t sure his body could take it. He didn't remember hearing glass shattering but he hadn't been on the ball for a while now.

He grabbed his bat, hoping to provide some sort of defense, and moved to the door with measured steps. His body was thrumming in a dulled pain, but he fought through it as he peered through the peephole. The sight of someone he actually knew immediately replace any concern or surprise that filled him with relief when he swung the door open.

Ayeon’s eyes darted to the weapon in his hands as he slowly lowered it. Her face was taut with suspicion and uncertainty as he took her tense stance. The next thing he noticed was that her hair was tied up.

Was this the first time he had seen it up?

It looked nice. 

The initial relief was so strong that it took a moment for him to realize that Ayeon still somehow made it to his loft which she didn't have access to.

“How…”

“I picked the lock, it’s fine, I locked it back up and you can file a police report for breaking and entering after. I'll turn myself in.” She said briskly.

His lips quirked at her deadpanned tone and kept his eyes on her as he propped himself against the door “Noted. What brings you here, detective?”

Her eyes widened, stunned with the question. What was she doing here? What the hell did he think she was doing here?

“You were gone. It’s been a week.” She said bitterly.

He blinked at her, “I’m pretty sure I put a sign on the front saying the store was closed for a while.”

“Yeah but…” Her mouth moved but words didn’t come out as she struggled to find something to say, a legitimate excuse that didn’t make it sound like she cared about him. Like she wasn’t worried about him.

But all she could come up with was, “You weren’t picking up my calls.”

“I turned my phone off, I need to rest.” The entire conversation was so bizarre to him. It didn’t feel like it had been only a week since he last saw her, it felt like eons ago.

“Why?” She fired back, “Are you hurt? Was it those vandals?”

He said nothing, but the silence didn’t help her decide if he was or not. He seemed fine, but he was also wearing long pants and long sleeves. He stared at her, long and intrusively and just as she was about to turn and walk away at the feeling of being unwelcomed, he finally spoke up, “Would you like to come in?”

She hid her gulp and just narrowed her eyes at him which he took unflinchingly, “I figured if an intruder made the effort to break into my store but knock on my flat’s door, the least I can do is make tea.”

“I don’t-“

He held his door open further open, “Come in, Triple misses you.”

As if on cue, the cat padded over, at the sight of Ayeon, he mewled and leaped over her feet, “See? He loves you, detective.”

She stepped in with the same cautionary tension, “I truly don’t know what I expected.” She muttered as she scanned the interior of the Jaehyun’s flat. Flowers hung from any spot that would carry their weight. Some coiled around beams with others hung from baskets and of course, a few posed glamorously in vases.

“A florist with no flowers?” He said with a smile as he walked to the kitchen.

She shrugged, “I figured once you see how the sausage is made…”

His smile never faltered as he made up another cup of tea, “Flowers smell far better in my defense.”

His mind started catching up with the situation once he had a moment. She was there because he was MIA for 7 days, she hadn't heard from him, she had thought he was injured, and she had broken into his shop to get to his apartment to make sure he was okay. He stilled as the kettle clicked off.

She cared.

She cared about him and to some extent, she was worried about him. He turned and looked at her, she was walking around his living room, inspecting every inch of it as if the walls whispered secrets if she listened hard enough. When was the last time a person cared so much that they went to such lengths to make sure he was okay? To make sure he was even alive? And he hadn’t even known her for long.

“Detective?”

She looked over, her hands tucked into her jacket. She nodded, and a silence hung over the two of them as he mulled over the right words that wouldn’t make someone like her uncomfortable. “Thank you.”

She paused, her lips parted in subdued shock. She moved to him, taking the cup of tea from his hands and setting it down, “You didn’t answer my question.”

He watched her fingers trace the lip of the cup, “Which question?”

“Are you hurt?”

His eyes flitted up to hers, clashing together, “I get hurt often, detective.”

The way surprise bloomed over her face, led him to believe that this wasn’t the answer she expected from anyone. “But I’ll be okay, detective. Time heals all wounds. I just needed to rest, a break is always nice.”

She looked down at the tea, “What kind is it this time?”

“Matcha. You don’t have to change the subject, detective. I can talk about my feelings all day if someone lets me.” He said with a dismissive laugh.

She frowned, “But you won’t talk about what sent you away for 7 days.”

“It’s nothing a detective could help me with.” He said knowingly.

She didn’t look pleased, “Then don’t treat me like a detective.”

“Then how should I treat you? Like a friend?” He said challengingly.

She paused for a beat and he caught it, “If that makes you more comfortable.”

“What if I want to do what makes _you_ comfortable?” He fired back.

She fumbled with that answer. Why on earth would he want to do that? There was only one feasible reply. _Butterfly challenge._

“You’d talk about your feelings all day.” She said, her eyes softening.

“That would make you comfortable?” He asked dubiously.

She pushed out what she hoped was a smile, she was never good with emotion, “Yeah, it would.”

"In that case, cliff notes version: I feel tired, scared, worn out, anxious and overwhelmed." He listed off. 

It was hard hearing him say that, she didn't know what he was going through but for someone who was alone, it made her sad. A niggling feeling made her question whether this was how Jinah and Soya felt around her, except Ayeon wasn't this open about her feelings. "I'm sorry, you must be going through a lot on your own. What can I do to help?"

"Nothing, detective." He said with a sad smile. 

She took a deep breath, "I'm not good with emotion, I could never do what you just did that easy. I don't know what you need right now, but if you tell me, I can try to give it to you so you feel less of those things." 

She was making it quite hard to breathe but he could chalk that up to the damage done to his ribs, “Let’s compromise. Round 2 of two truths and a lie.”

“You first.” She lifted her teacup and took a sip.

He leaned against the counter, “One, I’m in so much pain I can’t taste the tea. Two, I really want to find a tea that you’d actually like. Three, I’m a natural brunette.”

Her face stiffened, and she set the cup down before moving around to his side with the efficiency that he had grown to treat as her brand. She cupped his face, tilting his face to different angles, inspect his eyes. She held her phone up, using the flashlight to shine directly into his eyes, making him wince. “You’re not concussed.”

Her fingers were gentle.

That was the first thing that sunk in. She had a firm grip on his face, but her fingers were gentle. And she smelled nice, not overpowering, not too subtle, she smelled clean and fresh. It was nice and that meant a lot coming from a florist.

He blinked.

He must still be hopped up on painkillers.

Her eyes trailed down his body, he could tell she was trying to figure out how much damage he was hiding. He reached up and took her hand, giving it a squeeze, “I’ll live, detective.”

Jaehyun realized that he may have chosen the wrong words for a detective that had just lost a colleague. He pulled her hand away but kept it tucked in his, while his thumb worked soothing circles in the junction between her thumb and index finger. “I have no plans of going anywhere.”

“Not that I care.” She said firmly.

His lips tipped upwards, “Not that you care.”

She nodded briskly but just stayed in her spot, letting a calmness wash over the two of them.

“I’ll probably open up again tomorrow.” He mumbled.

She nodded and looked down at their hands, her eyebrows knit together as she slowly pulled it away, letting their fingers linger before dropping them completely. His body felt warm, like he was thrumming in her presence.

“Your turn.”

She narrowed her eyes, trying to figure our what he was talking about before her face relaxed, “One, I care about you. Two, I’m restless at work. Three, you’ll never find a tea that I’ll like.”

“I don’t think we’re very good at this game, detective.”

She lifted the cup to her lips, her eyes curving behind the rim, “I disagree. It’s not about the lies you tell but about the truths you choose to reveal. In which case, I think we’re very good at this game.”


	7. asters

Jaehyun’s day had started and ended with Ayeon and he didn’t hate it.

She had hung around long enough for her to drop the subject of his 7-day vanishing act and move onto things that normal people talk about. She was nothing he had ever expected, and she was constantly breaking him down and making him warm up to her. He hadn’t warmed up to someone like that in a long time.

She was funny in a deadpanned way, she liked art, was ride or die for coffee, adored pop music, and always knew she wanted to be a cop. The last bit surprised him more than the pop music, but he bit his tongue.

The issue with having her in his place with nothing to distract him is that he began paying a lot of attention to her and the little things she does. He watched the way her hair shifted, her body moved when she walked around, the way her lips curved and shaped words. He noticed the way she’d fall silent for sometimes 10 seconds straight or how she’d always look at Triple like she didn’t understand what kind of animal he was but the second he purred, she’d let him walk over her or curl up in her lap. Her eyes were careful especially when she’d watch him move. And her voice.

Good lord that voice was driving him insane.

It was throaty but high, it was smoke and…daisies.

It diverted his attention.

When she left, the silence was deafening, and she wasn’t even largely outspoken, yet his loft was still missing her ring, but what stood out the most was that his house smelled different. It smelled like her, despite every inch covered in fragrant flowers.

Ayeon was an anomaly to him. She was someone whom he knew he should keep at an arm’s length but whenever she was around him, his mouth would only form words intended to keep her near. Against all assumptions, she was genuine, warm with a penchant to overthink. He was becoming fond of her; her company was one of a kind. No one spoke to him the way she did, no one was so perceptive of his emotions.

She made him feel cared for.

He went down the stairs, the next morning, his body finally feeling back to the way it was before he assaulted and flicked on the kettle. Triple followed behind him as he filled his bowl and he walked out to the front to open up and saw Ayeon waiting outside.

She was an anomaly indeed.

\-----

She was a woman with a mission.

Mina had stood in front of the precinct, pumping herself up. Her editor was breathing down her neck and these police officers are probably using her face for shooting practice with how much they must hate her now.

She had to change her approach.

She had to be more aggressive.

Mina dusted her jacket and held her head high before storming into the precinct, right past the front desk and into the offices where people were rushing around. Her eyes zeroed in on the woman she had to deal with before, the team lead, Kim Jinah. That woman was like a stone wall.

She frowned when Ayeon was nowhere in sight. Why was she never in the office? What was she hiding?

“You.” Jinah’s face was hardened when Mina approached, “I told you, you can’t be here if you’re going to harass my officers. You need to leave.”

Mina rolled her shoulders back, “I’m a private citizen, I’m allowed to be here.”

“Not if you don’t have a statement to give or a crime to report.” Jinah muttered.

She smiled, hoping it didn’t show her nerves, “I do have a crime to report.”

“I swear to god, if you say Officer Hu-“

“Officer Huang’s death.” She finished with a smug look.

Jinah pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to relieve the pressure building, “Look, whatever crackpot theories you have, fine, you can have them, but you won’t find your answers here.”

“Just one thing on the record.” She pleaded while holding out a recorder.

Jinah stared at the device, letting a moment pass when she caught Soya walking past, “Lucas was family. We loved him. This loss is one we’ve never experienced before, and it looms over us like a dark cloud. We’re trying to make sense of it and find closure and you’re not letting us. This “interview” is over, and I’ve said it before, but you’re not welcome here anymore.”

Jinah nodded and something over her shoulder and Mina turned to see two officers in uniform walk towards her with every intention to throw her out and plaster her face around the office so she would never be able to step foot in.

Mina looked around in a panic when her eyes landed on an empty desk, she gave Jinah a smirk and before she could retaliate, grabbed a pair of handcuffs and locked herself to a desk. She looked at Jinah before slowly lowering herself to a chair.

“You’re _fucking_ kidding me.” Jinah hissed.

Mina smiled slowly, “Looks like I’m not going anywhere, Detective Kim.”

Jinah picked up her phone, shooting Mina a dirty look, before dialing Ayeon’s number.

\-----

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asked as he walked to the back. He had overheard the end of a verse tense phone call and the current state of Ayeon’s face backed up his assumptions

Ayeon rubbed her temples, counting silently to 10, “That girl who came into your shop earlier, with the red hair? She’s essentially camping out of the precinct until I show up. She probably thinks it’s some sort of conspiracy that I’m not at work.”

Triple, who had been curled up on Ayeon’s reluctant lap, eyed the two of them in annoyance as they interrupted his nap.

“Do you honestly believe that she knows something?” Jaehyun said slowly.

She scowled and shot him a scathing look, “What?”

“It’s just that, why would any reporter good or bad, try to question something as sensitive as a police officer’s death without anything backing up their suspicions? There must be some reason why she doesn’t think it happened the way you think.”

Ayeon snapped, “I was there, you know. I watched him die. Die. I watched someone I know be killed and I probably could’ve prevented it. Have you ever watched someone die? Watch the literal life leave their body and then cease to exist? Huh? Do you know what it’s like knowing that you are the last thing someone saw before they died?”

“No, I don’t.” He said softly as he leaned against the wall, taking her anger.

She felt her body tremble and fought to keep her emotions in check, “Then you don’t have the right to pose hypotheticals. I was there. I know better about what happened then some girl sitting behind her laptop trying to get some recognition.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right.” He said gently, his tone remaining calm.

The anger immediately drained from her body and was replaced with exhaustion. She held her head in her hands and just wanted to crawl in bed and sleep for days.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He said softly.

She shook her head, “No. I’m sorry for being so short with you. I’m fine, just tired.”

“Did you know, that the word “fine” is the most misappropriated word in the dictionary?”

She lifted her head and gaped at him, “That’s not a real fact.”

“Do you want to talk about it, detective?” He asked again with an understanding smile.

She just stared at him, the balanced smile, the calming presence, the barrier he had broken when he took her hand yesterday, the way that he spoke to her like she could trust him with her life and keep her secrets buried under his tongue. Nothing shook him. He stood, patiently, waiting for her move.

“His name was Lucas.” She said quietly. “He was a year younger than me and when he wasn’t charming the pants off of everyone at the precinct, he was flirting with me like it was his birthright.”

Jaehyun let out a breath, “He liked you?”

She paused, her expression souring before she nodded, “Yeah, something like that. I turned him down each time, but it never deterred him. The only reason I didn’t lock him in a cell was because he was always so damn nice about it. He was never bitter about the rejection. He was a pleasant and I felt bad. He wasn’t supposed to be there that night; my partner was on leave and I could’ve gone with anyone else, but he volunteered himself.”

“And you feel guilty.”

She gulped before fisting her hands tightly in her lap, “He wouldn’t have died if he didn’t like me so much because he wouldn’t have come along with me. He wouldn’t have been dragged in without backup.”

“But then you would’ve died instead.” He stated simply.

Her nails dug crescent moons into her palms, “I’d take that over being responsible for someone else’s death. Liking someone, caring about someone, that’s what happens to you.”

He gave her a look, “True, you risk immense pain, you risk having someone making sacrifices, but Lucas was an adult, he’s responsible for his own feelings and actions. That shouldn’t be on you. But when there’s something mutual, the risks and sacrifices come from a really genuine place.”

“It’s hard to explain. All that emotion, it’s a tricky thing for me.” She said while rubbing her forehead. 

He figured as much with her, “I understand, so everything aside, Lucas was a good cop?”

“Yeah.” She met his eyes.

“So, he’s smart enough to know the risks, to understand what a case like that would entail, how to handle a dangerous situation. If he knew all of that and still got hurt, it’s neither of your faults. Why not place more blame on the person who actually killed him.” He worded out carefully.

Her lips drew low, “Because I can’t work the case to find the man who did this, so blaming me is easier.”

“I might be overstepping, but I think even if you were working the case, you’d still take on the blame. You’re not doing this out of convenience, you’re doing this because you genuinely believe you’re more to blame than the guy who killed him.”

Her eyes were wide, “You—” 

“It’s cause I’ve been there. I’ve done the exact same thing, my head’s been in the same dark holes. Except you have to deal with the guilt of him having feelings for you but all I can say is that the onus isn’t on you to respond to his one-sided feelings.”

She let his gaze sink into hers, the emotions were bubbling up and she tried fighting it with everything that she was taught to use. But it didn’t work, “You know, if that girl, _hypothetically,_ was right. That means I missed something. That means I must’ve done something wrong. That means, more than ever, I was responsible for his death. That means I’m a bad cop.”

“Or.” He said as he walked towards her, propping himself against the rickety table, “Or, the two of you were just unlucky. That’s it. Nothing you could’ve done differently. Just shit luck.”

“Loss is complicated.” She whispered as she stared up at him.

He grinned and nodded, “Isn’t it?”

“What about you?”

He raised his brows, “We’re sharing traumatic experiences with death, now?”

“Yes.”

He laughed in disbelief, “Fine. When my sister died, every newspaper covered it. My parents gave reporters every picture of her they could find, and I guess it was because they wanted everyone to know her face, but I didn’t like it. I felt like they were giving away my sister to people who didn’t know her. I was her brother and I hated that there wasn’t a single picture of hers that the world hadn’t already seen.” 

Ayeon heart was beating as she kept her gaze steady, this was far more than she thought he’d share but she didn’t want him to stop. She wanted to latch onto every single thing he said. She wanted to learn from him.

Jaehyun wasn’t entirely sure where this strength to overshare came from. He was usually open with his emotions and speaking to people was easy but sharing his sister was hard. He kept her close to his heart and reliving the past meant reliving some of his darkest times. But he didn’t feel like his teeth were being pulled out when he was Ayeon and he was confident that it had a lot to do with the fact that she was someone who hid the pain of her past as well.

Pain recognizes pain.

“Then, in the middle of the night, I was laying in bed and it hit me, there was this polaroid picture she had taken with my camera a couple of years ago. I was so mad at her at the time because I was sure she was going to break it, but she loved how she looked in it. I didn’t remember seeing it on the news or anywhere else, I had to find it. It was close to midnight and I jumped out of bed and scoured her room for that polaroid. I hadn’t stepped inside her room until then. I _had_ to find it. I thought that it would somehow make me miss her less, make the pain easier to bear if I just found that one picture. I didn’t end up finding it, but I learned that it wouldn’t have helped even if I did. I would’ve hurt even more. I had to learn to move on all by myself. I had to force myself to.” He said softly.

“How?” She asked incredulously, “How the hell do you learn to move on?”

He laughed, “I have no clue how I did it. I just let myself feel like crap and came to terms with whatever I was feeling. Would just go through the motions and eventually I could wake up in the morning, laugh, smile and feel good without feeling like I was betraying her.”

“How do your parents deal with it?”

He shook his head, “They don’t. They’re both in homes right now, they don’t keep in touch with me, I think I’m a reminder of my sister.”

She watched him carefully, citing the sadness in his eyes, “Is it lonely?”

“It is.” He said, matching her tone, “But I find ways to make my own family. I appreciate the people who care about me, who look out for my interests.”

He scanned her face before stepping closer, “I don’t know how to translate this to fit your situation but you’re going to have to eventually move forward and absolve yourself of whatever guilt you’re holding onto. You won’t get to talk to him and get closure so stop torturing yourself. You’re not responsible for someone’s puppy dog crush on you.”

The strangest sensation exploded through her. She wanted to touch him so badly, she wanted him to take her hand like he did yesterday. He was so sturdy and calming when he spoke to her, she actually believed whatever he was saying. She wanted a hug, she thought. A long, warm, reassuring hug telling her that she would end up like him, that she would be okay, but in the same breath, she didn’t want the suffocation.

As if reading her apprehension, all he did was reach out and brush her hair out of her face, “You’re made of something strong, detective. You’ll overcome this.”

\------

“You’re on call.”

Ayeon frowned at her computer as she balanced her phone on her shoulder, “What? Where? Why didn’t Jinah call?”

“She had to run and told me to call you.” She couldn’t remember which officer was on the phone with her now but that was enough for her to be annoyed.

Ayeon’s frown grew, “Okay, brief me.”

“On 5th, the owner called about one of their employee vehicles going missing.”

Ayeon pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed at the sound of Jaehyun’s nearing footsteps, “Okay, send me the location, I’ll head out there.”

She hung up and stood, gathering her belongings, “Heading out?”

She nodded without looking at him, “A call came in, honestly, if I don’t take this, it might be harder to convince everyone that I’m actually of use in bigger cases.”

“Will you be okay? On your own?” He was sounding more and more like someone who cared as well.

She smiled to herself before schooling her expression into a blank look and turned, “Why? Do you want to tag along?”

“I imagine I’d be a handy cop.”

Her lips quirked, and she walked by him, “Don’t wait up.”

\-----

Ayeon pulled up to the small bank and surveyed the area. The parking lot was silent and all of the blinds on the building were drawn. She hated that this was where her career landed her now, first petty vandalism and now someone’s missing car. She strolled up to the door, humming the song that Jaehyun had had last played.

She walked in and looked around before frowning, it was empty, not a single customer, no security guard, and only one teller. When the door beeped, the teller looked up at her, eyes wide before they darted around.

“Hi.”

He looked at her bizarrely, “How can I help you?”

“I got a call about a missing car?”

She saw his body go rigid as he looked around, “Are you a cop?” He whispered.

Ayeon blinked at him, “Yeah, didn’t you call?”

“Yes but—”

A sound in the back made him freeze before someone called his name, “Are you done with the customer? Hurry.”

His hands were shaking as he pulled out bank receipt and quickly scribbled something on it. He hit a few buttons, mimicking the sound of the machine before handing her a stack of blank papers with the folded note on top. “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Ayeon watched the entire exchange, dumbfounded, accepting the papers, “Sir, ar—”

“Have a nice day, ma’am!” He repeated louder.

She gave him an absurd look before turning away, she pulled the note out before she reached the door and flipped it open.

Her eyes widened, and her pulse picked up as her eyes traced the words.

_ROBBERY. 5 HOSTAGES. SEND HELP._

Her blood ran cold when a gun cocked behind her head. She turned around, facing the barrel of a gun and a man with a ski mask over his face, “He shouldn’t have given you that note.”


	8. verbenas

Most people would lose their minds.

Their knees would buckle, their heart would drop, fear and panic would flush straight through their veins. They wouldn’t take a deep breath; their heart rate wouldn’t settle into a normal rhythm and they most certainly wouldn’t speak with a voice so calm and reassuring that one would think they were simply ordering dinner.

But then again, not everyone was Yoo Ayeon.

“You don’t want to do this.” 

His voice was rough and aged, “Shut up. Hand over your gun and phone.” He cocked his own, “Now.”

Ayeon weighed her chances before cautiously reaching for her gun and phone and handing them over to him. “You don’t know the hell you’ve unleashed by taking a detective hostage.”

“Should I be scared of a detective that was sent to a hostage alone?”

That stung.

He grabbed her arm and yanked her to a room to the side where 5 other staff members were zip tied on the ground. Their eyes widened when she was marched in and shoved to the ground next to them. He threw the zip ties at the teller, the only one with free hands.

“Tie her up. And I’m not going to forget about the note Chan.”

The second he walked out of the room, tension snapped, “I can’t believe this. A cop. He took a cop hostage. He’s insane.” One of the women cried.

Chan’s hands shook as he tied her hands and ankles together before moving back to his spot and hugging his knees.

“We need to stay calm.” Ayeon said while adjusting to the zip ties.

One of the other tellers, hair slicked back so tight with gel that it could double as a helmet, “Calm?! He took a police officer hostage. How the fuck do we stay calm? And by the way, I heard what he said to you and for a psychopath, he’s right. What the fuck kind of cop comes to a hostage scene _alone_?”

Her jaw tightened, and it took every muscle in her body to not snap back with an _I don’t know, ask the assholes who sent me here on a missing car case._ Instead, she let out a breath and let her gaze lay a comforting blanket over everyone, “The precinct knows that this is a hostage and robbery, they will send in hoards of officers, you are all going to be fine. We just need to stay calm and make sure we do nothing to tick him off until they take him out. Is there anything you guys can tell me? How did this happen?”

No matter how much people at the precinct hated her, they wouldn’t risk the lives of civilians, she had to believe a real negotiation-hostage team was on their way.

A Younger Woman spoke up, her voice shaking as tears spilled down her cheeks, “He came in early but after the morning rush. Only the staff was in, the security guard had left but the guy who takes his shift over was late, he was always late and takes the looooongest breaks. So, this guy comes in with the mask on and pulls out the gun. He told us to step away from the counter and to not press the panic button, but I already did. Then he locked us up in here, every time someone tried to come in, he sent Chan to the front to act like everything was fine.”

Ayeon frowned, “I walked in easily. He didn’t lock the doors?”

“No.” An older man said quietly, he looked dazed as he leaned against the wall, “It was like he was so confident about it all.”

Ayeon turned to look at him, “You’re the manager?”

“I am. Usually, there are two of us, but Wednesdays are usually pretty slow so it’s just me.”

“How much money did he take out?” She asked.

The manager shook his head, “I don’t know. He herded us into this room and then left.”

“Wait, so he accessed the money on his own? Without any of your help?” She asked incredulously.

The Manager’s eyes widened, as if the realization just hit him, “Yeah. He just went back there.”

“Actually,” the Younger Woman started, “we have no way to know how much money he took. Or if he took any at all. He didn't speak to any of us other than to tell us to be quiet and not move.”

Ayeon’s mind was racing, “Okay, assuming he was here for the money, what would he need to do to gain access to it?”

“Well, if he wanted the vault, first he’d need a key card, then he’d need to enter an 8-digit number password. Then he’d have access to ten thousand dollars, anything more would require a thumbprint, a phone call to head offices and a sign-off. That part takes 48 hours and needs to be verified by both managers.” The Manager said.

Helmet Head gave her a look, “It’s obvious he didn’t take the money, no one plans a robbery without knowing how to get the money. That must mean he’s here for something else.”

“Oh wow, Sherlock. You’re really cracking this case wide open, huh?” The Older Woman hissed, “Who cares what he’s here for? I want to leave!”

Ayeon hummed and nodded, “Hey, I know you’re scared. This is a frightening situation. We just need to give it a little more time for the rest of the authorities to get here. In the meantime, is everyone holding up okay? Anyone injured?”

“We’re fine.” The Younger Woman said gently. “We’re just scared.”

“Not _we_. You’re scared.” Helmet Head muttered.

Ayeon resisted the urge to roll her eyes, “How long have you been here?”

“About 4 hours.”

An idea hit her, “And probably hungry.”

The Older Woman groaned with tears still running down her face, “I’m on a diet.”

“Oh my god, you’re an idiot.” Helmet Head muttered. “She’s trying to get the police to send someone in dressed as a delivery guy.”

Ayeon craned her neck, trying to get a look outside the door, “We need to wait for the cops to show. Once they do, we need to get a message back to them, so they know what situation they’re dealing with.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Ayeon felt an inch of relief before looking at the group of people. “There’s just one thing that you need to remember.”

“Keep calm?” Helmet Head asked sarcastically.

“No.”

Ayeon turned to stare directly at him, “Don’t try to be a hero.”

\-----

“Where the hell is Ayeon?” Jinah muttered as she stared at her phone. She had sent a text, asking her to come in for a second to go over some documents. She was right across the street, it shouldn’t take her this long to come over.

She knew that sending her off-site was good for Ayeon, but it was torture for her. Ayeon and Soya were the only people in this damned office that kept her sane and with Soya in court all week and Ayeon too far away, she had to deal with her dumb officers who kept sparing odd glances at her. Not to mention that parasite of a reporter who she had to drag, chair and all, to an interrogation room where she couldn’t try to suck information out of the precinct.

Sometimes, she thought about transferring to a precinct she actually liked. 

“Detective, we’re here for the debrief.”

Jinah turned and stared at the two men in front of her, “Doyoung? Taeil? What the hell are you doing here from Neg?”

“We’re here to discuss the call that came in here about the hostage situation on Korea Bank on 5th.” Taeil said.

She narrowed her eyes, “Why would our precinct have anything to do with a hostage situation on 5th?”

“Your offices took the call. A detective from here was first on the scene. We have a team already sent on ground level. We’re about to head down ourselves but we wanted clarification on the status of your officer.” Doyoung said while handing her a dossier.

Jinah was incredulous, “My officer? I didn’t send anyone down.”

Taeil blinked at her before frowning. He opened his filed and pulled out a piece of paper, “This is a transcript from a connecting call to this precinct.”

Jinah’s eyes ran down the print, the sinking feeling growing heavier down her gut.

_Copy that. We’ll be sending an officer now._

_10-4. Can I get the officer’s name?_

_Yoo Ayeon._

“I didn’t make this assignment.” Jinah breathed out.

Doyoung tensed, “She was sent by a reporting officer?”

“I can’t believe this.” Suddenly everyone’s cursory glances made sense. “Someone sent her straight into a hostage situation.”

Taeil was stunned, “Was she at least briefed?”

“She’s working off-site. Chances are low.”

“Who’s her partner?” Doyoung fired back.

Jinah squeezed her eyes shut, “She doesn’t have one. Her last was on maternity leave and…she doesn’t do well with temporary ones.”

“Jinah.” Doyoung was the most by-the-book cop she had ever known, so, using her first name while at work meant that things were _bad._ “We need to get down there. Now.”

\-----

They could hear the masked man cursing in the other room, most likely as a result from the hoards of police cars that had just pulled up.

“This is good, right?” Chan asked.

Ayeon nodded, “Yeah, although it doesn’t seem like he’s answering any negotiation calls, he must know how to get out of this that he didn’t need whatever the police would offer him.”

Helmet Head gave her a look, “So, this isn’t good.”

Before she could answer, the masked man stormed back to the room, his gun swinging around. “The cops are here! I thought I told you not to press the button!”

He pointed his gun at the Young Woman who screamed and turned her face away. Ayeon raised her voice, “It was me! What? Did you think the cops weren’t going to follow up on the disappearance of a fellow officer?”

He started pacing, “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

“Do you have demands?”

He looked over at Ayeon and through the holes in his mask, she could make out the confusion in his eyes, “What?”

“Demands? Like a getaway car? Or immunity? Or a private jet to a country with no extradition laws? You know, demands?”

He stared at her as if he thought she was making this up. She continued, “The police will be setting up a call to try to negotiate with you. If you need to buy time, make demands.”

“Preferably some food. We’re freaking starving.” Helmet Head muttered.

Ayeon cut him a glare but before she could defuse the situation, the masked man grabbed her by the arm and dragged her out of the room. He pushed her down in a chair next to the counter and slammed down the landline phone. “You’re going to do the talking.”

“What?” She balked, he couldn’t be dumb enough to let a cop strategize with other cops.

“When they call, you tell them what I tell you to say. They’ll listen to you since apparently, they care so much about the _disappearance of a fellow officer.”_

\-----

Jaehyun was humming, a signature that he was in a good mood, something about Ayeon always left him in a good mood. There was something rich in every conversation he had with her. She was intense, he found. He was used to Taeyong who laughed, drank and was merry. Taeyong who pried softly and cautiously. He was used to parents that weren’t a part of his life. He was used to calls and texts from Jinah that went unanswered.

He wasn’t used to a woman who layered every word with a dark cloud and shared her smiles for the rare moments where she couldn’t control her emotions.

It was refreshing. He hadn’t even realized that he needed to be refreshed. It was like he was cocooned in a space made of petals that ensured that he would never have to scratch at scabs that he thought had healed. He was slowly learning that every now and then, it was good to check on old wounds to make sure it wasn’t getting infected.

Triple mewled, clearly unhappy that his supply of cat treats was nowhere to be found. He had tried finding anything close at the shops, but nothing made Triple roll over in delight.

He smiled to himself, shaking his head in amazement. A cop, for god’s sake, he would have never expected that a cop would be sitting in his shop every day, feeding his cat, swapping trauma stories and rejecting every offer of tea.

It was hard, he had to admit, to come to terms with her presence in his life and the conflict of letting her presence stay.

But he didn’t like to dwell.

He glanced over at the tv, he typically left it on mute with the subtitles on, he liked music over hearing about the current state of affairs.

But it was different this time.

He did a double take before stepping towards the tv, unmuting it. He stared at the picture that he knew like the back of his hand after all the time he spent memorizing it when it was in the paper.

_Police officer taken hostage with other bank employees on 5 th_

No. No. No. No.

He felt his stomach drop and utter dread flood his system when he stared at the picture of Ayeon in her uniform with that same disarming look in her eyes. The reporter was standing in front of the bank and she was reporting on vague details about how she responded to a call before being taken hostage. He tried to focus on the facts, but the reporter began interviewing the negotiator and he started to tune out.

Ayeon was out there. In that bank, held hostage most likely without her gun or phone. Something could happen to her, _anything_ could happen to her. He felt his breakfast lurch up his throat when something caught his eye. He stepped to his window and watched as officers from the precinct ran out to their cars. He watched Jinah run but she stopped in front of his store and met his eye. She held up her phone before running off. A second later, his phone chimed with the address of the bank.

He didn’t need to go, there were professionals attending the scene and there was nothing he could do except stand there and worry. This was her job, one she seemed good at, he had nothing to be concerned over. She was very capable.

But then he thought of how the last thing he’d ever hear from her was _Don’t wait up_ and how he’d never get to play another game of 2 truths and a lie. And he’d never get a full laugh out of her.

And he couldn’t live with that.

\-----

When the phone rang, Ayeon nearly screamed in joy. Her hand shot to the phone but the sound of a gun cocking made her freeze in her spot.

“Don’t try anything smart. Don’t think your badge will scare me from pulling the trigger.”

She grit her teeth and sent him a terse nod but picking up the phone. “Hello?”

A click, most likely the recording beginning, and then Jinah’s voice crackled through, “Ayeon? Is that you? What’s going on?”

She glanced at the masked man, “He has demands.”

The beat of silence revealed what Ayeon could assume was Jinah holding back from asking how she was holding up and if she was okay. They didn’t have the time, “We want to speak to him.”

“Unfortunately, he wants me to do the talking.”

“Son of a fucking bitch. Can you tell me how many hostages? Is anyone injured?”

“I—”

“Watch it.” He hissed. “Tell them I want that thing, immunization or whatever.”

“Immunity.” She muttered into the phone, “He wants immunity.”

Jinah sighed, “And?”

Ayeon looked at the masked man who paused to think, “A private jet. I want the cops to back away and put their weapons down. Snipers too.”

She relayed the message to Jinah would just cussed at each demand, “Does he want the fucking president to pardon him too?”

“Food.” Ayeon blurted while cutting a glance at the masked man who didn’t protest, “The people in here haven’t eaten all day. They’re hungry.”

Jinah hummed, “We can do that. Can he hear us?”

“No.”

“We’ll send someone in to assess the interior situation since you can’t exactly pass things on verbally.”

“I want pizza.” He called out.

Ayeon winced and repeated it to Jinah who sighed, “Fine. We’ll get it. We need to de-escalate the situation. How are we supposed to talk him down and get him to release people if he’s talking through you?”

Ayeon kept her eyes trained on the masked man, “Is there anything else?”

“No. Hang up.”

Ayeon kept her gaze steady, “They have demands too.”

“Ayeon?” Jinah questioned but she ignored her.

“They want to see the hostages, line them up by the window.”

His eyes narrowed but he grunted, “Fine. Now hang up.”

“Bye Jinah.” She muttered before setting the phone down, leaving it slightly off-hook.

They were all placed against the window, their backs facing the hoards of police officers and spectators that had gathered around. She had refused to meet Jinah’s eyes when she glanced out the window, she couldn’t stomach seeing the fear in her eyes.

She grunted when a phone was chucked at her lap, she looked up and saw the masked man staring at her, “Call them, tell them that I’m not letting anyone into the bank and to leave the pizza outside.” He pointed his gun at Chan, “Channy over here, will go and pick it up.”

\-------

The pizza was done, the masked man had left to relieve himself, so she had to move fast. She was the only one with her hands free, she ran to the counter, grabbing a permanent marker before grabbing the empty pizza box when she paused. She pointed to the room tucked in the back.

The Manager whispered, “That’s where the vault is.”

She walked over to hostages and frowned, “The money is untouched. Why?”

“The physical cash? That doesn’t make sense.” The Manager mumbled quietly to himself.

Helmet Head spoke up, “The weird thing is, the only other way for him to get anything else would be if he wanted to steal more than 10k, he could move that electronically but we already told you how hard it is to do that without authorization and he hasn’t used any of us for that.”

It didn’t make sense. You have ten thousand dollars in cash sitting in front of you and instead of taking what you can and leave before the cops get here, you aim for something more complex to steal and takes more time.

She uncapped the marker and hesitated for a second.

“What are you going to write?” The Younger Woman whispered.

Ayeon chewed her lip, thinking of anything of importance to pass on. Anything useful they already knew now that they were in open view, but she pieced together the scraps that she knew and tried to come up with something new. Something they could give them a new avenue of thought. Thinking quickly, she scribbled one word on the box and propped it against the window. At the sound of footsteps, she pressed her back to the box and whipped the pen away.

His footsteps slowed as he surveyed the scene before him. His eyes landed on Ayeon, before he looked at her back. “What the hell is that?”

“Just the pizza box. My back hurts.”

It wasn’t good enough for him, because he pushed her aside and pulled the box out and stared at her bold writing before looking out at all of the officers. He screamed in rage and threw it aside.

“What the fuck did you do!? You bitch, you think you can fuck around with me? I’ll show you.”

He moved fast, pointing his gun straight at the Younger Woman, tightening over the trigger, but apparently, Helmet Head had a better idea.

“Not today, dirtbag!” He ran at the man, tackling him to the ground.

So much for not trying to be a hero.

The masked man groaned but shoved Helmet Head aside before punching him so hard that he fell over, passed out unconscious. “You’re going to pay for this. Time to send a message.”

He fired at the ceiling, making them all scream before grinning, “Just want to make sure it worked.” He pointed it at the Older Woman who screamed while sobbing.

Ayeon felt her gut drop, it was different from the other times he pointed his gun. His eyes were frantic, his grip was shaking, he was losing his cool which meant his trigger finger was a lot more sensitive. She stared at the barrel pointed at the Older Woman and felt herself being transported to two months ago.

She felt her staring at Lucas’s body with a gunshot wound to the back of his head. The sound of the bullet firing rang in her eyes and felt her vision tunnel. Lucas didn’t scream which meant the bullet must’ve hit him fast, he didn’t know it was coming.

Was he in pain?

Was he scared?

Did he want to scream?

He cocked the gun, the Older Woman screamed again and Ayeon watched, horrified, as the woman’s hand instinctively draped over her stomach.

She was pregnant. 

There was a child there, a child that had no idea of a better world, of a chance to be coddled with unconditional love and protection.

“Wait!” Ayeon yelled, distracting him. “Me. Take me. They won’t feel the pressure with a civilian, but with an officer, they’ll damn near do whatever you say. Let her go. Let them all go but keep me. I’m enough.”

He swung his gun and pointed it at her, “If you’re going to take her spot, then you’re asking for a death wish.”

“And then what? Do you think you’ll walk out of this bank alive if you shoot me? They’ll charge in here and shoot you on sight, they won’t hold back. You want to get out of here alive and with all your money? Take me hostage and let the rest go, as a sign of good faith. They’ll respect that.”

\-----

Ayeon watched as the Older Woman, Younger Woman, Chan, and the Manager ran towards the police with their hands up.

Helmet Head, still passed out and now tied to a chair in the back room, was left with Ayeon, also bound at the wrists, and the masked man. She watched the robber pace back and forth, “What do you want? Money? There’s 10k sitting in the room next door. What are you trying to do?”

“Shut up!”

She shook her head, “I’m the only one who can help you. I don’t want to be a hero, frankly, I’m not cut out to be one. I’m not like Helmet Head over there, I just want to get out of here alive.”

“Helmet Head?”

She shrugged, “I didn’t know anyone’s name except Chan’s, I had to keep track of them somehow. I got creative. Sue me.”

"What's my nickname?"

"Masked Man. Okay, so I'm not the most creative at it." 

He stared at her for a moment before continuing to pace. She had to bide her time, she didn’t know what they were doing out there, but time was always helpful. She eyed the phone, she had forgotten it was still off the hook. “How much money do you want?”

“Twenty-five thousand.” He barked.

She narrowed her eyes, “That’s a lot. How are you going to get it?”

“I have my ways.”

"Very mysterious." She slowly rotated her wrists, loosening the rope, thank god he ran out of zip ties. “Why this bank?

“My retirement fund is here.” He sniped sarcastically.

She wondered if there was any truth in that. Maybe he did have an account here, she hoped Jinah was doing something about it.

“What are you going to do with the money? Buy a boat? Travel the world?”

“Shut up!” He yelled.

She stiffened when his eyes swept over the room and landed on the phone. “What the hell?”

He stormed up to the phone and held it to his ear. He growled and slammed the phone into the receiver repeatedly before throwing the entire machine onto the floor. “That’s it. I’m done. You’ve been playing me this entire time and I’ve had enough. You've had enough freebies.”

"Hmm, I've never been all that lucky." She hummed.

He pointed his gun and pressed it against her forehead, the cool metal brushing her skin like a soft kiss. Her heart started to speed up and her breathing started to shallow out. It was like everything slowed down like she could capture every millisecond.

Then she snapped.

She broke her hands-free, grabbed the barrel of the gun and pointed it upwards as he fired a shot.

That ceiling definitely needed to be replaced now.

She kicked him back in the chest, but the gun slipped her fingers and stayed in his hand. He pointed it and fired but she ducked out of the way as the glass window shatter over her like snowfall. She pushed over a table and ducked behind it, squeezing her eyes shut as the bullets rained over her. She opened her eyes and stared out the window, relief flooding her as artillery of officers stormed the building.

She closed her eyes until the gunfire halted and his body hit the floor.


	9. geraniums

It was a high-pitched scream in her ear for the first 20 seconds until someone gripped her arm and pulled her up.

Ayeon squinted at the man before her, it was one of Jinah’s friends, she had seen a group picture on her desk. “Detective Yoo? My name is Detective Kim Doyoung, I’m a detective with the Hostage Negotiations Unit. Why don’t we take you to get checked up by medical, okay?”

“Right, of course.” Ayeon cleared her throat, “It’s nice meeting you, Jinah talks a lot about you and your team.”

He stared at her, his lips slightly parted, almost stunned, before smiling slightly, “Likewise, she doesn’t spare praise when it comes to you.”

He led her into the arms of a medical team that were currently fussing over all of the hostages. Her head was pounding but other than that, she had a few superficial wounds from the shattering glass. It all felt surreal, she was trying to parse out her emotions, figuring out what was brewing in her stomach. She winced and touched her shoulder.

“Is your shoulder injured?”

She shook her head, “It’s an old wound, just acting up.”

“Move!”

Jinah shoved aside anyone in her way and grabbed Ayeon by her shoulders, “What happened? Are you okay? Who did this to you? Are you insane?”

“Breathe. You’re worse than Soya.” Ayeon said with a half-smile.

Jinah rolled her eyes, “I’m not that bad.”

“Well, I got a call from someone from the precinct saying that you needed me on a stolen car case. Turns out, a bit of a robbery.” She quipped.

Jinah shook her head in annoyance, “Some _rat_ sent you straight into a trap. I didn’t tell anyone to call you. There was no missing car.”

“Yeah, I figured.” She said with a small smile. “The learning curve wasn’t very steep.”

“Why aren’t you furious?” Jinah whispered.

Ayeon’s smile lingered, “They did it because they love Lucas. I can’t fault that.”

“That’s not love, Ayeon. That’s bitter vengeance.”

\-----

“Thanks for doing this. I know you haven’t had a chance to collect yourself, we need a statement, we’ll come back later for more.” Taeil said as he flipped open his notebook.

Ayeon nodded, “Did the others give theirs?”

“Yeah, but they’re still around, getting looked after. We’re bringing in some trauma counselors for them. We could easily set you up with someone, detective. It’s no problem.” 

She smiled, “Tell me what you need to know.”

“We’ll come back for the generic details. I need you to tell me anything that stood out to you, anything that didn’t make sense.”

Her mind raced, “Yeah. It was bizarre. He left the front doors unlocked, he didn’t bother using the manager to get him to unlock the vault, he left ten thousand dollars untouched and wasted time going for the 25k which is nearly impossible for him to get to. What’s worse is that he seemed surprised that the cops even found out. Like he thought he’d get to the money without resistance.”

Taeil’s jaw was tightly set as he tried to write fast enough to keep up with her, “Well. Thank god you were in there. Wait…no…that’s not what I meant. I mean, thank god it wasn’t someone who’s bad at their job. I’m…hold on…sorry.”

“I get it.” She laughed lightly but her body was still tense, “I just…it didn’t make sense to me. Maybe he was just an idiot, not all criminals are masterminds, but it was bugging me.”

His eyebrow quirked, “But your pizza box message. Creative. What did you mean by it?”

“I don’t know, to be honest. I was pressed for time and wanted to give you guys something. The only thing that made sense was that he had some sort of insider information. Either he was working with someone or he knew how this bank operated. Maybe he used to work in one or someone in life did. I’m not sure.” She said with a shrug.

He shook his head, “No, this is good. We have a lot we can work with. Thank you. And hey, you were amazing in there. I heard from the statements from the hostages that you kept everyone calm, even the douche-y one. You did all the right things. Jinah’s praise is well deserved, detective.”

“Thanks.” She smiled.

She gave statements similar to that for a while, accepting the hot coffee and blankets as she stood in the bank parking lot. She couldn’t feel her feet anymore and every part of her wanted to just crawl into bed and fall asleep for another 6 days. It was something she’d been craving to do a lot more often these days.

She leaned against one of the vans and closed her eyes until someone else came up to her, asking her questions, filling out forms and taking down notes. She answered them methodically but let her eyes scan over the police officers walking about and the crowd of people that were thinning out.

She looked over and her eyes locked onto one of the few people still lingering. She stared at Jaehyun who was standing behind the railings, staring at her with a growing frown and eyes brewing with a storm. She didn’t bother noting how bizarre it was for seeing him without a pleasant smile or knowing look. Instead, she pushed past the faceless person who was trying to get her statement and walked straight towards him.

He stood motionless but kept his eyes trained on her as she neared, climbing over the barriers until she stood in front of him, “What on earth are you doing here? Who’s watching Triple?”

He let out a breathy laugh before taking his hands out of his pockets and cupping her cheeks. She shivered at his warmth, she hadn’t noticed how brisk the winds were. “I was worried, detective.”

Her heart stumbled. It stumbled. She never tripped, she never fell, she never stumbled. But her heart did then. Her lips parted with questions, a thirst for clarification. His fingers slipped into her hair and maybe it was the exhaustion, maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe she _was_ in a bit of shock but the sigh she had let out was far too loud.

He pulled her into his chest and what was more shocking, she had let him. He let out a breath and closed his eyes as he rested his cheek atop her head. She was warm and breathing, and he could feel her heart beating against him. All he could remember was watching in stunned horror as a gun was pressed to her forehead and the gut-wrenching feeling that hit him harder than he expected. But he pushed that aside, she was alive. That’s all that mattered.

Thank god.

His arms around her, the flat plane his chest against her face, it felt good, much too good. His jacket was soft, and she expected nothing less from him. He was so warm, and his arms felt like a blanket on a chilly morning. Her eyes slipped shut and she allowed herself to pretend that she wasn’t standing outside surrounded by people she didn’t know. She let herself feel scared for a second so that she could feel reassured for a minute.

This was insanely, wonderfully, heart stately good.

“Um…Ayeon?”

She pulled away from Jaehyun and turned to Jinah who was standing on the other side of the barrier. She felt Jaehyun’s arms stiffen around her but Jinah’s face, for the first time that day, her eyes were light, “We need to take a few more statements back at the precinct.”

Ayeon rubbed her nose, “Right. Let’s go.”

She let her hands drop but Jaehyun’s fingers clutched hers, “I’ll leave the door unlocked. Come by when you’re done.”

“Okay.” It came out as a whisper because when someone looked at you like that, like if they didn’t have their eyes on you, they might lose their minds, all you could manage is a whisper.

\------

When Jinah said ‘a statement’ Ayeon thought she meant in a private room with a few necessary officers. What Jinah had apparently meant, was rounding up the entire precinct and scream at them at the top of her lungs with a wave of anger so raging that everyone was shaking.

“You are all despicable.” She hissed, her eyes burning red. “You are _supposed_ to be officers of the law. A unit. A team. The fact that some of you have the nerve to stand there in uniform while you knowingly let a fellow officer walk into a hostage situation blind and with no back-up. You not only dishonored your badge but apparently, hate someone so much you’d be willing to get them killed.”

Ayeon sunk into her chair, praying that Jinah would cut her rant short and send everyone out. This wasn’t exactly the way she’d like this be handled but she knew Jinah, she wasn’t the type to pretend everything was okay.

“I feel sick looking at all of you right now, so I’m not going to avoid the elephant in the room for your sakes. Lucas’s death is hitting us all hard, and if there’s something that I’m not doing as your lead, tell me. There are ways to deal with grief, healthy ways. Directing your anger at an officer who was just as much a victim as Lucas is not the way to do it. It’s the way that proves you’re not cut out to wear that uniform.”

“You’re only mad because Detective Yoo is your friend.”

Jinah froze and slowly turned to face an older officer, “Excuse me?”

“I said—”

“I know what the _fuck_ you said.” She hissed, “But let me humor your dumbass for a second. Even if I did favor her, that wouldn’t change the fact that sending a detective unprepared into a dangerous situation where the lives of innocent civilians at risk doesn’t just cross a line, it leaps across the line and takes a shit on it. If this went wrong, if there were casualties, you’d be an accessory. So, I apologize if you think I’m favoring her or overreacting, but I am ashamed to be the leader of a group of snakes.”

She kicked a trash can, sending it flying across the room. Running her hands through her hair, she shut her eyes, the sight of her team made her sick, “I will track the number who called Detective Yoo, I will find you and whoever knew that Detective Yoo was being sent to a trap, I will fire you and send you to jail and I can’t _fucking_ wait.”

She turned to Ayeon who was watching the entire thing from her desk, “Any final words?”

“None.” She said firmly.

She narrowed her eyes, “The challenge.” Butterfly challenge is what she was saying.

Ayeon gave her a long look before looking at everyone, “The badge isn’t given to you. You need to earn it every single time.”

Silence hung past her until Jinah raised her voice, “That’s it. Everyone out!”

The officers scrambled out of the room, even the ones who spent Jinah’s entire rant glaring and huffing.

“I’m going to head out.” Ayeon said, rolling her head while grabbing her jacket.

“I’m going to find who did this.”

Ayeon smiled slightly and slipped her coat on, “I know you will.”

Jinah tilted her head, “Are you going to see Jaehyun?”

Ayeon looked at her, stunned but Jinah smiled, “I overheard what he said to you.”

“I’m going home. I’m tired.” Ayeon muttered.

Jinah smiled softly, “Sleepover at his place then.”

“Disgusting.” Ayeon said with a grimace.

Jinah’s smile fell, “Ayeon, I know you like keeping stuff close to your chest. That’s fine. But after today, maybe you should talk to someone about what you went through.”

“Have a good night, Jinah.”

\-----

Jinah didn’t need to know that Ayeon had never once had the intention to go home and nurse her fatigue.

She would admit that her eyes were getting heavy, a lack of coffee she was sure, but she knocked on Jaehyun’s apartment door, nonetheless, waiting for him to open it.

Something had to be wrong with her because all she wanted was his hands on her again, in her hair, across her waist, on her face. It was overwhelming. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt as steady as she did when she saw him outside and he held her in his arms.

He swung the door open, that pleasant smile slapped on his face, “Come in.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be the best company.” She worded out as he closed the door behind her.

His apartment was like she last remembered but the silence was replaced with the sizzle of his kitchen and the tv playing in the background. Triple pranced up to her expectantly and she obliged by pulling a treat out of her pocket and handing it down to him.

“Your presence is more than enough. I’m making dinner, would you like some tea?”

She looked at him, bewildered, “Dinner? Why are you making dinner?”

He glanced at his watch, “It’s 6PM, some people tend to eat around this time and I skipped lunch.”

“I don’t want you making me dinner.” She said firmly.

He tended to the stove, his eyes averted, “I’m not making you dinner, detective. I’m making myself dinner.”

“Those are two steaks.” 

He looked up at her, “I told you I skipped lunch. However, if I have leftovers, I have no choice but to offer some to you.”

“Jae-“

“Instead of turning me down, what if I let you make something? Do you cook?”

She closed her eyes, but walked over to him, Triple following her like a shadow, “What are you doing?”

“Detective, would you like to sit with me and dig deep into the trauma and strain that you went through today as a hostage with your life on the line?” He said while propping his hands against the counter.

“Absolutely not.” She snapped back.

He grinned, “So, do you prefer making salad or baking potatoes because I’m good with both.”

\------

“How!? How on earth am I ruining a salad?”

Jaehyun was biting on his lip so hard that he was worried he would draw blood. He hadn’t heard her voice this expressive before and, good god it was beautiful. She had tied her hair up and was running back and forth behind him trying to salvage a salad that she _swore_ tasted like garbage.

“There’s literally not a single cooking component. I’m not even making the dressing! How does it taste so bad?!” She shrieked.

He had given up on the finishing touches of his part and had just taken to watching her. The way her brows knit together, her lips turned down with hyper-focus. He didn’t peg her for a perfectionist.

“I’m sure it’s fine.”

She couldn’t hear him, she was in a state of hysteria as she tried to make something edible. “Potatoes! I should’ve just stuck with the potatoes!”

“Oh.” He blurted when his eyes landed on her ingredients. “This might be my fault.”

She looked at him dubiously, “How?”

He pointed to a block of cheese, “I’m pretty sure that’s expired.”

She stared at the salad in front of her before throwing the spoon down, “I’m going to scream.”

He laughed, the sound catching her attention, her eyes watching him in awe. He turned the stove off and moved the steaks onto the plate before taking her salad and throwing it away, “I have to admit, I was surprised at the thought that the greatest detective of our time was defeated by a salad.”

“Oh, shut up.” She rolled her eyes and grabbed a new bowl and started again. “Greatest detective, my ass.”

He reached for her knife, “You don’t have to do this. We could live without a salad.”

“You could remember? This is your dinner.” She muttered, her focus regained, “I’m going to nail this.”

His smile was unconscious, “In order to properly distract you from your effort to perfect the complexities of the Caesar salad. New round of 2 truths and a lie.”

“Well now that you know how to play, it won’t be as fun.” She muttered while tossing lettuce into a bowl.

“One, I will not share this meal with you. Two, I still can’t figure out which tea you’d like. Three, I was terrified when I saw that man point his gun at you.”

She slowed with the knife and looked at him, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking for an apology, detective. You didn’t do anything wrong, I just thought I’d tell you how I felt.”

She let out a breath, “Yeah, you’re good at that, aren’t you?”

“Were you scared?” He asked softly.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, “Not really.”

“Even when he tried to shoot you?”

She winced, “You saw that?”

“Unfortunately.” He snorted.

She shrugged and looked at the chopping board, “It was all a blur, and everything happened so fast. I don’t think I had a chance to feel anything.”

“Maybe not then, but what about now?” He moved closer to her, leaning against the counter next to her.

“My turn.” She whispered as she lifted her eyes to meet his, “One, when I think about what happened I get nervous thinking about how it could’ve gone wrong. Two, I do not want dinner. Three, I really liked the way you hugged me.”

“3 truths and a lie.” He whispered back.

Her brows knit in confusion so, he kept talking, “Do you want me to hug you again?”

Her lips parted and a second passed, “Four, I want you to hug me again.” 

His hands slid further down the counter until it was behind her, he slowly lifted his arms and slipped them around her waist before pulling her towards him. She closed her eyes before her face pressed into his shoulder. Her arms came around his neck and pulled him against her, digging her fingers into his shoulders. He leaned into her, pressing her against the counter and tucking his face against her neck.

He smelled like flowers and olive oil, it was incredibly comforting. It was warm, familiar, steady. He squeezed her waist slowly sliding his palms up and down her sides. She smelled like sweat and remnants of fading perfume. It was real, human.

Moving his hands upwards, he gently squeezed the back of her neck, “The food’s going to get cold.”

“Let it.” She mumbled against his collar and he swore shivers ran down his spine so viciously it was almost painful. “I wish he just took the money and left.”

He lifted his head and rested his chin on the top of hers, “Why didn’t he?”

“It’s a long story but short version, he wanted more money than was readily available. No one knew why he’d make it harder not the Younger Woman, the Older Woman, the Manager, Helmet Head or Chan.”

“Chan?” He asked.

She opened her eyes stared over his shoulders, still in his arms, “I had nicknames for all of them, but he called him Chan.”

“Bizarre.” Jaehyun mumbled to himself with a frown.

Ayeon finally pulled away and stared at them, their faces inches apart, “What is?” 

“That he only knew one of their names.” He said uncertainly.

Her fingers rested by his neck, “Yeah but he could’ve just asked when he chose him.”

His eyes locked on hers and watched as something flickered in her eyes and her hands slid down his chest before they fell to her sides, “Salad.”

“Make me proud, detective.”

\-----

After a coy act of pretending to be too full after one plate, Jaehyun had convinced Ayeon to take the last steak and seated her next to him as they silently watched television together.

It was nice, peaceful, until the sound of knocking echoed from the floor below.

Ayeon stood with her hand on her gun, but he stopped her, “If it was someone trying to hurt us, they wouldn’t have knocked. Finish eating, I’ll get this.”

She looked uneasy but lowered back to her seat and picked up her plate, “Just scream if you need me.”

“I’ll make sure I’m on key.” He joked while heading out his door and through his shop. He had to admit he was a bit unnerved as he approached the front counter but when his eyes landed on the person behind the door, his eyes widened.

He didn’t know what to think.

He unlocked the door and stared at the woman in front of him, “Soya?”

“Where is she?”

“Upstairs, my apartment.”

Soya looked shocked, “She’s in your apartment?”

“You can come in and see her.” He said while stepping aside.

Soya stepped in but waited a moment, “How…is she?”

“As good as she can be. She tends to let things out like a bag with a pinprick-sized leak in it.”

She looked at him, “I know. She’s my best friend.”

“I wish we met under better circumstances.” He said gently.

She made a face and turned, letting him lead her up his stairs, “You’re the only one that could’ve made that possible, not me.”

“I deserved that.” He said to himself.

Soya stood by the door and stared at Ayeon who was frowning at her plate, trying to cut a piece of stake while balancing it on her knees.

“Ayeon.”

Her head snapped up and she stared at her friend, confusion clouding her features before a bright smile split up her face, “Oh my god! What are you doing here?!”

“Jinah told me where to find you. I was so worried!”

Jaehyun stepped away, letting them have a moment to catch up and busied himself with the dishes.

“So, it was unexpected finding you here.” Soya said after they were caught up to speed.

Ayeon stared at the television screen, “Was it? Jinah knew.”

“Jinah tends to be overconfident at times.” Soya said with a laugh.

Ayeon nodded, distractedly, “I don’t want to get into it.”

“Ayeon…”

Her face darkened and for a moment, Soya had thought she severely crossed the line but then Ayeon grabbed her phone, “Oh my god, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun turned to see Ayeon on her phone while pointing at the tv screen, “You were right. It was weird.”

“What are you talking about?” He looked over at the tv screen.

_Hostage Victims Safe After Bank Robbery Gone Wrong_

“My name is Detective Yoo from the 32nd precinct. I’m calling about the new report that just went live. There was a misreport. You showed 5 hostage victims. There were 6.” Her voice was terse as she sent the two of them a look.

“We got it based off of the victim statements.”

She shook her head, “Based on the witness statements? There were 6 statements, 5 bank employees and, myself. Your report is missing one of them.”

Ayeon hung up and hit another number, “Jinah, call your friends at Neg, I know who was working with the robber.”

She thought back to the message she wrote on the pizza box.

**_INSIDER._ **

“It was the bank teller who slipped me the note. It was Chan.”


	10. irises

Ayeon turned out to be very right.

The police had raced to the hospital where all of the hostage victims were being kept overnight to undergo some trauma tests and found that Vino Chan had not been admitted. Referring to notes and statements, no one found any statement from him because he had used the commotion to slip away.

His credit card transactions placed him a toll booth, buying a ticket, the police tracked him down and dragged him back. Turned out that he had worked at the bank for 3 months and was slowly learning about the bank’s security set up. He had spent time recording the manager’s voice and practicing his forging to bypass the measures for higher withdrawals.

Apparently, when the Younger Woman hit the emergency button, things went downhill, tensions rose since Chan had to keep pretending to be an unaware victim. Since he was the brains and Masked Man was the brawn, he kept fumbling the entire plan, Chan wanted to disassociate himself and lured Ayeon back with the note knowing that his partner would take her hostage.

Which meant a higher chance for the police to shoot on sight.

And nearly everything went exactly the way he wanted, including the money being transferred to his account if it wasn’t for Ayeon calling Jinah in time. Now? Now he was sitting in a cell, waiting for charges to be officially laid.

Jinah, on the other hand, had the number that called Ayeon and sent her into the trap was Lucas’s old desk phone, one that no one was occupying.

And it unsettled her, that her friend would be working in a space where someone wanted her dead.

\------

Maybe Jaehyun wanted her to stay a little longer.

But he saw the conviction in her eyes when the pieces started to come together. One of the things he knew about her was the fact that she wasn’t the type to sit around, she was a champion of justice.

That didn’t mean his eyes didn’t linger a bit too long after she ran out.

Soya had seen and for a moment he swore her expression softened, “You know if you pick up her call, we could all have dinner once.”

He had just smiled and told her to get home safely.

\-----

The next morning, Ayeon walked into his shop, made 0 eye contact and didn’t bother saying hi and went to the back where she was making herself home.

He had seen the papers, caught the sentence snuck in about how Detective Yoo Ayeon, the hostage victim, had single-handedly cracked the case. A bit of a celebrity she was becoming, even if her precinct gave her shit, the rest of the city was all about her. Jaehyun would bet that Ayeon would’ve wanted the ground to swallow her up if she read the thread spreading around on online forums about the beautiful detective who survived a shooting and a hostage. Someone had even commented about how her life should be adapted into a thriller drama.

He kept his eyes down himself, smiling as he slipped a tulip into an arrangement. He heard her confident footsteps stuttered to a stop and knew she had seen it. He wiped his hands on a rag before moving to the back, leaning against the door frame, watched her as her fingers moved curiously.

“Seoul’s finest deserved a lamp.”

She turned, her eyes wide, “Why did you do this?”

Replacing the uneven foldout chair and table was a small fine wooden desk and a padded leather stool. On the table sat a small lamp and a small vase of flowers.

He smiled softly and shrugged, “The old table wasn’t even meant for people to actually use. If you’re doing work, you might as well be comfortable.”

She chewed on the inside of her lip before nodding, “You didn’t have to.”

His smile grew, “I know. I wanted to, detective.”

He went to stand next to her and she felt her gaze swim when she felt his presence, his scent that seemed to stand out in a literal room of flowers. It was disgustingly reassuring. “Well…thank you.”

\------

It was going too well for him.

The universe had to make sure to take him down a few notches.

Jaehyun ran, the darkness of the night helping him duck into shadows, away from the men who were looking for that last quarter, which he did not have.

His lip was bleeding, breathing was becoming a painful luxury as he fought through all the other pain strumming through his body as he tried to tune out the threatening yells echoing behind him.

He had locked up for the day and wanted to run out to the grocery store when they descended upon him like a pack of rabid dogs. He knew that by now, he needed to stop crossing his fingers in the hope they would forget that he was behind on the payment. He had passed the 4-day deadline 2 weeks ago. He was foolish to think it was by accident.

He wondered if they were just going to kill him this time.

Suddenly, he felt his vision spin when a hand shot out from the alley and yanked him in, away from his escape route. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the blow against his face or the knife against his gut.

At this point, he just wanted it to be over.

“Hey.”

His eyes snapped open and he found himself staring into Ayeon’s dark, unreadable eyes but the frown on her lips was unmistakable. His lips parted, confused and disorientated, he was just silent. At the sound of footsteps pounding near them, she pushed him by the chest, his back hitting the bricks behind him, cloaking himself in the shadows as she did the same. She watched the gap of the alley, holding her breath as someone raced by. He was distracted by the curve of her jaw and bow of her lips to notice any impending threat.

She waited a few minutes before turning to look at him, her eyes traced over the damage to his face before reaching for his hand and pulling him behind her, “Come on, let’s go to my place since clearly they already know where to find you.”

“Detective, wait.”

She didn’t look back at him, “Not now. Let’s just get you out of here.”

She didn’t let go of his hand once, as they walked, their footsteps becoming less rushed the further they were from his shop. At one point, she slipped her fingers through his and they just let the silence drown them. His mind was blank, nothing was sustaining in his mind, he just let her lead him down a street he didn’t recognize and into an apartment that didn’t look like home. 

They got into an elevator together and she finally dropped his hand, the fluorescent lighting showcasing the damage in a more gruesome way.

“God.” Ayeon muttered, scanning his face.

He said nothing in response, he was too tired. He just stared at her, the way her hair was stuck to the side of her neck, how her cheeks were red from the cold and how her brows were knit together in concentration. He’d admire it a lot better, but his brain was just not working.

Ayeon led him out of the elevator and down the hall before pulling out her keys. His mind was so fuzzy that the only thing he noticed was how she had nothing personal on her keys. No, keychains, not bobbles, just a silver keyring.

She let them in, but he stayed by the door, unsure where to go. She tossed her keys aside and rested her hands on her waist for a moment, sighing before turning to face him.

“How much?”

He squinted his eyes and moved slowly towards her, “What?”

“How much do you need to pay them off for them to leave you alone?” Her voice was low, but it wasn’t angry.

His eyes widened, “You know?”

She shrugged, “I took a guess. Either they were loan sharks, or you were being bullied. It was easy to pick.”

“Well, good guess.”

She leaned her back against her counter and crossed her arms, “You have a legitimate business, why borrow money from loan sharks?”

“I didn’t. My parents did. They needed the money when my sister died, she…she had gone missing before they found her body. We weren’t rich, so when they needed money to pay for billboards, tv ads, lawyers and search teams, they weren’t approved for loans, so they had to get it through other means. I have to pay off the last quarter, five thousand dollars.”

“Five thousa—your parents owed them twenty grand?” She asked incredulously.

He nodded despondently, “They paid back 5, I paid up 10.”

“Fuck. Okay.” She chewed on her lip as if she was running down a list of potential solutions but finding the most favorable one. She walked to the kitchen and reached into a cabinet and pulled out a box of pasta and a checkbook. She scribbled something down before ripping it off and carrying the pox of pasta to where Jaehyun was sitting. “This cheque is good for 2.”

She opened the box of pasta and dumped out the content, stacks of 100-dollar bills. “This is the other 3.”

His shock lasted a second before he growled, “Absolutely not. I will not take 5 dollars from you much less 5 thousand dollars. How do you even have that much money to just pass off?”

“My dad’s wealthy.”

He blinked and unintentionally looked around her apartment. It was simple, nothing extravagant, a bit bigger than his but still an apartment that came from a detective’s salary, but not one from a wealthy inheritance.

“I know what you’re thinking. I don’t use my father’s money. This was sitting in my account collecting dust. My mother insisted that I keep some of it, but I do fine on my own.” She said with a small, almost self-deprecating, smile.

He shook his head, “Still, I’m not taking that much money from you. Never. I didn’t even take money from my best friend to pay this off. I have a thousand saved, it’ll bide them over until I can make up the rest.”

She laughed, “You think that’ll make a dent? They’ll take your 1k and then by the time you have the other 4 they’ll tell you that the interest means you’re back at owing them 5k which means what should've cost you 5 ended up costing you 6.” She walked to the pasta box and counted out a thousand. “Here, take the 4k.”

He shook his head firmly, “I will not. This isn’t your burden, detective. It’s mine.”

“Except that it’s not. It’s your parents' burden. I inherited money, you inherited debt. Neither of it belongs to us and neither of us got to choose.” Her voice was not one that people argue against, but he tried.

“But I-“

She spread her arms out, “Look at you, Jaehyun! You’ve been beaten up. You were running for your life. Is your pride worth the beating?” Before he could answer, her eyes widened, “When you closed the store for a week, was it because something like this happened before?”

He closed his eyes while she gaped at him. She stomped up to him, shoved him down on the couch and he fell back with no resistance. She lifted his shirt and winced and the yellowing bruises on his sides mixed with the fresh purple ones. “Fucking hell.”

She reached out and touched the injuries causing him to wince at the fresher ones. She dropped his shirt and stepped away, “You’re taking the money. End of story.”

“This isn’t just petty cash, things will get uncomfortable. I don’t mix friendship with money.” His uneasiness was evident, but she wasn’t going to allow it.

She rolled her eyes, “Didn’t you once tell me that your best friend co-signed your loan for the shop?”

He gave her a look, “A loan for a business is different than an informal loan for a personal loan shark debt.”

“I’d rather give up the friendship title and give you the cash.” She deadpanned.

She wanted to scream the smile off his face, “I’d rather not, detective.”

“Take it. Pay me back. We can come up with a plan. With interest. The same deal you had with them except I won’t hunt you down and rough you up.” She hissed out.

“I bet you could, though.” He said with a tired smile.

She frowned and dropped the money onto his lap, “Just take it. I hate this conversation and want it to be over.”

“I’ll pay you back, detective. I promise.” He said softly that it made her heart hurt.

She blinked slowly, her eyes warming, “I know, florist. Oddly enough, I trust you a bit.”

She stood and picked up her keys and tucked her gun into her holster. He frowned and sat up, he didn’t want her to leave.

“Where are you going?”

She moved to the door, “Out. I’m going to pick up some of your things.”

“Why?” He asked.

She waved her finger, “You’re staying here. They know where you live, it’s not safe. Spend the night here and pay them off tomorrow and you’ll be good as new. It’s late and I don’t want to stay up wondering if someone’s going to break into your apartment.”

“Detective, you don’t know what you’ve given me. What you’ve just done, I owe you so much more than the 4 grand.” He rasped, his eyes red and heavy with unshed tears.

She held her breath and just barely grazed the back of his hand with her fingers in an act of comfort, “What was it you said? Oh yeah, your company is enough.”

\-----

Ayeon stood in the same alley that she had pulled Jaehyun into earlier and just waited, her gun tight in her hand. Images of his face banged up and his eyes on the brink of tears flashed in her mind. She counted down when she heard footsteps and a booming, “ _Find him!”_

Must be the leader.

When the footsteps got closer, she stepped out, grabbed the scruffy looking man, pulling him back into the darkened alley and pressed him against the wall so hard that the back of his head hit the brick. She cocked her gun and shoved it into the man’s mouth.

“Listen to me and for my sake, listen carefully. I don’t have the capacity to repeat myself to someone like you. So, use the 2 braincells that you have left. November 23rd, that’s tomorrow’s date, Jung Jaehyun will deliver five thousand dollars to your men in a cute little envelope smelling like _fucking_ roses and you will, without batting an eye, accept the money, count it in front of him and shake his hand with a smile. You will say _“It was nice doing business with you”_ in the asshole way that I’m sure you’re capable of doing and send him on his way.”

She gripped his throat tighter, making him grunt while his eyes darted to her gun in fear, “And you will _never_ , do you hear me, _never_ speak to him again. You will not vandalize his store, you will not harass him, and you will not lay a single finger on him. You will erase him from your repertoire and go on with your pathetic little life. Have I made myself clear?” She growled.

He glared and that wasn’t good enough for her, “I’m a cop.” She shifted her stance so that her badge flashed, “If you so much as _think_ his name, I will walk into your little club house, put a bullet through your forehead and make an example out of you. And spoiler, I won’t get caught because I know how not to. Do you understand?”

She dug her nails into his throat when he didn’t respond, and he whimpered before nodding with vigor, “Great.”

She released him and took a few steps away before turning and pointing her gun straight at him, right at his forehead, making him flinch violently, “Remember, I will not get caught.”

\-----

“Help!”

Jaehyun rushed to the door and helped Ayeon with his belongings, namely Triple and his carrier box, “You brought him?”

“I wasn’t sure if he was the type of cat that destroyed everything when left alone so, I played it safe. Did you know it took me 15 minutes just to get him in his crate?” She muttered while kicking the door the shut.

“Not bad. It usually takes me 30.” He said while taking a bag of his clothes and setting them down.

She dusted her hands off and locked the door, “Unlike you, I don’t cook.”

“I couldn’t have guessed.” He said with a smile. It amazed her how he could smile.

She shot him a glare, “Charming, aren’t you? Anyways, I’m going to order some food.”

She picked up a stack of take-out menus, “Take your pick. I’m going to take a shower.”

“I could just cook dinner while you shower.” He offered.

She frowned, “You can’t even sit up straight without groaning. Besides, you cooking while I’m showering? That’s too…”

“Domestic?” He said with an amused smile.

She turned away and opened a cabinet before pulling out a small first aid box. She walked over and handed it to him, “I’m sure you can manage?”

“Thank you, detective. You’re…you…” He sighed in resignation, “Thank you.”

\------

When Ayeon stood under the blasting heat of her shower, her brain started to play catch up. He was in her house, her salvation, her refuge, he was in it. She had invited him in. But then again, how could she not? She had just gone over to see if he was doing inventory when she saw him from across the street, running away, luckily, she was familiar enough with the allies that she was able to cut him off.

She pressed her fingers against her eyes and let the water wash over. Now the vandalism made sense, as did his hesitation when it came to figuring out who did it. He knew who it was. She could never have imagined him to be someone with that much fear in his eyes, looking scratched up while carrying the burden on his shoulders.

He was supposed to be made of petals.

“Uh…detective?” A soft knock came at the bathroom door.

She turned the shower off and reached for her towel, “Yeah?”

Her eyes widened when she picked up muffled words. She hastily wrapped the towel around her and yanked the door open, surprising Jaehyun who was holding her cellphone out with a text message displayed on her home screen. Her wet hair fell over her eyes in panicked curls, “What did you just say?”

“Your mother is standing outside your building.”

\-----

“Okay, okay, okay, okay.”

Jaehyun was befuddled over how someone who handled a gun against her forehead with steady calm and grace was pacing back and forth with terror in her eyes.

“This is fine. This will be okay.” She chanted as she shook out her damp hair and adjusted the black cardigan over her shoulders. She had sent a text to her mom, telling her to let herself up. “Oh fuck.”

“What’s wrong?”

She pressed the heels of her hands to the sides of her head, “How am I going to explain _you_ and _your cat_?”

“I could climb out the fire escape, or we should go into your closet.” He offered.

She gave him a look, “I’m a terrible liar around her, there’s no point, plus she’ll probably see you scaling the ladder. We’ll just deal with it straight, just follow my lead.”

“What’s your mother like?” He asked curiously.

She waved her hand around, her mouth opening and closing, “She spent a lot of time in a very dark place just to protect me. Now, well, she’s living her best life but that tends to mean that she’s a bit _over the top_. She hasn’t gotten rid of her overprotective traits which might be a bit extreme. But other than that, she’s a normal mother.”

A knock on the door settled a silence over the two of them.

“Here we go.”

\-----

“Hi, mama.” Ayeon greeted, kissing her mom on the cheek.

The woman kissed her back before walking into the apartment. She had a white wide-brimmed sunhat settled over her head with a pair of dark sunglasses perched on her nose. He could see where Ayeon got her affinity to sunglasses from. She was dressed in luxurious fabrics and fur with makeup perfectly applied.

“Hi, honey, thought I’d drop in, you’re looking gaunt, are you sle—Who are you?” Her gaze landed on Jaehyun. She pulled her glasses off, Ayeon got her eyes from her too, the same sharp, calculating and cautionary look.

“This is Jaehyun, he’s a friend. We were just chatting when you texted me.” Ayeon said, trailing after her mother, watching her expressions carefully.

Her mother tilted her chin up and surveyed Jaehyun, his soft coloured wardrobe contrasted by the bruises on his face. Her eyes narrowed at the cuts, “A friend.”

The way she said that made him shiver, like she thought it was a lie. Her eyes landed on Triple who ducked behind his legs, “Who apparently brings his cat here.”

“Mama.”

“No, I’m not saying anything bad. I’m just surprised. Jaehyun, you said? I’m Ayeon’s mother.” She held her hand out which he took dutifully.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Ayeon guessed that adults loved him, his soft but steady voice, the smiling eyes and dimpled grin must win them over every time. Unfortunately, her mother was much too familiar with men and their soft exteriors, she didn’t like it. She didn’t trust it.

She preferred Ayeon’s other friends, Jinah and Soya who were rough around the edges.

Her mother hummed and turned to her daughter, “You’re wearing black again? Lord, Ayeon, is your life a perpetual funeral?”

“Mama.” It seemed that she had no other words to use. 

“Look at the bags under your eyes and your split ends. You need to take care of yourself, Ayeon, you’re at your peak, use it better.” She tutted.

Ayeon’s eyes fluttered shut by habit and she started counting backwards from 10, trying to calm herself down, when her mother interrupted, “You’d better hope that you aren’t counting in your head right now. Not in my presence, Yoo Ayeon.”

She winced and opened her eyes to see her mother’s mouth frowning, but her eyes coated in a sadness that her mother tended not to showcase as of late. “Sorry, habit.”

She shook her head, “And look at your apartment, it’s covered in dust. That job of yours is keeping you away from these priorities. It’s no wonder your skin is so dry.”

Jaehyun looked over at Ayeon who looked unbothered by the barbs. He wasn’t familiar with this kind of parental dynamic. Before he estranged from his parents, they barely spoke and before his sister died, they were always a family that laughed and loved.

This was foreign territory.

“Well, I guess not all your priorities.” She turned to Jaehyun, eyeing him again, “You seem to be doing fine in the boyfriend department.”

Ayeon’s face was still pacified except for the twitch of her eyebrow that gave her away, “I already said he was a friend and please stop talking about him like he isn’t standing right there, mama.”

“Oh, I know how girls are, _friends_ doesn’t mean anything.” She said, waving her hand. “I hope you’re not asking for my approval.”

“Of my friends? I don’t typically.”

“Of _boyfriends_.” She said the last word bitterly, “You know where I stand.”

Jaehyun spoke up for the first time, “I’m not dating your daughter, ma’am.”

She smiled but it didn’t feel like a smile, “But you’ll want to. My daughter tends to have that effect on men.” Her smile shivered, “We both do.”

“Mama.” The softness in Ayeon’s voice caught him as he looked over at her. The softness reflected on her face.

Her mother shook her head and cleared her throat, “Right well, I’m glad to see you’re doing well. My flight was early so I thought I’d just check in. It’s been a few months.”

“Did you enjoy yourself?”

Her mother’s face lit up and Jaehyun wondered if Ayeon’s face ever lit up the same way, “Oh sweetie, it was fabulous. We must go back together! The Louvre, ugh, to die for, almost as much as the pastries. I had to resist a few but the ones that slipped through were magnificent.”

“Where’s the next destination?” Ayeon asked while moving with her mother to the couches.

While her mother chattered on about a trip to Spain, Jaehyun figured he’d make himself useful and pulled out two mugs from Ayeon’s cabinet and flicked on the kettle. He started searching for something to make, it was too late in the evening for coffee but maybe hot chocolate or—

His eyes widened when he stared at a small box of black tea hidden behind coffee pods. He picked it up, it was opened and noticed a few missing. He checked the expiry date and was in awe when they were still good.

He looked over at Ayeon who was chatting with her mother, oblivious to his discovery. He smiled and started brewing the tea.

\-----

“You know, I don’t know how I feel about this Jaehyun character.” Her mother said while crossing her ankles.

Ayeon sighed, “Mama, he’s in the next room. Lower your voice.”

“It’s just, men, they’re no good. You and I know that the best, Ayeon. They just want you for your body and once they’re done getting their fill, they’ll just suck you dry of every ambition, every dream, every bright future you ever had. They’ll suck you dry and then use it to fuel their own greed and toss you aside. Men are dangerous. Look at you, you’re a detective, you’re saving lives, bringing justice, you don’t need a man to take that away from you.” She said firmly.

Ayeon traced the wrinkles around her mother’s mouth and eyes and felt her gut churn. She knew where this was coming from and she could never argue with her about it because she knew what her mother went through, she knew that she only spoke out of her own experiences that she didn’t want her daughter to repeat. But sometimes the intense bitterness she spoke with made Ayeon uncomfortable.

“He’s not like that, mama. He’s a good man.” It was a childish word to use but the one other thing that could persuade her mother was something she had no right saying.

“ _It’s okay mama, he’s a good man. He’s traumatized too.”_

So, she had to stick with, “a good man.”

Her mother’s eyebrow raised, “I thought the same of your father and look how that turned out.”

Ayeon fell silent at that and just sank into her thoughts the way she always did whenever her father was brought up.

“Ladies.”

Ayeon snapped out of it and jerked back when Jaehyun set down a tray that she didn’t remember having, with two cups of something steaming. Her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped when she recognized the smell.

She was glad her hair was let down because it covered her red ears as she refused to meet his eyes, knowing exactly what he was going to say at the discovery of tea in her ownership. Instead, she looked over at her mother who was back to eyeing him.

“Thank you.” She said briskly.

Ayeon didn’t speak and just picked up a mug, sipping on it nervously. Her mother, on the other hand, refused to drink from it, a power move, and just held it in her hands. She could hear Jaehyun’s retreating footsteps and just wished this night would end already.

Her mother set her mug down, “Well, I should head back. I just wanted to drop in quickly.”

She knew her mother, she didn’t want a long visit, it was always a quick visit, like a friend just dropping something off as opposed to a parent fussing over a child they hadn’t seen in months.

But her mother deserved as much.

“It was nice seeing you. Pick me something up nice when you’re in Spain.” 

She walked with her mother, oblivious to her phone ringing twice before a text pinged.

**_MINA_ ** _: Emergency! We need to talk._


	11. valerians

"Black tea, detective. All this time black tea!” He exclaimed. 

Ayeon leaned against the couch, propping her cheek up with her palm against the arm rest as she watched him. “I don’t understand how you have the energy for this. It’s nearly midnight.”

“You _knew_ I was losing sleep over getting you on tea. You’ve been stashing your own stock away this entire and playing dumb while I was going insane.”

Her lips twitched as she blinked heavily while watching him move back and forth, she felt like all of her actions were weighed down with lead but all she wanted to do was smile.

He was cute.

She raised her brow, “Who said you weren’t the one that did?”

“Because I never gave you black tea.” He accused with narrowed eyes.

She bit down on her lip, fighting back the smile that wanted to break out, “You’re the reason I bothered strolling down the tea isle.”

He dropped down next to her and let his head roll over to look at her, “Take me grocery shopping with you next time. Your fridge is embarrassing, detective.”

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly, “That’s too—”

“Domestic? I disagree, I’m helping prevent a crime.” He stated.

A small smile finally broke free, “Expand.”

“Hmmm…residential disturbance. Fraud. Libel. Criminal negligence.”

She laughed, his eyes warming at the rare sight, “Well if you manage to ambush me and drag me out to the grocery store, it can happen.”

He was arguably the most beautiful man she had ever welcomed in her presence. Ashy brown hair falling over his brow, slow smiles, eyes that curved and shone with emotion, dimples that trapped his smile in.

Smile. His mouth.

She made the horrendous mistake of letting her eyes fall to his lips. _Like petals._ She thought, soft, silken and unrealistically pink. Her second mistake was meeting his gaze, drinking in his widened eyes, blown pupils and bated breaths, frankly, it was all quite stunning. She was so tired, but she swore she could just sit and stare at the way his face moved for hours.

He stared at her, eyes running down her face, skimming the bridge of her nose before matching her gaze, right at her lips. Plush, reddened by fading lipstick, and warm. She always looked warm. Like a sunflower, tall, confident and turned up to the sun. His fingers twitched on his lap like he was itching to reach out and do _something_.

“I should get some sleep.” Her voice was grated with fatigue and it wrapped around him like a blanket on a chilly morning. “The guest room is all yours.”

She didn’t move from her spot on the couch so, he did them both a favour by standing up first. “Good night, detective.”

Her smile this time was smaller and sadder, “Good night.”

His steps were steady, but he moved fast into the guest room before shutting the door behind him. His heart was in his throat and ran his hand through his hair. This wasn’t good, this was terrifying, this was uneasy, this forced him to question his long-standing beliefs and principles. This wasn’t him being politely friendly to the detective taking his case. This came out of nowhere.

This was him knowing that if she leaned closer towards him, he would’ve kissed her. Right there. And he would’ve meant it.

\-----

Ayeon sat on her couch, a tub of ice cream she didn’t even know she had, next to her as she stared at the blank television screen. Her eyes would linger on Triple who was passed out in a divine slumber. It was a nice night, even though sometimes her mother’s visits could be exhausting, she was happy. But for some reason, sleep wasn’t coming easily to her.

Her life had changed so drastically in the last months.

She glanced at her phone, mulling over the text she got from Mina. It initially annoyed her that she got her hands on her personal number, but there was something in the word _Emergency_ that gave her pause.

But then she remembered that this was the girl that locked herself to a chair in a police precinct and lied before to get a meeting with her. She wasn’t about to take Mina’s words on face value. She didn’t trust reporters.

She poked at the ice cream as she wondered what Jaehyun was doing; if sleep was coming easily to him or if he was doing okay. Her brows wrinkled at the thought of his face scratched up, injured, running scared. And then she thought about how some people just carried the burden with them, just to take cards they were dealt and just soldiered on.

“You’re up? It’s 2AM.” She muttered.

The floor under Jaehyun’s feet creaked in response, “I guess it’s being in a bed that isn’t mine. What’s your excuse?”

“Grab a spoon.” She mumbled while keeping her gaze forward. “I don’t know, just can’t sleep, I guess.”

Triple, most likely smelling Jaehyun, awoke, stretching. He shook his head before watching Jaehyun sit next to Ayeon with a spoon in hand. Triple sat up before skipping over to them. He jumped, with the precision of a three-legged cat, and nestled between them.

“Your mom is a force to be reckoned with.” He commented while taking a spoon full.

She snorted stuck her spoon in her mouth, she had already powered through more than half the tub, “You’re being generous. I’m sorry if anything she said made you uncomfortable.”

“She’s your mother, it makes sense that she’d be cautious of a strange man in her living room, making himself home.” He reasoned.

She hummed and set her spoon down, “Yeah, something like that.”

“Do you know, I think you’re remarkable.” He said quietly.

She stilled before gripping the carton tightly, “What are your two truths?”

“I’ll only need one other and a lie.”

She snorted a laugh and shook her head, but he cut her off, “And before you try to distract me, it only has very little to do with the money you lent me.”

“Oh really?”

He took another scoop and she couldn’t help watching him slip it into his mouth, something dangerous curling in her gut, the same danger she felt when they were seated on this exact couch just a few hours prior. “Mmhmm, have you ever stepped back and looked at yourself for who you are? Someone who puts herself before others? Someone who cares so deeply, so loyally. You manage pain with a steady hand, albeit maybe too steady, you are a rare entity.”

“How so?” She challenged.

“You’re a cop with a soul.”

She watched him curiously, “You make it sound like I’m an anomaly.”

“It is in my world.” He said passively.

“Does this have to do with your sister?” She asked gently.

He was silent for a moment, taking a slow bite of ice cream before nodding. She could see evasion from miles away of a person not yet ready to engage in a conversation they were forced into. Her heart tugged at a feeling she knew all too well.

Ayeon reached out and slowly slid her palm up and across his shoulder until her fingers could brush the back of his neck, “I’d like to get to know her one day.”

He shivered at her simple touch, but his body melted in delight, delight that was becoming harder to control, “She would’ve adored you.”

Ayeon smiled, “Yeah?”

“Oh 100%, the leather jacket, the gun, the heeled boots, she would’ve wanted to be you for Halloween.” He could see it in his mind, the way his sister would’ve looked at Ayeon like she hung the stars in the sky.

She dropped her hand and picked her spoon back up, “Now I really want to get to know her.”

“I think I could make that happen.”

And it was fine, setting aside the tub until it melted into a liquid, chatting tiredly until they exhausted every surface level topic and the pair of them retreated to their rooms to finally let sleep take them. And it was fine as they went on with their morning routines, making breakfast together despite her constant qualm with the domesticity of it all. It was fine when they parted ways at the front door, both claiming to have different errands before work.

And it was fine when they both took a moment to watch the other walk away, trying to decipher the yank in their chest that came with a string being pulled taut. 

It was simply all fine.

\------

The last time Jaehyun was in this building, he was dragged from his morning run and learned about his parents’ debt long after the three of them were estranged. He had sworn never to step foot inside ever again but then again, if coming back here meant the end of this nightmare, Jaehyun would tap dance his way in.

He still eyed the run-down building with apprehension before pushing the metal door open and stepping in. The first thing he noticed aside from the smell of weed and stale beer, was the fact that no one was making eye contact with him. They would fidget when he passed by, almost like they were scared of him. That only made him more nervous.

Chae Wong was a terrifying man to owe money to and his minions of men weren’t that much nicer. He walked up to a door guarded by two of said minions but before he could even give his name or state his reason for being there, they just opened the door.

He gave them a tense smile and walked in, his shoulders stiffening when it slammed shut behind him.

Chae Wong was seated behind a table scattered with guns and drugs, a part of him wanted to laugh at the irony, but instead, he just walked over to the heavily tattooed gentleman seated behind it.

“Good to see you, Jung.” He said with a grin.

“Here.” He said carefully, setting the envelope in front of him, “Paid in full.”

Chae said nothing, no sarcastic quips, no taunting remarks, almost like he was waiting for him. He watched in disgust as Chae lifted the envelope and gave it a sniff before glaring it as it. If he never saw these men ever again it would be too soon. Chae opened the envelope and counted the bills one at a time until he was satisfied with the total. He looked Jaehyun dead in the eye before standing slowly.

He stretched his arm out, “Well, it was a pleasure doing business with you.”

Jaehyun ground his teeth together and took his hand give it a firm but brisk shake before letting it drop, “Hope to never see you again.”

Chae grinned like a Cheshire cat, “Likewise. Send my regards to your folks.”

Jaehyun slipped his hands into his pockets to hide the fists that were forming. He gave him a half-hearted tight-lipped smile before turning away and heading to the door. He just wanted to leave, run as far away as possible.

“Oh, and tell that girlfriend of yours how this went down!”

Jaehyun blinked in confusion before frowning, “What are you talking about? What girlfriend?”

“That psycho detective. Tell her that all the debts are repaid and you and I, we no longer have business with each other and she better leave me the _fuck_ alone.” He growled, his cocky façade crumbling.

Jaehyun’s lips formed a smirk, “She came to see you?”

“Just tell her that I held up my end so, she better keep up hers and stay away from me.”

\-----

“Leave! They put me on leave even though I’m the one that broke this case!” She exploded as she stormed into Jaehyun’s store when he returned to the shop. She had told him there was something she needed to do before she came to the shop and he was not realizing she had visited her precinct.

He raised his brow, “I thought it was normal of cops, after something traumatizing, to take time off and cool down.” 

“Do I look like I need to cool down?” She muttered. 

His eyes landed on her keys hanging off her fingers as she spoke, her hands waving around erratically. It had bugged him all day that her keyring was so barren. Moving quick, he slipped her set of keys out of her hand and in a second hooked something on before handing them back.

She blinked, cutting her own rant off midway, “What is this?”

It was a keychain in the shape of a tear drop with a blue flower set in the middle of clear resin. She turned it over in her hands, smoothing over the crystal.

He moved back to his flowers, keeping his eyes trained on the stem he was trimming, “I figure sending flowers to your office may be too on the nose. And I imagine it won’t be a good look to your male counterparts. Think of this as a subtler take.”

“Did you make this?” She asked in awe as she held it up to see how the light reflected off of it.

He shrugged carelessly, “I’ve been experimenting with new products. Thought I might add a small basket of handmade keychains to the counter. Figured you should have the first one.”

“I…uh…wait what was I talking about?” She muttered to herself while staring at the keychain.

He smiled at the gentle way she thumbed the trinket and thought about what Chae had said, the fear in his eyes when he mentioned the _psycho detective_ , “You were saying something about being cool.”

“Right! Right. Well, uh, they wanted me on leave, I’m going to go and yell at someone about it.” She muttered.

He tilted his head, “You don’t seem like the type to yell but I support it.”

“Maybe not yell, I’ll just annoy someone into giving me what I want.” She sighed.

He watched her closely, “Good enough.”

“Also.” She took a phone out of her pocket, held it up and set it down on the counter “You left this at my place last night.”

She turned and saw an old lady grinning at her and Jaehyun cheekily. Her jaw tightened, “I didn’t know you had company.”

“It’s a store open for business with the public, detective.” He quipped.

She gave the woman a tight-lipped smile before dashing out of the store, her ears blazing.

\-----

Ayeon stormed into the precinct, her eyes steely and walked right up to Jinah’s desk whose eyebrow raised at the sight of her.

“You’re not supposed to be here. You’re on leave.”

She shook her head, “Let’s go somewhere private.”

Jinah nodded and led her away to an empty office, “What’s going on?”

“I don’t get it. Why can’t I just come to work now? I followed protocol, you couldn’t even find the officer who actually deserved to be fired.” She muttered.

Jinah blinked at her friend, it had been a while since she fought back. She was used to the passive agreement, not fire and resistance. She couldn’t say it was a bad thing, “The call came from your partner’s old desk, no one is using it now. You know that if I co—”

“I know.” She said softly, “Just…is there any way you could waive this?”

“I have to follow procedure and honestly, I think you could use the space.” Jinah said evenly.

“The space?” She balked, “I need to be at work. I’ve already had space. I need to be busy.”

She sighed and relented, “How about I talk to some people and see what I can do?”

“Thank you.” Ayeon said gratefully.

“But! Therapy will be mandatory. No commissioner would ever let you on the field after being taken hostage _and_ after Lucas’s death. I’ll try to figure something out so that you can work while you take sessions but that’s the best I can do.” Jinah said firmly.

“Fine.” She mumbled. “As long as I can come back to work.”

Jinah touched her friend’s arm, “This will be good for you. I’ve worked with this therapist before, I’ve sent people to her before. I’ll text you their address.”

“Yeah, fine, but I’m almost out of battery, I need to plug in.” She muttered while hooking her phone up.

Jinah made a face, “You never let it drain out.”

“I…had a late night.” She said evasively.

She waited for it to come to life and opened her messages, her finger hovered over Jinah’s name, but she was more distracted by the sight of Jaehyun’s name as her most recently messaged contact.

Which would make sense, if she ever texted him.

She frowned and clicked on the message, her eyes growing in a panicked when she read what she had apparently sent. Only made worse was watching, in real time, the _Delivered_ notification turn to _Read_.

“Is everything okay, Ayeon? Your face is red.”

“Holy shit.” She whispered, her stomach sinking.

“Ayeon?” Jinah called out.

“I need to go! I’ll call you later.” She yelled before racing out of the precinct.

\-----

“I didn’t send you that text.” Ayeon exclaimed as she burst into his shop, out of breath.

Jaehyun was just staring dumbly at his phone, at an utter loss for words, “ _I want to sleep in your bed next time._ Sent at 5AM. _”_

He was entirely too grateful that she wasn’t a mind-reader because, by the time he processed her message, his brain had run with it.

“Okay, so technically I did send that to you, at least it came from my number but to be fair I don’t…I don’t remember sending it to you.” Her voice softened at the last part.

He narrowed his eyes and moved around the counter towards her, “What do you mean you don’t remember?”

“I…” She let out a frustrated breath and rubbed her forehead, “I’ve been having these…episodes.”

“Episodes?” His voice fell deeper, more serious.

She shook her head, “I just have these minor irregular blackouts.”

“Black o—Ayeon, what the hell? How long has that been happening?”

Her eyes widened, that was a 2 for 1, she had never heard him curse and never heard him say her first name. “Um…just a few times, it started once I came back to work.”

“After that shooting?” His voice melted.

She nodded and looked away, “It’s been…difficult at work.”

“You don’t need to choose your words, detective.” He said carefully.

She gave him a bitter smile, “All you’re getting out of me is _difficult._ ”

“Well, I’m sorry it’s been difficult. After what you’ve been through, you deserve better than difficult. You deserve cashmere under your feet.”

She looked at her feet, “Has anyone ever blacked out from…strain or stress?”

“I don’t know, detective. Have you gone to a doctor?”

Her lip trembled, and she quickly shut her eyes, fisted her hands and counted to 10 to dampen down whatever was bubbling up, threatening to break. Letting a smile slip out was much more harmless than letting tears. She didn’t want to break out into a rant about her how she gets treated at work, because that would set off a chain reaction, she wasn’t ready for.

She wasn’t weak. She wasn’t going to admit that being hazed at work was taking such a toll on her that her memory was lapsing. That was humiliating. What kind of cop was she? Hell, she wouldn’t be a cop for much longer if people at her precinct found out that her brain wasn’t to be trusted. She was better than this. Stronger.

She was not weak. Not anymore.

He waited until her eyes opened before speaking to her lightly, “Why do you do that? Count to 10? I’ve seen you do it before.”

“It’s just a thing I do. Calms me down when emotions are…high.” She pinched the bridge of her nose to cool down the burning sensation.

He nodded and tapped his fingers against the counter before his face lit up, “Detective, come around here for a second.”

She furrowed her brows before walking next to him. He pulled out a sphere of soaked foam and rested it inside a vase, “Start with the biggest flowers first, work in a circle, spin the vase so that it stays symmetrical. Layer up your next flower and you just keep going until you’ve filled the ball. Don’t worry about the gaps, you can fill those with greenery, berries and other little bits for texture. You want to focus on complementary colours or an overall theme. Convey a message.”

“What are you doing?” She muttered.

He lifted a tub of extra flowers that he didn’t have a use for, “You don’t count to relieve stress. You count to calm yourself down and shove your emotions into a box, which is your call. My call is arrangements, it’s how I relieve stress, how I channel things. Flowers tell stories and it’s how I tell mine. Try.”

“I’m sorry, you want me to make a…floral arrangement?” She asked incredulously while brushing her fingers against the petals.

He moved back to his side of the counter where his current arrangement was, “You said the hostage situation meant you were on mandatory leave for a few days. What else are you going to do?”

She frowned, “I can take care of myself.”

He had to laugh at that one, “Detective, at what point did you think I was trying to take care of you? You’re the one that saves me from my bullies, patches up my wounds and feeds my cat. Is it too much of a reach to say that you take care of me?”

She chuckled, “Screw off.”

“Just give it a shot, detective.” He said with a wink. “So, you don’t remember last night?”

“I remember talking to you, and ice cream, but I don’t remember how I got to bed, after. I don’t remember falling asleep. It’s just a blank gap in my memory.” She admitted while picking a soft pink flower.

She held it up to him, he glanced over and grinned, “Peonies.”

Ayeon nodded and slipped into the foam ball the way he told her, “I have to go to therapy. My brain is broken and apparently my feelings are broken as well.” She smiled grimly, “Not very remarkable now, am I?”

“Quite the contrary, detective. Therapy makes you stronger, at least it did for me.” He said while stripping leaves off a stem.

Her eyes widened as she picked up another flower, “I didn’t know you went to therapy.”

“A couple years too late but yeah because my sister’s death was hard on me and I…” His voice lingered for a moment and he took in her wide eyes before giving in, “I had a bit of a drinking problem after she died.”

Her fingers stilled, “Oh.”

“Keep going, detective. The geraniums are calling you.”

She stared cluelessly at the bucket until he helped out, “The red ones in bunches.”

She reached for it as he continued speaking, “I became erratic, some accused me of being delusional, I fought with everyone who looked at me wrong and I eventually quit my job. I just drowned aimlessly until I was asked to help at a photoshoot, got me into flowers and once I started to make a living, I paid for therapy, learned to kick an addiction and get real help.”

“Real help.” She repeated slowly, rotating the foam sphere.

“I learned how to manage my grief in a healthy way. How not to be consumed by my past but it wasn’t easy.” He shook his head as he slipped a flower into his arrangement, “Sorry for getting so sentimental.”

“No.” She said quickly, “No, it helps to know someone whose done it.”

He gave her a look, “Your friends…”

“Soya has, but it wasn’t the same. She was suffering from PTSD but it helped that she had Jinah with her. It was how they met, actually.” She smiled to herself and continued adding flowers, “They’re good for each other.”

He nodded with a shrug, “Well, even if she went to therapy for something different, you can still learn from her overall experience. Anyways, all I’m trying to say is that this doesn’t mean you’re any less remarkable and there’s no harm in giving it a try.”

She continued with the flowers, “I hope so. I just don’t know how useful it will be for someone like me.”

“Meaning someone who doesn’t talk about her feelings?”

She picked up a new flower, one that she thought was pretty, “Exactly.”

“Maybe tell your therapist that, you’re probably not the first one who went to therapy like that, especially if it’s a therapist for cops.” He offered.

She said nothing and just continued to work on the arrangement in front of her. He had moved quickly while he worked to avoid exposing the tremor in his hands. This was all so new to him, allowing someone into his shop was one thing, but into his work, touching his flowers, standing by his counter, he wasn’t used to this.

And he wasn’t used to being the one to initiate it and be unbothered by it. It was like being in a country where you don’t speak the language but recognize everyone’s faces.

Time passed like this, with Jaehyun humming mindlessly as he worked, Ayeon trying to make her arrangement look half as good as the one in front of him. The side by side comparison looked embarrassing. 

But if she put her flower handling insecurities aside, she could see why Jaehyun found this to be relaxing, especially if you liked working on your own. Creating something beautiful with your own hands, just following what looked beautiful, what told a story.

“Thoughts?” She asked when she filled in all the empty spaces.

He stepped back from his, drying his hands, “Well, detective, if solving crimes ever falls through, you have a job at my shop.”

She snorted and shook her head, “No, you’re the talented one. Look at that, that’s stunning.”

“It took years of sub-par work.” He said humbly.

She looked impressed, “That’s a lot of dedication. You’re good at what you do.”

“When you love what you do…” He said casually.

She nodded in understanding, “I get that.”

“Is that why you became a cop? Because you love it?”

She played with the ends of the petals, “I became a cop because I realized that there are people out there who need to be protected. There are people whose cries no one else will hear and I wanted to hear them and save them.”

“That’s a noble cause, detective. And I would say that you’re making good on it.” He crooned.

She shook her head with a self-deprecating laugh and stepped away from the counter, “I should go. I have some errands to run.”

His head snapped up, but she waved her finger, “Not grocery related errands.”

“So close.” He joked while scrunching his nose up.

She was almost out the door, when she heard him call out to her, “It’s a shame though, that you don’t remember sending me that text.”

Ayeon bit down on her lower lip, masking a smile before walking out the door.


	12. proteas

A big day for both of them.

It was snowing, a signal that the month had come to an end. Stores were pulling out their tinsel and Christmas trees, getting into the month-long festive season. Ayeon wasn’t big on the holidays, she preferred being a part of the small crew of holiday staff that stayed at the precinct while others celebrate.

She wrapped her scarf tightly around her neck and braced herself against the wind as she made her way to Jaehyun’s shop. It was steadily becoming one of the core places of her mind, like the place we go in our minds to escape pain. 

She swung the door open and stared at the empty counter in confusion, “Morning, detective.”

Ayeon turned to see Jaehyun standing in the corner, next to a Christmas tree with a gold ornament hanging off his finger.

“Right on the holiday spirit, not missing a beat.” She quipped.

He walked to the counter with Triple following behind. Ayeon held out a treat before her eyes widened, “Are you kidding me? Look at him!”

Jaehyun grinned at Triple’s jingle bell collar and little Santa outfit. “So adorable that I might puke.”

She rubbed Triple between the eyes, making him keen before standing and leaning against the counter.

Jaehyun set a travel mug on the counter and nudged it towards her, “For the road.”

She picked it up, her skin pebbling at the radiating warmth, “Should I ask?

“Black tea.” He said with a smile, “Your favourite.”

She rolled her eyes but tightened her grip around it, “I won’t be around today.”

“First day of therapy? How do you feel?” He asked while drying his hands.

She shrugged, getting her gaze away, “I’m not sure. Nervous, I guess.”

“You’ll do fine, detective. Remember what I said?”

She waved her hand vaguely, “Yes, yes, open mind and all.”

“Any holiday plans?” He asked.

She shook her head and took a sip of the tea, “You?”

“The shop. People run in for last minute gifts, poinsettias, tree trimmings, and other holiday floral décor.” He answered, “It’s just gonna be me and Triple.”

“And me, makes it three.” She said quickly before turning on her heel and walking out.

He, unlike Ayeon, didn’t fight back his smile and just let it grow across his face in a blinding beam. She was by the door when he called out to her, “Hey, can you…come around here after work?”

“Sure, is everything okay?” She asked with a frown.

He nodded, “Yeah, yeah everything is fine, I just need to do something, but I’d like if you came with.”

She smiled in confusion, “Of course. I’ll come around when you close?”

There was something about her that was comforting, reassuring, trustworthy. _Of course_. She said it like she couldn’t imagine ever saying no. Like it was natural to assume that if he ever had to ask her for a favour, she'd drop everything to be there. He wasn't sure what to do with that feeling, but he let it rest over his heart. 

“Perfect. Have a nice day, detective.”

\-----

Ayeon was waiting nervously for 20 minutes in the waiting room outside the therapist’s office, staring at the miniature waterfall fixture sitting on the receptionist’s desk. Her knee wouldn’t stop bouncing and just as her heart began to beat at a normal pace, er phone buzzed against her waist and she glanced at the screen before frowning. It was from Mina again.

_911! I’m serious! Call me ASAP!_

Ayeon made a face of annoyance before blocking Mina’s number and shoving her phone back into her pocket. She didn’t need to be stressed out by a nuisance anymore than she already was about coming to this session.

“You can head inside now.” The receptionist prompted with a smile.

Ayeon kept her head down and walked into the minimalist furnished office before taking a seat on the couch across for a young woman with a calming face and a wardrobe straight out of the American 1950’s.

“I think I should start with the fact that I’m not good with emotion.” Ayeon blurted after a moment of silence passed.

The woman adjusted her glasses and blinked at her, “Hello, my name is Dr.Lee. You must be Detective Yoo.”

“You can call me Ayeon.” She said nervously.

“Ayeon. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve spoken to your Team Lead, she briefed me on the two major incidents that have occurred in your career as of late. I’d like to start by reminding you that everything that we speak about in our sessions is strictly confidential unless you prove to be a threat to yourself or to others. Detective Kim requires periodical updates but none of that will include details about what is shared. These sessions will determine if you’re fit to fully return to work as you’re currently working limited hours. Now, you were talking about your emotions?” Her entire spiel felt like it was delivered in one breath.

“Actually, I don’t, and that’s sort of my problem. Look, I’m here because I have to, but I _do_ want to get something out of these…sessions. I’m just not good at expressing myself or talking about what bothers me, so I worry this all might be a moot point.” Ayeon held her breath and braced herself for Dr. Lee’s wrath. It had barely been 5 minutes and she was already feeling like a failure. Could she really fail at therapy? 

But instead, she smiled, “Ayeon, you don’t have to worry. Try not to think of this as a formal interview or counseling session. We can just talk, it doesn’t matter about what. We can talk about the weather, what your day was like, world politics, whatever you’re comfortable with. We'll take this one session at a time, growth will happened naturally.”

Ayeon gulped, “Okay.”

“There’s no need to be nervous, I’ve spoken to plenty of cops closed off and much less willing to try than you and have still made some worthwhile progress. You’re not a lost cause, contrary to what you may think of yourself, you are not incapable of emotion or expressing yourself. I think you’re just unfamiliar with how to do it and we can work on it together.”

Her shoulders unwound a fraction and for a second, her heart skipped a beat in anticipation, “That sounds good.”

“But first, how was your day yesterday?”

\-----

“It’s been ages since we did this!” Soya exclaimed as Ayeon sat down across from her at a lunch spot not too far from the precinct.

Her mood had hit a high when she walked out of therapy earlier. It wasn’t necessarily because there was a massive breakthrough that enlightened her on her repressed emotions and set everything right, but it wasn’t a train wreck either. She told Dr. Lee about her day, they shared small talk, nothing too probing or personal and set a time for next week.

She liked the good doctor and although she knew that she couldn’t keep dodging her emotions forever, she felt good for making a start. Taking a step. Maybe it wasn’t going to be all that bad, maybe this would help.

Ayeon hummed and knocked her boot against Soya’s heel, “I know. I haven’t seen you in a while. Feels like ages.”

“How did therapy go?” She asked.

Ayeon nodded, “Good start, we’ll how it goes from here. I like her.”

“Dr. Kim? Oh yeah, I went to her for a while after the…you know.” Soya’s smile faltered a second before it brightened up, “She was fantastic. I’m so happy for you!”

“Ugh, I’ve missed you.” Ayeon crooned. No one was quite as sunny the way Soya was. 

“Last time I saw you, it was at Jaehyun’s apartment.” Soya said evenly.

Ayeon’s smile simmered, “Yeah…feels like forever.”

“Oh, hon, I’m sorry. I need to apologize.” She said gently, “I’ve been an awful friend.”

Ayeon’s eyes widened, “Wait what? What are you talking about? No, you haven’t!”

“But I have, I’m been so… _judge-y_ about Jaehyun. I shouldn’t have made you feel so weird about someone you’re getting to know.” She said gently. “And especially because it’s going so well.”

She smiled gently and scrunched her nose, “I’m not _getting to know_ anyone.”

“Oh, lying doesn’t suit you. It clashes with your hair.” Soya snorted, “You were at his house right after the bank thing.”

Ayeon gave her a look, “So?”

“So? So, you would’ve never wanted anyone near you after something happened where you needed to deal with how you feel. You would’ve locked yourself away and waited until you figured yourself out before seeing people.” Soya tutted as she flipped the menu open, scanning it over with her eyes.

Ayeon stared down at the tablecloth, processing what Soya was saying, “I guess you’re right.”

“I know I’m right. Listen, I know how hard it is for you to open up and trust people, so I’m supportive of you and Jaehyun becoming friends.” Soya set her menu down and flipped her hair, “Frankly, that’s what sort of won me over.”

“What do you mean?”

“Seeing you at his apartment struggling to cut your meat while watching the news was just so cute and amicable. I realized that in some way, you trusted him, and he made you feel safe enough that you could be like that.” She said as she glanced at her phone. “Anyone who makes you feel like that, anyone who you open up to, is someone whose side I’m on.”

Ayeon frowned, “Why did you need to warm up to him in the first place? I know that Jinah kinda knows him, how do you?”

“Through Jinah.” She said curtly.

That wasn’t enough for Ayeon but she didn’t pry, it made her antsy. Part of her didn’t want to know the truth, she didn’t want whatever she had with Jaehyun to be made complicated. If she had to play dumb just to hold onto it, then she would.

And she didn’t need to bother herself with the question of why it mattered so much to preserve their…whatever it was.

\-----

“Ready to go?” Jaehyun asked when Ayeon walked up, bracing the cold.

Ayeon’s shoulders were up to her ears, “Where exactly _are_ we going?”

He handed her a bouquet of dual toned roses wrapped in parchment, “Hang onto these, we’ll need them in a bit.”

She pursed her lips but chose to let him lead. They chatted along the way and she had to make sure that she didn’t blurt out questions about their destination. If he wanted to share, he would’ve. It wasn’t until they reached the towering black gates that she started to piece it together and every step racked up her heart rate.

They walked up the grassy knoll and stopped in front of a pretty white headstone, dusted in a thin layer of snow. Ayeon’s eyes widened as Jaehyun used his gloves to brush the snow away.

_Jung Haerin_

“Detective Yoo Ayeon, I’d like you to meet my baby sister, Jung Haerin.”

She couldn’t pull her eyes away at the beautiful script that spelled out how loved she was. Then, she couldn’t stop staring at the date of her lifespan. She was so young. She said nothing and just waited, and maybe he wanted her to prompt him, but she couldn’t find it in her to do so. She just waited.

Jaehyun bent over and set the flowers against her headstone before clasping his gloved hands together, “She went missing 5 years ago today, she was only 16 years od. She told us she was going to be out late but didn’t come home at all. We spent all night looking for her, went to all the places she would normally go, malls, parks, her friend’s house but none of them knew where she was. Her friends had parted ways at the bus stop, but it wasn’t more than 20 minutes away from our house. Four days later they found her body by the lake, my parents were immobilized with grief, but I came out to the countryside where they found her. I asked around, tried to make sense of it but nothing came of it, I even had a lead, but it just fell through. That’s when the grief finally hit me, I realized I was never going to learn what happened to her and even if I did, it wouldn’t bring her back. It wouldn’t make it easier to swallow.”

Her emotions were bubbling up, no, not bubbling. They were boiling up, but she couldn’t describe them, she couldn’t tell what he wanted her to feel. What was appropriate, so she just did what she knew how to do. She spoke like a detective. “How did they rule it?”

“Inconclusive but they heavily favoured that it was an accident, that she slipped on the rocks and hit her head.” He could feel his body next to her despite not touching, she could feel it go rigid as he divulged the gory details.

“Fucking hell. I’m so sorry.” She hissed out.

He let out a breath that escaped his lips like smoke, “Yeah…so am I.”

“What was she like?” She asked carefully.

His dimpled smile was back, “A crack up. She was smart as a whip and witty as hell. She was observant, she loved studying and learning and asking questions.”

She clenched her fingers with an itch to grab onto the smile and keep it, “Tell me one interesting fact about her.”

He slipped his hands into his pockets, “She wanted to be a judge when she grew up.”

“Holy high achiever.”

His body started to relax, “She also wanted to be a photographer, so I don’t really know which end of the spectrum she was going to land.”

“A woman of many talents.” She twitched, wanting to touch him but not sure how to.

His smile wavered, “She was a girl. A teen. She never got the chance to become a wo—”

Her eyes widened when his voice cracked and coated in tears and his body started to quake. A volcano ready to explode with pain and burden that you never fully recover from, that lingers over your head every time second, you’re alive because it’s a second that person you love the most will never get.

“2 truths and a lie. You first.” She murmured.

He let out a breathy laugh before his smile shriveled into a grimace, “One, being here makes me feel like there’s a hole in my heart. Two, I don’t feel like I’ve betrayed my sister by giving up on her finding out what happened to her. And three, I could really, _really_ use a hug right now.”

“God, I hope I picked out the lie, correctly.” Ayeon whispered before pulling on his hand, bringing him towards her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He sighed and pressed his nose against her shoulder, letting his eyes droop shut.

She tightened her hold, her fingers running gently through his hair

“How do I make the hurting stop?” He whispered while shivering.

She ran her nails against his scalp, “I don’t know. I don’t think you can, but you can stop telling yourself you betrayed her. She would be _so_ annoyed if she saw you doing this to yourself, I was a sixteen-year-old girl once, so I know.”

He laughed before groaning, “It’s been 5 years.”

“Oh, shut up, she’s your sister, you get a free pass on mourning.” She mumbled against his ear, causing him to pull her closer. “You’re doing so well.”

“You’ve been to therapy one day, huh?” He teased while pulling away, hands still on her waist.

She grinned, still thumbing the hair on the back of his neck, “I’m a master at it.”

“Thank you, for coming today.” He said as his face grew serious.

Her lips lifted, “Thanks for inviting me. It was nice to meet Haerin.”

He let his hands drop from her waist before turning back to the headstone, she left her palm on the back of his neck and waited as he collected his thoughts, “I’ll visit on new years, Hae. Stay warm.”

He nodded at Ayeon, his eyes still glazed over, “Ready to go?”

She opened her mouth prepared with an answer but hesitated as she stared at his face, suddenly intimidated. She averted her eyes and tucked her hands away, “Can I have a minute?”

“With her?” He asked dubiously.

She gave him an awkward smile, “If that’s okay.”

“Of course, it is. I’ll be by the entrance.” He said while walking away.

Once he was out of earshot, she crouched by Haerin’s headstone and hugged her knees, “I’m going to find out what really happened to you. It was lovely meeting you, Haerin. Happy holidays.”

\------

He couldn’t look away.

To be fair, he gave her enough space so that he couldn’t hear what she was saying but he couldn’t stop looking. The way her dark hair fell over her shoulder in waves with snowflakes settling on top like stars in the sky, it was something that no one could look away from, in his defense. 

His heart did something new just seeing them together, it was almost like Ayeon was a part of his life just like Haerin was. He didn't like sharing Haerin with other people, especially after the entire world had seen every photo of her to ever exist, but when Ayeon asked, it seemed obvious to bring her here. His sister _had_ to meet her. She always complained that Jaehyun didn't have enough female friends. And Ayeon, she was as much of a friend as he could get. She was this sturdy rock with a smile that could kill and a bitterness that woke him up on tired mornings. He had no expectations of her yet he knew she could never let him down. It was itching past attraction and into something much more foreign. Much more unexpected. 

He watched her stand, dusting the snow off her pants before she made her way to him. She walked with purpose and grace, someone with authority. He knew he needed to stop noticing such minor things about her, but she made them stand out. Sometimes he’d wonder about obscene things, ever since that text, he imagined what it was like to curl up in bed with her, waking up on cold mornings just surviving off the heat of each other. But it was all theoretical imagining. It wasn’t practical nor realistic, it was just somewhere his mind would go when he had a moment of reprieve. Which wasn’t often. 

“I’m ready to go.” She said with a smile.

He quirked his brow and reached up, brushing some of the snow off her hair, “You know she can’t keep secrets from me, right?”

Ayeon scoffed, “Oh, you must be new. Girl bonds trump blood bonds times a million.”

He rolled his eyes with a smile and headed to the car. She let him walk ahead of her, but her eyes stayed on his hand, for the first time taking in how large it was, lined with veins. It looked so welcoming, and gentle, a hand that made a living by delicately handling smooth, soft, fragile petals with expertise. Hands that seemed to know a thing or two. She reached out and pressed her palm against his, for no reason other than to indulge in the feeling the warmth on her skin. It was mind-numbing.

She held her breath, her heart racing when his footsteps stuttered as he looked down at their hands, trying to make sense of her abrupt action. Instead of looking at her, or questioning her, he just shifted his hand so that his fingers slipped through hers and held on tight before continuing walking. She widened her gait and fell in step with him, neither of them addressed their hands gripping each other as they swung them back and forth, basking in the comfort and security that came with someone holding your hand.

It felt like someone was holding onto _you._ ****


	13. snapdragons

His hands were a work of art, she determined.

Ever since she held his hand, she couldn’t stop staring at his hands, whatever they were doing. Scribbling down orders? Putting together arrangements? Pouring tea? Every single time they moved, her eyes would track them in morbid curiosity.

She could still feel the softness against her skin and confidence in his grasp.

A masterpiece.

She frowned and stared at her own palms, they weren’t as interesting. They exude any sort of feeling in the way that Jaehyun’s did. Sighing, she returned her gaze back at Jaehyun’s hands as he fiddled with the leaves on an arrangement.

Jaehyun, however, felt quite differently when it came to Ayeon’s hands. He had worked with some of the richest and most silken petals in the world and Ayeon’s hands were like nothing he had touched before. They were rough, as expected from a detective, but her touch was gentle and coaxing. Maybe it sounded absurd, but her hands felt like those of someone who had been through life. 

She had decided to change it up and dragged the stool out from the back and set it up next to Jaehyun, taking up a small portion of his counter for her laptop. Jaehyun working and humming was the soft background noise that she needed. He had to force himself to steady his hand when he felt her gaze on him. It was dizzying when she was seated so close to him. It seemed she was getting no work done because he could feel her staring the entire time. She finally looked away when her phone buzzed and he let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

Glancing sideways, he watched her expression sour, “Are you okay?”

“That journalist is up my ass, again.” She muttered.

He dried his hands and moved closer to her, “Let me see.”

She handed him her phone and studied her messages, scrolling through the increasingly frantic tone. When his brows knit together in thought, she sat up straight, “Wait, what? Where’s the automatic brush-off?”

He chewed on his lip, “This might sound insane, but I think you should meet with her.”

“What?!” She scoffed.

“I don’t know, maybe you’re right, she could just be doing whatever it takes to ambush you with an interview, but I don’t know. I feel like by now, she would’ve switched tactics if she wanted to get to you. But she’s so persistent. Set some boundaries and go meet her, if she’s full of gas then walk out.” He suggested as he handed back her phone.

She pursed her lips and read the message again.

**Just meet with me once. Please.**

“Tell her that everything is off the record.” He added.

She tucked her phone away, “I don’t know, maybe. I just don’t feel right about it.”

“Well, if all else fails, trust your intuition.” He offered.

What a joke. Her intuition was shit lately. “You know, eventually I have to go back to working out of the precinct. There’s only so much paperwork I can be saddled with.”

“Well, even after you go back, you’re always welcome here.”

She rolled her eyes, “Don’t go trying to get rid of me yet.”

“Let me make you dinner.” He said suddenly.

She flinched at that same, nearly sickening, feeling that grew in her gut every time he looked at her that way and spoke in that tone. It was laddered with a type of affection and vulnerability that left her a little speechless.

“Again? I thought I said enough with the domesticity.” She grumbled. 

His smile grew and she almost gagged at the warmth. It was just so pure, “One more time.”

Her eyes zeroed in on his smile and felt unsettled. It didn’t make sense to her why he seemed to invest so much time in her, why he tried so hard to win her favour. It was beyond her comprehension why he smiled so damn much at her. He did it all day. Did he _ever_ let his face relax?

“Why?” She asked.

His smile wavered and it immediately caught her attention, “I just like being around you.”

And he was telling the truth. Perhaps he didn’t have to indulge the panic of having to be alone that had recently boxed him in.

“I don’t think that’s a good enough reason.” She fired back.

His smile was back, “It is for me. So? After work?”

She narrowed her eyes but the ringing of her phone pulled her away from him. She scanned Jinah’s name before standing. “I have to go in, Jinah’s calling.”

“So, dinner?”

She packed her belongings up and walked to the door. She leaned her back against the handle and caught his gaze, “I don’t like tofu.”

\-----

“You rang, ma’am.”

Jinah rolled her eyes and kicked the chair out from the other side of her desk, “Cute. Sit.”

“What’s up.”

“You need to deal with her.” Jinah said while slapping a flyer down.

She gaped at the flyer of Mina’s podcast, it was the same one she had waved in her face when she first met her except this one was a little different. This one had a date on it. For next week.

“This doesn’t make sense. She’s releasing it? She barely has anything recorded.” Ayeon scoffed.

Jinah shrugged, “I have no idea, her boss called, kicking up a fuss. You need to call her and find out what the hell she has.”

Mina’s panicked texts flashed in her mind. Maybe Jaehyun and Jinah were right, maybe she did need to know what Mina was hoarding over her.

“I’ll take care of it.”

Jinah nodded and stared at her computer screen before looking back at Ayeon, “How are you? I feel like we haven’t really gotten a chance to talk.”

“I’m keeping busy. Therapy is fine and I’ll be ready to come back to work soon.” Ayeon said.

Jinah shook her head, “Not as your boss, as your friend.”

“I’d give you the same update.” Ayeon said with a smile.

She didn’t look entirely sold, “How’s the butterfly challenge going?”

The look on Ayeon’s face made Jinah laugh, “You’ve completely forgotten.”

“I don’t know, it just didn’t feel like it was helping. Sorry.” She said quietly.

Jinah gulped, she wished she could just hug the pain out of her friend, “Don’t apologize, it wasn’t much of an idea anyway. She likes doing fads like this all the time. And you’ve been getting along with Jaehyun?”

Is that what it was? The sometimes sickening feeling she’d get every time he’d smile, touch her, tell her absurd facts about flowers or offer to make her dinner? Getting along?

“Sure.” She said curtly.

That was enough for Jinah to get her smiling brightly, “I’m glad.”

"You two are friends or something." This time Ayeon didn't ask a question.

Jinah's smile didn't falter or tighten. Instead, she tapped her finger against the flyer, "Handle it, please." 

She sighed, rolling her eyes and grabbing the flyer before walking away. She didn't want to overthink, she didn't want to ask herself why Jinah kept dodging questions about Jaehyun and she didn't want to think about how she didn't want to ask Jaehyun about it. Shaking it off, Ayeon climbed up the back stairs that led up to the roof. She didn’t bother coming up here often, but whenever she needed privacy, especially to make phone calls, it was the only place without someone to interrupt her.

She wiggled the door up, surprised that it opened so easily, before walking out. The December air was frigid, a light dusting of snow reminding her that Christmas was only a week or so away. Watching her feet and tightening her jacket around her, she pulled out her phone and began to search up Mina’s blocked number.

Then she paused, frowning when she heard…crying?

She lifted her head and followed the sound until she spotted a uniformed officer curled up, pressing his head against his knees as he sobbed. She looked around at a loss, hoping that some sort of fairy counselor would descend from the sky and deal with this for her.

Instead, she crept forward, she narrowed her eyes and tried to recall his name.

_Dae-something._

She couldn’t remember the name, but she did remember the face. He was one of the only people who treated her with a touch of respect. He wasn’t exactly her emergency contact, but he smiled at her when she walked up, said good morning and would attempt to engage in small talk.

“Hey…”

He snapped his head up, his eyes wide in shock, tears, and snot streaming down his face, “Oh my god. Detective Yoo. This is so embarrassing. I’m so sorry, is this your space? I didn’t mean to com—”

“It’s fine…um…are you okay?”

He wiped his face, “Yeah, yeah. I’m totally fine. I uh thought no one comes up here.”

“They don’t typically. Usually, it’s just me.” She said while scratching the back of her neck.

He stood abruptly, “I’ll leave.”

“No!” She exclaimed, “You can stay, but only if you tell me why you’re crying… you know, if you want.”

He shifted awkwardly on his feet, “Just some people here are being assholes.”

“You’ve worked here for years, haven’t you?” She asked quizzically.

He nodded, “Yeah, this is my 4th year.”

“Wow.” She said with a weak laugh. When he didn’t laugh back, she cleared her throat, “So, it’s not hazing.”

“No, it’s been…bad since Lucas died.” He said quietly.

Her eyes widened.

 _Oh_.

She never stopped to consider that she wasn’t the only one being attacked and outcasted by the precinct because of Lucas and that other people didn't have the luxury to hide out across the street.

“Why?”

He shrugged and ducked his head, “I think it’s because I didn’t think it was your fault.”

Her eyes widened and felt a numbness grow in her throat, “Really? But…why?”

“It just didn’t make sense. You were only doing your job.” He said softly.

The numbness grew and an alarming itch behind her eyes snapped her out of it, “What exactly have people been doing to you?”

He looked away, “Just freezing me out, hiding my stuff… you know, grade school stuff.”

It wasn’t much different than what they did to her, except they were willing to risk her life for it, “What about your partner?”

His lips twitched, “He’s been okay. Changsoo. He agreed with me but because he’s never said anything to the other guys, they’ve laid off of him. I feel bad because he’s been getting the cold shoulder too.”

She wanted to scream. Where the fuck was she working that grown adults were acting like this? How were people getting bullied?

“Well, I’m sorry…” She glanced at his name tag, “Daemin. I’m sorry you’re being treated like that and over something that isn’t even your fault. I could talk to Jinah abou—”

“No! Please! That’s just going to make things worse.” He muttered before slowly crouching down and hugging his knees.

He had to be her age, maybe even older, but he was looking like a child.

She knelt down next to him, hugging her own knees, “You know, Lucas once told me that cops are as powerful as the truths they tell. That if they believe that they’re doing the right thing and if they truly are protecting and serving the public, then they must stand up for what they believe.”

Daemin stared at her with a look she couldn’t quite decipher, “Wow, he really said that?”

“I know right?” She smiled to herself, she used to think that Lucas talked out of his ass, but looking back, maybe it was his legacy. One of justice and righteousness. That was an admirable way to be remembered.

“Did he ever say anything else? Anything you remember him by?” He asked, his tone encroaching on emotional.

She let out a breath and said the first honest thing about Lucas’s death since she had spoken to Jaehyun, “Yeah, a lot. But sometimes I feel like I’ve forgotten it all.”

“Maybe it’s for the best.” He offered.

She squeezed her knees tighter and stared off at the sky, “Maybe.”

\-----

After an awkward silence and an even awkward-er pat on the back, she sent Daemin off with a reminder that she was there if he ever needed someone to talk to. The entire interaction was so emotionally draining that she put off calling Mina until after she regained the energy to deal with someone like her.

Instead, she found herself walking back out to Jaehyun’s shop, surprised to see him locking up from the outside. “Hi.”

He turned and smiled in a way that made her feel like she was being scammed, “Evening, detective.”

“I was promised dinner.”

He stepped closer to her and the sickening churn was back. Out of his store, she noticed that he didn’t smell like flowers at all. He smelled like fresh cotton. “You were. But I need ingredients and since you’re here, why not join me?”

“Why does it sound like I have to do work for a dinner that was _offered_ to me?”

His smile just grew because even though she sounded bitter, she took the reusable grocery bag out of his hands and started walking towards the nearest supermarket. He let himself have a moment to just watch her, the snow in her hair and the confidence in her stride that only ever faltered when she crossed a patch of ice.

There was something so natural with her being around him.

And maybe the idea of her not coming into his shop every day sort of freaked him out, but he was glad that she was here now, and that no matter how grumpy she acted, she seemed to like being there too.

\-----

“I didn’t lie when I said I hated tofu.” Ayeon said as she watched him scan the refrigerated aisle. "The texture is beyond me."

The entire thing was so absurd, she leaned her body against the cart and just followed behind Jaehyun who seemed to know exactly what was needed.

“Noted. But we need eggs.” He mumbled to himself, deep in thought. He kept referring to a list on his phone that he didn't let her see.

She pursed her lips, “Why do we need eggs? You’re making me dinner, not breakfast.”

“I can make you breakfast, detective. Just say the word.” He said without looking back at her.

She just stared at the back of his head and failed to stop herself from imagining what it would be like to stand in his kitchen and stare at the back of his head while he made her eggs. Her mouth dried and she turned her gaze to the cart when he came back with a carton of eggs.

“Why do we need so much?” She muttered.

He placed the eggs down and avoided her question, “We need bread.”

She didn’t even bother arguing and let him lead them to the bread section where he fussed with different kinds. Bread, eggs, cheese, assorted fruits, milk and that wasn’t even half of it. She couldn’t even imagine what he was planning on making her because as of now it just looked like he was running erra-

“Wait a minute.” She breathed out in realization just as he walked up with the bread. “This isn’t for dinner."

“You said I could take you grocery shopping to fill your sad fridge if I managed to ambush you.” He said defensively.

Her jaw dropped as she stared up at him, at a total loss, “I can’t believe you.”

He hummed, all too pleased with himself as he continued to chuck things into the cart. She just trailed behind him in a stunned daze, “Oh my god, am I even going to get dinner?”

“Of course, detective. Think of this as an added bonus.” He didn’t know where the extra burst of energy came from, but he was sure it was finally being able to catch Ayeon off guard. She had a wondrous nature about her, the curve of her nose and the rare twitch of her lips when she smiled, sometimes his vision would blur. He couldn't decipher why he kept trying to pull her in.

“I can’t believe you’re doing my groceries.” She groaned in embarrassment. “I’m a fully functioning adult.”

He snorted, “We can’t be too sure about that now, can we?”

She acted before she could think and shoved his arm, making him laugh. Her eyes landed on his mouth, watching his dimple grow. Maybe it wasn't just his hands that were a masterpiece. 

“Ayeon?”

She turned at the sound of her name and froze at the familiar face, “Auntie.”

“Oh, I thought it was you! Look at you! I haven’t seen you in years!”

Jaehyun’s laughter died as he watched Ayeon’s face look like she had fallen into a trance. He had tuned out of their conversation, just watching Ayeon nod at whatever her aunt was saying while her eyes darted around nervously.

Like she was waiting to be attacked.

“How’s your father?”

Her vision tunneled and it was like her soul left her body and was watching from the ceiling. There it was.

“Good.” Her voice scratched out of her throat in a nasty rasp. She let out a cough and cleared her throat, “He’s better.”

Her aunt’s face stayed pinched in concern and it made Ayeon want to scream at the top of her lungs. _He doesn’t deserve your concern. He’s a monster._ “Have you visited him? I feel like I never see you at the hospital.”

_Oh._

_That’s why you’re concerned. You spend everyday by his foot._

“I have,” She said quickly, she’d do anything to eject from this conversation, “I just came from the hospital.”

Jaehyun gaped at her blatant lie, she didn’t seem like the type to lie without reason. Her aunt looked hesitant, “Really? I was just there this morning. I don’t think I saw you.”

Something switched in Ayeon, her jaw tensed, and her eyes froze over, “I was there.” She hissed out.

“O-Oh, okay. Well, maybe next time I’ll be able to see you. We should catch up. How’s your mom?”

Ayeon’s body locked up when she caught the little smirk that twitched her aunt’s mouth. Jaehyun caught it from a mile, like a cat priming to launch at a mouse, Ayeon muscles readied. He winced, waiting for the hell that was building and was about to unleash.

But instead, she smiled.

“She’s travelling the world. Happier than ever.”

_Kill them with kindness, they say._

The bitterness was more evident in her aunt’s face, “While your father’s recovering from a stroke.”

Ayeon tilted her head, a graceful smile just growing, “Karma works in mystical ways.”

The horror and disgust was painted clear as day as her aunt huffed and shuffled away, not before shooting her one last look. The minute she was gone, her smile crumbled and was replaced with a vacant look. She let go of the cart and took a step back. Jaehyun glanced her eyes, his lips parting when he took in her paling face and trembling hands.

“Det—”

She took off.

She ran, ignoring the curious gaze of the customers she blew past until she was out the door and cutting through the parking lot, dodging past cars and racing across the street onto a desolate side walk.

Her eyes burned as the acid keep forcing its way out of her. She felt like she was having a heart attack, she could hear the dull thudding against her rib cage. No matter how hard she tried, she kept gagging and her body was draining itself of every last bit of sanity and strength she had left. Her body was crashing on her, like a virus shutting down a computer. Ragged and frantic gasps of air accented her vomit, and she felt like screaming. She swore she could taste blood, like someone was dragging nails down her trachea.

She felt a palm gently stroking down her back and immediately she knew who it was, but she still angrily shoved him away, humiliation and frustration flushing through her. How weak was she that the mere mention of him sent her spiralling? And in front of Jaehyun no less.

She didn’t know how much time passed but she had finally felt her stomach settle and her heart slow to a normal pace. She felt her knees give way and she collapsed on the side of the street, holding her head in her hands as the world stopped spinning around her.

“Take it.”

She lifted her head and stared at the icy bottle of water being held out in front of her. She grabbed it out of his hands and washed her mouth out before holding the bottle against her forehead. Silence ticked by until she felt cold fingers brush the back of her neck gently.

His touch would normally be welcomed and unconsciously leaned towards, but the humiliation had felt so vile that she roughly pushed his hand away again. She didn’t want him to touch her and definitely didn’t want him watching her total break down. She couldn't control it, she couldn't stop herself and he had witnessed it all.

Jaehyun could only watch helplessly as she steeled over, figuratively backing away from him.

“Ayeon.” He whispered her name and she turned away, fighting off the shame and disappointment that clawed its way through her. She struggled to stand but once she was upright, she fisted her hands and tried to walk away when Jaehyun touched her elbow.

“Hey, you didn’t eat all day, you can’t be okay after that. You need fluids, a lot of them.” He spoke to her so softly, it grabbed her throat. It was so understanding, compassionate and patient. It made the sickness crawl back up. 

She ripped her arm away even though his grip on it was weak, “I can take care of myself.”

Confusion pinched his face before he darted around her, catching her eye, “I know you can. But your fridge is abysmal, remember? Why don’t you come over, I already promised you dinner, but we can make it a soup dinner.”

He reached his hand out in habit but stopped himself from touching, inches from her face. Her eyes stared at his hand, the hand that she had fixated on for the last couple of days. Suddenly, the previous repulsion was replaced with longing, for him to know her past, to stand next to her as she licked her wounds and touch her with those hands.

Fuck.

She wanted to laugh at how much of a mess she had become. She hated her father, she hated that she could never shake the desperation that fueled her need for his approval, and his love. She hated that she knew he wasn’t worth it but still cared.

She stepped towards him, his took in a sharp breath before gently resting his hand against her cheek, “I’ve got you, detective.”

“I only want soup.” She muttered, her gaze cutting to the left.

His eyes trailed over her face, “How’s therapy?”

She sighed and nodded, “I’m going before dinner.”

“Then yeah, only soup...maybe some tea.”

\-----

She wished that touching her cheek was all she needed to feel better, but she wasn’t a fool.

She had been going to therapy regularly, but she knew Dr. Lee was waiting for something, _anything_ to latch onto. Ayeon was proud at how carefully she navigated through her sessions with Dr. Lee, she made sure to use passive language, she never revealed anything that ever had a profound effect on her and she _definitely_ stayed away from talking about her childhood.

Her childhood was like therapist cat nip.

But it was different now.

Now she actually _needed_ someone to talk to. Now she had feelings she couldn’t avoid facing.

Dr. Lee greeted her with a smile and could already tell something was going to happen just based on the look in Ayeon’s eyes. She never got close to any of her patients, it wasn’t ethical, but she had a weakness for Ayeon. She was someone who acted like everything was okay but desperately wanted help, she wanted someone to pat her soothingly on the back and tell her she was doing just fine.

She needed her parents.

But Ayeon never touched her life before she was 20.

“How are you?” She asked as she picked up her notepad.

Ayeon nodded vaguely before staring at the fake mini waterfall on the table. “I was actually wondering if we could talk about something different today.”

Not the weather.

Not her friends who were always doing fine.

Not her job which was equally going fine.

Something different.

“Of course.” Dr. Lee said. “Anything you want.”

“I want to talk about my dad.”


	14. honeysuckles

_I should start by saying that my father loved my mom._

_There is no question, no doubt, no debate._

_He loved her more than life itself and I have come to the understanding that his love for her was his detriment._

_My father is an English professor, currently on leave because of his deteriorating health. He is a brilliant man, his IQ is 170 and he dedicated his life to three things: Literature, his career, and my mother._

_My mom was a ballet dancer, that was_ her _one true love. She never lent her time to anything else before she met my father. She was a woman destined for greatness if she didn’t have the misfortune that is my father._

_Because my father didn’t share a normal type of love. He had an all-consuming type of love that demanded every piece of her being._

_They met at school, he tutored her in English and it wasn’t soon after that they started seeing each other. I never knew what convinced her to give him a chance but that was the first day of the end of her life. My mom thought it was harmless at first when he would convince her to miss dance practice to be with him, when he would make bitter comments about ballet, her weight and how much time she spent dedicated to her craft. Eventually, after she graduated, he convinced her to quit, apparently, her coach begged her to continue dancing for months but she no longer had a say._

_It wasn’t until they married that she realized her mistake and it wasn’t until I came along that she realized she couldn’t escape._

_He told her what to do, how to act, how to dress, she had to be on par with someone with his intellect. I learned from these stories that narcissists cannot love, they can only control. My mom gave up so much to support his career because he thought his was more important, more valued and she was just a silly dancer prancing frivolously across a stage. He needed her to worship him I think because he knew she didn’t love him._

_Which is why I became a problem._

_Suddenly, there was this person that my mom loved more than she ever loved him. He hated me from the start although I didn't know that until much later, I was never good enough, never smart enough, never talented enough, I was never enough, so he didn’t understand why my mom kept loving me._

_It was like you needed to earn his love, he wouldn’t just give it to you, even if you were his only child._

_Which was funny, because I never felt like his child. I felt like his wife’s daughter that was living with a stranger._

_My mom took me to ballet lessons behind my father’s back. I think she saw ballet as a respite, it was her way of rebelling and her way of getting me away from my father’s disapproval._

_And I was_ good _._

_I didn’t know it then, but my mom showed me some videos once I got older and I danced liked I was trained for decades. I could’ve had a future in it, but then my dad found out. I know what you’re thinking, that he forbade me from ever attending, that he punished my mom for lying to him, that I never picked up a pair of ballet flats ever again._

_Nope._

_He broke my spirit another way._

_He became involved._

_He would force me to train every waking minute, I would practice my pointe until my nails were blue and I couldn’t walk. He drained the joy out of something I once loved. If I didn’t do a proper rotation or stumbled in a routine, I’d have to do it 5 more times and if I messed up again it would 10 times. He monitored my diet to make sure I never gained a pound, dancers had to be agile, that’s what he thought. If I snuck a candy bar, I wouldn’t get dinner and go to bed starving. If I cried in pain, no lunch._

_I learned that to survive, I had to steel my emotions up, stop him from ever seeing. If he saw me cry, or frown, or smile he’d have something to say. Something to break my soul and drain my energy, until I hated it. Until I was conditioned to respond to everything with a blank stare and terse nod. I would count to 10, count to ten and force myself to press down every emotion until it was a flattened surface. Soon, the sight of my flats and leotard made me nauseous._

_My mom would cry, asking him to let me have a break, to let me eat, but he wouldn’t budge, not even for her. She loved me so much and had threatened to leave him so many times, but he would say, in that chillingly rational and calm voice, who a judge would give custody to. A cherished member of the community and an upstanding University English professor or an unemployed failed dancer who no one ever really got to know well. She would immediately back down._

_She never admitted it, but I knew that the only reason she didn’t leave was because she couldn’t let him have me. I was his leverage, the only time he found me useful._

_Then it blew up when I was at my first recital._

_I was 16 and had practiced for over a hundred hours, I barely slept. My mom would sit on my bed and I would dance flawlessly in front of her. I was ready, and it was so much better knowing that my dad was in Tokyo for a conference and wouldn’t be able to come._

_We were so excited._

_I stood up there, the spotlight on me, and unlike a normal kid, I was_ elated _to see that empty chair beside my mom. It started so well, not a single missed beat, I landed the jumps that I struggled with, the audience was enchanted into a silence. For a minute, I felt like I was flying, I remembered what it was like to enjoy dancing._

_I paused, a silent beat before the music would change into the second movement when I saw him enter through the back doors. He had somehow come back early from Tokyo just to see me. I looked at my mom and I could see the confusion on her face as her smile faded when she saw the fear in my eyes._

_Then he sat down._

_It was like my brain shut off._

_Over a hundred hours and I couldn’t remember a single step._

_I just froze._

_The audience started whispering in confusion as the music continued to play and eventually the stage lights dimmed, and my dance teacher ushered me off stage. When the next song started up, the anger started to grow in me. Anger I had learned so well to push down._

_He ruined it._

_He ruins everything._

_I went to the little room that was a makeshift hair and makeup space and they were there waiting for me. My mom tried to look happy and supportive, but I recognized the tense shoulders, perfect posture, and pained eyes._

_I can’t remember what my dad said, sometimes I lay awake at night trying to remember what it was, what triggered such anger that I was able to keep contained all this time, but it never comes to me. I just remember how I reacted. I was sitting on the chair, untying my flats, I did the right while my mom helped with the left, he said_ something, _and I snapped._

_Years of suppressing emotion around him that I had learned to suppress it around everyone just broke free. I screamed at the top of my lungs and whipped my flat at his face, hitting him. I yelled at him, that it was his fault, that I hated him, that I wish he would die and leave me and mom alone. I think, what I didn't realize then, was that I wasn't mad that he got involved in my dancing, I was mad that no matter what I did, he was never happy, he was never proud, he never loved me. And that's what I wanted the most in the world, I wanted him to love me, even when I hated him. I needed his approval, sometimes I still do, because everywhere else, parental love was unconditional, so why wasn't my father's?_

_He didn’t flinch, he didn’t yell back, he didn’t frown, but he did do something he had never done before._

_He slapped me._

_Told me that blaming others for your own failures was pathetic and didn't make you smarter._

_It hurt so much but I wasn't scared, I was happy, because he had finally done something wrong._

_That was the last straw for my mom._

_I learned a lot about her that day. I learned that she had been visiting a divorce lawyer behind my father’s back. She was building her case, strategizing the best way for her to leave and take me with her. Turned out that the lawyer was the mother of one of the girls in my ballet class._

_My mom slapped my dad back and in a voice I had never heard, she said that if he dared to lay a hand on me again, she would end him. At the time I didn't know what that meant, but I knew she meant it. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out in my bare feet. It was disorienting, I was shoved into a car I didn’t recognize driven by a woman with a kind smile who offered me a pair of flip-flops and a sweater. Her daughter was next to me, also in her leotard and just stared at me before frowning and hugging me._

_I had never spoken to her in class before but she hugged me like she knew what I needed most._

_That’s how I met Soya._

_And that’s the day my mom left my dad._

_And that’s why I am the way that I am._

_I don’t know any other way to be._

\-----

Dr. Lee had stopped writing a while ago.

She just stared. “Ayeon.”

“So, that’s that.” She whispered as she stared resentfully at the patch of carpeting that was faded.

Dr. Lee looked at her note pad and just stared at the 3 words she managed to write before she had given up.

Mom

Father*

Toxic

Typically, she could see a breakthrough coming, she would see the foundation laid and the little safe house she would build with her clients within which they’d share sensitive topics. Ayeon’s house barely had the cement down but she was already sitting inside.

She looked back up at Ayeon, wishing she could just hug the girl. Millions of thoughts were running through her mind, the psychiatrist in her wanting to speak about trauma, learning to let go and embracing emotions.

But Ayeon didn’t need someone to tell her the correct textbook way to do things. She needed someone to tell her how to do the smaller things.

“I think you should take a self-care day.”

Ayeon lifted her gaze and stared at the doctor incredulously, “What?”

“Go home, Ayeon. Turn on some jazz, pop a bottle of wine, call your friends over. Treat yourself, be proud of what you’ve just done right now. Let your mind and body recover from finally opening up about your parents. Then come back and we can talk about this in more depth.” She said as she set her pen and notepad down.

“I like wine.” She replied dubiously.

She smiled, “And go do something you love, be with people who love you, who bring you joy. Pamper yourself, literally or emotionally. You deserve it.”

Ayeon nodded slowly but still battling the confusion. She made it to the door before turning back to face her, “I don’t know why my mom put up with so much. I don’t understand how she could love so much.”

She stood and met her halfway, “Ayeon, your mom didn’t think twice about it. She knew she loved you, she knew she had to protect you, so she did what she had to. When you love someone, you do whatever you can for that person. There is no science behind it. It’s just pure emotion.”

\-----

She didn’t know how she felt.

It wasn’t sadness, it wasn’t happiness, hell it wasn’t even anger.

It was nothing but still enough for her to notice a change.

The snow was coming down, a chilling reminder of Christmas coming around the corner. It’d be the first one she wouldn’t be spending with Soya and Jinah, although she’d probably stop by their place for breakfast.

She bounced from her feet to keep herself warm as she pressed her phone against her ear.

“Hi, detective.”

She closed her eyes and wanted to sigh as her body unwound, he spoke like a candle burning, “I’m downstairs.”

Her eyes opened just as Jaehyun came through the darkened back room to unlock the store door. He had changed into something more comfortable, sweater and sweatpants and she wondered if this is what Dr. Lee meant by emotional pampering, watching him smile the second his eyes landed on her.

“We’re closed, detective.”

She rolled her eyes with a half smile, “Shut up and let me in, it’s freezing.”

He stepped aside and she walked in, welcomed by the floral blanket that covered the store at all times. “I keep the shop cool when it’s closed so let’s go upstairs, it’s warmer.”

She hummed, not glancing at him, but still waiting for him to lock up. “Tell me something interesting.”

He didn’t want her to know how carefully he was watching her. He wanted to ask her if she was okay and if talking to her therapist helped at all. He was looking for any sign on her face, but she was a master at deflecting.

He followed her up the stairs, “The earliest evidence of soup was 6000 BCE and it was hippopotamus soup.”

“Does that mean soup made of a hippopotamus or for a hippopotamus?” She posited.

He hoped the sudden urge to joke was a good sign because holy hell he adored when she’d crack jokes in that flat tone of hers.

Ayeon stepped into his apartment and felt her heart squeeze at how wonderful his house smelled. Rich spice and vegetable wafted towards her with a strong graze of lemongrass. Strangely, it was exactly what she needed to smell.

His fingers grazed her arm quickly and she cut her gaze to hit his wishing he’d touch her again, more. “It needs to cook for a little longer, just grab a seat.”

She detoured from the couch and trailed behind him to the kitchen and took a seat by the counter next to Triple. She reached into her jacket, sneaking a treat to her ally before shucking her coat off.

“You’d think a bowl of soup would take less than 2 hours to make.” She quipped while biting on a piece of carrot.

He smiled as he stirred, “I’d like to see you try to make soup from scratch.”

“Touche.” She glanced at her phone, an email popped up.

_Done. It’ll be on your desk by morning. -Taeil_

Bless Jinah’s friends. She tucked it back in her pocket and leaned her forearms against the island, “What are you going to get me for Christmas?”

His smile grew, “I didn’t realize I had to get you anything.”

She narrowed her eyes at his back, “If I’m spending Christmas in your store, I deserve a present. I’m not even picking up a shift. You will actually have my undivided attention.”

He moved the pot off the stove and picked up two bowls, “What are you getting me?”

“My presence is enough for you.” She touted.

He didn’t know where the banter was coming from, but he wanted to latch onto it, savour it. “It might actually be too much.”

He turned and set the dishes down in front of her, but she just stared at him, fascinated by how he seemed to just be good at everything. He leaned forward, crossing his arms, “Don’t make me wait, detective.”

She pulled her gaze away and stared at the rich yellow soup before taking a tentative bite. Her eyes widened and looked at him, “Oh.”

That’s all he needed to hear. Smiling, he picked up his own spoon, “How’s your stomach?”

He watched her body lock up, before nodding, “Better.”

He believed her, he trusted that she wouldn’t have bothered pretending if it still hurt. If she was still hurting. He relaxed, oblivious to her turmoil until she spoke up.

“Thank you.”

He raised his brow, “Don’t mention it. I can make you dinner anytime, detective.”

“No.” She said softly, staring into her dish, “ _Thank you_.”

He blinked heavily thinking back to when he stood behind her, watching her gag from panic, set his spoon down, his voice lowering, “I was serious, detective. I’ve got you.”

“I’m bored!”

They both jolted in surprise and turned to lock eyes with a man who had swung Jaehyun’s door open, who looked equally shocked to see Ayeon.

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t know you had company.”

Jaehyun sighed tiredly before straightening up, “Taeyong, Ayeon, Ayeon, this is my friend Taeyong.”

She gulped and forced out a smile, panic creeping in. She didn’t have time to prepare herself mentally for meeting someone new. “Hi.”

Taeyong blinked before striding up to her and scanning her face, “My god, you’re gorgeous.”

“Oh! Um…that’s so nice…uh…”

“Don’t worry.” Jaehyun said softly, “He said the same thing to me when we first met.”

Taeyong tilted his head, he was dressed too nicely for Jaehyun to believe he was actually bored. Knowing his friend, he was probably on his way from a glamorous dinner with VIPs who told the most interesting stories. “I’d be even more pained to know that I interrupted a date.”

“Just sit down.” Jaehyun mumbled, grabbing another bowl.

Ayeon watched in awe as Taeyong’s face split into a charmingly beaming smile. He wore it so easily, just _smiling_. He lifted Triple and set him on the ground, much to the cat’s disapproval and took the seat next to her.

“It’s nice to meet you Ayeon, I’m Jaehyun’s friend, we go way back.”

She glanced at Jaehyun who seemed reluctantly happy as he set Taeyong’s plate in front of him. Okay, this was a real friend.

“Hi, I’m a new friend, we go a few months back.”

Taeyong smiled, pleased with her humour, “So, how do two gorgeous people such as yourselves meet?”

“I worked on the break-in at Jaehyun’s store.” It was the easiest way to describe their meeting.

Taeyong’s smile fell and he frowned, “Wait, you’re the cop. The detective. You did all that stuff for him.”

“Yeah.” She said awkwardly.

He looked over at Jaehyun before locking his attention to the soup. Jaehyun didn’t acknowledge Taeyong’s look, as if he missed the entire thing and just moved on, “So, what were you doing before you got _bored?_ ”

Taeyong lit up again, like a switch, “We had an idol group come in for a photoshoot for their next album. Good for me because I got paid to close the restaurant to the public and let them do whatever the hell they wanted.”

Jaehyun smiled at his friend, “You absolutely hate it.”

“It’s not even a group I listen to.” He said with a dramatic eye roll and a warm smile.

Ayeon’s own practiced smile fell and she felt her throat catch as she looked away. She wondered why she couldn’t do that. Why she couldn’t smile all the time and speak to people with an eased banter. Why did it tire her out when it looked so good on Jaehyun and Taeyong? When she smiled, it looked strained, even when she wanted it to look genuine. She didn’t want to feel like an alien pretending to be human to fool everyone.

She wondered how they were raised, Jaehyun had said that his family was one made of love before his sister died, maybe, even though his family grew apart, the love left a strong enough impact to guide him through life. She wondered if Taeyong had a similar upbringing of love, even for a portion.

She hoped not.

Because she’d like to think that even someone who didn’t, could still smile as brightly as someone who does.

\-----

Christmas.

Oh, joy to the world.

And extreme last-minute shoppers.

Jaehyun thought it would be a slow day, but unlike any year before, he had been wrapping flowers in parchment and twine all morning long. It was nice, some customers would bring in pastries or Christmas cards for him as a way to ease the guilt of making someone work on a holiday, but he enjoyed it.

It wasn’t until a little before noon that the store had fallen silent and he was able to sneak to the back to replenish stock. His moment of peace didn’t last long when the bell by his door rang out. Sighing, he stood, wincing at the soreness in his feet when he heard Triple mewl from the front.

His cat only made that sound at one other person.

He didn’t notice his heart race as he walked out to see Ayeon standing at the counter, pushing her sunglasses to the top of her head.

“Here.” She deadpanned as she dropped a square box, perfectly wrapped in festive golds and whites with a glittering bow.

His face was impassive except for the wide circles that had become of his eyes, “That’s for…”

“You.” She finished before looking away.

His face broke into a look of disbelief, what had happened to her presence being enough? “Why?”

It was a stupid question, he knew why, but it was the only question he could come up with. Sure, he had spent days creating a custom blend of tea for her, sure it was sitting in the back next to a cake he had also made, that complimented the tea to perfection.

But he didn’t want anything from her. She was right.

Her presence often was enough for him. 

She shrugged, “Ho ho ho or whatever.”

Uncertain, he pulled on the ribbon, undid the wrapping paper with the precision of someone who valued the little things far too much and lifted the lid. He peeled back the tissue paper to reveal a picture frame placed faced down.

He looked up at her but her back was facing him.

Nervous, he turned the frame around and stared at the picture.

It felt like his vision spun on its head and pure caffeine was shot through his veins. His knees buckled and he fell to the floor as he stared at the picture, he didn’t want to look away in case it was a mirage. It was an image he could see with his eyes closed and yet he stared at it like it was the first time ever seeing it. His eyes watered and his breaths came out in uneven gasps.

The sound made her turn and she blinked when he was nowhere to be seen. She walked around the counter and froze when she took in his state, crouched behind the counter. In a second, she was on her knees next to him.

“Did I fuck up?” She whispered. “Is that not the right one?”

He looked up at her, his hands shaking, “H-How did you get this?”

She stared at the picture of Haerin. The polaroid, to be exact. The polaroid of his sister that Jaehyun spent years trying to find.

She folded her hands in her lap, “I called some favours, got friends of friends to shift through unclaimed belongings of victims. It was a shot in the dark, you said she loved the way she looked so I thought she might have had it on her. Turns out that the quality was blurry, so no one knew it was her when they were sorting the belongings out. It was put in a Jane Doe box, luckily there weren’t a lot of polaroids, so a friend sent it to me. I compared it to the other pictures of her and it looked a lot like her.”

“I can’t believe you.” He whispered in awe. He couldn’t believe one single person existed like her.

Overwhelmed with emotion, he pressed the frame against his chest, right over his heart, with one hand and slipped his other into her hair and pulled her in for a hug. She was in shock when her nose was pressed against the curve of his neck, but she recovered and slipped her arms around him, basking in the rare moments that he touched her. The warmth, the kindness, the compassion, it was all too much for her.

“Thank you.” He rasped, tears glazing over his eyes, “Thank you so much.”

She pulled away, tilting her head back to meet his gaze, their faces were so close together that she couldn’t anticipate the emotion that was in his eyes. He was not used to such a great act of kindness that even made words not enough. He leaned his forehead against hers and every instinct in his body was to kiss her.

To kiss her, over and over again until they were both dizzy.

Because she was marvelous.

And he couldn’t think of doing anything else, especially knowing, the kiss would never happen.

\-----

He was going to kiss her.

She could see the way his eyes moved and how they changed. And quite frankly, he was magnificent up close, eyes that sparkle and are naked in emotion, lips that looked so soft, skin aching to be touched. Perhaps she could toy with the idea of letting him, but she pulled away and steadied him on his feet.

She did not track this picture down in order to gain affection as a reward.

“How am I supposed to repay you when you keep making my life wonderful?”

She heard him say it when he thought that she was out of earshot but she smiled to herself. She wasn’t good with her words, she couldn’t tell him that she didn’t want to be repaid and that she didn’t do this for any sort of IOU. She wasn’t trying to garner favour or win him over, she wasn’t trying to make him feel indebted or grateful.

She found the picture because it was the one thing he seemed to actually _want_ in this lifetime.

And sometimes you just do whatever you can for that person.

There’s no science behind it, just pure emotion.


	15. lilacs

Taeyong used to joke that Jaehyun was too loose with his emotions.

That he used serious words too easily but Jaehyun didn’t see it like that. He saw it as taking the pretentious overbearing nature of words that we held too close to our chests and being brave enough to speak them out loud. Sometimes words didn’t have to move mountains and shake the core of the earth, sometimes they didn’t need to weigh a thousand pounds. 

Sometimes words could just be words.

And such, Jaehyun couldn’t stop staring at Ayeon all Christmas day.

He loved this woman.

Taeyong would laugh and maybe Jinah would too if they heard, but he knew that giving him the picture of Haerin was something that he could never forget and filled him with more emotion than he could grasp. Made sense, considering the last few months were nothing but Ayeon pulling him closer and closer to her. 

And he loved her for it.

\-----

She frowned and picked up the glittery card stock, “You’re throwing a party…”

“For New Years.” Jaehyun said, leaning against the counter, “I’d like to the start the new year with something happy for once.”

Ayeon set the card down, “Well, good for you. You should.”

“I’d like you to come, detective.”

She wanted to gag whenever he used that tone. Like he was telling her and only her a secret. “Why on earth?”

“You’re largely the reason I _could_ try to be happy.” He said gently.

She rolled her eyes, “I’ll have to check my availability.”

His smile grew more affectionate the longer he stared, “How did you like the tea?”

She shrugged, “Haven’t tried it yet.” 

He knew she was bluffing, he could smell it from her travel mug. “Well, I need to head to the precinct, is this why you made me come here?”

He smiled to himself and picked up a daisy, a remnant of an arrangement he was working on earlier, and reached out, his fingers brushed her hair aside, tucking it behind her ear. Her eyes widened as she stared at him, her body shivering as she replayed the feeling of his fingers against the shell of her ear.

“That’s all I called you for. Have a nice day, detective.”

\-----

Ayeon ended up spending the entire week thinking.

About work, sure. About her friends, always. About her father, unfortunately. But mainly about Jaehyun.

Ever since Christmas, it felt like something had shifted in their orbit. She wasn’t sure what it was, but it was driving her insane. She tried to escape the maze by distracting herself with Haerin, digging and digging through any police file she could find in her name. It was too minimal, probably because it was treated as an accident, but it surprised her that there was no evidence, no other avenues, no witnesses, nothing to indicate that they looked into anything else.

She stopped over the pictures, unable to look away from the gruesome scene of blood. Her jacket was falling off her shoulders and her body slumped over the jagged rocks by the water like a blanket. Ayeon had seen her fair share of gruesome crime scene photos before, she was good at steeling her stomach up.

This time, it took about 5 minutes before she ran to the bathroom, throwing up in the privacy of a stall.

\-----

She ended up going.

She always knew she would end up going.

It was Jaehyun, after all.

She paced in front of his shop, nervously tugging on the silk blouse that was peeking out of her jacket. She had fussed over her clothes for an embarrassing amount of time. She couldn’t tell what was appropriate, she knew some people dressed up for New Years, but she didn’t want to seem like she was making it a big deal.

She didn’t know why she was so nervous, it had never been an issue before, she treated Maison De Fleurs like it was hers. But it took her far too long before she finally built up the confidence to open the door and walk in. It took her a while to take in what was in front of her, she wasn’t used to seeing the shop so crowded at one time.

Music was flowing as everyone mingled, sipping on drinks and nibbling on food. Laughter was sprinkled as stories were shared and acquaintances were made. She shifted nervously, unsure what to do surrounded by people she didn’t know. Her instincts were telling her to turn and leave before anyone noticed her, she could come up with a flimsy excuse.

He saw her the minute she stepped in and felt his breath catch. Her hair was let down, curling over her shoulder and her eyes were dusted with something sparkly. Her cheeks were pinked from the cold and he did not hesitate to abandon whatever conversation he was in the middle of to meet her half way.

“Detective.”

Her eyes met his and her smile curled up cautiously, “Hi.”

His smile grew, his gaze warming, “I’m so happy you’re here.” 

She gulped under the warmth, “Is there somewhere I can hang my jacket?”

“Oh, let me take it for you.” She unbuttoned hers, holding her breath as he moved to stand behind her, but close enough to feel his heat. His fingers grazed her so gently as he helped her out of her jacket. She couldn’t see the way his eyes drank in the way the silk hung over her body, he had never seen her wear anything like it. His throat dried as his mind raced to compare it to a flower.

Something as smooth, as alluring, as glamorous.

He couldn’t.

“Do you want something to drink?” He offered with a bit of remaining sanity.

She faced him but she frowned when she saw a bottle of wine sitting on the counter, “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” He said quietly to her, “I’m not drinking, I can be around it.”

Unknowingly, her hand gripped around his arm, “I don’t need anything. I didn’t expect the crowd.”

“It’s a lot, isn’t it?” He empathized.

She smiled again, “I’ll be fine. Just…don’t go too far.”

“I won’t but Taeyong is lurking around here somewhere, stick with him if you need to.” He offered.

She nodded and was about to speak when someone cut in, “Jaehyun we’re out of the little cakes.”

“I’ll be back.” He said softly to her.

She looked uneasy before nodded again, dropping her hand away, watching him retreat with her coat.

“You are an incredible woman, Detective Yoo.” She turned and found Taeyong approaching her with a cup in his hand and an uneven stagger in his step.

“Call me Ayeon.” She said gently, twisting her fingers. This was new to her. Trying to be more open. Letting someone be friends instead of defaulting into professionalism.

“Ayeon.” He repeated, tipsy.

“And how am I incredible?” She mused, charmed by his blinding grin.

Taeyong handed the cup to her, “Well, the fact that you got the man notorious for hating cops to literally brighten at the sight of you, your power is too strong.”

Her friendly smile slowly shriveled, “I’m sorry?”

“Jaehyun? I couldn’t believe my eyes when I came over and he was making dinner for a detective, he hates cops. Thinks they’re corrupt and what not. How did you change his mind? Aside from being gorgeous, I imagine you have _some_ technique.” He asked.

Her heart pounded and a feeling so close to humiliation sunk in. She thought back to when she told him about Lucas, and about how people thought she was at fault. Did he think she was corrupt? Is that why he pushed her to speak to Mina? Was he on her side, waiting for her to expose some sort of dirty conspiracy?

No.

Step back.

Think.

This was Jaehyun.

“He doesn’t hate cops.” She said with more confidence than she had.

Now it was his smile that started to fade and his expression sobered up, “Wait…”

“He…he doesn’t…” Her voice weakened. Taeyong knew Jaehyun a lot longer than her and a lot better, but hating cops? That was absurd. “He never acted like he hated me.” Her voice just sounded softer and more unsure.

And the panic in Taeyong’s eyes didn’t help her mind, “Please tell me you’re joking. You said you’ve known him months. He didn’t mention this?”

She looked over at Jaehyun, who was in the middle of chatting with someone when his eyes slid over the person’s shoulder to lock with hers. He had a smile but, like everyone in that room so far, his own started to fall when he saw the pained and confused look on her face. His eyes shifted to Taeyong who could only look at him with sympathy and mouth a “sorry” for him to know what just happened.

He looked back at Ayeon and watched her set the cup down on the counter before walking into the back of the store, where the coats were being kept.

“Right? I mean my niece adored the flower crown I got from here.”

Jaehyun had no capacity to engage in this meaningless conversation now, “Excuse me.” He mumbled distractedly as he pushed passed everyone to follow her to where it was quiet.

“Ayeon.” He said softly, his hands shaking. He wasn’t ready for this conversation, he knew it was creeping up on him, he knew it had to happen eventually, but he wanted to pretend it wasn’t a real concern he had to worry himself over. 

She shook her head, keeping herself distracted with the coats stacked together, “It’s okay, I should go.”

“Please.” He whispered. “Talk to me, I can explain.”

She stopped fidgeting and just squeezed her eyes shut, collecting her thoughts before turning to face him, “Is it true? That you hate cops?”

The silence was enough. No immediate denial, no incredulous laugh, just silence. “Oh my god.” She muttered, pressing her hands against her eyes.

“It’s not like that. It’s…complicated.”

“I’m a cop.” Obviously, but she felt like she needed to drive the point home. “If you hate cops than you ha-“

“No.” He said sharply, “I don’t hate you.” He couldn’t think of anything more ridiculous, he had never hated her. His mind would spin in conflict whenever he was around her, but he never hated her. In fact, he liked her so much that it was the root of the conflict.

She scoffed weakly, “Oh nice, what did I do to deserve the exemption?”

“Ayeon.” He begged, wanting to touch her with every fiber of his being. He felt his chest constrict, he had never been on the receiving end of her untrusting gaze. 

She shook her head, her throat closing up, “How come you’ve never said anything to me? Why did you let me get clos- why did you let me come in here every day _for months_?”

“Jaehyun, you wouldn’t happen to have another bottle of red?” Someone called from the door.

Ayeon turned away, taking deep breaths. Jaehyun fisted his hands and turned, giving the person a polite smile. “I’ll grab it from the fridge and bring it out in a second.”

He turned back to Ayeon and felt his gut churn at the look she was giving him. A look that said that she was dancing with the idea to just run and cut him out of her life completely if what he said next was wrong.

“We should talk about this tomorrow.” He said softly.

Her face darkened and she took a sharp breath, he could see her deciding to just walk away, feeling brushed off, so he scrambled to keep her there. To make sure she wasn’t gone for good.

“No, please. You deserve to know. We need to have this conversation but it’s loud and crowded and someone is going to interrupt us every five minutes. Please. I’ll open up late tomorrow just come in the morning and I’ll tell you everything.”

He could see her balance tilting back and forth but she was still unreadable. He hated this, that he kept this from her to the point where he tested her trust. Where she’d look at him uncertainly like suddenly, he could be the enemy.

“I should go now.” She whispered.

He didn’t think his heart could break over this. He just didn’t think it could break at all. But he could hear it cracking. “Please come tomorrow.”

She just stared at him, proving him with no assurance before grabbing her coat and walking through crowds of people getting ready to count down the new year until she was gone.

\------

She walked fast down the street to her car. She hugged herself and tilted her chin up, cursing at herself. She could feel tears itching up. Her eyes burning, sniffling her nose like it would suck them back.

She convinced herself that it was the cold. That the sharp winter air was pricking at her eyeballs, drawing tears. But she didn’t have an explanation when the feeling grew when she was in the shelter of her car. She sat silently and just felt the urge in her throat grow. The itching eyes escalated to a numbing throat, and her body starting to throb in a dull pain.

She took a sharp breath and then just started crying.

Years of managing her emotions, carefully monitoring herself to only show what she was allowed to, only the emotion that she needed to survive.

It all unraveled.

He was the only friend that she had made that didn’t come from tragedy. A friend who she connected because their personalities simply clicked. It made her realize just how much she had started to depend on him without her even knowing. He was her emotional stabilizer, the one that listened to her talk when she didn’t realize she was.

She shook, unable to make sense of what she’d unlocked as she sobbed, wretched emotions that clawed into her soul callously. She begged, in her head, for it to stop, for mercy, but the tears came out, almost greedy for release.

She looked up and saw Jaehyun standing outside looking around before typing into his phone. In response, her phone buzzed, and she glanced at the screen _I’ll wait for you tomorrow._ She gripped the steering wheel with one hand, as if bracing herself from an impact and then leaned her head against it.

He said he didn’t hate her, that should be enough for her.

But it made her feel sick.

She felt tricked, like the entire time he’s known her, a part of him was judging her, waiting for her to prove to be like every other cop he claimed to hate. She imagined someone like him, resenting her when she walked into his store to pick up Lucas’s flowers, so bitter about death or when he knew that he’d have to deal with the police when his store was burgled.

But then she thought about people in her precinct that sent her in the middle of a hostage and how she was so terrified to be near them that she worked out of Jaehyun’s store just to hide from them. The very cops who worked with her with, she would never want responding to her 9-1-1 call. Or the people bullying Daemin. What if Jaehyun had the misfortune of having to trust a cop like that? Could she blame him for hating them?

If she sat back and thought about herself, didn’t she hate the cops at her precinct?

She stared at the clock.

Midnight.

Happy _fucking_ New Year.

She dropped her head against the steering wheel, she felt embarrassed. Embarrassed that someone whose opinion she cared about seemed to hate her career. Whatever reason he had to what them, she must be somewhat complacent in. 

Ayeon lifted her head and watched him step out of his shop again, this time he leaned against the brick wall, staring up at the sky for a minute, before crouching and pressing the base of his hands against his eyes. Her throat clutched, what a way to kick of the year. 

The two of them, miserable and alone.

The tears had dried and she leaned her cheek against her wheel, staring at Jaehyun. She didn’t want to lose this, she didn’t want this to go wrong, she didn’t want to be the reason that the two of them went wrong.

She wouldn’t become her father.

With resolve, she straightened up and started the car before pulling away. She would speak to him tomorrow, she would hear what he had to say and would cross her fingers that it was a reason that she could understand.

She drove away from the fireworks crackling overhead and would spend the start of the new year hung up on Jung Jaehyun.

\-----

He couldn’t sleep.

The minute the new year ticked over, he wanted everyone out of his shop. But he played good host, smiling, avoiding Taeyong who kept giving him worried looks. He would talk to himself in his head, asking himself why this felt like the worst thing to happen.

He would swat away images of Ayeon, who had carefully carved out trust with him that shattered before her eyes when she looked at him. It kept him up at night, after everyone was gone and he was alone with his thoughts. He thought about her over and over again.

How she spent her career being a good person, putting others before herself, upset when she was given paper work because she wanted to be out there, saving lives. She fought for justice, and someone she may have considered as a friend ended up hating her career, people in it and thought they were all corrupt. What a slap in the face.

If he was honest, he still assumed they were. He was impassive with Ayeon when he first met her, treating her the same way he dealt with any cop that came into his store.

The only difference was that Ayeon came back.

Again and again and again and then she stayed for good.

And he was okay with it.

Because Ayeon would drop everything to help someone in need. She would be carrying the weight of someone else’s murder, someone else’s unrequited love as if it was her own, owning up to something she didn’t commit.

The world needed more people like Ayeon and he disrespected her.

He wondered how he managed to ruin things that hadn’t even begun.

By 4AM he knew that sleep was long gone and so he chose to just sit in the backroom of his shop, hoping she’d come and talk to him. He was guessing he had at least another 5 hours before he could start waiting for her but at 5AM, the bells on his door chime.

His heart flew up to his throat as he stumbled out of his chair to run to the front. Ayeon stood there, haggard and tired, and watched him apprehensively, like she was debating leaving.

“Thank god.” He accidentally whispered.

She closed the door behind her but didn’t move, “You need to start talking.”

“Come to the back.” He couldn’t stop looking at her.

She followed him, although still cautiously until they were both seated in front of the small desk designated just for her. A silence hung and he knew she wasn’t going to break it, the ball was in his court and he was the one that had to make the first move.

“The police never found out what happened to my sister.” He started. “I didn’t believe it, I didn’t believe that she could just _die,_ and that they couldn’t even scrape together a single piece of substantial evidence. All they had was the circumstantial evidence claiming that she fell.”

“You hate cops because they couldn’t find out what happened to your sister?” She could understand that. The utter fury and directing it at the only people who could give you answers yet failed to. The images of Haerin still kept her up.

Jaehyun grew still and the gentle man made of petals and charming smiles was replaced with a man made of spun betrayal and fury. “Remember when I said that I even had a lead?”

Vaguely. She nodded.

“Well I did have a lead and I hate cops because I think I know how she died, and they refused to listen to me.”

Her eyes widened, “What are you talking about?”

“Ayeon, all that matters is that my anger was never meant for you.” He said firmly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

But she didn’t dare back down, “You said that you would explain yourself to me. That’s why I’m here. So, tell me, now.”

He took a deep breath and locked his gaze with hers, dark and hardened.

“I think a cop killed her.”

Her jaw clenched on impact, but her lips were pressed together, like a balloon filling with helium.

“Just say it, detective. There’s no use in parsing your words here.” He said briskly.

She didn’t actually know what to say. “I came to hear _you_ talk, not myself.”

If she wanted to know, fine, “When we weren’t happy with the police’s conclusion, we did our own investigation, we went to the little village they found her and asked around. No one noted anything suspicious, but one family said they were outside walking their dog when they saw a girl matching my sister’s description get into a police car. They didn’t remember anything else except, that the left taillight was covered in red paint.”

“Paint?” She asked in confusion.

He shook his head helplessly, “I think there was some manufacturing error with the police car, the taillight must’ve been painted by accident and they hadn’t gotten it replaced. But I couldn’t find any paperwork tying an officer to a damaged car.”

“What did the detectives say when you told them?” She asked breathlessly.

He gave her a bitter smile, “They said they would follow up, but they never did. No one even called them up. I kept pestering them about it, but they never gave in. It just confirmed to me that something went wrong, that they must have some evidence that pointed at a police officer being involved but didn’t want to admit to the public that the people meant to protect the law, broke it and took the life of a younger girl.”

Ayeon felt sick to her stomach. She wanted him to stop, she wanted the story to end and the pain to be forgotten.

“After a while, I got tired, I tried everything, going to the press, calling other precincts and detectives but no one believed me. When I went back to the family to ask them if they remembered anything else, they changed their story, saying they didn’t see anything. I didn’t blame them, I wouldn’t want to live out in the middle of nowhere where a murder had just taken place and have the police have a vendetta out against you.” His tone shifted like his throat was honey and he had the _audacity_ to feel the need to ease her soul, like he hadn’t just bared an open wound to her.

She pressed her fingertips against her eyes. He reached out, finally giving in to the urge, and brushed her hair back, “I lived 5 years sitting on knowledge that no one used, asking my sister for forgiveness for letting her killer get away so easily. I was mad. I hate every cop in my sights because they were all the same. They would just send me in circles without ever doing anything to help. They let a killer free. A young girl died and they didn't care.”

He let his fingers stay in her hair, “I had every intention of treating you like every other cop that’s walked into my shop. But you…you were like no one I ever knew.” He said gently, “You were so kind, and took your job so seriously. You actually wanted to protect people, you wanted to protect me, you were there for me no matter what. You didn’t bullshit. You were honest, you took responsibility, even when things weren’t your fault. I-I can’t forget what happened to my sister, my anger and resentment is still there, but I was never going to take it out on you. I never blamed you.”

She stared at her shoes in thought before looking at him, “Why do you work across the street from a police precinct when they end up being half your customers? Why would you do that to yourself?”

“People don’t frequent flower shops often. Typically for holidays. Some birthdays, Valentine's day, mothers day…and funerals. Cops tend to have more of those than regular people.”

She stiffened, thinking of when she picked up flowers for Lucas. He shook his head, “I know it’s morbid. I also think it was a pride thing. I didn’t want anyone to think I forgot or gave up. I wanted to be a reminder, even though this wasn’t the precinct that was in charge of her case.”

Jaehyun pulled his hand back, letting it fall in his lap before trying o swallow the lump in his throat down, “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to fix this.”

Silence hung over them as Ayeon let her eyes wander around the store, chewing the inside of her cheek as she tried to figure out what to do next. He was at her mercy, she was going to decide if he would ever see her again and the mere thought of her taking that away from him made him anxious.

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.” She said plainly. She had spent the night tossing and turning thinking about him. “Can I use your apartment?”

He looked stunned, trying to catch up with words he didn’t expect to hear, “To nap?” 

She nodded blankly and waited. He dug his key out of his pocket and placed it in her palm, “Of course you can.”

She closed her hand over his, squeezing it without meeting his eyes, “Thanks.”

He watched numbly as she turned and climbed the stairs without looking back.

\-----

It was like she wasn’t herself.

She kicked her shoes off, let her coat fall off her shoulders on the floor, discarding mittens, a scarf and peeled her sweater off, in her wake. She didn’t bother with the couch or the small makeshift guest room, she walked straight into his bedroom, where she had never stepped foot before, and climbed over the soft gray blanket before sliding under.

She laid on her side, staring at his bookshelf, tracing her eyes over the title of every book. Bored, she shifted and caught sight of his bedside table where the picture of Haerin she found was set. Ayeon stared at the girl, the beautiful age of 16, so much of her life ahead of her, so many possibilities, so much to offer the world, so much to grow into and felt her eyes burn.

When she was sixteen, she was standing frozen on the stage, bright lights burning her skin as she stared at her father in terror. She was sixteen when her mom left her father. She was sixteen when she was given a second chance.

Haerin didn’t get a second chance.

The tears were coming down faster.

She imagined Haerin seeing a police car and having no reason to be scared. They were police officers, protectors of the law, pursuers of justice, why wouldn’t she trust them? She imagined the moment she realized that they were evil. She imagined the moment she called for her mom, her dad, her brother, hoping they’d save her before the blood pooled around her like an omen.

Then she imagined her brother laying here every night alone, staring at this picture, thinking the same thoughts but having it cut ten times deeper. Waking up one day and his sister gone, no dramatic survival, not closure, just _gone_. And resenting every person, every system, everything that let Haerin down.

She pressed her face against his pillow, hit with the sweet, soothing smell that was just _him_ and screamed into it as the tears seared down her cheeks.

\-----

He wanted to be with her.

He wanted to talk to her.

He wanted her to touch him in concern when she thought he was hurt.

He wanted her to smile in that precautious way.

He didn’t want to be shifting through inventory as if it was a normal day, while she was just a few feet above him. But regardless of what he wanted, he stayed in the shop, giving her the space to think or sleep. He took what he was given, if she was willing to stay near him, in his apartment, she was either willing to trust him or she was wrecking his house.

Taking his chances, he powered through the day on autopilot, not bothering with the small talk that he’d normally engage his customers in. It was close to closing when he remembered that he had yet to feed Triple. Tired, he flipped the closed sign early and locked up before calling out to his friend.

He frowned when the sound of food hitting Triple’s bowl didn’t send him running. Jaehyun walked up the stairs, clicking his tongue softly, calling Triple. He pushed his door open and stared at the floor where Ayeon’s things were. He retraced her steps, bending down to pick up her jacket, her mittens, her scarf and her sweater along the way. He set them down on the couch and moved to the guest room when he heard Triple meowing from his bedroom.

Jaehyun pushed the door open and stared at Ayeon curled under his blanket, hugging the picture of Haerin, passed out. Triple was perched by her feet, watching him. He shifted on his feet before quietly walking in and kneeling down next to the bed. He reached out and touched her cheek, trailing the path her dried tears had left. He sighed and pulled the picture from her arms and set it back on the bedside table. He adjusted the quilt over her, scratched Triple on the top of the head and walked to the door.

The last thing he ever wanted was to burden her with what happened to Haerin. It was his trauma, it was his loss, it wasn’t fair to make it hers too.

“Don’t go.”

It was a mystery how Ayeon’s voice remained indescribable.

He turned as she pushed herself up, the blanket pooling around her waist. She hung her head, her hair hanging like a curled curtain.

“I’m okay.” Was what she said. “You shouldn’t have had to apologize so many times to me over this.”

“Two truths and a lie. You go first.” He said as he took exactly one step into the room.

She sighed and lifted her head, her cheek were still gaunt and the circles around her eyes were still dark, “One, I wish I could find out what happened to Haerin. Two, I’ve never felt shittier than when I walked out yesterday. Three, I think they should’ve listened to you and the fact that they didn’t doesn’t sit well with me.”

He frowned, searching her words for the lie.

“Hint, I’m not lying.”

“Ayeon.” He said unsurely, “I can’t stop how I feel, and I don’t want you to be okay with it just to smooth things over.”

She shook her head, “No, I have my own reasons. I’m going to talk to that Mina girl, I think I need to do some digging myself.”

“No. You’re a detective, your precinct has their own vendetta against you, if they find out you’re digging, they’ll make your life hell.” He said seriously. “They sent you to a hostage situation meaning they want you dead.” 

She smiled for the first time, "Turns out, I'm quite hard to take out."


	16. lavenders

She stayed in his bed all day.

He didn’t join her, but he didn’t kick her out either.

He spent his day gravitating around her, moving from the kitchen to the living room to his shop, to the store by the corner and then back to the kitchen. Something bothered him, he knew it, it was why he couldn’t sit still or focus. He had a good feeling it had to do with Ayeon and the way she would vacantly stare at his wall, mindlessly playing with Triple’s ear as she curled into a ball under his sheets.

Even though they talked, even though her words wrapped him up in forgiveness, it didn’t feel right. She felt too distant.

“I made you tea.” He said softly by the door.

She rolled on her back and surveyed him from the door, “I feel like you’re trying to nurse me back to health.”

“I could if you want, are you sick?” He mused, setting the mug down on the bedside table.

She smiled slightly, “Not yet. What kind?”

“Chamomile.”

She peered over the lip, sniffing it, “You think I need to be calmed down?”

“Everyone needs a little calm every now and then.”

She looked up at him, wondering why he had yet to awkwardly ask her to leave his apartment or at the very least, his room, “I hope you’re not feeling guilty.”

“I’m not. I don’t feel guilty over being angry, I feel guilty that I’ve hurt you and kept something from you.” He said honestly.

He was strong. Not in the way of seeing who could shout the loudest or throw the hardest punch, he was strong in the way he rode above. How honest he was with himself. A few months ago, she would’ve sneered and said that their relationship didn’t extend deep enough for him to feel guilty or even caring that whether he hurt her at all. But she couldn’t exactly say that to him now, not after all the times they had seen each other cry and vomit.

“I’m not hurt, I was confused and now I’m not.” She said while taking a sip of the tea and pressing her knees against her chest.

He looked unsettled and it almost made her smile, she had never seen him so worked up over something like this before. “It’s fine.”

“You’re doing that thing.” He said, unsmiling.

She stared at the little slice of lemon that stared up at her like a citrus sun, “What thing?”

“The thing where you think _fine_ is a trustworthy answer.”

She set the mug down and pulled his sheets up to her neck, like a shield. She needed to ask him where he bought it, it was so comfortable, and she needed one of her own. “You’re not what makes me feel _not fine_ , what happened to you, on the other hand, does. I’m not going to sit here and act like my biggest problem was you keeping this from me. My biggest problem is what happened to Haerin.”

It made sense why the two of them would be so uniquely good for each other. In a universe where neither of them spent enough time caring about themselves, together, they’d enter an endless loop of caring about the other person. Someone who prioritizes you over themselves while you prioritize them over yourself.

They would fill each other’s gaps. Like fingers slotting into each other.

“You’re a good cop, detective.”

She didn’t smile or look away, “Now _you’re_ doing that thing.”

He raised his brow inquisitively.

“You’re doing that thing where you think comforting me is deflecting attention off of you.”

He smiled in a way that did tragic things to her mind, “Detective, what were you like as a child?”

“Oh, screw off.” She breathed out with a slight laugh. “I was a terrified child.”

He had moved closer to her, it was impossible not to. She just pulled you in. She managed to laugh it off, but he saw the tense in her shoulder. He reached out and brushed her cheek in a way that had her lashes fluttering, “Well, you turned out a woman that terrified others. I guess you won.”

She squeezed his hand and pulled it away before caressing it with her thumb, “How were you as a child?” 

“Probably waiting for someone like you to stroll into my life.” He joked, carefully setting her hand down and walking to the door.

She felt the lump in her chest grow as she watched him, the way he carried himself, the way he could just say something like that so simply before she called out to him.

“I think we’ll be okay, Jaehyun.”

\------

“Have you ever done something insane?”

Dr. Kim looked up, it was rare that her patients asked _her_ probing questions, “I’ve been alive for quite a while, so you’re going to have to be specific.”

“Have you ever done something for the sole purpose that it wasn’t something you’d typically do?” Ayeon clarified. She had chosen to leave out her clash with Jaehyun, it was resolved, and she still felt uncomfortable bringing his name up in the sessions.

Ayeon wasn’t random, Dr. Lee knew that much, she asked questions because she found the answers to be of importance, “Once, in college. I was timid by nature and was dragged out to a party by friends and long story short, I ended up breaking into the campus pool and skinny dipping.”

“Why did you do it? If you were timid by nature?” She asked carefully.

Dr. Lee took in a deep breath, thinking, “I’m not sure, I think at the time I was afraid of being boring and missing out on the recklessness of being 20. Now that I’m older and make a living off of figuring out why people do the things they do, I figure it was because I wanted to make sure that I was capable of doing things that scared me. That I could take risks and end up okay.”

Ayeon chewed on her lip in thought, “Is that why most people do it?”

Dr. Lee smiled, if she didn’t have experience working with law enforcement, she would’ve been intimidated at the interrogation-like line of questioning, “It’s hard to say, people do things for different reasons based on their own experiences and goals. Why is this interesting you?”

“Soya made me do this thing called a butterfly challenge. I sort of been slacking but I’ve been thinking about it lately, I wonder if I should be doing it more.” Ayeon said, almost embarrassed.

“Oh, funny enough, I was the one who told her about the challenge. It worked for her because it addressed issues she had at the time. That’s how these things work, it only works on people who need it to work.” She said with a little laugh.

Ayeon frowned, “Are you saying it won’t work for me?”

“Well, no, I think it _has_ been working, or else you wouldn’t be considering doing it more but Ayeon, I don’t think your issue is doing things you normally wouldn’t do.”

She looked displeased, “Yeah it is. If not, then what?”

“I think your issues are _saying_ things you normally wouldn’t. Expressing anger, disappointment, happiness, love in a verbal manner is something that you veer away from. It isn’t going to parties, dates or sky diving.” Dr. Lee said gently.

Ayeon shifted uncomfortably, “Oh…I guess.”

Dr. Lee took a deep breath before she grazed the topic, “Your father…he taught you that in order to earn approval, in order to avoid being a disappointment, in order to be _worth_ it, you have to bottle your emotions up, only letting aspects out strategically. I think you and I need to work on helping you unlearn how to do that.”

Ayeon shifted uncomfortably, telling her therapist about her father meant that she connected dots that Ayeon would rather pretend didn’t connect, “Well, how do I just become good at talking?”

“Baby steps.” Dr. Kim paused for a minute before sitting straighter, “I want to give you homework. I want you to go home and write a letter to every person who you’ve felt things about but never said. It could any emotion and the letters can be as long or as short as you want.”

“I don’t know…that sounds straight out of a sitcom.” Ayeon said with a snort.

“Funny you say that because that’s exactly where I got the idea. And for the love of god, don’t put them in envelopes.”

\-----

So Ayeon sat, with a mug of Jaehyun’s tea steaming next to her desk at home, as she stared at the blank piece of paper in front of her.

She considered writing one for Lucas. That was where her mind first went because he was the first person, she thought of who had unresolved issues with. But she rejected the idea almost as soon as it formed. The same went with her mom and father.

She thought about writing one for Jaehyun, he seemed the safest option at first, then she realized that she would be writing a letter to a man whose bed she had spent hours in, who had seen her vomit, who had bared his innermost trauma, and who she had gotten close to kissing on an alarming amount of occasions.

Instead, she settled on Soya, writing about their friendship, what she had meant to her and all the things, good and hard, that they had been through together. It was easy to write this one and she assumed that it defeated the purpose. The point was to get better at something that was supposed to be hard.

Maybe she’d come to work her way up.

Baby steps.

\-----

“I’m going to step out.” Ayeon said, slipping her jacket on.

Jaehyun looked up from the lilies he had been fighting with, “It’s cold out.”

She made a show of wrapping her scarf around her neck. “Good?”

His eyes measured her jacket out unsurely, but he said nothing and just nodded with his own one-word question, “Work?”

“I’m meeting someone.” She said vaguely. “You’d be proud.”

His lips curled in a way that made her stomach churn and her vision swim, “Stay warm, detective.”

\-----

She had been standing in the cold for 2 hours.

Ayeon was going to _rip_ Mina’s head off when she saw her.

After hemming and hawing, she finally decided to call Mina and meet with her. She had to bite the bullet because this wasn’t just about her anymore. She had sent Mina strict instructions to meet in an alley not too far for the flower shop and just waited.

She couldn’t feel her fingers or her toes and despite the scarf, she could still feel the cold air slip under her blouse. Her head pounded and was shivering violently against the winter frost. She could hear a sharp ringing in her ears from the cold.

“Sorry!”

Ayeon turned, her glare sending Mina to a screeching halt as she ran down the alley, out of breath, “2 hours.”

Mina gulped, “I’m sorry, I was moving into my new place and I don’t have a clock, my phone died an—”

“It’s fine.” She said coldly. She tried to minimize the shivering and focused on the topic at hand, “I’m meeting you completely off the record.”

Mina nodded aggressively, “I swear.”

Ayeon let her shoulders drop, “Why did you send me all those messages?”

“I needed to reach you. I have information involving you. Important information.”

Ayeon raised her brow, “Well?”

“Someone at your precinct called in that fake tip about the van. They’re the reason you were sent to the hostage situation.” Mina said, her head held up proudly as if she had just cracked a decade long cold case.

Ayeon blinked at her, “How do you know?”

Her faced reddened, “I was there. I handcuffed myself to a chair.”

“Who did it? Who made the call?” Ayeon barked, her body tense.

Embarrassment flooded her face, “Um…I’m not sure. My back was facing them, and I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I didn’t know it was a hostage.”

“Oh.” Ayeon rolled her eyes, pretending that she hadn’t held her breath in anticipation, “So, you blew my phone to tell me that?”

Mina was stunned at her bored tone, “Someone at your precinct tried to get you killed.”

“I know.” She hissed, “But I don’t know who did it. _That’s_ the information that’s important to me.”

“Wait…you knew?”

Ayeon ground her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, “Literally right after. Fucking hell, I can’t believe I came here just for that.”

“Can’t they trace the call?” Mina asked.

Ayeon sighed, “They did, it was from Lucas’s phone and the security cameras don’t cover that angle.”

“And you’re gonna keep working there? Even though someone tried to get you killed?” Mina was stunned, how could _anyone_ go to work knowing that someone hated you so much they wanted you dead?

Ayeon rubbed her nose before shoving her hands into her pockets, fisting them to keep them warm, “Yes. Even though someone tried to get me killed. This job is more important to me than that. Why do you think that you can never find me at my desk?”

Silence fell over the two of them and Ayeon watched her breath smoke out from her lips, “So…that’s it?”

Mina licked her lips nervously, “Uh…yeah, I guess. I didn’t know how much you already knew…I’m sorry.”

Ayeon wanted to scream. She wanted to stomp off to the flower shop and set something on fire to thaw her out. But instead, she stepped closer to Mina, causing the girl to stiffen in fear.

“Why Lucas? Why is this case the one that you want to chase? Why are you so sure that there’s a story here?” She asked quietly.

Mina sighed, turning her words over in her head before speaking, “I reported on the Delco case. I was following it and when an officer died, my editor wanted to be to do some sniffing around. I thought if I dug hard enough, someone would crack.”

“Wait…that’s it? The reason you did all of this, the reason you caused such a ruckus was because you were just hoping that there might be a chance it was foul play?” Ayeon was expecting more than this, she thought Mina had more than a hunch.

Mina shook her head, “I’ve spent hours scouring tweets and forums, people have stories about cops, of course, none of them are corroborated but it’s enough to think that police officers don’t hold their own accountable.”

“So, now you’ve suddenly decided it wasn’t foul play? That you were wrong and now want to shoot your shot at something else hoping it would stick?” She accused.

She frowned, “The podcast was my editor’s idea too, he knew how popular they were and if the paper could produce a podcast about a case that was currently active, it could go viral. I did it because I wanted to make connections and find sources that I could use when I started to produce my own stuff.”

“And I’m guessing you’re ‘own stuff’ is exposing in-fighting?” Ayeon said sarcastically.

Mina leaned against the brick wall, “Look, I’ll be honest, I really thought there was something there with you and Lucas. I heard your call for back-up, I drove to the scene, I saw the cops come in after you and Delco _still_ got away, so yeah, I was suspicious. Even if it wasn’t the story of my dreams, I was invested and taking it seriously. But this is what I want to do.”

“Bu—”

“You know it’s wrong. The way they treat you, the shit you had to put up with. It’s sick and it’s wrong. And the only way it’ll stop is if the public puts on pressure, but the public won’t know the shit that’s been going down because I’m sure the higher-ups, even higher than Jinah, making sure people stay quiet.”

Ayeon said nothing, specifically about how she was put on partial-leave, strapped to a desk and had to go to mandatory therapy. They _were_ making sure she didn’t open her mouth. “I’m supposed to be your martyr? Your whistleblower? You think they won’t just fight back with some bullshit PR stunt? And what makes you think I even care enough to take them down? What if I just want to keep my head down until I can get transferred somewhere else?”

“Because you wouldn’t have met with me. You wouldn’t even have tried.” Mina said in exasperation.

Ayeon felt a flicker of anger rise, “Well, what the hell am I supposed to think, Mina? Your editor is giving my team lead an earful and apparently your podcast already dropped the first teaser. You’re not on my side. You’re not an ally.”

“I didn’t greenlight that teaser. My editor went onto my computer after hours and pulled some of the audio that I stored on there and cut together the teaser himself because he was mad I was behind on my deadlines.” Mina said honestly.

Ayeon faltered as she sized the short red head up, “So, you’re on my side now? I’m supposed to believe that?”

“I’m on the side of the truth.” She said like a superhero in a comic.

Ayeon rolled her eyes so hard that she nearly pulled a muscle, “Oh, spare me.”

“I’m serious. I don’t want to drag you throw the mud, I don’t want to poke at your wounds with Lucas. I just want the truth to come out about the precinct because you cannot be the only one being victimized.” Mina’s voice went up a pitch in frustration.

Ayeon thought of Daemin and the shy and nervous smiles he’d give her when no one was looking. She’d always smile back, a secret signal of support. Solidarity.

“And how are you going to expose the truth while also producing a scandalous true crime story?” She muttered resentfully, quietly counting to 10 in the back of her mind.

Mina met her eye, confident for the first time, “I quit.”

“You…quit.” The words sounded strange in her mouth. “The paper?”

Mina nodded, “I guess I’m technically freelancing now.”

\------

She could feel Jaehyun’s gaze on her ever since she walked in with a bubbly red hair following her around like a shadow.

The shift in dynamic was what he first picked up on. He could see Ayeon’s calculating stare, she stood in his shop as if she had brought a new organism into their ecosystem and was seeing how much damage it was going to do their sustainability. She kept her words short with Mina who seemed to not mind and was more glad that she was being given the time of day at all.

He didn’t comment on it at first.

“Would you ladies like some tea?” He worded carefully after an awkward silence ensued of the three of them just staring at each other.

Ayeon said nothing, just crossing her arms over her chest but Mina beamed cheerfully, “That sounds great.”

He looked over at Ayeon until she met his eyes, “Care to help, detective?”

She pushed herself off the counter and followed him to the back, “You need two people to make tea?”

“I think I just need help playing catch up.” He said while filling the kettle.

Ayeon moved to stand next to him, her shoulder pressing against his back as she watched him fill two mugs, “She quit her job with the paper. Says she wants to report on the _shenanigans_ of the other police officers instead. She’s ditching the Lucas story, I guess.”

He smiled when she leaned her head against his arm unknowingly, “I doubt she said _shenanigans_.”

“She knows about the hostage thing, says she heard the officer call me.” She mumbled.

He snapped his head towards her, but she shook her head, “Doesn’t know who did it. But she believes that I’m not the only case of ‘hazing and harassment’ at the precinct.”

“Is she right?” He said under his breath, looking away.

She swallowed the lump down her throat, and grabbed the pot of sugar, spooning in enough for her mug, “She could be.”

He said nothing, putting things away until she reached out, grazing her fingers down his arm to get his attention. He looked over at her, “Do you trust her?”

Ayeon shrugged, “I don’t know yet. But I know she really did quit and she’s going to do this with or without me. That’s not safe for her, especially if she doesn’t have a big paper backing her.”

“So, big sister Ayeon is coming through.” He said with a smirk.

“Fucking hell.” She muttered, much to his delight as he picked up Mina’s tea.

She felt him tug gently on her hair, “I’m on your side, if you like her, I’ll like her. You two are more than welcome to use the shop as your rendezvous.”

She couldn’t explain how grateful she was. She knew Jinah and Sora would think she was insane for not shutting Mina down on the spot. She couldn’t explain the benefit of the doubt that crept over her. She was thankful that Jaehyun didn't try to play devil’s advocate.

He frowned, “But you know, it’s going to be more hostile if anyone sees you two working together, especially if word gets out about what you’re working on. You’re going to make enemies.”

“Yeah, I know…there’s a lot we need to figure out.” She muttered.

He walked to the door, carrying the mug, “And I know you will, detective.”

\-----

She wasn’t sure if flirting was the right word.

But if it was, that was what she’d use to describe what Mina was doing to Jaehyun.

She was starting to regret bringing her here, maybe they were better off at her apartment or something. But that was a ridiculous and unfair thing to think. The two of them could do very well as they please, she had no say, but she felt like she had let someone else into her garden of Eden.

She hadn’t realized how protective of the shop she had become until someone else was in it.

Ayeon chose to maintain her silence, watching the two of them by Triple’s perch. Mina was actively telling Jaehyun about her theories and stories. He would smile and engage her in conversation, and it would distract her, his smile always distracted her, but it didn’t feel the same. Ayeon noticed how his smile would tighten whenever Mina dipped into stories of the treacherous things she suspected cops of doing. She wondered if it just made his hatred grow.

But then Mina would throw her head back and laugh, bright and happy. Then she’d flip her hair over her shoulder and flutter her lashes in a way that managed to look playful and cute. 

Ayeon wondered what she looked like if she threw her head back and laughed. Would it look as graceful and charmingly cheeky?

She looked away, discomforted with the tightening in her chest and antsy restlessness strumming impatiently in her body. She didn’t like this feeling, it was new and foreign, and it made her nauseous. It was an incessant buzzing that left her distracted.

“How exactly are you planning on taking this story on? You can’t rely on personal statements, assuming anyone would even want to talk, blue blood runs thick.” The question was directed at Mina, but he looked at Ayeon as he asked it.

Mina turned to Ayeon and chewed on her lip, “I honestly haven’t thought that far ahead. I didn’t think she’d ever want to see my face again.”

“You went through all this and you don’t even have a plan?” Ayeon deadpanned.

“You were my first point of contact.” Mina said sheepishly.

Jaehyun forgot what Ayeon was like when she was around someone new. He was so used to her comforting nature, where expressions would play across her face. He realized that he wasn’t looking at the Ayeon who spent 12 hours in his bed or the one that allowed him to cook for her despite the domesticity, he was looking at Detective Yoo who trusted no one and stuck to her intuition. He was looking at a woman who parsed her words and her energy out carefully. The one that was currently testing Mina’s credibility.

It was captivating to watch.

Ayeon carried so much power in her without yelling or throwing things around. Her silence and even her tone was intimidating. 

She glanced at her watch, “Well, figure out a plan. A _good one_. You need to think this out and decide if it’s really what you want to do and all the consequences that come with it.”

Mina nodded briskly and gathered her things to leave.

“Jaehyun, walk her home, I’ll lock up.” She winced when the words slipped out of her mouth, she had meant the opposite, instead, she came out sounding bitter.

“What?” He blurted out loud while shooting her an incredulous look, “What are you talking about? You’re the cop, and this is my shop.”

She pressed her fingers to her eyelids. She was feeling dizzy and her brain was taking too long to figure things out, “Right, sorry. That’s what I meant.”

She shook her head and picked up her jacket. He blocked her path, “You look sick.”

“Gee, thanks. I’m blushing.” She muttered, putting her jacket out.

He frowned and pressed his hand to her forehead, “Detective-“

“I’m fine. I just need to catch up on some sleep.” Her eyes felt like they weighed a ton as she pushed his hand away. She wasn’t sure how else to make up for 2 hours standing in the freezing cold.

“Do that. And drink some tea with lemon an—”

“I can take care o—”

“Of yourself. I know. We’ve done this dance before. Go home straight after. Drink fluids.” He said seriously. “And call me if you need anything.”

She met his gaze and softened, guilt creeping up at her previous tone. She always got defensive when he tried to look after her. She had to remind herself that he wasn’t trying to control her, he was actually worried about her health, “I will. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He let her pass and turned to see Mina watching them curiously, “Good night, you two.”

Mina waved but Ayeon was already walking out the door, bracing against the winds.

\-----

“I want us to work well.” Mina said firmly after the two of them spent 15 minutes marching against the cold in silence, “I want to be partners.”

Ayeon cut her a glance out of the side of her eyes but just continued walking silently.

“Like, not detective partners but…partners on this.”

“I’m still not sure what to make of you.” Ayeon said honestly, “I don’t trust you enough to be your partner.”

She nodded, “I understand, but I’m dedicated to change that!”

Her conviction would be noble if it was for a better cause, “Yeah, you do that.” She said dismissively.

More silence passed but Ayeon knew Mina was incapable of not breaking it, “I didn’t mean to cross the line earlier.”

Ayeon frowned, confused with what she was saying, “You didn’t.”

“I mean with Jaehyun.”

Ayeon stiffened a fraction at his name, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“He’s freaking beautiful, it was just a natural reaction to flirt a bit, I meant it as harmless as possible, sometimes I forget to turn it off when I’m around new people. Especially when new people look like they were carved by the gods.” Mina said with a laugh.

“Why are you telling me this?” She asked stiffly.

Mina waved her hand in circles as she searched for the word, “Because I know that he’s your…forever person.”

The sound that came out of Ayeon was a cross between a snort and a cough, “He’s my what?”

“You know, like _that_ person. Who’s just going to be there…forever.”

Ayeon made a face, “That’s an awful explanation for a journalist. You’re an adult, you sound crazy.”

Mina smiled, “Well, maybe I’m wrong, but you’re definitely his. No doubt.”

“That’s ridiculous and not true.” She said impassively.

“Really? Because he looks at you like you’re his soulmate.” She sang.

Ayeon felt a rush of cold air fill her lungs and hissed, “Fucking hell, Mina. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe I don’t, but he doesn’t really hide his emotions well, does he? You’re clearly all he cares about, you can see it when he looks at you.” She said it so easily, like there was not a more honest truth in the world.

“Please stop.” Ayeon felt a strange pressure on her brain and her throat was feeling more and more like sandpaper.

Mina shook her head with a knowing smile, “Ohhh, this is bad. The more you deny it, the more it’ll knock you out when you finally realize it.”

Ayeon rolled her eyes, it must be so simple to be young and just believe that every relationship was secretly romantic, that everyone was meant to be together. “You’re like what? 12? What do you know about being knocked out.”

“First, I’m 23. Second, I’ve been knocked out a few times, and trust me, it takes you for a whirl.” She said, speaking as if she had centuries of knowledge tucked inside her river of red hair.

“Mina, you’ve been around us for a fraction of a day. Don’t make stuff up.” Her head felt like someone was beating it in with a shovel.

“Okay, detective.” She said smugly but Ayeon’s head was feeling too murky to snap back at her tone.

They stood in front of a small semi, “Is this you?”

“Yeah, I rented it after I quit, I needed to downsize now that I don’t have a paycheque.”

Ayeon nodded, it wasn’t in the best part of town, “Well…call me when you figure out how you’re going to play this. It won’t be easy. If you think interviewing people about Lucas was hard, wait until you start asking them about systemic harassment.”

“Wait…are you saying you’ll help?” Mina’s eyes were bright and excited.

Ayeon winced and looked away. She ran her fingers through her hair and prayed to the universe that this entire thing wasn’t going to bite her in the ass, “I don’t know yet, you have no plan.”

“Right.” Mina said softly.

Ayeon looked at her feet before squeezing her eyes shut, “But you might want to start with a timeline.”

“A timeline?”

She shrugged, “I imagine you’d want the public to start talking before the new commissioner gets announced in the spring.”

Mina’s eyes widened, “Thank you.”

Ayeon shook her head and turned away, “It’s too soon for gratitude.”


	17. peonies

Ayeon’s first thought when she woke up was that someone had slammed her head against the wall.

It took a moment for her to fully realize that no, it was much, much worse.

She was sick.

Her throat stung and burned at the same time, her head throbbing violently to the point where she could feel it in her gums. Even the sun bleeding into her room was too bright that she squeezed her eyes shut. Fucking Mina. If it wasn’t for her, she wouldn’t have been outside for 2 hours in the freezing cold.

Ayeon laid limply in bed for a few more hours, hoping that passing out would somehow heal her. Safe to say, it didn’t. She didn’t know how she could be both sweating through her shirt and shivering until she couldn’t write her name properly. Regardless, she somehow found the strength to slap a coat and hat on, still in her pajamas, and make it to the small pharmacy to buy the strongest bottle of cold medicine she could find.

She didn’t know how she made it back to her apartment, but the minute she kicked her door open, she stood in by her kitchen and chugged the entire bottle in one shot before dropping the emptied bottle and falling face first back into her bed.

She wasn’t good at getting sick.

When Soya got sick, she would make herself herbal tea, healthy soups and stay active. Jinah just worked until the sickness was exhausted out of her. Ayeon, on the other hand, would just lay like the dead until whatever bug passed over like a cloud.

She could feel the cold medicine start to take over as the throbbing turned into a dull beating and soon she was delightfully passed out.

She hated getting sick.

\-----

She didn’t come in.

It threw Jaehyun off, and he had stood in the middle of his shop for 5 minutes, uncertain what to do when Ayeon didn’t come strolling in like she normally did. It disturbed him, it felt like he was wearing uneven shoes.

It was then that he realized that so much of his ecosystem hinged on Ayeon being there. He didn’t know what to do with himself without her lingering around, in her own silent bubble as they both worked harmoniously.

He tried to push it out of his mind, he tried to focus on his job, his long list of ‘to-dos’ that had slowly been pushed aside as they built up. He tried to keep his mind in one piece, because it was Ayeon, and she probably got caught up in something important and would probably be strolling in after lunch with a list of things that annoyed her that morning. It’d be fine.

But then Soya came in.

And Soya _never_ comes in.

He looked up, the shock too evident before he turned on the customer service voice, with slightly more warmth that he’d usually use, “Hi, how can I help you?”

“She’s not here?” Soya blurted out.

Now see? That was concerning.

His face tensed, “Ayeon? No, I haven’t seen her all morning, I assumed she’d be with you or at the precinct.”

Soya looked uneasy as she hesitated by the door. He frowned and moved around the counter to get closer to her, “What’s wrong?”

“She hasn’t answered any of our calls and Ayeon _always_ answers her phone.”

He thought about what he had said to her last night, about how if she worked with Mina things would get very difficult and dangerous if anyone found out. A disgusting fear starting gnawing at him.

Surely no one had seen them in his shop last night.

“I can go to he-“

“It’s fine.” Soya said quickly, cutting him off, “I have a key, I’ll go check but…let me know if you hear anything?”

He wished he could do more, but he just nodded, “Of course.”

She sighed and gave him a small smile before running out of his shop. Triple sat up, ears perked as he tracked Soya with his eyes. He looked up at Jaehyun, as if demanding an explanation. Jaehyun scratched the top of his head before turning away.

He wondered if it was normal.

He wondered if it was normal to feel like he couldn’t focus without her near.

\-----

“I almost lost my shit do you know that?” Soya hissed as she pressed a damp towel on Ayeon’s forehead.

Finding Ayeon faced down on her bed with a burning fever was probably the best-case scenario.

Ayeon moaned, upset that she was forced awake before the medicine had worn off, “Thank you.”

Sora’s lips twitched, Ayeon was drugged out of her mind, “Non-drowsy would be smart, you know, for next time.”

“Shhh, you’re too loud, wench.” Ayeon slurred.

Soya glanced at her watch nervously, before adjusting the comforter around Ayeon. Her temperature was too erratic, she couldn’t be left alone like this when she was too loopy to form a proper sentence.

“You need to go?” Ayeon whispered quietly, staring at her friend blearily.

“Um…me and Jinah have a conference out of the city, our flight is in 3 hours, but it’s okay, Jinah can just go on her own or take someone else. I’m going to stay with you, okay hon?” She cooed softly.

Ayeon weakly lifted a hand and waved her away, “Noooooo, I’m fine, I’m good to go. Go with Jinah, I just need to nap.”

Soya scoffed, “I’m staying.”

“No, look, I’m getting up and getting ready to go to work.”

Silence fell before Soya spoke, “You’re still in bed.”

“Just gooooooooo.” She said into her pillow.

Soya rocked nervously on her heels, she couldn’t just leave her friend here, if the roles were reversed, Ayeon would never walk away.

“Please.” Ayeon croaked when she saw her friend unmoving, “Go!”

“Okay, okay, just go to sleep.” She picked up Ayeon’s phone from her nightstand, “I’ll put our hotel’s number, okay? You call no matter what.”

Ayeon waved her hand weakly before closing her eyes. Soya opened Ayeon’s phone but stared at the unread message on her lock screen.

 **Jaehyun** : **Haven’t seen you today. Please call me if you need anything. I hope you’re okay.**

Soya chewed on the inside of her lip in thought, contemplating how much she truly wanted Jaehyun interwoven with Ayeon before swiping to reply.

**Ayeon: Hey, I’m super sick, stuck in bed. Could you maybe come around with some soup after work?**

Soya winced as she hit send, knowing it sounded nothing like Ayeon but hoping that Jaehyun would be too worried about her to notice. 

**Jaehyun: I’ll close early and come over now.**

Soya let out a stunned laugh as she stared at his response. She was starting to see why Jinah refused to give up Jaehyun, he really gave you his all when you have him. She looked over at her sweating and unconscious friend and felt a rush of emotion overwhelm her knowing that Ayeon had someone in her phone like that.

She set the phone back down and smoothed her palm over Ayeon’s hair, “Help’s on the way, hon, I’ll never leave you on your own.”

\-----

Jaehyun nudged her front door open with his toe as he heaved bags through Ayeon’s threshold. He _knew_ she looked sick last night. He was a little mad at himself for not checking in on her earlier. He paused by the kitchen where he deposited the bags and stared at her couch. The last time he was here, he was beaten and bruised with Ayeon making it her personal mission to make his life so, _so_ much better.

It felt like ages ago, and he felt like a much different person as he stood in her home now.

He moved around the counter when he kicked something on accident, he looked down and stared at the empty bottle of cough medicine by his feet and let out a despondent sigh. He eyed the bedroom door that was left open wearily and approached it, bracing himself for what was on the other side.

Her room was exactly what he thought it would look like, clean lines, simple colours with books strewn around her desk and some clothes tossed on a chair. Ayeon was spread out sideways on the bed, her hair damp and messily stuck to her face. Her breathing was rasped and uneven as she slept, and he felt the frown deepen. He didn’t think it was this bad.

He walked over quietly as to not wake her up and pressed his palm against her forehead, his eyes widened at the freezing cold. She groaned, peeling her eyes open to stare at him. She blinked a few times to focus on his face before the recognition kicked in.

“Hi, detective.” He said with a small smile, “How are you feeling?”

Her groan was louder and more agonized, “Everything hurts.”

He crouched down next to her and surveyed her, “I brought a hot water bottle, I’ll fill it and you can hug it to sleep, okay? Bring your temperature up.”

She rolled towards him and just stared into his eyes, unfocused, “You smell like roses.” She mumbled, blearily.

He grinned, “Peonies actually but I get your point.”

She hummed and felt her eyes droop, “Do you taste like roses too?” He stilled, letting out a breath before standing and stepping away as if minimal distance would do anything to help.

“Sit tight, detective.” He muttered before turning away.

He made sure to give the bottle of medicine on the floor a bitter kick on his way.

\------

He couldn’t remember the last time he fussed over someone this much. He would constantly be coming in and out of her room to replace bowls of food with glasses of water and tea. He’d switch hot water bottles with damp towels and change pillow covers when she could sweat through them. He couldn’t sit still, he needed to do something to feel like he was helping her.

He was hoping the pain and soreness that sometimes came with a cold was subsiding because she was no longer groaning.

She was just staring.

And she wasn’t stopping.

He kept his eyes averted as he shoved her pillow into another cover. “Is there anything you need?”

“Nope.” She said as she continued to watch him, he was incredibly easy to stare at. He _looked_ like a fucking flower.

He finally cut his gaze towards her, “You’re staring.”

She smiled slyly, “Yes because you are apparently carved by the gods.”

His eyes widened, bewildered, “What?”

“I’m not going to lie, I see it.” She cooed.

He was silent for a moment, at a total loss, blindsided by her drunken compliment. There was a thudding in his chest at the way she looked at him, but it shriveled up because the reality was that the gaze was influenced by the now empty bottle on floor. He snapped out of the daze and finished with the pillow before sliding it under her head, adjusting it a little.

If he was carved by the gods, then whatever carved her must be a being far more powerful, her existence might quite literally be why the earth was created. He was about to walk away but her hands shot out so fast, that he flinched, she grabbed both sides of his head and dug her nails in, “I want to juice your head like a citrus fruit. Just squeeze out everything you’re thinking and drink it.”

He opened his mouth to reply but was stunned into silence when she let go of his head to hook her arm around his neck and pulled him towards her.

“Are you…are you trying to put me in a headlock?” He asked dubiously as she grunted, pulling her arm against his throat.

“Hang on. I’ve almost got you.” She muttered, trying to drag him down. Unfortunately, she wasn’t as strong as she’d normally be as Jaehyun swiftly ducked out of her grip. “You shouldn’t be stronger than me.”

He laughed and shook his head at her scowl, “You’re incredible, detective. It’s insane.”

“I’m sick, is what I am.” She hissed, her evident bitterness just making him smile more.

Her eyes were bloodshot, but she still scanned him before a weak hand patted the space next to her, “Sit down, let’s have a chat.”

“I need to get you tea.” He fired back.

She flipped open her blanket, “Step into my office and let’s converse.”

He shouldn’t have sat down on the bed, but she was so delirious, and it was infectious.

The minute he sat down, she ran her fingers through his hair, sat up and pressed their noses together before whispering, “I might be your soulmate.”

He was enchanted by every single fiber of her being, but he was also rational, “You’re drugged up out of your mind, detective. Whose brilliant idea was it for you to empty that entire bottle of flu medication?”

She grinned loosely, still too close to him, “But am I right? Am I your soulmate?”

Her grin grew in glee when she caught his pupils dilating, even against the rich brown of his eyes and the sharp tone of his inhale. But like a man with half a brain would do, he pulled her arms off of him and carefully, gently rolled her until she was spread out on her bed. Her smile was replaced with a groan and a wince while her head spun.

He gently tucked her under the blanket and tapped a finger against her forehead, “Get some sleep.”

She swatted his hand away in annoyance and he nearly laughed at how quickly she reverted back to a patient on the brink of death. “Please bring me some sleep.” She slurred. 

His smile grew in fondness, “I’ll do my best, detective.”

He dimmed the lights but kept the door slightly the ajar before walking to the kitchen where it was much cooler. Nothing ever tore at him more than the utter beauty that one single woman could possess. He took calming breaths and distracted himself with putting together some semblance of a meal to store in her fridge.

It was okay to be honest because cough medicine was like a drug and he’d much rather her try again, sober.

\-----

Soulmate was a strong word.

It meant that you weren’t just tied to each other on a physical level, but on something so much higher, on something that was not tangible. That two people were connected by the essence of their beings were meant to be together.

Soulmates could not be separated, not through life or death.

They changed your makeup as a person.

Soulmates were forever.

But now that word was thick on his tongue like when you have something sweet and it stays in your mouth long after you’ve eaten it.

The loud crash had him stumbling over his thoughts and tripping over his feet, bursting into her room. He had just come back from doing her laundry, he was running out of towels and pillow cases, he had yet to check on her. He looked around frantically before finding the door to her bathroom wide open. He paused for a second, taking in the sight of Ayeon on the floor of her shower, with her shirt half off, shampoo bottles scattered around her as water pattered against her hair.

He knew there was a chance she was hurt but his lips still twitched in an attempt to hide a smile. Ayeon was glaring at one of the bottles like it was her mortal enemy but any anger was offset by the way her wet hair hung over her eyes.

There was nothing quite like the flu to make an intimidating, indestructible detective seem much, _much_ more human.

“What was the plan here?” He asked as he reached out to shut off the water.

She feebly pushed her damp strands off her face, “I was sweaty. I thought I could handle a shower.”

He crouched down next to her and gathered her hair in one hand before squeezing some of the water out of it, “I think you might need some help.”

“With showering? I can manag—oh god make the room stop spinning.” She leaned her head against the wall of the shower.

He grimaced, “Why don’t I bring a chair or a stool for you to sit on?”

“My legs aren’t broken.” She muttered against the glass. “Please, I have _some_ dignity left.”

He raised his brow, “More dignity than you just showering on the floor?”

She tilted her head so he could see one of her eyes, “Bring me a chair.”

\-----

How she managed to shower and get re-dressed was beyond Ayeon but the moment of peace that the hot water had done for her head didn’t last long as the pounding returned. She was perched on the edge of her bed, her head hung with the towel haphazardly thrown over her hair as she tried to quell the catastrophic pain ringing in her ears.

“How are we doing in he-oh, not well I see.”

She groaned at Jaehyun’s voice without moving. He smiled slightly and walked towards her, reaching for the corner of the towel and pulling it off her wet hair. He slung it over his shoulder and gently, with the softest touch, tilted her head up. She blinked heavily at him, with a pout, “Ugh, what now?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, dragging his nails against her scalp, carefully massage her head. She sighed, her eyes falling closed before resting her head against his stomach, “That’s better.”

“Dete-“

“Shh shh.” She said as she closed her eyes. Her palms slid slowly around his waist until she was hugging him against her cheek. He screwed his own eyes shut, ground his teeth together. The two of them barely hugged, this was uncharted territory.

He took the towel and gently started drying her hair, “Care to keep your hands to yourself, detective?”

She tightened her grip in defiance as she mumbled incoherently, “I used to be so good at ballet. So, fucking good.”

That was unexpected.

“I bet you could still pull off a leotard, detective.”

“I deserve a do-over.” She whispered.

He stopped drying her hair, cupped her face and crouched down to meet her eyes, “For what?”

Her lips turned down as her hands fell to her lap, “If someone breaks your spirit, you should deserve another shot. I didn’t mess up, it was my father’s fault. Rat bastard.”

Jaehyun was silent and just inspected her eyes like there were secrets hiding in them that he could reveal, but she just winced, pulled the towel from his hands and fell back on the bed, letting the towel cover her face.

“You more than anyone else deserves that do over.” He said softly but she said nothing, either because she passed out or just chose not to respond, but he turned the lights off and left the door ajar regardless.

She pulled the towel off her face when he left and just stared up at the ceiling, thinking about how no matter what happened her, she would always be plagued by her father.

Sometimes, she wished that the heart attacks would just kill him. She wished that whenever the hospital called her, it was to tell her that he passed away. But she would never speak this out loud.

She was his daughter, after all. His blood.

\-----

Ayeon’s temperature had continued to stabilize throughout the night and when it was clear that she wasn’t going to wake up for the rest of the night, he left water and a heating pad on a table with a small note instructing her to go to her fridge for her food before he finally convinced himself that 12AM was late enough, all she needed now was sleep. He headed home, feeling strange like the last few hours didn’t really happen.

It was his own personal twilight zone, where Ayeon asked for help, where her eyes were whetted with emotion and where she touched him like he eased her pain. By the time he made it to his apartment, the silence became too foreign. Triple was passed out and he felt grossly alone. The peacefulness of his home no longer felt comforting. It felt impersonal and empty. He wasn't used to any of it.

He crawled into his bed and passed out immediately, hoping that when he woke up, the universe would return to normal.

\-----

And maybe someone heard his prayers because the next morning he was graced with the universe right-side up again.

“Oh, look who’s up and about.” He said when he came out of the back to find Ayeon leaning against his workbench.

The mere sight of her sent vibrations running up his veins. He was relieved to see her face flushed with colour and able to move on her own without her limbs looking like they weighed a ton.

“Barely.” She muttered, her voice still recovering from the stuffy nose and sore throat. “But I was able to get out of bed this morning because of you.”

Smoke and ivy.

He tilted his head, “It was my civic duty.”

She rolled her eyes, a small smile on her lips, “You did my laundry. That’s going above and beyond your civic duty.”

“That’s nothing compared to the shortlist of things I’d do for you, detective.” He said seriously.

She met his gaze, scanning his face slowly, like she was soaking it in, “Thank you.” She said so gently that his heart constricted. He devastated her with everything he said. When he spoke, it felt like she was flooded with vibrant colours that she had never seen before. “I mean it.”

She thanked him like he had done a great service, like helping her was some sort of a sacrifice to be made, “You would’ve done the same, detective. In fact, I’m pretty sure you have.”

“I know but Soya said I was…difficult when I was hopped up on cold medicine. I can’t imagine that being easy all by yourself.”

His smile grew and it took everything in her power not to look away from the overwhelming weight that was always in his gaze, “Detective, I think I can handle you.”

“Bold.” She snorted before lifting something from the ground and setting it on the table, “Anyways, I thought I’d bring you something, you know, to say thank you.”

He stared at the floral arrangement in front of him. Simple colours, simple flowers, his eyes floated around the arrangement, drinking in the shades and curves of the petals. He didn’t recognize the work.

“You bought a floral arrangement from one florist to give to another florist?” He teased as he reached out to touch one of the petals.

She took a nervous breath. “No, I actually made it myself.”

His smile froze before it melted into a look of uncensored shock. “You…what?”

“I…uh bought some different flowers from the supermarket. Watched a lot of YouTube videos and pricked myself a bunch.” She said while holding up her hands with band-aids around her fingers. “But I thought it would mean more this way. Just how thankful I am.”

Why was she so magnificent?

He refused to believe that the world had created someone so beautiful, strong and kind and included her in his life.

It just wasn’t possible.

He never got that lucky in life. People like her were never meant for him, yet there she was, looking ridiculously stunning and oblivious to the utter selfless kindness that it seemed no one possessed but her. A part of him was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He leaned across his workbench, closer to her, “Want to know a secret, detective?”

She raised her brows, intrigued, “Sure.”

“You’re one of my favourite people.” He said with a slow smile.

Her expression didn’t reveal anything at first, her eyes just darted around his face, like she was trying to determine if he was joking. “Is that a secret?”

“Apparently a poorly kept one.” He retorted.

Something in her expression softened and something close to longing lurched in his throat. “Well, I don’t keep a list of my favourite people.”

She turned to the door but just before she walked out, she looked over her shoulder, locking eyes with his, “But if I did, you’d be pretty high up on it.”

That was that, he determined.

She was thoroughly out to wreck him.

And it was working.


	18. moonflowers

“And what about Detective Yoo?”

Jinah stilled, her fingers tightening around her notebook. She stared at the Commissioner, her skin crawling at the sound of Ayeon’s name out of his mouth. Nothing pained her more than these quarterly meetings. It shouldn't even be here, it should've been the Chief, but apparently being a lazy slag meant that you never had enough to report about, “I’m not sure what you mean, sir.”

“I hear she’s on leave…again.”

“She’s not on leave. She’s currently working off-campus.”

“Off-campus.” He repeated with a touch of reprehension.

She clenched her jaw, “Dr. Lee says she’s been making remarkable progress, she should be clear to return to the field anytime now.”

He chose to ignore her, “I don’t want the press spinning stories about our officers being unable to work out of their own precinct.”

 _Well what the fuck do you want me to do about that?_ She wanted to snap, instead just remained stoic and nodded briskly, “Yes sir.”

“The press is quite taken with her, aren’t they?”

Jinah bit down on the inside of her cheek until she could taste blood. His tone shifted, he sounded like he was planning something like a rickety old lightbulb switched on over his head. She hated this, she made an effort so that Ayeon remained as low on their radars as possible, she kept her name out of meetings and dodged questions keenly, but this felt disgusting like a scheme was being plotted involving Ayeon but she couldn't figure out what it was. 

“The press has probably already moved on to the next shiny thing.” She kept her voice even.

The Commissioner said nothing and just gazed out the window, “And that reporter…is she still digging around?”

“No sir, my contacts have said that she actually no longer works with the paper, and seeing how the podcast is currently being reviewed, it seems that no one cares for it. She’s left us alone far as I can tell.” 

He clasped his hands behind his back, “For your sake and mine, let’s hope it stays that way.”

Jinah’s clenched her jaw and fought every urge to whip her file at his head, knocking the hair plugs straight out, “Yes, sir.”

“That’s all.”

Jinah stood for a second, stared at his back before flipping her middle finger at him and walking out.

\-----

Ayeon couldn’t stop staring at Jinah and Soya.

There was something remarkable about their relationship. It was so strong like it would withstand anything that came its way. Beyond Soya’s bubbly nature and Jinah’s more skeptical one, they were both so in sync. The adoration for each other was unending like they would go to the end of the planet for each other. They trusted each other and would probably never hesitate to put their lives in each other’s hands.

She was at their house on the weekend, it was almost the only time they’d be more open with their affection when they weren’t at the precinct. Jinah was smiling at something that Soya was saying as she popped a wine bottle open, when Soya leaned closed, Jinah bumped their noses together, staring into Soya's eyes with a type of affection that didn't come cheap. Soya's lips parted as if it was she was falling in love for the first time before kissing Jinah sweetly on the mouth.

It was always the little things. Like the way Jinah would open their lunches, spooning them onto a plate and pulling out cutlery while Soya ranted about a shitty day at work. Or like when Soya would say something small that would launch the both of them into a fit of laughter.

And it was the way they’d look at each other. Their eyes would just lock, and something would change, like there was something shared that only the two of them understood. She thought about how the two of the met. The pain, the fear, the trust, the reliance. The two of them had overcome so much to be where they were now. In love with nothing in their way.

But it never took long before the ugly thoughts crawled into Ayeon’s mind.

Her mom must’ve felt the exact same way, the love, the protection, as if she’d found her one true love. It all crumbled down around her, that man changed, he destroyed her. Ayeon stared hard at her two friends, what if one day she woke and one of them changed, one of them became controlling, poisonous, lecherous?

How would the other person know until it was too late?

Why risk falling in love when the pain can be irreversible?

“Ayeon?”

She flinched and looked up to see Jinah watching her, “Are you okay? Did you eat?"

She nodded and felt something unwind in her chest. No, Jinah and Soya were different, they were the exception and they were lucky. Ayeon had to be more worried about her self.

It seemed she was born under an unfortunate star.

\-----

“I have a new question.”

Dr. Lee had gotten used to Ayeon arriving with questions. She wasn’t one to share, the exception about her dad not included, she would ask questions.

That’s how she would share.

“Shoot.” Dr. Lee said as she repositioned her glasses.

“Why do people fall in love?”

Dr. Lee paused, turning the question over in her head, searching for an answer herself. “Why did this come up?”

“I was just thinking about Soya and Jinah. How they met and fell in love. It turned out really well for them but what if it didn’t. After everything they’ve been through, why would they risk that? Why bother?”

Dr. Lee couldn’t move, stunned at the anger and animosity, “People often don’t choose to fall in love. It happens, sometimes quickly, sometimes over time.”

“So…you can’t stop it?”

She shook her head, “You can’t stop falling love but that doesn’t ever mean that you _must_ act on it.”

“So…it’s a choice?”

It was dawning on Dr. Lee that romance and love were things that Ayeon never experienced in a natural way. It was never something she spoke about with her mom or father. Her father wasn’t exactly welcoming, and her mother probably had her own feelings that hindered her view on romance.

“It is a choice how we act on our feelings and how we reciprocate them. But it isn’t always a choice who we fall for or why we fall for them.”

Ayeon mulled her words over, “So why do people choose to act on it? Even if they’re in love. Why would they choose to give everything in their heart to someone who could throw it all away? You can’t…love isn’t guaranteed. It can fade.”

“You’re right. Absolutely right.” Dr. Lee admitted, “Love is not an easy thing Ayeon, there is a lot of risk and a lot of unknowns. People choose to be in relationships because they met someone who they believe is worth it. Worth trying with because there might be a chance that they’re the one that will last.”

Ayeon frowned, trying to make sense of it, “And if it doesn’t work…”

“Then you might have a broken heart for a while but eventually you piece it back together and try again.”

It was slowly making sense. “Hoping that it would stick?”

“Yeah.” Dr. Lee said with a nod.

“And you keep doing it until it does?”

She shrugged, “Some people do.”

“Can someone’s heart survive after being broken that many times?” Ayeon asked, curiously.

“You’d be surprised at how strong it is.” Dr. Lee said softly, “It takes an incredible type of bravery to give your heart to someone.”

“That…that sounds stupid.”

Dr. Lee couldn’t control the bubble of laughter that came out her mouth, “That’s true. It does. But bigger the risk, bigger the reward, some would say.”

“So, there’s no way in knowing if you’d be hurt by someone?”

There it was.

“Well, sometimes there are signs or patterns. Sometimes it’s in the way your friends might tell you that a guy looks sketchy or your gut will scream warning signs. Sometimes there are no visible signs. It’s terrifying, but there are good people in the world, Ayeon. People who love honestly, happily and healthily.”

Ayeon chewed on the inside of her cheek, “If we’re luckily enough, I suppose.”

“How have the letters been going?” Dr. Lee asked. 

Ayeon nodded, still distracted, “I’ve written one to Soya and one to Jinah. But those were pretty easy letters to write.”

“Who would you consider hard to write to?”

“Lu-Lucas.” She cleared her throat.

Dr. Lee sighed quietly, “It’s good that you’re starting easy, work your way up. You’re doing really well, Ayeon. Just keep at your own pace. Even if you’ve run out of easy people to write to, just keep writing until you’re ready to write to someone more difficult.”

Ayeon nodded uneasily but knew it was for the best, “Okay.”

"Ayeon, have you ever been in love?" Dr. Lee asked. 

She shook her head, "I've never really dated. I've hooked up with a few guys, just a one-night thing but never anything more. I never had breakfast or went on dates...I-I that isn't normal, is it?" She whispered the last part like she was ashamed. 

"Everyone is different. Some of us feel more comfortable in long term relationships, some of us don't. There is no norm."

Ayeon looked at her hands, "But how do I know what I like when I've never been in a long-term relationship?"

"Why haven't you tried before?" 

Ayeon slowly curled her fingers into her palm, digging in with her nails, "My mom said that men suck you dry, that they kill your ambition, that all they want to do is break your spirit like you're some sort of racehorse. She would say that I had so much to offer the world and that a man would just take that away from me and shackle me down so that the world wouldn't get to have me."

Dr.Lee nearly cursed out loud in shock, Ayeon said it so calmly, so matter-a-factly, "Well, your mother experienced the world a lot differently than you currently are. Her words are true in the context that she is in." 

Dr. Lee pulled her glasses off and faced Ayeon with a stern gaze, "You will not meet a man like your father. Abusive relationships are not hereditary."

\-----

“A bunch of the boys are getting together for dinner, you coming?” Taeyong asked without even saying hello when Jaehyun answered his call.

Jaehyun ran a towel through his hair, “Hello to you too.”

“It’s time sensitive. Hurry, I need an answer.” Taeyong said impaitently. 

“Boys?”

“Haechan came back from Japan, so everyone wants to catch up but Mark’s still in America so it’ll just be the rest of us.”

Jaehyun paused, before his drifted to a small group photo that was tucked at the back of one of his shelves. He wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep with a good book after spending all day running errands, but it had been a while since he saw them together.

He was getting tired of hiding from friends.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

\-----

“Thank fuck.” Haechan muttered when he saw Jaehyun and Taeyong walk into the Thai restaurant.

Taeyong grinned, “You didn’t think we’d flake, did you?”

“You? No. Jaehyun? I couldn’t bet on it.” Haechan shot back as he gave both men a warm hug, “It’s been a minute, huh?”

Jaehyun smiled at his friend, “A quiet minute.”

“Ha ha. Cute. Sit down and let’s order.”

Jaehyun looked over where Jungwoo stood, shaking hands and patting backs as everyone settled in, but his eyes stayed on Taeil who gave him an unsure and measured smile. Guilt pricked him, Haechan and Mark were in other countries but Jungwoo and Taeil were in his city and he barely made the effort to see them.

“It’s good to see you.” Jaehyun offered up first.

Taeil’s eyes widened before a relaxed smile cracked, “You too, man.”

It felt like something in the air changed and everyone let out a collective breath as they fell back into old routines, conversation flowing naturally as they caught up on months spent apart and laughed over jokes and remembered what it was like to be friends again.

\-----

“What about you, Jae?”

Jaehyun lifted his eyes and glanced at Jungwoo who was peering at him curiously. Plates had long been cleared and the restaurant had emptied out by the time the men had ordered their coffees, “What?”

“Are you seeing anyone?” 

His mind betrayed him by flashing images of Ayeon in his mind. She wasn’t his girlfriend, they were not seeing each other and nothing even close to romance simmered between them. She was still the only face that came to mind. “No, not at the moment.”

He could feel Taeyong staring at him as Jungwoo sat up, intrigued, “What if I set you up with someone?”

“What are you talking about?” Jaehyun snorted incredulously.

Taeyong leaned forward, something mischievous glinting in his eye, “That might be a good idea.”

“Yeah! I have a ton of single friends who keep asking me to set them up with a good guy.”

Haechan grinned, “No better candidate than Mr.Senior Class President.”

Jaehyun shot Haechan a look, “You will never let that go, huh?”

He looked back over at Jungwoo, “And I haven’t dated since…since I quit my old job.” He said slowly, knowing that it was code for _since Haerin died._

Taeil chewed on his lip, “I mean, if you don’t want to date, then that’s that.”

Jaehyun let out a little breath, grateful that Taeil was always the easy going one, it must’ve come from being a detective. He was never pushy. He just waited until someone else said too much.

Taeyong, on the other hand, loved seeing where he could take Jaehyun, “Fair, but I’m sure we could set you up with someone who doesn’t want a serious relationship. That way you can still test the waters, have some practice, brush off the rust and go out on a date or two. Harmless.”

Jungwoo’s face lit up, “Yes! Oh my god, I know the perfect woman. She’s professional, she’s funny and she’s only looking for something casual.”

Taeil twisted his wedding ring, shaking his head, “Man, alive. I will never miss being single.”

Jungwoo laughed before coughing to disguise it. Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “Brag, we know how happy you both are.”

He looked over at Haechan who was innocently sipping his coffee, “You too. Married at 22, I still can’t believe it.” 

“Bite me, brother.” He said sweetly.

Jaehyun shook his head with a laugh, “I don’t know why you’re so fixated on setting me up.”

“Because, you’ve nearly paid off the loan at the shop, you haven’t been with anyone since and there’s nothing really stopping you now.” He worded out slowly.

“That’s not true.” He blurted before looking away.

Taeil looked at his cup of coffee, uncomforted by the dark look passing Jaehyun’s face. He wasn’t quite sure why he managed to make the cut of people Jaehyun kept around, but he knew that things would never be the same between them. That Jaehyun kept him at an arm’s length that he didn’t keep Jungwoo, Haechan or Taeyong at.

He would always be a cop in Jaehyun’s eyes and to him, cops were not to be trusted. It was hard to pretend that it didn’t bother him, but he thought about Jinah and how he wouldn’t even pick up her calls. A selfish part of him was relieved that Jaehyun at least spoke to him.

“I know.” Jungwoo said softly. “No one expects you to forget, but there’s nothing wrong with dating and being happy. You’re not doing wrong by Haerin if you do.”

Jaehyun bristled, this was supposed to be a casual gathering, he didn’t want to dig through his past right now. 

“Why don’t you just meet one of my friends for dinner? She’s a realtor, fucking sharp as hell.” Jungwoo offered.

“Jungwoo.” Taeil warned gently, unsure of how Jaehyun would react to the badgering.

“Maybe it’s time to let yourself indulge.” Taeyong said quietly.

“I indulge.” Jaehyun muttered weakly, propping his head up with his fist.

Haechan made a face, “In what? You don’t date. I don’t think you’ve ever had a one night stand. What exactly have you indulged in?”

“Detective Yoo.”

Jaehyun took a sharp breath and shot his gaze over to Taeil but he wasn’t looking at him. Taeil was looking towards the front of the restaurant. Jaehyun followed his eye line to where Ayeon was standing, staring at them.

He let out a long breath, leaning back in his seat, just staring back at her. She was dressed in sweater and tights, her coat unbuttoned, and her hair tied up as if she stepped out from a cozy night in. He wanted to leave with her, desperately. Taeil stood, straightening up with a respectful bow.

She nodded at them, “Hi.”

Taeyong beamed, “Ayeon!”

Taeil blinked and looked over at him, “You two know each other?”

“Of course, I’m collecting an arsenal of detectives as friends cause you never know when they can come in handy.” Taeyong said with an eye roll. “Join us!”

Her eyes landed on Jaehyun who was just watching her, “No, I don’t want to impose, I was just picking up some food.”

He narrowed his eyes at her and her lips, finally, twitched into a ghost of a smile, “I’m trying to save some of the homemade food in my fridge to last through the week.”

“Sit with us until your order is ready.” Haechan offered kindly, pulling a chair from an empty table nearby and setting it across from Jaehyun.

She glanced uneasily at the front door, like she was contemplating making a run for it until Jaehyun spoke up, “It’s no imposition.”

Ayeon slowly took the seat but her body was tense as her eyes scanned over everyone.

Haechan tilted his head, “Actually, why don’t we get Detective Yoo’s perspective on it?”

“Ayeon is fine.” She said quietly, fisting her hands in her lap.

He smiled a little, “Okay, Ayeon, we were talking about Jaehyun’s love life.” He pointed at him as if she would struggle recognizing him.

“That’s enough.” Jaehyun said stiffly, suddenly uncomfortable with the topic in front of her.

Taeyong’s sat up a bit straighter at that, “Ayeon, what do you think? Should Jungwoo here set Jaehyun up with one of his friends?”

“The realtor?”

Jaehyun’s eyes slid to her, suddenly feeling nauseous. Ayeon gave them a small smile, “Sorry, I overheard.”

Taeyong’s shit eating grin was clear from his peripheral, “Thoughts?”

She looked at Jaehyun and he felt his throat close up, her eyes were tired, still a little bloodshot from the fading cold but they were warm, like melted chocolate, “You know Haerin is probably annoyed that she hasn’t met a woman yet, right? For someone without sisters, she’s probably running out of patience.”

The shock on all their faces was explicit, especially to Taeil, who watched a fellow detective speak about Haerin so easily, so confidently.

“You don’t hold back punches, do you, detective?” He said with a slow smile.

She didn’t smile, in fact, she looked quite bothered, “Do you want to date?”

“Yes.”

Everyone looked over at him, dumbfounded by how easy it was to get an answer out when he denied it with all his might earlier.

He soaked her in, wishing that she would just stay and have dinner with everyone. Just stay and talk to them like they were all friends. She ran her teeth of her lip and, like a curse, his eyes fell on her lips. Her normal lipstick was washed off, the natural skin bragging in their own appeal. He watched them form words, “Do you want to date her? The realtor.”

“No.” He said, not missing a beat.

He pulled his eyes back to hers and let them fall into a silent stare, the others entranced by the exchange. No one dared to break it except for the waitress.

“I have a lemongrass soup and green curry for Yoo Ayeon.”

Ayeon took a deep breath and slowly stood from her seat, “I think you shouldn’t waste time trying to set him up with the realtor and instead set him up with someone he actually wants.”

Jaehyun just tracked her with his eyes, watching her give everyone a polite bow as she collected the bag from the waitress and slipped out of the door. The minute she was gone, it was like a spell was broken on the table of men.

“Fucking hell.” Haechan whispered.

Taeil looked over at Jaehyun with a slight frown, “She doesn’t know…does she?”

Jaehyun glanced at his friend and shook his head slightly before picking up his mug.

“Ayeon…she’s Jinah’s best friend, isn't she?” Taeil continued cautiously. “Maybe you should talk to her about it?”

Taeyong held his breath, eyeing Jaehyun before pulling out his wallet. “Dinner’s on me.”

The round of complaints provided a good enough distraction for Jaehyun to avoid a question that he should’ve answered.

\-----

After settling on a split bill and spending 10 minutes in the cold saying goodbyes, the friends went their own ways, Taeyong tagging along with Jaehyun as they walked briskly through the cold.

“When the hell did that happen?”

Jaehyun glanced at Taeyong through the side of his eyes, “What?”

“When did you start to have feelings for Ayeon?”

Jaehyun was silent, neither a confirmation or denial ready. Taeyong wasn’t pleased with the silence, “You can’t deny it, for the love of god, if only you saw the way you looked at her.”

Jaehyun remained quiet for the only reason being he wasn’t quite sure what his answer would be.

Taeyong was lost in deep thought, “You want to date but not any of Jungwoo's friends because you want to date Ayeon. Am I close?”

Jaehyun pulled his keys out of his pocket as they rounded the corner in front of his shop, “Have a good night, Taeyong.”

\-----

“Hi.”

Jaehyun leaned against his door and closed his eyes, focusing on every facet of Ayeon’s voice through his phone. Like a shiny rock made up of different pieces.

Smoke and magic.

“Hi, detective.” He breathed out. “I wanted to apologize if you were ambushed at the restaurant.”

He heard the sound of a cutlery clinking together and figured that he had caught her in the middle of her meal. “It’s alright. Were those your friends?”

“Yeah, from school. Just catching up.” He crouched by the floor and stretched his legs out.

“I didn’t know you went to school with Detective Moon.” She said.

Nothing could get past a cop, “Yeah we did, feels like ages ago. We don't see each other as much.”

Silence passed a beat before she spoke again, “So, are you going to dinner with the realtor?”

A small smile worked up his face, “I think my dinners are exclusively for you.”

He couldn’t see how she had stopped pacing around her living room and just froze. He waited selfishly, he knew he could've covered the silence with a random comment or light-hearted laugh, but he wanted to know what she would say to him.

“Do you want to spend tomorrow together?” She asked with that same firm, no nonsense tone.

He let out a stuttered breath, he hadn't expected that, before smiling so hard that he had to press his hand against his mouth, “I’d absolutely love to.”


	19. hollyhocks

“She what?” Jinah’s whisper was so soft, so vulnerable and her eyes were trembling.

Taeil winced, rubbing his neck, “I’m sorry, I thought you knew. She found a picture of Haerin that was lost in evidence. She gave it to him for Christmas.”

Jinah’s hand unknowingly pressed against her heart, “Oh my god.”

“Jina-“ His words died when she looked up at him, tears in her eyes with the most loving smile gracing her lips.

A stunned laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head, almost in disbelief. “Soya was right.”

\-----

“I don’t have a plan.”

That was the first thing Ayeon said to Jaehyun when he met her by the corner that she had instructed him to by text.

Jaehyun didn’t care.

He absolutely could not care that she had no plan. She chose to spend her day with him, outside his shop, outside of her work, outside of duty and obligation. He didn’t care that she didn’t have a plan because she was standing in front of him with a snug beret capping the wavy black hair spilling over her shoulders and a soft sweater tucked under her jacket. 

He had never seen her like this before.

“That doesn’t seem like you.” He said with a smile that had her wincing and looking away, embarrassed.

She chewed on her lip, “I want it on record that I tried hard figuring something out.”

“The record shows it.” He replied with a wider smile, nudging her shoulder with hers.

Her lips twitched, ease soothing her shoulders into a relaxed slouch. She had blurted out the invitation last night and then scrambled to find something to do only to end up exposing the fact that up until he called her, her Sunday was meant for laundry and television.

They walked down the street, silence draping over them comfortably as they moved with aimless purpose. It was new to Ayeon, to be around someone who left her mind in peace, who didn’t rattle her into a pit of discomfort. He could induce a silence that didn’t follow with her muscles stiffened, like an animal waiting to be attacked. His silence was not predatory, it was welcoming, healing.

“You’re the first woman I’ve been out with in a while.”

Her eyes narrowed as she glanced at him, “I’m not out with you.”

His smile was disarming, and she was a cop. She _hated_ being disarmed, “We’re outside, detective. So, technically you _are_ out with me.”

“Why am I the first woman?” She deflected nicely.

He looked forward, zeroing in on a little pastry shop that he thought she’d like, “When all you have in your name is a little flower shop that barely had ends meeting, you learn that you don’t have time for a lot.”

“But you make time for me.” She said dubiously.

He reached for the door of the pastry shop, holding it open for her. She stared up at the sign, looking at him quickly before stepping in. He followed closely behind, and she was acutely aware of him and his nearness.

“There are certain things that you don’t have to make an effort to make time for, you just naturally find the time.”

\-----

“Jaehyun, no.” She hissed, gripping his wrist tightly, fighting off the piece of chocolate that he was determined to get her to eat.

His grin was so stunningly blinding that people around them had started to stare at him.

“C’mon, detective. Chocolate covered crickets are a delicacy in some parts of the world.” He sang, only fueling her glare. The two of them had a pleasurably nice time perusing display cases of sweets, picking and choosing before Jaehyun had wandered off to the international section.

Much to her nightmare.

“I’ll throw you in jail.” She scowled, looking at the cricket for half a second before groaning in disgust. “I can’t believe you’re doing to this to me. I don’t even think the French eat this.”

They were tucked in the corner of the shop, seated at the only table available, meaning they were crammed on either side of a small table, their knees pressed against each other.

He let out a mock gasp, “There’s no way a detective, a crime fighter, a hero, would cower in front such a small arthropod.”

She nearly gagged, “Why would you call it an arthropod? You’re not helping.”

“C’mon.” His voice dipped, lower, softer, more taunting that it had her looking to his eyes, latching onto the richness of them.

She hated when he did this.

She hated when he spoke to her in a way that would most likely repeat itself in her head when it was quiet, and she was alone.

“Don’t make me eat that thing and I’ll owe you a favour.” She whispered.

His wrist immediately slackened in her grip. “You’re toying with Pandora’s Box, detective.”

“Toying with? I’ve flung it open at this point, just drop the _arthropod._ ” She muttered.

On command, he let go of the bug, letting it fall unceremoniously into a paper cup. She sighed in relief before releasing his hand. “Do you think it was worth it? I could ask you for anything. You might regret it.”

Her lips twitched and he watched, in awe as a smile curled up her lips as she pushed the paper cup away from her, “As long as it doesn’t involve a cricket, I’ll be okay.”

“You two are such a beautiful couple.”

Ayeon looked up at the older woman who had materialized next to their table, glammed up with a slick of red lipstick who smiled at them. Jaehyun’s eyes immediately fell on Ayeon, who looked confused and perturbed.

“What?” Ayeon’s voice was clear and crisp, void of a tremor but still demanding a response. Like she wouldn’t let the woman leave until she gave one. “Why would you say that?”

The woman’s smile faltered for half of a second as her eyes darted questioningly to Jaehyun who revealed nothing. “I just…just thought you two were quite lovely as a couple.”

Ayeon said nothing, her face falling blank as her eyes penetrated the woman until she skittered off with an awkward cough. Ayeon’s brows furrowed as she continued to stare off into the space where the woman just was. Jaehyun couldn’t properly decipher the knot in his gut while he began to gather the scraps of their food.

“Let’s go.” He said softly, just to her.

“No.”

He stilled, looking up at her, she was facing him, leaning back in her chair and stared at him as if she was trying to figure something out. “Let’s stay.”

\-----

“I got you something.”

“You can keep it.” She said quickly.

After spending hours walking down streets and streets of vintage shops, they had retired back in the closed flower shop, all the lights off except for the small lamp on her table. His back was to her, as he boiled water to make them tea. “I don’t think I’d have much use for it if I did.”

It unnerved her how nothing she ever said fazed him, in his soft pastels and lyrical voice, he’d just toss a comment right back at her, like he expected her responses.

“When did you even find the time to get me something?” She balked as he slowly turned to her.

He tilted his head, “Detective, do you know how much you’ve given me?”

“Fine.” She sighed. “Let me have it.”

“Close your eyes, detective.”

She gave him a look, “What if I refuse?”

“I’ll wait.”

“What if I never agree?” She shot back.

“I have patience.”

Rolling her eyes, she closed them and held out her hands, “Give it.”

She felt his hands first, smoothing over her palms softly before something weighted was placed in them.

“Okay.” He said gently. “Open.”

Ayeon opened her eyes and stiffened when she stared at the little music box in her hands with a ballerina posing on top.

“What.” She rasped out, unable to pull her eyes from the delicate painting and woodwork.

He reached a hand out and brushed her hair out of her face, “I thought about it, and no matter how much we want it, we don’t get do-overs. That’s okay because it just means we get to forge new paths.”

She said nothing and just held the music box up to her face as if to analyze every single molecule of it.

“You…bought me this.” She repeated to herself as thumbed the gold swirls.

“I think I know what my favour is.” He said abruptly

She raised a brow and lowered the music box away from her face, “That was quick. Not even 24 hours.”

“I don’t think I need any more time to think about it.” He said crossing his arms.

She shook her head, “Let’s hear it. Just know that I will not break the law.”

“You gave your insight on my love life last night. I want to know about yours.” He quipped.

“I don’t have one.” She said simply, busying herself with the music box.

His eyes warmed with this kind of kindness that made people want to share their dirtiest secrets without the fear of judgement, “I don’t want to know your history. That’s yours. I want to know about you now.”

“I feel like I’ve spent enough time with you that you would’ve known if I was seeing anyone.” She said passively.

He watched as she wound up the music box, letting the electronic rendition of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker play. She smiled and he wondered if she had ever danced to the song and if memories were flashing in her mind as she listened to it. He hoped they were good memories.

“Would you want to?” He asked.

She looked up and tilted her head, “Are you trying to set me up like your friend? Realtors aren’t my type, I should let you know up front.”

He smiled, and for the millionth time that day, she looked away, unable to digest the way his eyes curved, “Noted, but is that just to realtors or everyone?”

She stared at the music box in her hands, “Relationships, good, nice, happy relationships are like a foreign language. I know there’s meaning but I just can’t understand it.”

“And trying is too hard because every time you feel like you’ve decoded it, it changes.” He finished.

Ayeon snapped her head up, bewildered. He shrugged, “I understand. It’s how I’ve felt since Haerin.” 

“That’s no way to live, huh?” She said with a sad smile, “We should be eager to understand it. Not scared.”

“I don’t think I’m scared of the language itself. I’m scared of thinking I’ve understood only to realize I’ve been saying the wrong thing this entire time.”

The song came to an end but Ayeon twisted it, twice as much, and let it play, “I bet you regret wasting your favour on that.”

“I disagree, I like that I understand you better now. I want to know what you’re going to do.”

He was close.

That was her first realization.

His warmth had flushed through her body when she turned her head and found him so close that when she took a breath in, all she could smell was _him_. In a room full of flowers, no less. It was satisfying, she realized, feeling him close but not touching her.

The nearness was nice.

It was hard to remember when she last felt _near_ someone.

She traced her eyes over his face, drinking in the smooth lines, coated eyes and parted lips and felt the sickness spin in her throat. He was gorgeous, she thought. He leaned closer, his nose not close enough to brush hers but just about.

“What are you going to do, detective?” 

Such a banal question ended up sounding too much like a challenge from him, his voice quiet against her ear. She was surprised that his mouth had gotten so close to her and it sent shivers done her spine that she fought with a type of determination that she never knew she possessed.

A loud banging sent them sailing away from each other, Jaehyun’s eyes filled with a hardened glaze while Ayeon’s were wide, like she was shot with adrenaline. She went to set the music box down but in a rush, ended up knocking an empty vase to the ground, causing her to hiss when shards flew around hysterically. She looked at the sparkling glass against her shoes and automatically crouched down, reaching for a piece.

“Careful.” He said, causing her to still with her hand outstretched. “Let me get a broom.”

The banging rang out again and Ayeon rolled her jaw while standing, “I’ll get the door.”

She took a long breath, smoothing her hair back before walking to the door, leaving him with glass by his feet. Quite poetic considering the shattered tension. He was glad she was gone so she couldn’t see his hand trembling as he gingerly picked up the pieces, forgoing the broom.

This was good. He was glad for the interruption. It was better this way, without him knocking vases over because she was in his hands and his mouth was _anywhere_ on her. He clenched his jaw, forcing the churching in his stomach down at how intoxicating she was, how she grabbed him by the throat and pulled him close without him noticing it.

It was better with her knocking vases over to move away from him, not toward.

Because being around her, it was easy to drone everything out and just see her, and that smile, and laughter and everything about her that had Taeyong’s words echoing hauntingly in his mind.

_When did you start to have feelings for Ayeon?_

That was a good question.

Because he was vividly aware that a kiss between them wouldn’t be just a kiss. It wouldn’t be a mistake. It wouldn’t be a slip-up. It wouldn’t be a one-time thing. It wouldn’t be a lapse in judgment.

A kiss between them would last a lifetime.

And he wasn’t entirely sure she wanted that.

\-----

An annoyed sigh escaping Ayeon’s lips when she saw Mina frantically banging on the front door. She flipped the lights and swung the door open, a glare fresh in her eyes.

“What?”

Mina frowned, “Why are you so grumpy?”

“Just get in.” She muttered, pulling the girl into the store and locking the door behind her. “I feel like we’re going to need a call-before-coming rule.”

“Oh, hi Mina.”

She looked at Jaehyun, blinking at what looked like exhaustion covering his face before looking at Ayeon, “What were you guys doing in here?”

“Drinking tea.”

“Talking.”

Mina’s mouth opened as she watched Ayeon stare hard at Jaehyun before sighing, “Drinking tea and talking. That doesn’t matter. What are you doing here, Mina?”

“I think I’ve figured it out.” She raced to Jaehyun’s workbench and began pulling papers out of her bag, spreading them out.

Jaehyun stared over her head at Ayeon who could only look back, something had shifted between them, it was no longer anything that either of them could ignore or glaze over. It would no longer be a fading notice in the back of their minds but a brightly waving flag at the forefront of their conscious. The dynamic had changed so dramatically that it felt like the chemical makeup of their relationship would never be the same.

The gauntlet was thrown.

“Are you listening to me!?” Mina shrieked frantically.

Ayeon finally managed to take Mina’s appearance in, “Mina, have you slept?”

“Huh? Yeah, I closed my eyes when I showered this morning. It’s fine. I’ve been drinking coffee.” She was nearly vibrating.

Jaehyun tentatively lifted the girl’s Starbucks cup and eyed the order printed on the side, “Black iced Americano with…god…8 shots of espresso.”

“Okay, Mina, you need to drink water and sleep.” Ayeon said, reaching for the girl. Jaehyun ducked to the back and Ayeon could hear him turn the kettle on.

Christ, had they been talking for so long that the water had cooled down?

“No! No! We don’t have time for that. This is important! I did it. I came up with a plan.”

Ayeon nodded, “That’s great, but the plan will be here in the morning after you take a nice long nap.”

Jaehyun came back with a glass of water and set it down in front of Mina, “This should help flush it out.”

“I’ll sleep later, just look!” She waved a piece of paper at Ayeon who took it from her, giving Jaehyun the chance to push the water into Mina’s hands, forcing her to drink it. She chugged it ravenously while watching Ayeon.

Her brows came together, and her frown grew as she scanned the document. Jaehyun stood behind Ayeon, reading over her shoulder, “Is that an expense report?”

“It’s…it’s the current Commissioner’s expense report.” Her eyes darted to Mina, “These aren’t public record, how did you get them?”

She smiled sneakily, “I faked an emergency and got the secretary out of his office when he was at a meeting and printed it. Did you see his charitable budget?”

Ayeon scanned the numbers before landing on the one underlined in red, “What the fuck.” She whispered.

“$100,000.” Jaehyun breathed out, shocked.

“There’s no way he spent that much on charity without the media reporting on it.” Ayeon muttered.

Mina set down the empty glass and held up two more pieces of paper, “That’s not all. Check it out.”

Jaehyun took the sheets and looked between them, his frown dipping, “Wait…”

“That’s right.” Mina gasped out, “The left are his expenses from his personal accountant. The right is what he submitted to the city’s auditor.”

Ayeon leaned over and Jaehyun held it out to her, “He spent $112,000 last year on charity.”

“And he only reported spending $25,000 to the auditor.” Jaehyun said.

“He’s…embezzling city funds.” Ayeon said, stunned.

Ayeon looked at Mina who smiled at her triumphantly, “How’s that for concrete proof?”

Ayeon shook her head incredulously, “I knew he was shady but this…this could destroy him.”

Jaehyun rubbed his forehead, “Do you know what he’s been spending that much money on? I’m guessing not a real charity.”

Mina’s confidence faltered, “No, not really. I looked through everything that I could get access to, I haven’t found anything. I wanted to show you this, just so you knew what we were going to be dealing with. I need to do some more digging.”

“I don’t think you’ll find anything.” Ayeon muttered, “If you haven’t found it yet, it’s because he’s hidden it which means that it’s nowhere you can find it.”

Mina’s face fell but Ayeon shook her head, “No, you did really well, Mina. It doesn’t matter what else he’s hiding. If the public sees these documents, that’s enough for them to ask questions he can’t avoid. The other candidates for Commissioner will jump on this, if we can deter his re-election, it can be enough to get people talking.”

“So, what now? Will you publish it?” Jaehyun asked.

Mina chewed on the inside of her lip, “I have to publish it soon, but I need to look into some more stuff.”

“Like what?” Ayeon asked, walking to the bench, leaning against it.

Mina scratched her head, “There are three things someone would spend that much money on that they wouldn’t want anyone to know. Sex, drugs or murder. I want to see if I can find any anomalies, even if I end up being wrong and he’s just spending it on furniture.”

“If that’s what you think, then go for it.” Ayeon said with a nod, “Trust your gut.”

Jaehyun’s lips curved when he saw Mina’s face light up at Ayeon’s words. Ayeon stepped closer to Mina and gripped her shoulder, “But you do _not_ pull this shit again, you hear? If that secretary came back or worse, if the Commissioner finished his meeting early and found you behind the secretary’s desk, you could’ve been in a shit ton of trouble. We don’t know what he’s into. We don’t know how dangerous it is, so you need to be careful, Mina. You need to call me.”

“You’re a detective. It’s worse if you get caught with me.” Mina said with a grimace.

Ayeon shook her head, “I don’t give a fucking shit, Mina. You call me or text me. You tell me where you’re going, okay? I need to know.”

“Bu-“

“Mina.” Jaehyun’s voice was quieter but was deep enough to silence her, “Listen to Ayeon. You have to check in with her.”

Mina gulped and looked at Ayeon, “Do you really think it’s something dangerous?”

“I don’t know, but I know that I’m not risking it.” She muttered before letting go of her shoulder.

Mina nodded, “Okay, I promise.”

Ayeon let out a breath, “I’ll text you a list of detectives. You’re not to contact them unless it’s an emergency, but they’re people you can trust, okay?”

Mina’s eyes were wide, “So, this is happening. For real. Once I put the Commissioner in the hot seat, attention will move to the internal mess of your precinct, what if it gets back to you?” 

“I’ll be fine.” Ayeon said quietly. “You did good, Mina.”

Mina nodded and squeezed her eyes before yawning, “Fuck, I’m tired.”

Ayeon turned her head to hide her smile, instead, locking eyes with Jaehyun whose eyes fixated on her mouth.

His eyes moved up her face before smiling softly. Her lips parted and she just stared at his face, like his existence was a secret only for her. She turned to Mina and handed her back her papers, “I think you’ve earned a long nap.”

“Ayeon, I’m going to take them down for you.”

Ayeon looked unsettled by the declaration, scanning Mina’s sleep deprived features. She sighed, “Come on, Mina. I’ll drive you home.”

“That would be nice.” Mina sighed as she leaned against the workbench, closing her eyes.

Ayeon moved to the back room and gathered her things, her fingers brushing the lid of the music box before placing it in her bag and grabbing her jacket. She turned and found Jaehyun leaning against the door, his arms crossed, watching her.

“Will you be okay?” He asked.

She nodded, “She doesn’t live too far by car.”

“No, detective. With all of this happening, will you be okay? If Mina starts this, we don’t know how many people will be taken down.”

She rubbed her eyes, the selfish part of her wished her day ended with the two of them in the shop, alone, “I thought you’d be happy that corrupt cops were being taken down.”

“I am. But, despite the people you’ve had to deal with there, you have friends at that precinct who might get hit with the shrapnel of this bomb and they have no idea that you’re helping set it off.” He said calmly.

She thought of Jinah, no matter how much she hated the Commissioner, Ayeon couldn’t risk Jinah’s involvement in what was shaping up to look a lot like whistleblowing.

“I know.” She whispered. “Fuck, I know.”

“Maybe some of them deserve a warning.”

“I’ll figure it out.” Ayeon said, moving to the door.

He reached out, grazing his fingers against her arm as she moved by him, “I’ve got you. If there’s a burden you need to share.”

She closed her eyes, grateful he existed, even if she didn’t properly understand anything that was happening between them. She couldn’t get a grasp on it and it was starting to get overwhelming, but whenever he said things like that when he managed to support her regardless when he understood her, it became a lot easier.

It was a language that started to make sense.


	20. chrysanthemums

Ayeon found herself thinking about Jaehyun too much for her comfort. 

He was the end of her every thought, no matter what it started with, it would finish with him. It fogged her vision and throttled her throat.

She stared at the music box that she had carefully placed on her dresser. It looked out of place, childish and fanciful in a room full of adult responsibilities, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from it. It was the only reminder in her room of a past with tutus, slippers and the impounding fear of her father’s disapproval. She slowly twisted the key, winding it up before letting the music waft around her.

Ayeon closed her eyes and laid on her bed, letting herself sink into her mattress like the mechanical notes were pressing weights into her body. She hummed softly, nowhere near as melodically as Jaehyun typically did, along with the tune, lulled into a daze.

He found the most ridiculous ways to dig these little holes in her life, in her heart, and bury little gems for her, just for her. It sometimes disturbed her, how well he knew her and what she was thinking like everything about her made sense to him.

She wasn’t used to it.

Ayeon opened her eyes and turned her head to stare at the little ballerina spin on top of her table. Sometimes she felt like she was just spinning mindlessly, with no purpose, but she was feeling a little less of that lately. She faced the ceiling again and thought about Jaehyun standing near her, being around her, and his voice low and so, _so_ close to her mouth. She squeezed her eyes so tightly that it made her head hurt. She tried to remember clearly the lurch in her stomach when she realized how close he was.

How suddenly, the thought of his mouth on hers became a very real, very vivid possibility.

It was the first time her mind had ventured in that direction about a man she knew more than a friend but less than a lover. A consideration that she had never made until he had ripped the chasm of probabilities open. And much to her detriment, it became all she could consider now.

Jaehyun was not a whirlwind. He didn't blow her away in one second and disappear the next. He did not leave her winded, nor did he leave her with debris that she needed to pick up on her own. He did not lift her off the ground and throw her where she didn’t want to go.

Jaehyun was a gravitational pull.

\-----

_COCKTEASE_

“The slut shaming was surprisingly delayed.” Ayeon said with a humourless smile as she stared at her desk the next morning. She _hated_ coming in to the precinct, it made hives break out on her skin.

Soya stormed up to her and stared at the words angrily scrawled on the desk, “What the shit is this?”

“Doesn’t bode well that the only single female detective in this precinct was the object of affection to the widely loved officer who died because of her.” Ayeon mused, wondering just how far rumours of her and Lucas had spread, she was truly curious to where they extended to.

“He didn’t die because of you.” She hissed. “Do you know who did this?”

She raised a brow, “If I did, I wouldn’t be standing here.”

“Oh.”

The two of them turned to Daemin who was holding a bucket of paint, “I’m sorry, I was hoping to get to it before you did, Detective Yoo.”

Her lips twitched as Soya gaped, “You tried to paint it over?”

His eyes darted to the other officers who were staring, “Try is the operative word.”

“Thanks, Daemin, but don’t put yourself out. It’s not going to help you get along with the others.” Ayeon said with a nod.

He frowned, “But they took it too far.”

She shook her head, “Self-preservation, Daemin. I suggest you try it.”

“Are you sure?” He said with a concerned look of uncertainty, it nearly warmed her heart.

“I’ll be fine.” She said gently.

He nodded, giving her a sad smile before walking away with the paint.

“Self-preservation?” Soya gasped before leaning towards her friend, “Please tell me he isn’t getting bullied too.”

Ayeon’s wince was enough, “Oh my god. What the hell is wrong with this precinct. I actually like Daemin. He knows how to keep his mouth shut and head down.”

“Well, leadership here isn’t big on punishing hazing and harassment. All we do is just move problems to different precincts instead of dealing with it properly. Are we surprised that the Commissioner has no plan for internal problems?” Ayeon muttered.

Soya watched Ayeon carefully, that was the closest she had ever gotten to lashing out against the months of abuse, “Well, that’s what happens when the Commissioner just sits in his office all day, smoking.”

Ayeon looked at the angry word scribbled on her desk in sharpie. She traced the vulgarity with her finger, wondering how selfish she was, inflicting pain on someone who only ever showed her respect and kindness, someone who simply wanted to be liked back.

“You know…” Ayeon started slowly, “I never led him on. I never made him believe that anything could happen between us, not even a little.”

“Honey, of course I know. I’m the last person you would need to convince. Everyone will one braincell knows how often you rejected him.” Soya said sharply. She pointed to the word, “That isn’t who you are or what your relationship with him is.”

“But I was cruel to him…wasn’t I?” Ayeon whispered, “He liked me, more than a crush. I rejected him every time and he’d have to work across from me everyday.”

Ayeon looked over at his desk, filled with flowers and little gifts that officers would leave him, to remember him. She wondered what he thought about whenever he saw her, she wondered if he ever resented her deep down.

_Lucas didn’t think a human could be a powerful as Detective Yoo Ayeon._

_He let his gaze fall over his computer screen to land on the woman across the room from him with her hair wound up in a bun held by a pencil. He wondered what it’d feel like to run his fingers through her hair, to be that close to her._

_She had her fingers pressed against her lips as she frowned at her computer, eyes darted back and forth quickly as she scanned a document._

_A lump grew in his throat as he looked away. He knew it was a losing battle, one where she’d roll her eyes with a small smile whenever he flirted. She did not like him, she did not want to date him, and she most certainly would not want his fingers in her hair._

_But he did hope, an honest hope, that one day she would let_ someone _run their fingers through her hair. His friends thought he was insane for wanting a woman who he liked to be happy with a hypothetical guy that wasn’t him. But it made sense to him, that he wanted her to feel about someone the way he felt about her._

_Because Detective Yoo Ayeon was not just a detective, she was not just a woman that he liked. She had a moral compass, she fought for justice, for ethics, for fairness. She was what police officers needed to be. He liked to think that one day she’d find someone who appreciated her for all that she was, for all she was capable of, and for all the places she’d go in life. It wouldn’t be him, he knew that, and it was okay._

_A new email popped up in his inbox and he distracted himself._

_So, what if she’d never like him back? She was the reason he was the cop he was today, why he pursued justice with the type of vigor that he did._

_And that was good enough for him._

“You were not cruel.” Soya said softly, “You were honest. Cruel would be letting him believe that he was more to you than he was.”

Ayeon swallowed her pity party down her throat, embarrassed that she would be so selfish, needing validating when the officer was shot and killed. She picked up a tissue box and placed it over the word.

“There. Good as new.”

Before Soya could protest, Jinah’s voice came floating through the halls, the pair of them turned but Ayeon froze when the Commissioner entered the room first, Jinah walking a step behind.

“Ugh.” Soya muttered under her breath, “He’s been showing up around here too much.”

Everyone rushed to stand, bowing in respect, but Ayeon was rooted in her spot, feeling her skin crawl as she tracked him with her eyes.

Why was he showing up so much?

His eyes scanned the room of officers, nodding impassively until his sights landed on Ayeon. She took a sharp breath as he pinned her with his eyes, inspecting, judging. She couldn’t find it in her to move, to bow and acknowledge him. She could only stare, wondering what this man could do with $100,000.

Jinah intercepted his gaze by standing in front of her, blocking his line of sight while holding an arm out in the direction of the door. He grumbled something to her before she walked out with him. The minute he was gone, her shoulders unwound, and she noticed how her heart raced.

A sudden rush hit her, an aching need to expose every dirty skeleton in his closet, to hang them up on a stage for the world to see. Any doubt she had begun to clear.

He was a rotting limb, and she needed to cut him off.

\-----

Jaehyun was thinking a lot about space lately.

Stars, planets, blackholes, galaxies, it all fascinated him after a long night of documentaries.

It’d be his 3AM thoughts when it would hit him that somehow, the perfect combination of things had come together to create the universe, to create a planet that could sustain life as complex as humans. That somehow, they had made the cut.

He stared, bewildered, as Ayeon stood in his bedroom, hunched over by his bed, talking to Triple, who was tilting his head, reaching a paw out to touch her face as she explained instructions to him with the utmost seriousness.

She was working out of his store like normal and when he came back from manning the front, he noted that both she and Triple had vanished and the door to his apartment was suspiciously wide open. He was certain, at this point, that Ayeon had somehow managed to make a copy of his keys.

“Are you ready?”

Triple just stared at her.

She hunched forward more, her hair swinging down as she reached and arm out and snapped her fingers with great flourish. On command, Triple, with his three legs, leapt gracefully onto her back, balancing precariously on her spine. Ayeon slowly straighten her back and Triple scampered up until he was perfectly balanced on her shoulder, perched like a parrot.

“Ohhhh, that’s a good boy.” She cooed softly, holding up a small treat to her shoulder.

It simply wasn’t fair, Jaehyun thought to himself as he watched her scratch Triple’s chin. The cat keened, pressing the side of his head against hers as a purr ripped through him. It wasn’t fair that it was starting to feel like every aspect of his life was made with her in mind. Like there was an Ayeon shaped hole in his life and it was just waiting for her to come and fit herself in perfectly, like she belonged nowhere else.

“Am I interrupting?” He finally vocalized.

She turned, her eyes wide and her face flushed with an embarrassed red, as if she was caught doing something wrong, “Uh…oh, no, of course not.”

He let the doorframe take his weight, “Do you know how long it took me just to teach him where to use the bathroom?”

She looked at Triple who was trying to chew on her hair, “I think I have the authority.”

He smiled, wishing he could take a picture of her, “Tax dollars are paying for you to play with my cat.”

“At least they’re being spent wisely.” She carefully lifted Triple off her shoulder and set him down on the ground where he scampered to Jaehyun, threading between his legs.

She sat down on the edge of his bed and watched him, forcing her eyes to never stray lower than the bridge of his nose, “You left your phone downstairs, it’s been ringing nonstop. Might be important.”

Ayeon took it from him, confused, the only person who called her more than once was Soya, she glanced at her missed calls, her eyes widening when a number she memorized showed up. She hit redial without hesitation and waited with each torturous ring.

His breath ran from his lungs at the way her body tensed, her hand trembling. She made a sharp sound when someone on the other end answered, “Hello? Hi, I had a few missed calls from here. My name is Yoo Ayeon and yes, that’s m—oh, yes I was supposed to come by tomor—I understand…next time I guess.”

The person on the end, sounded professional, rattled off a list of other things and Ayeon just stood, silently, nodding even though they couldn’t see her. “Thank you, have a good day.”

Her voice cracked and she quickly cleared her throat and hung up. “Thanks for bringing my phone.”

“Was it about your dad?” He asked.

She bit down on her tongue, hard, “I was supposed to visit, it turns out he’s not…healthy enough to see me. Again.”

“I’m sorry, detective.” He said, stepping towards her. “Did they say when he’d feel better?”

She gave him a bitter smile, “You don’t understand, he is healthy enough. He just gets the nurses to lie to me, so he doesn’t have to see me.”

“Ayeon.” He said, breathless in shock.

She shook her head, “One day I’m going to get you to say my name sounding happy.”

“I hope you get to see him.” He said earnestly. “You deserve to see him, even if he doesn’t want to. He needs to face you after whatever he did to you and you mother.”

She snapped her head at him, realizing that he had noticed more about her than she had so strategically curated him to see. That parts she had kept so tightly bottled up had begun to leak at a pace she couldn’t control. And while lesser people wouldn’t have noticed the spillage, he had soaked it all up.

Ayeon had never thought about what she’d do or say to her father if the day were ever to come when he’d let her see him. But suddenly Jaehyun’s option began to sound good to her ears.

To make him face what he’d done. To own up to it, even if her mother would never press charges.

When her phone beeped, she nearly dropped it, her heart thudding at the prospect that he’d changed his mind, that he’d finally _want_ to see her. But alas, it was another name, the disappointment was not obvious but thick enough for Jaehyun to sense it.

Ayeon’s brows knit as she read the messages, her eyes running over the text a few times before she grabbed her jacket and ran to the door, the frantic energy capturing his attention.

“Detective? Is everything okay?”

“That fucking red head, I swear to god I’m going to kill her!” She shrieked as she slammed the door behind her.

\-----

Mina adjusted the shimmery dress that was currently painted across her body like it was her second skin as she stirred her drink. The straps were thin, the neckline was daring, and her heels could stab a man’s eye out. She propped her chin up with her hand, letting her red hair fall over her shoulder in a rich waterfall, just as alluring and sexy as she needed.

No one needed to pay attend to the recording device placed thoughtfully between her cleavage.

She was nearly fully emerged in her role when an itch in the back of her mind had her pulling her phone and quickly shooting Ayeon a text message. She might be pushy, but at least she followed instructions.

Tucking her phone away as the front door of the club swung open, she fixed her dress one last time before starring off in the faux boredom that she had practiced. The type of look that had tool head men believing that they could cure her monotony, which was exactly what she needed.

It took a bit, they were loud, still wrapped up in their own conversations and it wasn’t until they were a few drinks into tipsy that he noticed her. Men always do.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

She had to fight the urge to look at the untouched gin and tonic that was blatantly in her hands and just smiled, her lashes fluttering, “I’m doing fine on my own.”

He took it as a challenge, predictable, “Someone as beautiful as you shouldn’t be left alone.”

She pretended not to hear the comment and acted like she noticed his police uniform for the first time, “I guess I shouldn’t turn down a drink from a man in uniform.”

“Atta girl.” He smirked.

Her smile was strained as her grip on her glass was becoming dangerously tight.

“So, what’s a girl like you doing at a cop bar?”

She widened her eyes, feigning shock, “A cop bar? Seriously? I just went to the first place.”

That was a lie. She had spent 3 hours searching for the one bar in this district where cops from this precinct frequented before taking a taxi 2 hours out of the city to ensure she was seated at the bar at the exact time they came stumbling in.

But he didn’t need to know that.

Seemed like luck finally winked at her when she looked at the television mounted up on the wall, “Oh, then if you’re a cop, do you know him?”

He turned and stared at the headline.

_Investigation of Officer killed in gang related shooting still on-going_

“Nah, that’s over in Seoul. They deal with the drug stuff. Our precinct deals with the more dangerous things like murders.”

She knew that wasn’t true.

“My friend told me that the Seoul precinct is all sorts of shady.” She mused while twirling a finger around her hair.

He faced turned down in confusion, “Huh? Where’d you hear that?”

She shrugged flippantly, “I don’t remember, like a friend of a friend of a friend. You know how rumours start.”

“Well, it’s probably not true. I head that the Lucas guy was into all sorts of messed up stuff.”

She bit her lip, a mischievously look in her eye, “I love a bad boy.” The words sounded corny on her tongue, she was sure he’d see right through her.

“Yeah, well I’ve done some fucked up shit too.”

Or not.

She ran her hand down his arm, “Yeah? Like what? You jay-walked?”

He rested his hand on her bare knee and she tried not to visibly stiffen, showing her repulsion.

He leaned toward her and it took everything in her power not to lean away or flinch, she wasn’t sure she could pull this off any longer. His lips grazed her ear and she nearly shoved him back until she heard what he whispered to her. Her eyes widened and her hand began to shake as he unloaded a mouthful of secrets.

He pulled away but stayed close enough that she felt trapped. “That bad enough for you?”

“Depends.” Her voice trembled but she hoped he was too drunk to notice, “Who were you covering for?”

“You’re going to have to give me something for that information, baby.” His hand started moving up her thigh and she felt her chest constrict, she had not prepared for this, she didn’t think he’d actually touch her much let move this boldly on her. She suddenly became hyperaware of his stature, how easily he could overpower her, even drunk, how the bar was filled with men that would look the other way if she screamed despite all wearing a uniform that swore to protect her.

She had overplayed her hand and she didn’t know how to fold.

“That’s enough.”

The dark voice cut straight through her as she looked over his shoulder to where Ayeon stood, her fingers clawing into the man’s shoulder. The look in her eye could be described as nothing short of murderous.

Mina could cry in relief.

He looked at Ayeon before snorting, “Back off.”

Her eyes fell to Mina’s thighs where his hand was still placed, an inch away from disappearing under her dress, and something snapped in her. Ayeon grabbed a fist of his hair and slammed his head into the table top of the bar. He let out a yell, alerting his friends who stood, ready to attack, but Ayeon nudged her jacket aside, the bar lights flashing against her badge.

They all froze.

She didn’t look their way.

She leaned towards his face that was twisted in pain and whispered with a deathly calmness, “I’m not in the mood. I said, that’s enough, okay?”

He looked at her through with blurry vision and when he said nothing, she lifted his head and slammed his down again, “Okay?” She repeated evenly.

He nodded vigorously and she released him, her body loosening. He lifted his head and she smoothed her palm against the bar top where a small crack had formed. She moved her gaze to Mina who was fighting back a tremble.

“I’ll settle the tab.” She threw her keys at her, “The car is parked out front.”

Mina grabbed her bag and ran as Ayeon pulled her wallet out, taking out a fistful of bills that she didn’t bother counting.

She eyed the damage and met eyes with the bartender who was stunned into an immobile silence.

“If you squint, you can’t really see it.”

\-----

“I don’t ask much from you, Mina.” Ayeon muttered as she looked over at the girl who was slouched against the window, hugging Ayeon’s jacket against her body. “I don’t ask for money or publicity. I don’t demand ownership over your work. I don’t ask for much. The _one_ thing I asked you to do was to not be as stupid as you just were.”

Mina looked over at her, “To be fair, you never actually asked me to do that. You only said to inform you when I’m going to do something, and I did.”

Ayeon cut a glare towards her as she drove, “I assumed avoiding idiocy didn’t need to be said out loud. What the _hell_ were you thinking? Coming so far out of the city, you don’t know anyone here, this late at night at a cop bar!? Fucking hell. You’re so incredibly lucky I didn’t hit traffic and got there when I did.” 

Mina gripped Ayeon’s wrist gently, squeezing it before letting her hand drop, “I know. Thank you.”

She glanced at her before sighing, her anger dissipating, “What were you even trying to do?”

“The guy I was talking to, apparently he used to work at your precinct.”

Ayeon blinked, “Really? I didn’t recognize him.”

“Even when you slammed his head against the bar?” Mina asked sarcastically. Ayeon’s lips twitched as Mina turned the heaters towards herself, “Anyways, he used to work there, before you started. He transferred out, but when I spoke to him, he acted like he had never been there, never worked there.”

Ayeon made an unimpressed noise, “And how do _you_ know he used to be there?”

“I may know a friend of a friend who is very quick on a keyboard.” She said charmingly.

Ayeon rolled her eyes, choosing not to ask about a very illegal hacking, “Did he tell you why he was transferred?”

Mina fell silent, staring out the window as his words slurred in her ear again, “No. But it’s a pattern, the Commissioner signed off on his transfer. That’s the 15th unexcused transfer the Commissioner approved in the last 6 years. The last Commissioner only approved 4 and that was for like 10 years.”

“You know, you probably can’t talk to that guy again, not after what I did.” Ayeon said slowly.

She nodded, “I don’t think I’ll lose sleep over that.”

Ayeon smiled to herself as she turned onto the freeway. Silence filled the next 15 minutes that she assumed Mina had fallen asleep.

“I would like to lend you this dress sometime.”

Ayeon blinked before looking over at her, scanning the glamorous outfit, “For what purpose?”

“I think Jaehyun would _adore_ you in this dress.” She said with a devilish smile.

Ayeon’s jaw dropped, her mind falling blank at the absurd comment but oddly enough, her vision blurred around the edges as a strange sensation fizzed up her chest and throat. But she couldn’t help it, it was like asking someone not to think about a monkey eating a banana, the minute you say it, it’s etched in your mind’s eye.

All Ayeon could envision was how a dress that she would never own would look on her, with her hair down like Mina’s, with her make up smoked out in a way that she only saved for special occasions. She wondered how it felt to have people’s eyes on her.

Her throat dried, surprised at the speed in which her mind detoured.

She’d never been allowed to live like that, bright, colourful, seductive, the center of everyone’s dreams and nightmares. She lived with her head down and her shoulders hunched in an attempt to avoid scrutiny and judgement. To remain off the radar long enough to survive. She wondered how it tasted to live loudly. 

“I think he’d worship you.” Mina breathed, leaning close to Ayeon.

Ayeon ground her jaw, not noticing the way her grip around the wheel tightened or how her breath shortened. She shoved Mina away from her with one hand and kept her silence, erasing torrid images from her head as she picked up speed.

“Then again…” Mina mused as she settled back in her seat, “I’m pretty sure he already does.”

\-----

Wrestling Mina up to her apartment and helping her into bed was a challenge that Ayeon was not prepared for and settled with dumping the girl on her small couch with a blanket tossed over her.

Ayeon tried to catch her breath and used the moment to scan Mina’s apartment, if you could even call it that. She had a few unpacked boxes labeled ‘KITCHEN’ and ‘CLOTHES’ and others filled with files she was working through. Ayeon felt a wash of sadness, thinking of this girl who lived alone, in a bare apartment all because she cared about the truth. She made sacrifices for the sake of her beliefs. She peeked in the girl’s room where papers were strewn around, taped to her walk with sticky notes littered on every surface.

She went back to Mina, a small but steady growing affection bloomed in her chest. She reached out and pushed the girl’s hair out of her face, adjusting the blanket so it hugged her better, Mina snuggled deeper.

Maybe, there really were good people out in the world.

\-----

“It’s 2 in the morning, detective.” Jaehyun rasped as he held his door open for her.

She grunted, pushing past him while tossing her jacket on the floor before falling face first into his couch, “I’m too tired to drive home. Your place was closer.”

He stood by the couch, staring down her, trying to keep up with her as he tried to wake himself up. He leaned over, sniffing her, “Are you drunk?”

“Ugh, no, but I picked Mina up from a bar.” She muttered against the couch cushion.

He didn’t reply, she just heard his footsteps retreat to the bedroom and sleep started weighing deliciously on her that she didn’t bother stirring when Jaehyun came back, draping a thick comforter around and carefully lifting her head to slide a soft pillow under. He pulled her hair tie out and set it on the counter before mumbling a soft _“sweet dreams, detective”_ and holing himself up in his room.

Ayeon thought that she had never been the center of someone’s dreams and nightmares, but little did she know there was a living testament to her power just down the hall trying his hardest not to fall asleep with her name in his head.

Maybe we are too small in the expanse of the universe to matter. 

But within the universe there are galaxies, no, not the Milky Way.

There are these little galaxies we create with other people, we will have multiple in our lifetime where we build our own solar systems, our own planets, our own stars with the people who we share our galaxies with.

When we exist in these galaxies, it doesn’t matter how big it is and how small our moments are, they are not just a passing blip in the timeline.

Those little moments are the stars that hang over your heads.

They are the planets we live on.

They are what make these galaxies your home.


	21. roses

She had left.

When Jaehyun came out of his room with the obscene idea to make Ayeon breakfast, he found the couch empty with the blanket neatly fold and a scribbled note placed on top of the pillow.

_Thank you for letting me stay over. I’m sorry I had to run out for work, I’ll pay you in pastries when I get back. -A_

Yes, he had desperately fallen for a woman who paid him in sweets and her company. It was marvelous.

He didn’t crumple the note or toss it away, he smiled and stuck on the side of his fridge for no real purpose but to hang onto little reminders of her. Because she was someone who, in any other scenario, would’ve left with no sign that she was ever there to begin with. She was someone who didn’t like to leave bits of herself behind with people she didn’t want to remember her.

But she left a note this time.

\-----

Ayeon would be embarrassed to say that she spent an hour hiding in the precinct’s bathroom, dreading to have to face her _colleagues_ who loved humiliating her. But to be fair, the hour flew right by when she thought back to when she woke up wrapped up in a blanket that smelled exactly like Jaehyun with the print of his couch cushions indented into her cheek.

She wasn’t going to lie, it wasn’t the worst way she’s woken up.

Seeing a text message from Jinah telling her to come to the precinct first thing? Yeah, could be better.

After an hour of playing on her phone and avoiding responsibility, Ayeon finally decided to creep out of the bathroom stall and venture out to the hell that waited her. Daemin raised his brow at her when he saw her slink in undetected and she responded with a meek smile, keeping her head down as she dropped to her chair.

She looked over at Jinah’s desk and frowned when it was empty, for someone who made a fuss about having to come in, where the hell was the woman? She kept herself busy, checking her inbox, fiddling with paperwork but it began to sink in, just how far she had fallen from graces.

She didn’t have a single active case, not even something minor. She used to juggle 3 or 4 at the same time. It was like no one trusted her with anything except mindless paper work.

Ayeon frowned, using her pen to dig at the chip in her desk. What was she even doing at this job anymore? She was just getting paid to hang around Jaehyun all day, she wasn’t even doing any actual work.

“Detective Yoo.”

The hair on the back of her neck stood, her pen tumbling out of her fingers, as she turned to face the Commissioner. There was no way that he was just casually showing up here the rare time she was forced to be by her desk. She looked over at Jinah who stood behind him with her head down and eyes averted. Everything smelled like a disaster.

His eyes were narrowed as he inspected her face like he was looking for a visible deformity. He strolled over to her, everyone falling silent as he stood, arms behind his back, imposing.

“Sir.” She said stiffly with a brisk nod.

He tilted his head back, staring down his nose at her, “The Commissioner’s Ball is soon, and I am here to extend an invitation to you.”

That was not on the long list of things she expected him to say.

“I’m sorry, sir. What?” She blurted, her eyes looking over at Jinah once again, but she was still looking away, frowning.

“You’re being honored for your bravery from the last few months and you will appear as a special guest. You understand that it isn’t every day that a detective is invited to these events much less as a special guest.” He said, his face still void of emotion.

She felt her jaw tense, “Yes sir. I’m so…honored.”

He nodded, clearly pleased, “You are free to bring a guest, I’ll have my secretary forward you the details.”

He didn’t bother hearing her response and walked away. Jinah closed her eyes as whispers broke out around them. “Everyone shut up and do your work!”

She opened her eyes and stared at Ayeon, “You, follow me.”

\-----

“He’s using you.” Jinah muttered once they were hidden in a private room. “I don’t know why or for what purpose, but he has an agenda. No one is ever honored at the Commissioner’s Ball, they have separate ceremonies for that. He’s trying to put on a show.”

Ayeon shrugged, “Well, fuck him. I’m not going.”

Jinah gave her a bitter smile, “I don’t know that you have many choices.”

“Oh? Well, we’ll see about that.” Ayeon said with a grin, “Anyways, I’m sick and tired of this place and I'm not hiding in the bathroom anymore so, please let me leave.”

Jinah rolled her eyes before turning away, “Yes, run off to Jaehyun. My god, at least _try_ and be less obvious.”

\-----

Mina’s leg bounced erratically as she hovered over her laptop. The pounding of her hangover was starting to fade and instead pulse at the ends of her fingertips.

It was done.

She stared at her word document, her breath stuttering. Her eyes ran over the article, one that boldly accused the Commissioner of funneling thousands of dollars into his own pocket instead of the charity that was listed on the expense report. She had done extra digging and contacted all of the pre-approved charities that the Seoul Police Department was associated with and none of them had records of donations exceeding what was publicly available.

Either they were lying, or the Commissioner was.

But it was still chewing at her. She had all the facts laid down in front of her in black and white, but it felt like there was a gap, one that she _knew_ the Commissioner would use to discredit her. She had absolutely no proof of what he was doing with the money.

How was anyone going to believe her claims if she couldn’t place the money anywhere? The Commissioner would just tell the country that the money was for anonymous donations. It was driving her insane.

She spent hours searching the internet, falling into a deeper hole of uncertainty and conspiracy theories until she stumbled onto a forum, layers down to the point where she wasn’t exactly sure how she got there, clicking from one link to another, it was hard to track. Her eyes were burning but she couldn’t look away, most of it was absurd theories and assumptions, all except one on page 34.

_[LuckyStar88] Isn’t weird? Someone with that much influence and power but so many of his precinct’s officers get transferred. That doesn’t happen for no reason._

Mina’s eyes widened, as she re-read the post. It was from a month ago with no likes or dislikes and no replies, just getting buried among other crackpot theories. Nervous, Mina clicked on the username and stared at their profile, the picture was set to the default and they hadn’t been active since they posted that comment.

She clicked on the message button, her fingers hovering over the keyboard before they flew over the keys.

_[User1340ac92] What do you think it means that so many people are getting transferred?_

\-----

Ayeon’s sunglasses were perched on top of her head as she tried to use her elbow to open the door to Jaehyun’s shop, her hands full of pastries and hot chocolate that looked like it could single-handedly give her cavities. 

Just as she was able to hold the door open, a lithe form with a mess of black hair and silver piercings darted out of the shop carrying a bucket of flowers.

“Ten! Don’t forget the baby’s breath!” Jaehyun yelled from the back.

Ayeon blinked and looked into the store where Jaehyun came racing right past her with a cardboard box. She watched Jaehyun and the younger boy haul tubs and boxes into a van, yelling orders. Ten ran right back into the shop, not casting her a glance, it wasn’t until Jaehyun was on his way back that he noticed her.

His hair was a mess and he was fighting to catch his breath, “Detective, I apologize for the commotion.”

“What’s going on?”

He smiled nervously while taking the door from her, allowing her to finally step inside. “A little bit of an emergency.”

“Do I take the tulips?” The boy popped his head from the back.

Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair, contemplating before nodding, “Better safe than sorry.” He turned back to face her, “We were hired to dress a wedding, but they really just wanted us to supply the flowers, they said they had people to actually set everything up, but apparently the people they hired have a flat tire and they’re not going to make it in time. The bride asked if I could come in and do it for them instead, I couldn’t say no so now we’re…panicking.”

“Never!” Ten shrieked as he stormed to the front of the shop, carrying boxes, “Never let Jaehyun answer emergency calls because he will ALWAYS say yes.”

Ayeon’s lips parted in awe as she glanced at Jaehyun who looked flushed, “Ten’s a design major, he does some work here for bigger events. He isn’t exactly thrilled about the current situation.”

“Well, I brought sustenance for the road.” She set the box down and turned to him with a lazy smile, “Thanks again…for last night. Being woken up at 2 AM probably wasn’t a lot of fun.”

“I…I…I have to be honest, detective, I want to say something kind and light-hearted but all I’m thinking about is how we’re going to create the 72 rose trellis arch and prep each centerpiece before guests start arriving.” His body was shaking with an energy that she wasn’t used to seeing from him, it was frantic, rushed, unorganized.

And oddly charming.

“We’re just about done loading everything we need up, Ten and I need to head over to the wedding s—”

“Oh my god.”

They turned to see Ten standing in the doorway, staring at his hand.

Jaehyun’s eyes narrowed, alert, “What happened?”

“I got an interview.” Ten whispered, his eyes sparkling, “With-with this fashion house. They want to meet with me _now_ because the head designer is in.” The sparkle died as reality kicked in, “Wait, the wedding…”

Jaehyun fell silent as his mind raced. Ten had been stressed and high strung for _months_ because he couldn’t even get an interview for a design job that wasn’t just posing mannequins for a storefront, this was his first interview since he graduated.

But there was no way he could do this entire wedding on his own.

“What about Chenle?” Ten suggested.

Jaehyun chewed his lip as he shook his head, “He’s still in China with his family.”

“I could help.”

Jaehyun stilled before slowly turning to Ayeon who shrugged mildly, “I’ve seen what you do and if you give me instructions, I should be fine following them. And you need the extra hands, right?”

He frowned, “Detective, I can’t ask you to do that. This isn’t your problem or you jo—”

She glanced at her watch, “I feel like you don’t really have the luxury of turning me down right now.”

He looked over at Ten’s hopeful face before sighing, “Okay fine, go. Good luck, you can put me down as a reference if you need it.”

Ayeon grabbed the box of pastries and walked out the door, Jaehyun following close behind muttering soft apologies and promises to make it up to her.

“Dinner.” She blurted as he pulled onto the highway.

He glanced at her from the side of her eye, “What?”

“If you’re going to make it up to me, make me dinner again.” She said it quieter this time and made sure she was facing the window, so she couldn’t see Jaehyun’s smile when he caught her blush in the reflection.

“Okay, dinner.”

\-----

“Wow.” Ayeon breathed out as she stared at the photograph propped up on an easel outside the venue doors.

_Kath and Jo_

The women were stunning, their smiles bleeding love and affection as they posed, holding hands, with a lush forest as their backdrop.

“They almost look like catalogue models, right?” Jaehyun snorted as he dragged the last boxes of flowers into the venue.

She shook her head and followed him in, it was a conservative ballroom, with tables and chairs draped in a warm white and green silk and a modest dance floor in the center.

Jaehyun let out a loud breath, his hands braced against his hips. “Ready?”

\-----

She didn’t know how he did this as a career.

Ayeon was seated by one of the tables, sweat pricking her hairline and her fingers cramping as she set down the last of the centerpieces.

“Are they ready?”

She looked up at the venue staff that had been watching hers and Jaehyun’s progress nervously. “Yeah, they’re all yours.”

She stepped away as the staff started moving the floral structures to each of the tables. Dusting her pants, she walked over to Jaehyun who had been working diligently on the arch where the two brides were going to stand under while reading their vows.

“How’s it going?”

He looked at her through the vines and roses, eyes wide, “You’re done?”

“With time to spare. Need help?” She asked.

He climbed off his chair, rolling the knots out of his neck, “I just have a little bit to do at the bottom and we should be good.”

“It looks beautiful.” She mused, her eyes trailing down the rich greens woven through the wooden arch with different coloured roses strategically placed in full bloom.

He crossed his arms, surveying his work, “Good enough to get married under?”

“I’d think so.” She said, nudging her shoulder against his. “You did good, kid.”

He scoffed looking over at her before reaching into her hair, running his fingers through it before holding out a leaf, “Not too bad for a rookie.”

“Have you guys seen our parents?”

Ayeon and Jaehyun, their eyes widening when the brides stood before them, hair and makeup applied to perfection but just in their robes.

“Isn’t it bad luck to see each other?” Jaehyun joked.

One of the women barely mustered a smile, “I know, but it’s a bit of an emergency.”

He frowned, “Okay well no, I haven’t seen your parents. Is there something we can do?”

One of the women was statuesque, long legs, wide lips, deep eyes, she frowned, “I don’t know if it’s something you can do. It’s…it’s Jo’s uncle. He isn’t the most supportive of this wedding.”

Ayeon felt her body tense, Jaehyun could feel the shift beside him, “Is he invited?”

“God no.” The shorter woman, Jo, breathed, “He was strictly not invited but one of Kath’s cousin’s heard from one of mine that he was ranting and raving about the wedding earlier today and they think he might come and try to ruin it or cause a scene.”

Her hand was trembling as she fumbled to hold onto Kath, “He’s not my favorite uncle, clearly.”

“Because he’s a fucking sociopathic abuser.” Kath snapped.

Ayeon felt her vision swim, Dr.Lee’s voice echoing in her head when she first labeled Ayeon’s father an abuser. It made her sick, “What do you need?”

Everyone’s gaze shifted to her, “I can help you with security if that’s what you need?”

Jaehyun pointed to Ayeon, “This is Ayeon, Ayeon this is Kath and Jo. Ayeon is helping me out today, she works with the Seoul police department.”

Their eyes brightened, Kath grinned, “Cool. Did you bring a gun?”

“No, I didn’t think I needed to be packing for a wedding,” Ayeon said with a small smile, enchanted with the dynamic the two women shared. “But I can help keep an eye out, maybe I can connect with the hotel’s security team?”

Kath snorted, “You think a place like this has their own security team? I had to hire a private firm.”

“You think it’s that bad?” Jaehyun asked, concern stitched across his face.

“Bad enough she had to ask for my help.”

A booming voice had them turning to a group of 5 men dressed in suits with earpieces walking up to them, “We’re in charge of the security for today, why?”

“I’m going to help.” Ayeon announced, “Get me mic-ed up and on your frequency. We’ll put up a perimeter and figure out what entry points her uncle can get in through. We should also circulate her uncle’s face around so people who don’t know him will be able to keep an eye out.”

The tallest man, the one leading the group just stared down at her, “I’m sorry, and you are?”

“A solution to a problem.” She bit back.

Jo sighed and Kath cleared her throat, “She’s being helpful.”

“We don’t need help, we’ve got it covered.”

Ayeon nodded, “Okay, so what are you going to do when he barges in during the ceremony? Or when he tries to throw something at them? Or get violent? Did you consider the fact that this venue has at least 10 entrances aside from the main one? Do you have a schedule for who will be position where at specific times during the wedding? No? So, you don’t have this covered and your ego is potentially putting their safety and their wedding day at risk.”

She took a deep breath and tilted her head, “Why don’t we try this again? Get me mic-ed up and on your frequency.”

“Who the hell are you and why should we listen to you?”

Ayeon stilled and Jaehyun’s eyes shot in her direction, watching her turn to lock eyes with the man who dared question her.

Like royalty staring down their sovereign, she leaned close, speaking through her clenched teeth, “Because I am a cop and I am better at this than you are.”

The taller man, clearly their leader, met her gaze unfalteringly before a goofy smile worked up his lips. He stepped back and held his hand out, “Johnny Suh. We’ll get you mic-ed. Now, what do you need from us?”

\-----

“How dangerous is he?” Ayeon asked, staring at the picture of Jo’s uncle that she had sent.

Johnny shook his head, “Nothing physical, he’d never attack them but him talking is usually worse, they’ve had a few run ins before. Didn’t end well.”

She learned, very quickly, that despite his tall stature and hardening gaze, Johnny was actually very, _very_ bubbly. He cracked jokes and nearly tripped over his own feet when they did rounds. He talked about himself, a lot, so she learned that was the owner of a small security firm that dealt in personal security for important people. Kath and Jo being one of them.

It wasn't that she didn't like Johnny, he was harmless and she had only known him a few hours but he reminded her too much of Lucas, and it unsettled her. 

She huffed, tucking her phone into her pocket. Johnny leaned against the table, his team long scattered to different parts of the building as per Ayeon’s direction. “So, you’re really a cop, huh?”

“Detective, actually. But yes.” She replied.

“Impressive, I watched you shove daisies into centerpieces for the last hour, I thought you were just a really crappy florist assistant.” He smiled and tilted his head.

She narrowed her eyes, “Why were you watching me?”

“Pretty people are hard to miss." He grinned, "And you’re here because…”

“Because I know the man doing their flowers and I wanted to help but apparently I'm rather crappy at it.” She said simply, glazing over his compliment like it didn’t register.

Oh, how she wished she was with Jaehyun who was currently finding creative ways to use the extra tulips.

“And now…” She said with a sigh, “I’m helping keep a bigot out of ruining a wedding. Not exactly how I thought my day was going to go when I woke up this morning.”

He laughed, “I think I’m going to really like you.” 

\-----

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…”

Jaehyun had insisted on just decorating the hall and leaving, but with Ayeon still keeping her eye out for the uncle and upon the insistence of Kath’s parents who were grateful for his last-minute assistance, they ended up seated near the back their shoulders pressed against each other’s in a sea of other family and friends.

The minister was a close friend, she had learned from one of the guests. Both Kath and Jo’s parents walked them down the aisle and were down dabbing away tears as they watched the ceremony and for a moment, Ayeon understood why people fell in love.

It was all very simple when she saw the look on both women’s face the first time they saw each other in their dresses.

You fell in love because of that feeling.

Ayeon chewed on the inside of her cheek, fighting off the sudden wave of emotion that was crashing over her as she watched the two women holding hands, their thumbs brushing over each other. It was too intimate and honest and she felt like she was intruding. She stood, catching Jaehyun’s attention as he looked up at her curiously.

“I’m going to do a round in case he’s trying to time for _speak now or forever hold your peace_.” She whispered.

His brows knit but he nodded as Johnny rose behind him, “I’m coming too.”

She nodded distractedly as she stared at Jaehyun, the urge to reach out to touch him was overwhelming. She just desperately needed to graze her fingers across any part of his body as insurance and it startled her.

Her fingers twitched as she considered running her fingers against his shoulder, but before she could give herself what she wanted, she turned on her heel, moving along the walls of the ballroom before exiting out to the halls with Johnny behind her.

“Let’s do a circle and check the kitchen because that’s where they’re keeping the alcohol until the first dance. And then let’s check the rooms, although I’m pretty sure you need a key card for those.” Johnny fired out.

“You’re awfully on edge about this entire thing.” She muttered as they rounded the corner and strolled down the hall.

“Kath is my cousin.”

She looked over her shoulder, catching his warm smile as he spoke about her. The similarities were there, in their smiles and height. She nodded in understanding, “You’re protective of her.”

“She’d call that an understatement. I tend to helicopter. She doesn’t have any other cousins or siblings her age.”

Ayeon snorted, “Which is why you’re at your cousin’s wedding not as a guest but as security.”

“It’s practically the same thing.” He said with a grin. “And, I already saw them get married, in Vegas two weeks ago.”

She blinked and looked at him. He looked away, “They can’t get legally married here, but they can in America. They wanted their marriage to be valid _somewhere_.”

She nodded as they made their way through the kitchen, dodging the staff that were running around putting finishing touches on lunch. “I would’ve just eloped and not bothered with a formal ceremony at all.”

“I never thought I’d meet a woman less traditional than Kath.” He said with a laugh.

She smiled slightly, her eyes still sweeping over the perimeter for anyone looking out of place. Johnny sighed, “I’m glad that you are, though. Not that many people would worry so much for the safety of a lesbian couple.”

“I’m pretty sure,” she started slowly, “that even thought I met them once, I might be willing to die for Kath and Jo.”

He snorted, “Yeah, they have that affect on people who are willing to treat them like human beings. So, thank you, for being one of those people.”

She pursed her lips, saddened by how she was being thanked for doing something so simple. She remembered Jinah saying something similar to her when Soya had introduced her to Ayeon as her girlfriend.

_“Thank you for being there for Soya when it would’ve been so easy to abandon her.”_

“That guy you were seated with, Jaehyun, right? Him too. He…He really helped them out.”

Her breath caught as she turned to look at him, “How?”

He opened a door they passed by, scanning it over before shutting it, “I helped them with their wedding plans, drove them around to vendors and stuff. I had to watch them sit across people who were so happy to supply dresses, venues, and food for the wedding until they found that Kath wasn’t Jo’s maid of honour, she was the other bride. Suddenly these businesses were unable to _accommodate_ them.”

She let out an audible breath and he chuckled, “Neither of them like confrontation so they’d give a strained smile, say they understood and walk out. They had a list of their top choices for their dream wedding but none of them wanted to work for two brides. None except this florist they had obsessed over when they saw his work on Instagram.”

Her eyes widened and a burn spread from her chest, “What’d he do?”

Johnny looked straight ahead as they walked, “At that point, the girls were exhausted, tired of the rejection and getting their hopes up so the first thing they said when they sat down at the consultation was, _we’re obnoxiously gay_.”

She smiled despite herself, “What did he say to that?”

“He said,” Johnny smiled at the memory, “ _I hardly think either of you are obnoxious.”_

Ayeon turned her hands into fists to resist the curl in her heart that was telling her that Jaehyun might be perfection wrapped up into one warm person.

“I wish I could’ve filmed their reactions. They were frozen, their eyes wide and misty but he just flipped through this little binder, rattling off different flower they could use, which ones represented love and affection, which ones would flatter _both_ their dresses. I think that was the first time they felt like they were really planning their wedding.”

“Oh my god.” She let it out in a shaky breath like she couldn’t hold in how happy that story had made her.

Johnny pulled his earpiece out and slipped his hands into his pockets as they crossed the lobby, “Yeah, that’s what I said.” 

The finally ended up back by the doors of the ballroom and faced each other, “You’re lucky, to be with someone like that.”

She clenched her teeth, fighting off every emotion that caressed her, “We’re not together.”

“Oh.” He said quietly before grinning, “That’s a relief to hear.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, “Why?”

His grin grew before he opened the door for her, “Because, I was about to say that he was even luckier to be with someone like you.”

\-----

To say she was tense would be underselling it.

She lingered by the food, gripping a plastic cup of something fruity as her eyes scanned every entrance, every guest and every employee who floated through the small ballroom. When she and Johnny returned, the ceremony was over, and the brides had just finished their first dance. Now music was playing, and people were either dancing or eating their troubles away.

Ayeon, on the other hand, could barely do either as she moved around the ballroom to get different vantage points. Johnny had taken his team to spread out through the rest of the building as she watched over the inside. Whenever someone got too loud or moved too quick, she’d have to hold back the urge to tackle them to the ground. She could feel a dull headache growing from the strain.

She felt his fingers first, just the tips gently trailing down the curve of her back, heat blossoming across her body before she turned to meet Jaehyun’s gaze.

“Hey.” He sounded out of breath his eyes slightly unfocused but entirely too tired. She didn’t know how he did it, but he managed to pull it off.

“The flowers went over well.” She mused, remembering how he tensed when both brides threw their bouquets and not a single piece moved out of place.

He tucked his hands in his pockets and glanced around the venue, his eyes falling on every centerpiece and ending on the gloriously arch. “So, it seems.”

He looked back over at her, taking in the earpiece now hanging around her neck, “And you seem unable to leave work at home.”

She scoffed. “On the contrary, apparently I’m now night-lighting as a security guard.”

“It was very kind of you to offer to help.” He said quietly as if his praise was meant to only be for her, “I think you put everyone here to ease.”

She frowned, “Yeah, let’s hope it stays that way. Everything seems to be okay for now.”

“Well,” He stretched out a hand to her, “Care to dance until something goes horribly wrong?”

She instinctively reached out and laced her fingers with his. Not because she was so inclined to dance but because he had nice warm hands and long fingers, it seemed like a shame not to touch them when given the chance, “I don’t dance.”

He drew her in smoothly, pulling her close to him while slipping his other hand around her waist, “Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I swear you used to dance ballet.”

Her eyes darted to his sharply as he swayed them back and forth. He was the only person in her life who had mentioned ballet so casually like it wasn’t weighed down but trauma. And the truth is, when he said it in that light tone, it almost felt like it wasn’t made of pain.

“Yeah well, I’m a bit out of practice.” She muttered. She shook his hand off of hers and used it slide around his neck, comfortably hanging on to him in a way that left no space between their bodies and delirious haze behind his eyes.

Grace thudded through her veins, Jaehyun could feel it when he wrapped both hands firmly around her waist and let her lead. 

“Then let’s stick to something easy.” He mumbled, just moving side to side in time with the soft music lifting around them.

It had been a while since she danced, even something as harmless as a slow sway at a wedding, she was always the type to sit, drink and be merry, it felt strange to use her balance and rhythm for this.

She leaned a bit closer and his arms were quick to tighten, “See? You’re not that bad.” 

She rolled her eyes before looking up and scanning his face, it was unfamiliar to see it at this angle and up close. He made her stomach clench because it wasn’t just the beauty in his features, it was the set of his jaw and the furrow in his brow when she watched him work. It was how he pushed himself just to make someone else’s special day perfect. And it was how he held her close.

It messed her up.

She licked her thumb and gently pressed it to the smudge of dirt on his cheek, wiping it away. His eyes jumped to hers in surprise, a slow smile worked up his lips and he leaned down to press his forehead against hers.

“Thank you for helping today, detective.”

She gave him a small smile, heat flushing her veins as she scraped her nails against the nape of the neck, watching, entranced, at the way his pupils dilated, and his fingers dug into the small of her back, bringing her even closer. Ayeon licked her lips, reveling, at the way his eyes followed her.

“Anything for you.” She mumbled carelessly.

“You are fucking embarrassments.”

The pair of them shot apart as the music ripped into a silence. Ayeon didn’t need to see anyone to know exactly who was yelling at the top of their lungs. _Fuck_ she should’ve been paying attention _._

She pushed past people, hearing their angry whispers until she made it to the circle where people were standing around the brides.

Kath and Jo stood, holding their hands so tightly that their knuckles were white, and their arms were trembling. Across from them, a man stood, unkempt and staggering on his feet. Kath tilted her head up, her voice even, “Uncle, last I remember, you were not invited. You’re not welcome here.”

He scoffed, “I’m not your fucking Uncle, you cunt bitch.” His gaze cut to Jo who stiffened, her eyes on his shoes, “You have no right to say I’m not welcome here when _you’re_ the degenerates.”

Ayeon scanned the crowd, the girls’ parents were nowhere to be seen, she remembered seeing them leave for photos or something.

She watched his eyes land on Kath again, and listened as vulgarities poured of his mouth like it was the oxygen he breathed. It was when he words got dark and disgusting that something inside her changed.

Ayeon’s body became rigid, trembling from boiling anger, but before she could do something, she’d truly regret, Jaehyun brushed past her and stood in front of the man, blocking Kath and Jo from his eyeline. The man had to tilt his head back to meet his eyes, Jaehyun dug his fingers into his shoulder, grabbed his collar with the other and leaned down to muttered something into his ear.

She couldn’t hear what he said but she saw his mouth move quickly.

He let go of the man and just stared at him, waiting.

When the man wound his arm back, Ayeon intervened, grabbing his wrist before he could swing and twisting it back until he was on his knees.

“Pathetic.” She growled as he screamed in pain. 

The doors flung open where Johnny and his team stood, panting out of breath as they ran towards the crowd. She let go of the man and stepped back, next to Jaehyun, he fell back, his hands landing on Johnny’s shoe.

He craned his neck back, his eyes widened when he realized who it was. Johnny’s jaw was tense, his eyes forming a storm before the men around him lifted Jo’s uncle and began dragging him away. Before he turned, Kath rushed towards him, nearly toppling him over when she collided with his chest, her arms winding around him. Jo came up behind Jaehyun and Ayeon, slipping her arms around their waists and giving him a soft squeeze. “Thank you. For everything.”

Johnny rolled his eyes, his bright grin back on his face as he patted his cousin on the back, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get soft of me now, kid. It’s your wedding. Go dance, do shots, kiss your wife.”

She pulled back, her eyes glassy and his lip pouting. He winced. “Okay, maybe cut back on the shots.”

Jo smiled again at Jaehyun and Ayeon before going to Kath, taking her by arm, before they were ushered away by a panicked bridal party fussing over them.

Johnny glanced over at Ayeon her a long look with an emotion she wasn’t advanced enough to decipher before nodding at her. He tucked between bodies and he disappeared out the doors where his team had dragged Jo’s uncle with them. He wasn’t a cop so, she wasn’t exactly sure where they were taking him, but when the very tipsy maid of honor yelled something in the microphone, the music kicked back up and everyone ran to the dancefloor, distracted.

Jaehyun’s hand fell into hers as he pulled her close. His grip was strong when he leaned down, his lips brushing her ear in a way the ripped a shiver down her spine, “I think they’re good for tonight, let’s go home and let me make you dinner.”

She leaned back, her eyes darting over his face, the fatigue was glaringly obvious, and she finally did what she had wanted to all day, she let her fingers dance over his cheek quickly, “You’re tired. Let’s rain cheque.”

His eyes fluttered when she touched him and she watched his shoulder sink, like something inside of him unwound. She wished she had just touched him before. She dropped her hand when he shook his head, leaning close to whisper in her ear once again as if it wasn’t the beginning of her end every time that he did.

“Then let’s just get take-out and watch tv, I don’t care. Let’s just do something together.”

She didn’t like the feeling it gave her, the warmth, like a rock inside of her softened to clay. It felt so natural when she was around him, things just fit and made sense. There was no hidden agenda, no corruption, no whispering cruelties behind her back.

Jaehyun was just Jaehyun.

It was right.


	22. arborvitaes

_[New Message]_

Mina woke from with a start, a piece of paper stuck to her cheek as she looked around her room in a haze, trying to remember what led her to falling asleep at her desk.

“Ah.” She winced as she rolled her neck, stiff from the angle she slept in. She blinked the bleariness out of her eyes as she finally caught sight of her laptop.

She sat up straighter and opened the message.

_[LuckyStar88] There are only two reasons why officers have unexcused transfers. 1) Their precincts hate them and what them out or 2) They fucked up and need to be removed from the problem_

Mina frowned at the words. Was this person telling her that all the people under the new Commissioner were transferred for one of those reasons? She chewed her lip and let her fingers dance over the keyboard.

 _[User1340ac92]_ _So, why is it suddenly happening so much more often under this Commissioner?_

She stood, stretching the soreness of her muscles, expecting to wait another 12 hours for a reply, but she had barely made it to her bathroom before her laptop chimed again. She raced back out, opening the message, her eyes widening.

 _[LuckyStar88]_ _Wouldn’t you transfer people more often if you were getting paid to do it?_

“What?” She breathed out, her fingers trembling before typing out a new message.

 _[User1340ac92]_ _Is that true?_

The reply came instantly.

_[LuckyStar88] I don’t have proof, but I bet you’d see it in his bank records. People paying to move around officers that cause problems or dig where they’re not welcomed._

Mina had that information. She had it in black and white. She thought back to what that officer has whispered in her ear and felt her stomach churn.

_“I helped cover up a murder.”_

She could feel her ears pounding into her skull. Everything was hitting her in a violent rush of information. She looked back at the screen, uneasy.

_[User1340ac92] Can we meet? I have more questions._

She watched the chat box as the little bubble of three dots blinked but instead of a response, the green online button turned grey

_[LuckyStar88] is offline._

\-----

Something between them had changed, Jaehyun could feel it. He wasn’t exactly sure what specifically had changed but he knew that Ayeon was getting far too liberal with how she touched him.

It was driving him mad.

Like take right now, for instance, he had said something to her, he couldn’t even remember what it was, but it made her laugh so hard that she reached out to hold his hand as she leaned her head back with a boisterous laughter that left him feeling embarrassingly fuzzy.

He squeezed her hand, a chuckled escaping his lips as he took in the way her face flushed red when she laughed hard, and how her eyes would fall shut. He wondered if she knew that ever since she came into his store, he had begun to allow himself to take breaks. Instead of working through lunch and slow lulls of business, he’d find himself getting things in order before walking to the back in search of her.

She wasn’t particularly loud or talkative, but she always had something of value to say when she spoke and when she wasn’t around him, the vacancy was stark.

“Please, stop.” She gasped out, releasing his hand while wiping the tears that formed at the corner of her eyes. “Oh! Did Ten end up getting that job?”

He grinned proudly, “Yeah, he found out last night and must’ve gone out to celebrate with friends because I woke up to a very drunken voicemail where he was nearly sobbing about how I helped him with his career and how the head designer loved the fact that he worked on floral design.”

“Will you be short-staffed?” She asked with a frown.

He hummed, “Are you offering?”

“Ha ha, but no. I was told I was a bit of a crappy assistant.”

He gave her a look of overexaggerated shock, “What a lie.”

She rolled her eyes and shoved his arm, “Oh, shut it.”

He smiled softly at her, “But I’ll be okay, I have some on call people at standby in case we get a big order.”

She propped her elbow on the table and leaned her head on her fist, “That’s good.”

“And how’s work?” He stood to busy himself with the kettle and two mugs, her undivided gaze was overwhelming.

Her smile fell and she hesitated as she remembered the word angrily scribbled on her desk, “It’s fine.”

He looked over his shoulder at her changed tone to find her turned away, looking at her laptop, shoulders stiffened. He walked to her, reached out to twist a strand of her hair around his finger, “Doesn’t sound fine.”

She looked over at her, taking in a sharp breath at how close he was, “It’ll get better.”

“How?” He asked with a frown, his finger still in her hair, “Lucas isn’t coming back, so they’re not going to stop.”

She gave him a strained smile, “Maybe one day they’ll learn what happened and realize that maybe I’m not entirely to blame.”

His gaze grew darker, “How is that going to happen when _you_ still blame yourself?”

She stared at him for a long time before turning away, shrugging dismissively, “I’m not sure.”

“Knock knock. Anyone home?”

The pair of them looked towards the door, before abandoning their conversation to move to the front of the shop where Mina stood.

“The hangover must’ve passed.” Ayeon snorted.

Jaehyun smiled distractedly, his eyes still on Ayeon. Mina made a face before locking the doors and pulling down the blinds of the shop, “Is anyone else here?”

“No, just us.” Jaehyun said softly, causing Ayeon to glance at him from the side of her eyes.

“Good.” Mina breathed out, oblivious to the air around them. “I’m going to do it.”

Ayeon looked back at her, blinking cluelessly, “Do what?”

“I’m going to release the article.” She said, her voice shaking as she pulled out her laptop and opened it, showing them the completed article.

“What are these names?” Jaehyun asked as he scanned the list of last names with censored first names.

Mina grinned, “Every transferred officer. It’s all circumstantial but it’ll get people talking.”

Ayeon raised her brow, “Why them? What’s the connection?”

Mina licked her lips and sat across from them, “I have a source who claimed that these officers were transferred because someone paid the Commissioner to move them.”

“A source?” Ayeon repeated unsurely.

Mina waved her off, “That’s not important. The money from the Commissioner to the charities? It didn’t come from tax payers, it came from people high up who sent the money to the Commissioner who moved it to a fake charity fund so that it couldn’t be taxed or audited. He didn’t spend $100,000 like we thought. He _got_ $100,000 from other people?”

“And we don’t know who?” Jaehyun asked as he scanned her article.

Mina shook her head, “Not yet. But if we get this article out, people will start asking questions. It’ll also give me more time and resources to do digging. I just need this out before his position gets renewed and word will spread”

“Are you sure people will even get the chance to read it? It’ll probably get taken down minutes after it goes live.” Ayeon said with a sad smile.

Mina chewed on her lip, “I know, that's my only issue. I got my friend to put up some pretty serious firewalls, but I don’t know if it’ll be enough. I wanted more publicity, but I can’t get any news organization to get on board and there’s no way I can broadcast it on my own.”

Ayeon stared off at the wall, silence ticking by until she shut her eyes and cursed loud enough for Jaehyun and Mina to look her way, “I think I know how you could get some more publicity.”

Mina’s face lit up despite the growing scowl on Ayeon’s, “Really? How?”

“The Commissioner’s Ball is tomorrow night. The press will be there.”

Mina scoffed, “So? The only way I’m getting in there is with an invitation. The security on those things are insane.”

“I have one.” Ayeon muttered.

Jaehyun turned and stared at her, stunned, “You do?”

“One wha—an invitation?!” Mina yelped.

She winced and nodded, “The Commissioner invited me yesterday.”

Jaehyun fell silent and just stared at her, she met his gaze, challenging his stare until a stiffened word slipped past his lips, “Why?”

“Some bravery award. I don’t know, it sounded full of shit, I wasn’t going to go.”

“Then don’t.” He fired back.

Mina’s eyes darted between the two of them, enraptured by their back and forth. Ayeon made a face and shook her head, “But if I go, I can get her inside, like open a door for her or something once I’m in the venue.”

“That…that would be perfect. There’s so much press, if I accost him publicly the same time the article goes live, there will be no avoiding or hiding the issue. Everyone will know.”

Jaehyun’s jaw tensed before he looked at Ayeon, “Can I talk to you?”

Ayeon sighed and nodded, following him to the back. He looked at her in exasperation, “This is insanely risky. If this scene happens, they’ll look for anomalies and you’ll be the first on their list. A detective they invited for the first time.”

“It’s not like I asked for the invitation.” She said back.

His eyebrows knit further, “What about Mina? Her face will be plastered everywhere.”

“I don’t know what to say about that.” Ayeon replied, resigned, “She wants to do this and even if she only releases the article online, people will see her name on the byline. At least this way she has insurance, if everyone knows her face, then people will be too nervous to do anything to her because the entire city if not the entire nation will know.”

Jaehyun fell silent and Ayeon tried to muster a smile, reaching out and gripped his wrist. “I get to bring a guest, but I’m guessing you won’t want to go, huh?”

His face immediately softened, “Detective, I’m sor—”

“It’s okay.” She said quietly, “I’d never make you go, even if you wanted to. Just, trust me, I’ll make sure she gets in and out harmlessly.”

Jaehyun nodded, “I do trust you. That was never a question just…just take some sort of backup.”

She smiled and nodded, “I will.”

“Are you guys done or…” Mina called from the door.

\-----

Mina had left to prepare after they had gone over the strategy to get her in the venue and Ayeon could feel the antsy energy radiating off of Jaehyun. He kept his words minimal even after Mina was gone. Ayeon distracted herself by looking into Haerin’s case, she had been so busy the last few days that she hadn’t paid it as much attention. She dug, trying to find out about the family that Jaehyun had spoken to who had initially claimed to see Haerin get into a police car.

There was nothing, not even a record of Jaehyun’s report.

Giving up on the police files, she looked into the little town on google, checking the map, she trailed through the area until she reached the location where Haerin’s body was found. It was empty, obviously, but Ayeon still held her breath when she clicked the arrow, half-expecting to see Haerin’s body draped over the rocks like in the crime scene photos.

She stared at it, right by the water, it was just a beautiful place for such a beautiful young girl to meet a tragic end. Ayeon swallowed down the lump in her throat and kept clicking. The seaside was relatively empty save for a few boats on the dock. She paused when she clicked passed something, going back, her eyes widened when she stared at the image of a house. She went back and measured the distance between the place where Haerin was found and the house. You couldn’t see it from the house, but you could definitely see a cop car from your window if you happened to glance out the window. She continued clicking until she could confirm that there were no more houses in a reasonable radius.

There was only one.

Only one that most likely saw the police car that took Haerin.

Her hand shook as she scribbled the address onto a piece of paper and shoved it into her wallet. The bells on the front door chimed and it barely registered as she stared at the picture of the house. She wondered if those people still lived there or if they moved right after they were questioned by the police.

“Good Morning and welco—” Ayeon frowned, breaking out of her trance when she heard Jaehyun’s voice trail off. “Welcome to Maison De Fleur.”

The quietness of his tone had her leaning back, peeking through the door to see a uniformed officer, with his hat tucked under his arm, ordering a bouquet. Her eyes trailed to Jaehyun’s back, tensed as he scribbled the order down. He kept his head down, muttered out a total and swiped the officer’s credit card before bowing as he walked out.

She watched, as he stood, rooted behind the counter, just staring off at the door he had walked out of. Waiting a few seconds to see if he would move, she slowly stood and walked towards his rigid figure, lingering over his shoulder before speaking up.

“Hey.”

He stiffened a fraction before his shoulders dropped and he turned a smile gracing his face, “Detective.”

Ayeon’s eyes darted around his face, in a frantic search to reveal a feeling that didn’t suit the blinding smile. “Are you alright?”

“Of course, I’m fi-I’m doing okay, I’m just tired.” He said simply before side stepping her and walking to the back, but she was upset.

Because he nearly said that he was _fine_.

And that was _her_ lie.

She reached out and gripped his arm, pulling him back to her, “No, I don’t think you’re just tired.”

“Detect-“

She rolled her eyes and tightened her grip on his arm, pulling him to the back of the shop before pushing him down on the chair that was exclusively occupied by her. He stared at her, befuddled as she turned her back to him to switch the kettle on, “I’m making you tea.”

He just continued to gap at her, “Isn’t that my line?”

“Ugh, I know.” She muttered, pulling two mugs out of the drying rack. “You need to stop rubbing off of me.”

He ran his eyes down the curve her neck, the slope of her shoulders, she was devastating. He watched her drop two tea bags in the mugs before facing him again, leaning against the counter.

“Does it hurt?”

“What are you doing, detective?” He asked nervously.

She shrugged and slowly slid down until she was crouched, “Are you hurting now?”

“He’s buying the flowers for his little sister’s graduation.” He whispered. “Haerin didn’t get to graduate.”

She crawled over so that she was seated in front of him. “It hurts.” She declared.

He nodded and she rose on her knees and pulled him into her arms, holding onto him as if he’d one day disappear without a word into the cruel sea that stole his sister from him.

\-----

She left his shop earlier than normal. They lost track of time in each other’s arms before a customer came in. Jaehyun rubbed his face and pulled away, giving her a broken smile, brushing her hair aside with his fingers affectionately before he went to the front.

Ayeon sat by the table, tapping her foot before grabbing her belongings, whispering a rushed goodbye to Jaehyun who looked concerned as she slipped out of his shop. And she, voluntarily, ended up pushing a cart up and down aisles of a nearby grocery store with a conviction she had never felt outside of work.

She was going to make him dinner.

He always made her something, he always…he always took care of her when she didn’t ask for it or thought she didn’t need it. He was always the one that made the effort. She was going to change that. She grabbed ingredients and tossed them in, her lips quirking when she could hear him in her head from the last time they were here together, instructing her what produce would last long and what brands weren’t worth the money.

She kept it simple because she didn’t have the culinary skills to flex.

“How many?”

She stared at the butcher who looked bewildered when an embarrassed blushed scattered up and down her neck, “Two steaks.”

She felt like everyone could tell what she was doing when she bought ingredients for two. She wasn’t used to this, she barely ran errands for herself, she didn’t know why this freaked her out so much. She wasn’t used to being the one who did things like this to show she cared, she was the type to beat up your bullies, protect you from the bad guys. _That’s_ how she cared.

This was new.

But not bad.

\-----

Jaehyun lingered inside his store a little while after he closed up, unsure if Ayeon was going to come back or if she was gone for the day. He didn’t like the way they had left it, with her dashing out of his store and him still shaky from his own trauma. It felt off center. Like a painting that wasn’t straight, he wanted to reach out and adjust the frame.

After an hour, he decided to call it a night, but instead of going up to his flat, he locked the front doors and stood out in the brisk frigid air, intending to take a walk or find Taeyong to bother or _anything_ that didn’t involve him being stuck in his own head.

He turned and stilled when he saw Jinah coming down the stairs of the precinct while looking for something in her bag. He couldn’t remember the last time he had looked at her properly. He was always quick to look away whenever he'd spot her. Seeing her now he noticed that she cut her hair to swing under her jaw. His eyes moved down to the necklace that glinted against the streetlamp light, the pendant that looked identical to the one Soya wore. His lips twitched in what almost looked like an affectionate smile, but when her gaze swept over to him, his lips turned down.

Jinah’s lips parted and her eyes widened when she saw him. He tensed, a disgusting feeling much like guilt crept through him at the way her face lit up, warmed like the mere sight of him had become the best part of her day. She smiled, shyly and unsurely before slowly raising a hand in a wave.

That was too much.

He quickly turned away, only to freeze when he met Ayeon’s stare. He hadn’t heard her come up behind him. He took in a sharp breath and just stared back.

Her eyes slowly moved over his shoulder to look at Jinah who smiled at her like a spooked cat before moving back to his.

\-----

Jaehyun didn’t know how they managed this, but somehow the three of them ended up in a café with a confused and frosty air floating around them. That was a lie. Deep down he knew that the only reason he was here was because Ayeon had boldly declared that three of them should get coffee and left no room for either of them to say no.

Jinah watched, in awe as Jaehyun ordered drinks for himself and Ayeon with the type of ease that only someone who knows you well can do.

She didn’t even know that Ayeon had switched to tea.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing.” She said quietly, eyeing Ayeon who was watching them from the table. “I know you don’t want this. I don’t want anything out of this either. No confrontation, no digging up pasts, I-“

“What drink do you want?” He clarified while pointing to the menu.

She closed her mouth and glanced at the drink list, “Right. Sorry. Um…café latte.”

He ordered but kept his gaze fixed forward. She stared at him, having not been this close to him for so long, her throat started to itch as nostalgic tears scratched up. His hair was a darker shade of brown than she thought it was.

Their drinks were set on a tray that Jaehyun lifted with ease and he carried them to the table where Ayeon sat, not looking back at Jinah as he set it down. Everyone took their respective drinks except Ayeon who didn’t move from her seat.

“How do you know each other?” She asked directly, it was months of wondering and being too scared to vocalize the question that finally boiled over into a blunt demand.

Jinah looked at Jaehyun who was staring at his cup with his frown set deep and his body tensed as he thumbed the side of the teal ceramic. She smiled sadly in a way that Ayeon detected right away.

She lifted her cup and held it over her lips, “I’ve used his flower shop countless times, we’ve become acquaintances.”

His brows furrowed as he mulled the word over, “Acquaintances.”

“I’m not an idiot.” Ayeon’s voice wasn’t laced with anger, but instead a type of gentleness that came from fatigue. “How do you guys really know each other?”

Jinah stared at Ayeon, her breathing become short as unprovoked emotions climbed up her throat and like Ayeon, she was getting tired too, “We were frien—he was my best friend.”

Jaehyun was just staring at the mug in front of him, no emotion passing over his face. Jinah took a shuddered breath, “Um…we knew each other since like grade school. We were really close.”

“What happened?” Ayeon asked.

Jaehyun closed his eyes, dropping his hands to his lap, fisting them to avoid the obvious tremble. Jinah’s eyes glossed over and Ayeon looked stunned because Jinah _never_ cried. She got mad, furious, murderous, that was how she expressed emotions that others would do by crying.

“I lied to him. I told him I was studying to join the public service, to work in policy when in reality, I joined the police academy. And…and I’m sure you know why he wasn’t a fan of that.” She whispered.

Jaehyun opened his eyes and kept his head low at the memory.

\-----

_She sped down the street, her brain was moving faster than her feet could keep up with._

_When she turned the corner, she stuttered to a stop and stared at the café from across the street. She could see Jaehyun sitting by the window, checking his phone before taking a sip of coffee. She swallowed the lump down her throat and pushed the anxiety as far down as she could._

_She wanted to remember this moment, take a picture of it and lock it away into the depths of her mind. She wanted to remember the last moment before her best friend never spoke to her again._

_The first person who she ever came out to. The first person who ever held her while she cried about her parents’ reaction. The first person whose place she stayed in when she got kicked out and the first person who stormed down to her parents’ house to yell at them for throwing their daughter away just because of who she loved until they came to her, crying with apologies and open arms._

_Her best friend._

_A breath away from a brother._

_Her family._

_But that wasn’t going to last long, she was about to make him hate her forever and she couldn’t stop it._

_It had to happen. It was the right thing to do._

_His smile was the first to fall after she broke the news, at first it was a confused and uncomfortable smile, like he was waiting for her to say ‘just kidding’ and laugh but when she stayed stoic, the confusion was replaced with a burning fury matched with betrayal and it made her heartbreak._

_He was never one to yell, the incident with her parents was the rare and only time he had ever. His anger tended to bury quietly but that didn’t mean it was subdued._

_“How could you do this?” Was the only thing he choked out and it made her want to cry. His voice was thick and cracked, he wasn’t crying but his eyes were glazed. She felt horrible._

_He had done nothing but support every decision she made, talk her down through her panic attacks and just give her everything she could ask a friend to give. He even shared sides of his life that he preferred to hide. He never asked much from her, but this was the one unspoken understanding that he thought they shared._

_He was wrong._

_She couldn’t look in his eyes anymore, instead, she kept her eyes trained on the email that she had printed out with a job offer at the Seoul District Precinct and attached was a copy of her diploma. She had done it all without telling him, letting him believe she was taking some fancy political science degree at a college a city over._

_“After Haerin, you know how I felt about cops. How could you do this?” He rasped, his hands trembling in his lap._

_She couldn’t answer. She couldn’t explain how she was sick and tired of him keeping all this anger bottled up inside of him while the assholes who created this mess were living their best life. She could already list all the things he’d say to persuade her not to and she didn’t want to hear them._

_She wasn’t a pacifist. She never was._

_And if he was willing to face her parents wrath for her, this was the least she could do for him._

_“I’m not sorry.” She mumbled back. She lifted her eyes and met his, shivering at the cold and distant look in them._

_“I thought we were friends.” The past tense hit her like a punch to the gut. She knew this was going to burn bridges but hearing him say it killed her. 14 years of friendship._

_“I’m not changing my mind. This is my career. This is what I’ve always wanted to do, I’m not going to budge just because you don’t like it.”_

_A long silence stretched between them before he nodded and stood. “Well good luck with that.”_

_His voice was stilted, like he was speaking to a stranger. She watched, stunned, as he turned and walked out of the café._

_And that was the last time she ever spoke to her best friend._

\-----

Ayeon’s face stayed stoic except for her brows that were screwed together, “Why did you want to become a police officer?”

Jaehyun bit down on the inside of his cheek, that was the question that haunted him, the question he wished he asked her before he stormed out of her life.

Jinah fell silent, she wondered if she should just be honest, because when would she ever get another chance to talk to Jaehyun? For him to be forced to listen to her?

“I wanted to protect him.”

His head snapped up and he turned to look at her, eyes wide, “W-What?”

She kept her gaze trained on Ayeon, her lip trembling as more tears gathered on her waterline, “It was so, _so_ hard watching him fall apart because of Haerin. He gave up on life, nothing mattered to him. When his parents split and grew distant, he was even less grounded, and I just wanted to protect him. I wanted to do something to help him. I believed him when he said that it was a police officer that might have killed Haerin. No one else who had the power to do anything listened to him, though. I thought, I foolishly thought, that if I became a police officer, I would have some sort of exclusive access that could help him find the person who did this. I could help. I knew if I told you this, you’d still convince me not to. I should’ve listened.”

Ayeon and Jaehyun watched, speechless as tears trailed down her face and her voice began to waver, “The thing is, it was even harder to help you once I became a police officer. Everything I did was monitored, especially when the case was still so new. I had no privilege, no advantage, I realized that I royally fucked up. You _told_ me not to do it and you were right. I scarified my best friend to do this grand gesture that I couldn’t even follow through on. I gave you up, but I had nothing to show for it.”

The tears were coming down faster and her hand shook violently as she brushed them away, “I thought that you shutting me out of your life was worth it because I swore that I’d be able to stand in front of you with the man who did this in handcuffs and you’d understand why I did what I had to do. But every year that passed just killed me because I was nowhere closer to finding who did this. I was humiliated. I was no different than the other cops who just sat around and did nothing. I was so…so sorry. Jaehyun, I’m so sorry.”

He didn't know any of this.

He watched, stricken as she covered her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed. He reached out, to touch her shoulder, but his hand stayed suspended in mid-air, unsure what to do.

Ayeon stood, her drink still untouched and Jaehyun and Jinah looked over at her, “I should go.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened at Ayeon, a type of aggressive longing echoing in them as he wished the truth could roll off his tongue with more ease. “Wait.”

Jinah watched Jaehyun through her tears, how his body turned to Ayeon and hunched in a way that you do when every instinct in your body tells you to touch something that you know you can’t.

Ayeon stepped away but Jaehyun touched her elbow, letting his fingers trailed down and graze her fingers. “I’m sorry, please don’t go.” He said softly.

Jinah stared at the way his fingers held hers, like they were so delicate, so precious, and it made every part of her melt. At least one good thing came out of this mess. She brushed her hair out of her face, recovering from her tears, “It’s late. You both should go.”

“Let me walk you to your car?” He asked Ayeon.

Her fingers subconsciously tightened around his. She looked at Jinah who had her lips pursed, “Maybe you two should stay, catch up.”

He stood, his fingers still in hers, “Please.”

She looked back at Jinah who smiled, “I have to head back too, anyways. You two should go.”

Ayeon looked at her friend unsurely before leaning over and kissing Jinah on the cheek, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

They walked out but Ayeon’s pace was faster than his, moving in front on him until he pulled her shoulder back, making her slow down, “I know this is a lot, I know she’s your friend and this puts you a weird position but I—"

She reached her hand out, his body jerking in surprise. His eyes darted up to Ayeon’s who looked equally surprised.

“Sorry.” She muttered, dropping her hand, “I thought touching your cheek would make you feel better. I think I miscalculate-“

Jaehyun took a step towards her, allowing her fingers to touch him again, the warmth grounding him. She sighed, “You need to go back in there. You need to talk to her. You know you do, no matter how hard it is.”

He looked at her, panicked but she just smiled, “She was your best friend, Jaehyun. Don’t do this to yourself. You’ve both punished yourselves enough.”

He opened his mouth but when nothing came out, he just looked at the ground with a frustrated scowl. She smiled slightly, and boldly, oh so boldly, she leaned forward, letting her lips _barely_ streak past his cheek, less than a kiss and more of a breeze of her mouth. 

“Come around when you’re done.” She said with a smile that left him breathless.

\-----

Jinah gave herself a second to collect herself, to steady her hands and cool her face. If Soya saw her in this state, the woman might rip someone’s head off.

She gathered her belongings and went for the door, pulling it open before nearly slamming into Jaehyun’s chest. Her eyes were wide as she looked up at him. He looked deep in thought when he stared her down before he spoke.

“I didn’t finish my tea. Want to sit with me?”

\-----

“You and Soya…that’s going well, right?” It was awkward and stunted, but it was more words than they’d normally shared.

She just stared at the zipper of his coat, “Yeah…it is.”

“It’s been years, right? What happened to the girl who freaked at commitment and never stayed with a woman for more than 6 months?”

She looked up at him and felt excitement bubble when she saw a familiar glint in his eyes. She blushed, “Soya was…different.”

“How?”

A shy smile curled up her lips and he scoffed, Jinah was a lot of things, shy was never one of them, “I didn’t count days when I was with her. She was this big, colourful, loud, passionate ball of energy. Time just melted with her. 6 months turned into a year and I didn’t even notice it happening. I met her family and her friends without thinking twice about it. I wanted to be with her all the time.”

“You really grew up, huh?” He said gently.

She looked up and nodded, “After…after Soya’s ex-boyfriend attacked her, shit changed with me. When I first met her, I didn’t realize she was the victim. She was barking orders like she was the victim’s lawyer.”

Jaehyun felt his gut twist, he wondered if he would’ve been able to help Soya if he stayed friends with Jinah. Maybe she wouldn’t have blamed him for how much the fallout between him and Jinah had dragged her down.

“You and Ayeon have a good thing going too, huh?” She quipped, cautiously.

He nodded mindlessly, “I didn’t think much of it at first, she was just a cop but then…”

“Then?”

He shook his head, “She cared.”

Two words but Jinah knew exactly what he was trying to say. She sighed, “I know.”

“I missed having you around.”

Her throat caught and the tears were threatening their way back, “Me too. So much.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t let you ever explain.” He whispered. “I’m sorry I just let 14 years get thrown away without giving you a chance.”

Her hands shook, “I’m sorry I hid it from you. I should’ve just talk to you about it.”

“What now?” He asked.

She smiled weakly, “I’d _really_ like it if we could be friends again. Even if we can’t be best friends right away. I’d like…I’d like to be a part of your life again.”

He stared at her, the woman whose face he could remember back when she was a round faced middle schooler or the sharp lines that made up the mature, responsible woman in front of him. The one that fought her hardest for the people she loved.

His best friend.

“I’d like that too.”

\-----

Ayeon stared, face burning red at the dinner she had made.

It actually looked and smelled fantastic. She had outdone herself.

She needed to keep her hands busy to keep her thoughts off of Jinah and Jaehyun, a small fucking world, nearly torn apart by the one thing that all three of them happened to have in common.

Shaking her head, she chewed on her lip, using a fork to poke at the steak, hoping that it wouldn’t end up drying out by the time Jaehyun made it to her apartment, if he was even planning on coming. The nervous anticipation unsettled her.

A slow knock on the door had her moving faster than she’d like to admit to swing the door open. Jaehyun stared at her from under his hair that fell over his eyes, he held a tray of two drinks and a measured smile.

“Hi.” She whispered.

“Hi, detective.”

She swallowed, “I made dinner.”

His eyes widened for a fraction of a second and he looked over her shoulder where potatoes sat and the oven was left open. He looked back over at her as something cracked in his heart and heat leaked through his body. He used his free hand and pulled her by the waist to his chest and he pressed his chin on top of her head. “God, I like you.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, daring herself to keep his words at surface level, not digging deeper. She held him tight, content, steady. She pulled away, keeping her hands braced against his chest.

“How’d it go?” 

He loved her hair, he learned, the mass of thick black strands that sometimes came in curls, flattened straight like a veil or pulled up out of her face. He liked it now, a mix between the two, curled but straightened from sleep or the wind cutting through it. It was messy, wild, but still looked unintentionally beautiful.

He ran his fingers through the strands, gently massaging the base of her skull, her eyes glazing over. He had walked over to her apartment with one thought in his head.

_Ayeon. Ayeon. Ayeon._

He kept chanting in his head. It was common practice though sometimes he didn’t even mean to do it. It kept him balanced.

“It went well.” He whispered while drinking her in. “Thank you…for making me stay. Making me face her.”

She smiled, a devilish look in her eye that strangled him, “Great, now all my favourite people can be in the same room.”


	23. tansies

When Mina opened the door and met Ayeon’s eyes from her spot on the couch, her jaw dropped. Ayeon wasn’t in her dress yet, just wrapped up in a silk robe but her hair and makeup were done, and Mina was stunned. She had never seen Ayeon like that, with dark black eyeshadow smoked out with a little bit of silver in the corner of her eyes and under her brow. Her cheekbones glimmered and her lips were coated in something close to nude. Her hair was put up in an intricate updo, with strands strategically waved.

“Holy shit.” She muttered.

Ayeon blinked and then frowned, “What’s wrong?”

“You’re so pretty.”

Ayeon looked taken aback for a second before a cheeky smile appeared, “Why do you sound surprised?”

“Don’t get cocky.” Mina bemoaned, shutting the door behind her.

Ayeon’s lip crooked up, “What are you doing here? Aren’t you prepping for tonight?”

“I am. I just felt…weird, this entire thing is surreal. I kinda just wanted to see your face.” Mina admitted shyly.

Ayeon smiled, “Are you nervous?”

“A little…but the adrenaline is keeping me occupied.” She said with a sigh.

Ayeon nodded in understanding, scanning the purplish circles under her eyes, “You’ll be okay, I’ll be there, nothing bad will happen.”

Mina gave her a soft smile before furrowing her brow, “By the way, who are you taking with you? Jaehyun said he isn’t going with you.”

Ayeon shifted awkwardly before her phone beeped, “You should go. Jinah and Soya are coming over with my dress in 5 minutes, they shouldn’t see you here.”

“Okay, okay but are you going to see him before you go? Jaehyun, I mean.” Mina asked.

She blinked at her, confused, “No, why would I? He’s in the opposite direction.”

Mina shrugged, “Because you look amazing, and he’s never seen you in a dress. I think his reaction would be worth it.”

“Why are you so hell-bent on me and him? What does it matter to you?” She asked exasperatedly.

“Because I’m around you two a lot and it’s suffocating seeing the two of you talk to each other like you would die for one another. Like you’re not madly in love with each other.” Mina said with a look of annoyance and disgust crossing over her features.

Her heart tumbled and she had to suppress the urge to panic and flee at the word _love_. “That’s ridic—

“Also,” she said softer, “all I’m learning about the last few months is that people are monsters, that don’t care for each other and just focus on their own greed. When I see you and Jaehyun, apart and together, I think _oh maybe it’s not all shit_ and I just, almost desperately, need something good to come out of all of this.”

Ayeon wasn’t expecting the direction Mina had gone. “But something good will come of this, you’re making this city a better place.”

She nodded, “I know, I know. If this works out it’ll be great but who knows what will happen after that? If the city will _actually_ stay better or if someone else will come and make it rotten? I want to see something with a happy ending. Something I know will be and end good. And I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but I have my sights set on the feelings you and Jaehyun have for each other.”

“Mina, I-“

“I should go!” She announced, heading to the door before shooting her a confident smile, “See you there.”

\-----

Jinah and Soya showed up shortly after Mina left and she was relieved that they somehow didn’t cross paths. Soya stormed in, carrying three dresses when Ayeon specifically asked her to just bring one.

“Not the red. I think it’s too saucy for the event. And the green looks too much like a summer dress.”

Jinah threw her arms up in the air, “Then why did you insist on bringing them?”

Soya shot her girlfriend a look, “Because I didn’t know until I held it up in front of Ayeon. Here, take the silver one.”

That’s how Ayeon ended up stepping into a thin strapped silver number with intricate bead work covering every inch of the gown as it hugged every curve, even ones she didn’t know she had.

“Soya! Help me!” Ayeon yelled from the bathroom.

Soya scampered after her, seeing the girl struggle with the zipper. “I got you, I got you. There we go. Wow.”

Ayeon turned and faced the mirror. It really was something special and the long pearl drop earring lent to her courtesy of Jinah made her look all the more elegant. “How do you look better in it than I do? I always look better in my clothes.”

She snorted as she followed Soya out to the living room where Jinah was setting out different shoe options. She looked up and gasped, “Look at you! You gorgeous thing.”

Ayeon gave her a dry laugh and grabbed the first pair of shoes she could reach before Soya ripped them out of her hands and replaced them with another pair, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Jinah blinked at her, “I was surprised too. What happened to _fuck him I won’t go_?”

“I felt like giving him more reasons to hate me might not be the best move.” She lied. The truth wasn't ripe yet.

She slipped the heels on and straightened up as Soya skirted around her, adjusting the hem. “Well? Do I look like the winner of a made-up award to impress the public?”

“Absolutely.” Jinah cooed.

Soya rolled her eyes, “She’s just saying that because you got her and Jaehyun talking again…but yes, you look perfect.”

“Are you taking anyone with you?” Jinah asked, “The Commissioner said you could bring someone.”

“Jaehyun?!” Soya gasped.

Ayeon made a face, “No, I wouldn’t drag him anywhere near other cops. I made other arrangements.”

Jinah tilted her head, “With whom?”

“Look at the time! I need to do some last-minute things and head out. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” She exclaimed with a clap.

“Wh—” But Ayeon was herding everyone out, rushing Soya as she tried to pack away all the shoes and accessories she brought until everyone was out of the apartment and it was just her and a ticking clock.

Half an hour passed until the silence was broken with a steady knock at her door. She let out a long breath and opened it to reveal the person on the other side.

Johnny Suh stood before her, dressed in a suit and a mega-watt smile.

\-----

“You look beautiful.” He mused, an easy smile working up his lips.

She gave him a terse nod, moving around his outstretched hand and substituting it for an amiable pat on the arm, “Thanks for doing this again.”

“Ah, this is strictly business.” He teased as she locked up and followed him out to his car.

She smiled slightly at that, “So it seems.”

“Well, I think I need to start charging you by the hour.” He snorted as he walked up to a black jeep.

She had called Kath, the woman insisted Ayeon take her number and managed to pull Johnny’s number from her. Kath was all too enthusiastic to share. She had mulled over the idea of bringing him with her as she stared at his number and if it wasn’t for how quickly he picked up her call, she might’ve backed down.

“Tell me again what this event is?” He asked as he put the venue’s name, a famous museum, into his GPS.

She gripped the seatbelt tight. “It’s the Commissioner’s Ball. It’s this big gala he holds every year, basically to schmooze stakeholders and rub shoulders with the people who are going to get him re-elected to the position.”

“And you were invited?” He balked.

She snorted, “Yeah, apparently I’m being honored with some award.”

“Well, shit, I’m in the presence of greatness.” He joked.

She laughed before fading into a sigh, “But I have to remind you, the people there, they aren’t the easiest going. Prepare for fake smiles, empty laughter and me trying to avoid human interaction all night long.” 

“I am the exact opposite. It’ll be great.”

\-----

Her entire body fell stiff the minute she walked into the venue next to Johnny who offered his arm for her to take but she had just gently pushed it away, telling him not to worry about optics.

He laughed again, “Business runs in your blood.”

The museum was nice, and she was sure that if she had been there under other circumstances, she might’ve actually enjoyed herself. But the rigidness in her muscles just weren’t soothing away. He handed her a glass of something bubbly that was being passed around and although she accepted it graciously, she never took a sip, just holding onto it like an accessory.

“Can I ask you something?”

She nodded, glancing at him from the side of her eyes. He slipped his hands into his pockets as they strolled aimlessly around the ballroom, just far enough from the crowd where she didn’t have to mingle.

“Why did you ask me to accompany you to this thing? We met once, not that I mind, but I’m sure there are other people you could’ve taken.”

She sighed, “Honestly? It’s because you’re the one person that isn’t either a cop or have a history with them. I need someone like you, someone who knows how to act like a cop without actually being one.”

“And that’s an important criterion because…”

“You’ll find out soon.” She said vaguely, glancing at her watch.

He chuckled, “You’re mysterious and I’m greatly flattered.”

She smiled sheepishly, “I’m sorry I’m not a better guest. These types of things just leave me a bit more high-strung than I’m used to.” 

He shook his head, “Don’t apologize, I didn’t actually think our paths would ever cross after Kath’s wedding.”

Her steps slowed and she finally turned to him properly with an uneasy look on her face, “I’m sorry, this invitation might’ve been confusing and misleading. I’m not…I’m not interested in anything more than this one night.”

“That’s okay, Ayeon. I get it. But that doesn’t mean tonight has to be torture. We can enjoy ourselves, for one night.” He said with an easy smile. She wondered if anything ever bothered him or upset him. He was always grinning or smiling.

She nodded as if she was here for any other reason except to help Mina detonate a figurative bomb. She had to wait exactly an hour before she excused herself to the loading dock doors where Mina would wait to be let in. When she was emailed the itinerary for the night, they had agreed that the best time for Mina to barge in would be just as Ayeon was announced for the award. What better time to fuck shit up than when someone was trying to look good?

So, Ayeon and Johnny just milled about, strategically shifting away whenever someone headed towards them with the intent to strike up a conversation. In the instances where they were trapped in mindless drabble with someone they didn’t know, she smiled dutifully and introduce herself properly before Johnny would whisper nonsense in her ear, acting like she had some place to be as if he was her assistant and she was important.

Finally, the time had come.

Cameras with different broadcast logos were set up by the stage and the volume in the room started to hush as everyone’s attention was drawn to the front where a podium with the Seoul Police Department logo was placed. She glanced at her watch before looking at Johnny, “I’ll be back.”

He looked at her, bewildered, “Now? Don’t you have to go up on stage soon?”

“Don’t worry.” She said with a grin, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

She was right, she was back next to Johnny just as the Commissioner took to the stage. She was slightly out of breath and her skin felt cold. He stared at her incredulously, “Did you go outside? ”

“I need you to help me.” She mumbled, glancing at her watch once again before scanning the room.

Johnny raised a brow, “Not sure what I can do here, but shoot.”

“Something dramatic is going to happen just as my name will be called, the second it’s over, you need to grab her and get her into your car as fast as possible. I’ll meet you by the corner a block away.”

He blinked before frowning, trying to keep up with how fast she spoke, “Her? Her who?”

“You’ll know who, trust me.”

“…And to honor the exceptional bravery that is indicative in every police officer and the actions to protect this city in the face of adversary, to remind every citizen that their trust in the police force should remain unfaltering, I am proud to present this badge of honor is presented to Detective Yoo Ayeon of the Seoul Precinct.”

She cursed lightly under her breath but smiled demurely, holding the hem of her dress as she made a show towards the stage where the Commissioner and other officials stood, applauding. Her steps were calm and timed as she caught Mina racing towards the stage, dressed in all black, her own mic set attached to her shirt.

Ayeon had barely made it 5 feet when Mina spoke.

“Commissioner the people want to know _why_ you’ve been accepting thousands of dollars in bribes to transfer problematic officers to other precincts instead of carrying out the proper discipline policies.”

The cameras swung from Ayeon and pointed to the stage where Mina stood. The crowd stared in confusion as Mina demanded their attention. With he lights glaring down on her, her red mane seemed like fire and the look in her eye wasn’t much different.

Mina held up a piece of paper and she could see the cameras zooming in on it, “Why are you donating $100,000 to charities that no one can account for? Why have you approved more unexcused transfers in the last year than the previous Commissioner did in his entire run?”

Security made a grab for her and Ayeon’s heart dropped, but Mina ducked out of their grasp and leapt off stage, into the crowd that were immobile in shock. Ayeon could see Johnny watching the crowd cautiously while moving closer to Mina, ready to extract her.

“Commissioner, can you explain these donations? Can you explain to the Korean people why the man touting speeches on bravery and trust is taking part in corrupt activities in order to keep ineffective and dangerous police officers within the forces instead of firing them?”

Ayeon watched the Commissioner whisper something to the men beside him and felt jittery. Mina needed to leave _now._ Mina turned to the cameras with a defiant look on her face, “The Korean people don’t deserve to have a corrupt official leading the police forces for another 4 years! They must mobilize and demand that the board removed the Commissioner until the $100,000 can be accounted for!”

Her last yell triggered a chain reaction as crowds of people began murmuring, and security guards began closing in on her. Mina felt her heart pound as cameras turned to her, people yelling questions and crowding around her asking her what she meant and what her sources were. It was suffocating and a sickening panic crawled up her throat. She could see men in dark suits weeding through the crowd to get to her but no matter how hard she tried to push, she couldn’t get away fast enough.

She felt a hand wrap around her wrist, and she yelped, trying to pull away when she met a pair of big dark eyes, boring into hers, “You can trust me, I’m with Ayeon, come on, let’s get you out of here.”

She opened her mouth but just nodded, keeping her head down and letting him pull her out of the crowd. His fingers moved down her wrist and into her hand, but she spread her fingers so that they were slipped through hers, lacing together. 

He looked over his shoulder at their hands, a small smile worked up his lips before he looked over at her. Her eyes widened, finally taking in his handsome face and stature that had him towering over her. “Where’s Ayeon?”

Pushing open the door, they escalated into a small jog as they ducked through rooms, trying to shake off anyone on their trail as the sound of thundering footsteps echoed threateningly behind them, “She said she’s meeting us around the corner.”

He led them to a rickety back door, pushing it open before running outside with her in tow, their hands tightly locked together. “Let me tell you when Ayeon asked me to come with her, I thought all I had to do was be arm candy for an important woman.”

Mina snorted knowingly and he just laughed in agreement as they ran to his jeep, “Yeah, clearly I should’ve known better because now I’m helping a gorgeous redhead who single-handedly just exposed some of the most powerful people in this city run away from the press and security.”

She was glad it was dark, and they were both out of breath because the blush on her face nearly matched the shade of her hair. And she _never_ got flustered. Hell, she just stood in front of cameras broadcasting to millions of people. This wasn’t like her at all. She was the one that made men flustered. He held the door open for her, helping her into the back seat. They finally let go of their hands and he braced himself against the door with a beaming smile.

“Why do I get this feeling that every woman around Ayeon is strikingly beautiful and strong?”

\-----

He drove them to the corner where Ayeon stood, like a beacon of silver. Mina sat up so that her head was wedged between the two front seats.

Ayeon swung the door open and jumped in, “You guys made it out okay?”

Johnny glanced back at Mina with a grin, “She’s in one piece.”

She flushed and slid back into her seat. “What do you think is happening right now?”

Ayeon shook her head, scrolling through her phone looking at the news, “Well, you got what you want, every news station is broadcasting your explosion on repeat. Your article went live, reaction articles are being written relentlessly and the comments are in flames. Job well done Ms. Mina.”

Mina pressed her hands against her chest, “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe we did this.”

Ayeon faced her, her expression serious but her eyes held something new, “Mina, you may have just changed the face of this city as we know it.”

\-----

“Where am I taking her?” Johnny asked as he pulled onto the highway.

Ayeon began putting an address into his GPS, “To my place. I don’t know if anyone will get her address or if they’ll try and dox her. Keep her with me for now.”

Mina was staring at her phone, checking for updates, “The Commissioner was escorted out by his security team, he didn’t give a statement.”

“He probably needs time to put together something that the people will buy which is good. The longer it takes for him to respond, the more time internet-sleuths will dig up past dirt and the public will start taking firmer sides.” Ayeon said. She wasn’t even the one who made a scene, but her heart was racing, and her hands were shaking.

Johnny glanced at his dash before pulling up to a gas station, “I’m running low. Keep an eye out.”

The minute he got out of the car, Mina sat up, peering at Ayeon from between the two seats, “Who the heck is he?”

Ayeon glanced at her briefly, “What do you mean?”

“I tell you how much I’m banking on you and Jaehyun so you bring some guy you’ve _never_ told me about to this thing?” She asked, sounding betrayed.

“How is this important right now?” Ayeon snapped her head, a deep frown on her face, “Wait why? Did something happen?”

Mina fought of the blush growing on her cheeks as she remembered his hand tightly in hers, “No, no. He was…really nice. I just didn’t think you were into someone else.”

“I’m not.” Ayeon said with a laugh, “He’s someone I met at a wedding that Jaehyun was hired to do. He does private security, so I thought he’d be helpful. Jaehyun isn’t particularly fond of cops and I couldn’t bring Jinah or Soya with me knowing what you and I were planning on doing.”

Mina slid back to her seat and looked out the window where Johnny stood, one hand on the gas nozzle and the other slid in his pocket as he watched the meter. He was tall, lean, a leap away from being gangly, but there was strength in his form, precision when he needed it.

He turned and his gaze brushed hers before she looked away, focusing on Ayeon who was pulling her earrings out, “I feel like I never thought this far into the plan.”

Ayeon twisted around in her seat and reached a hand out for Mina to take, “I’m proud of you. Your gut and intuition are leading you right. Just keep following it.”

“I know. You’re right.” She sighed, “Sometimes I just wonder if I’m in over my head. Like really, what the _fuck_ am I doing?”

Ayeon grinned and turned away, “That’s when you know you’re doing something important.”

Silence fell over them before Ayeon spoke up, “But, we’re going to have to let Jinah and Soya know about this.”

“Really?” Mina asked quietly, remembering the wrath Jinah brought on her whenever she showed up at the precinct. That woman terrified her.

She nodded, “They’ll already be suspicious because they know I was here. You need to be ready for that. And maybe, if we’re lucky, we can use their help. Especially Soya’s, who knows how many suits they’ll try to throw at you, especially because they know you accessed those financial statements illegally.”

“Do you trust them?”

“With my life.”

Mina nodded, “Then so do I.”

\-----

Johnny pulled up to her apartment and Ayeon gave her keys to Mina with specific instructions where to go before looking over at Johnny.

“Thank you, for all of this.”

He grinned, “This might be out of my pay grade but I’m not going to lie, it feels nice helping do something that’ll bring this city some good.”

She tilted her head, watching him expectantly and he smiled, grimly, “When you’re in private security, you learn that people hire you for two reasons: they’re rich or they don’t trust the police to protect them. A lot more people hire us because of the latter. I wouldn’t trust the police to look after the lives of Kath and Jo. So, I might not exactly have a vendetta against them, but I’m glad that you two are doing something to hold these people accountable.”

“I hope that’s what happens.” She said quietly, “Mina’s the one leading the charge. I’m just backup and that girl…she’s been driving herself into the ground because of it.”

He looked up at the apartment, “I respect the hell out of that.”

\-----

“Aren’t you going to change?” Mina asked when Ayeon flitted around the apartment, setting the girl up in the guest group with extra clothes and toiletries while still in her gown.

She scratched the back of her neck, “Actually, if you’re settled here, there’s somewhere I need to go. Although I’m not sure when I’ll be back. Are you okay alone for one night? If you’re nervous I can stay.”

She tried to ignore the look Mina gave her, “Oh my god, no, go! I’ll be fine. I have you on speed dial, I’m good.”

“Okay, oh, and Johnny is parked out front if you need anything or if there’s an emergency.” Ayeon said with a snap of her fingers.

Her eyes widened and Ayeon didn’t notice the way she sat up, “Wait…he is? Why?”

“Just to make sure no one weird tries to get up here. He’s going to wait around for a few hours. Is that okay with you?” She asked with a frown.

“Yeah.” She said softly, looking away, “That’s fine.” 

\-----

Johnny’s eyes danced over the front of the building, hours passed since Ayeon had left, spectacularly uneventfully, and his tie was starting to choke him.

Loosening it, he froze when Mina swung the door of the apartment building open and skittered across the street and got into the seat next to him in what felt like one breath.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, staring at her incredulously.

She tightened the blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders and shifted in the seat, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“Nothing.” She blurted, leaning against his door.

That wasn’t a proper answer and Johnny was about to launch into a rant about how it was safer in Ayeon’s apartment and that this is ridiculous because he was supposed to head home in 30 minutes, but Mina yawned and curled further into the seat, her eyes drooping.

He sighed, turning the car on and facing the heaters towards her, “Was it hard, being up there alone?”

She glanced over at him and nodded silently before her eyes slipped shut and she fell asleep. He waited a few minutes and pulled out his phone before messaging his team that they could sleep in tomorrow and have a late start because he knew he wasn’t leaving this spot until Mina woke up.

He reached over her body, pulling on the recliner until she was laid out flat and far more comfortable than before. He chewed on his lip before shucking off his blazer, balling it up and sliding it under her head. 

She seemed younger when she was asleep, not like someone who stood courageously in front of influential men accusing of them abusing their power.

It was making sense to him why Ayeon was so protective of this woman.

He would be too.

\-----

Jaehyun was wired.

He couldn’t go to sleep if he tried.

Instead, he stayed up, refreshing the front page as the news of Mina’s article began to spread. It was like the plague; it was spreading too fast for anyone to try to cover it up now. The entire nation knew, there was no going back. Oppositions that were vying for the seat as Commissioner began speaking out, releasing statements about how the office should be held by virtues of loyalty, honesty, transparency, and integrity. There was no way he’d be re-elected. Jaehyun was vibrating off the feeling of excitement and nerves, unsure where any of this left them.

A soft knock on the door pulled his attention away because without looking he knew who it was.

He swung it open and felt every bit of air rush out of his lungs as he stared at the woman in front of him. Ayeon’s eyes were heavy, strands of her hair falling out of her updo and grazing the curve of her neck in a way that had his fingers itching to touch.

His mouth dried as his gaze finally met her dress. It was made of silver and sinful dreams, wrapping tightly around her like armor, a dress of a warrior. He figured that this was how Roman goddesses looked like when they roamed around the heavens looking down on humans. She was breathtaking in every sense of the word.

She blinked up with her eyes dusted in a heavy black.

“Hi.” She rasped.

Rome sure was great before it fell.

“Tired?” Was all he could muster. It felt pathetic, saying something so plain as if she hadn’t helped take down the corrupt while dressed like divinity.

She smiled and he felt his knees give a little from under him, “Helping a young woman expose a scandal really takes a lot out of you.”

He laughed coarsely and stepped aside, letting her in.

She walked into his foyer and kicked her heels off, sighing when his cold floor welcomed her feet. He followed her with his eyes as she walked past him, dropping her clutch on the kitchen counter before collapsing on his couch.

He took her in from the top of her head to the tip of her toes, lingering on the open back of the dress that dipped dangerously low save for the intricate swirl of crystal that ran up the center of her spine before branching out into the straps.

“You are beautiful.”

Ayeon froze, her hand stilling in its search for the pins in her hair. She slowly turned and stared at him over her shoulder. It rocked her to the core that he didn’t say she _looked_ beautiful. She wondered if that was intentional.

“I—” Her mouth moved but words didn’t come out. She wasn’t sure what to make of the gentle compliment or the way the sickening feeling clawed its way into her chest. His eyes were warm, honest with a spark of something she couldn’t define. She hadn’t expected it in the slightest. “Thank you.” 

His face revealed nothing extra as he took measured steps towards her, “Is Mina okay?”

“Yeah, she’s at my place. Johnny’s watching it.”

He blinked, “Kath’s cousin?”

“Yeah.” She said while leaning her head back against the couch now that her hair was out of it confines and fell over her shoulders in waves.

Jaehyun nodded, realizing that she had taken Johnny to the event with her. He wished he was stronger and could accompany her himself, but with Mina’s safety at stake, he didn’t need Ayeon distracted by how he was coping being surrounded by police officials.

“Johnny’s good people.” He confirmed.

She made a non-committal sound, distracted when Triple leaped into her lap. He walked in tight circles before hissing when the beads on her dress irritated his paws. Instead, he chose to perch on the armrest, rubbing against her bare skin.

“I didn’t bring any extra clothes with me.” She mused to herself as she scratched under his chin.

“You’re staying the night?” He asked, but his voice held no surprise.

“I’d like to.” She said quietly.

“You can borrow something of mine.” He offered with a small smile.

She nodded, content before stretching her legs out on the coffee table. He sat down next to her, his own legs propped up by hers as they indulged in the calming silence. She soaked it up, appreciating the frantic panic from the ballroom fading away. She would have repercussions to deal with tomorrow but today, next to Jaehyun, in silence, she was at peace.

“Why aren’t you asking me about what happened tonight?” She asked, finally breaking the silence.

“I imagine you’d like a moment to yourself for once.” He replied evenly, “You can debrief me tomorrow.”

She blinked and stared at his profile, the warm and familiar slopes and angles that made up something so comforting. It alarmed her how well he knew her and what she wanted. Overcome with emotion, she reached out without thinking and tenderly brushed his cheek with the back of her fingers.

He bit down the sharp breath itching out of his throat and the flames that ran through his veins when he turned and locked eyes with hers. The shimmer of her dress reflected against her skin, turning warm brown eyes to glacial gems.

“I have makeup wipes.”

Her eyes widened incredulously before pulling her hand back, trying to follow his train of thought, “I didn’t realize you wore makeup.” She said simply.

He blinked before shaking his head with an embarrassed smile, “No, I—after you stayed over before, I figured it might be a recurring thing so, if you come from work or some event, I thought…I thought I should have things that make washing up more comfortable for you.”

It was incredibly mundane, something that just cost a few dollars. He bought her makeup wipes because he felt bad that she’d go to sleep with her makeup on. She couldn’t help herself, she just started to laugh. She laughed so hard that her feet dropped off the table and she was bent forward, hugging her stomach laughing in disbelief that this man extended so much attention and compassion to someone like her. Someone who was deprived of it her entire upbringing. It was absurdly wonderful, and she couldn’t think of a way to let him know, or a way to explain the odd hiccup in her chest whenever he was around her.

So, she just laughed.

And like Jaehyun, he didn’t frown, he didn’t look insecure or offended, he just stared at the way her lips split open and the warm vibration that echoed in her throat and across his apartment. She was breathtaking and it took half a second before the absurdity made its way to him, as it clicked just how hard he had fallen for this woman, despite his baggage, his pain, his trauma, she had tripped him despite it all.

In a second, he was with her, laughing so hard, that his cheeks hurt and he was getting stitches in his sides. She wiped tears from the corner of her eyes as her laughter began to subdue, small chuckles still escaping her as she leaned her head back. It was like a knot unwound in her chest like the laughter had massaged the tension in her muscles.

Then, in a voice so even and clear, Jaehyun piped up, “I just can’t fathom the damage your eyeshadow will do to my pillow covers.”

She lasted two seconds before the laughter exploded out of her again.

Twice in one night. It had to be a record.

She sighed, out of breath, and leaned her head against his arm, completely at ease and relaxed, “Tomorrow is going to suck.”

He hummed melodically, fiddling with a sequin on her dress, “So, why not make tonight triumphant?”


	24. rhododendrons

Ayeon was stretched out on Jaehyun’s couch, dressed in one of his sweaters and a pair of sweatpants that made her feel cocooned in a type of warmth that she didn’t want to acknowledge. She was spending a lazy morning consisting of her scrolling through her phone, keeping up to date on the fallout from last night while the news played softly in the background.

She didn’t have any angry texts demanding she come down to the precinct, so she took it as a good sign.

“We have allowed the leadership of corruption run this city for too long. How are people of this great city supposed to feel safe when they can’t even trust police enforcement?”

Ayeon glanced up, watching the press conference that was playing on loop.

“Kim Byung-Ho is looking good for interim Commissioner.” Jaehyun mumbled as he leaned against the couch, watching from over her shoulder.

Ayeon chewed on her lip, looking up at him, “He’s always been big on transparency and accountability. I can’t imagine the mayor saying no to putting his name forward.”

“Could be good for this city.” Jaehyun quipped, pushing himself off before walking to his kitchen.

She hummed, glancing back at her phone, scanning the comments, there were a few directed about Mina, questioning her credibility, her past with other newspapers, and some hateful ones probably fuelled by the loyalty of political supporters who rallied behind the mayor who had shown the Commissioner support when he was elected.

It was a relief that nothing about Mina scratched past that, most of the anger was directed to the Commissioner, demanding a statement that he had still yet to put out. There was nothing that struck as a red flag. His name was trending on all portals and social networks, Mina’s article had hits that were growing past tens of thousands and hurtling towards the hundreds. She was sure that Mina was probably fielding hundreds of phone calls and emails from people who wanted a statement.

A burst of pride bloomed in her chest at the thought of how far Mina had come. How her name would be etched next to journalists of her caliber breaking stories that changed the blueprint of the city and how it was run.

Her phone buzzed and a text from Johnny popped up. She clicked it, her brows raising.

**Johnny: Mina’s safe, nothing happened, she’s still at your place.**

“Huh.” She mumbled, switching back to the news.

“What?” Jaehyun called from the kitchen.

She shook her head, “Johnny texted me, said that Mina’s fine.”

“And that’s weird because?”

She smiled slightly, “Because he texted me at 9AM when he told me that he was only going to stay until like 2AM. He camped out the entire night.”

\-----

It wasn’t until Jinah called her phone, that she felt inclined to get off Jaehyun’s couch.

“Why the hell did that little brat Mina just open the door to your apartment to let us in? Why is she in your apartment? Did she break in? She ran out of here like she broke in.”

She had tried convincing Jaehyun to come with her under the guise of brunch, but he snorted and said that just because he and Jinah were working on their friendship didn’t mean he wanted to be in the path of her wrath when Ayeon came clean.

“You’re a traitor.” She hissed, shoving Soya’s dress and the rest of her things into a bag.

He just grinned, leaning against the door frame, watching her storm away from his apartment dressed in his clothes.

\-----

“You…she…but wait…you were helping her?!” Jinah screamed after Ayeon finished filling her and Soya in on the events of the last few weeks.

Soya already had her laptop open, the shock had worn off quickly for her, “We’ll probably need to prepare for libel suits and they might try to come at her for illegally obtaining financial documents but we could spin it. I’m also not entirely against flat out lying about how she got access to those.”

Jinah stared at her girlfriend, her jaw dropped, “How are you moving on so fast?! Mina has been a giant thorn in my ass since the day she stormed into our precinct causing a scene.” She turned and glared at Ayeon, “And what about you? She did all that shit about Lucas and the podcast!? What about that?”

“You sound hysterical.” Soya mumbled, her fingers flying over her keyboard, “You never sound hysterical.”

Ayeon fought off a smile, “She quit before it aired, that’s why it ended up failing, her editor didn’t have any of the research she collected. She came to me about this corruption stuff. She wanted to expose the hazing happening and then…you know how the rabbit hole works.”

“Fucking hell. This is insane. The precinct is in utter chaos because of her stunt.” Jinah breathed out. Her eyes widened, “No wonder you agreed to go. Oh my god. I can’t know any of this. I have a billion meetings over the next few days to figure out how the precinct is going to recover from this. People might ask me questions that I can’t know the answer to.”

Ayeon gave her an apologetic look, “I know this puts you in a hard place. It’s partially why telling you guys was so hard. I know this might jeopardize your career. Who knows what changes the interim Commissioner might make. If it’s about transparency, the cuts might start with leadership.”

“Yeah.” Jinah said quietly, causing Soya to look up with a frown. No matter the reason why Jinah began a cop, it was something that she was good at, she was a leader, she had the power to bring change. Losing her would be a bigger blow to the city and the police force than losing their Commissioner, “I’m not really sure what’s going to happen next.” 

She quickly smiled brightly, only causing Soya’s frown to grow, “Maybe it’s time for a change of scenery, I never liked those old men anyways.”

\-----

The thing about bad things that make them hurt so much more is that whenever you think back to them, you always think about the hours before the bad thing happened.

You think about the mundane activities that you carried on with, oblivious to the way your life was about to change forever in a few short hours and minutes. You think back to those moments and nearly explode with frustration, wishing you could grab your past-self by the shoulders and shake them in warning of what was about to happen.

You think about how you did groceries before the car accident. You think about how you were cleaning the house before the police came. You think about how you were walking the dog before the hospital called. You think about how you were painting your nails before you got that email.

You think, you fixate, you _obsess_ over the unassuming moments because those are your last memories of peace.

The thing about bad things is that you never know it’s a bad thing until the very second that it’s too late.

She was in front of Jaehyun’s store, an hour before it was closing when the bad thing happened.

After spending half the day at her apartment strategizing with Soya to come up with the best way to protect Mina legally, she finally was able to get of the house. Part of her should have seen it coming, for the bomb that Mina had exploded, it was too silent, the internal frenzy of the police force shouldn’t have meant that dangerous people forgot who was at the root of all their problems.

And who needed to be extinguished.

It was idiotic of her to allow herself to be lulled into a false sense of security where things were going their way; where they were winning.

She had her messages open after sending a text to Jinah and avoiding Taeil and Doyoung’s messages asking her what she saw at the Commissioner’s Ball. She was about to exit the app when she noticed that Mina’s name was listed fifth.

That didn’t make sense.

She texted Johnny, Jinah and had two unread messages from Taeil and Doyoung. That was four people. She rarely texted Mina. They always spoke face to face.

Why the hell was she the fifth most recent person she texted?

Opening the text chain, she scanned it, her concern growing when she read the last messages they exchanged.

**Me: Hey, you okay?**

**Mina: Yeah, a bit overwhelmed but okay.**

**Me: Let’s meet. We need to go over our game plan.**

**Mina: Sure. By the alley? Tomorrow at 8? I have some errands and research to do.**

**Me: Perfect**

She sent these messages in the middle of the night last night when she was at Jaehyun’s place. Her hand began to shake.

She must’ve blacked out.

Panic crawled up her throat as she ran, she hadn’t had a blackout for months, she thought she was fixed, she thought it wouldn’t be a liability anymore. She thought things had gone back to normal.

Ayeon closed her eyes and tried to remember last night. She remembered talking to Jaehyun on his touch, leaning against his arm. She remembered taking her make up off in his bathroom and him handing her his clothes to change into. She remembered being insanely tired and falling asleep right away, her phone next to her head.

The rest was a blur.

She didn’t remember if she woke up in the middle night to send Mina a message. Maybe she did. Maybe she was worried because she wasn’t staying with Mina. She had felt guilty of leaving her alone. She did this to Jinah all the time, waking up in the middle of the night with a new direction for a case, or to Soya, she’d wake up at odd hours, asking her if she wanted to grab breakfast in the morning.

But she always remembered those moments.

The moments where a swatch of time went missing with texts she didn’t remember sending was when she blacked out. She checked her phone and felt sick.

**_8:45PM_ **

There was no way she was _still_ waiting for her, right?

She hit Mina’s contact and called her number, her phone shaking against her ear as it rang over and over again with no answer.

_Hey, you reached Mina’s phone, I can’t come to th—_

Ayeon hung up and felt dread grow up her stomach. She lifted her head and stared into Jaehyun’s store, her mind racing. He stepped out from the back and noticed her by the door. His smile faded when he saw the colour drain from her face.

Mina’s face was _everywhere_ and she was barely two blocks away from the precinct where she angered hundreds of people, some incredibly powerful. When her phone started ringing again, her heart jumped as Mina’s name flashed on her screen.

“Hello? Mina are you okay?” Her voice sounded alien to her own ears, taking a pitch higher than she was used to. There was nothing on the other end aside from shuffling and scratching. Ayeon ran her fingers through her hair nervously.

“Mi—”

She froze, the hair on the back of her neck rising when a sound so distinctly like a cross between a scream and a gasp sliced through the air before the line went dead. 

“Fuck!” Ayeon screamed before she bolted down the street towards the alley where Mina had once kept her waiting 2 hours.

How could she let this happen?

\-----

Mina wondered if this was how everyone felt like when they were dying.

The cold didn’t even chill her anymore, in fact, she grazed her fingers against the blade that was wedged below her belly button, it actually felt pleasantly warm. A buzzing heat that expanded across her abdomen.

Why she wasn’t more scared?

She was pretty sure she was about to die.

Mina forced her eyes to stay open, staring at the masked man, dressed in black that stood over her. She tried to remember everything she could about him, from his stature to his height, but then again, from the floor, everyone seemed taller.

He crouched down to pull the blade out of her, but before he could stand again, she garbled in pain, swinging her arm out to grab the mask around his mouth and pull it off. Her hand flopped next to her unceremoniously as she stared at his face, his mask hanging off of one ear.

His eyes widened in panic and she squinted, trying to commit it to memory. He looked familiar, but a name didn’t jump out, she couldn’t figure out how she knew him. He quickly pulled the mask back over his face, rage filling his eyes before holding the knife over his head. But just as he was about to swing down, a flurry of footsteps charged towards them and she barely rolled her neck over before she made out Ayeon’s figure careening towards him.

 _Oh, thank god._ She thought before letting her eyes close.

\-----

Rage wasn’t a strong enough word to describe the feeling her body produced when she saw Mina.

Her mind blurred, replacing Mina with images of Lucas and Haerin, flickering between the two like a skipping film, before it defaulted back to Mina whose hand was over the bloodied wound. This was her fault. She wasn’t fighting with precision or technique that she was trained with. She fought with emotion; her punches messy but painful. Her swings frantic but landing.

But he was steady on his feet and had a knife.

Her back hit the brick wall when he kicked her back by the stomach, digging viciously into her shoulders as she fought the knife away, pushing it by the hilt, horror etching across her features when the tip of the blade was suspended between her eyes. She could feel her arms burning and hysteria rising as Mina continued to lay lifelessly next to her feet.

It was getting closer. And she didn’t think she could last much longer.

Cutting her losses, Ayeon turned her head to the side, letting the blade press against her cheek. She let out a gargled scream when it carved down the side of her face, pain blasting across her face before it was replaced with a wet warmth from the stream of blood that poured down her neck, dribbling on her shirt like paint splatter by a tortured artist. It felt like her face was being ripped open.

“Hey!”

The sound of a door slamming broke the both of them out of their concentration and Ayeon used the last of her energy to shove the man away. He stumbled but remained on his feet before racing away from the voice.

Ayeon fell to her knees, gravel, and dirt sticking to the blood on her hands as she scrambled over to Mina.

“M-Mina? Wake up. Please _god_ please wake up.” Her voice cracked and shook as she pressed down on the wound.

Her trembling hand reached out in search of a pulse. Her eyes widened when a gentle, slow throbbing responded to her touch.

“Oh my god.” She whispered as she forced herself to stand while lifting Mina up in her arms, but she took one step and nearly collapsed, her arms spent.

“Here, I got her.” She looked up and nearly burst into tears as Jaehyun carefully took Mina from her arms. He didn’t look at her, keeping his gaze on the woman in hands before the pair of them broke out into a staggering run to his car.

She pulled the door open and stared at the blood stain her hand had left on the handle. She wasn’t even sure if it was her blood or Mina’s and the thought of it made her sick. She got into the back after Mina, resting the girl’s head on her lap as Jaehyun ran around to the driver’s seat.

“Is she dead?” His voice was hoarse.

She couldn’t think straight or even respond, her entire body was trembling, and she wasn’t sure she could move. Mina looked dead. The cut on her forehead dripped across her face and she stared at the little drops until she realized it wasn’t Mina’s cut that was bleeding, it was the slash across Ayeon’s face.

Leaning her head back, she felt her eyes burn as she pressed both hands against Mina’s wound.

“Ayeon, I know you’re in shock, but I need you with me. Is she dead?” He pressed.

She shut her eyes tight, “No. But her pulse is weak.”

“Fuck.” He hissed, that was one of the rare times she had ever hear him swear. “Okay, I think there’s a hospital nearby.”

She wasn’t listening anymore she couldn’t even feel half her face. Her heart pounded so hard that she was sure she would go into cardiac arrest and it would all be far better than being awake now with a girl dying in her arms.

“Where’s the wound?” He asked.

She must’ve said something to him because he was mumbling something incoherently, but her mind wasn’t allowing her to comprehend it.

This was _her_ fault. She told Jaehyun and Mina over and over again that she would protect her. That nothing bad would happen to her. Instead, she put her in the direct line of fire, leaving her open and vulnerable to be attacked.

It made her sick thinking about what Mina was thinking when she didn’t show up as she said and the fear when someone else found her.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

She looked at Jaehyun who swerved away from the entrance of the hospital, driving straight passed it. Frowning, she looked out the window, her eyes widened when she saw a dark car parked by the entrance, a man dressed in all black waiting outside of it.

“He was waiting for you to bring her. What the hell?” He muttered before tossing his phone to Ayeon, “Look up the next hospital.”

She stared down at his phone that had fallen next to her feet. She didn’t need to look it up, she knew exactly where the next nearest hospital was.

It was where her dad was admitted, after all.

\-----

The emergency staff were waiting by the front with a stretcher and Ayeon nearly kicked Jaehyun’s car door open, heaving Mina in her arms, regardless of the pain ringing in her body and placed her on the stretcher, as nurses and doctors wheeled her into the emergency room, yelling orders and applying pressure to her wound.

“Do you know her blood type?”

Ayeon felt her lip tremble, “No.”

“Is she on any medicine? Any allergies?”

She wanted to vomit, “I don’t know.”

She raced behind them, the fluorescent hospital lights and sickening sterile scent making her sick. She felt her limbs slow, like she was running upstream, her vision swimming and her balance unsteady until she felt a firm grip on her arm.

She looked up at a doctor who was staring down at her with a glower, “You’re bleeding. We need to get you fixed.”

“N-No.” She slurred, woozy. She tried to pull away and run after Mina, but he was persistent, “M-Mina, I need-need to…”

“Your friend is in the best care possible. You need some too.”

She was shaking and gave up, letting herself be led to an empty room where she was seated, nurses fretting over the gash on her face. The one she couldn’t even feel anymore.

Then she started to cry.

\-----

She didn’t know how much time had passed.

Her cheek was sewn together the doctor wasn’t pleased with how deep it had gone but said that it would heal and handed her some cream she was instructed to apply before slapping a scratched bandage over it. It pulled on her skin whenever she moved her mouth, so she took it as an excuse to stay silent.

Now she was seated by the row of chairs facing the room where Mina was taken wondering if she was dreaming or trapped in nothingness, suspended in limbo.

“Weird.”

She looked over her shoulder where Jaehyun stood, holding a small potted gift shop plant in his hands with a tired, sad smile. “The nurse said my wife was seated by the chairs and that she’d let me know about the condition of my sister-in-law.”

Ayeon turned away, “It was the only way they’d let us stay.”

“By in-law, I assume you told them that you were her sister.” He said quietly like if he spoke any louder, it would break her heart.

She said nothing, just staring at the door.

“Mina doesn’t have any family, right?” He pointed out as he sat down next to her, her back facing him as she twisted to face the door.

“Yeah well.” Ayeon took a deep breath. “She does now.”

His lips quirked and he set the pot by his feet and softly wrapped his fingers around her arm, pulling her back until she met his chest. She glanced at him for a second and stayed propped up against him before fixing her gaze at the operating room doors.

“In that case,” he mumbled calmly against her ear, “we’ll stay here all night if we have to.”

\-----

An hour passed, Mina was still hidden away behind the doors and she could tell by the evenness of his breathing and the slouch of his body against hers, that Jaehyun had fallen asleep. She carefully pulled away, adjusting him comfortably before she walked away, pausing to steady her steps when her knees buckled.

She pressed her hand to her eyes, trying to steady her breath before she pushed herself upright and tried again. Once she caught her balance, she walked down confusing hallways that she followed like a maze until she stood in front of the door she was searching for.

She was numb.

No fear, no room in her mind to overthink and flee, there was nothing as she stared through the small window at her father who laid on a hospital bed with tubes stuck to his arm looking like a fraction of the man that haunted her memories.

She pushed the door open and walked over, standing by the foot of his bed, staring down at his sleeping figure. She wasn’t sure if it was anger or guilt, but with Mina a few doors down fighting for her life, she resented her father for being able to survive.

Lucas died, Haerin died and Mina might die but her father lived.

Where was the justice in that?

She hated him.

She hated him so much that he didn’t feel like her father, someone she lived with for 16 years.

When his eyes slowly opened, she didn’t look away to avoid his wrath, she didn’t cower to make herself smaller in his presence. She just stared down her nose at him.

It took him a second before his eyes fully adjusted and recognized her. She excepted disgust and anger from him after the time he spent avoiding her, she expected him to be furious that she came to see him despite his attempts to keep her away.

“What happened?”

His voice was gravelly and slow, nothing like the sharp, crisp tone that would crack across silence like static shock and leave her with terrible whiplash. It took her a moment to figure out what he meant until she realized he was referring to the bandage that took up most of her face.

She reached up, to touch it and she could see his eyes follow the dried blood that stained her hand. There was no worry or concern in his eyes. He just stared like he was watching a Shakespearean tragedy, waiting for dramatic, heart-wrenching prose to be recited.

Perhaps that was what she was now. A tragedy.

Julius Caesar seemed fitting.

“I was attacked with a knife.” She said simply. Maybe she wanted to shock him into caring.

But he just tilted his head back before a slow smile worked up his lips, “On the very same cheek I slapped you, too. Irony is wasted on the stupid. Oscar Wilde said that.”

Her eyes widened, and her heart thudded, the numbness wore off and replaced with crippling anxiety.

 _That’s_ what he remembered? 

His eyes trailed down her cheek, his smile not faltering, “At least your mother had her beauty. What do you have now?”

She was going to throw up, she could feel the bile speeding up her throat because it didn’t matter what happened to her, it didn’t matter what she faced, who she became. Her father knew her best because he created her flaws.

She ran out of the hospital room and collapsed against the wall, sliding to the ground until she was curled up into a ball, bracing herself from the crushing weight that hung over her. The desperation to make it all go away.

Jaehyun stood at the end of the hall, his hands shaking as he watched Ayeon grip her fingers into her hair as she pressed herself against the wall.

Devastated.

\-----

She wasn’t sure how she managed to make it back to where Jaehyun was seated, still asleep as she left him, it felt like years had passed from her father’s room to the waiting area.

When she sat down, he stirred, groaning before looking over at her, “Hey.”

She tucked her lips into her mouth and just flickered a look towards him from the side of her eyes, “She’s still in there.”

His eyes filled with something heavy as his fingers reached for her covered cheek, but she turned away, not letting him touch it. “I didn’t notice you were hurt.”

“Good.” She deadpanned, “Mina was worse off.”

His fingers dropped to his lap and he stared at this woman next to him who managed to wear cracked armor no matter how many times the pieces would fall off in the middle of a battle. She was relentless and powerful.

But the thing about power is it’s not enough to hide behind.

He slipped his hand into hers before she could pull away and squeezed it tightly, “I’ve got you.”

“Stop.” Her voice cracked and she looked away, “Stop comforting me. I did this. I’m the reason she’s there.”

“Oh.” He said bitterly, “I didn’t realize you’re the one that took a knife to her.”

She shot him a look that he threw right back at her, “If you didn’t attack her, then it’s not your fault.”

“I sent her that text. _I_ blacked out. _I_ forgot to meet her there. _I’m_ the reason she was open to being attacked a day after her face was plastered nationwide. I should’ve been around her 24/7. What the fuck was I thinking?” She hissed, tears building up.

His face was stone, “Mina is _not_ dead. Stop talking about her like she’s Lucas. Stop acting like she’s already gone.”

“But I—”

The sound of the doors sliding open had both of them on their feet before the doctor made it out. He looked tired but the smile on his lips filled them with a sense of relief that felt surreal and Ayeon squeezed Jaehyun’s hand hard enough to cut off his blood circulation.

“She’s stable. She’s doing good, she’s a strong one. We need to keep her under observation, and we have her sedated for now. Luckily the wound was on her lower abdomen, I don’t think she would’ve made it if it was anywhere else with that much blood loss.”

“Oh my god.” Ayeon blurted with her hand on her chest.

Jaehyun let out a loud breath, “Can we see her?”

“Not at the moment, but tomorrow you should be able to see her. I understand she was attacked and that you’re with the police, if it makes you feel better, you can have people standing outside of her room if her safety is a concern.”

Ayeon nodded and they thanked him graciously before he left, “I’ll stay.”

Jaehyun stared at her incredulously, “Are you serious? You’re exhausted and injured. You won’t do her any good as protection.”

“Well, I can’t call for backup, police officers don’t exactly love her.” She spat out bitterly.

“What about Jinah or Soya? Or that list of officers you said that Mina could trust?”

She shifted on her feet, “I don’t want any cop near her, even the ones I trust. I don’t want people to know where she is, I don’t want to draw attention. I also don’t need Jinah to be seen taking the side of the person that is getting her boss fired.”

He gave her a defeated look, “What are you going to do?”

\-----

“Christ, you guys look awful.”

Ayeon couldn’t muster up even a fake smile as Johnny strolled towards the two of them with a few of his men behind him. “Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

His eyes darted to the blood on her clothes and her cheek before he smiled cautiously, “I feel like this is going to be a pattern.”

He held out a hand to Jaehyun that returned the handshake with a tense smile, “What can I do for you guys?”

“I need you to guard Mina until tomorrow morning.” Ayeon asked.

His brows knit, “Okay…where is she?”

Ayeon pointed to the door they stood in front of. Johnny did a double take before he stepped closer to stare at Mina who was propped up on a bed with pillows and wires attached to her, vitals beeping steadily.

“What the _fuck_?” He hissed. His men looked over at him, surprise flashing over their features. “I just saw her this morning. What the hell happened?”

She shook her head, grotesque memories forcing themselves through. Her mouth didn’t move, she couldn’t verbalize what happened, she couldn’t play it back. Not yet. Jaehyun intervened, his tone holding authority that he rarely ever used.

“She was attacked near my shop and we think it was in response to her article.”

Johnny’s jaw tensed, “A hired hit? Or a random attack by some political pundit who resented her?”

“I would guess the former but there’s no way of telling. There was only one guy, we didn’t get a look at him. They were waiting for us by the hospital by 16th. We don’t know if he’s smart enough to check this one.”

“What are my people up against?” He asked seriously.

“Nothing tonight. We’re hoping. Ayeon is just taking precautions. Far as we know, he only has a knife.”

He nodded and looked over at Ayeon who was blinking slowly in a daze, “You okay?”

She nodded, “Just tired.”

“She okay now.” Johnny said, glancing at Jaehyun who nodded in confirmation, “She’s okay. So, go get some sleep. She’ll be here in the morning.”

“Watch her all the time.” Jaehyun spoke up, his voice hard, “Even when the doctors check in on her, follow them into the room, watch what they’re doing, ask questions.”

He nodded seriously, “We’re ready for anything.”

“Thank you.” She breathed out, looking at him. “For coming down here so late at night with your team.”

His lips hitched but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You looked out for my cousin. Let’s call it even.”

She nodded and turned to Jaehyun who handed the potted plant to Johnny and carefully rested his hand on the small of Ayeon’s back, “We’re going to rest up and meet you back here.”

He nodded, “I’ll make sure she stays safe.”

\-----

Johnny watched her from the window, unable to face away like the rest of his men were. Her skin was pale, and she looked inhuman. It was much different than when she woke up with a furious blush when she realized she had fallen asleep in his car next to him. He remembered laughing when she tripped over the blanket trying to run back into the apartment muttering hasty apologies.

Guilt crept over him, maybe he should’ve checked in on her.

“Boss?”

He looked over at one of the guys who was watching him, “You okay? You know her?”

“Not well.”

But he was starting to wish he did.

\-----

The nurse at the front desk had seen their state and told them of a small hotel nearby that would take them in for cheap.

Ayeon stood behind Jaehyun as he spoke to the woman at the front desk, “Two rooms, please. It would be great if they were close together.”

“Yeah, we can do that.”

“One.”

Jaehyun and the woman looked over at Ayeon who was staring off at a tacky painting that was hanging crookedly on the wall, “One room, please.”

The woman glanced at Jaehyun who stared at Ayeon for a long minute before nodding at her, “One room. Two beds.”

The woman nodded and brought them their keycards and led them to the room, leaving them to settle in. Ayeon just stood in the middle, staring vacantly as Jaehyun moved around to close the blinds and switching the lights on in the bathroom.

“You should shower, wash the blood off.” He prodded softly.

She slid her gaze to him, and he held it until she began to speak, “A positive.”

“What?”

She swallowed a lump down her throat, “My blood type. It’s A positive.”

His brows knit together, “Wh—”

“I’m not allergic to anything. I’m on birth control and I occasionally take sleeping pills prescribed by my therapist. I don’t know the name of it or anything, but my therapist is Dr. Lee, her contact information is on my phone, you can probably call her for the exact name. Oh, and my password is 0614, my birthday. I should change it, but at least this way you’ll know my date of birth too. I was born in 1990.” She rattled off.

“What are you doing?” He muttered.

She felt her body shake, “I didn’t know _any_ of that information about Mina. They were asking me all this stuff about her medical history and I knew _none_ of it. I spend so much time with you, if something ever happened to me, you should know this about me in case you get asked.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you.” He whispered as he moved towards her, holding the side of her cheek that she let him touch. “You’re okay. Mina is okay. Just breathe.”

She started to count in her head, backward from ten, praying that it could be the magic solution to compartmentalize emotions that were attacking her without mercy.

She barely made it 5 before it was clear that it wasn’t going to work.

Tears filled her eyes and he pulled her into his arms, sitting on the edge of the bed as she screamed into his shoulder, tears streaming down her face as she fought every emotion that rushed out. The helplessness and fear of Mina’s life slipping away, memories of Lucas’s death, images of Haerin laying in a pool of her own blood, her father’s plunging words, it all came out in nonsensical wails.

He said nothing, comforting words felt acrid and metallic on his tongue. He knew he couldn’t fix this, and he couldn’t make it all better. This was a sick twisted pain that was only offset by every other horror she had ever experienced in her life. It was a unique concoction of trauma and pain that could only be soothed by the tears that soaked his sweater and cries that were muffled against his shoulder.

So, he held her. He held her and fought back his own tears, just rocking her back and forth as she cried.

He held her the way he wished someone had held him when his world fell apart.

\-----

_Unread message 7:57PM_

_[LuckyStar88] I can’t meet you…just be safe_


	25. foxgloves

_Mina._

_I fucking hated you when I met you._

_You questioned things that I wanted to forget, you made me doubt my own memory, my own pain and the relive things that lived in my nightmares. I never thought, in a million years, that I’d be so protective of you. That I’d worry so much about you. That when I see you, I feel an unreasonable amount of pride. That you’d be willing to trust your life in my hands._

_And I’m sorry that I let you down._

_If I could go back in time, I would be there at 8PM. I would’ve stood in front of you if someone tried to attack you. But I can’t go back in time. I can’t fix this and it’s terrifying. I’m losing control and I don’t know how to do any of it without your help. You were the strong one._

_I will make it up to you. I promise._

_Please be okay._

Ayeon stared at the note that she had typed out on her phone, she wasn’t the best with words, she had been putting off writing letters for a while now. She looked over at Mina’s figure, laying on the hospital bed in front of her.

The colour had returned to her face, the doctor said that she’s had no complications and has been recovering well. Johnny had said the night was uneventful. It didn’t make Ayeon feel any better, though.

“I brought food.”

She glanced over at the door where Jaehyun had entered from, his hair was stuffed into a beanie he had found in his car and bags swinging from his fingers. She looked back at her phone, the words she had written sounded empty and awkward.

“I’m not hungry.” She muttered.

He reached his fingers out and touched her shoulder gently, “You haven’t eaten for over 24 hours.”

“I’m not leaving her.” She said firmly.

His fingers moved to her hair, combing the knots out of it, “You’ll be sitting right here.”

She said nothing and just hugged her knees closer to her chest. He just continued to work through her strands, “I also bought you some clothes.”

“What?” She asked with a frown, finally tearing her gaze away from Mina to look at him.

He held out another bag, “It isn’t much, I found a thrift shop outside, grabbed you a sweater and some joggers. You need to get out of the dried blood.”

His fingers reached for her bandaged cheek but when her entire body seized, he let them fall on her shoulder, grazing over her shirt. She reached out, squeezing his hand as she stared at Mina. Falling asleep from crying too much had changed something in her relationship with Jaehyun. There was no more hesitation, there were no more cautionary touches. He was the only thing that was keeping her from going ballistic and losing her mind. She needed to hold onto him more than she could make sense of it. So, her hands and fingertips found him naturally.

“Thanks.” She whispered.

He brushed his thumb against her knuckles, running his other hand through her hair when she rested her head against his side. “Of course. Did you change your bandage, detective?”

“Yeah.” She breathed out.

He crouched down next to her, meeting her eyes, wincing at the heartbreak and pain reflecting back at him, “You should put on the new clothes and then eat, detective.”

“Alright.” She muttered, pressing her hands against her face before standing, taking the bags from him. Just as she was walking away, he reached out, gripping her arm, making her face him.

He gave her a small smile, “You’re not alone in this and Mina’s going to be nagging you any day now.”

“That’s not working on me today.” She muttered.

His smile softened, “I’m here for you.” 

“Thank you, Jaehyun.” She breathed out, before ducking into the bathroom.

The first thing she did was peel the bandage back and wince at the sight. It was still red and tender, but the scar was still horrifying. Her face was still sore and moving her mouth too much, sent pain shooting up the side of her head.

It truly was grotesque. 

Tearing her gaze away from her reflection, she took her time to take off every piece of clothing on her that was caked in dried blood until she stood in her bra and underwear. She stared at herself, the exhaustion evident in every inch of her body. She grazed her fingers across the old bullet wound scar on her shoulder and the purpling bruise on her side from when Mina’s attacker kicked her. She looked down at her feet, old discoloration from her ballet days when she’d live and breath in pointe.

She was just made of bruises and scars.

“Hey, Jinah called, I’ve got your phone.” Jaehyun called from the other side of the door.

Not thinking, Ayeon swung the door open and stood in front of him in her plain bra and underwear. Jaehyun’s eyes widened, his breath catching in his throat before he dropped his eyes to the floor, holding her phone out. He was still trying to recover from her in that dress, he wasn’t ready for this. But she didn’t take it from him, instead, she reached a shaking hand out and gripped his arm.

“Look at me.” She whispered.

His chest rose in rapid beats before he slowly pulled his eyes up, locking strictly on her face, “You’re going to get cold.”

“I’m broken. I’m just…there’s no love on my body. It’s all just purple and blue.” Her voice cracking.

His opened his mouth but nothing came out as she stared at him challengingly. He finally moved down her face, his frown growing with every scar and every painful shade. He reached out, skimming his fingers against the bullet wound on her shoulder.

“This one is love for your teammate, who you took a bullet for to try and save him.” He muttered, as she watched his eyes, entranced.

His hand ran down her side and she took a sharp breath, her eyes fluttering, unsure if it was out of pain or something else, as he traced the tense purple patch under her ribs. Her stomach flinched at how warm the tips of his finger felt against her chilling skin.

“This one is love for that young woman who you vowed to protect because believe it or not, you love Mina. Sh-She’s like your little sister, like family, and you take family very seriously.” His voice was wavering, and she wondered if she royally fucked up, opening the door to him.

He stepped closer and her breath was shaky as he slid his foot, so it lined up next to hers, he had inadvertently brought their bodies as close to possible without touching. She was intoxicating in her proximity and he was certain that today would haunt his nightmares for a very long time.

“This one is for your love for dancing, love that was so strong that you put up with your father just to be able to do it.” He voice was so soft that it felt more like a caress.

He cupped the cheek that was covered up and met her gaze, “This one, is selfless. Ayeon, you are _made_ of love. I--”

_I love you._

“I hope you see that.” He whispered, scanning her eyes, swallowing his words that lodged in his throat.

He loved her.

He loved her.

 _Fuck._ When did that happen?

She gripped his wrist and hissed at herself in her head, embarrassed at how insecure and vulnerable she had become. But she just stared at him silently until the door to Mina’s room opened, she nearly tripped over her feet to slam the bathroom door close.

Pressing her hand against her chest, she let out a long breath that came out more like a gasp that she had suppressed for years before shaking her head and pulled the sweater and pants on. When she stepped out, the doctor nodded at her and Jaehyun before leaving.

She looked at Jaehyun curiously who just nodded at Mina, “He said they’re keeping her sedated for a little while longer so that she can be up on her feet without irritating her wound.”

She nodded and picked up her phone that he had left on the couch, “Oh god, I need to call Jinah or So--”

“I already did. I got them up to date and told them not to come but they’re worried about your injuries.” He said. “How are you doing?”

Ayeon held her head in her hands, “I just need her to wake up. Once she wakes up, I can breathe.”

She looked up and watched him use a plastic cup to pour water into the little potted plant that he had given Johnny to place in Mina’s room. “It’s going to be the first thing she sees.” He declared.

Hours had passed and only a few words were shared in the room, but the knot in Ayeon’s heart unwound a fraction. Constantly staring at Mina had allowed Ayeon to realize that the girl really was alive, breathing and recovering. It began to feel real. And every now and then, when she’d hear Jaehyun cough or shuffle behind her, she felt balanced, like her feet had finally found their footing and were rooted to the ground. 

When the sun began to set, Ayeon looked over at Jaehyun who was curled up on the, one size too small, couch with a book and caught his eyes drooping as they fought back fatigue.

“You should go to sleep at the hotel.” She whispered. “It’s late.”

“Are you staying?” He asked, glancing past his book and up at her.

She nodded and he shifted to get more comfortable, “Then so am I.”

“You’re going to pass out and get a stiff neck like that.” She muttered.

He sat up and set his book down, “Then I dare you to keep me awake.”

“How?” She stood, moving to take the seat on the couch next to him.

He shrugged with a smile, “Tell me something so shocking that I won’t be able to fall asleep.”

She fell silent, staring straight ahead, but this time, she stared past Mina’s body and at the wall. He held his breath, thinking he pushed her too far, that he misspoke until she took a deep breath. She kept her eyes trained on the small abandoned spiderweb that clung to the corner of the ceiling.

“How about two truths and a li—”

“My father was abusive.” 

He froze, as she chewed in the inside of her lip, staring at the web as if she was solving a math problem, “I’m still not used to saying that. It sounds…weird to me, but it’s true.” 

She finally moved to look at him, but he just stared back at her, silent. She continued to ramble while Jaehyun listened silently to her recounting the very same tale she shared in therapy, but it felt different with him. He wasn’t psychoanalyzing her, and he wasn’t trying to piece her life together and although she relied on Dr. Lee’s sessions, this was a different kind of catharsis.

“I just…I don’t know, maybe that’s why I have this savior complex, maybe that’s why everything hurts ten times more. You spend 16 years watching your mom living under someone’s thumb unable to save her or stand up to him, it just shakes your faith in yourself. I feel like I need to _prove_ that I can protect people, but I’ve failed over and over again. First my mom, then Soya, then Lucas and now Mina.”

She fisted the corner of her sweater, twisting it around her finger until it turned the tip blue, “I know…I know that this isn’t about me. I don’t know why I’m saying this now and I know that Mina getting hurt has nothing to do with me or my dad. I’m not the victim, here.”

“Except that you _were_ a victim, Ayeon.” His voice was thick. “At one point in your life, you were a victim of your father’s, and I don’t think you ever got a chance to understand that feeling before you were turned into a survivor.”

She felt her hands tremble so hard that she had to slip them under her thighs to stop them from shaking, “I became a cop to protect vulnerable people from people like my father.”

“Maybe this is bold of me to say and you might struggle to believe me…” He said squeezing his fingers, “But I sincerely think you’ve been doing a really good job so far.”

She turned to look at him and she knew he was right, she didn’t believe him at all, so she just stretched her body out, leaning her head on his thigh and stared at Mina. And he did not try to convince her of the truth behind his words nor did he try to force her to understand him, he just rubbed his hand over her arm over and over again until she fell asleep.

\-----

“I told you, you’d just end up hurting your neck.” Ayeon huffed when she caught Jaehyun massaging his neck the next morning.

He just grinned, not bringing up the fact that he would fall asleep sitting up for her any day of the week. “I’ll survive.”

She didn’t look pleased as she glanced at her phone, “News says that talks are still underway for the interim Commissioner or if they’re going to let the current one stay until the end of his run. A bunch of university students are planning on protesting.”

“Even if Mina is out of commission, there are people still carrying her torch until she’s up with her fists swinging.” He said.

“I’m going to go out.” She said, standing abruptly.

He blinked at her, surprised considering how adamant she was about staying with Mina, “Now? Where?”

“Her apartment. I want to see if there’s anything useful I can find.”

“Should you go alone?” He asked in concern.

She began collecting her things, “No, I’m going to go with Jinah, she's on her break. She doesn’t like being kept out of the loop, anyways.”

“I’ll stay with Mina.” He offered.

“Thank you so much. I’ll bring you some clothes and things back.” She paused and stepped close to him, “Thank you.”

\-----

Jinah was silent the entire drive to Mina’s apartment. She was probably bottling up a lecture about safety and Ayeon was glad that she was putting it off. There was only one thing she spoke out loud.

“Are you okay?”

Ayeon stared at her, long and uncertain, prepared to lie and say that she was fine, that she was just a little bruised up, but when she opened her mouth, all that came out was, “No.”

Jinah fell silent as they pulled up to Mina’s apartment before she just nodded, “Okay.”

\-----

They climbed up the barren stairs to her floor and now that she wasn’t lugging Mina’s tired body with her, she could really see how small and run down her place was.

“I thought she lived somewhere nicer.”Jinah said, waving away flies.

Ayeon hummed, “She had to downgrade once she quit the paper.” She glanced at Jinah who seemed surprised, “I know you don’t really trust her, and you think I’m insane for partnering up with her, but she’s not like what we first thought. She’s a lot like me.”

Jinah stayed silent keeping her reservations to herself as they pushed open Mina’s apartment door and walked into the site of a hurricane disaster. Her eyes widened as she took in the pieces of paper thrown around the room, the desk lamp knocked over, plates shattered against the floor, furniture pushed upside down.

It was a wreck. 

“Holy fuck.” Jinah muttered as she sidestepped some of the mess.

Ayeon was speechless as she tried to make sense of the chaos around her before her eyes fell to Mina’s room. She nudged the door open with her foot and peeked inside.

“That’s weird.” She murmured, scanning the room.

Jinah made a face, “Yeah, clearly, I assume her place doesn’t always look like this.”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I’ve been here before and her room had an entire wall covered with pictures and notes about the Commissioner. It’s all gone now.”

“Whoever broke in must’ve taken it. Shit, they probably know everything Mina knew.”

Ayeon frowned, “Yeah but, it would’ve been so easy to pull everything down off her wall and leave undetected. No one would’ve known what used to be on that wall, no one would think anyone was here since there was no forced entry but because they ransacked the entire place, obviously it would raise red flags.”

“So, why bother drawing attention…”Jinah said.

“Because they were looking for something, something that wasn’t on that wall.” Ayeon muttered, her eyes wide as she scanned the place.

“Where’s Mina’s laptop? She had one, right?” Jinah asked, kicking aside the mess.

Ayeon helped her shift through Mina’s belongings, her laptop nowhere to be seen. Jinah grunted, “There’s nothing here. It’s gone. Fuck. All of Mina’s research is gone.”

“Okay, okay, wait. Mina is a journalist working on a high-profile case with sensitive, confidential information. There’s no way she’d leave everything on her laptop the day after her story went live.” Ayeon paced around the room, “She texted me saying that she had to run errands and do more research. She has to have something else hidden away.”

Jinah threw her arms open, “Well unless we know what exactly she hid and where she hid it, we have nothing on who attacked and what they were after.”

“I know…”

“Go back to the hospital. Right now, there’s nothing more we can do.” Jinah said, disappointment on her face.

“It’s just—”

“Look, I’ll keep my eye out for anything, and I’ll do my own digging, but all you can do is wait for when she wakes up and see if she remembers anything that can help.”

\-----

Ayeon had barely got Jaehyun caught up to speed when the hospital room door swung open.

“You guys need to go back.”

Ayeon was stunned, “Soya? What are you doing here?”

“I’m not an idiot. There’s like two hospitals in this vicinity.” Soya muttered while heaving a giant overnight bag with her.

Jaehyun went to help her carry it in, “What’s going on?”

“Jinah is worried that people might notice that Jaehyun’s shop has been closed meaning Ayeon’s unaccounted for, especially after Mina’s place has been ransacked. You need to make a show of being back at Maison or else people will start talking. I was _volun-told_ to be here in your place.” Soya tied her hair up and propped her hands on her hips. "So, you guys go home and go to work in the morning, I'll be here until you come back for night duty."

Ayeon felt panic encroach, “Wait, I don’t want to leave, I need to be here fo—”

“You can’t. As much as I’d like to spend my nights with my girlfriend and not in a hospital, I know she’s right. You have to act like it is business as usual. Vanishing for days is not business as usual. You know this.” Soya said, sitting down next to Mina. “Fuck, she’s had better days.”

“Okay, well, even if you do stay here instead, it might be dangerous and it's family only.” Ayeon pointed up, defiantly.

"You're not her family but you're here and anyways, I have special privileges as her lawyer." Soya snorted, “ And you think I don’t know people who know people who can keep me safe? Honey, I’m a prosecuting attorney, I piss off murderers for a living.”

“Yeah but…” Ayeon’s voice trailed as she searched for an argument and it frustrated her that she couldn’t think of one. She was right, people would notice her missing and Jaehyun’s store closing while Soya wouldn’t raise suspicion for being out of reach. But she didn’t want to leave.

She had to be here to make sure nothing happened to Mina.

“I could stay back if it helps.” Jaehyun offered, “You could just use my key to stay at the shop.”

 _No._ She wanted to blurt.

She didn’t want him away from her, in another city, out of arms length. Soya must’ve seen the disapproval in her face as she stepped in, “No, you both need to go. You can come by after work but otherwise, you need to act like everything’s normal to your _fellow officers_.”

Jaehyun looked at Ayeon, waiting to see what she wanted before she sighed, standing, “I want updates with pictures every hour.”

Soya rolled her eyes dramatically, “Ugh, but fine.”

“Okay.” Ayeon said softly, rocking on her heels. She inched closer to Mina, reaching out to pet her the back of her hand. It was warm, she was alive. That was the reassurance she needed.

Soya tapped Jaehyun on the shoulder and pointed at Ayeon, _“Stay with her. Look after her.”_ She mouthed and he nodded, patting her gently on the back.

“I’m coming back tomorrow night.” Ayeon said loudly.

Soya nodded, “God please do, it’ll be the only chance I’ll have to go back home. Just…go get some proper rest in a real bed. Everything will be okay.”

“I’ve heard that a lot lately.” She muttered.

Soya looked determined as her eyes ran up and down the bandage on Ayeon’s face, “Well this time, it’s true.”

\-----

“Drink it.” Jaehyun said firmly, setting a cup of tea down in front of her. After more pushing, they finally left the hospital and retired back at Jaehyun’s apartment.

She chewed on her lip before taking a sip, the heat running through her body. She sighed, “I’m going to make _someone_ pay for what they did to Mina.”

“I know you will.” He said, leaning with his arms crossed against the counter.

She set the mug down and held her chin up, “I was sad for a few days but I’m going to destroy some people.”

He grinned and moved to sit next to her by the kitchen island, “You’ll make them wish they were never born.”

She slammed her palm down against the counter, “You better fucking believe it.”

Jaehyun pressed his fist against her back, gently running his knuckles down her spine like he wanted to understand every vertebrae and muscle that made her up so that he could figure out just what it took to unravel her the day that she decided she wanted to come undone.

“I like you when you’re happy, when you’re sad and when you’re scared but wow, you’re something else when your mad.” He said with a snort, but his eyes were fired up with something captivating.

She also managed a peal of choked laughter, one hand holding the teacup and the other reaching for his hand, lacing their fingers together because _lord_ whenever he touches her it’s like her mind wipes clear and for a second, she remembers who she is despite who her father made her.

She remembers that she is not a woman who sits around to grieve and mope, she is a woman who fights back, who champions justice and who never, _ever_ backs down.

She is a fucking warrior.

\-----

“I brought din…ner…oh.”

Jaehyun and Ayeon looked up from their position at the counter, slowly releasing their entwined fingers and stood, staring at Taeyong who looked adorably embarrassed. “Sorry, I heard about your friend, I thought you could use some cheering up.”

“Maybe another time, Tae.” Jaehyun said softly.

Ayeon shook her head with a smile, “Actually, some noise would be good right now. I’d welcome any distraction.”

Taeyong cut them both a glare, “I’m not noisy and I’m more than a distraction.”

Jaehyun looked over at Ayeon who seemed genuinely relieved to see Taeyong. Maybe Taeyong’s relentlessly sunny disposition is what she needed the most right now. Someone who cracked jokes that you couldn’t help laughing at, someone who never ran out of things to say.

Maybe that’s what they both needed.

“Just get in here, man.” Jaehyun said with a smile.

\-----

“All I’m saying is that would it kill you to pick up your phone every now and then?” Taeyong grumbled, poking his chopsticks into the carton of takeout.

Ayeon had tuned out of the conversation a while ago, sinking in the comfort of whatever banter bounced between Taeyong and Jaehyun. She liked this, the warm lighting, the friendship, it was a protective cocoon that allowed her to relieve the weight on her shoulders, even for a few hours. Mina would always be ringing in the back of her mind but being in this setting gave her mind and body a chance to recharge.

“They won’t leave me alone. It’s starting to get on my nerves.”

Her head snapped up in their direction, finally catching up with their conversation, her face taunt, “Why? Is someone bothering you?”

They both glanced up at her, confused but Taeyong was the first to turn to look away with a smirk. He knew, truly and honestly, that if Jaehyun lied and said yes, Ayeon would tense up and abruptly leave for hours only coming back when she had the culprit in cuffs. She was zoned out the entire time they were speaking but the minute it sounded like Jaehyun was in distress, she looked like she would fight an army.

God, he loved her on behalf of his best friend.

Jaehyun blinked at her, “What? No. We’re talking about my friends you met at the restaurant. They’re just bothering me to hang out more.”

“Oh.” She let out a long breath, pulling a smile out of him.

“Why? Were you going to protect me?”

Her face was dead serious, eyes still, “Yes. Again, and again, and again until the universe runs out of things to hurt you with.”

Jaehyun just stared, his hand frozen over the rice, his breath short and the longing almost physically painful. She had this way about her, that annihilated him every time she spoke. Ayeon simply turned to Taeyong, “Do you have any more of the broccoli?”

“Uh…uh, yeah. Here.” He muttered, reeling in awe.

He watched her spoon food onto her plate before his eyes slid over to Jaehyun whose back was now turned. _Interesting_.

He looked back at Ayeon watching her push her food around in thought, it seemed so unlike all the other times he had met her. It fully started to sink in that whatever the two of them had gone through with their friend in the hospital, it had screwed them both up, heavily.

“Hey is your face going to be okay?” He asked, pointing to her covered cheek.

She brushed it with her fingers, wincing. “Yeah, it’s hurting less. The cut was pretty deep but nothing unfixable.”

“Will it…will it scar?” He asked softly, concern flickering in his eyes.

She took a deep breath, focusing on her plate, “The doctors think so.”

_At least your mother had her beauty, what do you have?_

“Don’t get mad at me.” Taeyong prefaced as he leaned close, “But a scar would be so fucking hot on you, right now.”

The tips of her ears burned red at the unexpected compliment as she shoved him away, with a ghost of a smile, “You’re the worst.”

He grinned devilishly and it was one of the things that made her ask him to stay, he never dwelled on a heavy subject for too long. He looked over at Jaehyun who had fallen suspiciously silent ever since he and Ayeon started talking on their own. An evil smile worked its way up Taeyong’s face.

“I’ve just had a stroke of genius.”

Ayeon quirked her brow at his conspiratorial tone, “Please share.”

“I’m gonna do what I do best.” He whispered with a grin.

“And what do you do best, Lee Taeyong?” She snorted.

“Pissing off Jaehyun. Hey Jaehyun!” He called.

Jaehyun didn’t turn, “Hmm?”

“I know she’s your friend and all, but do you mind if I ask out Ayeon on a date?”

Ayeon’s jaw dropped and she swung her leg out to kick Taeyong who was grinning while dodging her attack. Her eyes darted to Jaehyun who seemed to have stopped moving by the sink. The two of them waited until he picked up the plate next to him, “Sure.”

Her heart did something then, something that hurt.

He walked over to them and set the bowl of rice down in front of Taeyong, making sure it hit the table with a heavy _thud_ , “But you wouldn’t last.”

He looked up at her and felt her body go limp, latching onto his heated gaze like it was the lock that her key fit so, so perfectly. _Fuck_. He messed her up good.

Neither of them spoke the truth out loud, maybe because they didn’t know it yet: Jaehyun would last. He could last a lifetime.

\-----

She didn’t know what time it was when her phone rang against her ear, but she knew that she wanted to be asleep. Regardless of what she wanted, she answered the call, groaning as she rubbed the bleariness out of her eyes.

“Hello?”

“You need to get over here, Mina’s awake.”


	26. primroses

“Mina!”

Ayeon’s scream came down the hallway before she entered the room and Mina winced, glancing nervously at Soya who hid her smirk behind her laptop. Ayeon flung the doors open and slid into the room, nearly toppling over with Jaehyun hot on her heels.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.” She rushed to Mina’s side, pressing the girl’s head against her chest, squeezing her head tight. “I’m so, so happy. You’re okay.”

“Help.” Mina’s voice muffled against Ayeon’s jacket as she looked to Jaehyun pleadingly but he looked just as relieved as Ayeon.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Ayeon chanted, rocking Mina side to side. "I was so worried. I thought...god, I'm just so fucking grateful you're okay."

Mina weakly patted her on the shoulder, “I can’t really breathe.”

Ayeon reluctantly pulled away, gently brushing her hair out of her face, “Sorry, I’m…Mina I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, I can breathe now.” Mina snorted, wincing as she sat up.

Ayeon cupped Mina’s cheeks, her eyes watery, “No, I’m so sorry I left you waiting. I’m sorry I forgot to meet you in that alley. I’m sorry that you were there in the first place, I should’ve just told you to come to the flow—”

“You showed up.”

Ayeon frowned at her in confusion, “No, I mis—”

“You showed up. I’m alive because you showed up.”

Ayeon’s lips parted, in shock, “Mina…”

“You _always_ show up when I need you.”

Oh god, she was going to full on cry.

“Thank you for the flowers, by the way.” Mina chirped, beaming at Jaehyun.

He moved closer to Ayeon, his shoulder brushing hers, “I knew you’d like them.”

“But Mina…” Ayeon’s tone shifted to the same one she used when she needed answers, “Can you remember what happened? Who did this to you?”

Mina chewed her lip nervously, “I-I can’t remember.”

“Wait what?” Ayeon breathed out.

Soya cleared her throat, drawing eyes to her, “I spent all morning with her, I tried every trigger technique I know, and she couldn’t remember a thing after walking to the alley. The doctor said that the trauma and stress may have been the cause on top of the head injury.”

Ayeon clenched her jaw, resisting the urge to kick the garbage can clear across the room, “Mina, you’re apartment has been ransacked.”

Her eyes widened, “What?!”

“The wall in your bedroom? Everything was ripped off. And your living room and kitchen have been tossed.”

“Did… _he_ do it?”

She nodded, “I think so. Your laptop is missing too but Mina, your laptop and the wall in your room weren’t exactly hidden from plain sight. Do you know anything someone would bother looking through your belongings for?”

“Well, my laptop had my articles and research but the list of names of the transferred officers? Yeah, I kept that on a USB in a safety deposit box at my bank.”

Jaehyun snorted and Soya scoffed, “That’s brilliant.”

Mina shrugged nonchalantly, “I’m a professional, what can I say?”

“Why would anyone want that list? The names have been revealed already.” Ayeon muttered.

Jaehyun tilted his head, “No, the last names were, Mina censored their first names. They must be looking for the entire list.”

“Which means someone on that list either attacked Mina and Ayeon or hired someone to.” Soya breathed out, stunned.

Ayeon’s mind raced as she pieced it together, “Okay, we need to get that list and review each name.”

Mina winced, pressing her hand to her side. Ayeon reached out, grazing her arm, “Not now, you need to focus on recovering. I’ll call Johnny and have him come by and you’ll stay at my place when you’re released.”

“Johnny?” Soya asked, pulling Ayeon’s attention away from Mina before she could notice the girl’s raging blush.

Ayeon waved her hand dismissively, “It’s a long story, but he’s been acting as Mina’s personal security guard lately. We’ll get the USB after, okay Mina?”

Soya nodded slowly, casting a glance at Jaehyun whose face was impassive. Mina nodded before she took a sharp breath, “Actually, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Ayeon raised her brow, her eyes narrowing when she saw Mina shift in her spot, “Remember that night at the bar when I went to meet that guy who used to work at your precinct?”

“Yeah. Hard to forget.” Ayeon deadpanned.

Mina took a deep breath, “He said _I helped cover up a murder_ when we were talking _._ When I asked who he was covering for, he said I had to give him more to get that information and that’s when you came in.”

“What the fuck?” Soya hissed, standing from her seat.

Mina shook her head, “Keep in mind that he was really drunk and trying to get into my pants, but that’s what he told me.”

“What was his name?” Jaehyun asked.

Mina squeezed her eyes for a moment, conjuring it up in her mind, “Lee Kyung-Gyu. He was on that list, too.”

“Okay, we’ll look into him, Mina. I know this is all a lot, but…right now just put it out of your mind.”

Jaehyun nodded, “And while you were out, university students have protested, and the mayor is looking to select an Interim Commissioner. You’ve made waves.”

Soya shook her head, muttering frustrated curse words directly specifically to the men in blue, “Well, I’ve had a long night and desperately need to sleep before I can properly get mad at this entire situation. I’m leaving. It’s nice to see you alive, Mina.”

Mina made a face as Soya gathered her things and left, “She doesn’t like me, much.”

Jaehyun bit back a laugh, “Yeah, she tends to get mad on behalf of Jinah. She’ll warm up to you.”

Ayeon took a breath, gathering her thoughts before stepping back, “I’m going to track a doctor down. I’ll be right back.”

Mina waited exactly one second after Ayeon left before turning to Jaehyun, “So, what did I miss? Are you two a thing now or?”

\-----

Conversations between Mina and Jaehyun hit a comfortable pace after he rolled her eyes at her bold question. It was a rare occasion that they were left alone to speak with each other but catching her up on the days she missed created something to speak about.

“What…happened to her face?” Mina asked quietly after their conversation started to slow.

Ayeon walked into the room just as Mina asked the question and stood by the door, blinking. She stared at Mina who was fiddling with her hands. None of them seemed to have noticed her entering the room with Mina’s gazed on her hands and Jaehyun’s back turned to her.

“She got cut by the guy who attacked you.” Jaehyun said while pouring water into the small potted plant.

Mina sat up, eyes wide, “By a knife? Jaehyun! Is she okay?”

“She is. It’s healing, I think it stopped hurting as much but she has to look after the wound for a while.”

“It’s gonna scar, isn’t it? Shit. I can’t believe she’s going to have a giant scar on her face because of my dumbass. At least I can hide my wounds under my shirt.” Mina muttered to herself.

He felt an aggressive burst of attraction flow up and down his body at the thought of Ayeon before lifting his head, “Doesn’t matter. She’d still be the most beautiful woman in the room.”

Ayeon froze and Mina’s jaw dropped, “Excuse me, I’m in the room. Are you saying she’s prettier than me?”

Jaehyun grinned at her fake pout and turned, stilling when he caught Ayeon by the door, “Detective…”

“Uh…hi, yeah, the doctors want to keep you for one night and then you’re okay to go back home.”

Mina glanced at Jaehyun who fell silent, just watching Ayeon who looked restless.

“Okay.” Mina squeaked out, sweating under their gazes.

Ayeon looked away from his unashamed stare, feeling far too engulfed with whatever emotion was taking over. Why was he so good at dismembering her like that? She cleared her throat and moved to stand on the other side of Mina’s bed, trapping her between the two of them.

“Are you okay?” Ayeon asked, brushing Mina’s hair out of her face.

She darted her gaze to Jaehyun who was staring at Ayeon with nothing short of _love._ Clearly, she had missed a lot since the attack, “Currently, I wish I could roll out of this room.”

\-----

Jaehyun stood by the door to the seniors’ home, rocking on his heels. What he would give to hold Ayeon’s hand right now nearly had him keeling over. He hadn’t been here in years. His father was the easiest, he was the one who could face his son without looking pained with traumatic memories.

When a nurse led him to the space where his father sat, staring at a chess board with laser focus, the familiarity eased his nerves.

“Playing against yourself? That’s just sad.”

His father looked up from over his glasses, a smile growing as he took in his son, “No one else is a good enough opponent.”

“Mind if I try?”

His father gestured to the seat across from him which Jaehyun took while scanning the board. His father adjusted his glasses. “You’ve grown a lot. You look good, son.”

“I’m sorry I took so long to come and see you.” Jaehyun admitted, his heart racing.

His father shook his head, “Well, it’s not like me or your mother made it easier on you. How is she, anyway?”

Jaehyun moved his bishop, “I’m not entirely sure. I get calls from her nursing home just to get updates, but I haven’t gone to see her yet. She’s healthy though, happy I think.”

“That’s good.” His father said with a small smile, moving a crook, “I keep losing the nerve to go see her myself. I guess we’re on the same boat.”

Jaehyun stared at his father's smile, before Haerin was killed, his parents were almost embarrassingly in love. They were affectionate, doting, romantic, they were everything Jaehyun had hoped he could find. But with Haerin gone, it felt like there was no moving on, there was no going back to how things were before because that would mean they would be living their lives as if Haerin was still alive, and that was too painful for anyone to be able to fake. So instead, they chose to sacrifice their marriage, knowing that the loving days couldn't come back without being accompanied by the reminders of pain and loss and the betrayal of smiling without Hae.

“How did you know you loved mom?” Jaehyun blurted

His father looked up from the board, blinking before letting out a chuckle, “Wow, right out the gate, huh? You were always a straight shooter.”

His father tilted his head back, deep in thought as he dug through folders and folders of memories, “I didn’t have an epiphany one night. It wasn’t a dramatic revelation where I had a long internal monologue coming to terms with the fact that I loved her. I knew I loved her from the little things I did when I was with her. My thoughts revolved around her, I missed her when I had just dropped her off at her house. Or whenever I was going through something or making tough decisions, I could hear her reasoning in the back of my mind. When I told your mother, I loved her for the first time, it wasn’t dramatic or on a special occasion. I just said it aloud one day when we were in the library together.”

“Did you know if she loved you back?”

He smiled, “No, not for certain. But I knew your mother, she didn’t like wasting her time on things she didn’t love, I figured that if she kept me around for that long, there was a chance she loved me back.”

“And did she?”

“You bet your ass she did.” He said with a jovial laugh. His smile quickly faded as he stared at his son, “Are you…seeing someone? Someone you might love?”

Jaehyun stared at the board, moving one of the pieces after careful consideration, “No, I’m not seeing anyone.”

“But you love someone?”

He smiled wryly, “Someone with a complicated relationship with love.”

His father let out a stunned breath, “You hadn’t been with anyone since…”

Talking about Haerin was still something none of them dared to do.

“How do you know that?” Jaehyun asked.

“That friend of yours, with the restaurant, comes around with food for the entire home once a month. He keeps me updated, sometimes with too many details.”

Jaehyun hid his smile, Taeyong never mentioned doing that. “I see.”

His father touched a piece before picking a different one and moving it across the board, “She must be impressive.”

“She is.”

“What does she do?”

Jaehyun froze, clutching the piece in his hand. This was the best conversation with his dad that he’d had in years if he told him that Ayeon was a cop, he wasn’t sure he’d ever get it back. “It doesn’t matter, dad. I’m not dating her.”

“Just because she has a complicated relationship with love doesn’t mean she isn’t capable of feeling it. It’ll just take her some time.” His father said, moving a piece, “Oh and checkmate.”

\-----

Ayeon was starting to notice that she missed Jaehyun at odd hours and for odd reasons. She was cleaning her house, a nice thick layer of dust had settled on everything after spending too many days away.

It was in the silence of running around with a broom that she missed him. He would’ve been singing or talking if he were here. Frustrated, Ayeon turned on some music, trying to fill the room with something other than her thoughts, silence, and Jaehyun. Her music was so loud that she nearly missed the sound of someone knocking on her door.

Turning off the music, she went to the door and her breath immediately caught, her body flinched in on itself as shivers scattered up and down her veins.

It was like he read her mind.

Jaehyun had his hair pushed up off his head and tucked into a baseball hat, he wore a long sleeve shirt and grey sweatpants and he just looked so _boyish_ and it seemed an outdated word to use but she was at a loss otherwise. He sent her back to high school when she was more flippant with her emotions and would let butterflies loose in her heart when the upperclassman who caught her eye would glance her way, ogling the way his uniform hung off his frame. But the lanky adolescent that she was once enamored with in grade school couldn’t hold a flame to the man standing in front of her with a disarming smile and broad shoulders.

He quite possibly might be the most breathtaking man that entered her orbit.

_Oh god._

He grinned and held out a small potted plant, “A succulent for your embarrassingly plant-barren apartment. It’s low maintenance, just gotta water every few weeks.”

She snapped out of her daze and took the cold pot from him, inviting him in. She wasn’t too used to seeing him in her space, she had spent more time invading his. He moved around her place cautiously, getting accustomed to where her furniture sat and how her place was decorated.

“You’ve been here like once and you were severely beat up, yet you managed to notice how I have no plants.” She grumbled while gently placing the pant by a window.

He smiled and it knocked her off her feet, “It’s second nature. When your life is constantly surrounded by plants, you’re quick to notice when it’s not.”

She shook her head in mild amusement as he met her on the side of the kitchen island. It seemed that for two people who bonded over dinners and flowers, they often found themselves here.

“I have an embarrassing question…” She started after a long pause. It was more of a _humiliating-I-want-the-earth-to-swallow-me-whole_ type of question, but it was one that plagued her mind all day.

He grinned, “Shoot.”

She took a long deep breath, “When you said that you thought I’d be the most beautiful woman in the room at the hospital…why did you say that?”

“Well I—”

“Why did you lie?”

“I didn’t lie.” He fired back.

She gave him a sad smile, “Remember when talking to each other was so hard that we would revert to playing two truths and a lie? You said _One: I have a sister. Two: Triple is my first pet. Three: I think you are the most beautiful woman alive_ _._ Number three was the lie. _”_

“You remembered that?” He asked, incredulous.

She just shrugged in reply. Jaehyun stared at her, eyes darting across her face before he reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet. She watched silently as he opened it and shoved his fingers deep down before pulling out something folded and creased. He placed it gingerly on the table, sliding it over to her.

Frowning in confusion, she took the small card and opened it up, her eyes widening at the faded family picture. “What is this?”

“My dad took it when we first moved into our new house. I think I was like 15? Haerin was a few years younger than me.”

She just stared over each of their faces, in awe of how she could see his jaw on his father and his eyes and dimples on his mother.

“Notice anything?” He mused, a glint in his eye, “Specifically in my hands?”

She squinted, holding the picture up to her face, where little teenage Jaehyun hugged something to his chest, “Is that…”

“A fishbowl. I named him Aquaman, a corny decision on my part.”

She looked up at him, stunned, but he only met her face with a grin, tapping the back of the picture, “ _He_ was my first pet, not Triple.”

“Oh, so you…”

“Meant what I said, detective.”

Her heart was a wreck in her chest, running so fast that she felt winded from just sitting down. She cleared her throat, unsure what she had to do with that information now. “Right.” She licked her lips before handing the photo back to him.

“Why did you think I was lying?”

She opened her mouth, glad that her hair was down, covering the red blush on her ears, “I don’t know.”

Something in his eyes changed and he moved slowly and purposely around the counter until he was deviously in her space, crowding her in a way that she didn’t hate as she took nervous steps away, “I think you know.”

“I don’t.”

His hands caged her in as he braced his arms against the island that he had her up against, “I think _you’re_ the one lying, now.”

He was _so_ close.

He didn’t know what he was doing, what he wanted to achieve or where he planned on going with this, but he _swore_ she looked bashful and she was so wonderful when her eyes shimmered that way. It gripped him by the throat and all he wanted was to be near her. He tore up images of her mouth on his, her fingers in his hair, and his hands on her body and threw them aside, no matter how tempting. 

For now, he could live with the nearness.

She nearly gasped when she felt his breath against her cheek and something deep inside of her curled up, in mouth-watering pleasure. “I’m not.”

“Detective.” He mumbled and she could feel the deep hum that went down his throat and wondered what it would feel like running down her body.

It was unsettling how her vision seemed to blur and soften harsh lines without him even touching her. It pulled something raw and foreign out of her that had her eyes burning, “You work with the most beautiful flowers in the world, flawless even. How could you think I was beautiful in comparison?”

His eyes widened, caught off-guard by her response and he took a step back, making her fight off a shiver. His tone sounded nearly offended, “I have had flowers pass through my hands that have had creased petals, been broken at the base, some even falling apart, but they’re still flowers. And flowers by nature are beautiful, people are the same way, regardless of the state they come in.”

She gave him a terse smile, “But you don’t sell those flowers.”

He stared at her for a long time, drinking in the scar down her face, “No, I don’t.”

She nodded and turned her back to him, fiddling with her kitchen counter until she heard him from behind her, clear as day.

“I tend to keep those flowers for myself, detective.”

\-----

“I never pegged you for a…plant person.” Soya said later that day when both she and Jinah came up to Ayeon’s apartment, wine in hand.

Jinah crouched down next to Soya, staring at the small pot placed on her windowsill, “Is it…fake?”

“You guys are annoying.” Ayeon snorted as she poured herself a glass of crisp white. “And _no,_ it’s not fake. It’s a succulent.”

Soya made a face and looked at her, “A succulent? What the fu—oh my god, Jaehyun gave it to you, didn’t he?”

Ayeon made a sound before turning away, taking a deep sip from her glass. She was doing her best not to remember what it was like having Jaehyun within lip’s reach and not doing anything about it. And she _really_ was doing her best trying to relive every moment from the last few days where he stood by her side, held her hand when she needed it and looked out for her when she was too distracted to do it herself.

She tried not to dwell on the fact that she wouldn’t dare seek comfort in anyone that wasn’t him.

Jinah tilted her head, touching the waxy exterior of the plant before moving to Ayeon’s couch, keeping her eyes trained on the girl she knew almost too well. Soya had the same look as she curled up next to Jinah, a glass in both their hands.

“So, how are you two getting along? You’ve spent a lot of time with him recently, like more than usual, right?”

She shrugged, “It’s been good. He’s helpful.” She sighed, she wanted to be more open with them and if she kept brushing them off, nothing was going to change. “He…He made this entire Mina thing much more survivable. It was nice not being alone without ever having to ask him to stay. It was nice having someone’s…hand to hold. Someone who knew what I needed.”

It took every ounce in the two women to not gape at their friend who suddenly felt so inclined to share after doing everything in her power not to.

“That is nice. I know what that’s like.” Soya said softly, “When…When he attacked me, having Jinah want to protect me at all costs, wanting to come over so that I didn’t lose my hair jumping at every sound alone at my apartment, I felt like I could breathe for the first time.”

Jinah’s eyes melted as she reached for Soya’s hand. Ayeon smiled at the two of them before shaking her head, staring at the frost on her glass, her voice so soft that it could be made of clouds, “Yeah, that’s what it feels like.”

“You’re attracted to him.”

Ayeon eyes shot up to Jinah who looked equally as shocked at the words that came out of her own mouth. Ayeon laughed incredulously, her tone taking a higher pitch, “I am not. What are you talking about?”

Jinah shook her head as Soya watched in silence, “There’s nothing wrong with you being attracted to someone. It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t change who you are or rid you of your power. It just means…you find someone attractive.”

She rubbed her face, “This is insane. What is wrong with everyone?”

Soya shrugged, interested in this new line of questioning, “Well…do you think he’s handsome?”

Ayeon opened her mouth but nothing came out. Of course, she thought he was handsome. Anyone with eyes would think so. She was sure that her two lesbian friends could admit it. “He’s objectively handsome, sure.”

Soya rolled her eyes, tilting the glass up to her lips. Jinah had half a smile and just stared at Ayeon silently for a few seconds before setting her glass of wine down and leaned forward, “Okay, when you see him, is it like your entire body is just echoing? Like your brain suddenly slows down and your breathing gets loud in your ears? Like the most basic thing, like a smile or a laugh, sends a vibration through you?”

Ayeon’s face twisted, “What’s your point?”

Jinah’s smile grew a little more, “Is it like staring at him feels wrong but you don’t stop?”

“What’s your point?” She hissed out again, agitated.

Jinah leaned back against the couch and shrugged, “Usually, feeling any of those means you’re attracted to someone. I would know. It’s how I felt when I met Soya.”

Soya locked eyes with Jinah and a warm smile broke out as she leaned her head against her shoulder. She turned to look at Ayeon, “Maybe it’s just sexual tension. Maybe you two just need to fuck.”

“Oh my god.” Jinah and Ayeon groaned in unison.

“Please spare me, those are two of my best friends.” Jinah muttered.

Ayeon rubbed her eyes, Soya always knew the ways to tire her out, “He’s not just a one-night stand.”

Jinah and Soya stilled, their breaths catching at Ayeon’s slip of the tongue. They didn’t move a muscle, fearing that Ayeon would realize what she said and try to backpedal. She could’ve sneered in disgust or say that they were acting childish, something she’d normally do.

 _“He’s not just a one-night stand”_ were very deliberate words from a woman who dabbled only in one-night dalliances. It meant that one night wasn’t enough, that sneaking out before they woke up didn’t fully satisfy.

It meant that you wanted one night to follow with many, many mornings. 

\-----

Jinah, Soya and Ayeon stood at the back of the crowd, their backs against the wall watching the Mayor walk onto the stage with members of the Commissioner’s Office standing behind him as he addressed the press.

“Here we go.” Jinah breathed out nervously as he began to speak.

“Due to recent developments regarding the actions of the Commissioner, I have taken painstaking measures to vet the candidates that will step in as interim Commissioner until a full and thorough investigation can be completed. I ensure you that transparency and accountability is a large driving force behind the decision I’ve made to re-enforce the duty that I have towards making the people of this city feel safe. In doing so, I am proud to announce the new interim Commissioner Kim Byung-Ho.”

“Wow.” Soya muttered as they joined in the applause, “Your girl really pulled this off, Ayeon.”

Jinah shook her head, “I never thought I’d ever work for a Commissioner whose views on the force I can actually agree with.”

Ayeon held back her smile, she knew that they had a lot of work ahead of them, especially looking into who attacked Mina and she had been slacking on looking into Haerin’s case but for a moment, she allowed herself to feel victorious.

Change was finally coming.


	27. ambrosias

“Hi, I'm Detective Yoo Jinah, I’m calling from the 32nd Precinct and I’m looking for an Officer Lee Kyung Gyu.”

Ayeon tapped her foot against the floor, nervously chewing on her nail as she pressed the phone against her ear. She could hear the administrative assistant typing before she replied, “He was transferred a few days ago.”

Ayeon frowned, “What? Why?”

The woman on the other end cleared her throat, “It was an unexcused transfer.”

“A few days before the Commissioner was under investigation?” Ayeon bit out, her anger bubbling.

“If that’s all, I—”

Her tone intensified, “What precinct was he moved to?”

The woman hummed, “That information is classified.” 

“Are you kidding?” She scoffed.

“No, ma’am. Until the investigation of the Commissioner is completed, all of his previous orders are still in effect.”

Ayeon slammed her phone down, anger bubbling. The one lead that she had, and he could be anywhere in the country. What was the point of appointing an Interim Commissioner when he wasn’t allowed to do anything until the investigation was over?

All that work and she was still facing the same obstacles. No one covers up a murder voluntarily and if she couldn’t get her hands on this cop, she might never know what this man was involved in and what connection he had to the Commissioner. Because the truth was, even with Mina’s USB, it might be impossible tracking down transferred officers.

Huffing, Ayeon rubbed her eyes, “I need a drink.”

\-----

“You’re going on a date.”

This, of course, was not how she wished her relaxed evening was going to go when Jinah and Soya burst into her apartment to “drop Mina off”, which really turned into all three of them getting far too comfortable in her living room.

Ayeon smacked her lips, the wine tart and her sarcasm sharp, “What were those words that just came out of your mouth? I can’t make sense of them.” 

Soya rolled her eyes, “I’m serious.”

“I had a shit day at work and just came for the Chardonnay.” Ayeon grumbled. 

“We’ve already discussed this in detail.” Mina piped up.

Jinah snorted from the couch, working away on her laptop, “I had zero input on this.”

“This is _my_ home, by the way.” Ayeon muttered, taking another swig. “And I’m glad that this topic is opened to the gallery.”

Soya ignored her, “I’m serious. Mina’s fine, evil is vanquished, and you need to put yourself out there.”

“The evil isn’t entirely vanquished, by the way. Delco is still out there, not held accountable for Lucas’s life, Haerin’s murder is still unsolved and we have no way to track down Mina’s sources and I'm still waiting on the CCTV footage of her attack.”

“Aren’t you two going to the bank tomorrow for the USB? You can do more digging tomorrow during work hours.” Soya retorted. “And you’re still working on Haerin and Lucas’s case is still ongoing. Are you going to solve all of these on your own tonight?”

Ayeon grit her teeth, “I need a refill.”

Jinah grabbed the bottle, hiding it behind the couch. “Maybe…they’re not wrong.”

Ayeon gave her an absurd look, “Excuse me? _You_ think this is a good idea?”

“Well, you haven’t ever dated before. Why not…I don’t know, try it out? What’s the harm? Try and see if you like it? All those things you’re working on will still be waiting for you in the morning. Plus Soya has great taste in men.” She mused.

Mina chewed on her lip as she watched the back and forth, “Ayeon, if you don’t want to do this, that’s okay.”

Soya looked betrayed but Mina wasn’t finished, “But, like, are you just never going to date? There’s always going to be another case, another crime and another reason why you can’t date.”

“No, not never, just…not now.” Ayeon mumbled against her glass.

Jinah narrowed her eyes, “Why not now?”

“I—I don’t know.” She pouted. “It’s easier to put it off indefinitely.”

Soya looked at her watch, “Well, he’s going to be at the restaurant in 30 minutes, so unless you’re going to stand him up, which I know you’re not cruel enough to do…”

“You already invited him?!” Ayeon yelled.

Soya just grinned. Ayeon sighed, rubbing her forehead while setting her glass down. Maybe she was feeling kind, maybe she was a bit tipsy or maybe she was just tired of this entire day that she softened a fraction, “Who’s the guy?”

“A friend.” Soya said curtly.

Ayeon looked at Mina who just shrugged, “She wouldn’t tell me who it was.”

She sighed and downed the entire glass, “Is he an ass?”

“Yes, he has a great ass.” Soya teased, wiggling her brows. “Oh come on, you think I would set you up with someone below my impeccable standards? And does this mean you’re doing it?”

Ayeon bit her lip, rolling the skin between her teeth, “Yes. Fine. One date. That’s it. We’ll call it the last butterfly challenge.”

Mina, Jinah, and Soya all applauded, making Ayeon roll her eyes. Soya skipped up to her, grabbing her by the shoulder, “He’ll be wearing a dark blue jacket and a white shirt.”

“I’m picking her lingerie.” Mina called, her arm shooting straight up.

Ayeon gave her a dirty look, “No one will be seeing my lingerie, so there’s no need to bother and before you suggest it, I'm picking my own outfit.”

Jinah grinned smugly, “Look at you, being all prim and proper on your first big date. Don’t forget the condoms.”

Ayeon shot her middle finger up at her friend who just chuckled.

“I hate every single one of you.”

\-----

She let Mina pick her lingerie.

She still had no intention of anyone seeing it but when Mina held out a simple black set, she relented. The pants and dressy blouse she had on did a stellar job in covering what Mina so carefully selected.

Steeling her breath, Ayeon stood in front of the Italian restaurant that Soya had picked, regretting that she ever got out of Jinah’s car. Maybe if she called an Uber she could be back at her apartment with a fresh glass before 8PM.

“No.” She whispered to herself. “You can do this. You’ve been shot, cut, and taken hostage. You can go on one harmless date.”

Taking a huge breath, Ayeon held her head up high with enough false confidence as she strode into the restaurant, scanning for a man in a dark blue jacket and white shirt. Spotting the back of someone’s head seated at an empty booth, Ayeon fisted her hands and started walking towards him.

Suddenly a weird thought came into her mind.

What if it was Jaehyun?

Soya knew him and he’d be the one person she’d be confident to push Ayeon to go on a blind date with. Maybe this was her way of getting the two of them to sit down in a setting that they weren’t used to. And it would make sense why she kept his identity a secret from Mina and Jinah. Confused butterflies spun in her stomach in a hurried frenzy at the thought of sitting across from him lit by candles under the pretext of a date.

But when she grew closer, the butterflies died because those weren’t his shoulders or his neck or the shade of his hair. “Hi, are yo—”

He turned and Ayeon’s eyes widened at the familiar face, “You have got to be kidding me.”

Johnny looked over his shoulder at her with his jaw hung wide open, “Wait, no. You’re—”

“Soya’s friend.” She finished, stunned.

“This is unbelievable.”

\-----

“I knew it was weird when she called me up out of the blue talking about a blind date.” Johnny snorted as they stared at each other from across the table. The shock had worn off and the two of them has settled into an amused swing.

“Why did you even agree to come?” Ayeon balked once they had ordered.

Johnny made a face, waving his hand dismissively, “Shit’s been weird with me lately. I’ve had a few girlfriends, but nothing really lasted, so I just focused more on work and never paid attention to my love life. But then I started wondering what I was missing out on, then Soya called, and I thought what the hell. Why did you agree to come?”

“I don’t know, I thought what the hell too and Soya is really good at persuading people, it’s probably why she’s such a good lawyer.” She tilted her head at him, “How do you know Soya, anyway?”

Johnny took a sip of his water, “Law school.”

“You went to law school?” That was unexpected.

He grinned, shaking his head, “Only two years, I dropped out. It wasn’t really my thing, but I kept in touch with her. You know I never thought you’d go on a blind date.”

“Why?” She asked.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I always thought that Jaehyun was important to you.”

“He is.” She said with a confused laugh.

Johnny narrowed his eyes, “Really? Then why did you come out with a potential stranger and not the man that you actually want to be with but are too scared to make a move on?”

The smile shriveled and her heart thudded, “What did you just say?”

“Who do you think you’re fooling, Ayeon?” He prodded gently.

She knew he was doing this on purpose, and she hated that it baited her so easily, that it made her so nervous, “Did Soya tell you to say that?”

“Not a word. I’m just observant, I’ve spent a lot of time around the two of you, and Mina adamantly believes that you both are soulmates.”

“And you think we are?” Her voice was softer.

He leaned back and paused for a moment, “I don’t know if soulmates are real, but I think Jaehyun would never put you in a position where you felt ambushed and burdened by his feelings. If you want to know if the two of you are soulmates, you need to do something about it first.”

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude. I’m talking about another guy while I’m here with you.” She scratched her forehead. “This isn’t much of a date, is it?”

He smiled good-naturedly, “I don’t mind, clearly talking about him makes you comfortable. I bet he’d be the same way if he was on a blind date.”

It felt like cold water doused her as images flashed in her mind.

Jaehyun on a blind date.

Jaehyun on a blind date with someone else.

Someone that wasn’t her.

The food in front of her suddenly smelled too pungent and made her stomach churn. She fisted the napkin on her lap, wondering if she was about to be sick all over this table.

She imagined him dating other people where he’s holding another girl’s hand while walking out of a movie theatre. She imagined him kissing a date under the street lamp. She imagined him murmuring softly over a candlelight dinner with a date.

Yeah, she definitely was going to be sick.

“Ayeon?”

She snapped her eyes to his, alarmed, “O-Oh, sorry.”

He sighed, setting his fork down to lean towards her, “I bet he’d spend the entire night thinking about how he’d rather spend it with you.”

“Why are you telling me this?” She asked with an empty laugh.

“Because you could be on this date with me or any other person, but it wouldn’t matter because you’re only thinking about one other person. You only want to be with one other person. You wish you had that one other person and as amazing as my company is, I can’t compete with that other person, no one can. So, if this person is who you want to be with, why put your heart through anything else?” He breathed.

“I don’t know if that other person wants me back.” She admitted honestly.

He knew it was absurd, anyone with eyes could tell that Jaehyun would do anything for her, “Then go ask him. Find out. Because if you don’t get an answer, you’ll be stuck in this phase of never moving forward.”

“Relationships are messy and hurtful.” She reasoned.

“So is forcing yourself to be alone when you have someone you want to be with.”

“I—”

“Would you folks like to see the dessert menu?” The waitress asked with a smile so bright and unassuming that she clearly didn’t realize the tension that she just cut through.

Johnny cocked a brow, “Wanna split a slice of cake?”

\-----

The rest of dinner was silent except for some awkward small talk where the two of them pretended that they weren’t weighed down by their last conversation.

“It’s raining.” He murmured before pulling out an umbrella.

He pushed the door open, holding it for Ayeon with the umbrella outstretched, “After you.”

Ayeon smiled, ducking under the umbrella while Johnny kept in step with her. He glanced at her distracted expression and tucked away a grin as they neared his jeep. Any sane man would be kicking himself for spending the entire evening convincing a woman like Ayeon that she should be with someone else.

But Johnny felt a weird satisfaction come out of it.

“So, how was your first ever date?” He asked as they faced each other in front of the passenger door.

Ayeon pulled out of her deep thought and tilted her chin up to scan his easy-going smile. Her eyes flitted across his face curiously, like a scientist probing an experiment before she rolled her shoulders back and spoke in a clear decisive tone.

“Can you kiss me?”

Johnny balked at her and thought that the raging sound of the rain clouded his hearing, “What? N-No, wait, ye—no hang on, didn’t we just talk about stuff that wouldn’t make this a good idea?”

“I know. But I need you to kiss me. I need to check something.” She brushed her hair back, a challenge in her eyes.

“For science?” He joked.

She nodded, seriously, “For science.”

The disbelief was still in his eyes as he stepped closer to her, hand still on the umbrella, “Well, if it’s for science.”

And without touching her, he leaned forward, kissing her.

It was sweet, it was kind and the type of kiss you gave someone you felt no attraction to. The type of kiss that didn’t set you on fire or make you lean in further until space was non-existent. It was a gentle kiss that you’d give someone you didn’t know well. Ayeon has given that kiss a dozen times before but it wasn’t until that moment that she realized how bad that kiss made her feel.

But even if you’re not attracted to someone, it still feels like crap when someone does this with a sigh _that_ dreamy.

“Jaehyun.”

Johnny stilled, opening his eyes with his mouth still on hers. He slowly pulled away, a dubious smile on his face, “What did you just say?”

Her face flared an aggressive red as she stuttered violently, “N-Nothing. What? I didn’t say anything. I moaned.”

“You moaned?” The disbelief was too obvious for her to fight back. “Your moan that sounds suspiciously like Jae—”

Ayeon laughed loudly, covering his words, “It’s getting late, isn’t it?”

She backed away, her laugh shrill, Johnny reached out and grabbed her arm, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“W-What?” Ayeon stuttered, panic gripping her throat.

Johnny shook his head incredulously, “Stop wasting time. Life is too fucking short for that. Just tell him.”

“God.” She breathed out. “I really need to go, don’t I?”

He nodded, “I’ll drive you.”

“Actually no, I think I’m going to walk.” She said with a delirious smile.

He tilted his head, fighting off his own knowing one, “It’s raining, Ayeon.”

“I know.” She said with a ridiculous laugh.

“You’re going to do something insane, aren’t you?”

She started to walk backward, the rain splattering over her hair, her smile honest and beaming, “I think so.”

\-----

You know when you get a piece of information and you don’t know how to react so instead, you’re frozen while your entire body overheats?

“Did you hear me?” Soya snapped into the phone, “Ayeon is on a date right now.”

Yeah. _That_ feeling.

“Oh.” Was all Jaehyun could muster. He didn’t realize that Ayeon was looking to date.

Soya sighed. “I like the guy. He’s funny kind and smart. He’d be perfect for her.”

His mind lagged as it thought of a response because any man would die to be with a woman like Ayeon and it would take a _great_ man to be perfect for her. Instead, he settled on, “Okay.”

Soya’s frustration grew. “Aren’t you going to do something about it?”

“Why?” He finally managed. “If this guy is as good as you claim then why on earth would I cause a scene?”

Soya made a sound of annoyance. “I’m not saying you should cause a scene. I’m saying the next time you’re with her and she looks at you with those eyes of hers, fucking do something about it.”

A pounding at his door drew his attention away, “I have to go.”

“Please don’t let her fall for this guy, even if I think he’s great.” She said before hanging up. 

Jaehyun set his phone down and pushed away from the nauseating lump in this throat that called for him to crawl into bed and fixate on the fact that there might be someone else for Ayeon that wasn’t him. He managed to drag his feet to his door, swinging it open.

And then he paused at the sight in front of him.

His body was on fire as he stared at her, drenched in rainwater, her hair plastered to her face, curled against her the side of her damp neck. Her shirt clung to her figure and her jacket gleamed with rain. Her eyes were coated in a fit of cold anger as she panted, her cheeks flushed with an aggressive pink. His throat dried as his vision on swam.

It was cruel how she was everything he ever wanted in life wrapped up with a breathtaking scowl.

It made his mind wipe blank, “Wha—”

“Let me in.” She hissed out, something heavenly in her eyes.

He dumbly stepped aside and let her storm in, angrily peeling off her jacket and whiping it against the floor. Triple crept up, intrigued with the tension in the room but was quick to distract himself with her jacket, partially because it was drenched in her scent and quite frankly Jaehyun wished he could do the same.

She turned to face him, still furious but without the jacket, her shirt wasn’t doing much else for his sanity other than ripping it apart. And the thought of that just had him imagining other things he’d very much like to rip apart. “Let me get you a towel and tea.”

“No.”

He normally would ignore her and get it anyways, but the tone had him rock solid, cautiously gauging the storm brewing behind her eyes. 

“I thought about this every second.” She seethed. “I thought about it when I was in bed. I thought about it when I was at work. I thought about it whenever I caught sight of you. So, I want to make it clear. I’ve thought this through and it took a lot to stand here and speak my thoughts out loud because no one else has ever heard them.”

He gulped nervously, “Okay.”

“I feel sick around you.”

His eyes widened and dread settled on his stomach because he never wanted her to ever feel anything short of at home with him.

“I would feel this churning unsettlement in my gut that distorted my vision. And it confused and slightly upset me. I didn’t want to feel sick around you. In fact, I quite liked you.” She muttered through her teeth.

The dread only grew at _liked._

“And so, I tried to figure out why someone I liked made me sick. Then!” She faked a shocked gasp. “I figured it out! And at first it unsettled me more until I realized, maybe you felt sick at the sight me of too.”

He was about to disagree, but she cut him off.

“I realized that I didn’t simply like you.” She gulped and trained her gaze on him. “I realized that I wanted you. With a sort of visceral need that I have never felt before like if I didn’t have you, I might not ever be the same.”

His mouth dried and his heart pounded in his ears because this certainly had to be a dream.

“The thing is, I’ve wanted people before, but they never made me feel sick. But apparently, I never had this exact problem with any of those other people because I wanted you when the only thought in my mind was to wreck every gentle thing about you and drive you utterly insane. But I also wanted you in the morning.” Her eyes glazed and her hands began to shake. “I wanted you next to me in bed, messy hair, tired smile, and warm with the same longing from the night before but softer in the way that only you know how to do. I wanted you just for myself and that terrified the shit out of me.”

Her face crumbled into something more vulnerable and it slammed his throat shut.

“And I wanted you to want me back, that night, the next morning, the next day, the next week, I want you to always want me. And the thought that you might not had made me sick.” She took in a breath that sounded more like a hiccup. “So, I just need to purge this sickness out of me now. I need you to know how badly I want you, everything about you, I need it in me, around me, on me, I don’t care but I need it. I need you to make me smell like flowers every day and if you don’t need or want that, I have to know now.”

Silence ticked by before he realized that she was waiting for him.

“Detective—”

“No. I don’t want pretty words, I don’t need a speech, I’ve already done that. I need an answer. Yes or no. Do you want this? That’s it.” She said firmly.

He stared, taking in every inch of her that took him hard and locked him against her. The fact that a woman so caged off had the courage to stand in front of him with her heart open, willing to be hurt. And then everything melted into one blurry image, his body exploded, and he barely rasped out the _Yes_ as the euphoric fireworks shattered him.

“Yes, so much.”

Her eyes widened and she hesitated like she hadn’t thought this through. Like she didn’t think he’d say yes. But then her eyes sank into his and he wasn’t sure what she saw but she got the reassurance she needed to walk towards him with a gaze that determined to set him on fire before pulling on his shirt to kiss him.

To finally. _Finally,_ kiss him.

And he didn’t wait. His hands immediately slipped around her waist and pull her towards him because holy hell he could not put into words just how magical it felt to kiss Ayeon. She was heat on his tongue, a blaze in his veins and scorched every inch her fingers could find.

He wasn’t ready for how it’d feel to touch her, _to really touch her_.

This must be what bliss felt like.

He slipped his fingers into the back of her head, pressing his thumb into the curve of her jaw, tilting her head back so he could sink into her, so his tongue could press into her mouth in a way that had her grabbing onto him and tucking herself tightly against him. His hands slid down her body, past the swell of her hips that he lingered on before they reached the back of her thighs and lifted her. Ayeon let out a sound of surprise as her legs banded around his waist, her arms dangling around his shoulders. Her eyes locked with his in a competition to see whose were darker and more clouded.

“I went on a date today.” She whispered, out of breath.

“And how did it go?” He nearly moaned against her lips.

She pulled away; her breath trapped in her chest as she fisted his hair in her hand. “Good. He was nice and sweet but—fuck,” She gasped when his lips brushed her neck, “he wasn’t you.”

She tried again, “He wasn’t you. I just kept thinking about yo—oh.” Her words died when he bit down. She felt his smile against her skin, and it sent shivers down her arms.

“I keep thinking about you too.” He panted out. “It’s torturous when you’re too far.”

Her heart choked and her fingers dug into his hair on instinct and gripped his strands with enough vigor that Jaehyun moaned loudly into her mouth. She gasped and pulled away, her eyes wide, “Oh god, I’m so sorry--” 

He cut her off, pressing his mouth back against hers and slamming her body into the nearest wall, sending a quivering shiver through her spine. He pulled away far enough so that their lips were brushing against each other as he blinked at her, lazy and heavy. Her throat caught and her stomach spun, she wanted to cry at how beautiful he looked and somehow it was her who made him this way.

“It might come as a surprise…” he whispered, his words almost slurred, “but I’m not actually made of petals.”

“Holy shit.” She breathed out, she could’ve never imagined the gentle man with his dimples and framed by flowers could look at her like he was going to wreck her sanity.

It was the first time she had ever wanted anyone this badly. She fumbled with his clothes, doing everything in her power not to just rip them off him, her hands were shaking, and her vision was burning but he was agile, swift, leading her across his apartment without letting go of her lips and keeping up with her hands.

It was _him_.

With his soothing voice, calming energy, patient determination, who seemed to always be the person she needed. He kept her balanced. She was overwhelmed by the way he dragged his palms over her skin, somehow taking his time while they kissed like they didn’t have enough of it. It was everything about him that made her leave her heart at the door whenever she walked out of his shop. It was that aching, almost painful feeling in her throat that wanted to kiss him, when she saw him after work, when he waited for her, when he read her, when he set up her desk in the back and put a vase down.

He was her ocean and she wanted to make him flood.

And he was in no better shape. She tasted like cinnamon and he found it incredibly fitting. Something that burned in his throat but made everything better, sweeter, warmer. Something he didn’t know he’d miss until he tasted her. He spent a lot of days wondering how she would taste up close, but it was nothing like he could imagine. His thumb stroke the gash on the side of her face and she tensed in his arms, pulling back slightly to look away. 

"You're like a fucking painting." He whispered, staring into her eyes, "I just want to look at you over and over again." 

She licked her lips, unease flashing in her eyes as she slid her fingers into his hair, "I want to ask you a question but I need an honest answer."

He wanted to laugh because at this moment, his inhibitions were out the window and he had no self-restraint to censor himself, "I swear, sweetheart. The whole truth and nothing but."

"Do you find me attractive? With bruises and scars? I know we've talked about this before, but beauty is one thing, desire and want are completely different." She breathed out, her fingers sliding down his jaw to brush his lips.

His laugh was swallowed by her mouth when he cradled her hips into his and his fingers back against her face as he gave a long, nearly obscene kiss, "Taeyong was right, detective. You look fucking hot with a scar and every part of me wants to fuck you like an animal and make you breakfast in the morning, so to answer your question, yes I find you almost horrifyingly attractive." 

She could barely latch onto his words, too grateful to hear what she never thought he'd speak out loud to properly comprehend them when she launched back into his arms. Her teeth dug into his lip before her tongue swept over the indents, her fingers making themselves at home wherever they could find. They somehow made it to his bedroom and the smell spurred her on, something so warm and familiar that she desperately wanted to flush through her veins. He sat on the edge of the mattress, her in his lap and his fingers sunk into her hair. He sang her name in his head over and over until nothing else made sense. She rolled her tongue against his, dragging the tips of her fingers across his face, mapping out the curves and lines.

Suddenly all the self-restraint they had managed to show each other over the last few months exploded into making up for lost time. His hands slid under her shirt, gently grazing the bruise on her side and when her hips started moving, she felt a change in him.

“You’re distracted.” She mumbled against his mouth.

He hummed in acknowledgment, “I am. Sorry. I’m just trying to figure out the logistics.”

She pulled back and stared at him, stunned, “Of sex? I imagine there’s not much to it.”

He smiled so devilishly that she almost broke apart right there. “No, the logistics of fucking you on a literal bed of roses.”

Her eyes widened, her heartbeat quickened and her fingers dug into his shoulder as beautifully sinful fantasies made up of silken smooth red, white and pink flashed in her mind. His own eyes glazed over as if the same images were flashing in his.

“I have the means to.” He muttered, his eyes glancing at her lips in a vicious longing, his hand gripping the button of her jeans, “And you deserve roses.”

He was going to destroy her at this rate.

“Next time.” She whispered breathlessly against his mouth, pinning him under her with the intention of letting him unravel her with every part of him.

For the first time, she canceled out every voice in her head, every doubt, every fear, every second thought and just listened to Jaehyun's voice against her ear and her heart against her chest. And for the first time in a long, long time, it felt good because for years Ayeon dodged the messiness and risks involved in relationships. 

But Nietzsche said that there is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. 

So perhaps Ayeon storming up to his apartment drenched in rainwater straight from a date with another man to confess feelings she had spent so long hiding and denying was an act of madness. 

And perhaps there is reason in that madness. 

Perchance, that reason may be quite close to love. 


	28. daffodils

She had been watching him for about 10 minutes. She knew she’d hate it if their roles were reversed but she couldn’t pull her eyes away. He was exquisite. And he was not made of petals. It was all muscle and vein and kindness and trust, and it was all so indicative of who Jaehyun was.

It was one night.

A long night.

But Jaehyun spent it learning about everything that made her tick. Like when his lips found her neck she’d immediately melt and sigh loudly, gripping his hair as if it grounded her. Or when he laced their fingers together and held them over her head her eyes would glaze over with a dazed smile. Or when he brushed her lips with his teasingly, she’d wait exactly 2.5 seconds before leaning up and closing the gap with no patience. Or when he’d let his fingers drift below her hip bone her eyes would widen, her jaw would drop, and a sharp gasp of his name would crack through the air before it steamed into a moan.

She shivered constantly as she reimagined his palms sliding down her sides, up her back, and in her hair. It was the way he mumbled reassurances constantly in the way of “you’re breathtaking” "you're trying to ruin me" or “you’re doing so well” and it was nothing she was used to; she didn’t realize how much it overwhelmed her with emotion.

But nothing devastated her more than when it was all over and she slumped in his arms and he gathered her up, stroking her hair tenderly, kissing the side her head while whispering, “I’ve got you, sweetheart.”

She curled up further and just wished he’d wake up, hair perfectly tousled, shirtless, passed out. She wanted him to wake. To touch her, to kiss her in broad daylight long after the influence of the night wore off. He shifted, sliding his arm under his pillow and in the process slowly opened his eyes. He blinked and for a moment his face was blank, and her heart stilled until that glorious smile curled up his face.

“Morning.” She muttered, her voice raspy and his insides completely melted. The sun skimmed the side of her face, highlighting her cheekbones, coating her in a cozy warmth that made his bed dangerously welcoming, to the point where he might not ever leave. 

He slipped his arm under the covers, wound it around her waist and slid her towards him, “A fucking dream come true, aren’t you?”

“I’ve made you cuss like a sailor. Did you _hear_ yourself last night?” She blurted out. His smile grew and she felt everything fall right.

“Yeah,” he whispered, mainly to himself, “a dream come true.”

\-----

When she woke again, a few hours later, Jaehyun wasn’t next to her in bed and the apartment smelled like eggs. Everything should’ve been fine, and happy and wonderful but now that he was gone and she was left with the stark reminder of waking up cold and alone, something changed.

All she felt was fear.

What the hell was she thinking, sleeping with him so quickly?

She could hear her mother’s scolding voice telling her about how men stripped you of your independence and only cared about the fastest way to get in your bed.

“Fuck.” She whispered, rubbing her face.

She should’ve just told him how she felt and asked him on a date. Why did she sleep with him? He must think she was easy, that the passion and tension were gone. She had immensely ruined their relationship or whatever left of it there was, and it had barely started. She _told_ Dr.Lee that she wanted to date, that she didn’t want one-night stands and what did she go and do?

Panicking, she grabbed clothes off the ground, unsure if it was his or hers, and threw them on as quietly as possible. Holding her breath, she cracked the door open and tip-toed out in a way that had become second nature to her. His back was turned to her as he tended to the stove, his soft humming glazing over the crackling of the oil.

She had made it halfway to the door when his voice rang out, “Breakfast is almost done, you could eat before you sneak out, sweetheart.”

She took a sharp breath, looking up as he slowly turned, setting a plate of eggs down on the dinner table. She couldn’t tell what made her heart stop, the pet name, the food, or the way he looked like every salvation she ever dreamed of.

“Adopted the nickname quick, huh?” She said weakly.

He smiled to himself and it warmed her up, “Feels like I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.”

 _God,_ _GOD_ he drove her mad with the way he laced his words together so beautifully and so sincerely.

“Why not something more modern like baby?” She didn’t know why she was having this conversation with him.

He stared at her straight. “Because you’re not a baby, nor do I baby you. But you have a sweet heart and I adore you for it.”

“Fucking hell.” She blurted out, covering her face with her hand and turning away. He was too much, and she couldn’t function properly, she hadn’t prepared for him to act this way and it hurt how good it felt. It was going to be torturous if he continued to be so blatant with his emotions.

She felt gentle fingers brush her hair aside and shivered when she felt him card through her strands, his chest brushing her back, “I don’t need to use a nickname if you hate I—”

“No!” She blurted. “I just need time to acclimate.”

“To what, sweetheart?” He murmured. The word rolled off his tongue so naturally.

She turned to look at him and felt every doubt fade like a useless thought. It was him. She knew him. He was familiar. He was good. This could be okay. “To you.” She finally said.

“Is that why you were sneaking out?” He asked.

She looked at her feet, “I just wasn’t sure if things would change in the morning.”

“Things _have_ changed after last night, but I think it’s a good change.”

She looked up at him, “I think so too.”

His smile was so understanding, so kind as he let his hand fall to his side, “Take your time, detective, I’ll be here. Making you eggs every morning that you’ll let me.”

The way he called her detective sounded different too. It sounded like he was still calling her sweetheart and it left her in a mildly delirious daze. She was glad he hadn’t mentioned how the night before she was adamant that she had thought this entire thing over. That she was confident in her decision. And that hadn’t changed at all.

It was hard, navigating this change in her mind. This wasn’t just uncharted territories. This was an uncharted planet. This was mixing foreign chemicals together hoping nothing would explode. But she stared at him, humming softly as he made her breakfast, relaxed and lazy like he hadn’t pinned her to his mattress just hours earlier with every intention to turn her brain and muscle into mush. And it made her soft.

She was vulnerable in front of him and he didn’t gain power from it. He didn’t take her vulnerability to make himself stronger, he took her vulnerabilities from her and gave her his in exchange. There weren’t many men like him. There weren't many she felt _safe_ with.

So, maybe her heart would become a little clumsier. Maybe she had no fucking clue what she was doing or how to do it right. Maybe she was right, trusting someone this much was foolish, and her mother knew all along.

But it was Jaehyun and if she was going to learn how to do this, on god it had to be with him and no one else.

“Okay.” She rasped.

He turned and with the sun blaring behind him, outlining him in gold and heat something close to determination and a stone throw away from love painted over her features.

Dressed in last nights clothes, smelling distinctly of him, Jaehyun swore that if she asked him to do a backflip he would learn.

“Okay.” He repeated back. She didn’t need to expand. He didn’t need an emotional speech.

She walked over and picked up the package of unopened bacon and switched on the stove before standing next to him, making breakfast for two.

 _Okay_.

\-----

Ayeon’s phone started to ring as she set the dishes in the sink. Breakfast was different, his legs were tangled with hers and she couldn’t remember laughing so much at the little things that floated back and forth between them. It was new, letting him drag his fingers lightly across swathes of her skin whenever he walked by her, it was different than when he would do it before. He used to do it to soothe her, now he did it to feel her.

It was so nice.

“Can you grab that?” She mumbled.

Jaehyun glanced at her phone, “It’s Soya.”

And then he switched it to speaker mode.

“Can you please explain to me why Johnny Suh just told me, without me asking, that you MOANED JAEHYUN’S NAME WHEN HE KISSED YOU!” Soya screamed.

Ayeon froze, blood draining from her body as she dared to look at Jaehyun, fighting off the horror. He was still, his face betraying nothing as he stared at her phone like it was magic. She barely thought of a reply before Soya continued her rant.

“First of all, I’m concerned that Johnny feels close enough to me to just share this information but apparently after dinner he kissed you—”

Ayeon launched at the phone, but Jaehyun was quicker, grabbing it off the table and holding it to his ear.

“—and you said Jaehyun’s name and when he asked you about it, you said he misheard and then you just ran away from him in the middle of a rainstorm.”

“Soy-“

“For the love of god, Ayeon, if you like Jaehyun just te—”

She wrenched the phone of his hands, jamming her finger against the screen until she ended the call. Silence fell over them as they held a long-heated gaze, neither of them dared to speak as Ayeon tried to catch her breath.

“One question.” He finally said.

She shot him a dirty look, “No.”

He stepped towards her, his eyes glazed and his fingers curling into a fist, “How did it sound?”

“What?” She breathed out.

“Did you moan my name the same way you did last night, in my hands?” He murmured, sliding his hands around her waist and drawing her in.

“Oh my god.” She said with an incredulous laugh before turning away but he was closer now, close enough to cup her face and turn her towards him.

“Is it insanely barbaric how hot the thought of you moaning my name in front of another man is?”

“Fuck off.” She breathed out before she pushed herself up on her toes to kiss him.

He laughed into her mouth, smoothing his palms around her back to pull her in closer, causing her to smile back. Triple squeezed between their legs as Ayeon leaned back to bump their noses together. He grinned mischievously, “Let me do one more thing.”

“What?” She whispered.

He licked his lips, moving slowly towards her until his mouth brushed her neck. She gasped, clawing her fingers into his shoulder as her head fell back, blissed out. His kisses were probative at first, just skimming different parts of her neck until he hit one spot that had a sound tumbling out of her lips. Smiling against her skin, his kisses grew harder, just at the one spot until he bit down, and sin fell from her lips.

“Jaehyun.” She moaned.

He pulled away at such speed that Ayeon nearly tipped backward if it wasn’t for his hand around her waist, “So, it sounded like that? I could live with you kissing someone else if it sounded like that.”

Her jaw dropped as she held the side of her neck, “Who are you?”

He laughed, “You made me like this.”

“I should go, I need to shower and change clothes.” She mumbled with a glare.

He would’ve offered his shower and his clothes but he knew she wanted to use that time to collect her thoughts. He reached out and cupped her cheek. No matter how everything else took getting used to, his touch never did. It never felt foreign and strange. In fact, she was sure it was one of the things that kept her from dashing away from her feelings and fears.

“I feel trashy, letting you walk home by yourself after last night.” He cooed while fixing her hair.

“I’ll Uber.” She whispered back he laughed. She sighed and thought to herself absolutely fuck it all before straightening up and slotting her mouth against his with something gentle.

A low sound vibrated from his throat before he kissed back, softly and slowly, reminding her of every man that failed to kiss her like she deserved. But quite frankly she was glad that no one lived up to Jaehyun. She pulled away first and watched him cautiously.

He let out a stuttered breath. “Okay in all fairness I think I need to get used to you doing that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

\-----

When Ayeon left his apartment, Jaehyun was going through his morning routine like he normally would. He fed Triple, he checked his email and added consultations to his schedule before he cleaned up his apartment.

But when he walked into his bedroom, he stopped.

He stared at his quilt twisted across his mattress and his pants and Ayeon’s bra thrown across his floor as a smile split up his face. He dropped to his mattress and covered his smile with his hand, shivers running down his spine. His entire room smelled like her and he could still feel her raspy voice against his neck and her lips against his mouth.

Sitting in the midst of the aftermath of last night, Jaehyun finally let it sink in that after months of the thought dancing across his mind, he finally had Ayeon in his hands, he was granted access to every part of her, even the sides that she would wrap in yellow police tape. She let him in.

She chose to be with him, and he didn’t know where this put them or what they were to each other, but he was so glad to have her. He fell back on the bed, replaying the feeling of waking up next to her, to catch her eyes staring at him first thing. Part of him expected her to be out of his house before he opened his eyes, it nearly scared him to fall asleep because he didn’t want to wake and find her gone.

But she wanted to stay, even if she tried to leave, she chose to stay at the end.

“Oh my god.” He whispered, giddily.

He looked over to the picture of Haerin on his bedside table and smiled blearily, “I really hope you like her, Hae, because I feel lucky for the first time in a long time.”

\-----

“You little slut!”

Ayeon blinked as she stepped into her apartment and caught Mina grinning at her from her spot on the couch, “You’re coming home now!? Aren’t you glad I picked your lingerie?”

She would never admit that, yeah, she was really glad.

“Why are you awake this early?” Ayeon deterred, tossing her keys aside.

Mina’s smug smile hadn’t left her face, “Soya gave me a loaner laptop, so I’ve just been doing research and waiting for you to come home. You're lucky the girls don’t know when you crept back in here.”

“I have to go by the precinct and then I’ll come get you and take you to the bank.” Ayeon replied, ignoring her, “Have you had breakfast yet?”

Mina snorted, “Are we just going to avoid talking about the date altogether? Was it that bad?”

Ayeon took a long breath before facing Mina, “I should tell you the date was with Johnny.”

Mina’s smile faltered for a second before it widened, “T-That’s great! It’s someone you know, that’s probably why Soya picked him, she must’ve heard you talk about him. I’m so happy it went well, and you even spent the night! Haha, t-that’s great.”

Ayeon sucked in her cheeks, fighting off a grin, “No, after dinner I kissed him goodnight and we went our own ways. I don’t think we’ll be going on a date again any time soon.”

“W-Wait, so if you left after the date, where did you end up spending the night?” Mina asked with a frown.

She smiled to herself, she could still feel Jaehyun’s fingers on her, her heart thudding in response, “I need to shower and get dressed I have to go to the precinct. Call Johnny, will you? Soya put him on retainer, he’s basically your on-call for now on.”

Mina fell silent as Ayeon strode into her bathroom, locking the door behind her, leaving her with her thoughts. She turned back to her laptop, her fingers hovering over her keyboard before she carefully typed out a message.

­ _[User1340ac92] Hi, sorry for the late reply. I’ll be safe. Have you seen the news? There’s a new Commissioner. Good news, I guess._

After hitting send, Mina looked at her phone, chewing her lip nervously before picking it up and hitting Johnny’s number. It was a few short rings before he picked up.

“Well, well, well if it isn’t Ms. Gwen Stacy.”

She smiled to herself, picking at her blanket, “Who’s Spiderman?”

He snorted, “No, this is a Gwen Stacy standalone film.”

She laughed, sinking into the couch, “Listen, Ayeon’s going to be at work all day so she wants you to do security things for me.”

“Anything for you, Gwen, we’ll be around in 20.”

She hated that her hair probably matched her face, “I heard your date with Ayeon went well.”

“You might’ve been onto something about her and soulmates. I’ve been on worse dates, but I don’t see a second one in the future.” He teased.

Mina squeezed her eyes shut, “What about another first?”

“Huh?”

She nearly screamed in frustration, “Johnny, do you want to go on a date?”

“With you? In a heartbeat.”

\-----

Ayeon sat by her desk, rocking side to side as she skipped through CCTV footage, no matter what angle she tried, none of the cameras caught Mina or her assailant. It only caught Ayeon racing out of Maison De Fleurs and Jaehyun racing out a few minutes later, getting into his car to follow her.

She fisted her fingers through her hair in frustration. How could a girl get stabbed a few blocks away from a police station and not a single piece of evidence is left behind? She glanced at her watch, she needed to get Mina to the bank before she went to see Jaehyun.

“Hey, sorry, I’ve been running about all day. Do you have a second?” Jinah asked as she stood in front of Ayeon.

She raised her brows, closing out of the videos and locking her fingers before standing to follow her to a conference room, “Sure.”

“Oh hey, Mina said last night went well.” Jinah quipped.

Ayeon didn’t smile but she felt her gut curl as memories of last night painted vivid pictures, “It was a good night.”

“How good?” Jinah leered.

Ayeon rolled her eyes, “Jinah, why are we here?”

Jinah’s smile faded as she stared at her feet, choosing her words.

“Look, there’s no easy way to say this, but the new Interim came in earlier today.” Jinah said softly.

Ayeon frowned, “Okay…”

“When he saw your empty desk, he started asking questions and well, he spoke to Dr. Lee to get an update. She said that although you’re fit for field duty, that you could benefit from continuing sessions. He agreed but said that he wants you working out of the precinct from now on, to show a united front.”

Ayeon squeezed her eyes shut, “Wait, so I need to come back?”

“Yeah, he thinks that people will think that this precinct is ‘fractured’ if they find you gone.”

Ayeon made a face but Jinah snorted, “I know what you’re going to say but, I don’t think he’s budging on this one. Is that okay?”

“I mean…fuck. I don’t want to be back here.” Ayeon muttered. She wanted to be with Jaehyun, in his shop, convincing him to spend his lunch break kissing her against her table.

Jinah reached out and patted her arm. “I know. If you want, I can talk to him again, maybe figure out something, like working half and half.”

“No, you know what, it’s fine, I’ll come back.” Ayeon sighed.

Jinah rocked on her heels, “I’m sorry, Ayeon.”

She shook her head, “It’s for the best.”

\-----

“Hi, you two.” Ayeon said slowly when she found Johnny and Mina eating on her couch, “It’s nice to see my apartment is now open to all visitors.”

Johnny winced, “Sorry, she was hungry, so I went to get food.”

“No, don’t apologize, I’m just tired. Mina, get dressed, we need to go to the bank.” She sighed out, she wished she could spend her lunch break in a better mood.

Johnny stood, glancing at Mina, “Will you need me?”

“No, you’re free to go.” Ayeon said as she walked to her fridge.

She furiously chugged a water bottle, just raising her brows at Johnny as a goodbye before crumpling the empty plastic in her fist. Mina watched her cautiously, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just…I have to start working out of the precinct from now on, no more flower shop.” She muttered the last part.

Mina frowned, “Really? Can he just do that?”

“Technically yeah. Dr. Lee said that I was fit for duty, which is true, just because I’m still using therapy doesn’t mean I’m unable to work out of the precinct. I mean, he wants transparency and Jinah needs to pick her battles, this isn’t important enough to fight with the Interim about. He’s just trying to fix the absolute trash fire that this district is.”

“I’m sorry.” Mina said quietly, “I convinced you to help me because you thought I was going to tackle hazing, but the story changed and now you’re going back there even though nothing’s changed.”

She sighed, “It’s fine, Mina. This is so much bigger than me, it wouldn’t have been right for you to ignore it just to fix my shit. I’m just grumpy but it’ll pass. Grab your coat and let’s get that USB.”

\-----

Ayeon watched Mina walk out of the bank, the USB clutched tightly in her hand. “Let’s go, my laptop is in your car.”

Ayeon got into the back seat with her and Mina pulled out her laptop, sticking the USB in. Clicking, she opened the file before opening the list of officer names. “Yup, it’s all here.”

“It’s just the names?” Ayeon asked.

Mina nodded, causing her to frown, “Why would someone want this list? Or at least go to the lengths that they did? Knowing these names means nothing, it doesn’t tell you why they were transferred or where they were transferred to since I couldn’t get that info about Officer Kyung Gyu.”

Mina scrolled up and down each name, “There must be someone on this list whose name can’t be revealed. Someone didn’t want the full names being made public. Why?”

Ayeon ran over the list with her eyes, none of the names jumped out at her, “Send this to my personal email, I’ll run the names through the database and see if there’s anything to flag. Maybe there’s a connection between them or something in their file about the precinct they worked at before the transfer.”

“Did you find anything on the CCTV footage?” Mina asked.

Ayeon grunted, “Nothing useful, the camera wasn’t angled towards the alley.”

Mina looked unpleased, “You’re saying that the only clue we have on who the attacker is me, but I can’t remember a single fucking thing.”

“Don’t go blaming yourself, you were literally stabbed, the fact that you can walk around is already enough good will. We’ll just have to work backward, instead of finding the person and then figuring out their motive, we should find the motive and then figure out what person would have it.” Ayeon said as she climbed over the console and into the driver’s seat.

“You think it’ll be that simple?” Mina question.

Ayeon snorted. “Absolutely not, but it’s worth a shot.”

\-----

She wanted to punch something.

Ayeon hovered in front of Jaehyun’s shop after dropping Mina off and spending the rest of the day tied to her desk. Everything today was a giant pain in the ass, and it didn’t make a lot of sense to her how a day that started so perfectly could end so frustratingly.

And it didn’t help that she was feeling unnaturally sad about not being able to sit at that table in the back with the flowers that Jaehyun always made an effort to change. It wasn’t reasonable for her to be so bothered by it, but she resented that the minute something happened between them, she wouldn’t be able to spend any more time with him.

She was pulled out of her daze when Jaehyun came out from the back room, holding a bucket of roses. He caught her standing and smiled, she waved slightly, because wow the minute her eyes landed on him, she felt at ease. Opening the door, she ducked in, her eyes fully soaking Jaehyun up. She shivered as if she could still feel him running through her. He was like nothing she had ever experienced before. She couldn’t help but let her mind drift to the way his skin felt, the way he smelled, the way he shivered against her and the way he sounded next to her ear.

She smiled fondly, ambushed with the way his shirt, crisp and clean, tucked into his pants, his hair brushed handsomely to the side. He was put together and a picture of pure decency. A far contrast to the sights only she was privy to the night before. She lived to unravel him. To tear apart the kind, subdued calmness and replaced it with a disrupted uncontrollable passion.

She couldn’t recognize the emotions in her, she was like a different woman.

“Hi.”

Jaehyun smiled crookedly, “Hi, detective. Missed you today.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” She said weakly, walking towards him.

She wasn’t sure how they were going to interact after spending time apart, but when he slipped his palm against the side of her neck and delicately slid his lips against hers in welcome, she felt her skin pebble. She liked that there was confidence in the way he shifted into this new territory of their relationship, he made new things feel normal. Confidence that urged her on.

When they pulled away, his grin was wide, his dimples making a bold appearance. She rolled her eyes, “What are you so damn happy about?”

He stepped back and moved to the kettle, flicking it on, “Why am I happy? I get to touch you; I get to be with you. I get to—”

He turned on his heel, grabbed her by the waist and pushed her against the wall. Her eyes were wide, and her fingers dug into his shoulders as he leaned towards her, “I get to do this.”

She took in a sharp breath when he kissed her, hard. God, if she could spend the rest of her life with his lips on her, she would. She arched into him, cupping his neck to pull him closer and closer until his tongue was prominently in her mouth.

He pulled away first, out of breath and leaned his forehead against hers, “You can see why I was so happy, right?”

“I think I can see the merits.” She mumbled.

He grinned, moving back to the kettle where he poured them tea. “How was your day?”

“Um…actually there’s something I need to tell you.”

He handed her the mug and raised his brows, “You have my attention.”

“The new Commissioner came in today, to tour the precinct and when he saw my empty desk, he asked Jinah about it and basically long story short, I’m being called back to the precinct. I’m starting back there tomorrow.” She admitted softly.

He took a long breath before setting the mug down, “Are you okay to be back there?”

“I—what? Yeah, whatever, it’ll be fine. That’s not what I’m focused on.”

He quirked his brow “Then what are you focused on?”

“You. I mean—us. I’m not going to be around here as often.” She said in resignation. 

He grinned affectionately, "I'm not a toddler, sweetheart. Just because you’re not in my eyesight doesn’t mean I’m going to forget you exist, actually, you make it quite hard to forget you. And you’re right down the street from me; you're close and last I checked, you and I do well with _close._ ”

“That’s true.” She hummed, sipping her tea.

"What's bothering you?" He asked.

She shrugged nonchalantly, "Nothing, I'm not bothered. I won't miss you at all."

"Really? Because I'll miss you like crazy."

Her teeth hit the rim of the cup with a sharp clatter, "Wait, you will?"

"Oh sweetheart, every waking second." He sang lowly. 

She cleared her throat and set her mug down, "In that case, I'd like to make a correction. I will miss you too, on one condition." 

He bit back a smile, "You name it."

"When something at work drives me insane?”

He laughed, “I’ll be here for you to rant to.”

The sound unwound something in her chest and a foreign bout of affection bloomed in her chest, “How are you like this?”

“Like what?” He blinked.

She waved to gesture at his entire body, “Nothing, _nothing_ ever phases you. I thought I was good at managing my emotions but you’re something else.”

He smiled, moving close to her to smoothly hook a finger through her belt loop. “Ayeon…”

“I like when you say my name.” She said with a frown.

He laughed lightly, “Ayeon.”

“Yes?”

“You’ve seen me be phased by _plenty_ of things. I just like you too much to let this minor obstacle be one of those things, just as long as you’re going to be okay working around those people.”

She wasn’t sure what they were, if they were dating, or exclusive, or boyfriend and girlfriend, but around him, she didn’t have the mind space to care. He was perfect for her, and that was enough.

“I’ll be okay.”

“Then so will I.” He murmured while brushing hair out of her face.

She shook her head with a soft smile, “You’re good at this.”

“What can I say? I’m sensible.” He teased.

“Oh yeah? Where’s that filthy, cursing mouth of yours, huh?” She cooed while her hand slid up his arm.

He smirked, kissing the tip of her nose, “You gotta get me in bed to hear that, sweetheart.” 


	29. daisies

“You’re in a relationship.” Dr. Lee spoke the words out slowly like she was speaking a new language.

Ayeon glanced at the ceiling in thought, “I guess? I told him how I felt about him, he said he felt the same, we…we slept together and the next morning it was nice. He made me breakfast, he kissed me a good few times, and it’s been like that ever since.”

Dr. Lee let out a small laugh, “Well, that’s good for you. It seems like you learned a lot since the last time we met.”

“Did you think it was wrong that we already slept together?” Ayeon asked with a frown.

She raised her brows, “Is that how you felt?”

“At first, kind of.”

“And now?”

Ayeon looked out the window, admiring the limited view, “Now, it feels inconsequential. It feels like we would be at the same place even if I hadn’t.”

Dr. Lee smiled, “That’s how relationships are, Ayeon. You might have some moments of insecurity and uncertainty, especially at first but this is such a big step for you to learn how dating and allowing someone into your life doesn’t have to be a threat.”

“We’re not dating.”

Dr. Lee blinked, “Oh…wait, I’m sorry I think I misunderstood, I thought you two were seeing each other, romantically.”

“We are.” Ayeon confirmed.

She nodded slowly, “But you’re not dating.”

“We haven’t gone on a date yet and we haven’t really talked about labels.” Ayeon’s stare was heavy on Dr. Lee, trying to read her face for an indicator that she had said something wrong.

Dr. Lee was good at scribbling on her note pad without breaking eye contact, “Would you like labels? Like boyfriend and girlfriend, for example.”

Ayeon shrugged, “I don’t know. What we have right now is good and maybe to ask for anything more would be too much, but I do think he would make a really nice boyfriend.”

“Why would you think it’d be too much?”

Ayeon pursed her lips, “I’m worried if I ask for too much and it’s not what he wants, then I’ll have screwed everything up.”

She tilted her head, “And he indicated that he doesn’t want more?”

“No, but it’s frightening to find out that he might not.”

Dr. Lee nodded, “We all thrive for acceptance and feeling like we belong with people. It’s scary to put yourself out there and find out that someone might not find that you’re worth to them what they’re worth to you.”

“Exactly.” Ayeon said, letting a breath out.

“But if this relationship is important to you, you need to be open to the fact that there could be something really valuable here. Something that could be really good for you if you allow yourself to ask for more when what you want is more.”

Ayeon let out a loud breath, “This feels like something I worry about in highschool.”

“Did you ask boys to be your boyfriend in highschool, Ayeon.” Dr. Lee asked.

Ayeon fell silent before looking away, “No, I guess I didn’t.”

“Don’t inundate yourself with this yet, just focus on embracing this part of a relationship, live in this moment with him. Learn to identify the differences between the relationship between you and him and the one between your mother and father.”

Dr. Lee knew that her duty should’ve been to fixate on Lucas’s murder and gauge Ayeon’s fitness with that trauma, but the mere fact that she welcomed a romantic relationship instead of allowing Lucas’s unrequited feelings for her guilt her into singlehood had to be a good sign.

“I’m trying, I know that my relationship with him before we started seeing each other was completely different than when mom was with dad.” She breathed out, “He never imposed anything on me and never tried to make me change.”

“Close your eyes.”

Ayeon looked at her, alarmed, “Why?”

“I think you chose and measure your words when someone’s watching you, so I want you to close your eyes.” She said, crossing her legs.

Ayeon stared her down, before sighing and closing her eyes, “Fine.”

“Tell me about your relationship with this man. Tell me how it makes you feel.” Her voice softened to soothe over her.

She knit her brows together, simmering over the thought, “I feel…appreciated. Like this is a person that sees me, like really sees me without me having to show him.”

“That’s nice, being seen.” Dr. Lee prodded.

Ayeon clenched her fingers together, “He knows when to push me and when to let me be. And the way that he talks to me, no man has ever spoken to me with that much kindness and affection. When I’m around him, I want to put my feelings in a bottle so that I can carry them around with me like a reminder.”

“A reminder of what?”

Ayeon opened her eyes, “A reminder that a man can make me feel these things without making me feel weak or overpowered.”

\-----

“What about Yoon Yuri?” Mina asked. Her and Ayeon were seated by the kitchen island, going down the list of transferred officers, trying to find them in the police database.

She shook her head, “Nope, I have nothing after she got transferred. None of these officers have public information on their reassignment.”

Mina stared hopelessly as the papers in front of her, “I wonder if they hid this information before I released the names or after to cover their tracks.”

“Good question. They hurt you before you can make connections, put you out of commission and then block files.” Ayeon considered. “Give me the last one.”

“Kim Dong Jae.”

Ayeon’s fingers flew over the keys before she sat up, “Kim Dong Jae, I’ve got nothing on him.”

“Great, so this was useless.” Mina muttered, tossing the page on the table.

Ayeon shook her head, “No, you don’t understand. I have absolutely _nothing_ on him. Not even his old precinct.”

Mina frowned, “Wait, nothing? Like no record of him ever being a police officer?”

Ayeon nodded, “Nothing shows up, maybe you spelled it wrong?”

“No, that’s not possible, I got this list directly.” Mina muttered, “Is that the only way to access personnel information?”

Ayeon shook her head, “Anything else would be in HR and they’re located like an hour away, but that doesn’t matter, if you’re a police officer, active or former, your name would show up on this database.”

“So…was he not an officer?” Mina asked.

Ayeon made a face, “It doesn’t make sense. Officers are the only ones whose transfers need to get approved by the Commissioner. Admin staff just need to go through HR.”

“What other reason is there for this guy to just vanish?” Mina pondered.

Ayeon racked her brain, “I don’t know. If he was on witness protection, it’d be possible but his name wouldn’t have been on this list at all.” Ayeon pressed her fists against her eyes for a second, “Okay, let’s try something else, let’s work with something we know. What do you remember about Kyung Gyu when you tracked him down?”

“Nothing important. He was with a few of his buddies, he likes cheap beer and when I implied that he was a goody two shoes, he got offended and that’s when he said that stuff about covering up a murder.” Mina said.

Ayeon chewed on her lip, “Do you remember anything else?”

“No, they were in their uniforms which I thought was weird.”

Ayeon shrugged, “Not really, they weren’t on duty and it’s a cop bar so people know not to say anything if they were.”

“That and oh! He was transferred about 5 years ago I think?”

Ayeon froze, “5 years? That’s when Ha—”

She fell silent, her mind racing as she tried to reel it back. She was getting carried away, coincidences happen often, all sorts of people get murdered but no matter what she tried to tell herself, the grim thought had already planted itself in her mind.

5 years ago, was when Haerin was murdered.

Murdered by someone her brother _swore_ was a police officer.

“What were you going to say?” Mina asked.

Ayeon snapped her head up, her hands trembling, “Nothing, just…just a theory, but it’s too far fetched right now. There are too many possibilities, we need more information. We need to find Officer Kyung Gyu.”

\-----

Jaehyun had a fascination with Ayeon’s smile.

Normally they were small, little flickers of her lips but other times, when she was relaxed enough, comfortable against her couch, she’d let out a beaming smile and it was like pure gold. It was like lightning exploding out of a bottle and it completely obliterated him every single time.

It started purely innocently, her balancing her laptop on her thighs, him stretched out next to her, thumbing pages of a good book on the couch. Yet somehow the serenity evaporated and turned into him splayed out lazily on his back, his one knee propped up, his book long abandoned with Ayeon on top of him, her mouth working galaxies onto his neck and his hands spelling poetry under her shirt.

Maybe it had more, to do with the fact that she let out that killer laugh and he just had to set her laptop on the table and pull her over him to hear that laugh again but in his mouth.

“I think you’re trying to ruin me.” His voice wavered.

She shoved herself up so that she hovered over him, her hair brushing against his shoulder, “And you think I’m still in one piece? You’re really fucking good at keeping your hands busy.”

He grinned, slowly pulling the guilty parties out from the depths of her shirt and brought them up to hold the hair out of her face, “I like keeping you on your toes.”

She let a laugh bubble in her throat before leaning down to kiss him. His hand moved down the curve of her back, just holding her when the alarm on her phone chimed.

“Oh, I gotta go.” She gasped out as she stood, “I don’t know why I couldn’t just spend my lunch break at your place.”

He stood with her, “I figured we needed equal time in both apartments.”

She glanced over at him with a frown, “The only reason I don’t drag you here every night is that it’s easier for you to wake up at 6AM and walk down the stairs to prep for opening and I can just bring clothes and walk 2 minutes to get to work.”

“I know, detective.” He said, amused at how serious she got.

“No, I’m not joking, I don’t want you thinking that I don’t bring you over here because I don’t want you here or something.”

He closed the gap and kissed her firmly on the mouth and she kissed him back naturally, she could swear that she would always kiss him back, no matter what she was doing or thinking, she'd always kiss him back.

He pulled away and cupped her face, “I don’t think that, sweetheart. You’re insanely thoughtful, but I don’t want you feeling like you’re sacrificing your comfort and home just to make life easier on me.”

She didn’t know how to tell him that _home_ was arbitrary to her. Home wasn’t where she lived, it was who she was around. Home was in Soya and Jinah’s apartment, it was in her old house across the city, it was in Soya’s mom’s apartment and now, it was with Jaehyun, at his shop, in his flat, it was just him.

“Weekends here, weekdays with you?” She offered, knowing he opened late on weekends.

“Deal.” He whispered before kissing her chin quickly before kissing her on the mouth again. Her apartment was nicer than his and it worried him that she might be sacrificing comfort by constantly sharing his small one with Triple.

When he pulled away, she didn’t step back and just caught her breath before coaxing him back into another kiss. And another. And another until he was mumbling against her mouth with a voice deep, coated with inappropriate intentions. “Call in late.”

She smiled and he swore that he nearly lost grip of his senses. She shook her head, their noses brushing back and forth, “From lunch? Can’t.”

“Please.” It was so breathy and desperate that suddenly her resolve was shaking, because it always sent a shock running through her body when the lovely, selfless man that squeezed her heart became fogged with need.

“I’ll make it worth your while.” He whispered wickedly.

She groaned in a way that made him reply with a dreamy sigh as he used his mouth to bring her back to the couch that was still warm and made sure, it was entirely worth her while.

\-----

Ayeon walked straight to Jaehyun's shop at the end of her shift and unlocked the front door long after closing, tired and in desperate need of being around him. It was hard to focus on work when her mind spun around her Haerin theory, but she was too scared to bring it up to him, not when she didn’t have any hard evidence to show him. She wasn’t going to give him false hope for closure until she knew the connection between Kyung Gyu’s cover-up and Haerin’s murder were real. 

“I thought someone was breaking in. Prettiest robber ever.”

She looked up at Jaehyun, who was seated by the counter with a calculator and pieces of paper spread out in front of him and a lazy smile on his lips.

“Wanted to see you before dinner.” She said, walking around him, “What are you up to?”

He grunted as she pulled up a stool next to him, “Going over the books, checking the monthly expenses. Basically, staring at numbers until they don't make sense.”

“Gross.” She pulled out her laptop and powered it on.

He hummed in agreement as she leaned her head against his shoulder, scrolling through Kyung Gyu’s file, looking at anything she could find about him from before he was transferred. His partner recently retired, and she considered the risks involved with reaching out to him, seeing if he knew where Kyung Gyu was. Maybe she’d get answers or maybe he’d just tell someone that a detective was snooping around.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaehyun murmured against her hair as he set his pencil down.

She glanced up at him, wishing she could run her theory by him without stinging him with pain. “I was just looking at that guy Mina met at the bar, I wanted to see if I could track him down.”

He gripped her thigh and turned her to face him, leaning close, “Tell me what you know, maybe you need fresh eyes.”

She slouched towards him, “Mina saw Officer Kyung Gyu in his uniform when he went to the bar. He didn’t bother changing.”

“Like he came straight from work.” He finished.

She nodded at him before typing on her laptop and clicked around before turning the screen to show him, “The bar was 2 blocks away from the 37th precinct.”

“You tracked one down.” He said with a raised brown, “What are you going to do with him?”

She frowned, “Nothing, he isn’t there now, he’s been transferred again.”

“He was transferred? Right after Mina met with him and told her that he helped cover up a murder?” Jaehyun pointed out, “Timing’s a bit weird, don’t you agree?”

Her eyes widened, “You’re saying that someone found out he talked to Mina?”

“And then Mina gets attacked when they realize that she hadn’t exposed the murder plot but still had the information in case she decided to release a follow-up. How does that sound?” He offered.

“Eerily possible.” She muttered. “We need to figure out where he is and what he knows.”

He twisted his face, “That’s where it gets hard.”

“He had a partner, he’s retired now.” She pointed out. “I could talk to him.”

Jaehyun thought quietly for a second, “You could ask him to get coffee, ask him for professional advice.”

“I don’t need advice from him.” She snorted.

He smiled, “I know, but I bet he’d be more willing to talk to a detective looking for advice than a detective interrogating him about his old partner.”

“That’s a good idea.” She mumbled, trailing her fingers over his hand on her thigh. 

The front door opened and the pair of them watched Jinah, Soya, and Mina walk in. Jaehyun raised his brows, “The gang’s all together. I think I have some leftover cupcakes in the back.”

“Your hair.” Ayeon blurted out as she stood.

Mina cautiously ran her fingers through the chestnut brown locks, “Yeah, what do you think?”

“It looks great but what’s with the drastic need for change?” Ayeon asked, reaching out over the counter to touch her hair.

“I thought the red hair stuck out too much after I was plastered on every news station. I nearly sobbed when I first saw it. I was red for like 6 years.” Mina said, shaking her head.

Jaehyun grinned as he set a plate of sweets on the counter, his fingers sliding down Ayeon’s spine, “You look beautiful, Mina.”

Soya grabbed a cupcake, biting into it, “I told her it makes her look younger. Like a college freshman.”

Mina made a face as Jinah laughed, “We thought we’d come by, see how everything’s going with Mina’s case and well…all the other shit.”

“It’s slow, right now. We’re just trying to track down someone who’s related to the transferred officers so we can learn _something_ useful.” Ayeon muttered, shutting her laptop. “And I’ve run out of leads for Mina’s case, not that we had many to start with.”

She tuned the conversation out as the three women launched into a conversation about theories and possibilities, all of which Ayeon had already thought of. Right now, speculation wasn’t going to be enough, not with how many things were connected together.

Ayeon leaned against the countertop, glancing at Jinah, Soya and Mina chatting together, the sight of it still left her feeling rattled but she brushed it off, moving her gaze to the numbers that Jaehyun was punching into a calculator.

“This looks like torture.” She muttered.

He scoffed, shaking his head while scratching a number onto a sheet of paper, “Never ever run your own business unless you truly hate yourself.”

She smiled at his grumbling, affectionately bumping her shoulder against his, “I’ll make some tea.”

He finally moved his gaze away from the dollar signs to catch her eyes, a smile flickering up his lips as he took her in, his eyes skimming over her face sweetly. She scrunched her face up in response before walking to the back. He glared at the spread sheets and expense reports that were making his eyes burn.

“Jaehyun where are the mugs?” Ayeon called from the back.

He chewed on his pencil, “I moved them to the cabinet, sweetheart.”

He could hear her shuffling around, “Found them, thanks.”

It was when he finally noticed that the shop had gotten very silent that he looked up to the three women who were just staring at him. “What’s going on?”

“Uh…that’s our question.” Mina worded out.

Ayeon walked over, raising her brows as she set a mug down in front of him, “What’s happening?”

Jinah narrowed her eyes, “Is this like some sort of an inside joke or…”

She took a sip, “What are you talking about?”

“Are you joking? He just called you ‘sweetheart’.” Soya balked.

Jaehyun fell silent, staring at his documents without actually reading anything in front of him. He knew that she hadn’t told any of her friends, he should’ve been more careful, he didn’t know when she wanted to let them know.

“Jaehyun and I are…” She paused, they hadn’t actually addressed what they were to each other, “…no longer friends.”

He fought back a smile, spinning his pencil with his fingers. Mina looked gobsmacked. “So, you’re…what? More than friends?”

“Yup.”

Jinah pressed the tips of her fingers against her forehead, “I’m sorry since when did the two of you become _more than friends_?”

“Pretty recently.” He said, trading his pencil for the mug Ayeon had given him.

Mina’s eyes widened, “Oh my god. The blind date. You spent the night at Jaehyun’s, that’s why you didn’t come home until the next morning. Holy shit, it happened then, didn’t it?”

Neither of them spoke but the look on their faces confirmed it. Jinah stared in disbelief, “You two are like…intimate?”

Ayeon recoiled at the word, her face twisting in distaste, “I’m sure there’s a better way to phrase that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to gross you out.” Jinah spat sarcastically, “I was too busy trying to keep up with all this information that you’re way too casual about.”

Mina clapped her hands together excitedly, “I want all the details.”

“Well, you’re not getting any.” Ayeon said with a glare.

Jaehyun just smiled, reaching for her hand behind the counter. She stiffened when his fingers first brushed hers before they slid through each other, locked tight.

Soya shook her head, “Wow, so you two are like really together.”

“That’s what it looks like.” Jaehyun murmured, pressing her hand against his thigh.

Soya’s blank face shifted as a sly smile curled up her lips, “Pay up, slags.”

Jinah and Mina grumbled under their breath, pulling their wallets out to hand bills over to Soya. Jaehyun and Ayeon straightened at the sight, “Did you guys bet on us?”

“Soya put you on the dumb blind date because she thought it would make Jaehyun jealous and he’d tell you how he felt.” Jinah muttered.

Ayeon snorted as Jaehyun rolled his eyes, “He wasn’t jealous at all.”

Mina looked confused, “Wait, he wasn’t? Then ho—”

“Oh my god.” Soya breathed out, “Did you tell him first?”

Ayeon face flushed as she looked away with a glare, “I think we should call it a day, Jaehyun needs to finish his paperwork and I’m tired.”

“My babyyyy.” Soya cooed, walking up to Ayeon to squeeze her cheeks, “I’m so proud of you, look at you, acknowledging your emotions.”

Ayeon groaned, pulling away, “Stop, please god, stop.”

“Wow.” Jinah breathed out, her smile soft and her eyes glazed over as she watched Jaehyun look up at Ayeon silently from his stool, with so much love. “I can’t believe the two of you actually happened.”

Mina smirked as she gathered her things, “I’m guessing Jinah doesn’t need to drive you home tonight since you seem to have a prior arrangement?”

Her smugness pricked at Ayeon, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m staying with you tonight.”

She could feel Jaehyun staring at her from the side of her eyes, this was new information to him. Mina pouted exaggeratedly, “No, stay with him, cuddle.”

“Oh? So that you can call Johnny and ask him to cuddle with you on _my_ couch? I think the fuck not.”

Soya’s eyes widened as she turned to Mina, “You and Johnny? Since when? What the fuck is happening around here? Why are all you straights getting together at the same time?”

Mina glared at Ayeon, ignoring Soya, “For your information, I’m sleeping in your guest room tonight, not your couch.”

“You’re just saying that because I already said I was spending the night.” She fired back with a scowl. “If I wasn’t, you’d invite Johnny over and stay up flirting, admit it.”

Mina narrowed her eyes, “You know what? We’re going to have sex on your couch, just to piss you off.”

“You wouldn’t be the first person.” Ayeon shot back with a smug grin.

Everyone’s eyes darted Jaehyun who just stared up at the ceiling, his ears blaring red as he remembered their long, _long_ lunch.

“I’m so glad I didn’t grow up with sisters.” Jinah muttered under her breath, watching Mina and Ayeon go at each other.

Soya clapped her hands together, breaking everyone’s focus, “It’s late and I think all of us are desperate for sleep.”

Mina stuck her tongue out at Ayeon who just rolled her eyes at her childishness, Jinah cleared her throat, “We’ll wait outside.”

Ayeon crossed her arms as everyone filed out of Jaehyun’s store. She went over to her table and began pulling her jacket on when she felt Jaehyun behind her. 

“So, I’m not getting you tonight?”

She huffed, pulling her hair out of her jacket and turning to him, “No, I’m sorry. I planned on spending the night but then I got competitive.”

He laughed, leaning his waist against the table so he could pull her in against him, “I like you, detective.”

“That should be a crime.” She muttered, smoothing her palm against his collar, her hand sliding down until it stopped at his heart.

Her eyes widened before they flickered up to meet his, “Your heart is beating so fast.”

His cheeks stained pink and she nearly caved at the sight, “Yeah, it tends to do that around you.”

“Wow, you really do like me.”

He smiled, leaning down to kiss her slowly, stealing her breath away. He kissed her like he wanted it to be the last thing on her lips so she would dream about him at night. He cupped her cheek, keeping the pressure soft and sweet, just an exchange between two lovers who didn’t know they were lovers. They lulled into a languid rhythm, before the sound of Mina yelling through the window, telling her to _hurry up_ , broke them apart.

“You’re out of breath.” He mumbled, licking his lips.

She gave him a dry look, “Yes, and what about it?”

“Looks like you like me too.” He whispered.

She paused, looking accosted before a timid smile flicked up her lips. She kissed the underside of his jaw before fully extracting herself from him, “Seems that way. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

\-----

It was agony.

He was exhausted beyond belief after he spent a few extra hours fighting with numbers before he decided to call it a night. But he was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, his brain not allowing him the sweet deliverance of sleep. He wished he could touch Ayeon right now, it was all he wanted, to bury his face against any part of her and pass out.

He wondered if this was his life now, just consumed with wanting Ayeon around all the time. He wasn’t complaining though because having a life with Ayeon was just too much for him to fathom. The sound of his phone buzzing provided him with the chance to distract himself.

His eyes flickered to his phone where Ayeon’s name flashed and blew out in relief. “Hi, detective.”

“I keep thinking about you.” She whispered. “It’s screwing heavily with my sleep schedule.”

He smiled grimly, his heart expanding, “I’m not in much better shape.”

“Really?” She exhaled out.

He laughed hoarsely, “It’s 2 AM and I answered your call on the first ring.”

She laughed quietly and he felt the type of euphoria that always washes over him when it involves her. “Well, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one.”

“I hope you realize that if a man is lucky enough to spend his nights with a woman like you, he’ll never be the same…I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.” He admitted and it wasn’t just because he shared nights with her, it was because she was a part of every aspect of his life. She was embedded there, so no matter what happened, he could never be the same man he was before he met her.

She let out a long-stuttered breath that wrecked his sanity, “Jaehyun, you’re just so—so, do you think I’ll ever be the same after you? It’s infuriating,”

He laughed, “Yeah, it is. At least we’re on the same boat, sweetheart.”

“If I came over now hypothetically what would we do?” Her voice fell low and flames engorged him from the inside out.

He matched her tone, something deep within his chest rumbling, “Whatever you’d want, sweetheart.”

“Fuck.” She hissed, “Johnny’s going to hate me when I call him this late.”

He grinned, “What if I come to you, instead? That way Johnny can have a full night’s rest for once.”

“With Mina staying with me? I don’t think so.” She snorted.

He rolled out of bed, pulling a sweater on before wandering into his bathroom to grab his toothbrush before checking on Triple. “Then we’ll just have to keep it to strictly G-Rated cuddling.”

“I could like that.” She mumbled.

He grabbed his keys and slipped out his door, “How’s that couch looking, by the way?”

“Just come over.”

\-----

She opened the door, breathing in his tired smile, one she could only reciprocate, “Come here.”

He groaned softly, falling into her outstretched arms, wondering if it was normal to feel complete just because he was with her. He pulled her tight, tucking his nose against her shoulder, breathing her in as they stood in her foyer, hugging. He dug his fingers into the soft cotton of her shirt, sinking into her scent.

“Do you want to come into my bedroom?” She mumbled, her mouth moving against the fabric of his sweater.

He let his lips drag against her neck but there was no burning lust, just something gentle and affectionate that sent butterflies spinning, “Really? I thought you wanted to cuddle.”

“I do.” She whispered, fingers running through his hair. “I just want you to hold me while I sleep.”

He paused, pulling away slightly and tipping her chin back, “Is everything okay?”

“Police bullcrap aside?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m great, honestly. I’m actually really happy.” She breathed, “It’s just that…no one’s ever held me while I fall asleep. Not even as a child. I just wanted…oh god, this is embarrassing, I don’t kn—”

He pulled away, cutting her off, taking her hand and drawing her towards the bedroom, his heart crooning for this phenomenal woman who fought bad guys and liked being held. He shucked his sweater to the floor and they both clambered in under the sheets, sighing as the soft material drifted over their bodies.

He pulled her in first, wrapping his arms around her so that she was comfortable against him. “Good?”

“Yeah.” She whispered, nuzzling closer to him.

God his heart couldn’t take her for much longer, “You’re going to end up sweating to death.”

“Mmm, what a way to go.” She murmured, her eyes growing heavy.

He replaced his response with a soft song that he hummed from the back of his throat, luring her to sleep, making sure not to let go of her the entire night.

And Ayeon slept peacefully, learning how it felt falling asleep in the arms of someone who would drop everything to be with you at 2 o’clock in the morning.

\-----

Ayeon and Jaehyun had snuck out of her room the next morning, fingers laced together when they found Mina curled up on her couch.

“I thought she was in your guest room, last night.” He whispered against Ayeon’s ear.

Ayeon stared at her, feeling a twinge of sadness towards the girl who had her entire life upended into the air because of her pursuit of justice. She turned to Jaehyun, pulling him close, “Let’s make her breakfast.”

He adored the kindness that burned in her, before leaning down to brush his lips against hers briefly, “I make some mean eggs.”

And that was how Mina woke to the smell of bacon and the warm sting of coffee wafting her up and poking her head out from behind the couch. She watched as Ayeon wrapped her arm around Jaehyun’s, leaning her head against his shoulder while she sipped from a mug and he flipped bacon on a pan.

“I really thought your coffee days were over.” He mumbled.

Ayeon snickered, pulling away, “You’ll never get me to give it up for good.”

Ayeon reached for the plate of bacon and held it out for him to dump the freshly cooked ones on, “Wait, is Mina vegetarian?”

Jaehyun gaped at her, “Are you kidding me? The bacon was your idea, detective.”

Mina smiled, warmth winding around her heart. She wondered if this was what it was like to have a family. To bicker at night and have breakfast together in the morning.

“I’m not a vegetarian.”

They looked up, their faces softening, “You’re up, come on, Jaehyun made breakfast.”

“You spent the night?” She asked, taking a seat.

Jaehyun bit down on his lower lip, “It might be a common occurrence.”

“I’m really happy.” Mina whispered.

Ayeon frowned, “Why?”

“I’m happy for the two of you.”

Ayeon narrowed her eyes, poking the eggs on her plate, “I’m happy for you too. Johnny, your career, all of it.”

“And I’m happy, that I get to be here with all of you.” Mina whispered. 

It was Jaehyun who looked away, a heavy weight hanging in his chest as Mina’s face warped into Haerin’s. In another universe, he’d be having breakfast with Ayeon and Haerin. He brought his gaze back as Ayeon’s fingers trailed across the back of his shoulder. Her eyes soft, like she knew where his mind had wandered to.

“We’re happy you’re here too.”

\-----

Ayeon tilted her computer screen away from the people behind her and slowly typed in Haerin’s name, wanting to look over her file again. She hit enter and watched the screen buffer, longer than she remembered it taking whenever she accessed it before.

She saw that look in Jaehyun’s eyes and she knew that she had to follow this lead, she had to look over Haerin’s case, line-by-line for anything that could link her murder to Kyung Gyu.

Her eyes widened as she stared at the screen in front her when it loaded, “What the hell?”

_There are 0 search results for “Jung Haerin Case #392”_

\-----

“You know you didn’t have to walk with me, right?” Mina quipped as Johnny trailed next to her, “The convenience store is down the street, you can see it from her window.”

He grinned, “I’m not taking any risks, plus, you wouldn’t let me buy your snacks for you.”

“Yeah, because I didn’t want to write out an embarrassingly long list of everything I wanted, instead you stood over my shoulder and watched me throw in two of everything.” She muttered.

His beam just grew as they made their way up, “I like a woman that can eat.”

Her throat dried but before she could come up with a witty reply, her phone chimed. Pulling it out, she glanced at the notification, her heart thudding. Swiping it open, her eyes drifted over the message four times to make sure she wasn’t misreading.

“Everything okay?” Johnny asked as he pushed the button for the elevator.

“Huh? Yeah.” She tucked her phone away, the message burning a hole in her device. “Just…tired.”

 _[LuckyStar88]_ _Good news? Yeah right. You thought that the last Commissioner was bad? This one is ten times worse._


	30. black-eyed susans

Here’s the thing, morals are good. Ethics are important. Principles are key.

But when you’re playing a rigged game using the rules of the original game, you’ll always lose. If you want to win, you need to change the rules, re-strategize and switch your objectives.

You don’t win a rigged game by playing fair.

You win by playing like a cheater. 

\-----

“Detective, it’ll be okay.” He said calmly.

She ground her teeth before kicking his garbage bin so hard that it ricocheted off the wall and flew back past her shoulder. Jaehyun didn’t flinch but he closed his eyes when the can tumbled to the ground, rolling away from her. “No! No, it’s not fucking okay. How can you say that it’ll be okay? They blocked Haerin’s file. It’s just _gone._ This wasn’t a mistake or some computer glitch. This is _fucked_.”

He slowly moved around the counter, nearing her before reaching out to touch her but she dodged his grasp, shaking her head, “Why aren’t you furious? This is _Haerin’s casefile._ ”

Her body was shaking and the vein on the side of her neck that he loved to kiss was throbbing dangerously, “Sweetheart, I need you to take deep breaths.”

“No!” The scream was louder and more frantic, “They’re covering this up, worse than they did before. This new Commissioner, he must’ve ordered the higher clearance because I was able to look at the file before but the minute he’s in office, nothing about her death shows up. They just erased it like it didn’t happen. Like she didn’t die. I can’t access it now, I can’t, I can’t _do_ anything about it. I can’t help her, and I can’t find who—”

He pressed his face against her neck first before the palms of his hands smoothed out under her ribs and pulled her towards him, tucking her against his chest. Her breaths came out in short, hysteric bursts, shaking in his arms, “I’m not furious because this is exactly the type of stuff that I expected. This doesn’t surprise me, it’s what I dealt with for years and I didn’t expect it to be any different.”

She frowned, pushed him back, “We thought the interim Commissioner would be a good change, you said so yourself. How are you so accepting of all of this?”

“I’m not accepting!” His voice boomed, bouncing off of the corners of the room before it reached her. Her eyes were wide, her heart sunk to her stomach. She had never heard him raise his voice before.

She took a step back and he froze, alarmed. He stretched his hand out nervously towards her, “I’m sorry. I’m not angry at you, I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“If you’re not accepting than why aren’t you freaking out?” She asked, reaching her own hand out to hold his.

“I’m just…I’m not accepting of this and I am freaked out but I’m also fucking _tired,_ detective. I’m tired of being let down, I’m tried of thinking that I can actually find Haerin some justice and I’m tired of getting beat down by this system over and over again. There are only so many things you can do before you realize that you’ll be getting the same outcomes each time and insanity is just doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Frankly, it doesn’t surprise me that her file is suddenly hidden, that it’s suddenly ten times harder to find out the truth or that one rotten Commissioner is being replaced with another. I’ve seen it happen before and I knew it would just happen again.” He said simply.

“This is not okay.” She spat out, “This is not fair, not to you or Haerin. I didn’t team up with Mina to take that old rat bastard down just for another one to make it even harder. This is not how this was supposed to end up.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, “What were you even doing with Haerin’s file in the first place?”

“I made a promise to your sister and I keep my fucking promises.” She growled out.

He looked at her, confused, “When did you ever speak to my sister?”

“At her grave. I promised I would figure out who killed her but if I can’t look at the evidence, then there’s nothing I can do for her and I don’t accept that as an option.” Ayeon muttered out.

He let out a long breath before cupping her cheeks, “Sweetheart, you didn’t have to do that, you know it’s not your responsibility or your burden. You do not have to take this on yourself. I would never put that on you. Ever.”

“Jaehyun.” She breathed out.

He smiled and her breath caught in her throat when she watched tears glaze over his eyes, “Detective, you’re so important to me but you’re selfless almost to a fault. You always take responsibility, even for things that are out of your control. This is one of those things.”

“You’re right, but I’m not going to stop fighting for her, Jaehyun.” She ground out.

He pressed his forehead against hers, “Ayeon.”

“I’m not doing this because of my saviour complex or my personal baggage, not this time.” She said, meeting his soft gaze with her own angry one.

He looked unsettled, “Then why?”

“Because _you_ are important to me, and it kills me to see you hurt so much because someone else keeps putting roadblocks in your way hoping to burn you out. You don’t deserve this, no one does.” She reached a palm up, stroking it down his face to brush away tears that he didn’t know spilled down his cheek. “And I want to try to bring some sort of peace to Haerin because that’s what _she_ deserves.”

He felt hopeless, he wanted to stop her before her spirits get crushed as well because he knew the walls he hit in his search for the truth, the same ones that Jinah hit as well.

“I desperately wish I could talk you out of this.” He whispered to her, “This case has taken so many people from me, I don’t want you to be one.”

“I’m not, nothing is taking me away from you.” She replied.

He looked unsure, “I don’t want you resenting me when this case drains you of everything.”

She brushed her lips against his softly, “This is my choice, I’m not going to hold anything against you for it.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked in resignation.

She nodded, “I made a promise.”

He carefully tucked her hair behind her ear, “Okay. For Haerin.”

She dug her fingers into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, “I have the address of the people who witnesses that police car take your sister. I’m going to go back there after work, I’m not asking you to come with me, but this is Haerin, so you should know where I’m going.”

He stared at the note in her hand, sadness creeping over him as he thought about his little sister whom he loved so much. She was his entire life; he spoiled her silly and didn’t think he could ever love someone as purely and honestly as he did Haerin. He took the note of her hands and stared down at it.

“I’m coming with you.”

Her eyes widened, “Are you…sure?”

“If you believe in solving this, then I’ll believe it too.” He whispered.

\-----

“I’ll close early and meet you out front.” Jaehyun spoke quickly into the phone as Ayeon entered the precinct after leaving his shop earlier that day to go out to interview on a case.

She signed in, wedging her phone against her cheek, “Jaehyun, I’m sorry if this is hurting you.”

“I feel better than when we first talked about it, at least I get to do it around you, you’re like a painkiller.” He murmured.

She smiled slowly, “I’m sorry I kicked your garbage can.”

“Yeah!” He quipped, “It’s basically caved in. You really punted that thing.”

She groaned, “I’ll replace it.”

“It feels nice.” He said quietly, “That you care so much, that you don’t want to give up on her. I’m really lucky to have you.”

“I dream about you.”

There was a pause. “Wait what did you say?”

Ayeon’s eyes widened, her words had slipped out of her mouth in an aggressive blurt, “Um…I need to go, bye.”

Hitting the red button, Ayeon ended the call, shoving her phone into her pocket, her cheeks burning. She walked up to her desk, her steps slowing when she spied the large white box sitting on top of her files, addressed to her. Her breathing was loud in her ears when she noticed all the officers around her, watching her closely, stopping mid-conversation to stare at her and her desk.

She wasn’t one to typically get mysterious packages delivered to her. Her worst fears swirled in her mind of its contents. It could be a box of maggots, a severed pig’s head, hell, she wouldn’t be surprised if it was a live bomb. It had all the makings of a horrible prank made to humiliate her in front of everyone.

Her hand trembled as she flicked the box open, revealing what was inside.

“What?” She murmured, leaning over to take in the rows and rows of beautifully decorated cupcakes. It took a moment before she realized that these were the exact same cupcakes that Jaehyun had made and offered to Jinah, Mina and Soya.

Her fingers grazed the enveloped taped to the lid and peeled it off to read the handwritten note inside.

_I hear cops like doughnuts, I thought these were classier._

_-Jaehyun_

Her lips twitched up and a flush stained her cheeks as she re-traced his penmanship. Schooling her expression into one of blank impassivity, she looked up, bracing herself against everyone’s gazes. She looked back down at the box, realizing why he sent someone who typically strayed away from sweets dozens of cupcakes.

Clearing her throat, she smiled slightly, “I have cupcakes, I’m going to leave it in the breakroom, please feel free to take some.”

“Where’d you get cupcakes?” Daemin asked, incredulously.

From the man she constantly longed to be with, “A friend with a talent for baking.”

A snort caught her attention and she glanced across the room where Soya was covering her mouth with a file, her eyes curved up in a smile, exposing her role in this surprise gift. Maintaining a tense smile, she carried the box of treats in her arms and walked quickly over to her friend.

“You, me at Maison. _Now_.”

\-----

She was going to scream when Soya and Jaehyun leaned against each other, trying to stifle their laughs as she paced back and forth in front of them, ranting. They didn’t need to know how the sight of Jaehyun smiling sent her heart soaring and filled her with more joy than her body could handle.

“I’m sorry? Do you both think that this is cute? I find it slightly repulsive that my best friend and my boyfriend think it’s “charming” to send me cupcakes at work.” She snapped. “You realize how I needed to lie through my teeth so that they thought this was something completely normal for a platonic friend to do? I cannot believe this.”

Their faces changed immediately, Soya’s melting into a giddy smile and Jaehyun’s softened, his lips parting almost in shock. She blinked at them before scowling, “Whatever your faces are doing, make it stop.”

Soya stood up with a grin, dusting her hands dramatically, “My work here is done.”

“And what exactly did you do other than annoy me?” Ayeon hissed as Soya blew kisses at the both of them, leaving them alone in the shop.

She turned and narrowed her eyes at Jaehyun, “Well?”

He tilted his head and a confused hiccup spread through her chest, “I’m sorry, as your _boyfriend_ I should’ve been more careful.”

Her brows furrowed, “What?”

“I thought it’d be nice to get you cupcakes for your coworkers to soften on you, but as your _boyfriend,_ I should’ve asked you in advance.” His smile grew slowly that it almost felt erotic.

Her face flushed, “Why do you keep using that word?”

He squinted his eyes at her “You’re the one who used it first.”

She fell silent, her eyes darting back and forth as she trekked back through her words. She leaned back, shocked that she’d even dare to utter the forbidden phrase, after being so careful, “Well, in that case I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to use it. I don’t want to make this complicated. We hadn’t discussed labels.”

He watched her carefully, inspecting the panic, “Ayeon.”

She had no inclination to listen to him. She had to do damage control, stop him before he distanced himself away from her foolish slip-up, “We’re both adults, sex and spending time in the same room together doesn’t constitute a relationship. We’re not attached. We can see other people, be with other people and it’s fine.”

He waited until she took a breath before speaking up, “There aren’t other people, at least not for me. For me, it’s only ever going to be you.”

A silence fell as she gawked at him, those words were weighing heavy in her heart, the implication sending flickering flames down her veins, “I see.”

He was always so fucking balanced, even when he was met with her silence, a silence that would’ve made a lesser man insecure. He just smiled and stood up, “Just something you should know.”

He walked up to her and let his fingers trail up her neck before leaning down, drawing her in and kissing her, she took a sharp breath and kissed him back slowly and in a way that drove him absolutely up a wall. He licked into her mouth, his hands quickly skimming across her body until she was fairly riled up before pulling away.

“Noted about the cupcakes though.” He mumbled against her mouth with a grin before stepping back. “Hurry back, sweetheart, or you’ll be late. I’ll see you after closing.”

\-----

Boy friend.

Boy-friend.

Boyfriend.

BOYFRIEND.

Ayeon kept repeating the words in her head until they sounded bizarre to her. She shoved a cupcake into her mouth, in a trance.

She called him her boyfriend.

And he implied that he would be okay with that.

She never had a _boyfriend_ before.

So now what?

Of all the things she had to deal with right now, having a boyfriend seemed like a lot, but then again, having Jaehyun as her boyfriend would be something else. Something that could mess her up in all the right ways. Suddenly she paused, mid-bite when it dawned on her.

He said that he wasn’t seeing other people, that there was no one else for him.

But she didn’t say it back. Did he think that she was willing to see other people?

What the hell was she doing, wasting her time, letting her lack of response fester into a boiling wound, allowing him to believe that she didn’t care about him, that she didn’t feel the same way. She couldn’t sit still; she couldn’t wait another second. She tossed the rest of the cupcake in the sink and raced out of the precinct, taking the stairs two steps at a time, charging across the street until she burst through the doors of Jaehyun’s shop.

He looked shocked, his eyes widened but before he could ask, she was already blurting out her feelings, “I’m not seeing anyone either.” Jaehyun gaped at her and she cleared her throat in response, “Other than you.”

He paused before speaking calmly, “Okay.”

“I…I don’t want to see anyone else, either.”

He watched her face melt into a look of apprehension and uncertainty before propping his chin on his palm and tilting his head playfully, “Detective Yoo Ayeon, will you be my girlfriend?”

Her heart lurched before it scattered through her body in happy little sparks before playing it off. She had never had a boy ask her to be his girlfriend and she never liked a boy so much that hearing that question out loud would make her feel like an excited schoolgirl, “We’re not in grade school.”

“You haven’t answered my grade school level question, detective.” He cooed, amusement sparkling in his eyes.

She rolled her shoulders back and kept her head up, her gaze even and challenging, “I’ll be your girlfriend if you agree to be my boyfriend.”

“You drive a hard bargain, sweetheart, but I think I can make that happen.” He rose from his seat, coming around to take her in his arms.

She bit back her smile, slowly letting her fingers dance up his arms before looping around his neck, her first boyfriend. “My boyfriend.”

He took in a sharp breath before pressing his lips to hers, letting her push him against his workbench, their bodies insistently moving in tandem with each other.

“You should know.” She mumbled against his mouth, “I’m not good at dating.”

His fingers trailed down her cheek, “You’ve been doing phenomenally thus far.”

She pulled away, looking into his eyes, “Except until now, I didn’t think we were dating. Now that I do, I won’t be good at it.”

“How do you know when it hasn’t even been 5 minutes since I asked you out.”

“Jaehyun—”

He shook his head, cutting her off, “Just be the way you are, that’s all I need. You don’t even know how magnificent you are, how caring you are but I do. I don’t want anything else.”

Overwhelmed, she kissed him hard with her palms smoothing over his face as she rolled little fantasies into his mouth. If he said that he wanted her just that way she was, he’d get it. He’d get the cautionary approach to their relationship, he’d the get the self-doubt, the panic, the walls sky-high, and he’d have to deal with it.

Because she wasn’t running, not anymore.

She bit down on his lower lip, her eyes barely peeling open to smile smugly as she pulled it back before letting go. He gripped the edge of her desk with his one hand and wound the other tightly around her waist before slurring into her mouth, “Jump.”

He used her momentum before swiftly lifting her up onto the table and yanking her hips forward to meet his. He had girlfriends before, but he never felt this _alive_ simply by cementing the title, it was invigorating, to have something so permanent with her. To know that she was in it for however long they had together.

“Here?” She mumbled, her nerve endings sparking when he leaned her flat against the table, hooking her leg around his waist, his grip ardent.

He hummed and shoved her jacket off her shoulders with his other hand, “Here.”

\-----

Nerves filled the car as the pair of them buckled in after they spent the rest of their day in a trance, counting down the seconds before they could clock out. They weren’t sure where this trip was going to leave them, if it would hurt or help them, or maybe both. Saying anything felt like a jinx.

It was a type of anticipation with undertones of throat gripping anxiety.

She was typing the addressing into the GPS when she noticed that Jaehyun had fallen silent. She glanced over at him and noticed him staring at the screen, eyes locked on the location like he was in a trance, sent back in time when he drove into the town himself, young and trembling, believing he could bring his sister’s killer to justice. Ayeon dropped her hand before reaching out, thumbing his lip.

“I’m gonna start calling you _darling_.” She suggested.

He blinked at her as she started up the car, she was kind for trying to distract him, he needed it, “I like it, it’s old fashion.”

She nodded with a small laugh, a silly sense of giddiness bubbling in her that side-tracked from the demon they’d be tackling in a few short hours.

“What was that dream?” He mused.

“What dream?” She asked distractedly as she pulled onto the highway.

He smiled a little, turning his head to look at her, “You said you dream about me. What was the dream about?”

“Jaehyun, spare me my last shred of dignity.” She muttered.

He laughed tiredly, reaching for her hand. She dropped her right hand off the wheel and into his, lacing their fingers together, “Then let me tell you about mine, first.”

“You have dreams about me?” She balked, glancing at him from the side of her eye.

He held their hands up to his lips, letting it skim the veins lining the back of hers, “All the time. They vary, from scenes of me between your legs or us cuddling by the beach.’

She hummed, her lips quirking, “I like these dreams, darling.”

“My favourite dreams are the ones where you walk into my shop, except I don’t know who you are, I don’t recognize you, but my first thought is, _that woman is the key to my destruction and I want her to ruin me_.” The last part came out as a rasp that sent shivers down her spine.

She tightened her grip on the wheel, “Why is that your favourite?”

“Because it reinforces the notion that if I saw you in another universe, I would instinctively know that you were the one for me.” He said matter-a-factly.

She bit down on her lip so hard that it stung before speaking, “I dream about you looking at me. That’s all I dream about. I dream in montages of the way your face looks every time you spot me in a room.”

“How do I look at you?” He whispered.

She gulped, looking over at him, “Like a fucking flower blooming.”

\-----

By the time they pulled up to the small house by the water, the sun was on its descent and Jaehyun had become quieter and his body highly strung.

They sat in the car for a moment, just staring at the door.

“The lights are on.” He mumbled. “They’re home.”

She nodded slowly, taking a deep breath, “You know, they probably are going to say the exact same thing that they did the second time you went to them.”

“I know.” He said.

She brushed her thumb against his knuckles, “We can turn right back around and come back another time.”

“No, if I don’t do this now, I might not ever get the courage to do it again.” He whispered.

She nodded and they let go of their hands to step out of the car and walk to the front door. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

Ayeon reached out, knocking firmly on the door and waited. A few seconds passed before a shadow crossed past the frosted glass and opened the door a fraction, a brass chain acting as security.

“Yes?”

Ayeon stared at the aged woman, her hair in a wiry bun and a cardigan pulled tightly over her thin shoulders.

“Hi, I’m Detective Yoo with the Seoul Police Department and this is—”

“Jung Jaehyun.” The woman whispered, her eyes trembling, “Yo-You’re back.”

His face hardened over as he gave her a terse nod, “Yes ma’am.”

“We have some questions about the disappearance of Jung Haerin, I understand you’ve already spoken to investigators, but we just wanted to go over some facts. You said that you saw a police car pull up next to Haerin from your window.” She asked, her eyes boring into the woman.

She frowned, her eyes glancing towards Jaehyun, “I told the investigators that we didn’t see anything.”

“Why would you tell Jaehyun that you saw a police officer? Seems like a specific thing to confuse.” Ayeon posited while her eyes roamed over the woman’s shoulder, looking into the house.

“We saw a flash of light and just assumed when we saw a car drive by.” The woman stuttered out.

Ayeon tilted her head, “So you admit to seeing a car?”

The woman’s eyes widened, gulping as her grip on the door tightened, “Look, we just want to live a qui—”

“What flash of light?”

Ayeon and the woman looked over at Jaehyun whose jaw tightened, “You never mentioned a flash of light before.”

“I-I just assumed it was lightning.”

Ayeon narrowed her eyes into a glare, “I wasn’t raining or thundering.”

The woman gulped, “How would you know? It was 5 years ago.”

“It’s called a police report.” Ayeon fired back, “But let’s play this game, it was raining, and you saw this girl walking without an umbrella? Just casually strolling late at night in the middle of a thunderstorm?” 

The woman ducked further behind the door, “I don’t need to answer your questions unless you have that legal paper.”

She went to close the door but Ayeon jammed her foot in the gap, “One last question, where did your daughter get the Polaroid camera?”

Jaehyun looked at her, confused but the woman nervously glanced behind her where a door stood, covered in polaroid images of a young girl, “She found it, the lens was cracked.”

“5 years ago?” Ayeon asked.

The woman looked at Jaehyun whose face was ashen. “Yes.”

“I never found my polaroid camera that Haerin would borrow. I had to get a new one. I thought…I just thought she lost it.” Jaehyun whispered.

The woman’s eyes filled with tears as she shook her head, “I didn’t know she found it until the police came by, asking us about that night.”

“And that was after you already told Jaehyun about what you had seen.”

The woman nodded, “I realized that camera was that girl’s and that the police officers were trying to get us to say that we didn’t a police car come by.”

“What makes you think that?” Ayeon asked.

The woman covered her mouth at the memory, “They kept correcting us when we mentioned the car. They kept saying that we must’ve meant that it sounded like a car. You have to understand, there aren’t many people who live here, if the police wanted us to say that all we saw was the girl walking by our house, then we didn’t have a choice but to agree.”

“Do you remember what those officers looked like?” Ayeon asked.

The woman walked away from the door, towards the kitchen before pulling something off of the fridge and walking over with it, “After we agreed to change our story, they gave us this, said if we ever needed anything, they’d help.”

Ayeon took the worn-out business card and read the name on it.

_Detective Lee Kyung Gyu_

“Great.” Ayeon muttered, handing it to Jaehyun.

His breathing became frantic and he quickly handed the card back to Ayeon and turned, walking back to the car.

“Do you still have the camera?” Ayeon asked, glancing back at Jaehyun in concern.

The woman shook her head, “My daughter broke it last year.”

“Where did she say that she found it, anyways?” Ayeon asked.

The woman looked at her feet, shame on her face, “The same place we saw that girl get into the car.”

Ayeon let out a scoff and the woman looked at her, pleadingly, “You have to understand, we were terrified, we knew what we did was wrong but we didn’t want our lives to be endangered because speaking up against one police officer meant that—”

“You’d be speaking up against the entire police force.” Ayeon finished, slight sympathy in her tone.

The woman nodded frantically, “I’m sorry for and to the girl. Our entire family is, but I have this.”

The woman reached into the drawer of the table next to the door and shuffled around before handing her a small tube, “It’s the film that was in the camera when my daughter found it. I didn’t know what to do with it, so I just hung onto it. Please take it.” 

Ayeon took it, the weight burning in her palm, “Thank you.”

“Please don’t tell anyone what I’ve told you.” The woman pleaded.

Ayeon couldn’t make that promise, “You said you saw red paint on their taillight.”

“Yes, it was strange, it was the back light, it made the lights darker, it’s all I remembered, I didn’t look at the license plate or anything else.”

She nodded, “And your daughter, did she see anything?”

“I asked her, I swear. Before I learned that the police were pressuring us, I drilled her with questions, asking her if she saw anything when she took the camera, but she said there was nothing.” Her voice shook, “I don’t think that girl got into that car willingly. I think maybe she was pulled in.”

Ayeon closed her fist around the film and dug into her pocket to pull out her business card, “If you remember anything, please call me. Please.”

The woman took the card and looked down her driveway at Jaehyun, “He will never forgive me.”

Ayeon didn’t think Jaehyun would ever forgive that woman and her family. He was selfless and merciful but she didn’t believe that his good will would stretch that thin, not after years of never getting the answers he needed.

“Have a good night.” Ayeon murmured before turning back and walking down the driveway to where Jaehyun stood, his back to her.

She reached out, touching his shoulder and he turned, his eyes red from crying but his face dry of all evidence. It twisted her heart, “Mina talked to him. You touched him. He was so close.”

“I know and we have no idea where he is now.” She whispered. “I’ll talk to his partner tomorrow, maybe I can get something out of him.”

Jaehyun shivered and when she went to unwrap her scarf, he stopped her and just pulled her towards him. He grabbed the ends of her scarf and pressed it against his face, soaking in the warmth of the fabric and the richness of her scent on it.

“He had to know who did it. He wouldn’t have covered it up if he didn’t know.” Jaehyun mumbled against the wool. 

She just nodded, watching him break. She held out the roll of film, making him lift his face, “This was in her camera. It might be the last pictures she took. There might be some selfies in there. You should develop it, see if there’s something you want to keep.”

His fingers shook as he took the tube from her and pocketed it. He’d be seeing some of the last beautiful things she saw, and it would just be the reminder of the grim, dark reality that kept him up at night.

The last thing his sister actually saw before she died was her murderer.

\-----

He was silent the entire drive.

Not a word, not a shift in his seat, not even a loud breath.

At a certain point, Ayeon checked to see if he had fallen asleep, but he was seated up straight, his eyes pinned forward at the dark road, only illuminated by her headlights. It looked like the scene of a horror movie where something would jump out for a cheap scare.

She couldn’t find it in herself to break his daze. She had been in a few herself, typically in the presence of her father and while some people thought that it was a silence of sadness, it was actually a silence she’d create to hide in. It was her safe space where she could block out the pain.

She believed Jaehyun was in his own, trying to figure out what to do with the new information that still left them with more questions. When she pulled up to the shop, Jaehyun didn’t move for a full 5 minutes before dragging his feet out of the door.

“Do you want me to spend the night?” She asked quietly.

He pulled his gaze up to finally look at her, his eyes vacant, “I think I need to be alone.”

“Okay.” She whispered thickly.

He closed the door and walked around the car. She rolled down the window and called out to him, “Goodnight, darling.”

He looked at her, his eyes alien and his smile hollow, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

\-----

Ayeon held her breath as she drove to her apartment, feeling empty and terrified. She never wanted him to relive his pain and trauma, she should’ve been more adamant that he not come with her.

A burst of anger hit her, as she thought of Kyung Gyu, someone completely at ease with his crimes that he had the absurdity to use them as pickup lines. She wished she gave his skull a harder smack against the counter. The more she thought about him, the more murderous she felt.

Her phone started ringing when she was halfway home, Jaehyun’s name flashing frantically at her.

She reached to answer it so quickly that she nearly declined the call by accident, “Jaehyun?”

His broken sob hit her so fast and hard that she took a sharp U-turn, indifferent to the traffic around her, speeding back in the direction that she had just come from.

“Fuck, fuck.” He whispered, out of breath. “Please, don’t let me be alone tonight.”

She pressed down on the acceleration, her own tears blurring her eyes, the lump in her throat swelling, “I’m coming, wait for me.” 


	31. asphodels

When she made it to his apartment, the door was unlocked, and he was seated on his couch. Triple looked over at her, and she smiled slightly to herself, it was like the little feline was watching over him until she made it here.

She dropped her belongings on the counter, kicked her shoes off and climbed onto the couch, crossing her legs before pulling Jaehyun against her. “I’m sorry.”

He didn’t speak, but he closed his eyes, his body sagging limply against her. Minutes ticked by before he finally spoke, his words slow and his voice scratchy, “I don’t know why I thought it would be fine being back there.”

She ran her fingers methodically through his hair as he leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling, “I thought I’d be stronger than this by now.”

“Okay.” She leaned over him, bracing her hands on either side of his head so she could stare into his eyes, “You want to know what real strength is? It’s waking up every morning and getting out of bed after your sister was brutally murdered. It’s working across the street from the police precinct when you’re sure one of them killed her. It’s fighting for her, every day, even as years pass by. It’s finding something from within that allows you to continue living your life even though sometimes it feels like your entire world has stopped. That’s what real strength is, and you’re going to have to do a lot more to convince me that it’s something you don’t have.”

Jaehyun’s eyes were wide and his lips were parted, stunned before he leaned up to kiss her and soon, she was on her back and he was hovering over her, moving his mouth against hers to a beat of a song that the two of them could hear in their minds. He dragged his hips against hers surreptitiously as his mouth moved headily with hers, it was everything she could want, the most delicious onslaught she’d ever experienced as he inched her shirt up.

Surprisingly, it was Ayeon who pulled away first, holding him back with the palms of her hands trying not to look at his lips because they were a siren song of their own, dragging her to her demise, “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I don’t think we should, tonight.”

He caught his breath and stared at her, confusion filtering his gaze. She touched his face before shaking her head, “I just want to be next to you tonight. I just want to be…here.”

He sat back on his knees and took her hand, pulling her up so that they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. “I’m sorry today was so hard.”

He shook his head, “I’m sorry I’m making you deal with this.”

“We could go back and forth like this all day, apologizing.” She mused, bumping her shoulder with his.

He smiled slightly, taking her hand and staring at it closely. He touched each finger, squeezing them one at a time, lingering on her ring finger in deep thought.

“I like to think that she was looking at the ocean before she died.” He said under his breath. “Thinking she saw anything else is unbearable.”

Ayeon laced their fingers together and leaned her head against his shoulder, “I bet it was beautiful. I bet the last thing she saw was beautiful.”

\-----

She contacted Kyung Gyu’s partner late at night when Jaehyun was passed out next to her, but anger and adrenaline kept her awake. He had replied quickly the next morning, citing a date and place for them to meet, ending the email off with how he had heard so much about her and was more than happy to chat.

Ayeon shifted in her chair as she sat by the window of a small café, across from retired officer, Yook Sun Do, trying to pretend that the long and in-depth history of his career was remotely interesting to her.

“After spending 30 years in homicide I finally moved to Robbery which was a lot better because that sort of shit doesn’t give you nightmares, let me tell you.” He chortled.

Ayeon’s cheeks were sore from the smiling, “And that’s where you spent your years left before retirement?”

“Yup, it was a cake walk, a nice way to spend my last golden years on the force.” Shaking his head in disbelief, “I can’t believe I spent 40 years in uniform.”

She took a sip of her drink, “Did you ever want to be a detective?”

“For a while, when I first started, but I realized that it wasn’t something I liked. If I thought being a homicide police officer gave me nightmares, being a detective was worse. Tell me I’m wrong, in all the years you spent as a detective, didn’t some of it fuck you up?” He asked.

Ayeon blinked, hearing his words for the first time, “I mean, sure, but that feeling fades when the person responsible for the horrific things I’ve seen is brought to justice.”

“You’re young, your track record for cases might be good now but eventually you’ll face one that will shake your faith in your badge to the core, I’ve met many detectives like that.”

“Did you ever face one as an officer?” She asked quietly.

He stared at his mug before shaking his head, “Not exactly, but sometimes you notice things that shake your faith.”

“I guess it’s easier with a partner, huh?” She casually mentioned.

He gave her a grim smile, “I’m sorry about yours. I heard it all over the news.”

“He wasn’t my partner.” She corrected stiffly.

The man just smiled sympathetically, “But he was that night.”

“And how did your partner handle your retirement? Was it hard for him to see you go?” She diverted the topic quickly, she wasn’t here to analyze her partnership with Lucas.

He clucked his tongue, “He wasn’t there for it, he was transferred long before I finally kicked it.”

She blinked, feigning surprise, “Oh really? Where’d he transfer to?”

“I don’t really remember, he sorta left without a word.” He said, shaking his head, “I guess he must’ve put in a transfer request or something. After all that time working together, you’d think he’d give me a heads up.”

Fuck.

This was a waste of time.

“Sometimes you can do everything as a mentor and still fail.” He said tiredly.

She frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Not everyone is cut out for this work, Detective Yoo. Some crumble from seeing the true depravity of humankind, others let the power of the badge give them a God-complex like they have the power to decide who lives, who dies and who rots behind bars. But there are some people, who just see this job as a means to an end.” He said forlornly.

“What does that mean?” She asked, leaning forward.

Sadness flashed in his eyes, “Just because I’m no longer with the force, I’d never turn my back on an officer but I can say that some people only become police officers so they can be protected when they commit crimes.”

“Wh—”

He stood, dusting himself off and gave her a firm smile, “I’m glad I could offer you some advice, Detective. After hearing so much about you, it’s an honor to meet you in person but I ask that you don’t reach out to me anymore. I’d like to retire in peace.”

\-----

“Hiya darling.” Ayeon sang when she answered Jaehyun’s call. She spent her day lazily running errands and cleaning her apartment, catching up on things that she had been too occupied to do with everything else on her plate. Cleaning, doing groceries, making plans with her friends, it all kept her mind off of Yook Sun Do’s haunting words and the reminder that she was no closer to finding the one person who she could actually tie to Haerin’s murder.

She had her feet up on her coffee table, her arms stretched over her head, her tense muscles unwinding. Jaehyun had the uncanniest ability to just melt every bone and tendon in her body with his voice, it’d wipe her mind clean out.

“Hey sweetheart, my heater is broken.” He murmured.

She frowned, glancing out the window at the quivering branches of the trees, “Really? It’s freezing, do you have a backup generator? I can lend you some space heaters.”

“Or you could just come over.”

Her eyes widened and little sparks electrified her cheeks, “Wh—do you want me to come with the space heaters?”

He hummed lowly, “No. You could come over and keep me warm yourself.”

She flinched when liquid fire spilled down her veins. She let out a breathy laugh before closing her eyes and tilting her head back, flushed with the type of butterflies that only he could illicit, “And how would I go about keeping you warm?”

“I could make us tea and we can wrap ourselves in layers of blankets together and cuddle.” His voice was already a kindling fervor.

“And there’s a new nature documentary out.” She whispered.

He groaned, “Tea, blankets, a nature documentary and you in my arms. Sweetheart, please tell me you’re already on your way.”

Her laugh bubbled through before she stood up, grabbing extra blankets and searching for a space heater she had packed away somewhere, “I’m coming over.”

He met her at the door with a kiss, she sighed against his mouth and slowly wound her arms around his neck pulling him near until he touched her cheek. She reeled back and stared at him taking in his reddened cheeks and nose, “You’re freezing.”

“Hmm so let’s hurry and cuddle.” He mumbled against her mouth, kissing her again while closing the door behind her and pulling her towards the little nest he had made of blankets and pillows and thick fuzzy socks.

It was utter bliss.

She was going to be forever grateful that she came over. She was leaning against Jaehyun’s chest, seated between his legs with thick comforters cloaking the two of them on the couch. She had a steaming cup of tea in her hand as she rested her head against his neck. He had slipped a hand under her shirt, palming her stomach while burying his face against her hair.

The pair of them watched the documentary in a comforting silence except for the steady hum of the space heater she had demanded be plugged in, “I think this is quite literally what heaven must feel like.” He whispered in her ear.

She hummed, reaching under her shirt to trail the tip of her fingers down the veins on the back of his hand. She could feel her eyes grow heavy to the rhythm of his heartbeat and breathing, “Oh, heaven has nothing on you, darling.”

“You almost sound like you’re flirting with me.” He mused, watching the grand waterfall being shown on the tv.

She hummed, twisting her body so she could bury herself closer against him, “To be clear, I _am_ flirting with you, I’m quite good at it.”

“I like who I am when I’m with you.” He whispered it, almost like he didn’t think she’d hear him. He leaned down and kissed her, moving his hand from under her shirt to cup the side of her face, pulling her close before pulling back.

“Thank you for coming over.” His lips brushed against hers as he spoke.

“Of course, how could I turn down an offer to cuddle?” She said with a little laugh.

He shook his head, “No, I meant the other night.”

Her smile fell as she drank the sincerity in like a woman stranded on a beach, parched, “If you think, for a second, I wouldn’t come running the minute you call for me, you’re an idiot.”

“I hope you know I’d do the same in the blink of an eye.” He sighed.

She touched him like a piece of delicate glass, “I know, you would. You have. Many times.”

“I’ve had a lot of nights like that night.” He admitted, “A lot of nights feeling helpless and empty thinking about Haerin. Missing her.”

She pushed herself off his chest and sat up, crossing her legs to face him. He was still laying on his back and reached out to tug the blanket tightly over her shoulders. He took a shaking breath, “But last night was the first time I spent a night like that with someone next to me.”

Ayeon ran her hand down his chest and he smiled, “It hurt less with you there with me.”

“Really?” Half the word got trapped in her throat.

He took her hand and gently kissed her wrist. “Yeah. It was still hard, and it still hurt but I didn’t feel like drowning for once.”

The emotions burning inside her were too much and dangerous words were threatening to leave her mouth, she could feel it. So, instead, she hugged him, holding him near and floating in the comfort of his scent. If only he knew how much of a life raft, he was to her.

“I’ll always be here for you.” She mouthed against the skin of his neck.

She pulled back and his eyes held something so beautiful that she just stared like an observer at a museum, “And I’ll always be here for you.”

His face softened, his expression radiating warmth and just as he leaned towards her with a kiss, her phone rang, the shrillness breaking them out of their trance. Sighing, Ayeon glanced at Jinah’s name before answering it reluctantly.

“Hello?”

“Ayeon, I wanted you to hear it from me, first.” Jinah said quietly like she didn’t want anyone to hear.

Ayeon’s body stiffened, Jaehyun could feel the tension forming under his hands as he let her go so, she could sit up properly, “What’s going on?”

“They’ve finally arrested Delco, he’s in holding.”

\-----

She walked into holding, taking measured steps towards the cell where a man in a light blue jumpsuit sat, hands laced together, head hung low. It felt surreal seeing him up close, the man who sent her spiralling.

It was dreamlike, she never thought he’d ever be found, it was in his business to disappear into thin air. Now he was seated in front of her, separated by iron bars, like a caged dog. The man who killed Lucas. The gatekeeper to her own personal hell.

“Delco, what a sight for sore eyes.” Ayeon voice was cold, detached, like a robot.

He looked up from his sad little bench, squinting his eyes at her before the recognition flooded his face, “I could say the same, the last I saw you; you were on the ground bleeding out next to that partner of yours. I was hoping the both of you would be dead, looks like you bounced back just fine.”

Ayeon ground her teeth, “Yeah, I did. My _partner_ wasn’t so lucky. That makes you a cop killer. So, I’m going to have fun with you.”

“A cop killer, now that’s a new one.” He mocked, standing up to walk towards hers.

Ayeon held her hands behind her back to hide the shaking, “You killed an innocent officer. You added first-degree murder to a drug charge just to avoid being arrested but look at how you ended up. Still arrested and you’ll probably be murdered before you even make it to trial.”

“Hang on.” He said with an amused laugh, “You _really_ think I killed that cop?”

She narrowed her eyes, “Last I checked, it was only the three of us in that room.”

“Wow, okay, do you know how long the cops have been trying to take me down? _Decades_. I’ve dealt with undercover cops trying to infiltrate my organization, I’ve dealt with police stings and police tracking our movements. I’m no stranger to dealing with your kind, but want to know the reason why I never got caught all those years? Because I’m fucking smart. I know better than to kill a cop.”

“Always a first for everything.” She hissed out.

He scoffed, “Oh yeah? You think I’d risk everything just to shoot at two detectives to get away? I’ve escaped from worse without the bloodshed.”

“Okay, so the bullet just magically rained down on me and my partner?” She spat out sardonically.

He glared at her, “Did you even look at that case after you got shot? I bet there were bullet casings all over the scene and I guarantee that none of them were from any of my weapons. They seized all of them, so you can double check.”

“You think I’d believe you? It could’ve easily been one of your men or a gun that was different than your MO, just in case you ever needed to throw us off your scent. If you think I’m gonna run off with a lie you’re feeding me, you’d be wrong.” She susurrated.

He grinned, “You sound a little unhinged. Just my type. But I’m sorry, lady. I didn’t kill that cop. I don’t know how many times I gotta say it.”

“Why did you do it, huh? Why couldn’t you just escape without murdering a cop?” She barked.

His cocky grin evaporated and was replaced with a snarl. He slammed his fist against the bars, and they groaned in response, he glowered at her from under his lashes, “I didn’t murder that fucking cop. It wasn’t one of my men either. You think I’d lie about that? I’d wear that shit like a fucking neon sign. I’d want the world to know I put down a pig. So, detective dearest, someone else killed that buddy of yours and you let them get away with it. How’s that feel?”

“The man who killed him is behind bars, I feel _fucking_ fantastic.” She spat back.

He paused, staring at her curiously before a knowing look passed his face, “You don’t believe yourself. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You’re not here to gloat, you’re here to dig. You want me to admit it, own up to it so that you can sleep at night knowing that there was nothing more you could’ve done to stop it. Bad news, lady, because I didn’t do it.”

Her heart was hammering, “You don’t have enough goodwill with me to get me to believe you.”

“How about this?” He leaned forward and it took everything in her not to reel back, “Why would I shoot that cop when the both of you didn’t even see me? That bullet is what gave my location away. Why would I do that when I almost made a clean getaway?”

That…that made sense.

It wasn’t until bullet was fired that she had noticed Delco running.

Her eyes darted across his face, scanning for telltale signs of deceit, and horror filled her core when she couldn’t detect anything. No matter how hard she tired, or how badly she wanted to find _any_ indication, she saw nothing but the truth. Which could only mean one thing.

Delco didn’t kill Lucas. Someone else did.

And she had been wrong this entire time.

\-----

“Hey, how are you doing?”

Jaehyun looked up from over an extravagant arrangement he was working on and caught Ayeon by the door, “A lot better, thanks for asking. I still haven’t done anything with that roll of film, but I think the storm has passed for the time being. Oh, and the heater’s fixed now too. Is everything okay with work? You left in a hurry.”

“Um…yeah, it was nothing, everything’s okay, everything’s totally fine.” She said as she slid her trembling hands in her pocket.

His hands hovered over a bucket of peonies as his eyes darted to her. He wasn’t used to hearing that tone from her. He stepped around the counter and approached her cautiously, “Ayeon, what’s wrong?”

She looked at him, her eyes fluttering nervously, “They finally found Delco. They arrested him last night.”

“Why do I know that nam—oh wait isn’t he the guy who…wow.” His eyes were wide as he took in the information.

She nodded, swallowing a lump down her throat, “I went to see him.”

Jaehyun did a double take, “You did?”

“Yeah.” She mouthed.

He touched her cheek, “Are you okay? What did he say?”

“I—I no. I’m not okay, this is severely not okay.” She hiccupped.

“It must’ve been hard facing the man that killed Lucas.” He whispered.

She ran her fingers through her hair, pushing it away from her face, “But that’s the thing, it _was_ hard at first but then…something weird happened.”

“What?” He knit his brows together. “Weird how?”

“He said he didn’t kill Lucas.”

God, it still sent shivers down her spine.

“Isn’t that what any man would say if he was accused of killing a cop?” Jaehyun said.

She nodded, “That’s what I thought at first but there was something about his face when he said it, I hate to admit this, but I actually believe him. And-And I just checked the ballistic evidence from the shooting and none of the casings found were from the guns that Delco dealt in.”

“What does this mean?”

“The bullet that hit Lucas was fired first. After it was fired, I saw Delco, before that, we didn’t see him trying to escape. Why would he alert us when trying to escape?” She said.

Jaehyun crossed his arms, “You really think someone else did this?”

“I don’t know, what I do know is that when I think back to that night, I don’t actually remember seeing Delco point a gun, I just heard the bullet ring out and Lucas collapse. Then I ran to him and I got shot, and Delco ran out before the back-up showed up a little while after and I passed out.” Ayeon chewed on her lip, “Realistically, there is a fraction of a possibility that someone else shot at us.”

“Do you know who that could even be?” He asked.

She shook her head, “No and it’s fucking me up because I was there! I lived this moment but now I’m realizing that I may have seen this entire thing absolutely wrong.”

“This…this is huge, Ayeon.” Jaehyun breathed out, “This changes everything you and everyone investigating his case thought happened.”

“I know. I’m freaking out.” She stepped closer to him so that he could drag his fingers over her arm calmingly, “So, look, if Delco isn’t lying, then someone else killed Lucas but no one else knew what we were doing. No one knew Lucas was with me, he tagged along after I had called it in, so no one knew to come after him.”

“What if it was someone working for Delco, one of the men on his side that was giving him cover while he escaped?” He offered up.

She looked unconvinced, “It’s possible but there was no proof that anyone else was at the scene. The police caught the rest of his gang. He was on his own.”

“There has to be an explanation.” Jaehyun said firmly. He tried his best to be grounded, to keep his tone even like the entire revelation wasn’t scaring him.

She took a deep breath, “I think there is and it’s not a good one.”

Jaehyun raised his brows, “What is it?”

“If we’re to believe that the person who fired those shots did it on purpose, with the intent to kill, it changes my perspective. When we thought it was Delco, we assumed that he was just shooting to escape and that Lucas and I were just casualties of his wild shooting spree. But if it was someone who used Delco as a decoy to mask a targeted hit, I think it’s worth remembering that Lucas died standing a few feet away from me. And I was the only one who called dispatch.”

“Wait, what are you saying?” He growled out, his eyes shooting lasers.

“I’m saying that what if that bullet was meant for me and not Lucas? That would explain why I got shot in the shoulder after he was down. The shooter probably would’ve aimed for my head once I collapsed but that’s when back up came. It must’ve spooked them. They probably were expecting me to come on my own if they heard it on the police scanner and anyone can mimic that frequency if they found the right equipment.” She was talking so quickly that she was getting a little dizzy.

“So, what you’re saying is that you think someone was trying to kill you, but Lucas got in the way.” His voice cracked.

“Yeah.” She whispered.

Jaehyun’s eyes glazed over, “That means, we shouldn’t be asking why someone would kill Lucas, but why someone would kill you.”

“Except there is no reason for someone to kill me unless it was an escaped criminal that I put away but that hasn’t happened. And no one I put away has been released recently.” She said frantically.

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes, “Are you sure about that?”

“Meaning?”

He shrugged helplessly, “Your precinct hasn't really been acting with your best interests at heart recently, is it possible someone’s not sharing information with you, just to piss you off? Just to put you in danger?”

“God, you’re right. That is possible.” She groaned pressed her hands to her face.

Jaehyun followed her as she began pacing, “You need to tell Jinah and Soya.”

“Fuck, with this and Haerin and all the other dumb shit I’ve had to deal with, it’s like my mind is in 10 different places at once.” She muttered. “I don’t want to add this to the list of things I have to worry about.”

His heart wanted to explode for her, to wash over her with the emotion that he had tried so, so hard to keep a lid on for all the time that he had known her, but he could only watch her in a trance as his mind raced off without his consent.

“I don’t know anymore. I can’t tell if I’m making this all up, like a crazed conspiracy theorist or if this is actually a very real threat to me.” Ayeon groaned, holding her head, “It’s just all a mess.”

“Well, it’s about to get worse.” He mumbled as he came to terms with what he was about to say.

Because if their theory was correct and someone was actively trying to kill her, even before Lucas died, then life was way too fucking short. If Lucas didn’t jump in front of that bullet, she would be dead right now. He would’ve gone his entire life not knowing her. The thought was unbearable now that she had made herself a home in his heart.

And it was entirely possible that the next time someone lined a shot up at Ayeon, there might not be anyone there to push her out of the crosshairs.

She could die, so easily.

And it was in that moment that he realized that she could die before he ever told her how he _really_ felt.

Ayeon snorted, lifting her head to look at him, “How could it possibly get any worse than this?”

“I love you.”

It was a pin drop silence, his words echoing sharply across the room.

She stared at him; the shock so transparent in her face that it made him wince. “What are you talking about?”

He didn’t smile, this wasn’t a calculated risk. This was a foolish risk but one he was willing to take, “I think I loved you before you showed up to my apartment drenched in rainwater looking like every nightmare I’ve ever had. I think I loved you when I realized that I’m better when I’m with you. I’m braver, stronger, more courageous when you’re next to me. My life feels happier even when I have to face things that make it harder. I think we are good together. I think we match.”

“Stop.” She whispered, her eyes lined with tears.

He smiled finally. “I don’t want to scare you off. Although it might be too late for that. I kept it to myself all this time because I know this entire thing is new and terrifying and you have your own relationship with love. But I want a chance to show you that we can make love work. That this thing— “He pointed between them— “is honest and-and real.”

Silence fell and he fought back the nausea in his gut, “You don’t have to love me back, Ayeon. I just want you to know that I’m in love with you because it keeps me up at night and it’s the best thing that’s happened to me in a scarily long time. I can live my life knowing that what you feel for me might be less than love, but I can’t live my life pretending I don’t love you.”

He knew he was rambling, to cover the fear that came with this silence, fear that she’d fill it with heartbreak. He was normally good with her silence and he was even better at matching her pace since they had only made their relationship official a day ago, but things had drastically changed, and he was becoming more aware of her mortality.

A bullet could graze her, a knife could sink into her, a car could careen into her. She could die, not dissimilar to Haerin, just vanishing out of his grasp with words he desperately wished he could say while she was still around to hear him.

He couldn’t live with himself if it happened again. 

But perhaps silence would be better than the anxiety that flashed across her face before she turned on her heel and ran out of his shop without a word.

\-----

“You can’t go in there! She’s with a patient!”

Ayeon blew straight past the receptionist and shoved the door to Dr. Lee’s office open, nearly careening face first into the floor. Both Dr. Lee and her patient looked up at her in shock.

“Detective Yoo? What are you doing here? I’m with a patient right now, we don’t have an appointment.” Dr. Lee shot out, slowly standing.

Ayeon’s hands were shaking, as she began pacing back and forth, “I need to talk to you now. I _have_ to.”

“Detecti—” She sighed before looking at her patient that was watching them in confusion, “I’m sorry, we should reschedule, I’ll have my receptionist call you.”

He nodded before scurrying out of the room. She sighed before closing the door, “This is a bit unorthodox, but you’re here now and you wanted to talk so please, take a seat.”

“N-No, I can’t sit still, this is too much, and I feel like passing out. If I don’t stop moving my brain will go into overdrive and I will _fucking_ lose it. When I start thinking about it, fixating on it, my brain just goes in 15 million directions and my heart starts to pound but not in the good way, you know? More in the _I think I’m having a stroke_ way.” Ayeon’s voice went up a pitch in a panicked shriek. “I thought—I thought I could handle everything I was juggling, but this is breaking me.”

Dr. Lee held out her hands, “Okay, okay. Why don’t do you tell me why you’re here? Let’s start there.”

“He said he loved me.” The words sounded so strange on her tongue. She never dared say them out loud before. _He_ loved _me_.

Dr. Lee blinked at her, taking a moment to track her words, “He lov—Oh! The man you’re seeing? Ayeon, that’s such good news. I’m so happy for you. How does that make you fe—”

“No.” Ayeon panted out, her breathing laboured and her eyes burning with tears, “Not him, well yes him too but that’s not who I’m talking about.”

Dr. Lee looked confused, “Then who?”

“Lucas. Before he died, Lucas told me he loved me.”


	32. lycoris radiatas

_His lips hitched and if blood wasn’t gushing out of the side of his face, she imagined it was a smile and the thought of that made the sickness move up faster. His fingers twitched, his lips formed words, and tears filled her eyes as she kept shaking him in the foolish hope that it would revive him._

_“I love you.”_

_His eyes shifted over her shoulder and she saw them widen but had no time to react when a bullet pierced through her shoulder, sending her to the ground with a scream of agony lodged in her throat. Her breathing was short and desperate as she tried to navigate through the pain, but her eyes stayed on Lucas as he smiled at her, his lips moving again, repeating what he had said earlier._

_“I…love…you.”_

_It was a nightmare._

“How—How could he do that? How could he waste his last breath saying something like that to me?” Ayeon asked desperately.

Dr. Lee didn’t know where pain ended with Ayeon, if it ever will, “Ayeon…was he the only man who ever said those words to you?”

“Yes.” Ayeon whimpered as she dropped to the floor. “And he died.”

Dr. Lee sighed, standing before crouching down next to Ayeon, “He didn’t die because he loved you.”

“He wouldn’t have come along with me if he didn’t love me.” She muttered.

Dr. Lee gently put an arm around her, “Or, he was just being a good detective, and good detectives know that going out alone without backup is not protocol.”

“What if he died for me?” She gasped.

She tilted her head, “We’ll never know the answer those kinds of questions, Ayeon.”

“He barely even knew me. How could he say he loved me?” She muttered.

She smiled, “Because you are someone worthy of love.”

Ayeon just stared at the carpet in a daze, “Even on your deathbed?”

“You said that the man you’re seeing said it too. Did he?” She diverted.

“He’s my boyfriend now.” Ayeon muttered, “My—fuck my fucking boyfriend told me he loved me.”

Dr. Lee was silent, adjusting her glasses before speaking, “You think he’s going to die for you because he said he loves you.”

“Love is a strong emotion. One I can’t control or what people in love would want to do.” Ayeon said.

Dr.Lee shook her head, “Then don’t control it, Ayeon. Let yourself be loved.”

“No, you don’t understand. My dad loved my mom more than she did and he abused her. Lucas loved me more than I did, and he died. What if Jaehyun loves me more than I love him and something bad happens?”

“You just said you love him.” Dr. Lee said pointing at her.

Ayeon froze and she stared at Dr. Lee in shock, “I—I don’t know if this is love, if what I _feel_ is love. But I think I’m going down that road and I’m panicking.”

“So, you _just_ admitted out loud for the first time that you might love him, how do you know if it’s more or less? Love isn’t measured on a balance scale, love just exists. It’s not transactional.”

“What if I’m the problem?” She whispered out.

She reached out to touch her, “You’re not a problem. Love is a terrifying thing at every stage. At first, it’s terrifying because you don’t know if it’s mutual, but once you know, it’s terrifying that so much of your happiness and satisfaction is reliant on this one person that could disappear for various reasons. Your reason is death, but everyone you love isn’t going to leave you.” 

“They won’t leave me.”

“No, they won’t and they won’t mistreat you either. You’ve built something important and mutual with this man, he will respect what you need and want and be there for you throughout it.” Dr. Lee said.

Ayeon nodded her head, “I need this to get better because I want to be in a place to say it back.”

“It will. Because love is scary but it’s also so beautiful, to share your life with someone and to give and receive so much care. What happened to Lucas will not be forgotten and his words can’t be taken back, but love isn’t death, it’s trust.”

\-----

His heart wasn’t broken, but it felt stalled. Like the beats were on pause.

Jaehyun didn’t expect her to say that she loved him but seeing her run away with fear in her eyes crushed him. He never wanted to be someone that she ran from. He always wanted to be the person she ran towards. He didn’t regret telling her how he felt but he regretted not thinking more about how it would make her feel. How it would scare her.

Fuck.

Frustrated with himself, he left his shop, Haerin’s film roll tightly in his hand until he stood in front of a small photography studio, one that still worked with film.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

He looked up, his eyes skimming over the cashier’s name tag _Sicheng_. “Hi, I need these developed, as soon as possible.”

Sicheng pushed his glasses up and lifted the tube inspecting it carefully, “Huh, they don’t really make these nowadays.”

“Can you still do it?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah, but it might take some time, I need to order some specific chemicals to develop these. The ones we use now would just burn straight through it.”

He nodded, “Do whatever you need to. I’ll pay for it. Just call me as _soon_ as you’re done.”

Jaehyun knew that the second he held the pictures in his hands that he wouldn’t be able to open and look at them, but he needed to know he had them in his hands.

Sicheng nodded and did a little salute that Jaehyun would’ve found charming if it was any other day, “You got it.”

“Thanks.” Jaehyun muttered before walking away.

\-----

Ayeon had wandered around the city in a daze, trying to sort her thoughts until she ended up back at the precinct, long after everyone had left. She was pretty sure that the destination she wanted was Jaehyun’s shop but before she could get close enough, she freaked out and detoured.

Sitting by her desk, she glanced at _COCKTEASE_ and felt something rise in her, grabbing a marker off her desk, she fisted it and scribbled over the word until it was just a black square. Even when the words were hidden, she kept stabbing the marker on it until it ran out of ink. She whipped it across the room and ran her fingers through her hair. Ayeon spun in her chair, staring at the ceiling until she used her heel to stop herself.

Her gaze landed on Lucas’s desk and felt overwhelmed with emotion, remembering him sitting there and the few times she’d look over, he’d look away, pretending that he hadn’t been watching her. Standing, she walked over to his desk and slowly sat down. She looked at the flowers and trinkets spread out in front of her and lifted a small bear.

A small smile crept up her lips when she thumbed over the sun that was stitched onto its stomach. He was a sun. Shining, bright, warm. That was him. Setting the bear back down, her hand brushed his mouse and suddenly his computer came to life. She flinched when the screen blinded her gaze and blinked a few times.

_Password_

She stared at the screen, realizing that no one had wiped his computer yet or deactivated his account. She couldn’t explain what compelled her to try typing something in.

_Lucas Huang_

**INCORRECT**

_Wong Yuk Hei_

**INCORRECT**

_Huang Xu—_

“He’s a cop, he wouldn’t just use his name.” She muttered to herself before moving her fingers faster than her conscious could tell her to stop.

_Sunshine_

**INCORRECT**

_LifeIsFleeting_

**INCORRECT**

Her fingers shook as she typed in another password, one she prayed was would be wrong.

_YooAyeon_

**INCORRECT**

Letting out a breath of relief, she decided she had enough and doing this was insane but before she could fully turn away, one last attempt crossed her mind. Turning back to the computer, she posed her fingers.

_ILoveYou_

**WELCOME HUANG LUCAS**

“Oh my god.” She whispered as his screen loaded.

She stared at his desktop; files organized by name. Her mind was racing as she tried to take all of it in at once. She didn’t know what she wanted from his computer she had just wanted to see if she could get in. She looked up from his desk and stared at where she would normally be seated. He had a perfect view of her.

He would type _I Love You_ into his computer every time he’d have to log on and she’d be in his peripheral.

Looking back at his computer, she clicked on one of the files and frowned when it was password protected. She tried a few but none worked. She went to click on another file and another and another, but they were all passworded.

It wasn’t until she clicked a file labeled LKG that she understood why all his other files were protected. There were pictures and pictures of a police officer shaking hands with different known and wanted criminals, in one, a paper bag was exchanged. Her eyes widened as she clicked through each one, all the photos looked like they were taken across the street or hiding behind a wall.

She squinted at one picture where the officer’s face was the clearest, he looked fam—

LKG

Lee Kyung Gyu

She took a sharp breath and leaned closer to the screen, looking over each picture. Lucas was following Kyung Gyu who meeting up with known criminals, exchanging money and pleasantries. He was a dirty cop and Lucas knew about it.

The pictures were timestamped from months and months before Lucas was killed. She leaned back in his chair in thought. It didn’t make sense, these images gave a motive to kill Lucas, not her. If Kyung Gyu killed, or help kill, Lucas for the sake of these images, how would they have known he was with her that night? And was the cover-up Lucas _and_ Haerin? Or did he kill one and cover up another?

She didn't know, none of it made sense, it felt like she had all the pieces but the image on the box didn't match up with what she was looking at. All she knew was that Kyung Gyu was at the heart of it. She had to find him. 

Closing her eyes, she began reframing the time she spent knowing Lucas. He wasn’t just the happy go lucky cop that charmed the guns out of everyone’s holster and who flirted with her because he loved her.

He was like her.

He was doing everything she was trying to do now. He was tracking and stocking information to expose people within the police force that moved in corruption, who only became a police officer because _the ends justified the means_. He was dedicated, careful, smart, he was a good cop.

A smile worked up her lips as she leaned back in his chair and stared at the screen. For the first time, a knot unwound in her chest when she thought of Lucas. He was not just a good cop, he was an outstanding cop because when he was doing this, she was living in a fairytale where she thought there was justice and ethics within the force.

And he did it all alone.

She felt proud, knowing that he was on her team, that he followed her into the Delco site. She was proud that he was willing to do something so dangerous and risky for the sake of the greater good. She minimized the window and looked at the names of the other files. They were all initials, but some she didn’t recognize, but it didn’t matter when every file was encrypted.

She opened Kyung Gyu’s file again and continued clicking until there was one of him by his desk. She did a double take and zoomed in the background, her heart strumming in excitement. By the watercooler in the back was Taeil and Doyoung, Jinah’s friends, which meant that at some point, Kyung Gyu worked in Negotiations. Jinah had said that Taeil was high up in the organization, it was possible that he knew where Kyung Gyu was now, even though the photo was from a while ago.

She had a lead.

She used her phone and took pictures of the screen before logging of, leaving everything in its place.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she stared at all the love decorating his desk.

She picked up the little stuffed sun bear and held it up to her face, “I’m sorry. I wish I let you tell me how you felt normally, like over drinks or coffee. And we could’ve talked it out, maybe we would’ve been friends. Like best friends. I would’ve set you up with a nice girl and you would’ve been happy with someone else. And you’d be alive. I’m sorry.”

Hugging the bear she closed her eyes, her heart despite the pain, felt like it was being pieced together, “I’m sorry. I miss you. I’m sad you’re gone. You deserve to be here. B-But I’m proud of you, Huang, you’re an amazing person. I’m lucky to have enforced the law and carry out justice with you.” 

\-----

It was 6AM when Ayeon left the precinct to come home, she called in a few sick days and hoped that spending the rest of the day in bed sleeping off the emotional hangover would somehow build up the courage she needed to face her own issues. She knew she was avoiding Jaehyun on purpose, finding every reason under the sun to be too busy to stop by his shop or go over after closing.

And it only made her feel worse because going to his shop was one of the few things that relieved her.

She rubbed her knuckles against her forehead, she could feel a headache creeping as she dug her keys out of her purse. She lifted her head and her feet stuttered when she found Jaehyun leaning against her front door, watching her.

She dropped her hands to her sides and walked up to him with a cautious smile, “Hi.”

“You worried me.” He said quietly. “You looked so panicked and you ran so fast. I was scared something bad happened when you didn’t come back. Your friends didn’t know where you were either.”

She nodded, “I’m sorry. I did panic. I got scared when you said _that_ to me.”

“When I said I love you.”

“Yeah.” She breathed out. “I’ve only ever heard that once from a man. And it was right before he died.”

His eyes widened, she could see it click behind his eyes.

“You were right. This is new to me. And love never ended well in my experience. It always seemed more like a trap. I thought that everything would be fine as long as you didn’t love me because if you didn’t then what we were doing didn’t really matter.” She said, her voice coated in thickness. “No one could get hurt because no one was in love. I could justify the restlessness I felt when I wasn’t near you. I could explain away the feeling I got whenever you touched me or smiled at me like you did to no one else. I didn’t need to justify the giddiness in my stomach whenever anyone called me your girlfriend. I was allowed to be in this relationship as long as you didn’t love me. Because then I didn’t need to worry that something bad would happen to us.”

She smiled weakly, “You love me and as happy as that makes me, it also scares me.”

“Ayeon I’m so sorry.” He whispered back, reaching out to touch her. “Fuck. You must’ve been so overwhelmed. I’m so sorry, I was selfish.”

She shook her head, meeting his hand halfway, “No, don’t apologize, you weren’t selfish. I just need some time to get there on my own because I know that you’re the one for me, I just need to figure my own shit out first.”

“I was telling the truth when I said that you don’t need to say it back to me for me to be happy, Ayeon. I’m glad I got to tell you how I feel. I can wait however long you need. I just—I just need you to not run away from me when things get too much. If something freaks you out, tell me, we can work on it together. We’re a team you don't need to deal with your emotions alone.” He said.

“Okay, I promise.” She said, her eyes glazing over when he reached up to run his hand through his hair. “I just keep thinking that if I push too much you’ll give up and leave.”

“I won’t.” His eyes hardened over with conviction as he took a step towards her, “I’m not going to give up and leave unless you tell me to. I want this relationship to work and I want to be with you for a long time so, I’m going to wait every step of the way for us to be on the same page. I’m not going anywhere.”

She could taste the love on her tongue, and it was so heavenly that she didn’t think anything could compare, “Is it going to be hard to be around me, now? Do you need some space?”

“No.” He whispered. “That’s the last thing I want from you.”

She smiled and walked into his arms, letting him wrap her up. She was lucky to have someone who didn’t expect her to overcome her problems quickly. He understood her heart and that her hesitation wasn’t the same as rejection. It was quite the opposite; it was wanting to accept him and everything he offered her but being too scared of getting hurt.

“Thank you.” She mumbled.

He brushed the curve of her neck with his lips, breathing her skin in, “Take your time sweetheart, I’ll always be here waiting.”

\-----

Jaehyun was silent while Ayeon told him about what Lucas had confessed to her and how it fucked with her head in a way that she couldn’t quite put into words. She kept talking and talking, words spilling out of her mouth sometimes in irrelevant and random sentences until she had fallen asleep on Jaehyun.

He was up, a few hours later, it was barely the middle of the day and fussed over her stove, his mind in deep thought. It felt like Ayeon never caught a break, she never allowed herself to make a decision without taking in consideration of dozens of people’s feelings. She would drop everything to fight for someone or something she cared for.

He loved her for that raw strength, but it was almost like she challenged herself to see how much pain she could withstand before she’d break. He wished he could be there for her in the way that she always made herself available for him. He didn’t just want to unravel her body, he wanted to unravel her mind.

Ayeon stared at his back, broad, solid, a wall. Warmth pooled in her stomach at the sight of him. She kept her footsteps soft until she stood right behind him. A lesser man wouldn’t have heard her coming but he did. He still kept silent as she slipped her arms around his chest and brushed her lips against her neck.

Now that surprised him.

He let out a stuttering breath and immediately sunk back against her. She kissed his neck again, smiling against his skin before groaning, “You smell so good.”

“Are you trying to get me to burn your apartment down?” He scolded in false annoyance.

She smiled again squeezing him harder, “Absolutely. I have the fire department on speed-dial.”

She slid her hands down his chest, biting her lip as she let one hand slip into his sweats and linger at the waistband. His body flinched violently and the spatula in his hand tumbled to the ground as a sharp gasp escaped his lips.

“Detective.” He warned through his clenched teeth, “Tread carefully.” 

She pressed her face against his shoulder blade before digging her teeth playfully into his back. He moved faster, switching off the stove before spinning and grabbing her by the waist with one hand and by the wrist with the other. He carefully extracted her hand from his pants before kissing her square on the mouth, making her loop her arms around his neck in delight.

“Hello.” She laughed against his mouth when he sunk his fingers into her hair, pulling her flush against him.

He groaned against her mouth, “It’s too early for this.”

“It’s mid-day.” She smiled, rolling her tongue into his, her fingers roughing through his strands, pulling on them until a low sound rumbled in his throat.

“Well, isn’t this _fun_.”

Ayeon’s body stiffened before she reeled herself away from Jaehyun and spun to look at her front door where her mother stood, sunglasses dangling off of her fingers with disgust on her face.

“Mama…”

“Last time I was here you were with that man denying any sort of relationship with him. I guess I’ve missed a lot.”

Ayeon could hear her blood rush to her brain and her heart thudding to keep up. She gestured to him, “This is Jung Jaehyun. He owns a flower shop near the precinct. A-And he’s my boyfriend. We’re…um…we’re dating.”

Jaehyun never heard her sound so uneasy since the last time he had seen her and her mother interact.

“You’re dating…like proper dating?” Her mother spoke slowly like she was test-tasting each word. “Like, more than sex?”

Ayeon winced at the bluntness of her words, “Yes.”

“I thought you knew better.” She sneered.

It was every nightmare and fear she ever had coming at her at once. She didn’t know why she expected her mother to be suddenly so accepting of her dating. Maybe because it was Jaehyun, and there was just something so genuine and gentle with him that her mother might be able to see past her own trauma and appreciate who Jaehyun was and how he made her daughter feel.

But that was, of course, asking too much.

“Look, I know this is…this is surprising and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner but—”

“Does he pay your bills?” Her voice cut straight through Ayeon’s sentence.

Ayeon blinked at the question, it wasn’t what she expected to be asked, “What? No why—”

“Are you living with him? I noticed your mail piling up.”

“I’m not living with hi—”

“Are you going to quit your job for him too?” She spat.

Ayeon looked taken aback, “No, what are you talking about?”

She shook her head, “I thought I raised you better.”

This conversation was getting away from her, she was losing control of it, “Mama, just hear me out. If you get to know him, you’ll understand--”

“I don’t need to.” She ground out, her eyes fiery.

“Then how can you dislike him?” Ayeon shouted, “How can you say he’s going to hurt me when you haven’t even bothered getting to know him?”

Her mother stepped towards her, footsteps heavy, “Because all men are the same, getting to know him won’t change that.”

“I’m _happy_ with him. He supports my career and my decisions, he’s smart, kind, hardworking and understanding. He’s never hurt me.” Ayeon pleaded.

Her mother scoffed, “Oh? He’s never hurt you? Never? And how long have you two been a couple?”

Ayeon looked away, her chest tight, “Ma, why can’t you trust that I’m smart enough to make my own decisions and make good ones?”

“No one is rational when it’s romance and love and crap like that.” She hissed, venom on her tongue as memories of her own came flooding back.

Ayeon took 3 short and quick breaths before tilting her chin up, “I’ll tell you this; dating him wasn’t easy. Every time he cared for me, looked after me, wanted me and _loved me_ I had to second guess it, I had to panic and run because that’s all I’ve ever seen and been taught about relationships. But I feel like this isn’t going to be something I’ll regret. I can feel it in my gut and my gut has never been wrong.”

“Oh, so it’s my fault that I didn’t spend your teen years feeding you fairy-tales and filling your mind with happily-ever-afters? Well, I didn’t have a fairy tale romance and I was too busy trying to make sure that my daughter wasn’t going to make the same mistakes I did.” She snapped, unimpressed and unmoved.

“Except you didn’t make a mistake!” Ayeon screamed.

Silence ticked by and Jaehyun stood behind Ayeon like a shadow as she fisted her hands, “Mistake means that you did something wrong, but you didn’t. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were mistreated and you just wanted to save me. None of it was your fault and me being with Jaehyun is different than you being with father.”

“Ayeon, I only want what’s best for you, your career is going so well.” Her mom said, her voice firm.

Something inside her broke, the months building up since Lucas died, “Except that it’s not. Work is a nightmare; I get harassed and picked on. I might have people trying to kill me or maybe they used me to kill someone who was trying to fight for justice, so I don’t really trust the people I work for. I kinda hate my job at the moment. But none of that matters now. I know you want what’s best for me but what I have with Jaehyun is different. It’s really good. He’s a good man, with an honest heart and I genuinely don’t think there’s another in this world for me.”

Her mom shook her head, “Ayeon, there is so much about the world that you don’t know yet.”

She took a step back and felt Jaehyun’s chest against her back, “If you can’t accept him? I don’t think you’ll ever like anyone for me and that’s not okay. The mere fact that after all these years, I _finally_ found someone I want to be with should tell you what kind of person he is.”

“I’m really disappointed in you, Ayeon.” Her mother said after a long pause.

Ayeon’s eyes widened and her hands started to shake, “I—come on. Please.”

Her mother slid her sunglasses back on, her lips twisted in a frown, “If you think you’ll get my approval, you’re wrong.”

“If you think I’m going to end this relationship with him, _you’re_ wrong.” Her words were sharp but Ayeon’s voice trembled.

Her mother turned, addressing Jaehyun for the first time, “You’re coming between me and my daughter. Is that okay with you considering how much she claims you _love_ her?”

“I—”

“That’s cruel.” Ayeon muttered, “You don’t get to talk to him like that if you’re not willing to get to know him. No one is coming between you and I.”

She scoffed “Really? No one?”

“Right now, the only person driving a wedge is you. I love you, Ma. I respect you and I’ve learned from you, that’s why I’m here right now.” She fought back shivers when Jaehyun reached out and stroked his fingers down her spine. “I want to be able to introduce you to him properly, to have both of you in my life at once.”

Her mother narrowed her eyes, “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“I don’t.”

Ayeon flinched and turned to look at Jaehyun, aghast but he was staring straight at her mother, “I don’t deserve your daughter. She’s phenomenal, she is everything a person should strive to be like and most of all, she’s strong. I’ve relied on her strength a lot and maybe because of that, she doesn’t feel like she can rely on mine.”

“Jaehyun.” Ayeon admonished.

He didn’t falter, his gaze steady on her mother, “But just because I may not deserve her, doesn’t mean that I don’t spend every second of my day treating her right, being someone she can trust and come to whenever something’s on her mind. You don’t like me and you have every right not to, but I would _never_ hurt Ayeon. Never.” 

“Words are cheap. They don’t impress me.” Her words were cold when they addressed him.

Ayeon scoffed, incredulously, “Are you serious? After everything he just said?”

Her mother shook her head, “I’m not wasting any more time on this conversation, I just wanted to see you before I fly out to Amsterdam but maybe it was a bad idea. Hopefully, when I get back, you’ll have come to your senses because I love you, dear, I just don’t want to see you making decisions that’ll ruin your life.” 

Her mother walked out the door and Ayeon stormed after her, but instead of following her out, she just grabbed the door and slammed it shut with such force that it reverbed down to the frame.

Jaehyun squeezed his eyes, his head pounding, “I would never want to ruin your relationship with your mom.”

“Please, just stop.” She muttered, leaning her head against the door, “I desperately do not want to hear you break up with me just to make my mom happy. I’m not in the mood to witness a noble sacrifice.”

She groaned when his arms came around her and his chest crowded around her back, “I know how close you are to her and how important she is. You can’t let this argument drag on. She’s your mother.”

Ayeon leaned her head back against his shoulder, “If we break up for her, nothing will change. She’ll hate the next guy I date and the guy after that, and the guy after that—”

“I see you’re in no shortage of replacements for me.” He mused, rocking her side to side.

She snorted, running her fingers up and down his arms, “I’m serious. She’ll never be okay with me dating.”

“See it from her perspective, she probably blames herself for being with your dad. She’s projecting onto you, to make sure you don’t end up trapped like her.” He mumbled against her.

“I know that, and I feel for her but you’re…you’re you. You don’t trap me.” She whispered.

“Okay!” Jaehyun announced, turning Ayeon around in his arms, “I have an idea. Go pack an overnight bag and meet me in front of my shop in 30 minutes.”

She gaped at him, “Wait, what? Why?”

“It’s a surprise and I need time to convince Taeyong to take Triple for a night.”

“Jaehyun…”

He cupped her face and pulled her in, “Just trust me. I promise it’ll be worth it.”

\-----

And it was.

She was speechless after being driven an hour and a half out of the city to stand in the middle of a glass dome with flowers, trees, and branches winding around outside. “What is this place?”

“It’s a botanical garden, they recently opened open some of these domes in the middle like hotel rooms for people to stay around the plants.” Jaehyun explained as he set their bags down and walk over to her.

She sighed when his fingers combed through her hair, “Why did you bring me here?”

“Because you’re seconds away from collapsing in on yourself from the pressure. You’re overwhelmed, so you and I are going to spend the next 24 hours away from work, stress, responsibilities and saving this city. You’re going to recharge and then go back and take your mom, Kyung Gyu, the Commissioner, Lucas and your feelings head on.”

He barely finished his sentence when she jumped him, but he still managed to catch her in his arms as she kissed him fervently, tongues clashed, teeth digging as they stumbled back onto the plush bed with her fingers firmly in his hair and his digging obsessively into her thighs. They landed together with a grunt that turned into a moan. Her breath hitched, “You’re so nice to me. I’m so lucky your mine.”

He laughed as they scrambled further up the bed and he worked her shirt up, “You deserve it.”

“I thought I deserved rose petals?” She purred as he rolled her over.

He licked his lips, “You do, I’ve been thinking about it every day since I came up with the idea. Trust me, it’s hasn’t been easy to have that image in my head.”

She smiled up at him and his face immediately softened. He leaned down and brushed their noses back and forth in an affectionate gesture before kissing her gently and she sunk against the blankets. “Thank you, for bringing me here.”

“I’m bringing you whenever I go.” He murmured against her lips, looking down at her. He kissed her hard, sweeping his tongue against her lips before leaning away, “Now come on, I have to show you the prettiest flowers they just brought in.”

She could just pass out there. A man whose touch could melt her bones, whose words against her ear could rile her up, wanted to show her pretty flowers. 

“Wait.” She whispered before reaching out and fisting the front of his shirt and pulling him back towards her as she leaned into the bed, “I need to thank you properly.”

His eyes darkened as they trailed down her face and fell back into her, letting the both of them turn into liquid magic as they moved together in perfect harmony.

And so, they made love under branches of new blooms, vines of bright green and leaves of rich wax that towered over their glass dome like a canopy, shielding them from the pain of the world and keeping them safe in their own cozy universe. It was magnificent, altering the chemicals in their bodies and filled with something stronger than love with no real name to put on it.

\-----

She smiled, tired and sweaty while his fingers traced up and down her stomach. She could feel his lips on her shoulder, and it was paradise. “Best vacation ever.”

“We haven’t actually done anything vacation-y yet.” He snorted.

She hummed, burying herself under the thick blanket, warm, relaxed and sated. “Let’s stay here forever.”

“I can get room service.” He whispered in her ear.

She groaned, “Can we stay in bed and eat naked?”

“Sure, but it’ll be insanely distracting.”

She laughed and rolled on her back watching him stand, biting her lip as he slipped on a pair of boxers, “Wait, I thought we were going to be naked.”

He chuckled and put on a pair of sweats, “That’s rude to the room service people.”

I love you.

It was so sharp and loud in her head when she stared at him walk over to the phone by the dresser. She had never felt this strong about another person, she liked him so much that her heart couldn’t contain it. And if no other word could describe it, she knew, in the back of her mind, what that meant.

It had to be love.

He tossed her a menu and picked up one of his own, “Pasta, fries, salad and ice cream.”

“I could do that. Get the cheesy bread too.”

“A woman after my own heart.” He muttered before picking up the phone.

\-----

She didn’t think she could be more relaxed than stuffing herself full of food with Jaehyun as a tv show played on in the background.

It was a perfect day and she wished their lives could be so simple and warm. It might’ve been the reason he wanted her to come here with him so she could have a taste of their lives without everything distracting them and she wasn’t going to lie, she liked it. A lot.

It wasn’t until a few hours of lazing around and falling back into bed with each other that they finally got dressed and journeyed out into the gardens. Ayeon was never particularly a green thumb but she basked in the beauty and fresh colors that sprang out in every corner.

But it was sometimes hard to focus when Jaehyun laced their fingers together as they walked. She just stared at their hands, her heart racing and her cheeks flooded with color at the sheer simplicity of the action. It was so normal and habitual, but it meant so much more when they were strolling around together, just in each other's presence. He held her hand like he just wanted to be reminded of her touch and she held his hand like it kept her grounded.

She squeezed his hand as he excitedly pointed out different flowers, telling her obscure facts, interesting details and historic stories of all of his favorite ones. It was alarming how happy it made her seeing him being caught up by something he was really passionate about.

“Oh god, and see that one? That’s a willow tree and the first kinds of painkiller like aspirin were made from its bark.” He said, pointing at a tall tree.

He turned to look at her when she didn't respond before frowning, “Are you okay? You’re really red. I know these gardens are humid, do you want to go back to our room?”

“No.” She whispered, tightening the grip on his hand, “I’m just…I realized that this is our first real date. Like as a couple.”

He stared at her for a second before letting out a laugh, “I told you I loved you before we went on our first date.”

She swallowed nervously but his smile was gentle, “Probably my favorite first date.”

“Mine too.” She said quietly, leaning up to kiss him.

“You put out on the first date.” He teased as she shoved him away.

She made a face, “So do you!”

“Yeah, cause I’m easy.” He cooed, “What’s your excuse?”

She pressed against his side, swinging their hands, “I don’t have one." She paused for a moment before she spoke, "Jaehyun, what you said to my mom, about me being unable to rely on you, that's not true. Just because you need me and you take strength from me doesn't mean that you don't have any. It doesn't mean that I don't go to you for strength because I do. I find strength in you, that's how I'm still able to stand through all of this." 

He leaned over and kissed her forehead firmly, "I don't know how you do it, but I'm glad I can be that person for you."

She smiled and kiss his jaw before turning, "Tell me about that.”

He followed her pointed finger before his eyes widened, “That’s skunk cabbage, the blossoms can get so hot that it can melt snow. Insects flock to it during cold months and it helps with pollination.”

Her eyes were coated in honey as she watched him go on and on, describing flowers she pointed to. Time had slipped through their tightly grasped hands when they finally made it back to their hotel rooms.

“I’m going to shower, okay?” Jaehyun said as he pulled his sweater off and ruffled through his things.

She dropped onto the bed, the chilled temperature of the room, ran over the sweat that collected on the back of her neck, causing her to shiver, “Hurry, I’m next.”

He grinned and kissed her quick with a promise of being fast before ducking behind the bathroom doors. Once he started to run the water, Ayeon walked around the room, inspecting every corner before venturing back out to the lobby of the little hotel. There, she found a little bistro kiosk and took a seat by the counter.

An old woman can out from the back, tying an apron, “Sorry for the wait, we were prepping for the post-dinner rush. What can I get you?”

“Oh, tea would be nice, any kind you have.” Ayeon asked.

The woman moved swiftly putting her order together before glancing at her, “You came in with Jung Jaehyun, right?”

Ayeon’s eyes widened a fraction, “I did. How do you know that?”

“Jaehyun has been coming to the gardens ever since we opened this place. He comes a few times a year, but he’s never booked a room once we added the features. He was excited about it when we told him, but he always deflected when we told him that he should stay.”

“Did he ever say why?” She asked.

The woman smiled to herself and set a dainty cup brimmed with tea down in front of her, “He said that it was a shame to waste such a gorgeous room alone. He said he’d come once he had a woman just as beautiful to share it with. And I suppose he kept that promise.”

Ayeon’s cheeks reddened, much to the woman’s delight, as she picked up the tea and took a cautious sip. It was herbal, as per the advertising, and it didn’t taste as good as the ones Jaehyun would make but she liked the atmosphere. The woman winked at her and moved away when another customer came up. Ayeon finished the drink and paid just as Jaehyun came down with his hair still drying.

“Hey, found you.”

She smiled so brightly that Jaehyun’s footsteps slowed and his lips parted, “Hi, darling.”

“There’s that smile again.” He murmured, enthralled, before kissing her dizzyingly in the middle of the lobby. He pulled back and swiped his tongue over his lower lip, “You taste like lavender.”

She gaped at him and turned to stare at the chalkboard where the tea she ordered was written and of course _lavender_ was listed as an ingredient. “How are you that good with plants?”

“I think I’m just good with your mouth.” He murmured, kissing her again.

She smiled, her blush growing, “I don’t want to go back to the real world tomorrow.”

“It’ll be okay. You’re not alone in any of this.” He reassured. “And you’re amazing at kicking ass.”

She grinned before glancing at her watch, “We have exactly 12 hours until we need to head back, do you want to spend it looking at pretty flowers, having sex and eating?”

“You might be the most perfect woman in the world, you’re aware of that, right?”


	33. aconites

Ayeon was standing in the 43rd precinct, strolling along the hallway while staring at the large frames hung up showcasing the faces of each year’s new batch of officers. 

Her eyes ran over each row, desperately searching for Kyung Gyu’s name. She made it to the 3rd year recruits when she finally found it. She held her breath, staring at the small oval the size of her thumb. He was clean-shaven, unlike when she last saw him, and he was chubbier than the pictures on Lucas’s computer. He looked bright-eyed and young.

She wondered why he ended up the way that he did.

She moved away from his face, the sight making her sick before looking at the other faces, unfamiliar officers. Ayeon began looking through the 8th year recruits that hung on the wall behind her when she heard footsteps thundering towards her. Taeil stood between her and the wall with an embarrassed laugh. 

“Please don’t look at those, that’s my year and I made a very specific hair choice that I deeply regret. I’ve been trying to get someone to take it down, but it just makes them laugh.” He grumbled. “And then Doyoung gets gassed up because his photo looks great, that little prick.”

She smiled as he led her towards his office, closing the door behind her, “I heard that the caught Delco. How’s that going?”

“They don’t really keep me in the loop. I’m a witness and a conflict of interest.” She said as she sat across his desk from him.

Taeil shook his head, “I’m sorry, I could ask around for you.” 

“I don’t think I can ask for more favours after this one.” She said with a sheepish smile.

Taeil laced his fingers together, “So, what can I do for you?”

“I was wondering what information you had on an officer Lee Kyung Gyu who was here a few years ago, He’s on your 3rd year wall.” She said.

Taeil typed on his keyboard, scanning the screen until his face lit up in recognition, “Yes, I remember him, he was only here for a few years before he moved to Robbery. What info do you need?”

“I want to know what precinct he’s with now.” She reaffirmed.

Taeil blinked and looked at his screen, “He’s not in Robbery anymore?”

“No, apparently he was transferred.” She said blithely.

Taeil’s brows shot up, “Oh, an unexcused transfer? I’m sorry, but I don’t have clearance for that information, especially not on anyone that’s been gone for that long.”

“Taeil, I haven’t even gotten to the favour, yet.” She winced.

He snorted, “Let me hear it.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to access that info through the database, but I was wondering if there was something else you could do to find it out.” Ayeon asked.

He leaned towards her, intrigued, “Like what?”

“Like asking around to people you might have connections with, people who would know where he is now. Jinah said that you’re pretty well known.”

Taeil watched her carefully, “Why are you after him?”

“It’s…it’s a lot to share this early on but I have it on good authority to believe he had something to do with Detective Huang’s death.” She said.

Taeil’s eyes widened, “Lucas? Fuck. You’re being serious?”

“Yes, so if there is anythi—”

“I’ll do it.” He said, his voice dark.

She was surprised, “Really?”

“Kyung Gyu was a pain in the ass, and I liked Lucas. I met him a few times when I was over at your precinct. If he had anything to do with Lucas’s death, I want him down for it.” He said with conviction.

She smiled disbelievingly, “Thank you.”

Taeil gave her a sharp nod and when she went to stand, he spoke up, “While you’re here, can I ask you something?”

She sat back down and waited for him to continue, “What’s your relationship with Jaehyun? I’m just asking because I was surprised when you asked me to look for that picture of her. I had thought you were looking into her case or something but then I found out that you two knew each other pretty well at that restaurant.”

“We’re…dating now actually.” She still stumbled over saying it out loud.

Taeil’s face melted into a look of shock, “You’re shitting me, no way.”

“No, I’m being serious. He’s officially spoken for and off the market.” She said with a laugh.

He laced his fingers behind his head, “Well, good for him. I thought he’d be single forever.”

“You know him really well, huh?”

He snorted, “Oh, we’re all close. Taeyong, the guys you met at the restaurant, Jinah and a few more that are overseas. We got way back.”

She knit her brows together, “What was he like before Haerin passed?”

Taeil blew out a loud stream of air, “He was…outgoing, loud, happy, like unfetteredly happy. He never felt guilty about feeling good. He was like a social butterfly, _thriving_ on interacting with people, being friendly and bubbly. He was easy going too, nothing could make bring him dow—well almost nothing. He was so passionate and ambitious. It was hard on us to watch him spiral out and drink himself into oblivion.”

He leaned back in his seat, staring off at the corner of the room, “It was like he became this different person and it hurt to see it happen to someone with so much life and energy.”

“Wow.” She muttered, her gut churning at the thought of the reserve and soft-spoken man that he was today.

Taeil smiled slightly, “Taeyong said that when he’d see you with him, he could see parts of the old Jaehyun. Obviously, he’s never going to be the same, but the easy-going happy sides of them bled through.”

“I don’t know how much I had to do with that.” She remarked. Taeil stared at her and opened his mouth to speak before thinking better of it.

A silence ticked by before he finally spoke, “Listen, he’s a good guy. He’s gone through a lot and as open as he is, he’s careful sharing parts of himself to people he cares about. He tends to hold things back as long as possible. Try not to be hurt when it happens, he does it because he thinks he’s protecting people. After Haerin died, he dealt with a lot of guilt, not just over her death but he thinks that the fact that he only noticed injustice when it happened to someone dear to him, that he was ignorant to other people being taken advantage of by the law.”

“He blames himself for all that?” She whispered out.

Taeil’s smile was grim, “Don’t you feel the same way about Lucas?”

“W-What?” She breathed out.

Taeil shook his head, “I’m not dumb, Detective Yoo. I know Jinah and Soya and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the redhead reporter that’s been harassing you decides to interrupt your award to expose a dirty Commissioner.”

“Even if it wasn’t a coincidence, which I’m not saying it is, that has nothing to do with Lucas.”

“No, but the timing is suspect, isn’t it? A few months after Lucas was shot and suddenly, you’re on a mission of justice? I’m a better detective than you must give me credit for.” He mused, quirking an eyebrow.

She looked uneasy but Taeil shook his head, “I’m not trying to guilt you, it’s human, I came to the exact same conclusion when Haerin died and faced the exact same emotions and guilt. I had to face the flaws I was complicit with.”

“I never…I never thought of it that way.” She muttered.

Taeil shook his head in understanding, “Don’t let it deter you, not many people take action that way you are. Most officers pretend they don’t feel the guilt, it makes them sleep better at night, but our comfort isn’t what the taxpayers pay for. It’s for justice and protection.”

“You’re right.” She said quietly. “Actually, it wasn’t Lucas’s death that made me this way. It may have exacerbated it, but it wasn’t the catalyst.”

He tilted his head curiously and she looked at her hands, “My father was abusive, my mother took it for a really long time before she finally left. My father was never charged but used the law to scare her into staying as long as she did. That’s why I am the way I am.”

It all came out in a long breath, it was odd, admitting this to someone she didn’t know at all, but when Taeil smiled, she felt a surge of confidence behind her words, “I guess we all have our origin stories for why we are the way that we are. I’m sorry I misjudged.”

“It’s okay, you still made a point.” She admitted.

He nodded, “I’ll get you that information on Officer Lee, whatever you need, that includes anything I can get on Delco’s investigation.”

“Thank you, I mean it.” She stood and offered him a hand, “It was nice meeting you properly, Detective Moon.”

“And it’s an honor meeting you, Detective Yoo, as both a detective and as someone Jaehyun holds dear.”

\-----

Mina glanced at Johnny who was grumpily scouring through Ayeon’s cabinets, complaining that she drank too much tea before looking back at her computer.

_[User1340ac92] Why is he worse?_

She had monitored the forum with almost an obsessive eye until LuckyStar88 was back online, she was done waiting days for a single response. She had questions and she needed answers. 

_[LuckyStar88] I don’t have proof; I just keep my ear to the ground and listen. I don’t trust him because he was all too eager to boot the old commissioner out. And I’ve heard rumors about him and what he does when he abuses power_

She sat up, her fingers flying over her keys, every second mattered.

_[User1340ac92] What rumors and Why does he make you so suspicious?_

_[LuckyStar88] Because he reminds me of another powerful man who was taken out because he thought he could skirt around the law and use his money to get away with committing crimes and cleaning up messes._

_[User1340ac92] Who?_

_[LuckyStar88] A businessman. Don’t you read the news?_

Mina’s lips hitched into a snarl, LuckyStar88 was getting on her nerves.

_[User1340ac92] I want a name._

Seconds ticked by while the little bubble of three dots flashed and she was hit with the worst feeling of déjà vu when a message popped up and a curse left her lips.

 _[LuckyStar88]_ is offline.

\-----

“Tell me again why we’re here? I support it, I just don’t follow it.” Jinah mumbled as she strolled into the police force’s auto shop with Ayeon.

Ayeon flipped through the hard copies of Haerin’s case file that Jaehyun had dug up for her, including his own notes, “When he first talked to the family that saw Haerin, they said that the only thing they remembered was that the back headlight had red paint over it. Police cars need to be serviced at least every month and in the vent of any defect. How many people come in with red paint on their light?”

Jinah took the file from her, scanning the date on Jaehyun’s writing, “Ask for the date, they have to keep records of every service they do for insurance purposes.”

Ayeon nodded as they walked up to the owner, “Excuse me? Hi, we’re from the 32nd precinct and we were wondering if you have records of a car that might have come in 5 years ago.”

The man, old and greying, wiped his hands on his rag, “5 years ago? What for?”

“Just a routine check.” Jinah said, “We wanted to make sure our records were matching for the paperwork, admin said there was some discrepancy we wanted to double check.”

He sighed and led them to his office, “Hang on, got to look it up, our records were digitized a year ago so it shouldn’t take long.

Ayeon held her breath, watching as the man powered the computer up and, using only his index fingers, logged on, “What’s the year?”

“2014 onwards.”

He looked at her from over his glasses, “You want to look through 5 years of files for one car? Do you have the plate number?”

Ayeon froze because according to Jinah’s story it wouldn’t make sense if they came here without a plate number but that was the exact information they didn’t have. Jinah jumped in quickly, “Oh shoot, I think we left that back at the precinct and everyone’s out for lunch. Is it possible you can narrow it down based on what the fix-up was for?”

“Only if it isn’t something we do commonly. What was it?” He asked.

Ayeon cleared her throat, “Red paint on the taillights.”

The man frowned and shook his head, “I don’t need to look anything up for that. I’ve worked here 10 years and I have never had a car come in for red paint on the taillights and I’ve seen _every_ car that’s come in.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Ayeon pressed, “A police car with that description existed so, it had to be serviced.”

“I’m telling you, detective, I haven’t ever seen a car like that. I’ve had broken taillights but that’s it.” He grumbled.

Jinah narrowed her eyes, “Okay, 5 years ago, which cars had broken taillights?”

He typed in the description and waited for the page to load. “About 100 over the last 5 years.”

“What about from mid-July 2014 to mid-August of the same year?” Ayeon asked. Haerin died in June of 2014 and Jaehyun visited the woman in July. If someone had a broken taillight and they found out someone witnessed them, they would want it fixed as soon as possible.

The man adjusted his glasses to squint at the screen, “Yeah, there’s one car here.”

“What’s the plate number?” Jinah asked.

The man began reading out digits before stopping himself mid-way, “Does it really matter? The car has been out of commission after it was fixed. It was junked.”

“What?” Ayeon snapped. “You can’t do that unless it was totaled or unstable to operate. The city wouldn’t risk getting rid of a car just because the lights were busted.”

He shrugged, “I don’t know what to tell you. It’s gone. I can get you the paperwork for that, but that’s about it.”

“Can you at least tell us whose car it is?” Ayeon pleaded.

The man pressed a few buttons before frowning, “That’s weird.”

“What is?” Jinah asked, leaning over his shoulder.

He pointed to where the drivers’ name and image would appear, “It’s blank. That’s not possible, our paperwork can’t be processed without this information.”

“So, you have no paperwork that proves which officer operated this vehicle?” Jinah hissed, her fists tight.

Ayeon shook her head in disbelief, how could someone go to such lengths to scrub every link, every crumb of evidence? How could they even have access to do it? “I don’t care, print out everything that you have on this vehicle, every prior service, every financial record. All of it.”

Jinah turned to her when the man ran off to the printer, “What are you thinking?”

Ayeon kept her voice low, her hands trembling, “You don’t mistakenly see red paint on a taillight. That woman knew was she saw, so if it wasn’t paint, it had to be something that they could’ve fixed themselves. There is a very real possibility that it was blood, which means whoever drove it, hit something and that’s why their lights were broken.”

\-----

“Blood? God.” Jaehyun whispered as he and Ayeon closed off the shop for lunch, “That never crossed my mind. But if they hit something, there had to be a victim. A missing person or someone being admitted to the hospital. That woman saw Haerin get into the car, so they didn’t hit her.”

She shrugged, “It could’ve been completely innocuous like they hit a deer or something.”

“Why would they take her though? Just because she was vulnerable alone? I just don’t get the motive.” Jaehyun said, “I never did.”

She rested her hand on his, “We’ll get answers. The car was a long shot at best, doesn’t mean we’re out of options. Getting rid of the car and the records of who was assigned to it wasn’t an accident. There’s something there for us to find.”

Jaehyun ran his teeth over his lip as he watched Ayeon take a bite out of the sandwich he made her, he was too charged to eat, “What did Jinah say about the Lucas stuff?”

“She said she had no idea Lucas was looking into officers at the precinct. He never complained about other officers’ behaviors or asked her strange questions about anyone in particular either.” She said with her mouth full, “He was doing this on his own. I don’t know how he crossed paths with Kyung Gyu or anyone else on his computer, but it was enough to make him pursue this out of his own volition.”

Jaehyun looked conflicted, “You think that’s why he was shot? Not because you were the intended target but because he was digging into other officers from different precincts?” 

“Maybe it was Kyung Gyu who shot him after he confronted him about the corruption allegations, especially if he used the pictures as proof.” Ayeon suggested. 

Jaehyun squeezed his eyes shut as his mind raced, “But does that make sense? If you spent months meticulously documenting someone’s illicit activities would you just blow it all in a verbal confrontation that could get emotional and hostile? If that was the case, why not just confront him after one picture? Why spend months following these officers?”

He opened his eyes, “Think of Mina and her reporting. She kept all that information, yes, to confront the Commissioner but also to support her article and accusations. You collect evidence to show it, someone, what would he get out of ambushing him?”

She rubbed her eyes, “Yeah, yeah you’re right. Fuck I don’t know. Maybe he was going to go to Jinah once he had something more damning, but then Kyung Gyu found out what he was doing and killed him to silence him. But that wouldn’t explain how he knew where Lucas would be the night he died.”

Jaehyun nodded at that, “That’s true, but I’ve run out of theories, I’m not the best arm-chair detective, sweetheart. It looks like being around you and my detective friends haven’t rubbed off on me. Did you have any luck finding Kyung Gyu?”

“Not yet, Taeil said he’d get back to me after he asked around.” 

“You went to see Taeil?” Jaehyun asked, surprised. “Like in person? At his precinct?”

She smiled, remembering her conversation with him. It as no wonder Jinah liked him so much, it made her want to meet Doyoung too. “I like him.”

“What did he say about me?” Jaehyun asked with eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Oh, just all of your most embarrassing secrets.” She cooed, taking another bite.

Jaehyun clicked his tongue, “Taeil is too loyal to do that to me.”

“No, I uh, actually had a good talk with him.” She felt proud of herself opening up to someone so new.

Jaehyun hummed while taking a drink out of Ayeon’s mug, “He’s always been the vault that everyone liked talking to. He’s a good listener, doesn’t give you advice out of a greeting card. He gives good honest thoughts.”

She nodded in agreement, “Yeah, exactly. We talked about Lucas and Haerin. You know, loss.”

Jaehyun looked at his shoes, “I never shared a lot about what I went through with him, just because he was a cop.”

“Did he believe you?” She asked.

He shrugged, “Not at first, but after that lady changed her story, he started seeing things differently.”

“It’s hard, the people who you once knew everything about you and how to read you will suddenly feel like strangers when you realize that their lives are moving on but yours is stuck.” She mumbled before staring at the last bite of her sandwich. She wasn’t hungry anymore.

She stretched her arm out, holding it out to him. He took it from her, tossing it in his mouth before dusting his hands. “Here’s the thing. It’s unfair to assume that everyone else’s lives are moving forward without lag. The loss might hit us at different strengths, but it still has a wide impact radius.”

“I guess it makes me feel better to think I’m the only one who’s hurting.” She admitted. She smiled a little to herself, “But do you remember what you said to me the first time we met?”

He raised his brows to prompt her to continue. She reached out and touched the flower in the little vase by her table. She might not be working out of his shop, but he still changed out the flowers whenever they began to wilt.

“You said that at the end of the day, flowers may not be enough to ease the pain but they’re a reminder that beauty still exists, and I think you were right. I didn’t believe it before, but being around your shop, I see it.”

“Can I show you something?” He whispered. 

She raised her brows and nodded. He smiled, kissing her softly before walking to his workbench and pulling out a leather photo album. He walked back over and set it down in front of her before flipping it open.

He thumbed through the pages, her eyes skimming past polaroid of beautiful floral arrangements, “I do this thing after I work on a new arrangement, where I take a picture of it and add it to this catalog. I show it to new clients in case they want to pick from one of it. It’s also kind of a portfolio of my work. I started doing it after I opened this place.”

“That’s cool.” Ayeon considered, watching the luscious blooms blur passed her eyes until he landed on a page.

He pointed to one arrangement made of rich dark green leaves and pure large white petals of gardenias that looked like expensive silken chiffon. To call it beautiful wasn’t enough. It was luxurious and classy. The contrast of the dark green and flashing pearlescent white was breathtaking in its ability to showcase the flower to it’s full potential without the distraction of frill.

“I started naming the arrangements, typically after figures of Greek, Korean, and Roman mythology. I took this photo a few months ago.” He said before turning the photo over to show his delicate looping handwriting.

_Yoo Ayeon._

Her eyes were widened before she glanced up at him, taking the photo, “You named it after me?”

“It was after we first met when you came to pick up the funeral florals for Lucas. I couldn’t get you out of my head no matter how hard I tried. You were this enigmatic force that was so sophisticated and graceful, but you were so closed off and guarded, behind those sunglasses. I wanted to capture it. You inspired me until I created something to match the feeling you gave me. It was my favorite piece, so simple and elegant, I don’t let anyone order this design. I wasn’t ever going to replicate it. It was yours.” He said softly. 

She let out a stunned scoff, “After meeting me once?”

“Yeah, it’s just as beautiful as you are.” He mumbled, cupping her cheek to trace the scar.

“Can I keep this?” She asked, looking up at him.

He nodded, brushing his lips against her forehead before leaning down to kiss her but his lips immediately curled into a smile so blinding that they couldn’t kiss anymore.

“What?” She asked with a frown.

He shook his head and leaned towards her, but she ducked away, “What?”

“You taste like roses now.” He smiled and his lips mouthed her neck.

Her heart stuttered over itself, “Really?”

He hummed, breathing her in, “I think I’ve done this to you, unfortunately, sweetheart.” 

She groaned and buried her face in his neck, “I wish I could just stay here instead of sitting by Lucas’s computer like I didn’t just break into it.”

She pulled back when she felt Jaehyun stiffen in her arms, his silence only egging her concern on, “What’s wrong?”

“I just had a thought.” He said slowly.

She pursed her lips, “What thought?”

He gripped her shoulders, “You said there were other files with initials, but they were locked, right?”

“Right.” She nodded.

“Lee Kyung Gyu was one of them _and_ he was on that list Mina had of unexcused transfers, do you think he was the only one?”

Ayeon’s eyes widened at the implication, “If there were others, that might be the link we need to prove that there was something more to what caused Lucas’s death. I need to get back onto his computer and cross-reference the initials to her list.”

\-----

“Hello?” Ayeon said into her phone as she rushed out of Jaehyun’s shop and back to the precinct. It was busy and there was no way she could log into now, but she needed to be in there with her eyes on it.

“It’s me.” Taeil mumbled, she could hear him closing a door, most likely to his office. “I found Kyung Gyu.”

She blinked and stopped on the stairs of the precinct, “That was so quick.”

He snorted, “It actually wasn’t that hard, the HR head owes me a favor for when I let her daughter do filing for a summer. He’s in the 23rd precinct.”

“What the hell is the 23rd?” She balked as she started climbing the stairs again.

He laughed, “It’s road patrol. They bumped him to the bottom. I’ll send you the address, but I called ahead, pretending I wanted to say hi, but it turns out that he’s taken some sick days. Hasn’t been in the office for a week, but I got his home address, sending that too.”

“Thanks, you don’t know how hard I’ve been trying to get that information. You’re a lifesaver. I owe you lunch.” She gushed, pushing the front doors open.

“Yeah, a big one. Tell me if you’re going to visit him, I can come with or take someone with you.” He instructed.

She walked into the bullpen and felt her heart sink at the sight in front of her, “Huh? Oh yeah, I will. Thanks, Taeil. I gotta go, I’ll talk to you soon.”

Ayeon slid her phone back into her pocket and watched as two men in dress shirts and ties fiddled around with Lucas’s desk as the rest of the precinct watched with venom in their eyes. She grabbed Daemin who was walking past and dug her nails into his arm, “What’s going on?”

“Huh?” He followed her gaze and sighed, “Oh yeah, IT just came in, apparently, they’re finally deactivating Lucas’s account and wiping his computer. The precinct is low on resources, so they want to use the computer for another team that’s running low.”

She felt her visions blur as the two men gingerly removed the memorial to reset his hard drive. “I can’t believe Jinah authorized this.”

Daemin blinked at her in confusion before shaking his head, “No, it wasn’t Jinah. It was the interim Commissioner; he’s been here all day.”

“The wha—” Her words died when she turned to look at Daemin and instead caught the interim Commissioner standing by the door, his arms crossed staring directly at her. His eyes were empty and cold like a reptile before his lips slowly curved into a smile.

Her throat dried and she quickly averted her eyes back to Lucas’s desk where the only piece of concrete evidence she had against Kyung Gyu and a litany of other officers existed. The two men began unplugging the computer and placing it on a trolley before wheeling it out.

Daemin sighed, “It’s the end of an era, finally he’s gone for good.”

Ayeon felt the knot in her stomach grow and looked over at the Commissioner before racing off to the bathroom where she emptied her entire lunch into the toilet.

An end of an era.


	34. marigolds

“I think she’s having a panic attack.” Jaehyun muttered as he held Ayeon, her breathing erratic and complaints of chest pains tumbling out of her lips. Some of her words were incoherent while others were statements of the crushing anxiety.

The words, _“it’s all over_ ” were cause for particular concern.

It was shortly after she had left to go to the precinct that he found her collapsed by the stairs, sweating and shivering at the same time. He raced out of the shop and carried her up to his room where she nearly passed out before he caught her. His heart barely recovered from the fear that shot through his body when he found her.

Her fingers dug into his arm as she closed her eyes, fighting off the feeling of impending doom that constricted her lungs. Jinah Soya and Mina stood around Jaehyun’s bed, watching Ayeon groan with concern and worry coating their features.

“What happened?”

He shook his head, pulling her tightly against his chest, “I have no clue. She hasn’t spoken since I found her.”

“I’ll go get her some water.” Mina said before hurrying off to the kitchen.

Jinah sighed, her eyes lingering on Ayeon before turning away, “I’ll help Mina.”

Soya sat on the side of the bed, gently stroking her head. “Do you have any idea?”

“She was doing so well.” He mumbled, slowly rocking her side to side, “We had a really good day yesterday. She was in really good spirits.”

He looked down at her, her body was shaking so hard that it was more like a vibration, “What do you need, sweetheart?”

“Time.” She muttered, trying to stabilize her breathing but failing. “I need it to stop.”

Jaehyun glanced at Soya who just shrugged, “Close your eyes, honey. It’ll be okay.”

“Before she left to the precinct, we were talking about Lucas’s computer, she was thinking about waiting until after hours to log back on.” Jaehyun said quietly.

“Fuck.” She said softly, “Jinah told me his computer was being reset and removed today.” 

Ayeon closed her eyes as the room around her spun, it was making her sick. Wincing, she pressed her face against Jaehyun’s chest and closed her eyes.

“No wonder.” He murmured. “We thought that she’d find proof connecting the transfers to Lucas’s solo-corruption investigation.”

She frowned, “There’s always someone one step ahead of whatever you’re doing. How is that possible?”

“It’s possible because they know what we’re looking for and _we_ don’t even know what we’re looking for.” Ayeon growled.

She knew what she had to do now.

She couldn’t just sit around, playing by someone else’s rules expecting to beat them.

It was time to play her own game.

\-----

“You okay?” Jinah asked when she saw Mina’s hand tremble as she pulled a water bottle out of Ayeon's fridge.

Mina laughed lightly, a poor attempt to cover the tears filling her eyes, “For as long as I’ve known her, she’s been strong, unfazed and quick on her feet. I’ve never seen her like that before, having a mental break. I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have brought her into this.”

“You underestimate her, Mina. Even though she was hesitant about digging into Lucas at first, she would’ve started poking around once Delco was arrested. She would’ve gotten to this place herself.” Jinah said, taking the bottle from her.

Mina leaned against the counter, “You know, it was weird, I have this old police scanner I used to use when I was chasing down stories. I was there the night Lucas died, that was the only reason I was on Ayeon’s ass about being on that podcast. If only I was on another frequency.”

“Wait, you were there?” Jinah asked.

“Well, I wasn’t entirely there before. There was a police car when I pulled up, I was there for a minute or so before the rest of the officers arrived. They were discussing a plan or something when the bullets rang out, then they all rushed in.” Mina explained.

Jinah closed her eyes for a moment before stepping towards her, “Where were you when you heard that message?”

“Umm…I was parked on 5th from what I remember.”

Jinah shook her head, “That doesn’t make sense. I’ve listened to that dispatch recording a dozen times. The responding officers called in from my precinct. If you were on 5th, you would’ve beaten all the officers there. Did you notice anything about the car that was there before? License plate? Anything?”

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t really give it much attention because I thought it was Ayeon’s.” Mina breathed out. “That’s why I went after her with the podcast. I thought she was hiding something when her car was the only one there.”

Jinah crossed her arms and stared at the ceiling, “Ayeon doesn’t drive police cars. She’s a detective, she uses her own vehicle.”

“What does that mean?” Mina asked with a gulp.

“It means that now we know Delco didn’t kill Lucas but someone else and whoever that was, drove a police car.” Jinah said through clenched teeth, anger bubbling in her gut.

Mina bit down on her lip, tears glazing over, “And I was there that night. I almost saw it all. I could’ve known who did it.”

\-----

“Hey…um…we think we’re going to head out.” Mina said softly from Jaehyun’s door.

Ayeon was tucked under the covers, just staring off out his window while he was pressed against her, her hand digging into his bicep, “Okay, I’m going to stay with her longer.”

“Good. Jinah and Soya said they’ll stop by tomorrow. I’ve already called Johnny to stay with me while you have her.” She said.

He nodded, “Before you go, can you grab a sweater out of my closet. She’s still shivering.”

Mina smiled and moved to his closet, digging through the soft colors until she could find something that looked warm. Just as she pulled it out, she noticed something against the wall, “What’s in the safe?”

Ayeon glanced over at Mina before tilting her head back at Jaehyun and paused when she saw the strange look pass over his expression. It was one she hadn’t ever seen before, it was dark and tense like she had struck a nerve. His body was stiff next to hers and his eye twitched.

“Nothing major. I just put my passport and important legal documents for the shop in there.” He smiled but Ayeon knew it was strained.

Mina shrugged and tossed him the sweater, “You need anything else?”

“I think we’re good for now. Thanks for coming over with the others.” Jaehyun muttered, distractedly, “Text when you get to her place.”

Mina nodded and waved before walking away. He could hear her talking to Jinah and Soya before the door shut behind them. Ayeon’s breathing, in the meantime, had evened out, the pain in her body subsided and she was feeling better, albeit still dazed.

A few minutes passed before she sat up, and crossed her legs facing opposite to him. “Sorry for scaring you.”

“Don’t worry.” He mumbled, “What happened out there?”

She shook her head, running her hand over her face, “You and Soya were right. They’re cleaning out his computer on the Commissioner’s authority.”

“Something like that doesn’t typically freak you out.” He reasoned.

She picked at a loose thread on his quilt, “Lee Kyung Gyu was on that computer. We have a connection with him to Lucas and Haerin. A literal smoking gun. Gone.”

“Still. It takes more to knock you out like that, what made you tick?” He repeated.

She ignored him, “I don’t have panic attacks. This doesn’t happen to me.”

“Just talk me through it.” He said, cupping her cheek and brushing his thumb against her skin.

She began slapping her hand against the bed, “The interim was there when IT was taking his computer. He watched the entire thing happen and he stared straight at me and smiled. It made me sick. Like he was taunting me. I really thought I’d have all the answers if I got back into that computer and he ripped it from me. I keep hitting these roadblocks.”

“You’ve hit roadblocks before.” He said cautiously.

She took a deep breath, “And my mom hasn’t called me. Not even a text or a picture of Amsterdam. She’s never done that before, even when we fight or annoy each other.”

“Have you tried reaching out to her first?” He asked.

“She’ll just yell.” Ayeon muttered. “And I can’t take yelling on top of everything else. It’s just all overwhelming. Spending that day with you was paradise but coming back just made everything feel 10 times more suffocating.”

Jaehyun fell silent as they laid together, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

“I don’t want to get up and face the world yet.” She whispered.

He brushed his lips against her forehead, “Then don’t.”

“Can you…can you stay with me?” She asked, looking up at him.

He smiled and she lifted a hand to touch his dimple, “Always.”

“Can you take your shirt off?”

He laughed in surprise of her request, “Can I do what?”

“I’m serious, take it off.” She pleaded, tugging lightly on the corner of his shirt. 

He blinked at her before moving his hands away and sitting up. He pulled his shirt over his head, tossed it off his bed before bringing her back against him. She sighed and smoothed her hands over his body, basking in the searing warmth. “So, not that I’m complaining, but why am I sitting here shirtless?”

She leaned against his chest, pressing her ear against him, “I really, _really_ like hearing your heartbeat. I hear it better this way.”

God, if this wasn’t love, he wasn’t sure what it is, “I could quit my job. Close the shop. Just follow you around all day with a stethoscope for whenever you need to hear my heart.”

“I’ll make you do it, trust me.” She breathed out. “It’ll keep me sane.”

He pressed a kiss to her temple, “I’ll get the papers in order. I’ll sell it to Taeyong.”

She smiled, curling closer towards him when Triple leaped up on the bed next to them, searching for a comfortable place next to them to fall asleep.

“Ugh, your cat’s here.” She mumbled, watching Triple’s ears flicker at every sound.

He slipped his arms around her waist and let his lips brush her shoulder as he spoke, “Eventually we’re going to have to start calling him _our_ cat.”

He felt her still under his hold before she reached out and ran her fingers down Triple’s spine, the cat purred, settling against her stomach as his eyes began to drop close. He had to bite back his smile. This was it, wasn’t it? This was how people shared their lives.

“Ayeon?” He asked lowly.

“Hmm?”

“You’re not beaten yet. They haven’t won yet. They’re scrambling to cover their tracks because they know you’re getting close. Don’t give up.” He hummed against her ear.

She looked up at him, her eyes mapping cautiously across his face. He gave her a small smile before leaning down to press his lips to hers. His heart tripped when she kissed him back ravenously, gripping his shoulder, dragging her fingers across his skin and pulling him over her as she rolled onto her back. But despite the way her hips rolled, he refused to let the heat boil over no matter how easy it would be, he kept his kisses soft and loving because the desperation in the way her mouth moved scared him. It seemed like a rushed attempt to block out whatever was crushing her, to replace her thoughts with sex.

She pulled away, narrowing her eyes, “What are you doing?”

“I’m doing what you do for me. I’m being here next to you.” He said before rolling off her and falling next to her, “I’m here for you, even when you all you need is silence. I’ll be in silence with you. It doesn’t have to end with sex. It can just be us.”

She kissed his cheekbone and sunk next to him as he wrapped an arm around her. It was like a weight was lifted off of her, one where silences didn't have to be filled, but it shouldn't have come as a surprise, he was always like that with her. They just worked. “Just us.”

\-----

“Where are you going?” Jaehyun was still in bed, blankets cushioning him as he clutched Ayeon’s hand. She was trying to climb out from under the sheets after the pair of them had fallen asleep. If his hand wasn’t making it hard enough already, the sleepy eyes, mused hair, bare chest, made it all the more difficult. It was all a recipe for staying in under warm blankets.

But she wasn’t doing anymore of that. No more staying in. No more feeling beat.

“I need to run an errand.” She said, finally looking over at him, melting at the mere sight. It made her mouth water, not in lust but in comfort, in longing. He was salvation. 

It could be love.

Maybe.

“It’s almost 10PM, sweetheart. Are you sure it can’t wait?” His asked, raising his brow. It was just hours ago that she had recovered, and her hands still shook every now and then.

She pressed a knee against the mattress, leaning forward to kiss him hard, long and meaningfully. “It can’t wait, but it shouldn’t take me long. By the way, can you send me Taeil’s address? I need to drop by his place.”

“You’re leaving my bed for a married man?” He gasped before reaching for his phone. 

She rolled her eyes but brushed her fingers down his cheek, “What can I say? He’s a hunk.”

“You’re in a better mood.” He said with an honest smile while typing on his phone.

Her phone buzzed in her hand with Taeil’s address. “I’m not, but I’m not going to mop around. Soya was right, they’re always one step ahead of me but it’s because I don’t act fast enough. I think and think and think while everyone else is moving. No more of that.”

“You’re so fucking hot.” Jaehyun blurted.

Ayeon looked up from her phone, her eyes wide, “What’d you say?”

Jaehyun looked a bit taken aback before leaning against the headboard, “You’re so hot when you have that look in your eye. Like you’re about to throw someone in jail.”

“I need to go. Please don’t make it harder to do that.” She murmured before kissing him again, “And you’re pretty fine yourself, especially when you have flowers around you.” 

He squeezed her hand and something like worry flashed in his eyes. She frowned, “What’s wrong?”

“Can I say it to you? One more time?” He asked.

“Say what? What are yo—” She paused, the realization dawning on her. “Why?”

He licked his lips nervously, pulling her closer to the bed, “I don’t know. I feel like every time you leave at night, something bad happens. Just once. Please.”

She felt her throat clutch. She wondered how many times he worried over losing her and everyone else important in his life or how much it pained him to know that she was employed in a business where she’d die at any moment.

She cupped his face, thumbing over his lips, “Okay.”

“I love you.” He mumbled, his eyes locking on her face.

She gulped, a small bubble in her chest exploding at the sound of his voice, deep and gravely. She leaned towards him and kissed him one more time before kissing him again on the forehead, “I will be back before morning. Wait up for me.”

\-----

“Detective Yoo, it’s late.” Taeil grumbled as he held his door open for Ayeon.

She stepped into the foyer but made no move to get comfortable, “Sorry to bother you. I just wanted to tell you, in person, that I’m going to Detective Kyung Gyu’s house.”

He straightened up, alert, “Now?”

“I’m not waiting until someone else gets to him first.” She said with a curt nod.

“I’ll come with you.” Taeil said turning to the stairs when he stopped.

She looked past his shoulder where a little girl, no older than 5, stood, rubbing her eyes and clutching a stuffed rabbit under her arm, “Daddy.”

“Oh, monkey, why are you up?” Taeil cooed before gathering her up in his arms and bringing her close to his chest. “Mommy is at the hospital tonight, we’re going to go to grandma’s house, okay? You’re going to spend the night there.”

Ayeon frowned, “Hospital? Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yes, yes. She’s a surgeon there. She rarely gets night calls but she was scheduled for tonight. I need to drop by my mom’s house before we go, alright?” He said, gathering toys into a bag.

Ayeon stared at his daughter, pigtails uneven, pajamas patterned with little giraffes, “Taeil?”

He looked up at her while picking up his daughter’s coat, “Just give me a second.”

“Stay.” She said.

He stopped and stared at her, “What?”

“Stay home. Stay with your little girl.” She conceded softly.

Taeil frowned, “You can’t go in alone. It’s no trouble, really. My mom doesn’t live that far.”

“Stay with her.” She said with a nod.

Taeil shoved a hand through his unruly hair, “Then take Jinah with you, or Doyoung, that man spends his night up binging 90’s tv shows. It’ll give him a reason to leave his house.”

“I will. Just…just let her be with her dad.” She nodded at the girl.

He looked at his daughter, smoothing his palm over her hair, “Her name is Lia.”

She smiled slightly and waved at Lia who just squeezed her toy tighter, “I’ll see you another time, maybe with your wife.”

His eyes sparkled making her snort, “The stone-hearted Yoo Ayeon is asking me out on a double date with her _boyfriend_.”

“Have a good night, Taeil. Sweet dreams, Lia.”

\-----

She didn’t call Jinah or Doyoung.

They had their own girlfriends and families to spend their nights with. Their own people whose heart clenched whenever they strapped their gun on and walked out the door. This was her fight.

She pulled up to small rickety semi-detach that was so far out of town that she needed to stop off at a gas station to fill back up. All the lights were off and from what she could tell no one was home, especially from the small mountain of mail that had piled up by the front door.

Driving a block over, she walked back to the semi-detach, crouching behind the bushes to peek into the house. There were emptied bottles and food wrappers strewn around and a small television was playing, giving the otherwise dark apartment a cold blue glow.

She walked around the back perimeter of the house, scanning the building until she found an opened window, propped open by a bottle. She found an old lawn chair and dragged it under the window before lifting herself up over the ledge. She carefully swung a leg into the kitchen, planting her foot against the kitchen counter.

Pulling herself into the house, she climbed off the counter and tiptoed through the kitchen, weaving in and out of the different rooms, her eyes darting around corners. The television was on, so she wasn’t alone, she knew to be careful. Her hand was on her gun as she slid into the room across from the living room. It smelled like stale dust and oily fast food.

The sound of something shuffling behind her triggered her, spinning around with her gun drawn and pointed, “Put the gun down, Officer Lee.”

He looked frantic, his eyes unfocused and his hair sticking up at all angles. His hand shook as his gun stayed trained on her. “It’s you. From that bar. You and that bitch ruined my life! Why are you following me?”

“I’ll answer all of your questions once you put the gun down, Lee.” Her voice was firm but her mind raced, he looked way too unstable for her to predict what he’d do and how he’d react.

His laugh was shrill and piercing, “You broke into my house and didn’t announce yourself as an officer, I could shoot you and not be put away for it.”

“Come on, Lee, you could shoot me in broad daylight while I’m unarmed in the middle of the street and you’d still get away with it.” She hissed.

His eye twitched as he regripped his gun, “Get out.”

“Is this how it went down with Lucas? You had a gun pointed at him and told him to leave, when he didn’t you just pulled the trigger. How did it happen with Haerin? I know she wasn’t shot. How did she die?” She snapped her own rage building. She never let her emotions cloud her, but it was so easy for the anger to blast through her.

His eyes narrowed as he licked his dry lips, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Which one? You shooting Lucas or you killing Haerin, the _sixteen-year-old girl_ that you left dead by the lake?” She growled.

His breathing was harsh, she could hear every pant over the sound of the tv, “Both. I didn’t kill anyone.”

“It must’ve been easier to kill Lucas. Easy to blame it on Delco and run before anyone caught you. A bullet is more impersonal. No need to get up close and personal with your victim, to see the fear in their eyes.”

He sneered at her, “I was nowhere near that. I didn’t kill him.”

“I don't buy that. So, you just transfer around because you want a change of scenery?” She snorted, her weapon tracking his every move, “Put the gun down, Lee.”

He seethed, his eyes darting across her face before he slowly lowered his gun, setting it on the ground, “You think I get transferred because I like it? There are powerful people at play.”

She lowered her gun but kept it in her hand, not confident enough to holster it, “What are you talking about? Give me answers. You told the reporter at the bar that you helped cover up a murder, whose was it?”

“That girl you talked about. Haerin or something?” He whispered. "She'd be what? Like 21 now? Fucking hell."

Her eyes widened and her gut churned as fear ransacked her, “What did you do to her?”

“Nothing! I swear. All I did was be someone’s alibi.” He said with a nervous laugh. "I didn't touch her. I didn't even know what I was alibi-ing for until after they found her."

She matched his laugh, “Oh, just a little white lie for fun, then? That’s okay. All you did was cover for a child-killer. No big deal. Just wholehearted fun.”

“I didn’t lie for fun, I lied because if you were me, you’d do what powerful people tell you to do and hope they’ll repay the favor.” He shouted. "If they ask you to lie for them, that's what you do. You don't ask questions. It's not like anyone ever asked me for his alibi anyways." 

She narrowed her eyes, stepped towards him, “Who told you to do it? Who did you lie for?” 

He looked appalled, “Are you insane? If I gave you names, I’m a dead man walking. I’ll be erased off of the face of the earth and no one will know I’m missing. That’s how good these people are.”

“These people…do you mean the interim Commissioner?” She asked.

His eye twitched as he glanced around his house, “Watch what you say. You’re not immune, detective. They probably already have their eyes on you because you’re going around asking too many questions. They're going to ruin you, just like they did Lucas and tha girl.”

“You know, you might be trying to save yourself from being killed but there are at least two people, one of them an officer, who are already dead. The least you could owe them is an answer.” She growled. 

He shook his head, holding his hands up, “I don’t know anything about what happened to that girl. I just got a call from someone telling me that they had been with me the entire day. I said okay because I didn’t want to be pissing anyone off and I knew there would never be an investigation.”

“How would you know that?” She barked.

He scoffed, “Powerful people are never held accountable, Detective Yoo. Well, not until recently with that big CEO and hi--” 

“I don’t care about the news.” She muttered, “Who called you?”

“I can’t tell.”

She ground her teeth, her voice sounding inhuman to herself, “A young girl _died_ , doesn’t that keep you up at night? Murdered and left on her own while her family suffered. How can you just keep the name of her killer a secret? Or Lucas, a fellow officer.”

"One that was trying to pin me for making a few bad deals." He growled. 

She rolled her eyes, "You're so good as making bribery sound like a typo."

“Look, I’m sorry and I’m sorry to her too but, I just can’t.” His voice wavered, he almost sounded remorseful if she believed a word out of his mouth.

“I might actually shoot you.” She growled, adjusting her grip on her gun.

“Lucas was following me, did you know? He was taking pictures of—”

“You accepting money from criminals so that you could look the other way? Yeah, I know, that why you killed him?” She screamed, cutting him off.

He rested his hands over his head, “It wasn’t me. I wasn’t there that day. I didn’t kill him. I couldn’t because I was out of the city but you know what? He had it coming. You don't go around following fellow officers trying to expose them of their private dealings and expect no one will fight back. If he opened his mouth, we would be going to jail. You know what they do to cops in jail? It was foolish for him to assume people were going to sit around and wait for him to blow the whistle. He was playing with fire and got burned.”

“And you know by who.”

He looked hopeless, “I don't know how many times I have to say this. I really can’t tell you anything because I don’t want to die.”

“Give me _something_.” She scowled. 

He glared at her, “I saw that list that the girl published. One of those names, I bet you couldn’t find anything on him, and there’s a reason for that.”

She paused, her heart sinking. _Kim Dong Jae._ “What reason?”

“You have to leave.” He heaved out, reaching for his gun on the floor. "They're going to kill me and most likely you."

“Don’t.” She ordered and he straightened up, leaving the gun next to his feet. “I’m not walking away until I get answers. Not anymore. You don’t deserve that.”

He looked at her, desperation evident in his eyes, “The things you’d do family.”

“For fam—What?” She balked.

His laugh was dry and empty, “You and your friends were so concerned about who got the money, but you never asked who gave it. $100,000 isn’t pocket change, even if you pay it in installments. Our interim paid it. He comes from old money. He was covering up for cops in his jurisdiction when he was Chief to make his numbers look good. He was good at covering his tracks because he was going to leak the information to the press when he ran for Commissioner but then your little Scooby-Doo gang did it for him. He didn’t even have to lift a finger.”

“If that’s true, why would he do it? Why risk all of that?” She clenched her fists to stop them from trembling.

“He wanted power and control.”

She didn’t buy that. People who want power and control do it by play bureaucracies, not by paying people off and setting them up for embezzlement, “But you said something about family.”

“You’re smart, Detective Yoo, or else you wouldn’t have found me. I’ve given you enough information for you to figure it out.” He took a deep breath, “I’m not a bad man. I just made a few bad decisions that involved some gangs and then had people hold it over my head to get me to do their bidding. Evil people. I was stuck. I didn't have a choice.”

“Who?” She hissed through her teeth, “Who are the evil people?”

“I can’t tell you how to do your job. Do it yourself. I won’t risk my life for anyone, not that girl, not Lucas and not you. I’m sorry. I’d rather die than be caught pointing fingers at them.”

She spent a moment breathing heavily, pulling her thoughts from every corner of her mind and piecing them together to spit out a full, cohesive thought. “What did Lucas say to you? How did you know he was onto you?”

“He didn’t say it to me.”

“And you’re not going to tell me who he _did_ say it to, so at least tell me what he said.” She said.

He took a deep breath, “He said _the badge isn’t given to you. You need to earn it every single time._ Sound familiar?” 

\-----

_Dear Lucas,_

_I couldn’t figure out what it was about you and your feelings for me that I found so unsettling. I learned it was the guilt and responsibility I bore on your death. I also think it was because your feelings for me frightened me. No one ever liked me so honestly and genuinely. You weren’t broken or harmful. It didn’t make sense why you would have feelings for me._

_I still don’t really get it._

_But you’re gone now, I can’t really ask you, I think I’m going to stop thinking of it like it’s some curse. I think, knowing you liked and loved me actually helped me. At first, I thought it was stopping me from finding love, but I think now it’s the reason why I want to have it enter my life and be a part of who I am, I thank you for that._

_I don’t know what you’ve been working on, but I’ll try because I think we’re working on the same things, the same goals. And I would be honored to carry on the work you’re doing, to hold your name in my hands as I try to follow this thread back to where it started. And I’m honored to have served this city with you. Delco’s been arrested, I know a little bit more about your death, which is terrifying because that means everything I’ve believed this far is wrong._

_You used to always say that the badge isn’t given to you, that you need to earn it every single time. I used to think that was a load of virtue signaling bullshit. I was wrong, you said it because you meant it. I live by that philosophy now._

_I’m going to find out the truth. I’m going to bring you justice. I will not let you die in vain and let the person who did this walk free._

_Ayeon_

She stared at the letter she had scribbled on the back of her receipt as she sat on a curb under a streetlamp. Every word was genuine, but it felt shallow and superficial seeing it on paper. Crumpling it up, she tossed it in the garbage can and made her way through the city, burning the midnight oil. 

She thought Kyung Gyu would be the answer to all of her questions, but all it did was giver her more unknowns, more gaps that she needed to fill. She couldn’t stand staring at his face, weeping like he was a victim. She had to get out of there, away from him before she did something she’d regret. He was talking in circles and she wasn’t getting anything but riddles out of him.

But at least she knew that there was more to him, he was just a pawn and it was interim that was pulling the strings. Despite all the questions, she felt renewed. She had direction. She had Lee Dong Jae who had to be some sort of family member of the interim Commissioner and there was no way he could cover that up. She could track down his entire family tree if she needed to. 

She just needed to find his weak spot. His vulnerability. Everyone had one, especially the more important you were, and she was starting to think that she found his.

Family.

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Leo Tolstoy said that.

He knew that dysfunction comes in all forms, all shapes, and all toxins.

He knew that unhappy families were unique in their unhappiness, that the cracks are unique in their shapes.

It’s easier to pull the thread on unique unhappiness than on uniformed happiness.

And she was going to pull that thread until the entire thing was unspooled at her feet.


	35. rainflowers

She woke up feeling sick.

It happened again.

It had been so long since the last time that she had forgotten what it felt like. She forgot the panic, the hysteria, and the cluelessness.

She couldn’t remember the night before. 

She blacked out.

She remembered when meeting Kyung Gyu, asking him questions and leaving his house, but as she laid in bed next to Jaehyun, she couldn’t remember how she’d gotten there or what she did once she came home.

“You’re awake.”

She turned over and looked at Jaehyun who was blinking heavily with sleep heavy in his eyes. “Morning.”

He smiled lazily before reaching out to brush her hair out of her face, “We still have to talk.”

“About what?” She rasped uneasily.

His smile faltered as confusion flashed in his eyes, “I’m not sure. Last night you came here and said that you were too tired but when we woke you wanted to talk to me. Don’t you remember?”

Her mind raced, she couldn’t remember any sort of conversation like that with him, “Yeah, right. It was just about Kyung Gyu.”

She began rambling, filling him in from the events of last night that she could remember, deflecting his questions, pretending that the fear of missing chunks of her memory wasn’t debilitating. She was careful to not mention going to see Kyung Gyu personally, just telling him that a ‘source’ had provided her with information about him.

He knew she was acting odd, she could see it in how his eyes narrowed like he was more focused on watching her face than he was on listening to her. “Are you good?”

“What do you mean?” She asked with a weak smile.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I just wanted to check in with you.”

“I’m fin—I’m doing okay. Just a little distracted.” She said with an empty laugh.

He blinked at her, “With?”

“It’s not important.”

There was a beat of silence, “Who was this source, again?”

She shook her head, lying, “A confidential informant.”

She begged her mind to remember getting in bed with Jaehyun last night, talking to him, telling them they had to talk but it was just a big question mark.

“This is why you left last night?” He mumbled.

She hummed in response, looking over his shoulder, unable to hold his gaze. He was silent for a moment before leaning towards her, “You left to meet with a confidential informant before they even contacted you with information? You didn’t get a single call last night; how did you know they had something to tell you?”

She tensed, not expecting him to think about it that deeply, “I knew he had information through the grapevine, I went to him before he got spooked.”

“Is that why you went to see Taeil?” He asked with a tilt of her head.

“Why are you asking me so many questions?” She barked.

His eye twitched but he fell silent, working through his thoughts before speaking, “Because I think you’re hiding something and that worries me.”

“You don’t need to know every damn thought in my head!” She muttered, panic crawling up her throat, she wanted to stop herself, she wanted to stop sounding angry, he didn’t do anything wrong. But how was he supposed to expect the truth when she didn’t even remember events from last night?

He stared at her, stunned, “What?”

“It’s none of your business what I do and do not choose to tell you.” She cracked. “So, _stop_ asking.”

His lips parted as he watched her, he had never heard that tone from her before. His voice was low, and his words were slow like he was sounding them out as he spoke, “Why are we fighting?”

“Jaehyun…”

“Why are we fighting over this?” He repeated softly.

The urge to cry was so strong because she didn’t have an answer to that question, she didn’t know. She didn’t know why she was so prickly and why he was getting the brunt of it. He was never pushy or demanding, she _knew_ this. She knew him better than this.

She didn’t want him to see her tear up, she didn’t want him to feel guilty, she instead chose to climb out of bed and walk to her bathroom. She turned the fan and tap on and allowed herself to cry for exactly 30 seconds, forcing everything out as quickly as possible before composing herself and walking back out. She could feel him watching her as she began gathering her things, her hands shaking.

“Where are you going?” He asked quietly.

She didn’t look at him as she headed to his door, “I’m going to work. I’ll see you later.”

She left and she made sure to leave her heart behind as well.

\-----

Mina sat across from Johnny in a small café down the street from Ayeon’s apartment. He was nervously glancing around, she had to drag him out of the house, convincing him that nothing would happen to her in broad daylight at a coffee shop.

She was only able to convince him when she pointed out how he could finally get a hit of caffeine that Ayeon’s cabinets lacked. He was flipping haphazardly through a book with her ankle trapped between his, she smiled down at her computer, she liked things between them. Their relationship was slow and new, but it was all things good.

She looked back to her laptop, scanning an article from over a year ago. She soaked the details up, she remembered watching the news unfold and hoping that one day she would be able to break a story that big.

She eyed the byline _Chae Hyungwon, Senior Editor._ She had seen his name come up often, he was always at the heart of the most ground-breaking stories. It was where she wanted to be one day. 

Sighing, she pulled up the forum chat and sat up straighter when she noticed LuckyStar88’s username highlighted in green. They were online.

_[User1340ac92] I looked up cases about businessmen in the last few years. I found one big one. CEO Kim, but what does that matter? There’s no crossover._

_[LuckyStar88]_ _There’s no. They both have sons. Sons they’re willing to do anything for._

She switched back to the article, skimming it with her eyes. His son was currently being observed at a psychiatric ward. She moved back to the browser, fingers flying over the keys.

_[User1340ac92] You think this is some nepotism case? The interim is pulling strings to save his son?_

_[LuckyStar88] Yeah_

_[User1340ac92] There’s no record of a son. He has no children_

_[LuckyStar88] That we know of._

_[User1340ac92] Well, how do we find this information?_

_[LuckyStar88] No clue. Dig, I guess._

Mina chewed on the inside of her lip, thinking back to what Ayeon had said about one name on the list and it having to do with the Commissioner. Ayeon had gathered her and Jinah, Soya was trapped at work, and dispelled a wealth of information about the Commissioner and Kyung Gyu. They didn’t know how she knew so much because she kept avoiding questions about that.

She opened the list of names before scanning each name, her finger stopped at the name _Lee Dong Jae_ that she had highlighted when Ayeon couldn’t find it in the database.

It could be him.

He could be the son and that could explain why he didn’t appear in any searches. She turned back to her conversation and typed out another message.

_[User1340ac92] How do you know so much? Who are you? I want to meet you._

_[LuckyStar88] If I wanted to reveal myself, it would’ve happened already._

_[User1340ac92] What does that mean?_

_[LuckyStar88] Means I have my reasons._

\-----

Ayeon couldn’t tell if the day was long because time was just ticking by slowly or if it was because every minute of her day was spent fixating on the chunk of time missing from her memory. She had even gone as far as pulling out a small notebook and tracking her blackouts down.

There was no pattern, no link between her blackout, nothing to help her better understand what the fuck was going on with her. It freaked her out that therapy wasn’t working because that meant she had no solution.

Was she really going to live her life going from day to day not knowing when her memory would lapse on her?

The fixation helped keep her mind away from Jaehyun and the numbness in her throat at the recollection of walking away from him.

She dragged her body into her room after work and stilled when she found Jaehyun passed out, curled under her blankets like he was put on this earth for the sole purpose to live in her bed. She stepped closer in awe of the way his lips parted with steady breaths and his hair curled lazily over his brow. That disturbingly painful rock grew in her throat as she basked in him. Suddenly, the fatigue in her body evaporated.

He was phenomenal.

Regret filled her body when she thought back to walking out on him, leaving him alone when all he wanted was to make sure she was safe. When all he wanted was the truth, which shouldn’t have been so hard to do. She hated the ugliness that crept out of her when she snapped at him.

Swallowing painfully, she moved into her closet, pulling her jacket off and tossing it to the ground before staring at her wardrobe. She was ripped from her thoughts when she felt warm fingertips brush the sides of her waist where her tank top had ridden up.

She let out a sharp and audible breath and turned before colliding into Jaehyun’s chest. The warmth was searing, still wrapped up in the heat of being tucked under blankets for hours.

“You’re up.” She stated plainly.

He didn’t smile but he pulled her in, keeping his eyes pinned on her, “Hi.”

She gulped, “I’m sorry I left. I’m sorry I talked to you like that last night. I was wrong.”

“Okay.” He mumbled before kissing her.

He had this way. This way of slamming her off her equilibrium by doing the smallest things. In the way he held her, how he could sense her in a room, how when he saw her, he would light up. Light up. It threw her off.

She wondered if he knew the power he had.

If he knew how steady on her feet she normally was and how he would be the one to trip her up just by saying her name. He kissed her slowly, lazy, taking his time with her, moving his hands down her back in a way that had her sighing against his mouth. He was perfection.

He pulled away with a slow drag of her lip between his teeth, “Remember what we agreed on when it came to not running away? Talking to each other when things got hard?”

“Right.” She said softly, panting. She dropped her forehead against the curve of his shoulder, “Fuck, I’m sorry. It was just easier to run. I shouldn’t have.”

His fingers danced down her spine and she shivered as he pulled her against him, “We’ll just keep trying at it. If you want to keep things to yourself, you can. Just be safe. That’s all I need. And I want you to know that I would never judge you for whatever you needed to do to get your job done.”

“I know, thank you.” She had barely caught her breath even though his breathing seemed to never falter. Her entire body strummed in longing. “And I promise.”

He was so fucking patient with her, he really wasn’t ever going to give up on her. She fisted his shirt and pulled her towards him, letting their lips slam together far more aggressively than he had greeted her with. But he didn’t waste time, falling into her until he had her up against a rack of clothes. He lifted her up, taking her weight as she bound her legs around his waist. He slid his palms under her tank top, smoothing them up her sides until she shivered. 

“Are you gonna take my top off?” She whispered impatiently when she pulled away. He smiled deliciously and she tensed her jaw to stop herself from moaning. His smile, by far, was the sexiest thing about him. He could beam, he could grin but when he smiled slowly with eyes that told dark fairy tales, all sanity would be gone.

“Absolutely not, detective. I’m going to keep you like this for as long as I can.” She couldn’t even be irritated when he nudged her jaw aside and brushed his lips against her neck. She groaned and let her head fall back, giving him all the room to paint.

“Jaehyun—” She gasped.

“I know sweetheart, I know.” He muttered softly against her neck.

He could empathize with her frustration because it took every ounce of him not to just get on his knees and roll her onto her back against the floor of her closet. But she had things to do and if they started, there was no telling when they would end.

He leaned back and waited until her eyes regained focus. “If I keep this up, we’re going to get ourselves into trouble.”

She reveled in the fact that he was finally out of breath and dazed. She leaned her forehead against his and just stared into his eyes, wanting to capture the moment, the tension, the heat, the affection and wrap it up. He was _everything_. She licked her lips, much to his detriment, and slid her fingers through his hair. “I need to get changed.”

He hummed distractedly and just watched her, sinking his eyes into hers. It was a danger, being this close to a woman like her. He didn’t know why waking up and seeing her in her closet flushed him with affection and want. He loved being around her, her mind, her voice and fighting with her only hurt him in a way he hadn’t felt in a while.

She bit her lip, a small smile curling up as she brushed her nose playfully against his. He let out a breath and held her tighter as her arms squeezed around his neck.

“You can watch if you want.” She purred.

His jaw slacked and his eyes glazed over. “That’ll be mighty unproductive, my love.”

She stilled in his arms, her breathing hitching and her heart soaring. His smile fell as watched her face. “Shit, I’m sorry, that just came out, I didn—“

“No. It’s okay. It’s…it’s good.” She said quietly.

It was almost too much with how good it was.

With startling finality, she realized it. She realized when she stood nose to nose against this man. She realized that she loved, loved, _loved_ him. She loved him more than her mind could make sense of it.

It had to be what she was feeling because no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t think of any other word to describe it. None existed in the dictionary.

It was love.

He was love. She loved him with the entirety of her soul, and it felt pure. It felt right. Loving him, being in love with Jaehyun felt right. It was where she belonged, tucked in his heart, surviving off of his kindness and love. She was in love with him and nothing ever made her feel stronger.

“Jaehyun…” She said slowly. She could feel the giddiness bubbling, “I lo—”

A knock on her door cut her off. He groaned, lowering her to the ground to plant her feet. “The world awaits.”

“I’m going to arrest whoever’s on the other side. I swear. Life in prison.” She hissed.

His smile was beaming and causing her to raise her eyebrow, “What?”

“Nothing. You’re adorable and I can’t wait to fuck your brains out when we get back to my place.” He said cheerfully.

“Jaehyun!” She gasped, taken aback by his boldness.

He grinned and pressed her lips against his quickly, giving her hips an appreciative squeeze. “I’ll get the door, sweetheart.”

\-----

“Shit and when was the last time you blacked out?” Jinah asked as she sat by the kitchen island, a glass of wine in hand. Jaehyun had gone back to his shop after Jinah came and it finally gave her a chance to blurt her feelings out.

Ayeon chose to forgo the wine tonight, “Probably when Mina got attacked and I sent those texts that I didn’t remember sending.”

“Fuck. What did Jaehyun say?” Jinah muttered.

“Jaehyun?” She asked with a dubious laugh, “Nothing.”

Jinah frowned, “That doesn’t sound like him.”

“No, I didn’t tell him.” Ayeon admitted.

Jinah gaped at her, “What, why?”

“I don’t know. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him. He’s been so worried about me, I couldn’t watch him worry even more.” She pressed her hand against her forehead, feeling drained.

Jinah inspected her carefully, “You’ve been really stressed recently, with your mom and the stuff with Lucas. It must’ve wiped you out. Have you talked to Dr. Lee about it?”

“I don’t have the time. Whatever little time I spend not working, I like to spend with him or you guys. I try to see her, but it’s been hard recently. I’ll probably make some time in a while.” It made her sad, she had begun to look forward to seeing Dr.Lee.

Jinah looked unpleased, “Ayeon, you’re a detective, if it gets out that these blackouts are still happening, they might put you on a health level. You might have to get cleared for duty.”

“I know, but so far it’s only happened at night when I’m off my shift. I don’t think my career is in danger.” She reasoned.

Jinah shook her head before taking a sip, “Does this have to do with all that information you suddenly had about Kyung Gyu and Haerin?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It was so out of the blue, I don’t know what triggered it.” She said forlornly.

Jinah was exasperated and a little tipsy, “Why can’t you just tell us how you found all that out?”

She couldn’t. She broke into someone’s house and held them at gunpoint as a detective. She had broken so many laws that she could lose her badge if anyone found out. “It’s not important. Someone Kyung Gyu knows killed Haerin and probably Lucas too. Lucas told some of these officers what he knew, they must’ve wanted revenge.”

“Lee Dong Jae.” Jinah breathed out, remembering Ayeon and Mina talking about it before

Ayeon nodded, “We need to find him, but he doesn’t exist on the databases.”

“Try checking the graduate pictures at the precinct. I’ll ask Taeil and some others to check theirs too. Those things are never taken down, if he graduated, he’ll be up there with that name, even if it’s erased everywhere else.” Jinah suggested.

Ayeon gave her a bland look, “He could be in _any_ precinct. I can’t check all of them.”

“You need to try something.” Jinah pressed.

She nodded reluctantly, “You’re right, I just don’t know what I’d do if I get close and then have the Interim get in my way again. I’m losing ground on Haerin _and_ Lucas.”

“How did Jaehyun deal with the Haerin updates?” Jinah asked curiously.

Ayeon hummed, thumbing her glass, “Well, but I think he just numbs himself out. Until we have someone confessing to her murder, he’s not getting his hopes up.”

Mina walked through the front door, interrupting them while heaving her bag with her, “Hi guys.”

Ayeon nodded at her, “Where’s Johnny?”

“He got a call and had to leave, he walked me to the door. What are you guys talking about?” She asked as she pulled up a stool.

“Just catching up.” Jinah said off-handedly.

Mina nodded and leaned against the counter, looking at Ayeon, “Are you spending the night with Jaehyun?”

“Not tonight. He spent the morning with me, so he has to stay late to do inventory, I felt bad being a distraction.” He had insisted that he’d be fine if she wanted to come over, but they were awful at staying focused whenever they were alone.

Mina smiled as she spun side to side in her chair, “That’s great! I haven’t seen much of you lately.”

“We can watch a movie. I have popcorn.” Ayeon murmured, leaning her head on her hand.

“You guys are so adorable.” Jinah quipped sarcastically.

Ayeon stood with a laugh and walked to her room when her phone began ringing.

Mina turned to Jinah, smiling at her politely before her eyes dropped to her neck, “Oh, cute necklace by the way, I saw it before but kept forgetting to mention it.”

Jinah’s hand flew to the simple chain hanging around her neck, “Oh, thanks. My girlfriend bought matching ones for us.”

She smiled. “That’s sweet. Does it have a special meaning?”

She looked down at the star pendant in fondness. “She used to call me her lucky star when we first started dating.”

Mina’s smile froze on her face. “Wh-what?”

Jinah glanced at her watch before standing, “Sorry, I gotta go, I promised Soya to drop by her office with dinner. Jinah shot Mina a smile, “See you around.”

Mina could only stare, dumbfounded, as Jinah finished her glass and pulled her jacket on. The minute she closed the door, she ran out of her seat, bursting into Ayeon’s room, finding her ending her call and setting her phone down, “How old is Jinah?”

Ayeon looked up at her with a surprised look, “Jinah? Um…32 this year. Why?”

Mina’s mind raced as she did the math. If Jinah was 33 that would mean she was born in 1987. Mina let out a long-relieved breath, “Oh, never mind, I was confused, I uh, thought she was born in 1988 for some reason.”

Ayeon tilted her head before clicking her tongue.

“88? Oh, no, that’s Soya’s birth year, not Jinah’s.”

\-----

“Soya, how is the Delco case going?”

Soya dug the heel of her stiletto into the hard word floor, “We’re still trying to explain the inconsistency of the shell casings found at the scene. I’m looking for a ballistics expert that could testify to that.”

“To the inconsistency? Why?” He asked incredulously.

She blinked at the City’s Attorney, “We need to explain it to the judge.”

“And how is that supposed to help prosecute him?” He asked, raising a brow.

“It won’t, but his defense is going to come at us with it. We need to be prepared. Our strategy to tie his drug activities to him, the shooting’s evidence is shaky at best.” She pointed out, scanning the notes in her hands.

The City’s Attorney looked unconvinced, “We cannot prosecute him without going after him for killing Lucas. It’ll look bad on us for not going after a cop killer.”

“If we go after him for both, we might not win either of them. We’ll lose the shooting argument and that’ll make us look weaker for the drug linkage. We’ll be undercutting our own argument.” She said back, quelling her anger, “We need to go after the case that we have the best evidence for and that’s the drug charge.”

His jaw tensed, “Soya, I’m not asking for your advi—”

“I agree with her.”

Soya stiffened and twisted her body in her seat to see the Commissioner standing behind her in the doorway. The City’s Prosecutor stood and bowed, “Sir, what do I owe the pleasure?”

Soya rolled her jaw and slowly stood, smoothing out her skirt and gave him a half-hearted bow. “Sir.”

“I’m your boss, I wanted to check in on how you and your team are doing.” He said with a jovial smile.

“We’re always happy to see you.” The City’s Attorney said with a grin so fake that it could be plastic.

He walked into the room before standing next to Soya’s chair, “I was saying, I agree with this young lady over here. Maybe we should lean off of Delco.”

“Why do you think that?” The City’s Attorney asked, his voice saccharine.

“I think it’s foolish for us to think that someone who kept violence minimal, would suddenly fire at two officers. It’s risky to pin him on both.” He mused.

The City’s Attorney suddenly looked intrigued and Soya wanted to scream. “What do you suggest we do?”

He smiled and looked at Soya, “Would you excuse us, Madam Prosecutor?”

She grit her teeth and nodded before standing and walking past him, refusing eye contact. It did not bring her any ease that he was taking her side and applying the same logic as she did. In fact, it made her feel worse, he was going to do something with the fact that Lucas’s murder had no suspects and she didn’t know what.

She muttered curses under her breath while pulling her phone out, switching it on. She closed the door to her office and sat down, scrolling through her missed messages before stopping at one in particular.

_[User1340ac92] We need to talk. ASAP._

Soya touched the pendant hung around her neck, playing with the little silver star as she stared at the message. She had been playing it too risky with this person she was messaging. She was rarely active on the forum, she always feared that one day it’d be tracked to her, but the last few weeks she spent messaging this person opened her eyes to just how much she knew and how little she did about it.

She looked through her glass walls to the City Prosecutor’s office where the Commissioner was seated, talking to him. Looking back at her phone, she typed out a short message back.

_[LuckyStar88] What?_

She tossed her phone aside and started reviewing the case notes and making a small list of people she had to interview before Delco’s court date.

“Soya?”

She looked up at one of her paralegals, “Yeah?”

“There’s something we found that we want to show you.”

She stood with her notebook, walking out with her, leaving her phone behind, missing a message that popped up just as she closed the door behind her.

_[User1340ac92] I know who you are._

\-----

It happened when she was walking towards Jaehyun’s store. She had just left the precinct after floating through the strange atmosphere that surrounded her.

Stranger than usual.

Instead of glares and sneers, her colleagues just refused to make eye contact altogether. None of them looked her way at all. They kept their heads down whenever she passed by. It was only Daemin who made eye contact but even he was acting strange, he smiled but it wasn’t in the cheerful way he normally did.

It felt like she was transported to another universe, one where she was neither hated nor loved, she was invisible, unnoticed and although that had been what she had hoped for, the abrupt nature unnerved her. Jinah had been called out of the precinct but Ayeon was positive that she would’ve noticed the same change in everyone.

But yeah, it all made a whole lot more sense when she climbed down the stairs of the precinct and was about to cross the street to Jaehyun’s shop.

She was confident she could do it now, after all the uncertainty and fear, it finally felt right. She was going to convince him to take an extended lunch break and then tell him.

She would tell him that she was incredibly, irrevocably, in love with him.

But that didn’t end up happening.

She never made it to him.

Thomas Hauser said that being a good police officer is one of the most difficult, dangerous, idealistic jobs in the world.

He was right but it was still funny.

A profession that was driven by justice was the first to attack anyone holding them accountable for it.

“Detective Yoo Ayeon?”

She turned and narrowed her eyes at the three uniformed officers standing behind her, “Yes, how can I help you, officers?”

“Detective Yoo Ayeon, you are under arrest.” One stated before walking towards her with handcuffs.

She stepped back, astounded, “What? What are you talking about? On what charge?”

“First degree murder. The body of Officer Lee Kyung Gyu was discovered this morning.”


	36. cyclamens

_Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage. – Richard Lovelace_

It’s where your mind goes, how it traps you, locks you up and hides the key behind your own back.

Typically, your mind jails you when you experience great pain, horrific trauma or just so much emotion at once that it cages you up to protect you from yourself.

The minute the cuffs were on her, her mind slowed down, it immobilized her to the point where they had to yank on her arm to get her to walk to their car. It was too much that she didn't resist or demand answers, she just followed like a docile little child. They shoved her head in with more force than they needed, and she watched Jaehyun’s shop disappear into the distance. She felt her soul leave her body then, and stare down at herself in a fugue state because this couldn't be happening, there was no way this was happening. 

How could she be arrested for murder?

An itch crawled up her throat, but she was furious that night, furious at Kyung Gyu's uselessness, furious at how weak he was, and how he helped destroy the lives of so many people. She was hyped up on her emotions when she wrote that letter to Lucas. Maybe she went back to his house. Maybe he drew his gun on her again and maybe this time, she fired. 

"Let's go."

There was a high pitched ringing in her ear when she reached another precinct, one that looked vaguely familiar but she was also halfway out of her mind when they swung the car door up and nearly heaved her out. She didn’t know how she managed to make her feet work long enough to make it up to the stairs but it wasn’t until she stepped into the precinct that she realized where she was.

This was Taeil and Doyoung’s precinct.

Her mind began to float, and she wondered if they were around, or if they were notified in advance that she was about to be arrested. She wondered which other of her friends knew.

She was led past the graduating pictures when she stopped abruptly, her eyes landing on one particular picture. Her eyes widened as she read the name, the face was so familiar that it nearly made her sick. Her feet were rooted as she memorized every feature, her mind stumbling to try to keep up with what she was looking at.

“Keep it moving.” A gruff voice behind her ordered before they pushed at her shoulder, dragging her to an interrogation room. She was silent as she was read her rights again before two detectives she had never seen before sat down in front of her.

"Yoo Ayeon, you've been charged with the murder of Office Kyung Gyu, do you understand?" 

There was a beat of silence, where her brain paused, trying to sort through her emotions, deciding on what she was going to feel. Then the lock clicked, and the prison door swung open.

And she started to laugh.

It started as a snort, then grew to a chuckle, a giggle, a chortle and then she was holding onto her stomach, leaning forward laughing so hard that the people watching her from the other side of the glass was stunned speechless.

Insanity is the act of doing something over and over again with the expectation of different results.

She kept fighting evil thinking she'd actually win.

Maybe she had been insane all along.

\-----

His steps were powerful, thundering, commanding the room as everyone froze, parting ways to let him walk past them like a tour de force.

His steps echoed through the entire precinct with the type of authority that could send shockwaves through anyone brave enough to stand in his way. There was no polite demeanor, no mild-mannered smiles and gentle words. There was a fit of brash anger and a hardened scowl as he stopped in front of the receptionist.

“Detective Yoo. Where is she being questioned?” He hissed.

The receptionist looked up, annoyance on her face until she saw him standing in front of her, “Offic—”

“I asked you a question.” He growled out.

She gulped, her eyes fluttered around nervously, “Umm…no Detective Yoo isn’t being questioned here. No one is.”

He glared at her, his jaw tense, “Then why did someone just walk out of that interrogation room?”

“Oh…” She looked over her shoulder before facing him, “That’s...um...something else?”

His eye twitched before he stormed past her, drowning out her complaints and rushed footsteps that were chasing after him. He swung the door open to the viewing room and slammed it shut behind him, locking her out. He turned to where Jinah, Taeil, and Doyoung stood, watching him.

“Jaehyun?”

“What the fuck is going on?” He hissed, turning to stare through the glass where Ayeon was seated alone, her hair falling limply over her shoulders and her face taut with exhaustion.

Taeil frowned, “You can’t be here, Jaehyun. You’re not a cop anymore and civilian access to interrogations are not permissible.”

“Don’t patronize me. I’m not just some civilian.” He muttered venomously.

“Not like Detective Yoo knows.” Doyoung muttered under his breath before looking at Jaehyun, “I heard she has no clue you used to be a cop. Nice going. Real healthy and honest relationship you have there.”

Jinah rolled her eyes, “Shut up, Doyoung.”

He glared at her, “I’m sorry, you’ve all kept me out of the loop for so long, look at this clusterfuck of a mess she’s in now. If I were her, the last thing I’d want to know is that the guy I’m boning used be a cop and hid it from me.”

“It’s a murder charge, slightly more important than relationship drama. Lee Kyung Gyu was found shot to death inside his home.” Taeil said loudly, cutting Doyoung a look. 

Jaehyun’s eye twitched but he didn’t budge, “She’s being railroaded. She had nothing to do with that, Ayeon would never murder someone and if she did, it’s because she followed protocol in the line of duty. You know this entire thing is because she’s been poking around the new Interim and Lucas’s death.”

“She was the last one to see him alive.” Taeil said quietly.

Jaehyun stiffened before slowly moving his gaze to him, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“She came to me that night, I told her that if she wanted to see Kyung Gyu, that she should take me or Jinah or Doyoung. She came to me so that we’d go together and I agreed but she saw Lia and told me to stay with her. I asked her to take someone with her and she said she would. She didn’t.” Taeil said softly.

Jaehyun felt his chest seize up as memories snapped in his mind, “She left late that night, she asked for Taeil’s address and said she had an errand to run.”

He told her he loved her that night because he had a feeling something would go terribly wrong and he was right. What he wouldn't give to have tried harder to convince her to stay in bed with him, “Why did they bring her to this precinct?”

“Conflict of interest.” Jinah muttered, “I’m her team lead, Soya is a prosecutor that works with us. It’s messy. Plus they probably didn't want to give her home court advantage.” 

“Where is Soya, anyways?” Doyoung asked, glancing at his watch.

Jinah shook her head, “At work, I don’t think they told her what happened. They’re trying to distract her by sending her all over the city for work. They don't want her helping even though she can't legally.”

“I can’t believe they really arrested her.” Taeil breathed out, “There’s no way she would’ve killed him.”

Doyoung crossed his arms, “Wouldn’t make sense. Even if she was mad, she’d want him alive to testify to whatever she thought he did.”

Jinah resisted the urge to kick him, Doyoung never parsed his words, “And she’s a good person.”

“Whether or not she’s a good person doesn’t matter. What matters is motive and as of now, she doesn’t have one unless you claim she was just so angry she wasn’t rational.” Doyoung muttered.

Jaehyun shook his head, “This is bullshit. This is fucking bullshit. They’re using her to cover up Kyung Gyu's murder and all the other fucked up crap they probably covered up on both Commissioners' command. Fucking assholes.”

“Wow.” Doyoung deadpanned, “If you smelled like whiskey and slurred your words it’d be just like before you quit.”

Jaehyun tensed his jaw, a sharp barb on his tongue, whenever he was in his precinct, the worst sides of him always found a way of creeping out. He hated falling into old habits.

“Detective Yoo.”

Everyone turned to the interrogation room where Ayeon was seated, her hand fisted in her hair, “What?”

The detective across from her scoffed before smiling the way a shark would around prey, “Do you recognize this man?”

He slid a glossy piece of paper, faced down, towards her before he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. She frowned and picked up the sheet, flipping it over and staring at it. Her eyes widened and she fought ever urge to swallow the rock down her throat. She slowly set the picture on the table, faced down again before speaking.

“I’m bad with faces. Sorry.”

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes, unsettled, “She’s lying. Why? Whose picture was that?”

Everyone around him shrugged but his question was quickly answered when the detective reached across the table and flipped the picture over, revealing the face for all to see. Jaehyun stiffened, his stomach churning frantically as he stared at the familiar man.

“Who the fuck is that?” Doyoung hissed, leaning closer to the glass to get a better look.

Jinah frowned, “I have no clue.”

Jaehyun stayed silent as he stared at Ayeon’s face, tensed and tired. The detective tilted his head with a Cheshire smile, “Chae Wong. A loan shark to end all loan sharks. He’s pretty infamous in this city but he’s managed to avoid all interactions with the police but somehow, when we traced you to him, he was all too willing to talk. Want to know what he said?”

“I don’t think I have a choice.” Ayeon deadpanned.

Jaehyun’s brow twitched and Jinah sighed, “She needs to stop with the attitude.”

“Because she knows she’s being framed.” Jaehyun muttered.

Taeil hummed, “I’m not sure she knows that.”

Jaehyun looked over at Taeil in confusion but before anyone could speak, the detective cut in.

“He said and I quote, ‘That dumb bitch shoved her gun down my mouth and told me that she was going to kill me if I didn't leave that guy alone, and she said she was a cop, so she’d know how to get away with killing me.’ How close does that sound to you, Detective?” He said, looking up from the piece of paper he was reading from.

She looked up at him, her throat constricting, “What does this have to do with Kyung Gyu’s murder?”

“We also have security footage of you breaking into Detective Huang’s computer late at night. So, tell me, Detective Yoo, what explanation do you have for us this time? Or do you just like committing crimes for fun?”

“I still don’t see the relevance to what I was charged with.” She ground out.

He nodded in a way that made her feel like she had just stepped into a bear trap and trying to step out, would just clamp her foot shut in bloody pain, "Fair enough, so why don't you tell us about this?"

He opened his laptop, hit a few buttons before turning it to her. She watched as security footage played of her at the bar where she had found Mina, but the part where Kyung Gyu was touching Mina was cut out, instead, she watched herself slam Kyung Gyu's head against the counter twice. "Pretty easy to see the relevance of this video, isn't it? You attacked him, in uniform, Detective Yoo." 

"I think slamming his head on a bar top is more than attacking, wouldn't you?" The other detective chirped. 

She shook her head, "Did you crop the part where he was sticking his hand up that girl's dress or did you hire someone to do it for you?"

Jaehyun closed his eyes, "She was so angry when she found out Mina went to that bar alone."

"He was a creep." Jinah fired out. "And please tell me that wasn't your loan shark."

"It is. I didn't know she did that, I just thought she threatened to arrest him or something." Jaehyun said softly. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she went jail based on the evidence of something she did for him.

"You have anger issues and your psychiatrist told us that you have been having some gaps with your memory. Namely, the night of Kyung Gyu's murder. Doesn't make you the most reliable person, does it?”

That brought a reaction out of her, “That’s confidential.” She hissed.

“You realize Ms. Lee is a precinct mandated psychiatrist, right? The Commissioner compelled her to talk.” He said with a smirk.

Of course, he did.

“It’s _Doctor_ Lee.” She corrected.

Jinah’s lips twitched, almost smiling, “She has no sense of priorities.”

“Her blackouts are back?”

Everyone turned to Jaehyun who was staring helplessly at Ayeon, “When did they come back?”

“The day that she went to see Kyung Gyu.” Jinah said delicately.

Doyoung chewed on his lip, “She didn’t tell you?”

Jaehyun closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and staring back longingly at Ayeon who was holding her head in her hands. “No, she didn’t.”

"This isn't looking good." Taeil murmured. 

“This is all circumstantial.” Ayeon fired back. “Just things I’ve done on separate occasions. None of it has to do with his death.”

The detective blinked at her for a moment before smiling, “Well, then I guess it helps that we found your fingerprints in his house and a bullet from _your_ gun inside Detective Kyung Gyu.”

Ayeon’s eyes widened and she moved her hands onto her lap where she could hide the vicious trembling. Did she shoot him? She hadn’t checked her gun since she got home that night, she had no idea if she was missing bullets from her round and she had no idea if she was the one that fired them. She forced herself to remember if her gun ever felt hot that night or if she remembered the long bang of it firing.

She came up blank.

Maybe...maybe she did it. 

Maybe she got mad.

Maybe she just wanted to handle it herself. 

Jinah gripped Taeil’s elbow in panic, “Is that true?”

Jaehyun felt his body tremble, “Go call Soya, now.”

“I’d like my lawyer.” Ayeon whispered.

\-----

“Shownu.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line before Soya heard a surprised response, “Soya? Valedictorian Soya? Top of the class Soya? The most successful alumnus of our graduating class Soya? As I live and breathe, what do I owe this honor?”

She couldn’t muster up a smile as she stared at her shoes, frowning at the scuff mark on her patent leather heels. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“Soya, the last time I saw you was when you showed up to my wedding for exactly 20 minutes and then you were out the door and in court for a case the second we said ‘I do.’ I haven’t seen you since. You know I have a daughter now.” He said, an amused laugh clipping the end of his sentence.

She clicked her tongue, “Yes and she’s adorable. I send her those cute little outfits every year. Shownu, I’m sorry, I wanted to see you guys more, but things got busy after I prosecuted the Kim case.”

“Relax, Soya, I’m just fucking with you, but I’m guessing this isn’t just a catch-up call between old law school buddies.” He said.

She took a deep breath, her throat burning with tears, “I called you because...do you know any good criminal defense attorneys?”

“What? No. All my contacts are in corporate or insurance law. Why?” His voice fell an octave, what it always did when he was serious. "Soya, why do you need a criminal lawyer?"

She began to pace, “I need one. A friend…she’s in a rough spot, I need someone good.”

“You must’ve argued hundreds of cases against criminal attorneys. You’re saying none of them good?” He asked incredulously.

She chewed on the side of her thumb, “Not good enough to defend a cop.”

“Fuck, what the hell happened? Why do you need to defend a cop?” He asked disbelievingly.

She crouched down, feeling herself slipping, “Shownu, maybe I lied a little. I don’t need a good criminal defense attorney. I need you.”

“Soya, I’m corporate.” His voice softened and she squeezed her eyes shut.

She could taste the desperation, “But you studied to go into criminal law. And you _care_.”

“I don’t even know the case or the person I would be defending.” He exclaimed in exasperation.

He never got expressive unless she was winning him over. She needed him on her side, “Trust me. You will read this case and you will want to take it. I know you. This is the reason you even went into law.”

"I went into law because of Gunhee." He said deeply. 

She felt her eyes water, "Well if we don't do something soon, this could be my Gunhee."

“How fast do I need to be down there?”

\-----

“We’ve checked as many precincts as we could in the last 2 hours.” Taeil said as they gathered outside of the steps to his precinct. “We couldn’t find a single Lee Dong Jae.” 

Jinah and Soya looked at them despondently, they had been so restless that they all dug through Ayeon's case notes trying to find something that would prove her innocence, “He’s the only person we could’ve used. Ayeon thought he was related to the Interim.”

Soya looked over at Jaehyun who seemed to be in a trance, “Did Mina have anything useful?”

“Huh? Oh, no. She thinks he could be the Interim's son. She said she’ll keep digging, she has some tech-y friends who’ll help see what they can find.” He said. He turned to Soya, “By the way, she keeps asking about you.”

Soya made a face, “I kinda have more important things to deal with, sorry, but the son angle, she's onto something. Ayeon was looking into a relative, protecting a son is a good motive.”

Doyoung took a deep breath before speaking out the words everyone else was too afraid to admit to, “If we can’t find anything, she’ll have to spend the night in holding. I don’t think your lawyer friend will have an easy time getting her released.”

“The bail hearing is tomorrow. They’re going to want to move this quickly before she can even build a defense.” Jaehyun said, his head pounding. 

Doyoung laughed dryly before turning to Jaehyun, “I bet you’re glad you quit. This would’ve happened to you if you kept on Haerin’s case.”

Jaehyun stilled, his eyes widening as she slowly lifted his head up to stare Doyoung down, “What did you just say?”

Taeil stiffened, moving to stand between them, “He wasn’t making a dig at you, Jaehyun.”

“No, what did you mean? When you said that this would’ve happened to me?”

Doyoung looked at him incredulously, “What did you think this whole thing was about? If we believe she didn’t kill that gu—”

“She didn’t.”

“ _If_ she didn’t kill that man, then there’s a reason why they’re trying to pin it on her. If you had stayed and badgered the higher ups about your sister, they would’ve done the same to you to shut you up, in fact, I think they were going to. I think they were going to use your drinking problem to fuck you over.” He said, pointing his finger at him.

Jaehyun was stunned, “What are you talking about?”

“I heard things, about the old Commissioner being pressured into investigating you a week before you quit. I never told you because I thought it'd trigger you."

Jaehyun softened, "Doyoung..."

He shook his head, waving him off, "I helped Taeil and Ayeon find that picture of your sister which, if I had to guess, means that she’s been doing her own digging into Haerin, so they’re going after her the same way they were planning on going after you. They want to shut her up.”

“She was also digging into the new Interim’s dirty past. She was looking into Lucas’s murder, too. There were plenty of reasons.” Soya said.

He shrugged, "That just means she was an even bigger threat to Lee Dong Jae and the Interim. More reason to quiet her." 

“You think she's being targeted because she looked into Haerin, Lucas and Lee Dong Jae and that they're somehow all connected?" 

Taeil snorted, "It'd be one hell of a coincidence if it wasn't."

Doyoung raised his brow, "Well, I think your girl had a case going that Lee Dong Jae killed Haerin, that probably put her right in their crosshairs after she started making a connection about Lucas and Lee Dong Jae. That's likely the reason Haerin's file was redacted and Lucas's computer was wiped on the Interim's order. Everything starts and ends with this Lee Dong Jae guy and the Interim."

Jinah spoke quietly but her voice had hardened over, "If this is true then Soya's right, if he's the Interim's son and he killed a teenager and a detective, that's enough reason for a father to go to insane lengths to pin it on someone else as a cover-up. And who better to pin it on that the one person who is trying to expose the truth."

Jaehyun's closed his eyes like he was waiting to get hit, "She--Shit. I didn't know that she was looking into him because of Haerin, she said it was just Lucas." 

"How would they have even known what she was up to?" Soya asked.

Taeil chewed on his lip, "Maybe they were watching her."

"Oh fuck." Jaehyun whispered, "She was looking up each name that was on Mina's blacklist, his name didn't bring up any results so the girls flagged it. The Interim could've tracked her database searches and saw her look up Lee Dong Jae. That's why Mina was attacked and her room was ransacked, because of that name on the USB, they didn't want anyone looking into it. Then after the attack, Ayeon put it through her searches."

Doyoung let out a breath and looked over at everyone, their faces were tense, and they were distracted, it was always bad when cases were personal, people tend to lose their perspective, “They’re probably going to tie this to Lucas’s death, now.”

“What?” Jaehyun’s voice curled into an animalistic growl.

Doyoung shook his head, “I didn’t think anything of it until they brought up Lucas’s computer. Everything else they used was about her being violent or aggressive, that piece of evidence was different. It wasn't violent but important enough for them to use as proof. Soya said that the Commissioner was laying off the Delco angle for Lucas’s murder, my Sherlockian guess is that they’re going to say that she’s some rouge violent cop with a history of throwing her badge around to get what she wants and using her status as a cop to cover up crimes and that Lucas caught onto her dealings. She was with him that night, right? They’ll say she lured and killed him before he exposed her. And it'll be easy to prove that if they can convict her on Kyung Gyu's murder.”

“Doyoung, that’s messed up.” Taeil said.

Doyoung just smiled grimly, “Yeah, because it’s the truth. It’s obvious what they’re doing. Every little thing Ayeon has ever done will be used to implicate her, even her being banned from his funeral will be used against her.”

Jinah shook her head, “That’s insane.”

“Tell me that you don’t think they’re entirely capable of pinning everything on her. They probably know she’s working with Mina and they want to get rid of a threat by making her into a villain. It’s genius if it wasn’t so messed up.” Doyoung said.

Jaehyun stared at his feet in thought, "And we still have no idea how Lucas and Lee Dong Jae are connected now that Lucas's computer has been wiped."

Soya sighed, "He's probably the one with the most to lose because of who his father or maybe he's the only one who ever figured out that Lucas was watching him." 

"I should’ve protected my team bettter. Damn it.” Jinah muttered.

Doyoung was right, Jaehyun could feel himself going back 5 years when an unfiltered rage ran its course in his system every time he was around cops.

He wanted to destroy something, the same way he did when Haerin died and no one would listen to him. But back then, he just turned on himself and quit, but now, now he was a different man. And he wasn’t going to sit back and wait until _after_ they take Ayeon away from him to do something about it.

“Well then, if this is how they’re going to play, let’s make it a game.”

\-----

Jaehyun was the last one to see Ayeon in the little metal room that they were keeping her in until her bail hearing. Jinah had to scream and threaten everyone in the building before Shownu swooped in with the legal jargon that allowed her to see visitors.

He didn’t go last because the others were more important, it was because he was letting every other person standing next to him go in first.

He needed to build up the courage. He needed to be able to face her.

She was already seated when he entered, the guard barking out the rules about not touching or passing items to each other as he was led to sit down across the table from her. She was still wearing her own clothes, but her face was stripped of her makeup and her hair hung limply from the harsh shampoo of detention showers. 

After all the time he spent standing outside the door, letting everyone go in ahead of him, he didn’t actually figure out what he’d say to her when he was finally let in, so she spoke first.

“I learned something weird today.” She said quietly. Her tone was so detached and distant that it sent shivers down his spine.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and tightened his grip around the phone, “What’d you learn?”

“That you used to be a cop. I saw your graduating picture on the wall, you had black hair. You were younger, skinnier. What? Like 7 years ago? 22 and you were a rookie. Fuck.”

He let out a shallow breath, his head dropping in shame, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell yo—”

“How is it fair that you told me to trust you, to not run away, to talk about whatever’s bothering me while you were hiding something from me the entire time?” She muttered. “You were so, so, righteous about everything.”

He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t think of a single word that could make her feel any better, that could fix what he had done.

She shook her head in disbelief and looked away, “I’ve been arrested. I might have killed a man and I don’t even remember doing it, yet somehow all I can think about is why, of all the things about your past that you were comfortable sharing with me, this was the one you chose to hide.”

“I didn’t want you to see me as a cop.” He admitted; his voice low. It took every ounce of his self-restraint not to punch through the bulletproof glass and hold her, to touch her, to hug and apologize over and over again for mistakes he couldn’t walk back. “I’m not that person anymore and I just wanted to have one person in my life know me for who I am now. Not the cop I used to be. I liked being the florist to you. It didn’t make me feel dirty.” 

She shook her head weakly, “I bore my entire soul to you, every dirty and traumatic event that stunted my growth and made me into the person I am today. You couldn’t even tell me where you used to work.”

“I know, it was selfish of me to hide my scars while you showed me yours. I didn’t know your blackouts were back.” He said.

“Don’t you dare guilt me.” She seethed out.

“I’m not. I just—I just didn’t know they were back.” He said firmly, “Ayeon, I am fighting for you. You can be mad at me, hell, you deserve to be mad at me, but I will not let them railroad you into a murder case. I know this system; I know what they’re pulling, and I will not let it happen. I--I didn't know you had a theory about Lee Dong Jae killing Haerin and Lucas, we're trying to track him down. Why didn't you tell me?”

She glared at him, "I didn't want to put you through that pain if didn't have more proof. It would've killed you if I was wrong. I couldn't stand putting you through that."

"You don't have to protect me so much." He said softly.

"Right, because you're a cop, you used to protect people for a living."

She looked away and he was at her mercy again, “H-How, how are they treating you?”

"Doesn't matter." She said curtly.

He looked stunned, "Of course it matters." 

“I might’ve done it.” She said it so quietly that it was almost like she was mouthing it.

He sat back as if she pushed him, “What?”

“I have no memory of that night. Maybe I went back to his house, maybe he came after me, I don’t know. Maybe that’s what I wanted to talk about when I said that we had something to talk about in the morning. Those detectives were right. I _do_ act…differently when I’m mad or threatened. I get protective, I get vicious.” She clenched her fists against her knees.

“You need to stop talking.” Jaehyun whispered. “You have a lawyer now. You only say what he tells you to say, you will _not_ tell anyone this, okay? You will enter every conversation as if you have total confidence in your innocence. If the prosecution thinks you’re doubting yourself, they’ll use that to force you into confessing.”

“It’s so bizarre.” She mumbled, “Hearing you talk like a cop.”

His shoulders dropped, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s almost funny, when I think back to those times when you connected the dots to cases or pieces of evidence that had me stumped. You noticed it was strange that the hostage knew that one bank teller’s name, you talked me through all of Mina’s evidence, you’re the one who told me to go back and look at Lucas’s computer, you told me how to talk to Kyung Gyu’s old partner to get information out of him. It’s because you used to be a cop, you knew how to think like one.”

“I’m so—”

“Stop apologizing, I can’t take it.” She muttered. “You even joked that you’d make an awful detective, fucking hell.”

“Ayeon, I wish I co—”

“Why was this so bad that you couldn’t tell me? You told me about your sister and your drinking but you couldn’t tell me this?” She balked.

He looked down wordlessly, he didn't have a good enough reason for her and she scoffed.

"I looked into your sister's case, why didn't it mention anywhere that her brother was a police officer?" She asked.

He shifted in his seat, "They kept my name out of it. The press was kept on a tight leash with the case, I used to think it was because the precinct actually cared about my well-being but it turned out they just didn't want anyone looking too closely at the case." 

"And you never thought to mention it? Not when you told me about you and Jinah, not when you mentioned your last job, you were just never going to tell me, were you?."

It felt like he was being choked, "Ayeon please." 

“I want to leave.” She said loudly before standing.

He wanted to touch her, to bring her back to him, to go back in time and be more honest like he had asked her to be, “Wait.”

She turned away and he watched with his lips parted, as the guard took her by the arm and pulled her through the doors, far from him and into the belly of the beast.

And he wasn't sure he could get her back.


	37. jasmines

“Hey Soya, do you have a second?”

Soya glanced over her shoulder where Mina was trailing behind her, trying to keep up. Her best friend was being arrested for murder; she didn’t have a second to spend on anyone else. Not when she couldn’t even be Ayeon’s lawyer to defend her herself.

“I’m in a rush, Mina. Another time.” She muttered.

Mina ran in front of Soya, holding her arms out to stop her, “I know it’s you.”

Soya raised her brow with a resigned sigh, “You know what is me?”

“I know who you are.” Mina said firmly.

Soya made a face, “Um…great. Are you okay? Is this some delayed side effect from getting stabbed?”

“Soya, it’s me.” Mina said defiantly. 

Soya patted her shoulder, “Mina, I think you need to go to the hospital for a check-up, you’re not making sense.”

“It’s me. It’s m—” She huffed in exasperation before pulling out her phone and typing furiously on it.

A second later, Soya’s phone chimed, and she pulled it out, staring at the message.

_[User1340ac92] It’s me._

\-----

“I should’ve known. I can’t believe I didn’t it put together that the one person who’s avidly going after the Commissioners was the same person replying to my old forum post.”

She had dragged Mina, by the arm to a small emptied coffee shop, shoving the both of them into a desolate corner booth where no one could hear them.

“How did you know?” She muttered.

Mina sighed, “The username. I talked to Jinah, she told me how you used to call her your lucky star and then I realized your date of birth and well…”

“Damn it.” Soya grumbled.

Mina smiled a little, “I thought it was sweet.”

Soya rolled her eyes, “It was back when I first met her. She worked on my…on my domestic abuse case.”

“Oh, were you the prosecutor on it?” She asked.

“No.” Soya said quietly, “I was the victim.”

Mina’s eyes widened, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s in the past. The conversations we’ve been having, we can’t let anyone know. I could get fired.” Soya said seriously.

Mina frowned at her, “Why do you even keep working there if you know how evil the place is?”

“Because even if my boss is corrupt, I am still doing good. I am still fighting for justice. It wasn’t until all this stuff that you came out with what you had, I realize that I couldn’t pick and choose my injustices.”

“It’s insane that it was you all this time. You helped me expose him, you gave me places to look.” She said, her eyes moony.

Soya shook her head, “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m lucky it was you and not someone who wanted to expose _me_ for running my mouth. I just wanted to release my frustration without risking my identity.”

“You don’t know who his kid is?” Mina asked eagerly. 

She shook her head, “No, I know he has one because years ago I overheard him talking to him on the phone when he stepped out of a meeting with the old Commissioner. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to it because he wasn’t important back then, I didn’t think he’d ever be. He was just some Chief from a random district. But when you started asking questions, I found out that his son was a cop but there’s no record of him, maybe he’s been transferred, maybe he quit, maybe he’s been shipped out of the country. But one thing I know for sure is that the children of powerful people are liabilities, and their parents will lie, cheat and steal to cover up their mistakes.”

“Ayeon thinks it’s Lee Dong Jae. The one guy on my blacklist who we couldn’t track down, he doesn’t have a single personnel file in the database.” Mina offered. 

Soya laughed dryly, “You’re not going to track him down, we already tried, he’s hidden by someone who, the second you think you’ve found him, will just whisk him away and hide him somewhere else. There's no point chasing ghosts.”

“We can’t give up. Ayeon thinks Lucas might’ve been after him.” Mina was determined.

Soya leaned back in her chair in thought, “You can’t be seen anywhere near this, you’re too recognizable, but my advice is to stop looking for the man who's in hiding, look for the people that would’ve been around him, old partners, old prosecutors, old witnesses. Anyone who might know him who aren’t hiding.”

“Go after people without the Commissioner’s protection.” Mina reaffirmed. 

Soya smiled with something dark brewing, “Hell, go after the dead detective who might’ve almost tracked him down.”

\-----

“Okay, this is just the bail hearing. We’re presenting arguments to the judge over whether you should be held in jail until your trial or if you can be let out.” Shownu said quickly.

Ayeon nodded, her face grim as she adjusted the tight blazer that Shownu had given her, one of Soya’s. She walked behind him, too tired to keep up with his long strides. She recognized him vaguely when he came into the little meeting room at the prison. He filled up the door and glowered down at her like he thought she did kill someone.

Until he started speaking.

His voice was calm and kind and it was two minutes into him explaining his strategy that she had started to cry. He was frantic and scrambled for a tissue before handing her an expensive looking handkerchief. 

“Hands together and don’t glare at the judge, I know you’re going to hate this, but look vulnerable and kind, like you wouldn’t hurt a fly in the world.” He whispered quickly in her ear as they approached the defendant’s table. “He cannot think you’re a threat.”

“Okay.” She mumbled.

He smiled and squeezed her shoulder gently, none of her friends could be seated behind her, most of them were police officers who were instructed by their superiors to either sit by the prosecution or not step foot into the court at all, or they were civilians that the police had their own reasons to hate.

Only Johnny came.

And when he smiled at her, she wanted to cry because he was holding flowers in his hands, and she was certain that she knew exactly who gave them to him.

The prosecutor was young, his hair slicked back and a smug grin that made her curl her nails into the palm of her hand. He walked up to Shownu and smirked, “Looks like the only lawyer a cop killer can get is a cushy corporate one who only knows how to draft contracts.”

“And how’s the Prosecutor’s Office doing? I hear you’ve been outranked by Soya, haven’t you been there twice as long as she has? Looks like graduating on daddy’s dime doesn’t get you very far.” Shownu spoke clearly and calmly, his eyes scanning his notes.

“You think that judge is going to respect a lawyer that had never argued a case and is just a glorified editor with an expensive degree?” He hissed. Shownu had clearly hit a sore spot.

Shownu scribbled a note on his papers, unphased, “I don’t know, you should ask him yourself.”

“All rise.”

Shownu stood first and it took more energy than Ayeon expected to stand along with him as the Prosecutor huffed back to his table. The judge was greying with little reading glasses perched on top of his head. “Sit down, sit down.”

“So, this is a bail hearing for Detective Yoo Ayeon on charges of murder of the first degree. Prosecution, what are you asking?”

“Your Honor, the prosecution’s office is asking that Detective Yoo be held without bail. She is a danger to the public; she is an officer with thorough knowledge of the law and how to evade it as well as relatives overseas with the resources to flee.”

The judge raised his brows before turning to Shownu, he blinked before smiling, “Mr. Hyun Woo, it’s good to see you. How’s your father doing?”

Ayeon could see the Prosecutor turn and stare at Shownu with his jaw open. Shownu just smiled, “He’s doing well, Your Honor, thank you for asking.”

He nodded with a warm smiled before clapping his hands, “And what is your side, Mr. Son?”

“We ask Detective Yoo be released on her own recognizance. She’s an upstanding member of society with strong ties to the community and a clean record. The prosecution’s claim of danger has not been proven and is a subject to be decided on in trial. Other than that, she will surrender her badge, gun, and passport for the duration of the trial, and she has an ailing father in the hospital, Your Honor.”

She stiffened, her heart thudding loudly in her ears at the mention of her father. Shownu didn’t notice the change in her or at least chose to ignore it, “She has no reason to leave the country when he’s in that state.”

She was glad they couldn’t read her thoughts because he was one of the reasons that she wouldn’t mind picking up and leaving. She figured Soya had offered up that angle because she sure as hell didn't tell Shownu about her father's hospitalization. 

The judge took a long breath, scanning the documents in front of him before speaking, “I do believe that the defense has made a solid argument and I have read articles praising the work of that young detective but the charges levied against Detective Yoo are severe so I will set your client’s bail at one million dollars. She will wear an ankle monitor and be put under the supervision of her team lead, uh…Ms…”

“Kim Jinah.” Shownu offered.

“Yes! Ms. Kim Jinah.”

He slammed the gavel down and as quickly as she stepped into the courtroom, she was being dragged out, with Shownu on her heels.

“I will talk to Johnny, I’m sure your friends can pitch in, don’t worry, they’ll get their money back as long as you don’t break any of the measures of your bail. It shouldn’t take too long. I’ll be back with the money just sit tight.”

She turned to look at him with half of the smile, “Thank you.”

\-----

“We’re short ten thousand.”

They were all gathered around the steps of the courthouse, cheques in hand while Shownu chewed on his lip, racking his brain, “What about her father? Isn’t he a famous professor?”

“Absolutely not.” Soya hissed, “I’d rather take out a second mortgage.”

He sighed, “We need to figure something out or you _will_ be taking that mortgage.”

“We all chipped in. The well is dry.” Mina complained. Taeil, Doyoung, Johnny and herself had all dipped into their pockets for Ayeon. Jaehyun, Jinah, and Soya were the first to pool resources until they realized they didn’t have enough.

“Really? We _all_ did?”

They turned to see Taeyong strolling towards them, hands in his pockets and sunglasses sitting on the tip of his nose.

“Taeyong?” Jaehyun called out, “What are you doing here?”

He grinned, “I have a sixth sense for whenever someone needs money.”

“10 grand?” Jaehyun asked gravely.

Taeyong’s smile didn’t falter as he pulled out a cheque, “I didn’t say it’d be _all_ my money. I got Jungwoo and Haechan in on it, too.”

“Why?” Johnny asked.

Taeyong slung his arm around Jaehyun, “Anything for Detective Yoo.”

“Bu—”

“No complaints.” Shownu said, snatching the cheque out of his hands, “I’m going to submit these, I’ll bring Ayeon out the back door, meet her there, she’ll need her friends.”

Soya reached out, grabbing his wrist, “Thank you for everything. I owe you and the missus a visit. I swear.”

He smiled, his eyes curving up as he touched her hand, “It’s what I do for family.”

When he jogged off, she turned to the group and nodded, “So, let’s go. Knowing Shownu, he’s going to throw his weight around which means she’ll be released quick.”

“Actually…”

Everyone looked over at Jaehyun whose face was tensed, “I think, I should go home.”

Mina was stunned, “What the fuck are you talking about? You’re the one she’ll want to see the most.”

“I don’t think so. She’s going to be overwhelmed if she sees me. I’m not what she needs now. She needs you guys.” He sounded like the words were being tortured out of him.

Mina looked frustrated, “What does that mea—”

“Okay.” Jinah whispered. “Okay, go home.”

Mina frowned, “Wha—”

“No, Mina, let him go.”

Jaehyun scanned their faces, “Thank you for everything you did for her. She’s lucky to have you all.”

They said nothing when he walked away, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched. Taeyong’s face was set in a frown and he turned to Jinah who just shook her head. She hooked her arms around Soya’s and led the group to the back doors and waited.

Waited for Ayeon to come home.

\-----

“I’m going to come by in a bit, I know I’m supposed to supervise you, but I’ll have to bring some things over.” Jinah said, running her fingers through Ayeon’s tangles, “God, and I’ll bring some of Soya’s fancy conditioner.” 

The walk back to her apartment was nice, albeit a little suffocating with everyone around her, wanting to hug her and reassure her, but she was in no position to turn away the love and compassion that she was being offered. She would choose to suffocate in love than drown in loneliness any day of the week. 

Taeyong snorted and pulled out a plastic bag, “I brought something better than anything Soya could own.”

Mina looked appalled, “Do you just carry full unopened bottles of expensive conditioner around in your pocket?”

“My best friend’s girlfriend went to jail; I’m looking out for her.” He grumbled. 

Johnny smiled, “You could’ve offered food or something.”

“I’m offering something useful, hello, does no one else see her hair?”

Ayeon smiled weakly before looking over at them, “I don’t know what to say, I just—”

“Relax, we’re going to get our money back. You don’t need to thank us for a temporary favour.” Doyoung snorted. "We look out for our own."

Taeil sighed, “It’s going to be a hard battle, Ayeon. They’re going to come at you harder now that you have one win.”

“So, we’ll come at them harder than that.” Jinah fired back.

Ayeon leaned her head against her door, listening to them bicker and fight before catching Johnny’s eyes, the only person who was staying silent. He smiled and slowly mouthed out words to her.

 _He misses you_.

She took a sharp breath and pulled her keys out of her bag, shoving them into her lock, “I’m a little tired, guys. Thank you for everything but I think I’m going to head in.”

“Call us.” Soya said quietly as Ayeon shut the door.

She leaned against her door and looked around her apartment. Her entire home looked different now, the last time she was here, she was in love, happy, and had the drive to take down the world around her. Now, now it was like she was hanging by a string.

Now, she didn’t know if she killed a man and even if Shownu got her off, she would have to live her entire life not knowing what she did or what she was capable of.

She hated it, she hated the vulnerability. It made her weak. 

Her phone rang, it sounded foreign to her, so it took a moment before she answered it, “Dr. Lee?”

“I’m sorry. I tried every tool I could to avoid divulging our sessions, but I had no choice.”

Ayeon sat on her couch, leaning her head back, “It’s okay. It’s your job.”

“It’s not okay, Ayeon. You were in jail. How are you?”

She wasn’t quite sure how she felt, any sort of relief was short lived because Taeil was right, they _would_ come at her harder and fighting back seemed harder and harder to do, “I’m…scared. I feel alone even though all my friends, even people I only met a few times, came together to help me. I feel alone.”

“Because of your blackouts?” Dr. Lee prodded.

She shook her head, “I can’t trust my own mind. It’s lonely when that happens because I can’t even rely on myself. I feel isolated.”

She sighed, “How’s Jaehyun been with this whole thing?”

“Keeping his distance. Did you know he was a cop?” She laughed despite herself, “I’m learning a lot today.”

There was a pause before she spoke, “Actually, I do know that.”

Ayeon froze and sat up, “You what?”

“I looked him up after you talked to me about him. I didn’t ever work with him as a patient, but he did see a precinct mandated psychologist when his sister died, so his name is on a patient file. We don’t have access to it anymore because we sent it over to his private therapist once he quit the force, but we have tracking information.” She admitted.

Ayeon blinked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place to tell.” She said gently.

Ayeon closed her eyes, “It wasn’t his either. I found out because when I was arrested, I walked past his graduating picture. He probably wouldn’t have ever told me if I didn’t see it myself. I’m pretty sure that’s why Taeil had dragged me away from the graduating wall when I went to his precinct before.”

“I’m so sorry. That must’ve been overwhelming to take in all at once. That’s a lot of emotions about a lot of different things. I’m so happy you were there for only a short time.”

Ayeon felt her lip quiver, “Why did he keep this from me? That’s not love, right? If he loved me, he would’ve felt safe enough to talk to me about this. My father lied left and right to my mom.”

“Look, I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but I realized why our conversations about relationships and love have been so unproductive.” She said.

Ayeon made a face, “They haven’t been unproductive.”

“Just hear me out. This entire time I’ve focused more on your emotions, and what you’re going through, I think I stopped paying attention to the language you use. You always talk about your fears of love because of the way your father acted when he was in love." Dr. Lee took a deep breath. "Except that wasn’t love. Your father was never in love with your mom. He was obsessed with her. He wanted her like a child wanting a pet. It's ownership. It's wanting property for the sole purpose of calling it yours. That isn’t love. Your father might’ve thought that’s what it was but that’s not what love looks like.”

“What does love look like?” Ayeon asked tiredly.

“Love doesn’t look like it’ll hurt.”

\-----

When Ayeon opened her eyes hours later, the sun had long set and her entire apartment was pitch black.

There was a weight in her chest when she rolled over. A weight that was crushing her, that made her feel like a fish floundering out of water. Everyone around her was so convinced that she was incapable of murdering a man, but she wondered if it was wrong of them to believe in her so much.

She knew her anger was at its peak, that Jaehyun was always someone she was fiercely protective of, and her anger was bordering on murderous when she left Kyung Gyu but was it possible that she acted on her urges?

There was only one other time that she had gotten close to murderous.

She squeezed her eyes, fighting off the memories before reaching for her phone and opening her contacts. Her thumb hovered over Jaehyun’s name, one that she had affectionately added a flower emoji one night when she was feeling sentimental, before hitting the call button. She held her breath, biting down on the inside of her cheek until she _swore_ she could taste blood when suddenly, a loud buzzing echoed through her apartment.

Blinking, she sat up and turned her head, her eyes wide when she found Jaehyun sitting by her kitchen island, staring down at the phone in his hand, lighting up his gaunt face. Ending the call, both their faces were painted in darkness again, but Ayeon could see his features as clear as day.

He slowly looked up from his phone, his eyes shimmering with tears, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were released already. I came to water your plant and then I saw you sleeping and I…fuck…I broke down. I didn’t want to leave. I c—couldn’t leave you. It’s like night and day when you’re gone and when you’re here.”

“You just…sat there and cried while I was asleep?” She rasped out incredulously.

Jaehyun looked down, his shoulders sagging, “Ayeon, tell me what to do to make it better. I’ll do it. I won’t even think twice about it. Just tell me what it'll take to have you want me again.”

She swallowed deeply before holding her wrists out towards him, “The handcuffs hurt.”

He stood on command, making his way over to her, taking her wrists gently into his palms and sitting on the coffee table across from her. His thumb brushed the tender skin, his body trembling with a built-up rage to crush every single that hurt her, to the people who were set on making her life miserable. He wanted destruction.

Jaehyun raised her wrists, his eyes locked on hers, and brought them to his lips, gently kissing the pain away. She held her breath, sucking in tears when his lips moved down her wrist, up her arm and found that one place on her neck that made everything feel so, _so_ _good_ , for even a second. She let her close her eyes to soak up the feeling for a short moment, then she was leaning away from him and cupping his face in her hands.

“Why do we keep lying to each other?” She mumbled.

He let out a small breath, “Sweetheart.”

“No!” She yelled tears pooling in her eyes as she stood, “No! This? What we have is important to me. I know I don’t show it well; I know I’m not good enough at this, but this is important to me. _You_ are important to me.”

Her tears slipped down her face and it bound him to his seat. She sloppily wiped at her face, “I can’t have us not work out. I can’t have this fall apart. I need you here with me all the time. I need you. But this isn’t going to last if we keep hiding things from each other thinking it’ll send the other running. A-And I know I haven’t been the best at doing that either, but I will be. I will try because I am so close to never seeing you again and I just need everything to stop and go away except for you and--”

She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, the crying becoming unbearable even to her. His breathing started to pick up as he finally found it in his body to move.

“Okay.” He whispered as he cupped her face, “I’ll be honest. For the years following Haerin’s death, I hated every cop that walked this planet because I worked side by side with them for years and watched them turn on me when I needed them the most. It made me sick, they came to her funeral, talked about how they were sorry for my loss but when I went to them with questions about her death, they brushed me off. So, I drank, and I drank and eventually I quit.”

He felt the lines of her face blur, “I felt…I felt pathetic. I wanted to forget it. I wanted to believe that I have always been the person I am today because when you strode into my shop with a cloud hanging over your head and sarcasm dripping off your tongue, fucking hell I was in love. For the first time since she died, I wanted to care about someone. I didn’t want you to know how I used to be, just how much of a mess I was because I think if I met you as a cop, you would’ve hated everything I was and that thought made me sick.”

She frowned but he just thumbed at her tears, “I don’t have a lot in my name. You _are_ everything to me.” He felt the back of his eyes burn, “You and I are meant for each other. I will bare every fucking scar on and in me and I will keep us together. I will not let you go.”

She let out a sob and squeezed her eyes shut and he could only let out a shaky breath, “You, everything you are, is enough for me for the rest of my life. I won’t let this happen to you. I swear.”

“I love you.”

It was so abrupt that he nearly missed what she had said and beautiful words that he was so good at lacing together dried in his mouth. The thud in his chest could be heard across the planet, “W-What?”

“I love you, it's true. I've known for a while now and I’m so mad.” She muttered.

The words played in his head in slow motion as he stared at her, it was like his entire world that tilted on its side. 

He reached for her because it felt like a crime not to, he needed her to whisper those words over and over against in his ear, but she ducked out of his grasp. “I’m not done. You lied to me and I lied to you about my shit too. It’s not enough anymore. Apologizing and making promises isn’t enough. I don’t think we’re going to last if something doesn’t change.”

"Wait, what are you saying?" He whispered. 

She shook her head, "We can't keep moving on like everything's fine, like we're okay, and like our problems exist in a vacuum. We need to...stop."

“Are you…do you want to break up?” He asked incredulously. This conversation was taking a turn he hadn't anticipated. The two of them always managed to move past fights and obstacles. Sure, they had been strained lately but they were used to it by now, it was just a product of their circumstances. 

But maybe that was the problem. 

She gulped slowly as tears filled her eyes, “No, but I think we need to acknowledge that this relationship is going to fail if we keep this up and if we want it to work, we need to make changes. We need to rethink.”

“So…so what do you want to do?” He rasped out, the thought of her being gone from his life was immobilizing.

She took a deep breath and twisted her fingers together, “I think we need to spend time together not as a couple. Not…not in love.”

That concept sounded foreign to him. He didn’t even know who he was before he was in love with her. He couldn't remember it. This was gut-wrenching, to have something he had wanted so badly be taken away in a second. The thought of putting distance between their relationship made him sick.

"So, what? Just as friends? As acquaintances?" He asked.

She reached out and touched him softly, “I think we’re both hurting and love…love isn’t supposed to hurt. We aren't supposed to hurt each other. The next while isn’t going to be easy on either of us so, I think that for now, we just need to be a friend to each other. Just supportive friends. Anything else would hurt too much and I don’t want to put this love through something so excruciating.”

“I don’t want that. That...that is the last thing in the world that I want.” He said quietly, “But you’re right.” 

"It sucks being right." She whispered. 

She couldn't even understand the feeling in her, it wasn't rejection or betrayal, it was worse. It was being in love with someone who loved you back but choosing to stay platonic. She could be ignorant and keep things the way that they were, but she was always a big picture kind of person. 

And a life with him was big picture, she would halt their relationship if that's what it took to get there.

There was still a unique pain associated with taking steps back and undoing a relationship hoping that when you try to build it back together later, you won't end up losing some pieces. 

She prayed that they won't end up more broken than they were.

"I know." He matched her tone as he sat across from her.

She tried to smile but it came out far too weak, “Okay then…friends.”

He wondered if friends had to fight constant urges to kiss each other.

“Friends.”

\-----

"You broke up?" Jinah gasped as Ayeon stared at her cup of tea that had become disgustingly cold. 

"No, we just took a few steps back and put some space between us. It's what we need now." 

Soya frowned, "What you need now is support and love. Why would you push that away?" 

Ayeon felt the itch in her throat come back and she was starting to resent it, "Because if I go to prison, it will devastate us. He will not move on, he will just wait and his entire life will pass him by and I can't live with knowing I did that. Right now, the two of us lie through our teeth to each other because we're so worried about losing one another, if we don't take a step back, it'll all fall apart."

Jinah blinked at her before smiling slightly, "Therapy paid off, huh? I'm proud of you."

"Me too." Soya said softly, "And we'll make sure that you don't end up in prison and that the two of you will be okay."

Ayeon finally mustered a smile when a steady knock on the door brought her to her feet, "I'll get it." 

"Don't cross the line." Jinah called out. 

Ayeon stared at the line of tape stuck to her floor just a step away from the door. If she crossed it, a warrant would be out for her arrest and she'd be thrown in jail until her trial. Jinah made sure she was aware of how important the tape was. 

Sighing, Ayeon opened the door and felt her throat catch when she found Jaehyun on the other side, both hands braced against the side of her door as he panted, trying to catch his breath. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked. 

He lifted his head, stared at her before he stepped into her apartment, grasping the sides of her face and pulled her into a heated and bruising kiss. He walked her backward until her back hit a wall and breathed in every gasp and moan as he slid a hand into her hair, gripping the strands in the way that she liked. He liked making her moan, he took great pride in knowing exactly what worked on her. He bent at the knees so he could grasp her by the thighs and lift her up, digging his fingers into her flesh. It was the type of chaotic hurricane that called for you to just try and keep up. He dragged his teeth against her bottom lip and kept his eyes peeled just to watch her come undone. It was art. She kissed back fiercely as if daring him to back down but he had no intention of stopping, not unless she did first. 

And she did. 

Somewhere between his tongue in her mouth and her fingers in his hair, she pulled back and stared at him dubiously out of breath. He wasn't in much better shape as he panted into her mouth, "I didn't kiss you properly before we decided to be friends."

An awkward cough had him stiffening before he turned to the couch were Jinah was seated with her gaze averted and Soya was seated, nearly falling off the couch trying to get a better view. "Oh, you have people over." 

She smiled lightly and kicked out her leg, "Part of the ankle deal." 

"I'm sure we can do a lap around the building while you two talk." Jinah said, grabbing Soya by the wrist and dragging her out of the apartment. 

He lowered her to the ground and she frowned, "This is a bad idea. This is counter-productive." 

"I know, I just thought about what you said. I want you for the rest of my life, sweethe--detective. And you're right, we won't get that if we keep dodging stuff, so here's the truth; I was a shitty cop. I didn’t take my job seriously until Haerin died and it freaks me out that you might not want someone like that for the rest of your life.” He said desperately.

She was silent, her eyes moving over his face, “You said earlier that you think I would’ve hated you if we met as cops.”

“And I meant it.” He said with a frown. “I was selfish, cocky and thought I was too good at my job.”

“So was I.” She said softly, “Maybe I didn’t show it, but that’s how I felt on the inside until I heard about Haerin, until Mina came to me about the hazing and I learned about the Commissioner, until my entire precinct turned against me, until Lucas died. Even now when I learned Lee Dong Jae might be the Interim's son and is responsible for all of this. It changed me. Just like how Haerin changed you.”

“You really think you killed him?” His voice was raw.

She gulped, “I don’t remember, but Jaehyun, I was furious after I left his house. I was thinking about Lucas and how everything else in my life was getting on my nerves, I could’ve done it. I could’ve been mad enough to do it.”

“I was with you when you came home, the parts you can’t remember. You didn’t smell like gun powder, your hands were steady, you were calm. Those aren’t the hallmarks of a woman who killed a man.” He said tenderly.

She was unmoved. “I’ll never know, not unless someone else comes forward, and until that happens, the prosecution is going to use my blackouts against me.”

He wanted to run his fingers through her hair, “Ayeon, I know it’s a lot and you might not even have an answer for this, but what do you need me to do? I’ll do it.”

“Jaehyun, what I need is bigger than both of us.” She said with a despondent laugh. “I need to find the person who killed Kyung Gyu, assuming it wasn’t me. I need to find out how my bullet was found in his body. I need to find out what Lucas was into and where Lee Dong Jae is. I need to find out what happened to your sister and I need to do all of this before I get tossed in jail for the rest of my life.”

Another laugh escaped her, “So unless you can magically do all those things, I don’t need anything else right now.”

"I'm sorry I can't do that." He mumbled. 

Her heart bloomed, even if they were moving backward, she was never in doubt that he was the man for her. He was the only one she could envision for the rest of her life too. "Don't apologize. I don't think anyone can."

The silence that followed was brutal. 

"I guess I should go." He said finally, meeting her gaze.

 _No!_ She wanted to yell. _Stay with me._

_Tell me everything's going to be okay._

_Tell me that being apart is a mistake._

"Have a good night, Jaehyun."

\-----

“You guys need to get down here.”

Soya, Jinah, and Jaehyun were crowded outside the steps of the courthouse as Shownus stood, his own hand trembling as he clenched a CD in his hand. They had gathered after a panicked voicemail was left on each of their phones.

“What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, “I don’t know how they know this. I don’t know how they even found out the connection but it’s clear the prosecution is playing dirty.”

Soya frowned, “What are you talking about?”

“They have another witness.” His tone was stilted, and it caught her attention.

Jaehyun glared, “Someone saw her killing him? That’s convenient.”

“No, someone to attest to her _violent behavior_. They’re clearly trying to set a precedent.” Shownu said.

Soya had suddenly fallen very silent and her face was weary. She slipped her hands into her pale green blazer to hide the tremor.

Jinah scoffed, “Ayeon isn’t violent, she threatened a criminal _once_. Whoever they got on the stand is lying, it’ll be easy to discredit them, and no judge is going to be sympathetic to the biggest loan shark the city has ever seen.”

“I’m not so sure.” Shownu said quietly, glancing at Soya.

Jaehyun scoffed, “This is ridiculous. She isn’t dangerous, she hasn’t killed anyone.”

“Being violent isn’t the same as killing someone. If they can prove a past of violence, they can argue that the escalation to killing someone isn’t that far of a reach.” Shownu said.

“Who is it?” Soya’s voice interrupted them as it cracked when she asked, the tears in her eyes shocked Jinah and Jaehyun but to Shownu it was clear that she knew exactly who the witness is. “Shownu, w-who is the witness?”

He took a deep breath before answering.

“Your ex-boyfriend. They’re offering him a deal if he testifies.”


	38. violets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There is brief descriptions of an abusive relationship at the start of this chapter (not glorified and the guy gets his ass kicked). It will be in italics.

_Soya could feel her heart pounding as she cowered in her closet, the doors shut tight and her fingers trembling as she dialed Jinah’s number into her phone. But no matter how loud her heart was, it was nowhere near as loud as the pounding on her front door and the threats that were being screamed through the wood._

_“Pick up, pick up, pick up.” She chanted under her breath._

_“H—lo? S—ya?”_

_She curled up tighter and whispered quickly into the phone, “Jinah, he’s here. Please come over. I’m scared.”_

_“H—lo? I—an’t ear yo—” The line cut, and she felt dread fill her stomach._

_“No. No. No.”_

_The pounding started to get louder and she was sure he had started slamming his body against her door. She knew it wouldn’t take long before it gave way. She wished she was better prepared, that she hid more weapons around the house. She pressed her hand hard against her mouth to stifle her scream when the door slammed open, ricocheting violently throughout the entire building._

_His footsteps were heavy, and she held her breath when she heard him come into her room. She prayed that he’d think she wasn’t home and leave but just as hope filled her system, the doors to her closet swung open and he towered over her, panting with a sadistic smile._

_“There you are, dollface.”_

_“Please don’t.” She rasped._

_He just smiled and reached out, tangling his hand in her hair before dragging her out of the closet, the carpet burning the backs of her arms as she yelled in pain. “You, dumb bitch, you think you’re going to leave me for another bitch? I don’t think so. You’re going to die before you leave me for her!”_

_She screamed when he lifted her up by the roots of her hair and cracked a slap across her face. He threw her on the bed and pinned her down before raising his fist and bringing it down on her while his other hand held her down by the throat._

_She tried to lock her mind away, to leave her body and detach herself from the pain. Maybe if she could disassociate until it was over, she’d be okay. She’d just wait until he got tired of hitting her and then she’d run._

_The months of stalking, showing up at her work, approaching her friends, standing in front of her house and watching her, calling her at all hours, trying to force her in bed and hitting her when she would say no culminated to this moment._

_She was foolish to think the restraining order would keep him away._

_Her mind raced, she had knives in the kitchen, but it would waste time pulling them out. She had some weights by the door, but she would have to throw them at him, she might miss. She had a bat in her umbrella holder. Yes. She could use that._

_A wash of adrenaline came over her and she began swiping her nails down his face, trying to inflict any and all pain that she could. It only made him angrier and his grip on her throat tightened, black splotches flashed in her vision._

_The bat, weights, and knives wouldn’t matter if she died before she could get to them._

_Because she was going to die._

_But before she could fully accept her fate, the onslaught stopped._

_It was so abrupt that she was still wincing to brace herself against a hit, but suddenly he slumped forward, dropping his weight entirely on her. She was being crushed, but she welcomed any pain that wasn’t to her face._

_“Is he dead?”_

_Soya froze when she heard Ayeon’s voice and slowly shoved her ex-boyfriend off of her until he rolled off the side of the bed with a thump. Her face was throbbing, and she could taste the metallic tang of blood on her tongue as she stared at Ayeon. She was out of breath, sweating with a baseball bat in her hands, blood was dripping off the weapon and parts of the wood were splintering._

_Ayeon lifted her gaze from his limp body to Soya’s face and her eyes widened at the aftermath. “Soya.”_

_The sound of her name, sweet and loving, sent her into a flood of tears. The bat clattered to the ground and Ayeon gathered her in her arms, caressing her face gently. “We need to get you to the hospital.”_

_Soya closed her eyes and sobbed, her tears stinging the bruises on her face. She was so relieved that Ayeon was here that she couldn’t even feel the pain anymore. She just breathed in her scent, basking in the familiarity and nostalgia. It had been a long time since she felt safe._

_But safety is a finicky and fragile thing._

_She opened her eyes; one was swelling shut and felt a scream lodge in her throat when her boyfriend staggered towards them with the bat in hand._

_“Ayeon!”_

_She turned and caught the downswing of the bat between her hands with a stifled gasp. His face was dripping with blood and he growled as he tried to fight against her grip, but he was injured and tired._

_And Ayeon was angry and determined._

_She gave the bat a harsh pull, causing him to stumble forward, losing his balance. She took advantage of his disorientation and stood, kicking him back by the gut. She wondered how many times he did this to Soya and how many times she’d just hide it from everyone who loved her. She wondered how many times her own mother suffered the same pain but, on the inside, whenever her father would denigrate her._

_She used to wish she was strong enough to fight back and protect her mother when he tried to overpower her. She didn’t have to wish that now. She could do it._

_She gripped the bat and knocked him across the face once, twice, three times, thundering over him as he fell against the wall._

_“Ayeon…stop.”_

_She froze, the bat held over her head and stared down at his bloodied, unrecognizable face. Soya’s grip was tight on her shoulder until Ayeon lowered the weapon to the ground._

_“Give me the bat.”_

_Ayeon released her hold on it and Soya slipped it into her hands, making quick work of wiping at the areas where Ayeon held it._

_“Soy—”_

_“You need to leave. I’ll call the police, tell them that I did this, that I fought back in self-defence, but you need to go. Go far away. After I call the police, I will call you, don’t pick it up, I will leave a distraught message about the attack and then you’ll wait an hour and meet me at the precinct. We will_ not _talk about what really happened ever.”_

_Ayeon’s hands shook and her eyes held so much fear that Soya’s heart cracked. “Soya, what did I do?”_

_“Go, Ayeon. Leave.”_

\-----

Ayeon and Soya were seated silently as everyone gathered in her apartment to hear the story. Soya was in tears and leaning against Jinah but Ayeon was just staring down at the clunky machine strapped around her ankle. She couldn’t bear to look any of them in the eye, especially Jaehyun who hadn’t said a word since they came into her apartment.

This was the first time this story was spoken out loud since that night.

“Fuck. Why didn’t you tell me about this?” Jinah whispered.

Soya looked over at Ayeon who didn’t meet her gaze, “We made a promise not to talk about it.”

“I need to ask you all a question and I need an honest answer.” Shownu spoke quietly, “Do you think she’s capable of doing this?”

Jaehyun spoke first, his tone sharp, “Is she capable of it? Sure, if she feels threatened and her safety is jeopardized, she will protect herself, but she is smarter than to murder someone with her own gun, leave her fingerprints at the scene and tell Taeil that she was heading there before she went.”

“You’re her boyfriend, right?” Shownu asked.

Jaehyun flinched at his gaze, something inside of him felt challenged, he wasn’t sure if he could say yes to that right now, “I’m not being biased.”

Mina frowned, “We can all testify to the kind of the type of her person she is.”

“We need proof of it, not just your word.” Shownu said in resignation. 

“They’re going to be using his word though, isn’t he?” Jinah asked incredulously, “And anyway, they think Soya was the one who attacked him in self-defense. How is he going to claim it’s Ayeon?”

“In his first statement, he said it was Ayeon who attacked him.” Soya said quietly, “But she was an upstanding police officer, there was no proof of her ever being there and I admitted to attacking him. They had no reason to believe him but, his statement is still on record. They’re just going to say she covered it up or something.”

“Stop talking about her like she isn’t here.” Johnny said, casting Ayeon a furtive glance.

“I’d do it again.” Ayeon said quietly, “I’d take a bat to his face again.”

Shownu shot her a glare, “You cannot say shit like that to anyone outside this room. If the prosecution shows the judge a picture of his injuries, I can show ones of Soya’s, but I can’t have you saying shit like that.”

Ayeon looked away with a frown, “If you saw what he did to her, you’d do it too.”

“It doesn’t matter because I’m not the one being accused of murder, Ayeon.” Shownu said evenly.

Soya let out a loud breath and closed her eyes tight. The thought of people seeing a large picture of her banged up face made her sick, she was barely keeping her stomach contents down when everyone in the room found out, “W-When is he testifying?”

“They’re meeting with him tomorrow, they’ll probably need time to verify his claims which, based on your accounts of events, might take them a while to do and then they’ll want him to take the stand.”

“A judge won’t be swayed. If anything, it’ll make Ayeon look like a hero.” Mina said confidently.

“You can never be sure, this judge seems to like me and give Ayeon the benefit of doubt but he’ll probably ask why a police officer who had the training and who graduated high in her class handled a situation like that so poorly.”

Jinah frowned, “You need to get his statement thrown out.”

“I’ll try but we need a backup plan.” Shownu said. 

“This is all the Interim’s doing. He must’ve looked into me when he spoke to the City’s Attorney and tried to see if he could discredit me with his testimony. All to protect his son.” Soya muttered.

“For now, we need to lay all our cards on the table. I think we all know different pieces of this story and I need the entire picture if I’m going to build a strong defense for Ayeon. I need to know what you all know, every theory, every suspect, every anecdote. I need it. So, everyone get comfortable and start talking.” Shownu instructed.

Jaehyun stood, “I’ll go get some food for everyone, Jinah knows what I know, she’ll fill you in. I think this is going to be a long night.”

“Stay.” Ayeon ordered, gripping on the ends of his sweater.

He gulped, wanting nothing more than to curl up around her, but things have changed. He was tired of soft words and gentle hugs. She was right, they couldn’t just talk about how much they would protect each other, they had to go out and do it.

He pulled her hand off of his shirt and everyone watched, stunned, as he stepped away from her, “I’ll be back.”

“No.” She whispered, staring up at him.

She knew exactly how to make this harder than he wanted. “I won’t take long.”

“Bu—”

“Johnny let’s go.” He said briskly, turning away.

Johnny looked up in surprise, his eyes moving to the others who just stared back blankly. He glanced at Mina who only shrugged before returning his gaze to Jaehyun who was staring him down over his shoulder.

“Um…sure.” He cleared his throat and slowly stood before following Jaehyun out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Johnny shoved his hands in his jeans pockets and trailed behind Jaehyun as they walked out of Ayeon's apartment complex and towards his car. They didn’t share a single word and he wondered how awkward this entire errand was going to be because it was the first time they were alone together without Mina or Ayeon in the middle as a buffer.

Jaehyun got into the driver's seat and Johnny made a face before climbing in next to him, “Where exactly are we going?”

“We’re going to break into a dead man’s apartment.”

\-----

“This is fucked, dude. I know we’re desperate, but this is so fucked.” Johnny whispered as they climbed the stairs to Lucas’s apartment.

Jaehyun ignored him and pulled out small tools hanging off of a keychain, “The landlady said he paid his rent through this entire month and felt bad renting it out to someone while his lease is still good. No one’s been here to pick up his stuff.”

“We’re going to hell for this.”

Jaehyun smiled a little as he fiddled with the lock, “Good, because there are people down there that I need to have a word with.”

“Hilarious. Just hurry up.” Johnny grumbled.

Jaehyun swung the door up and stood at the entrance before pulling out two pairs of rubber gloves from his pocket and handed one set to Johnny. Johnny sighed in resignation before pulling them over his hands, “Why was I dragged here?”

“The same reason Ayeon took you to the Gala.” Jaehyun said matter-a-factly.

“Because I’m handsome and a great kisser?” Johnny said, amused.

Jaehyun shot him a glare as he snapped his gloves on, “Because you’re smart enough to be a cop without actually being one.”

“Well, I’m flattered in that case.” Johnny mused as he poked at some of the things on Lucas’s desk, “This is so weird. This is all of his stuff, but he’ll never ever touch it again. It feels wrong that we’re the last ones to touch it.”

Jaehyun hesitated for a moment, Johnny was right, it wasn’t fair that someone that dated a girl he really liked waded through his things after he died. “If we don’t do this, his work is going to have been all in vain.”

Johnny sighed before following him into the room, it was simple, basic furniture with some trinkets placed on tables and shelves. It was neat and organized, it reminded him of Ayeon’s apartment.

“That’s his room, I think. Should we…should we go in?” Johnny asked.

Jaehyun let out a breath, pushing past conflicted feelings, “Yeah, let’s do this.”

He pushed the door open and widened his eyes. Suddenly the clean apartment made a lot more sense because his bedroom was filled with boxes stacked in every available corner.

Johnny picked up a piece of paper off his table and stared at the police seal, “Damn, he really took his work home with him.”

Jaehyun pushed away the growing somber feeling in his chest. He had spent months refusing to step into Haerin’s room when she first died but Lucas didn’t have anyone trying to avoid his room because the pain was too much. His room just sat dormant.

“Let’s start looking.”

Johnny picked up more papers off Lucas’s table, “What are we looking for?”

“Anything that could help Ayeon. Lee Dong Jae, the interim, Kyung Gyu, anything that we can use as proof that someone else had a motive.” Jaehyun muttered.

They worked in silence except for the sounds of paper rustling and the small clock on his wall ticking. Although he wasn’t finding anything to help Ayeon, he was finding an alarming number of files on old cases from different precincts and detectives. It was like he was doing his own investigations into other officers’ cases. That wasn’t normal.

And he’d find pictures of different officers in the middle of shady exchanges. He wondered if these were the kinds of pictures that Ayeon had seen on his computer. 

“Jaehyun, you used to be a cop, right?” Johnny asked.

Jaehyun continued rifling through boxes, “Yeah.”

“Do you know what IA stands for?” Johnny asked while stepping towards him.

Jaehyun frowned, “Internal Affairs, why?”

“It’s all over these papers addressed to Lucas.” Johnny said.

Jaehyun stopped what he was doing and turned to look at Johnny, “What papers?”

Johnny held out the papers that Jaehyun took from him, frantically scanning through them. His eyes widened as he the gears turned, and the pieces fell in place.

“What is it?”

“He was an internal affairs officer.” Jaehyun spoke slowly.

“Dude, I have no clue what that means.”

Jaehyun sat on the corner of Lucas’s bed and stared at the memo, one listing out a set of directives to Lucas including the monitoring and documenting of suspicious officers, “He was sent to Ayeon’s precinct undercover as a detective to investigate corrupt officers. That’s what IA does, they handle any sort of internal misconduct. _That’s_ why he had those pictures of other officers on his computer.”

Johnny’s eyes widened as he spun around to the banker boxes stacked up, he quickly grabbed one and placed it on the bed before flipping it open, “Holy shit, you’re right. Check it, this one is about a botched hit and run that killed an old lady in some random town a few years ago. He thought major pieces of evidence were intentionally not collected or had mysteriously gone missing. There are tons of files like this.”

“Look through them, make a list of every case and every officer, one of them has to be connected to Lee Dong Jae.” Jaehyun said before standing and pulling out a box himself. Now it made sense why he was looking into everyone and their cases. Lucas had to be there because he knew about Lee Dong Jae, he must’ve figured something out about the transfers and corrupt Commissioner.

Somewhere in these boxes held the answer.

They began searching, carefully sifting through each sheet of paper, each photograph and making notes with each discovery. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, and his concentration only ever broke when his phone would buzz with messages from Ayeon asking where he was. He had to ignore her for now.

“The two of you are really on a break, huh?” Johnny said quickly as he watched Jaehyun decline her call and tuck his phone back into his pocket.

Jaehyun kept his eyes on the files, trying to ignore the sting in his chest, “Something like that. Things have been…rocky with us lately. Turns out we’re really good at getting over our arguments, almost too good.”

“Ah, you kiss and make up too quickly.” Johnny said empathically.

Jaehyun nodded. “And when you do that, you don’t fix the problem, it doesn’t go away, it just gets worse.”

“Yeah, but her getting arrested wasn’t because of your relationship drama.”

“No, but whatever we have between us probably wouldn’t have lasted if we kept going the way that we were.”

“She wanted space?” Johnny asked quietly.

“And friendship, which I can give her because she’s right. She wants something long term and we won’t get that if we don’t get some perspective. If winding back our relationship is what it’ll take, I’ll do it.” He whispered. 

Johnny gave him a small reassuring smile, “I’m sorry, man, I know you two were really serious about each other. I’m sure things will go back to normal.”

“Let’s just hurry up and get through all of this.” Jaehyun breathed out.

Johnny had Mina send him the blacklist and he was also working on crossing some of the names off her list as they found Lucas’s files on the men. Most of them showed up in Lucas’s notes but not all of them, maybe he didn’t know about the transfers.

Maybe he was just looking at these officers individually, he might not have known about the Commissioner either.

“Here.” Johnny said quietly as he set a box down in front of Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looked up from the sheets in his hands and frowned, “I’m still working through this one.”

“I know, but I think you should look through this one first.” His tone was grave and…sympathetic?

Jaehyun’s eyes darted to the box and froze when he stared at the date scribbled in permanent marker on the side of it. “There’s no way.”

Johnny smiled a fraction, sadness still in his eyes, “I think there was someone who believed you. Someone who was fighting for her.”

Jaehyun’s skin prickled with heat as he lifted a shaky hand moved to open the lid of the box, it smelled musty, like stale air, but his heart was pounding so hard that it dimmed out all his other senses. He pulled out the file sitting on top and took a deep breath before he began reading Lucas’s loopy cursive.

_-Officer Jung raises concerns about the potential of foul play_

_-no suicide note?_

_-Check in with witnesses by the lake. Make sure Officer Jung doesn’t get too involved, potential conflict of interest._

_-what was the police car he saw?_

_-Why was she so far away from home?_

_-Office Jung_ needs _to stop drinking._

Jaehyun let out a stunned laugh, he didn’t even know Lucas, never met him in person, and he was scolding him. He hadn’t realized how notorious his drinking problem was.

He flipped the page and flinched when a small 6x6 photo fell into his lap. He stared down at Haerin’s school picture; her beaming smile looked uncontained. He turned the photo over and struggled to read Lucas’s had writing through his tears.

_-2015 she is 17_

_-2016 she is 18_

_-2017 she is 19_

_-2018 she is 20_

_-2019 she is 21_

He was on her case the year after she died and he wrote down her age, every year, to remind him.

He couldn’t believe this.

Suddenly urgency flushed through him as he dug through the files, hungrily drinking in every word Lucas had on the case. It was like he was looking at the case through someone else’s eyes, and these eyes were determined and hopeful.

He was reaching the end of the box when he lifted a thin file folder. There were CCTV photos of a police car driving near where Haerin was found an hour before she died inside. Lucas had gotten these photos this year, just a few months before he died. His hands shook as he stared at the frantic circle that was drawn around the license plate and the arrow that pointed at it.

_GHT 032_

He had a license plate number. The photo only showed the front of the car, he had no idea if the back light had the tale tell red paint or blood, but this had to be the car that the woman saw. The car that Ayeon couldn’t trace because it was destroyed.

Lucas found it.

Lucas must’ve looked it up and he must’ve figured out who drove it.

Jaehyun moved faster, flipping through the documents, scanning for anything dated after he got the CCTV photos. Lucas was meticulous, evidence and notes organized that addressed every single potential angle. He was the detective Jaehyun had used to wish would look into Haerin’s case.

“Look at this, he was following Kyung Gyu because of some sketchy debt he had.” Johnny said, holding out a bank statement that showed a sudden deposit of money that Lucas had highlighted.

“Kyung Gyu told Ayeon that he owed people, that he made mistakes. This must’ve been it. This was how Lee Dong Jae bought his alibi.” Jaehyun said as he flipped through papers.

Johnny looked up in the ceiling in thought, “Okay, so that means Lucas must’ve found Lee Dong Jae, learned about his alibi on that night and was trying to poke holes in it to prove he could’ve killed your sister.”

The final ringer came in the form of a small post-it note that was attached to the back of another memo from the Internal Affairs office.

_-Infiltrate the 32nd_

“The 32nd precinct, isn’t that Ayeon’s precinct?” Johnny asked as he stood over Jaehyun’s shoulder.

Jaehyun nodded silently as he stared at the note, “He joined that precinct to investigate whoever owned that car.”

“You’re saying…”

“Lee Dong Jae is in her precinct.”

\-----

“IA…fuck.” Ayeon whispered as she sat next to Jaehyun on her couch. “I never knew. I guess the stuff on his computer makes sense. Wow.”

Jaehyun had come over to fill them in, only to find everyone had left and it was just Ayeon. He wasn’t ready to be around her alone, but he couldn’t find it in himself to just leave, “He was a fighter, Ayeon. He is a hero.”

She let out a stunned laugh, “I always thought he was this happy-go-lucky goofball that was always having a good time.”

“It was incredible. He just had stacks of all this stuff on different police officers…and on Haerin’s case. That was the last active one he was looking into; the rest were closed cases. That and Kyung Gyu, he must’ve looked into him when he went to the witness to get her statement.” Jaehyun said while shaking his head.

Ayeon smile wistfully, “And when he found out he was into something sketchy, he realized he had something to do with the cover-up.”

“Then he saw the license plate and he must’ve figured out who it belonged to because that was the last thing he was looking into before he was killed, probably by the person who he found.” Jaehyun said.

She dragged her nails against her scalp, “Someone who is in my precinct. It should’ve been obvious, they can’t stand me after Lucas’s death, I’m sure some of them hated me before. What did you with the license plate number?”

“I sent it into someone I know, it won’t show up on anyone’s radar. They’ll get back to me on it.” He reassured. 

“Thank you.” She said quietly before turning back to her cellphone, it was what he had found her doing when Jinah let him in.

He clenched his jaw, trying to fight the urge to touch her and caress the pain away. He wanted to kiss that one spot on her jaw that always made her soft. It seemed like a lifetime ago when he could fall into her arms and she could fall into his bed. They were different people the last time they were happy.

“How…How are you doing?” He asked carefully, wishing he could do more for her.

She winced, "I'm okay. How are you?"

"Good. Just spending time with a friend." He said with a grimace of a smile that she could only mirror. 

She swung her leg, hitting the base of her couch with her ankle monitor, "And how's that going?"

"Well, I think." He said honestly, "You know all of my secrets now. I have nothing else to hide and trust me, I spent a lot of time making sure."

"You know all of mine too." She said gently, "Soya's boyfriend, that was the last one, but it was a big one. I can imagine that it's hard to look at me the same way. As someone capable of that."

Jaehyun frowned, "Actually, no, it's not hard at all. It was self-defense, he would've bashed your head in if you didn't stop him. Yes, you used more force than necessary but he was abusing your best friend for months, that must've reminded you of your father."

"I just kept thinking about how I could finally stand up for someone, it was the whole reason I became a cop. It was every fantasy I had whenever my dad hurt my mom, everything I wished I could do. It just all came out that night." She admitted.

He wanted to touch her, but something as innocent as his hand on her shoulder felt like it could be too much, "That night wasn't black and white and you've never done something like that since then."

"I might've killed someone." She mumbled, "Even if everyone else was corrupt that doesn't change what I could've done." 

He shook his head, "I'm sorry, but I don't believe it. I have faith in you, I know you, you would beat someone up until they couldn't hurt you anymore when you're threatened but you'd never kill them. You hurt to protect people, not to take your aggression or frustration out. You're a good person." 

"Wow. You're a really good...friend."

He had to sit on his hands, "You make it easy to do." 

She tilted her head and looked at her phone before turning it towards him, “I was going through our old messages before you came over. We never really texted that much.”

“I liked hearing your voice more.” He mumbled, taking the phone from her. Yeah, that voice of hers could still drive him insane.

_Smoke and miracles._

She gulped and looked at her lap as he read the message she had sent after he spent the first night in her guest room, the message she never remembered sending. He stared at it fondly before frowning, “That’s weird.”

“What is?” 

He held her phone closer to his face, “No, it’s just that, why would you send me this message so late at night through your laptop? Why didn’t you just text it from your phone?”

She frowned and took her phone back, reading the little note _Sent from Desktop Messenger._

“No, I pack my laptop up every night, I don’t take it out until I get to work. I wouldn’t have pulled it out just to send you a semi-horny text.” She said, clicking on the texts again.

“Wait.” Jaehyun grabbed his laptop out of his bag and typed on it, his frown growing before he closed his eyes, holding his head in his hands.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice dropping an octave.

He turned his laptop towards her and showed her that he had logged into her text messages, “If someone knows your phone number and password, they can log into your account from any computer and send messages from your phone to anyone in your contacts.”

She watched in shock as he clicked on his own name and typed ‘Hi!’ before hitting send. No more than 5 seconds later, his phone lit up with a message seemingly from her.

She felt sick, “Oh my god. You think someone has been sending messages as me just to fuck with me?”

“It’s not a coincidence that all your other messages are sent from your phone except the ones you can’t remember sending. You’d just blame your memory and stop trusting your mind.” He said with a groan.

This entire thing was too bizarre to wrap her head around, “So, someone found out about my blackouts and tried to capitalize on it by sending me these messages? But how would they know I was even having blackouts? Hell, how would they have known that you spent the night?”

“I don’t know.” He said quietly, “Okay, what happened the day before your blackouts?”

“I had coffee the first time, someone at the precinct got it for me. Then I had that ice cream when you stayed over, and then Jinah brought me a water bottle when I had the panic attack. I was always consuming something.” She recounted. 

He looked unsure, "What about when Mina was attacked?"

"No, I don't think I had anything. They could've just sent her a message while I was away from my phone or asleep." She suggested.

"So, you were definitely being watched." He shook his head, “Okay, so, both the water bottle and the ice cream were in your fridge.”

Ayeon frowned, “No, not the water bottle.”

“Yeah it was. Mina found it in your fridge.” He said.

She gave him a dubious look, “Jaehyun, I don’t use plastic water bottles. I thought Mina ran out an bought it or something.”

He looked baffled, “Someone planted that in your fridge and what? Drugged your ice cream too? I had some of that.”

“Yeah but like one spoon. I had half the carton.” She sat up, her heart racing.

He gripped his knees, “Ayeon if this is true, someone has been breaking into your apartment and they’ve probably been following you too which is how they knew I was over.”

“Would’ve been easier once I started spending a lot of time at your place.”

Jaehyun went to her fridge and opened the freezer before pulling out a tub of ice cream, “Was it this?”

She nodded and watched from her seat as he pried the lid open, he immediately recoiled, dropping it on the counter, “God.”

Ayeon walked over and gaped at the container that had grown a thick layer of green fuzz. “That’s disgusting.”

“You need to run a _good_ tox screen on yourself. You need to see if there are drugs are in your system.” He said while bracing his hands against the counter-top.

“I read this article ages ago, back when I was investigating Delco before Lucas died.” Ayeon said quietly, “It was about a new date rape drug that causes people to lose small portions of their memories. There were rumors that Delco’s gang introduced them into the city. There was talk about them being cut with something unclean.”

He could feel his throat closing in, “You need to get checked now. Someone in your precinct is doing this to you. This is not okay.”

“I know people hate me, but who would hate me this much? Drug me, break into my apartment, and hack into my messages?! A normal person wouldn’t do that!” She exclaimed.

“Lee Dong Jae would.”

She paused for a moment, his words cracking a silence. She quietly reached out and laced her fingers with his, clutching onto him as the panic sunk in.

“You know how big my precinct is? There are so many officers there and they all hate me. Lee Dong Jae could be any one of them.” She croaked out.

“Think Ayeon, who in there has been acting different? Anyone new?”

\-----

It was a shitty day, Jinah had a pounding headache and she didn’t want to spend her day at her precinct.

Not after reading Ayeon’s panicked text that Lee Dong Jae was at her precinct.

She knew every single face she worked with, no matter how many people worked here. There was no Lee Dong Jae here. She took a swig of her coffee as she neared her desk; she slowed her steps when she neared a small cluster of officers that were gathered, talking quietly with each other.

“I heard she was dating Delco which is how he evaded the police for so long but then she cheated on him with Officer Jung, he got mad and flipped on her. They think Lucas knew.” 

When they saw Jinah get closer, their whispering stopped and they rushed to act busy, as if they weren’t just caught gossiping.

Something in her snapped as she dropped down on her chair.

“Where the fuck do you even get this information?” Jinah muttered as she fisted her hair to ease the migraine.

The officers all fell quiet until one spoke up, “Daemin.”

Jinah stilled before looking up at the small group, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Daemin? He’s a uniformed officer here. He’s the one who told us that stuff. He knows all sorts of things about her.”

“I know who he is b—”

One of them snorted, “Yeah, he fucking hates her. He told us that she led Lucas one and he died that night because she convinced him to go with her.”

“God, remember the ‘cocktease’ shit? I almost died laughing when he carried that paint can looking all innocent like he didn’t just spend 10 minutes and 2 markers writing it.” Another said with an amused laugh that he disguised as a cough when someone nudged him in the stomach.

“I thought you guys hated him.” She whispered, “I thought you were bullying him because he was defending Ayeon.”

“What? No way, Daemin is great and he never defended her. The only thing he ever talks about is how much he hated her ever since Lucas’s funeral.” The shorter one pipped up, she tried to remember his name, it was an English one…Andy? Alex? She couldn’t remember.

“The hostage call…”

They cleared their throats nervously and laughed, “Uh…we don’t know about that.”

They were lying. They knew all about that.

She tried her best to remember, Daemin was there that day, but she didn’t have her eyes on him. He could’ve made that call, especially if the entire precinct was in on it.

Daemin.

Quiet little Daemin that Ayeon found crying on the rooftop.

He played them all.

Jinah turned and ran to the security room and shoved some rookie out of their seat and began typing furiously, pulling up the footage from months earlier. Jaehyun and Ayeon said someone was logging into her computer and sending texts remotely. In order to do that, they’d need access to her computer to get her log in information.

She found the footage for the day of Lucas’s funeral and skipped through the entire day until everyone started filtering out of the precinct to head to the funeral home. She watched Daemin smile at her with a nod before leaving. She kept skipping through it until it was just footage of her, she was the last to leave that day. She watched herself answer an email before Soya entered, dressed in a tight black dress that had her rolling her eyes affectionately at the time.

“ _It’s a funeral, Soya.”_

_“At least it’s black.”_

The two of them walked out of the offices holding hands and for 15 minutes there wasn’t a single soul, the automatic sensors switched the lights off and Jinah just sped through the dark room until the lights switched back on.

She stopped the fast forward and watched, horrified, as Daemin ran back into the precinct, constantly looking over his shoulder. He sat at Ayeon’s desk, powered on her computer and typed into her computer.

He knew her official account information.

He pulled out his personal laptop and started doing something that involved his fingers sliding over the keyboard. Once he got what he wanted, he went to his laptop and tilted his screen to type something in.

He was logging into her messaging software.

It was him.

He was behind it all.

\-----

He knew something was going to happen today.

He wasn’t sure what it was going to be or if it would be good or bad, but he knew something was coming.

It was in his gut.

Daemin nodded at some officers as he walked by and stood by his small desk while staring at where Ayeon normally sat. He couldn’t believe she was going to go to trial. He was confident that she’d be convicted.

There was no way a judge would let her off.

There was no way the Commissioner would let it happen.

He fought back the twitching in his lips, there were so many times where he didn’t think he could pull it off, that the entire plan was too convoluted and risky. But the payoff would be delicious. Ayeon was just one last loose end to tie up.

It would strange living his life without her now, it was almost like a breakup, which was interesting because she would be the longest relationship he’d ever had. Every part of his life revolved around her, he was like her shadow and soon she’d be gone.

He was going to miss her a little bit.

There was something a little bit pathetic with how oblivious she was to the whole thing and how hard she tried to act she didn’t know the truth. He had to give it to her, she was a stellar actress, pretending to care about him and feel sympathetic to his alleged bullying. It must’ve been hard on her to act like she didn’t know what she knew when she found him crying and had to console him.

She was a little lamb.

He was pulled from his thoughts when the front door swung open and Jinah stormed through, her eyes set on him. His body tensed and kept challenged her stare when Jinah walked straight towards him, he knew that Ayeon being arrested would mean that there was no room for slip-ups, they’d be looking for anything to clear her name, and he couldn’t let that happen.

He held his breath.

But then she breezed past him and that’s when he saw the two uniformed officers trailing behind her until she stood behind a group of officers who stared at her dubiously.

“Andrew Kim, you’re under arrest.”

_What?_

Andrew was sputtering incoherently as he was dragged off to an interrogation room, leaving everyone in a stunned silence. Whispers started up shortly after as everyone stared at the closed door, wondering what was happening on the other side.

Jinah came out of the interrogation and he kept his gaze averted until she stood by his desk, leaning towards him to speak quietly. “Daemin, can I speak to you?”

He blinked at her, “What’s going on with Andrew?”

She gave him a smile and he paused, she never smiled at him, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

He followed her to a conference room, his shoulders relaxing, she didn’t take him to an interrogation room. “What’s going on?”

“I should start by saying that whatever we talk about is confidential. This is an ongoing investigation, we just wanted to ask you and a few others some questions.”

“Sure, I understand.”

She stared at him for a beat too long, it was weird, but she smiled instead, “Great. As you know, Ayeon has had some serious charges levied against her and we’re doing our best to cooperate with the investigation, however, we recently learned about Andrew Kim’s involvement in the case.”

“What involvement?”

“I can’t share specifics, but it seems as though we have proof of his role in a murder that occurred 5 years ago.”

Daemin froze, there was only one murder his mind jumped to that was from 5 years ago. He made sure no evidence was left behind, he even had Kyung Gyu deal with the witness. How could they have tied Andrew to that?

“What murder?” He asked.

Her penetrating gaze was back for a moment before she sighed, “Again, I can’t share too many details, but it was one that was recently re-opened after initially being labeled a suicide. We believe that his role in that murder has resulted in the more killings, some of which could clear Ayeon’s name.”

“Oh…” He said slowly, “That’s good, right?”

She smiled in a way that didn’t reach her eyes, he wondered what was on her mind, he never cared much for her, “Yes, it is. Can you tell me what you know about Andrew? Is there anything about him or his behavior that could help us make sense of any of this?”

This wasn’t good. If they pinned this on someone else than Ayeon would be released, her lawyer would ask for the case to be dismissed. He couldn’t have that. He needed her locked away, painted as a psychotic villain.

At least they were dumb enough to not see him sitting right under their noses.

They had so many chances to catch him, when he called in the hostage, when he logged into her computer, when he followed her home and broke into her place, when he killed all those people, when he spread all those rumors. They could’ve found out at any time, but they didn’t.

One silver lining.

“I’m sorry but no, I don’t know any of that. He seemed a bit aggressive about Detective Yoo but a lot of officers were like that, unfortunately.”

Jinah tilted her head, her eyes pinned on his face, “Yeah…it is unfortunate, isn’t it? So, what are some of the things he’d say about her?”

He pretended to look bashful and nervous. “I’m sorry, it feels weird saying it out loud.”

Jinah patted his hand and he briefly thought about how he’d never see her touch anyone other than Soya and Ayeon. “It’s okay, you’re just telling me something you heard. I know.”

“He called her a bitch.” He said brazenly, “He said she was a narc and a slut that manipulates people to get her way. He said he doesn’t trust her and thinks the precinct and the world would be better off with her behind bars.”

She stared as he tried to catch his breath. “Well, that explains a lot.”

“What do you mean?” He said curiously. This entire thing was actually pretty riveting to him, he had never had such a prolonged conversation with her before. He remembered seeing Ayeon come into the precinct one day and how Jinah spoke to her so kindly. That was the day he snuck to the roof and had to throw dust in his eyes so that when she would come up to blow off steam, he’d find him crying.

Jinah leaned back and surveyed him, “It speaks to a motive.”

“What motive?” He asked.

She smiled, “He hated her, wanted to see her locked up.”

“Maybe he just didn’t trust her.” He offered.

She nodded, “That’s also possible but what reason would he have not to trust her?”

“Maybe he thought she had dirt on him and was going to expose him.”

She pursed her lips, “That’s actually a better theory than we initially had.”

“Really?”

She smiled in a way he wasn't familiar with, her face was typically set in a frown, “Thanks, Daemin, this was very helpful.”

“What’s going to happen to Andrew?” He asked, masking his eagerness. 

“Depends. If he’s innocent, nothing and Ayeon will continue waiting for trial.”

He nodded and started to stand when she spoke, “But if we find something on him if we find that he set her up, he’s going to feel a type of pain that he could never fathom.”

Daemin locked his gaze with hers before smiling slightly, “It’ll be interesting to see what’s going to happen.”

“Thanks for coming in, Daemin.” Her tone shifted, he didn’t know how to read it, but it sounded different. He nodded and left the conference room and walked quickly to his desk, avoiding everyone’s gossip as they tried to make sense of Andrew’s arrest.

He checked his laptop, a small smile working up his lips as he read a new message sent to Ayeon.

**[Jaehyun] You were sleeping with Andrew this whole time? This is why you wanted space? Fuck you, Ayeon. Go to hell.**

**[Ayeon] Leave me alone.**

**[Jaehyun] Fuck you. I know shit about you. Shit that could get you locked away for life.**

**[Ayeon] Don’t contact me again.**

Daemin leaned towards the computer, his eyes leeching onto every text when a new message popped up. He didn’t realize Andrew knew Ayeon, he never talked about her, never mentioned they were together. But then again, he never spoke to Andrew, he was just always in the background.

She was sleeping with him this entire time and Jaehyun was furious with her.

He never tried messing with their relationship, it seemed too risky because they were too loyal to each other, this was amazing.

A new conversation began, and he quickly clicked on it to watch it unfold.

**[Ayeon] You need to deal with Jaehyun. He’s going to talk.**

**[Jinah] Now isn’t a good time, Ayeon. Can’t you just talk to him?**

**[Ayeon] He’ll be at Taeyong’s restaurant tonight at 8PM, please make sure he doesn’t say anything.**

**[Jinah] I don’t know, it might make him want to say something even more. Let’s wait.**

**[Ayeon] Fine.**

They were probably going to spin it and blame Andrew for trying to frame her, he needed to figure out what Jaehyun knew because it could make any case against her all the more damning. He just couldn’t let them turn this on someone else. It had to be Ayeon or else she’d start talking and it’d all be over for him.

It was time to pay the gentle florist a visit.


	39. lilies

When Daemin walked into the restaurant that night, he spotted Jaehyun immediately.

He was slouched against the bar with a glass of whiskey in front of him and reeked of booze. Things must’ve been really bad if he broke his sobriety. Daemin walked towards the bar with slow steps and overheard the conversation he was having with the owner.

“5 years, Jae. You fell off the wagon after 5 years, what were you thinking?” He muttered.

Jaehyun snorted, thrusting his hand through his hair, “You’re the one who poured me a glass.”

“After you came to me already drunk. I didn’t want you ending up in some alleyway.”

The owner did a double when he saw him and quickly moved the bottle out of sight and gave Jaehyun’s figure a worried look before turning to him, “Hi, how can I help you?”

He was smart, he sat down across the bar, 5 seats away from Jaehyun to appear nonchalant, “Vodka on the rocks.”

Jaehyun hadn’t acknowledged Daemin yet and instead was focused on trying to convince Taeyong to refill his glass, “C’mon, Tae.”

He sighed and set Daemin’s drink down in front of him with an apologetic smile, “Ignore him.”

He turned back to Jaehyun and knocked his fist against his skull, “No. I’m cutting you off. Can you manage to stay conscious for 20 minutes until I finish closing?”

Jaehyun groaned, resting his head against the counter before wincing, “Whatever.”

Taeyong gave his friend a long look before sighing and walking to the back through the doors to the kitchen.

Jaehyun sat up and glanced towards the door Taeyong went through before leaning over the counter and pulling a bottle from under it with a triumphant smile. That was when he noticed Daemin staring and gave him a sloppy smile, “Keep this between us, yeah?”

“Trying to drown something out?” Daemin asked casually.

Jaehyun smiled bitterly, “Drown? No, I’m trying to set something on fire.”

Daemin stood up with his glass and moved to sit next to Jaehyun who barely noticed. “What happened?”

“I just found out my girlfriend, oh sorry, my _ex-_ girlfriend has been sleeping with some random asshole all this time.” Jaehyun with a wry laugh.

“Oh, bummer.”

Jaehyun snorted, “Bummer indeed.”

“She sounds like a bitch.” He said matter-a-factly. 

Jaehyun turned his head in his arms and stared at Daemin for a long moment before nodding sluggishly, “Yup, one big bitch.”

“You know, when someone pisses me off, I like to get revenge.” Daemin looked away but he could feel Jaehyun's curious gaze on him, _hooked_.

Jaehyun laughed and sat up, “Yeah, that sounds about right, but she’s a cop, it’s not easy.”

“Oh, come on, no one is perfect. There has to be some dirt on her that you could use to get back at her.”

“She’s working with a reporter.” Jaehyun said quietly, “Apparently she’s going to be at some abandoned dry cleaner place tonight to meet with her.”

Daemin froze, that was where Delco operated out of. That was where Lucas died, and she was going to be poking back around there with Mina?

“T-That doesn’t sound so bad.” He choked out.

Jaehyun shook his head with a smile and thumbed the glass in his hand, “She killed a man.”

“She—woah.” His mind raced, he had no idea about this, neither did his father, all they knew was about the prosecutor’s ex-boyfriend but even that wasn’t murder. If this was true, then she did a hell of a job covering it up.

She killed someone.

At this rate, he would’ve believed that she actually killed Kyung Gyu if he didn’t fire the shot himself.

But this was good, they could fight Kyung Gyu’s murder charges but there’s no way they could fight murder charges if she actually killed someone. He just needed to point the prosecution in this new direction.

“Do you know who it was?”

Jaehyun winced and blinked heavily, “I don’t remember.”

Daemin’s knee bounced erratically, “If you have a name, it’ll make the revenge sweeter once you put it out in public.”

Jaehyun frowned and reached for the glass in front of him when Daemin stopped his hand, “Remember the name.”

Jaehyun sighed, his body sagging, “I don’t know, man. It was Lee Dong-Something.”

 _Lee Dong Jae_.

What?

What the fuck was she talking about?

Dong Jae wasn’t dead.

What the hell did she know?

“What did she say about him?” He asked frantically but Jaehyun had passed out, knocking the glass of whiskey over, his sleeve soaking up the liquid.

He tried shaking Jaehyun’s arm, but the man was out. He moved quickly, feeling around Jaehyun’s pocket before finding his phone and using his thumb to unlock it. He clicked on Ayeon’s name and typed out a quick message.

**[Jaehyun] We need to talk tonight. Where are you?**

**[Ayeon] I’m leaving to go somewhere at midnight. We can talk after.**

Daemin checked his watch, it was 11:00PM, if she was going to leave her apartment, she must've figured out how to take off her ankle monitor, which means she was going rogue. If he left now, he could beat her there.

If she knew about Dong Jae, getting her thrown in jail as a corrupt cop-killer wouldn’t be enough.

He’d have to kill her.

He stood from the bar, not bothering paying and tossed Jaehyun’s phone on the counter as the owner was blissfully unaware before racing out of the restaurant, is mind concocting a plan. He bet he could make it look like suicide.

He’d done it once before.

\-----

“A florist? You could’ve been an actor.”

Jaehyun sat up from the bar and picked up his phone, looking through what Daemin had done with it. He didn’t look at Taeyong who was cleaning the drink he spilled, “He was so creepy and persistent.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t attack him. You just sat next to your sister’s killer.”

Jaehyun’s jaw tensed as he sent Ayeon a warning text, he needed to get over to her place fast. She had an hour. “Trust me, if this doesn’t work out, I’m going to regret faking drunk for the rest of my life.”

“So why do it?” Taeyong asked as Jaehyun stood, “Why not just kill him here?”

Jaehyun walked to the door, his heart in his throat, “Because that wouldn’t help Ayeon, it would only help me.”

\-----

Jaehyun stopped by his apartment before he went to Ayeon’s and was a little taken back by the crowd. Jinah, Soya, Mina, Johnny and someone he’d never seen before surrounded her on the couch.

Taeil and Doyoung were monitoring things at the precinct and Shownu was completely left out because if this plan failed, Ayeon would need one hell of a defense, so the less he knew, the better he’d be at saving her ass in court.

She looked up at him when he walked in and the apprehension and tension in her face melted away, “Hi.”

 _Be supportive, don’t show your worry._ He had to chant in his head.

“Hi, detective. How’s it going?”

She looked up at him and sniffed before frowning, “You reek like expensive booze.”

”Taeyong wanted to sell it so he basically poured a shot down my shirt.” He said assuringly.

She looked unsettled, “Thank you for doing this. Being around that much alcohol...”

”I’m fine, detective.” He said with a soft smile. If it was for her, he’d put himself through a lot worse. 

Mina crossed her arms and stood behind the new guy that was crouched by Ayeon’s ankle like his guardian. He glanced up at Jaehyun nervously, “Are you a cop too?”

“Former.” Johnny chirped in, grinning smugly at the panic on the boy’s face.

He wiped the sweat off his forehead, “Oh man, I knew you were working with cops, I was happy to hack into whatever database to get you information, Mina, but did you have to drag me here and show them my face?”

She rolled her eyes, “Relax, Hendery, this isn’t some elaborate sting to bust you for hacking.”

“Although, I’d like to talk to you a bit more about potential holes in our security system.” Jinah said with a frown.

Hendery groaned weakly, “I can’t believe two cops and a lawyer are watching me do something illegal.”

“How’s it looking? You have 40 minutes to get down there.” Soya said impatiently.

He used a small screwdriver to work on her ankle monitor, “I’m doing my best. I have to be careful; these things are programmed to notify the police when it’s taken off, I have to make sure it’d down gently so I can disable the program and replace it with a fake signal.”

Jaehyun peered at the laptop sitting next to Hendry with code filling the screen.

“Are you sure this plan is a good idea, Jinah?” Soya asked quietly. She had become more and more unnerved ever since her boyfriend was pulled from the vault of her mind into the stark forefronts. Everything made her jump and it made Jinah protective.

She reached for her hand, “Ayeon needs to confront him, that’s the only way we’re getting answers. We’ll be following her closely with Taeil and Doyoung. It’ll be fine.”

“I can’t believe it.” Ayeon muttered. “Daemin. He looked so small and vulnerable. I felt so bad for him. He lied about being bullied. He lied about defending me. He’s a sociopath.”

Jaehyun frowned as he watched Ayeon’s face fall into a trance, “Your only interactions with him started when you found him on the roof, what reason does he have to hate you so much to do all of this to you? What does he think you know?”

“What happened at the funeral?” Jinah asked, “He came to your computer after it and apparently started hating you there.”

She shook her head, “I have no idea, I wasn’t even allowed to go, remember? I just dropped off the flowers.”

“Almost…done.” Hendery said as he poised the screw with one hand and used his other to hover over the enter key on his laptop. He took two quick breaths before hitting the key and lifting the screwdriver off simultaneously.

They waited for the alarms and SWAT team bursting through the door, but minutes passed in silence before Hendery laid down on the ground, spread out, “Oh thank god, it worked.”

“Are you sure?” Johnny asked. If Ayeon was in a better mood, she’d tease Johnny for being jealous of Hendery and Mina.

Hendery nodded, “Definitely.”

Jinah took a long breath, “Okay, I guess this is it. He’s going to be there in about 35 minutes.”

“I’ll mic you up.” Hendery said tiredly, dragging himself up as he searched his little tech toolbox for the proper equipment.

Jaehyun watched her lift her shirt and Hendery paused when he saw all the bruising and glanced up at her in shock before he began taping things to her torso. He waited until he was done before stepping towards her through the group.

“Ayeon.”

Everyone turned to Jaehyun but he just stared at her, the undeniable love of his life, before reaching behind him and pulling something out of his waistband. “Take this with you.”

Everyone gaped at the gun he held out towards her. She looked at him, startled as she reached for it, the cold metal sharp against her fingers, “Where did you get this?”

“My safe.” He said, glancing at Mina who seemed to realize where his previous curt tone had come from when she had mentioned it before, “It’s my old service pistol. I didn’t return it after I quit and there was so much chaos that no one noticed.”

Jinah blanched, “I can’t believe you had that.”

“I don’t use it. It’s usually unloaded but you don’t have your gun and I’m not letting you go in there unarmed.” He said deeply.

She tucked it into her belt with a nod.

Hendery shook his head, quickly packing up his things, “You people are insane. I’m leaving. I was never here. You don’t know me; I don’t know you. Bye Mina.”

He scurried out of her apartment and Jinah pulled her body away from Soya’s, “Okay, I’ll head over with Taeil and Doyoung. Mina and Johnny stay here. Soya, go into the office, let us know if anything comes up, the prosecutor will be the first to know. Jaehyun…”

“I’ll be here too.”

Ayeon looked surprised but he smiled, “I’m not promising I’ll stay here all night.”

Soya looked at Ayeon, “Ready?”

“It’s now or never.”

\-----

He stopped her before she left, pulling her aside. It felt wrong not telling her he loved her or not kissing her before she left, instead, he just stood close and asked one single question.

“Friends can hug, right?”

Ayeon felt her heart stutter before she nodded. He brought her into his arms, and it was like everything had fallen into its correct spot, where it belonged. She closed her eyes and breathed him in, memorizing the rhythm of his heartbeat. She smiled, for the first time since he’d seen her, and leaned her forehead against his, “Can I have a small vase of flowers tomorrow?”

He pulled her close and prayed his confidence wouldn’t be in vain, “Detective, I’ll bring you a whole garden.”

She quickly brushed her fingers through his hair, soaking in every last moment, she remembered the night when he asked her if he could tell her he loved her because he felt uneasy of her leaving in the night.

She felt that now.

“Be safe, okay?” He whispered.

She nodded against his shoulder, squeezing him especially tightly. He used a hand to gather her hair into a ponytail and smooth down it, “I’ll be here when you get back.”

She nodded for the third time, too afraid to speak as he slowly stepped back, “Just promise to come home.”

“Promise.”

\-----

“You know what the worst part of it is?” Johnny said as the three of them waited. “No matter what he says tonight, we’ll never know if it’s the whole truth or just his side of the story.”

Mina rested her head against his shoulder, “It’s because we don’t have any hard evidence.”

Jaehyun couldn’t sit still and was pacing in the kitchen when his phone buzzed. He stared at the name and blanked trying to remember why it looked familiar.

_Sicheng_

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this…Jung Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes, “Yeah, who is this?”

“I’m Sicheng from Snapshot. Your film roll is developed, and your photos are ready to be picked up.”

God, he totally forgot about Haerin’s pictures, “You guys are still open?”

“For another hour.” Sicheng said, bored.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead, “I’ll be there.”

He grabbed his jacket and moved to the door, “I’ll be back, I have to go to Snapshot to pick up Haerin’s polaroids.”

“Wait, what?” Mina asked with a stunned laugh, “Why did you need to get polaroid photos developed?”

Jaehyun stilled, “What do you mean?”

“The whole point of Polaroids is that they’re instantly developed. How did a film roll come from a Polaroid camera?” Mina asked incredulously.

Jaehyun’s hands trembled. “I—the person who found Haerin’s camera who saw a police car in the area gave it to me. She said it was in the camera. I wasn’t really paying a lot of attention at the time.”

“That’s not possible.” Johnny said, “That’s not how Polaroids work, it’s not possible to fit an entire tube of film in those types of cameras. Hell, why was it even already in a tube?”

“I don’t know. That day was really overwhelming, I didn’t even notice that. But that woman had no reason to lie, she was an old woman.” His voice cracked, how could he have not noticed the discrepancy?

“Maybe she wasn’t lying. Maybe the film was next to the camera when it was found, and she just assumed it was with the Polaroid camera. It would make sense if she didn’t know how a Polaroid camera works, she could’ve assumed.” Mina offered.

Jaehyun shook his head, “But Haerin didn’t use a regular film camera.”

Johnny’s eyes widened, “Maybe it wasn’t her. Maybe she found it.”

Mina already had her jacket on before everyone raced out of the door to the camera store.

\-----

Sicheng’s face was covered in shock when Mina, Johnny, and Jaehyun burst into his shop demanding the photos.

He blinked and slowly pulled a thick envelope from under the counter. He barely got the total out when Jaehyun shoved bills towards him, telling him to keep the change before they grabbed the envelope out of his hands and ran out.

“Thanks for shopping with Snapshot.”

They huddled under a lamppost and his hands shook as he took the photos out and began flipping through each picture.

“It’s…oh my god.”

“It’s Daemin.” Jaehyun said quietly. He looked at the pictures of him standing by the lake in sunglasses, the same lake Haerin was found at. They looked like vacation photos taken a month before her death.

He flipped to the next picture of Daemin standing shoulder to shoulder in front of the lake with the Interim Commissioner.

Jaehyun let out a breath, ”And his dad.”

“This was from his camera.” Johnny muttered, unable to look away, “Who would’ve thought a sociopathic murderer was into the vintage film roll aesthetic.”

Jaehyun flipped to the next photo and stopped, it was different from the vacation pictures. It was darker and it took a moment before Mina figured it out, “That’s Delco. They’re literally sitting in front of lines of coke. What dumbass thought that was a good time for a selfie?”

Jaehyun couldn’t believe what he was seeing when he flipped to the last photo, “The blood.”

The photo looked like it was taken on accident, it was pointed to the sky but in the corner of the frame captured was the back taillight and a license plate. “That’s the number Lucas tracked.”

“They took this picture the day she died.” Jaehyun whispered, pointing at the date printed at the bottom.

Johnny’s eyes widened, “Oh my god. Wait.” He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his notes to the ones he took with Jaehyun when they were in Lucas’s apartment.

“One this day Lucas was looking into a hit and run that he believed wasn’t properly investigated, it was an old lady like one town over from where Haerin was found. Look, see?”

Jaehyun read Johnny’s notes before looking back at the picture, “They hit someone and then got my sister into their car and killed her.”

Silence echoed between the three of them as he flipped to the last photo which was taken an hour before Haerin died and was nothing more than the inside roof of the cruiser, another accidental photo. “The lady said she saw a flash of light when she saw the police car pull up and Haerin got in.”

“You think there was a struggle and she hit the camera and it went off?” The morbid-ness of it all was making him nauseous.

Jaehyun stared at the photo in a daze, imagining Haerin alive, breathing and terrified just a couple of inches out of frame. “She must’ve stolen the film when she was in the car.”

Mina looked away from the sadness on his face and that’s when she noticed that in a rush, Jaehyun had dropped one of the photos on the ground. She bent and picked it up before turning it and gasping.

“That’s him.”

Jaehyun frowned, “Yeah, it’s Daemin.”

It was a picture of him, but without the sunglasses covering his face.

“No.” Mina whispered, “That’s the guy that stabbed me in the alley. I remember now. I pulled off his mask for a second. Oh god, it’s coming back. I remember thinking he kinda looked familiar because I saw him at the precinct when I handcuffed myself to the chair.”

Johnny’s eyes widened, “Shit.”

“We have it, then.” Jaehyun breathed out, “We have proof that he killed Haerin, stabbed Mina, needed the USB and he is dirty.”

Johnny smirked, “He’s done for.”

Mina didn’t seem so confident as she turned to Jaehyun, the fear of God in her eyes, “I’ve faced that guy in person, the look in his eye that night, it wasn’t human. He was going to kill me, and he didn’t spare a second to feel guilty. Ayeon’s not safe going in there alone, even with the three of them as back-up.”

“Mina…”

She stared at him, her eyes dark and her face grave, “Jaehyun, he’s following her there not to confront her, but to kill her.”

Jaehyun could hear his heartbeat in his ears as he stared at the pictures in his hands before he took off running.

\-----

Ayeon spotted Jinah, Taeil and Doyoung’s car tailing behind her as she pulled up to the old laundry mat. The sight of it had her trembling. She refused to believe the last time she was here actually happened. She was grumpy but under the radar, compartmentalizing her feelings worked, Lucas was alive, Jaehyun didn’t know she existed, and she was barely keeping everything together.

It felt like another universe entirely.

She took slow, deep breaths, she gripped the wheel so hard that she could feel her fingers cramping. She wondered if they washed off Lucas’s blood or if there was still a dried pool of blood imprinted on the floor.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she stepped out of the car before moving towards the building, trying her hardest to focus. She couldn’t let herself be distracted with her emotions, not this time. She held her head up and walked through the building, stepping over boxes and tipped over washing machines until she pushed open a rusty door before stepping into the warehouse.

Even the smell was the same.

She walked to the center of the room and looked around, taking in the layout, with stairs leading up to a runway overhead and a door and window hidden behind a sheet of plastic.

“Mina?” She pretended, holding up her phone to her ear, “Are you almost here? Hurry, it’s getting late.”

She turned her back to the door and slowly pulled Jaehyun’s gun out of the front of her jeans and held it close to her leg when she heard footsteps moving slowly towards her.

“You know, I _really_ didn’t want you to ever have to know I was involved in this, but you and your little friends made it so fucking difficult.”

She turned around and flinched at the gun being pointed at her, she met Daemin’s eyes and didn’t have to feign shock because the sight of the gun did that organically. “Daemin? What are you doing here?”

“You should’ve just minded your business. Why did you have to act like Lucas’s fucking avenger?”

She swung her gun up, poised between his eyes, “Put it down.”

“God, I shouldn’t have stopped drugging you. I should’ve kept doing it until you were convicted. I was getting too confident.” The soft cherub man she consoled on the rooftop was replaced by someone with frantic eyes and an animalistic growl.

It shook her core how different he was in front of her.

She moved closer so that she could make sure it was being recorded, “You were drugging me?”

He tightened his grip, guns facing off as they stared each other down in a fatal game of chicken, “It was the only way to make sure you weren’t credible. I needed to confuse you, to make you think your memory was failing. To be fair, I didn’t drug you a lot, just a few times, the rest was just timing texts so they happened at night and you’d just assume that you sent them but blacked out and couldn’t remember. I made you paranoid so, when something happened, you’d blame it on your blackouts and faulty memory.”

“Oh my god.” She sneered. Coming out of his mouth, it hit her in a way she didn’t expect. It was so brazen and jarring. 

He shrugged all too cavalierly, “I had to make sure no one would ever believe you, you see. If you weren’t credible, anything you would say about me would be tossed out.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She breathed out. Hearing him say it out loud made her sick. She felt utterly violated like he unraveled parts of her life and rooted around before spooling it back up out of order.

He ignored her and was starting to notice the lack of focus in his eyes, “The hostage and vandalism were just shit I had to do to test you and turn people against you which wasn’t that hard to be honest, people didn’t really care much for you before.”

Rage flushed through her veins, “I could’ve died.”

“And?” He snorted. "Oh, sorry about the scar on your face though. I never meant for that to happen, but you just had to get in the way, didn't you?"

“Why me?” She asked finally, the question that had been plaguing her for days, “Why go this far just to hurt me? What did I ever do to you?”

“Are you kidding? You knew!” He exclaimed, waving his gun at her.

She stared at him incredulously, “I knew what? That you killed Haerin? I didn’t know that until long after you started fucking with me.”

“Lucas told you about me.” He spat back.

The pretending was getting harder as she tried to make sense of the new information, “What?”

“Lucas told you what he knew about me, about what I had done, about how I knew Delco, about the hit and run. All of it.” He growled while moving towards her.

She tried to track him with her gun, but he was moving too erratically, “What are you talking about? Lucas didn’t tell me shit.”

He scowled at her, “When Jinah was yelling at us after I called you into that hostage situation, you said that the badge had to be earned every day. Lucas said that to me when I confronted him. That’s how I knew for sure that he talked to you.”

\-----

_“Please man, you need to drop this. Just look the other way.”_

_Lucas glared at Daemin, ripping his arm out of his vice-grip, “Daemin, you killed people. I’m not letting this go. Now leave me alone.”_

_“You can’t do this to me.” Daemin hissed._

_Lucas stepped to him with a growl, “I can and will do this._ The badge isn’t given to you, you need to earn it every single time. _And you deserve to have it ripped out of your hands after how much you’ve fucked up.”_

_Daemin’s eyes narrowed as Lucas turned and stormed out of the conference room. If Lucas went to someone with what he knew, it would be over, it would all be for nothing. He couldn’t have that. He couldn’t just let him ruin everything he’s worked for._

_Lucas’s let out a breath, he was rattled, Daemin knowing he was looking into him wasn’t good. He didn’t think he knew he was undercover but if it got out that he was following officers in his own precinct, things could go very bad, very fast. He needed better proof. Something he could go to his superiors with so he could be off this case and out of this precinct._

_“Hey.” He whispered to one of the uniformed officers that was particularly fond of him, “Do you know if there are any updates on the Delco case?_

_The officer snorted, “I’m way too low on the pecking order to know about the Delco case, but Detective Yoo’s working that case and last I heard, she was bothering Jinah to let her go on the field to investigate but her partner is on maternity leave so she’s stuck at her desk.”_

_He paused, his heart flipping as he turned to stare at Detective Yoo. She was frowning at her computer, her hair kept up with a pencil, clicking violently at her laptop. He was good at his job, good at understanding the difficulties that lay in going undercover and forming relationships on the basis of a lie, relationships that would last the length of an operation._

_But he messed up with Ayeon._

_He had never fallen for someone during an operation before. He was kind of grateful that she kept turning him down because he wouldn’t know what to do if she ever said yes, knowing that eventually, he’d have to disappear without a word._

_It was going to be hell when he had to leave._

_“Jesus, Lucas, try not to be so obvious.” The officer joked before walking away._

_Lucas grinned and strolled up to Ayeon, leaning his hip against her desk. She didn’t look away from her computer, “What do you want, Lucas?”_

_“I heard you need a partner for tonight.”_

_She finally looked at him, incredulously, “Absolutely not.”_

_“Oh, come on, you need someone and there’s no way you’re going to let an opportunity to catch Delco slip through your fingers just because of me. You know I’m good. I would be useful.” He said._

_She narrowed her eyes at him, and his grin grew, “The biggest drug dealer this city as every seen, Ayeon.”_

_“Fuck.” She muttered before standing, “Fine. But no antics.”_

_He trailed after her, smiling at the back of her head as she pulled the pencil out and her long locks tumbled down her back. He wondered what it was about her that flipped his principles out of order._

_“Trust me, it’ll be the best night of your life.”_

_\-----_

“No, that’s just something he used to tell me, it suited the moment, so I said it.” She exclaimed in frustration.

He was unmoved, “Bullshit. What about at his funeral? I saw you dropping the flowers off. I heard what you said.”

_He stood by the door and watched her stare at Lucas’s casket. He was pretty sure she wasn’t even allowed to be here._

_She reached out and pulled out one of the flowers from the wreath, eyeing the curve of the white petals. She laid it on top of the casket despite knowing that one of the staff members will probably throw it out before the guests filled in._

_Still, she rested her palm on the flat surface and smiled, “Jinah says hi.”_

_“You were a good detective, Lucas. I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry I took you there. I won’t rest until I find out what happened_ _. You told me the badge is earned, I’m about to earn it.”_

_His eyes widened as he played those words over in his head. She knew, she had to know. Lucas must’ve told her. He knew they were close, but this was catastrophic. If she knew what he knew, then he wasn’t safe._

_He had to get rid of her too._

She scoffed, “I wasn’t talking about you. I didn’t even know you at that time. I thought Delco killed him then. I wanted to go after _him_.”

“But…tonight, your ex-boyfriend said you were looking into Lee Dong Jae.” She heard the hitch in his voice, he was thrown off by this.

She moved closer to him, to corner him in, “Yeah, because I thought he killed Lucas and Haerin.”

“Now, that is true.” His tone changing quickly to something lighter, more jovial. It sent chills up and down her arms.

Ayeon did a double take in her mind, “It is?”

“Yes, Lee Dong Jae killed that fucking brat because she saw a car accident and stayed around to watch.”

Ayeon looked confused, “What are you talking about? What accident?”

“Dong Jae hit a poor old lady. She was crossing the street and he was a little high. He tried to hide the body, but he noticed her hiding behind a house, watching and then she ran. So, he got in his car and chased after her.” He cooed.

She hated how vividly she could see the scene playing out in her mind. Haerin’s wide eyes when she realized he wasn’t going to call an ambulance, the fear when she locked eyes with him and the moment, he yanked her into the car because she couldn’t outrun it.

“Stop.” She whispered; she didn’t want to hear anymore. She didn’t want to see any more of it forcing its way into her imagination.

But he didn’t listen, “She fought back, nearly broke his camera, she was using it as a weapon and then she managed to get out of the car and run, so he went after her.”

She hoped she’d get to shoot him with Jaehyun’s gun.

“He grabbed her by the backpack and strangled her because she wouldn’t stop screaming and he couldn’t let anyone find out.” His tone was thick like he was savoring his words. He wasn’t someone who killed and lied to save himself. He did it because he got a little bit of joy out of it.

“But Lucas did.”

He nodded, “But he was easy, once I realized he was following me and investigating me, I confronted him and when he said he thought I was dirty, I realized I couldn’t buy his silence.”

“So, you killed him?” The words were sour out of her mouth.

“I just followed him around until I had the perfect opportunity, and what better time than when he’s walking into a drug house that I had connections with without backup?” He joked.

No wonder Mina saw a cruiser before the rest of backup showed up. “You just hid and shot to make us think it was Delco. You’re a coward.”

“No, I’m smart.” He leered.

She wanted to cave his face in with everything she had, “And the reason you haven’t been caught.”

“It helps when your dad is powerful and has a habit of cleaning up after me.” He said with a casual shrug.

“You or Lee Dong Jae?”

He smiled, “Both. Had to do a bit of a name change so no one knew he was my dad.”

“Your dad probably resents you for having to always clean up your messes.” She hissed.

His smile fell, “You don’t know anything about my dad.”

“I know that if it wasn’t for you, he might’ve been able to actually be a clean Commissioner.”

“Fuck you!” He yelled.

She stood, defiantly, “Why did you kill Kyung Gyu? He said he was your alibi.”

“Yeah, but then I followed you to his house and I just knew he talked. I didn’t want to kill him, it was just sort of on the fly, you have to commend my quick thinking because pinning you for that murder was totally spontaneous.”

She nearly rolled her eyes at how giddy he sounded.

“Why tell me all this? You know I’m here to meet with a reporter and I’m still on trial. I can turn everyone on you.”

“Oh, well, easy. I’m going to kill you. I should’ve done the minute I thought you were onto something, but I was having too much fun with this plot against you. I got carried away.” He said it so calmly like he was ordering food.

Her tone was callous, “I won’t be so easy.”

He grinned lowered his gun, “You are, Detective Yoo. That’s how I got you this far.”

Before his sentence was finished, he pulled a smoke grenade out and dropped it on the ground and she barely had time to adjust when it went off, plumes of thick white smoke blocking her vision. She couldn’t even see two feet in front of her, but she tried to keep her gun aimed and ready.

She barely took a step before she was knocked to the ground her gun tumbling out of her hands, away from her reach. A heavy boot crushed her hand, a scream catching in her throat. He kicked her face with his other boot and the scream finally escaped her throat. He stepped off of her and bent to pick up her gun.

She struggled to stand and in the process, her shirt lifted a fraction, but she knew he had seen the white cable, his eyes widened, “Are you…are you wearing a wire?”

“Looks like you weren’t that smart, to begin with.” She grunted as she got to her feet.

“It’s fine.” He said with a laugh, “I’ll just say that you made me confess under duress, that is if they even find your body.”

The smoke was starting to settle and suddenly, she was feeling outnumbered and under armed, “Why did you have to kill her? She was 16, you could’ve got your father to hide the hit and run, no one would’ve believed a 16-year-old. Why did to have to kill her?”

He snarled, “She stole the film.”

“And you could’ve taken it back.” She countered.

“I knew who she was.”

Ayeon paused before her lips turned down in a frown, “What do you mean?”

“I saw her picture on his desk when I was at his precinct for some other business. I knew she was a cop’s sister and I knew if she opened her mouth, he’d believe her."

She glared up at him, "You can kill me, but you won't get away with it. Too many people know the truth and you can't kill them all. You won't be able to hang this on anyone else. It's over."

He smacked the gun against her face, and she fell to the ground before looking up at him. He towered over her; the gun pointed at her forehead. Her stomach sank as she struggled to come to terms with her end, after everything she fought for, after everything she’d been through and the people she had, she was going to die.

But at least the truth would be out in the open.

She could die happily knowing that.

And she would be honored dying where Lucas died.

"Maybe." He hissed, "But I'm going to cause the most pain on the way down."

She closed her eyes when he cocked the weapon and held her breath when the shot fired. She waited for the same pain that she felt the last time she was here to explode across her body, immobilizing her but when she heard a scream that wasn’t hers, she opened her eyes and found Daemin smiling at her with the gun down by his side pointing at the floor.

He missed.

Ayeon paused for a moment in confusion when she felt no pain, in a second, he crumbled to the ground when a bullet caught him in the knee. She regained her senses and acted quick, knocking the gun out of his hand, alarmed at how easily it flew away, like he had no grip on it, before tackling him to the ground.

It didn’t make sense.

Why wasn’t he fighting back?

She stared down at him and that’s when she realized he was looking at something on the walkway above their heads. She looked up and felt her entire universe shatter as she watched Doyoung barking orders into his phone while still holding his gun while Jinah and Taeil pressed their hands to stop the blood gushing out of Jaehyun’s bullet wound.

Bullet wound.

He was shot.

Daemin didn’t miss her.

He was aiming at a different target altogether.

She could feel Daemin’s laughter from under her and it felt like her vision was dragging as she looked back down at him.

“Lose the battle, win the war, Detective Yoo.”


	40. laurels

You’d think that being in the field long enough, seeing death as many times, and smelling gun smoke every day would desensitize you from truly horrific moments that would devastate a normal person.

You’d think that by now, you were prepared to handle anything your job threw at you.

If that’s what you thought, too bad.

Because nothing can prepare you for when a loved one goes down.

You can't prep yourself for heartbreak. 

It just happens. 

When the officers burst into the warehouse guns drawn, Ayeon’s hands went automatically up but her eyes were locked overhead where Jaehyun’s body was laying. She couldn’t hear anything the officers were yelling.

She could, instead, hear the high-pitched scream in her ears as everything around her zeroed out. She felt herself being pushed aside so that the officers could pick up Daemin from under her feet.

It was strange they went straight at him when _she_ was the one that was accused of murder, but she was too distracted to care.

“It was her! She kidnapped me!” Daemin yelled, tears streaming down his face. “She tried to frame me! Please help!”

One of the officers leaned close to him and tilted his head, “Frame you for what, exactly?”

“For all of the things she’s being charged with.” He pleaded, his voice shaking like that of a frantic innocent bystander. It made sense why he managed to go so long undetected. He looked like the kind of guy who would spill soup on himself and apologize.

He was like those cute looking animals whose venom was deadly but you wouldn’t know until it was too late and fatally coursing through your veins.

“Oh, you mean the murder of Kyung Gyu? No problem, we found a stash of her bullets in your house, and the drugs. What else did we find, Jeno?”

Another man stepped up and held up a stack of pictures, “Good question, Jaemin, we also have proof you killed Jung Haerin and the Jane Doe you hit with your car. Oh, and we know you killed Lucas too. And trust me, the list goes on and on with the crap we have on you.”

Daemin’s eyes widened, “Ho—”

“You messed with Internal Affairs. You took out one of our own and payback’s a bitch.” Jeno hissed before pulling out handcuffs.

Daemin’s face changed instantly from a scared, harmless victim into a murderous glare and a ferocious growl, “Those charges won’t stick.”

Jaemin lifted a brow at the switch, “Why? Because of your dad? Don’t worry, we got him and a laundry list of other officers in custody as we speak.”

Jeno grinned and shoved him towards the police car, “See? It’s a bitch.”

Jaemin turned to Ayeon and stepped towards her with good news on his lips but in a second, she took off running, nearly plowing him over as she ran up the stairs behind the paramedics to where Jaehyun was.

“Oh my god.” She whispered, her hands trembling as she stared at the red pouring out of him. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was so laboured that she could feel the pain in her own lungs. “Why is this happening?”

His skin was draining of colour and he was motionless. She wanted to grab him by the arms and shake him awake because as long as she’s known him, he’d always been full of life, colour and love. And that’s how he should always be.

Jinah looked up at her, tears down her face as the EMTs took over, “He wanted to hurt you and he took out the one thing you loved to do it.” 

Ayeon felt her vision blur and the urge to pass out increase, anything to eject her from this moment and this feeling in her stomach. This feeling of impending loss. Instead, she watched the paramedics lifted him onto a stretcher and take him down to the ambulance.

“Well, it fucking worked.”

\-----

Ayeon wondered if there would ever be a time when she would step foot in a hospital with a feeling other than devastation.

“You’re going to have a full body cramp, at this rate.”

She opened her eyes and stared up at the doctor, squinting to read his name, Xiaojun. “That’s not a real medical condition.”

He smiled and gripped his clipboard, “No, it’s not, but it’ll probably still hurt.”

She was curled up on the hard plastic chair outside the operating room, Jinah, Soya, Mina, Taeil, Taeyong and every other one of Jaehyun’s friends had spent hours waiting before they went home to sleep and get changed. Some were on flights from whatever country they were in just to see him.

The sentiment would warm her if the fear inside her didn’t ice her over with numbness, “Please tell me he’s going to be okay.”

He smiled at her, “He’s fine. In a little pain but the bullet was successfully removed, it was shot in his shoulder, nothing major was hit.”

It was like a tight knot had come undone in her chest, “Okay. Okay, good. This is good. No buts, right?”

“No buts.” He said with a smile.

Her heart was going to explode, and she was glad she was in a hospital for when it happens. “Then, can I go see him?”

“Of course.” He said gently.

She stood up so fast that she nearly tripped over her chair before she followed the doctor down the hall and into a small room where Jaehyun was resting, his arm elevated in a sling.

Xiaojun poked his head inside the room, “You have a visitor.”

Jaehyun looked up from his arm and smiled when he saw Ayeon lingering by the door, “Hi, detective.”

Xiaojun slipped out the door, closing it behind him to leave the two of them alone. Ayeon closed her eyes and shook her head, “God, there was so much blood.”

“Come closer.” He murmured.

She hesitated a second before walking to him, undecided as she kept her gaze on his arm. It was bandaged and plastered from his shoulder to his wrist. He raised his brows when he noticed something in her arms, “What’s that?”

“I was in the gift shop. These are…these are yellow roses, according to the little label, they stand for ‘get well soon,’ and I thought it was fitting.” She said while setting the pot down on his little table.

He smiled, almost sadly, “Also stands for friendship.”

“Oh. Well, I guess it’s _really_ fitting.” She said wryly.

His laugh turned into a wince when his shoulder stung in pain. She frowned and touched the bandage lightly, “Look at you.”

“You’re not really looking at me.” Jaehyun mused.

She huffed and raised her head to meet his eyes. Her heart stumbled when she locked into his gaze, warm, melted and brimming with something they promised not to touch for a while. “You know I have an issue with men who have told me they love me getting shot in that building.”

His smile was sad as he watched her, if he could spend 48 hours just staring at her, he would swear he’d be completely healed. That was the effect she had, “I’m sorry, detective. I didn’t think he’d see me sneak in.”

“Don’t apologize but why did you come to the drug house at all?” She asked, exasperated. 

His tone was simple like he was telling her an honest truth, “Because I realized he was trying to kill you. If you feel crappy now, imagine how devastated I would be if something worse happened to you.”

“This isn’t a competition.” She huffed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. 

He shrugged awkwardly with the cast and sling, "You're right, but I'll never _not_ run towards you when you're in danger." 

"Jaehyun..." She complained weakly.

He just grinned, "Did you get the pictures?"

"God, you're so persistent. Yes. I got them." She grumbled; a fit of gentle anger flickering in her eyes. He was shot, he should be focusing on the pain, not the case.

His grin turned into a full-fledged beam. He had never been shot before, even when he was on duty and it hurt with a type of white-hot searing pain he never thought was possible. But she was in front of him and both of them were alive. Nothing else mattered, “Pretty.”

“I was so scared.” She whispered, squeezing his hand, “I didn’t even know you were in there; I shouldn’t have let him get the gun. You were just laying there, you looked lifeless. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I thought you could’ve died. I wished he shot me ins—”

“Ayeon.” He said slowly, his words weighed down with painkillers. “Let me say one thing that a friend would normally never say.”

“Anything.” She said quickly, “Say anything, I don’t care. Just tell me.”

“I’m going to be okay, my love.”

She let out a stunned breath before tears slipped down her cheeks, his voice was music to her ears, the first bloom in spring and coming home to someone who would take a bullet for you and smile right after. He grinned, scrunching his face up, “You’ve been crying a lot lately.”

She kept her fists in a tight ball, “Jaehyun, you don’t know what it was like watching our friends try to save you. It was like…it was like—”

“I’m alive. Everything is okay.” He reassured.

He shifted over to give her space to sit on the edge of his bed, “They arrested him and his dad. Mina and Johnny brought those pictures she had with her. They’re re-opening Haerin, Lucas and Kyung Gyu’s case and that hit and run.”

“Wha—how long was I in surgery for?” He said, stunned.

She sighed and longed to touch him, to mundanely believe that her fingers could soothe his pain, “Not long. IA took the case over. Lucas has some very pissed off friends.”

“It’s all done? They’re really gone.” He asked while staring up at the ceiling. It felt odd, having something she and him had built up for so long just be over.

She fiddled with the blanket that was draped over his legs, “Yeah, all done.”

“And your charges?” He asked.

She snorted, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”

He gave her a hard look, “To me? It’s in the top 2.”

“They’ve been dropped.” She said softly.

He smiled, rubbing his thumb in small circles on her hand, “Good.”

“We’re good.” She whispered.

He nodded, “We are.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt.” Xiaojun said apologetically, “Visiting hours are over but you’re free to see him tomorrow.”

Ayeon stood, wiping her tears before touching his cheek, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Don’t bring everyone with you, they were so loud I swear I heard them through the anesthetic.” He muttered.

She laughed and it felt like a weight lifted, “You’re just going to get me and only me.”

“Perfect.” He whispered, squeezing her hand before letting her leave.

Xioajun waited for her to be down the hall before facing him, “She was out there all morning.”

“Really?”

He nodded while reviewing his charts, “Girlfriend?”

“Ex.” He said with a smile.

Xiaojun raised his brows, “Man, I don’t think my exes would spend all night outside my operating room if you paid them. In fact, I’m sure one of them would be the reason why I was in the operating room in the first place.”

Jaehyun laughed, wincing a little when sharpness stung his shoulder. “I got lucky.”

“Yeah well, share some of that luck with the rest of us man.” He scribbled on Jaehyun’s chart before hanging it by the foot of his bed, “Is there anything I do for you? Anything you need?”

Jaehyun was about to turn down the offer when an idea crossed his mind, “Hey, can you walk me to the library?”

\-----

“I’m five minutes from closing, Detective Yoo.” Taeyong whined when she strolled into his restaurant smelling like a hospital, out of place standing amongst rich golds and reds.

“Make an exception?” She asked as she made her way to the glamorous bar with flattering lighting and expensive booze stocked high.

Taeyong sighed and followed her, grabbing a bottle of gin and two glasses before sitting next to her. “I always thought your first time here would be on a date with Jaehyun.”

She watched him pour two glasses and hand one off to her. She took a sip and winced, she didn’t like gin, it tasted too much like pine and Christmas, “I feel like I’m constantly putting him through something painful.”

Taeyong paused mid-sip before glancing at her, “Wow, okay. That was unexpected.”

“But I want to be with him so badly and not being with him or the thought of him with someone else completely derails me. Being in that hospital room with him and having to pretend that we’re just friends was like torture.” She said while taking another sip.

He turned to face her, “It was your idea, though.”

“I know. And I still believe in my rationale, I just don’t have the best self-restraint to follow through.” She admitted.

Taeyong laughed, “Yeah, he definitely needs a girlfriend with no self-restraint.”

She ran her fingers through hair with a smile, leaning on her palm, “I just don’t know what to do. I know that space is the right thing to do.”

“But it’s not what you want to do.” He finished.

She nodded, “Especially after what happened.”

“Then do what you want to do, it’s really not that complicated. You both deserve to be selfish. The devil is dead, you can start again.” Taeyong said.

She looked at him curiously, “You don’t resent me for it?”

“Ayeon, I want to get a statue of you built for it.” He finished off his drink and took her glass from her before she could finish hers, “Now stop overthinking, enough with the angsty moping around and go have sex in a hospital.”

\-----

Waking up was starting to hurt more and more.

He opened his eyes and blinked at the ceiling, trying to adjust his vision until the blurry lines sharpened. He took a few heaving coughs before he heard someone shifting in the chair was usually set across from his bed. He reached over and pressed the button on his bed that lifted him up so that he was sitting up.

He stared at the man seated across from him, he was wearing a sling on his left arm and was looking at a leafy potted plant set on the windowsill that wasn’t there when he went to sleep. Clearly, he wasn’t a nurse.

“Who ar—”

“Did you know that in Greek mythology the laurel tree was named after Daphne, the daughter of the river god Penaeus. She was this extraordinarily talented and dedicated huntress who was loyal to the goddess Artemis and, like her, refused to marry. She rejected everyone, even the most powerful men like Apollo. But Apollo, you see, was persistent, and even after she said no, he pursued her through the forest, Daphne was so afraid that she prayed to her father to help her, so he turned her into a Laurel tree. Apollo cut off some branches to make himself a wreath to remember her beauty by, even though the only reason she became that tree, the only reason the world was deprived of her hunting skills was because she wanted to get away from him.”

“Am I Penaeus?” He rasped, a glint in his eye.

Jaehyun smiled and turned to face him, “Apollo, actually.”

He swallowed dryly and glowered at him, “Who are you?”

“Me? I’m a fan. By the way, I was in the library earlier and got a chance to read some of your work, and it was eye opening and frankly, a little unexpected.“ Jaehyun said.

He chuckled in raspy gasps, “I get that a lot.”

Jaehyun smiled, pleasant and sweet before standing, holding two books in his hand, one bound in leather and one spiralbound transcript. He walked over to him and dropped the leather covered one on his lap, “I personally loved Memoir of Modernity. It was really good.”

He lifted a shaking hand to pick up the book with a condescending snort, “ _Good_. What an unintelligent word.”

Jaehyun smiled slightly, “It was really, really, _really_ good. So good in fact that it reminded me of something else I read.”

He dropped the printed manuscript on his lap and watch him scan the title with his eyes. _Memories of a Modern Age_.

“Did you know that the library here was donated by a professor at the university you teach at. He loves his job so much that he insisted that the library create a small area for budding students to display their thesis work. I stumbled upon that one. Check the date.” Jaehyun said, charming smile unmoved.

The man said nothing and just flipped through the transcript, so, Jaehyun continued, “Who would’ve thought that a man who wore his intelligence like a badge was actually a plagiarizer. And of one of your own students no less. Your intellect is a farce, you’re just a cheater. A liar. You built your success on the back of an undergrad.” 

“You said you were a fan.” He hissed.

Jaehyun feigned shock, “Oh. Sorry, I should’ve been more clear. I’m a fan of your daughter. The detective. I’m quite a big fan to be honest. And I’m just trying to understand how a woman of her caliber shares half your DNA.”

“What do you want? Money?” He muttered, pushing the transcript away.

“I don’t want a single thing. I’m actually going to send this to a reporter friend of mine. She’s quite popular nowadays for her exposés.” He said lowly.

A peaceful haze fell over the man. “You asked how a woman of that caliber shares my DNA. It was me who made her that way. Her caliber was due to the work I put in, the discipline that I instilled. She is the way she is because of me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Jaehyun said quietly with a deadly growl, “You see the fundamental difference between you and your daughter is that she is driven by her morals where you have long abandoned yours. She is who she is despite of you, not because of you.”

He straightened up with a serene smile and headed to the door. “Enjoy the plant. Water it once a day.”

Jaehyun closed the door behind him and let out a deep breath before nearly running into someone as stepped forward. He moved back with an apology on his tongue when he locked eyes with the person in front of him. His throat dried as he stared at Ayeon’s mom.

“Ma’am.” He straightened his back like he was in the principal’s office.

She slowly pulled her sunglasses off and he stiffened at the frigid glare, “I seem to keep running into you while you’re injured.”

He kept her gaze with his own, “Sorry, I didn’t realize you would be here.” 

She ran her tongue over her teeth in thought, her eyes skimming over his figure as if to size him up before she spoke, choosing her words carefully, “I will fight tooth and nail to ensure that my daughter’s dreams are never stifled. That her freedom is never jeopardized. It is my job.”

“I know, ma’am.” He said slowly. 

She raised her chin and peered down at him, “And your arm?”

“Will be fine. They removed the bullet; I didn’t lose too much blood. I should be back to normal in a few weeks.” He said quickly.

She watched him carefully, “I heard your sister was murdered.”

Jaehyun bristled, trying not to let his smile falter by too much, “Years ago.”

“No one believed you until now because it was being covered up.” She said knowingly.

He tried to swallow the spur that was growing in his throat, “Yes, ma’am.”

She said nothing and just stared at him with a challenge, so he decided to speak, “Were you here to see him?”

She slid her sunglasses back on and crossed her arms, “No. My daughter left me a very angry voicemail telling me to get on the first flight back to Korea because her boyfriend got shot because of her and if I loved her at all, I would come and see him.”

“And you came.” He said, sounding surprised.

She rotated her jaw, “As you can see, I love my daughter very much.”

“I never doubted that for a second.” He said gently. 

Her stare was unwavering. “And she seems to love _you_ very much. More than I’ve ever seen her love a man.”

“I’m sorry I was the reason the two of you fought.” He said honestly.

She narrowed her eyes at him, “You should be.”

He ducked his head low and felt his chest pound. He wasn’t sure what Ayeon would do if their relationship was still a sore spot for her mother. It would tear her apart to be at odds with her.

“Don’t let it happen again.” She finally said.

His head snapped up, his eyes wide, “Ma’am?”

“I came here thinking that there was nothing you could ever do that would win me over. I wouldn’t have cared if you jumped in front of that bullet for her or gave her your kidney, it wouldn’t have made me approve of this relationship. But it turns out I was wrong, you just walked out of that room after doing something that no one has ever done before. Not even me.” She said, almost regretfully.

“He hurt her.” He said simply.

She nodded, her lips twisting resentfully, “He did.”

“I don’t let people hurt her.” He said.

She let out a stunned scoff before shaking her head, “I’ve learned never to give second chances. So, if you mess up, you’ll be done for good. I’ll make sure of it.” 

“I won’t mess up, ma’am.” He said confidently.

She gave him a terse nod before turning, “By the way, the Greek mythology reference was genius. That crap used to be his favourite.”

\-----

“Wow.” Ayeon whispered as she looked at the two papers that Jaehyun had shown her.

She was perched next to him on his bed, with enough to space between them that they wouldn’t touch even on accident, “What happened to the original author?”

“I think they moved, I’m not entirely sure.” Jaehyun admitted.

She looked at him incredulously, “You’re in the hospital recovering from a gunshot wound, how are you still trying to help me?”

“It’s what I do for friends.” He said, staring at her.

That word was going to haunt her nightmares.

“If Mina ran with this, she’d do the proper research to track him down, but only if it’s something you want.” Jaehyun said.

She shook her head in disbelief, “He was so proud of this book. I used to be jealous of it because he loved it and was prouder of it than he was of me.”

“It’s your call, I don’t have to give this Mina.” He said firmly, “I’ll support you regardless.”

“Someone out there thinks that no one will ever know that they were the real author. They deserve the credit.” She said quietly.

Jaehyun watched her flip one of the pages, “It’ll ruin him and his reputation.”

Silence passed her before she looked at him, eyes aflame, “I really don’t give a damn.”

\-----

She grinned as she watched Jaehyun race across his store lugging a grand looking floral arrangement with one arm, while excitedly chattering about how beautiful it was. He had finally been discharged from the hospital and it was like a flood of energy was bursting out of him.

“Who is it from?” She asked as she trailed behind him.

He pulled out the little card and stared at the names, “Mark and Jackson. Do we know a couple with those names?”

“No.” She said with a small smile, “They’re not a couple. They’re detectives from another precinct, they worked a major serial killer case years ago and they worked the Kim Corp case that Soya prosecuted. I think they know Shownu.”

Jaehyun stared at the plant before smiling, “That’s nice of them.”

“I think you’ll be getting a lot of these gifts. Your assistant has been fielding calls from customers all week long who were worried about you. Kath and Jo even showed up here.” Ayeon said as Jaehyun admired the flowers in front of him.

He smiled, “And all I needed to do was get a little shot.”

“That’s not funny, you jerk.” She growled.

He chuckled as Triple leaped on the counter to rub his face against his. The little creature had missed him so much that he refused to leave Jaehyun’s side for more than a minute.

“You know, with the bullet wound scar on my shoulder, we’re going to be matching now.” He joked.

She rolled her eyes, “You’re so morbid.”

“Who needs matching couple tattoos when you can get matching couple bullet wounds?” He continued, completely unaware of his use of ' _couple'_.

Ayeon felt longing clutch her throat as she stared at his back. The last week he spent in the hospital left a lot of time for her think, to question, to evaluate, and to understand exactly how she was feeling. She wasn’t someone who made short-term decisions anymore. She didn’t plan for a single night. Not anymore.

And in that week, she figured out something very important.

Dr. Lee was right, love wasn’t supposed to hurt.

But it wasn’t supposed to cower in fear either.

“Jaehyun.”

He turned to her with a smile that quickly faded, “What’s wrong?”

“I miss you.” She said softly.

He looked concerned, “It was a week and you were there every day.”

“I know.” She said before taking a breath, “I _miss_ you.”

He let out a breath, understanding exactly what about him she had missed before smiling sadly, “I miss you too.”

He did.

He loved having her as a friend and if that was all he’d earn for the rest of his life; he wouldn’t risk it for the world. But he would _never_ recover from the taste of having her as his girlfriend.

“It’s over. I’m not…I’m not going to jail, I have no charges, Daemin and his father are gone, and nothing is looming over our heads.”

He moved towards her but was conscious of the space between them, “I feel stable now. I feel like I know what this is, I know who I am and what I want now. I know us.”

“Me too.” She whispered. “I feel balanced.”

He met her eyes, “Things can’t go back to normal, too much has happened since then, but can we start from here? Can we…stop being friends?”

“You still want me?” She asked with a crooked smile.

“Every fucking day of my life.” He breathed out.

She smiled a little deliriously, “I love you.”

He just stared at her, lips parted and eyes dark. It gripped her and she felt something inside her come alive, “I’m so utterly, idiotically, horrifyingly, obscenely in love with you and you better do something about it now because I’m tired of waiting.”

She remembered him just staring at her before she was lifted and pressed against her old desk with Jaehyun in between her legs with his mouth frantically against hers, tongues clashing, teeth digging like he had something to prove. It didn’t make sense, there was none of their typical rhythm, none of the preamble and gentleness but instead heat, need and love. His hands were everywhere and she kissed him like he was keeping her alive.

This, she determined, was her own personal concoction of everything good in her life, something that was uniquely hers and no one else’s. She wanted to bottle this feeling up and keep in it her heart whenever he got too far for her liking.

She hummed, kissing him fiercely. His fingers slid into her hair, tilting her head back to get her at an angle that hung stars in her sky. Her fingers found purchase in his hair as he let his hand slide idly down her body, holding her tightly by the waist so they were pressed against each other. He didn’t know how he went as long as he did without kissing her.

He was pretty swift for someone with one hand strapped up.

She couldn’t remember how much time had passed. She swore it felt like they had made love when he finally pulled away from a long dreamy kiss, both fully dressed and completely decent.

He pulled away from her, deliriously out of breath. He was always out of breath around her, “For my sanity, can you please say it again?”

Her eyes were still unfocused, and it took her a minute before she understood him. She grasped either side of his face softly and pulled him against her face so she could breathe it into his mouth and soul, “I love you.”

\-----

Going back to work was strange.

Half of the officers she used to see were gone and the other half were giving her awkward, apologetic smiles that she didn’t acknowledge.

The infrastructure was in chaos, people rushing to hire more officers, the city running to find a new Commissioner, the mayor pressured to come up with accountability measures, it was a lot of change being demanded in a short time but there was something in the energy that reminded Ayeon of why she liked her job in the first place.

It was home.

She was walking a file to the copier when she found Jaehyun standing at the end of the hallway with his eyes wide like he didn’t know why he was there and his arm still in a sling. It took her a moment of digest why he was there because the sight of him in her precinct was something, she was never privy to and it was such a contrast and collision of her worlds that her brain stopped functioning for a second.

And then he smiled at her, small, but a smile nonetheless and it was like her rationale came running back.

She hurried over to him, peering up at his face, “Jaehyun, what are you doing here? Are you okay?”

He nodded slowly and gulped. She gently took his elbow and led him to an interrogation room, “Come with me.”

She locked the door behind them and began turning off the recording equipment as Jaehyun leaned against the uneven metal table. Once everything was shut off, she stood in front of him, “What’s going on?”

“I’m in love with you.”

She blinked at him in surprise and waited for him to continue but he just stared at her, “Wait, you came all the way here, walked into the precinct where your sister’s murderer worked and where people know who you were just to tell me that you love me?”

“Yes.”

Her heart soared and she walked into his arms, feeling like home with a little bit of paradise stirred in, “I love you too.”

He held her waist, letting a couple of his fingers slide under her shirt to stroke at her skin, “It feels weird to not be mad or feel injustice. Locking Daemin away isn’t bringing her back so it’s just nothingness now. It’s unsettling.”

“I know. I’m sorry. You’re not going to find anything to replace that feeling. It’s always going to be there.” She said to him gently.

“It’s better with you, though.” He whispered.

Her lips hitched and she leaned in closer to him, “It’ll still hurt sometimes.”

He could feel it in his chest, right next to the pain, there was an Ayeon shaped hole in his heart where she fit in perfectly. She belonged in his soul, threaded through the rest of his life. “Ayeon, do you want to meet my parents?”

Her eyes widened and she panic instilled her heart, “Jaehyun, I thought you don’t talk to your parents.”

“I caught up with my dad recently and I just…I don’t know, I want to have a relationship with them. I want them to know what’s happening in my life and currently, _you_ are happening to me.” He said.

She laced her fingers with him and resisted the urge to turn on her heel and walk out, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure if you’re sure.”

\-----

“I’m sorry but it’s so bizarre seeing them be like this.” Soya muttered.

Jinah smiled as she watched Ayeon wrap her arms around Jaehyun and him as he slowly hooked his arms around her waist to pull her close, “They’re so cute.”

They had been standing in the viewing room going over a case when Jaehyun and Ayeon entered the other side of the mirror.

“How are you the romantic one now?” Soya said.

Jinah shook her head and watched them kiss, “It’s nice to see they’re happy.”

“Oh my god.” Soya whispered, “Does this mean we’re no longer the hottest couple?”

Jinah rolled her eyes, “I don’t think anyone is keeping score, babe.”

“I am!” She whined, “I can’t believe this, and our _friends_ no less.”

Jinah bit down on her lip and slipped her arm around Soya’s waist, leaning against her, “I don’t think anyone’s coming for our title. Remember what we did the last time we were in an interrogation room alone?”

She expected Soya’s eyes to sparkle in the way that she adored, but instead she crossed her arms with a flat look, “You mean when we did that?”

Jinah followed her pointed finger and gaped at Ayeon pushing Jaehyun flat on the table and climbing over him without letting go of his lips, once.

“Maybe we should leave.” She said, averting her eyes and pulling a grumbling Soya out with her, making sure the door was locked as they left.

Soya huffed and trailed behind her girlfriend, “I will not lose that title to them, I swear to god.”

\-----

Ayeon held a bunch of sunflowers in her hand, ones that she picked specifically from his shop that morning as they walked into Jaehyun’s father’s home.

“You’re jittery. You’re never jittery.” He murmured while holding her hand.

She tightened her grip on his hand, “If he asks what happened to your arm, I’m royally fucked.”

“I don’t know. I think he’d be impressed.” He said with a smirk. 

She glared at him, “You getting shot isn’t funny.”

“Relax, sweetheart.” He said while leaning towards her, “I’m out of my sling, it’s only a bandage. It’ll be fine.”

She frowned before getting on her tip-toes to meet him halfway to kiss him as the elevator doors opened. She stepped back and straightened her clothes before she stepped into the hallway, “Let’s do this.”

He led them down until they stood in front of an open door. He squeezed her hand and stepped in, “Dad?”

He glanced up at him and did a double take, “Your arm.”

“It’s nothing important. Dad, this is Ayeon.” He said carefully, ignoring the glare Ayeon was giving him.

His father barely glanced up from the board, “Nice to meet you, Ayeon.”

Jaehyun looked exasperated and opened his mouth to complain but Ayeon grabbed his arm and shook her head before nudging him to the door. He looked at her, alarmed that she was asking to be left alone with his father, but she nodded reassuringly and waited until he left before sitting down across from his father, setting the flowers aside.

“Mind if I play?”

His father finally looked up at her and nodded, “Please.”

She rubbed her hands together and moved a pawn before waiting for him to speak. It took a moment as he busied himself with the layout of the board before he finally acknowledged her.

“You’re a cop.”

“Am I that obvious?” She mused.

“I think I’ve seen you on the news.”

Ayeon stared at the chessboard, tilting her head to review her moved before lifting a rook, “I am, sir. I’m proud to say that I am a detective.”

“You found out what happened to my little angel.” He mumbled before boldly moving his queen.

She smiled and moved her bishop, “I did. One hell of an angel you have. A fighter. And it wasn’t just me sir, there were a few good detectives trying to find her justice.”

“But you started it. You did it before you started a relationship with my boy, so you really did it for her.” He said, moving his knight to take one of her rooks.

Her eyes widened and she looked up at him, but he just smiled, “He’s rather transparent with his feelings, detective.”

“I see and how does that make you feel?” She asked cautiously as she moved her pawn.

He tapped a finger to his lip as he surveyed the board, “He’s smart. He waited until after you put an end to the one thing that would’ve made me disapprove of you.”

“Yes, he did that.” She admitted.

“But I haven’t been much of a father to him when he needed his parents and support the most. I set him aside because I treated him like an adult but at that time, he was just a kid who suffered the same loss his mother and I did, and we left him on his own.” He said, his voice worn out and aged as he moved his rook.

She picked up her pawn and knocked his rook over, “I don’t think he resents you for it.”

“Maybe, but I hold no sway in his life now.” He said, pressing his finger on top of his queen before picking up and moving his pawn.

She stared at the board before moving her knight, “But I think he’d like if you did. So, hypothetically, would you approve of me now?”

“Yes. I think I would.” He said, taking one of her rooks.

She looked at him before smiling down at her lap, “That’s good to know.”

“He came in here for the first time a few weeks ago, asking me about love and risks. I imagine you were the reason he was thinking about those things.” He said, looking up at her.

Her smile grew as she daringly moved her king, “It’s possible.”

“I’m glad he’s moving forward. I always worried we messed him up too much for that.” He said.

She watched him move his queen, “I think everyone’s parents mess them up a little.”

“If this is your attempt to make a good impression, I’m not sure it’s working.” He joked.

She smiled and moved her bishop, “It’s the truth, sir. But it’s okay because sometimes we become stronger because of it.”

“I think my son will be okay with you.” He said after he moved his rook.

“I think so, too.” Ayeon stared at the board before sliding her queen in front of his king, “Checkmate.”

His father stilled and gaped at the board, scanning it over and over again before looking up at her. “That’s never happened, before.”

She smiled and looked out the window where Jaehyun was standing anxiously on the other side. “You can beat me next time.”

\-----

“Jaehyun, the steering wheel is going to make a permanent dent in my spine.” She whispered as she kissed Jaehyun over his lap in his car.

He slid his palm around her waist to cushion the wheel from her back before continuing to drag his mouth against hers, “Better?”

“Not by much.” She moaned against his mouth, making good use of her tongue against him as punishment.

He hummed and reached blindly for the lever before pulling on it so that he was flat on his back and she gasped as her weight dropped over him. He welcomed the pressure hungrily, “How about now?”

She smiled before ducking her face into his neck, her legs properly straddling his waist as she pressed tentative kisses on his neck. “You need to be careful, your arm just barely healed.”

“Sweetheart, I’m not really in the business of being careful right now.” He said, rolling his hips into hers to make a point.

“You’re happy.” She said against his skin, breathing in his body wash as she moved her lips up his neck and dangerously close to his mouth.

He laughed, “I just want to celebrate this one victory before we see my mom.”

She pushed herself off of him and he leaned his head back, eyes closed trying to catch his breath. She frowned and brushed his hair back, “It’ll be okay, though, right?”

He opened his eyes and stared at her before leaning up to kiss her softly, “If we’re together, it’ll always be okay. We will always be okay.”

“I love you a little bit.” She whispered.

He ran his teeth along her jaw, tugging on her collar to bring her back to him, he needed her to always be pressed up against him, “Yeah well, I love you a whole lot.”

\-----

The second Jaehyun was the one with the jitters, he bounced nervously on his heels before stepping into her room.

“Mom?”

The woman looked up from her needlepoint and stared at Jaehyun for a long time before her eyes moved to his hands clasped with Ayeon’s. “Jaehyun. What are you doing here?”

“I—I uh, wanted to see you.” He flinched at how nervous his own voice sounded to him.

“It’s been, wow, it’s been so long.” She whispered.

He ducked his head low, “I know, I’m sorry I’m only coming to see you, now.”

“It’s good to see you. Always.” She said softly, “What brings you here?”

He gulped nervously, “I wanted to come by and introduce you to someone.”

She raised her brow “Someone?”

“She’s…someone that I love. Mom, this is Ayeon. She’s a detective.” He announced, pulling Ayeon forward. "She's my girlfriend."

His mother stared at her, “A woman you love.”

Jaehyun let go of Ayeon’s hand and sat across from his mother, eyes flashing around her face desperately, “I know this might feel like I’m betraying Haerin, like I’m moving on or forgetting her, but I’m not mom. I’m…I’m happy for the first time in a long time.”

“Is that what you think?” His mom asked quietly, setting her needles down, “That I don’t want you to be happy? That I want you to always be mourning?”

“I should’ve done more; it feels wrong to be happy knowing that.” He mumbled.

She was taken aback, “You—that’s what you’ve been telling yourself?”

“Why else would you and dad leave? Why would you not see me?” Jaehyun asked desperately.

She cupped his face in her hands, “I did it because I wasn’t strong enough and I didn’t want to be the reason that you sank. I guess that didn’t work out so well. I don’t blame you. I wish I handled things better, but I never blamed you and I don’t want you to live your life, stuck. I’m sorry we weren’t there for you, son.”

He stared at her a little stunned, “T-Thanks mom.”

“Come here, let me get a better look at you, dear.” She said to Ayeon while holding her hands out.

Ayeon glanced at Jaehyun before putting her hands in his mother’s, “Good grip.”

Ayeon laughed breathily. She let go of one of her hands to cup Ayeon’s cheek and inspect the scar going down it. Ayeon could feel Jaehyun stiffened next to her but his mother just peered at the cut over her glasses and nodded approvingly, “Okay. Good.”

“Is that all you have to say?” Jaehyun balked.

His mom shot him a glare before facing Ayeon, “You protect my boy, okay? You…You make sure you both stay happy.”

“Mom…”

“I’m talking to her, not you.” She barked before looking back at her, “Promise me that. Promise me you will look out for him.”

Ayeon smiled and squeezed the woman’s hand, “Easiest promise I’d ever make in my life.”


	41. bellflowers

“Hi, friend.”

Daemin lifted his head and looked up from the bench in his jail and felt the rage bubble when he saw Ayeon’s grinning face on the other side. “Go to hell.”

“I’m sure I'll see you there.” She sang, leaning against the bars. “Whatcha thinking about?”

He stood and she didn’t move away, “You really want to know? Fine. I’m thinking that I should’ve just killed you all those times I stood over you when you were asleep. I should’ve just pressed a pillow to your face.”

“Should’ve, could’ve and yet you didn’t. Aren’t you going to ask me how your dad’s doing?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, baring his teeth at her, “Fuck you." 

“He flipped on you.” She said blankly.

Daemin stilled before sliding his eyes to hers, “What?”

“He told the prosecutor _everything_ he paid the old commissioner to do and all the things he helped cover up for you. He sold you out so that he just has to do 3 years for the embezzlement. You, on the other hand, will be gone for a long, long, time.” She rocked on her heels like a giddy schoolgirl.

He was trembling in front of her, “You’re lying.”

“Here’s the affidavit.” She said while pulling a folded piece of paper up to him.

His eyes scanned the document, his rage only growing, “He would never.”

“You think he loves you? Daemin, he resents you for making him clean up your messes.” She spat. “You were weighing him down and he had to cut you off.”

He let out a roar and charged at her, hands outstretched as if to wrap them around her neck but all she did was take a half a step back and watched him slide his hands through the bars and fight to reach for her, failing.

“I did what I had to do to save myself.” He hissed.

She smiled and turned to the door, the bullet wound on her shoulder on full display in the process, “And how did that end up working out for you?”

\-----

**_Some years later._ **

Ayeon stretched her arms over her head, twisting her body to loosen her muscles up after the 6-hour flight she had just come off of. She watched the luggage carousel go, waiting to collect her things.

She hated cramped spaces and it was doing a number on her back.

Spotting her bags, she pulled them off the conveyor belt just as her phone rang in her pocket. She glanced at Jinah’s name on her phone before answering, “What’s up, Cap?”

Jinah was named captain shortly after Daemin and his father were sentenced, in fact, a lot of their careers had begun to take off since then. Soya was promoted at the prosecutor’s office, Mina was fielding offers from major newspapers and was currently living with Johnny whose security firm was growing at a frightening rate, and Ayeon was appointed team lead under Jinah’s leadership.

She liked her job now, even if she spent more hours attending two-week conferences than she did on the field.

“Funny. I’m calling because Mina wanted to get drinks later and she won’t stop blowing up my phone.” She deadpanned.

Ayeon wedged her phone between her ear and shoulder as she struggled to put her things on a cart before pushing it out to her car, “Jinah, I’ve literally just landed home after two weeks. I don’t want drinks; I just want to crawl into bed for hours and never speak to another person.”

“You’re boring. Soya is going to yell at me for not dragging you out.” Jinah muttered.

Ayeon smiled when she spotted her car. _Almost home._

“Take Johnny, he’s basically a happy version of me.” She mused.

"Disgusting. No. It's girls' night." Soya's voice could be heard yelling in the background.

Jinah grumbled incoherently while shushing her, “Did Jaehyun pick you up from the airport?”

Ayeon’s stomach clenched as she thought of Jaehyun, she hadn’t seen him in what felt like ages and with her packed itinerary, they weren’t able to talk save for a few quick texts. She couldn’t think too hard about seeing him again or else she’d just lose it. She wanted to talk to him until the world ended or they ran out of things to say. Whichever happened first.

“No, I’m driving myself.” Ayeon pouted.

Jinah made a sound of confusion, “What? That doesn’t make sense. Soya said she would pick you up but Ja—okay you know what? Never mind. Drive safe and the invitation to drinks still stands.”

She hung up abruptly but Ayeon was too tired to think anything of it. She just wanted to get home to her magnificent boyfriend and make up for the two weeks. She was never like this before, two weeks without seeing someone was a non-issue before she met him.

Ayeon opened the passenger door and tossed her bag in before freezing when a thought tiredly crossed her mind.

_She didn’t drive herself to the airport. What was her car doing here? Unlocked._

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps moving towards her caused her to tense up but before she could turn, she was pushed up against the car, heat pressing into her as hands gripped her hips. A vicious growl was threatening to rip through her throat, but when she heard his voice rough against her ear, she melted into the car, her fingers digging into the hood in want, need, longing.

“Fucking hell, I missed you like crazy, sweetheart.”

She was tired and words seemed too hard, so she let out a moan instead when Jaehyun buried his face into her neck. His breath stuttered at the sound and he groaned, “Two whole weeks. What were we thinking?”

Ayeon managed to turn in his hold but it was worse when he sank against her now, she could feel every inch of him, and she had been starved of it this entire conference. She couldn’t get enough of him now; she wasn’t ever going to let go. He didn’t need to know how many times she had laid in bed at her hotel thinking of him; daring to shirk her responsibilities to hop on a plane to be with him.

Her head fell back as he pushed her up against the car, scrapping his teeth against her neck before kissing the reddened spots. It was rare that he got carried away like this in public and she praised every deity that they were tucked in the darkest corner that underground parking had to offer.

Jaehyun’s life had been a whirlwind of his own, he moved out of his store near the precinct and set up shop with an entire suite attached above in a trendy area in the heart of a city where people spent more money on flowers than they probably did on taxes. His business has also blown up and everyone who ever needed flowers would fight tooth and nail to book him. Everyone wanted him.

But she was the only one that got him.

“God.” She whispered when the door handle dug snugly into her back, “I missed you too.”

He finally pulled back and she blinked up at him, her previous tiredness was mixed in with a little something new. He wasn’t sure how he made it fourteen days without seeing that look in her eye everyday.

“How was the conference?” He breathed out, slightly dazed.

She rolled her eyes, “Boring.” _Without you._

“I’m happy you’re home.” He whispered, his eyes were shimmering, and it took every ounce of decency for her to not keen at the sight. He was marvelous.

She cupped the back of his neck and leaned towards him, “What’d you do when I was gone?”

“Think about you, a lot.” He said with a smile, “Miss you, consider hopping on a plane to get to you, and then I did some grocery shopping.”

She laughed as he set her down and stared up at him as he beamed at her. She couldn’t believe where she ended up, in love with a man who picked her up at the airport, kissed her against her car and then took her home to an apartment they shared with each other and a three-legged cat. She wouldn’t have fathomed it before. It wasn’t supposed to be her reality.

“Let’s go home.” He purred, kissing her hard on the cheek. “I want to show you how much I missed you, over and over and over again.”

She shook her head, dazed, before reaching out and fisting the back of his shirt, “We’re amazing together.”

“Oh, without a doubt. We’re the best.” He snorted, replacing his shirt with his hand and got her into the car.

She didn’t complain when he got into the driver’s seat and pulled them onto the highway. She found herself relishing in the silence between them, staring out the window as they drove past towering buildings. It was when he started humming softly under his breath that she turned to him, her voice soft.

“I had a dream about you yesterday.”

He glanced at her from the side of his eye, the last time they had a conversation like this, she was trying to save his feelings that were threatening to crush him. Things were different now. Better. He reached out one hand and smoothed his palm over her thigh before giving it a squeeze, “What was it about?”

“I dreamt we never met.” She whispered.

His fingers dug into her thigh for half a second before his voice rolled out lowly, “Oh, what was that like?”

“Normal. I continued my life, doing the things that I would normally do. I work at the precinct, shove my feelings about Lucas into my stomach and spend time with my friends. It’s normal. Except I hated normal. I wanted the absolute riot that I feel in my heart when I think about you. I wanted to be a mess because of you.” She said, out of breath.

The one hand that was still on the wheel was gripping it so tightly that he was sure he’d leave dents. They have been together for years, yet she would still tumble out words that would wreck his sanity and remind him that a woman who had every reason to be averse to love and relationships, found happiness with him.

He stopped at the red light and turned to look at her properly. She held her breath, her heart full of something so beautiful and precious that it nearly tore out of her chest. His eyes held promises of a future, of a lifetime, of every moment of their future spent making up for the time lost before they met.

She saw something she hadn’t seen in a while.

She saw hope.

“Well, thank god we met.”

Ayeon leaned forward, brushing their lips together, “Why?”

“Because the universe would’ve been off center if we never got to be together. Soulmates, remember?”

\-----

There is a strong belief that everything is a cycle.

You end up where you begin.

The life cycle, the water cycle, the carbon cycle, they all follow the same basic principles.

But in reality, people are different than when they start, they grow and change. You can end up in the same places you started, but you aren’t the same person.

Jaehyun’s steps slowed as he closed the door to their shared apartment behind him and took the majesty in front of him. It wasn’t every day that he came home to a sight like this.

Ayeon was standing by a table covered in glowing candles that dripped her skin in golden highlight. In her hands, she held a bouquet of long-stemmed red roses, but his eyes were focused on one thing.

The glittery silver dress that stopped mid-thigh and that hung loosely off of her like if he breathed too hard, it’d pool at her feet.

“Hi, darling.”

2 years and that voice still made no sense to him.

Smoke and love.

He was good with important dates, he never missed an anniversary or birthday, so his mind was running on empty as he tried to search for a reason Ayeon would be standing in front of him like sin incarnate. She rocked on heels that made her legs look a mile long and he wondered why he was still frozen by the door and not running his palms against her.

Fuck, she could do anything to him right now and he would say _thank you_.

“Hi, sweetheart.” He mumbled as he took a step towards her, “What’s going on?”

She smiled brightly and it made his heart flutter, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He said, confused at her abrupt declaration. It was something she had grown accustomed saying out loud in the time they were together. She’d whisper it in the mornings when his eyes were half open, or against his mouth when she rushed out the door or she’d state it plainly like it was an absolute fact when she’d stare at him from across the shop as he hummed a tune while playing with flowers. 

But every fucking time she did, his soul would shoot up to his brain. 

Her smile just grew, “I love you so much. You made my life so beautiful. I’ve never felt so happy and safe than when I’m with you. It’s home. It’s where I belong. I gave you so many chances to pack your bags and run but you stayed. You stayed and you loved me back and things have been so good with us. I have been so scared of making the same decisions my mom made that I stopped myself from making my own. I’m not doing that anymore. You are all that I’ll ever need, so what am I waiting for?”

She took a step closer and it was still too much of a distance for him. He was about to rush over and close the gap when she spoke, stopping him before he could move.

“So, Jaehyun.” She whispered, her heart racing in a way that gave her an adrenaline rush she had never felt before, “Will you marry me?”

Ayeon liked managing her expectations to make sure she didn’t set her hopes too high, but she expected a least a small smile. Her heart sank when his face fell and something close to sadness and disappointment flooded his eyes. Her own blinding smile shriveled as she watched him hang his head low and take a step back.

A step away from her.

“Jaehyun.” Her voice caught and he flinched back as he glanced at her.

He shook his head and turned, “I’m sorry.”

She was frozen and rooted to her spot as he opened the door and sped down the stairs. It took a moment for it to really sink in. She proposed to him, wanted to marry him and spend her life with him and make it official and he just…left?

Ayeon dropped the flowers to the ground and made quick work of blowing out the candles around her before running down the stairs after him, cursing her decision to wear her tall heels. She maintained her balance as she ran across the backroom and into the shop to find Jaehyun crouched behind the counter, fiddling with something in a cabinet.

She adjusted the dress, feeling foolish in it under the harsh fluorescent lights of his shop. She had to deal with Mina’s enthusiastic screams when she went to borrow it and for a minute, she thought it was going to be worth it. That minute had passed, “Jaehyun, look, I know we haven’t properly had a conversation about marriage, and I know it’s a lot but it’s not make or break for me. If you need time, if you want to slow down, we can. That’s okay. But can we at least talk about it now?”

Jaehyun ignored her, twisting something before pulling open another door. She frowned at the dial. It was a safe.

He pulled something out and stood before setting it down in front of her. Her lips parted as he opened the little velvet box to reveal a sparkling ring, “I should’ve known you’d beat me to the punch.”

Her heart was racing and the smile on her face was back, “Jaehyun…”

“I don’t want to slow down; I don’t need time. I never did and never would. You’re the one for me.” He picked up the ring box, “I bought this ring the year we first started dating. It was way too soon to be looking at rings but all I could think was, I wouldn’t buy a ring for anyone else. If you didn’t marry me, I just wouldn’t get married.”

God, if she didn’t get to kiss him in the next 30 seconds, she was sure she’d explode. Jaehyun smiled at the ring, “I had a whole plan for it, but I don’t think anything can beat what you just did for me.”

She bit down her smile and stepped closer to him, “Well?”

He set the ring down and slid his hand around her waist, taking a sharp breath when he could practically feel her skin through the shimmery fabric. He had to thank whoever made this dress. “I would be honored to marry you, sweetheart.”

“Now ask me.” She whispered with a laugh.

He grinned and gently brushed his lips with hers before taking the box and getting down on one knee, “Ayeon, will you ma—”

She tackled him down against the ground before he could finish, her arms locked around his neck as they slid backward. He groaned on impact but draped an arm around her back.

“Yes.” She murmured. “Yes. Yes. Yes.”

He laughed and slid the ring on her finger. She pulled back to press her mouth against his, kissing him hard as she tangled her fingers through his hair. She loved kissing him because he always met her halfway, no matter how much she’d surprise him, it’d take him half a second before he was kissing her back, just as hard. His fingers dragged down her bare back, relishing in her heat. She nearly purred at his touch and he pulled away because it was getting too much and she was dressed up, he wanted to appreciate it properly.

“Let’s go celebrate. Somewhere nice. I want to go on a date with my fiancée.” He cooed, trailing the tip of his finger gently down the length of her scar.

She quirked a brow, vibrating, “Really? You think you can sit across from me for 2 hours in this dress?”

He stared at her before his eyes drifted down to the dress, one strap was slipping off her shoulder and the hem had ridden up when she tackled him. Her hair was mused over her eye and her eyeshadow was smoky and sultry and all things that kept him up at night, “Okay. New plan. How about I mess you up in our room and then we go out?”

“That sounds better.” She crooned before kissing him sloppily as they sat up before running up the stairs with their fingers laced together.

She swung the door open, giddy as she pulled him flush against her. He dug his fingers into her hair, rolling his tongue into her mouth as she walked him back to their bedroom, she kicked the door open and brought him inside before pulling him in. She leaned back, her eyes lidded and swiped her tongue against her lower lip. He wasn’t going to make it through the night.

“Everything off except that ring.” He mumbled while trying to lean in for a kiss.

She turned and kicked off her heels and waited for him to see what she had done in the time he was away. She heard his breath hitch as he dug his fingers into her side. The bed was covered in rose petals of different colours.

“I put a lot of work into tonight.” She said slowly.

She gasped when she felt him lift her in his arms and gently toss her to the bed, the petals flying on impact, a few settling over her body. He bit down hard on his bottom lip when she stared up to him, eyes dark, mouth parted.

This.

Now, this was a fucking masterpiece if he had ever seen one.

\-----

Ayeon stared at the sparkling ring on her finger as she sat at the kitchen counter nursing a cup of tea on a beautiful Sunday morning; she had long abandoned coffee and Jaehyun was far too smug about the change. The light reflected off of the diamond, nearly blinding her; she still wasn’t used to seeing something so beautiful on her hand.

Her mother told her that proposing to a man was crazy but that at least she was acting crazy in front of Jaehyun.

He had nearly burst into tears when she told him that story.

She glanced at the door, he was downstairs in the shop and she was weighing her options of creeping down there to distract him from his very important work when Triple settled over her feet, curling up to nap. She couldn’t move now.

Ayeon sighed, eyeing her laptop wearily as her inbox weighed heavy with emails that demanded her attention when her phone pinged with a text, allowing her to procrastinate just a little while longer. She set her mug down and picked up her phone.

**[Soya] I know you said you weren’t going to listen to it, but trust me, listen to this episode.**

Ayeon stared at the link to Mina’s podcast attached to the end of the email. She had released the final episode earlier today and although Jaehyun and Ayeon refused to listen to it, the rest of the world was enraptured. Mina’s words were translated into different languages and everyone was talking about _Serve and Protect_ and its shocking look into corruption in the Seoul Police Department.

Ayeon’s ears still stung hearing her reality told back to her, but something about it being the final episode piqued her curiosity. And there was no way Soya would tell her to listen to it unless it was worth it.

Apparently, some articles were about her as well, although she had been too nervous to read them, Jaehyun had said they were all singing her praises. It was still strange to hear praises after being the object of hate for so long.

She clicked on the link and played the podcast on full volume, Mina’s voice ricocheting off the corners of her apartment. Soya sent her a time-stamped link, so Mina’s voice started mid-sentence, “—so now they’re sitting in prison, the city’s questioning if this will bring change or if politicians are just cutting the tail off while protecting the beast, but either way, our relationship and trust with the police might not ever be the same, and that’s a dangerous thing.”

Ayeon’s finger lingered over the stop button. This was exactly what she didn’t want to hear, what she didn’t want to listen to, the honesty of a problem with no clear solution, but then Mina’s voice changed and Ayeon pulled her hand back.

“But this is so much more than that.”

She turned when Jaehyun stepped through the door holding a modest bouquet and a dashing grin; he paused when he heard Mina’s voice play through her speakers and the corner of his lips faltered.

“When it was all finally over, I found myself struggling to return back to my daily life. I felt changed, fundamentally different and the hardest part was that even with the right people behind bars, lives were still lost, pain was still felt, and people still had to pick up the pieces and try to move on. It felt bleak looking to the future after all of that.”

Jaehyun made his way to Ayeon, standing behind and slowly combing his fingers through her hair as they fell into a trance. His lips brushed the back of her neck and she leaned into him.

Mina’s voice continued, “Then I found out that Ayeon and Jaehyun were going to get married. Suddenly, my perspective changed because even when everything else went to shit, two people who couldn’t be more perfect for each other, found one another and something honest came of it. To have watched two people fall in love with someone who was their soulmate, made the bleakness sting less. Maybe picking up the pieces and working through the pain isn’t so bad when you have people with you, helping you, protecting and loving you every step of the way. That’s what we need in life. That’s how we protect our humanity and learn to trust again.”

Ayeon paused it, not ready to hear what else she had to say, it was all too much and the weight in her chest wasn’t helping.

“She really has a way with words, doesn’t she?” Jaehyun murmured. 

Ayeon stared down at the ring on her finger, her face twisted in thought. Jaehyun took her hand and brought it up to his lips, eyes sparkling on hers as he caressed her ring finger with his mouth. She moved her finger away and cupped his cheek, brushing over his skin. Silence fell over them as he watched her trace over the planes of his face, affection pouring out of her eyes in a way that made him weak.

“I brought you flowers, my love.” He mused, holding up the bouquet.

She grinned, staring at them, “This is the third one you’ve brought me this week, I get it, I need to decorate our apartment with more flowers.”

“Just a gentle hint.” He teased, playing with a strand of her hair.

Ayeon turned, her smile lopsided as she plucked a flower from the bouquet in his hands and tucked it behind his ear. “I really, really like you.”

“My life.” He mumbled, almost to himself, “You are my entire life, did you know that?”

Her jaw dropped as she peered up at him, “I tell you that I really like you and that’s your response?”

“I like outdoing you.” He teased.

She took the bouquet from him, “You just like doing me.”

“Charming.” He mused, pressing her against the counter with his palm. “I’m going to have to hear things like this for the rest of my life now, aren’t I?”

She braced herself by resting her hands on the counter behind her, “And how does that make you feel?”

“Pretty damn good.” He said before lifting her up onto the edge of the counter. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him flush against her.

She breathed him in, drowning in everything that made her whole, “You’re the rest of my life.”

His eyes widened for a second before that smile knocked her off her feet. He leaned forward and caught her lips, stroking his fingertips down the column of her neck. She started envisioning fantasies involving Jaehyun between her legs against their kitchen counter when he spoke.

“Our wedding is going to have so many flowers.” He moaned out against her skin.

Her fantasies changed in a second.

It was replaced with beautiful satin silk draped over her body and Jaehyun wearing a suit with his hair styled up in the way that made her fight every instinct to run her fingers through it. Her fantasies changed to rushed, endorphin-filled sex in some random dark closet when they snuck out of their wedding for a second alone. And honeymoon that would blur past them in a romantic haze before they settled into a life together.

A life where no matter what, they had each other.

Because they were soulmates.

The thought hit her slowly in the way that a flower takes to fully bloom.

She was fine. Everything was fine.

And for once, she actually believed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!


End file.
